CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-ONE

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Jax waits till Donna's at the top of the ladder before letting go of my neck and pushing me gently towards it. Setting my booted foot on the bottom rail I look over my shoulder "Any reason we're going up last instead of first?"

Jax grins and wiggles his eyebrows "Cause no one else should be lookin' at your ass in those pants."

I shake my head and go up the ladder slowly, making sure I have proper footing with each rung before putting my weight on it. Reaching the top I find the 5 people that went up before me standing around looking over the concrete at the lot. Opening the chest in the corner I pull out all the cushions and toss them on the concrete "Take a pew."

Jax climbs over the concrete and pushes two of the cushions together in the corner, sitting down on them both and patting his outstretched legs "Baby, one day you're going to lose feeling in your legs if I keep putting my ass on your lap."

Jax rolls his eyes "Yeah right. Just sit down."

Curling into Jax's lap again he waits till we're all sitting down and comfortable before nodding his head towards the far wall "See D, I didn't cover over them like you thought."

Donna looks over at the wall and gasps softly at the white paint that decorates the area Jax indicated. "I thought you would have."

Jax shakes his head "Nah, despite how angry I was at someone for leaving I couldn't erase that."

Al looks at what they're talking about and widens her eyes looking at me "You did that didn't you?"

I nod, my eyes drifting over the Anarchy symbol I'd painted on the wall one night, the surrounding area covered in the words that still sum up the Club in my brain.

"How did you know S did it?" Opie asks, setting the shot glasses he'd carried up down in front of us and pulling the whiskey from beside Jax.

Al grins "Cause Jax just said." Laughing at the expression on Opie's face she shrugs "Honestly, if he hadn't have said something I still woulda known that S did that."

Juice looks at the words scrawled on the wall; family, honour, pride, love, justice, home among the dozens of words I'd painted in multi-colours across the grey space one night. "How could you tell Sarah did that?"

Al winks at Juice "It's the same sort of thing we found scrawled over notebooks and on blank bits of paper for months after she left. Admittedly when she first started doing them the words were not as nice."

Jax shuffles around a little so he can reach the whiskey, pulling the top off he flicks it over the edge of the roof chuckling when someone makes a startled yelp. Pouring it into 3 of the shot glasses he waits while Cam and Donna fill the others with tequila and vodka respectively. Donna passes me one of the glasses filled with clear liquid, resting her hand against my forearm "What words took the place of them."

I shake my head pouring the vodka straight into my mouth and swallowing against the burn that hits the back of my throat "You don't want to know."

Donna nods and squeezes my arm slightly "I do."

I sigh as she refills my glass and pulls it from my fingers "You get this back when you tell me."

I link my fingers through Jax's and pull his arm around me so our hands are resting in my lap "For ages it was things like betrayal, hate, torment, nightmare. When I met Craig" Jax's fingers tighten on mine and I rub my thumb over the side of his palm "it became past, history, memories. Then all the shit with him happened and I started thinking about coming home it morphed into lonely, homesick, friends, family, belonging."

Donna silently passes my glass back to me and fills her own, clinking it against mine she meets my eyes and raises her shot glass to my lips, pressing mine against hers we upend the glasses at the same time. Laughing after she swallows Donna leans over to me and wraps her arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly. Coughing softly as she puts me almost in a choke hold she lets go with another giggle "I haven't done that in years."

I roll my eyes "Four of them?" She nods and I fill the glasses again "Good, I'd be most insulted if you did that with anyone else."

Cam, Al and Juice are all sitting looking at us oddly when we turn around and Donna collapses against her husband's side in a fit of giggles. Shaking my head I gesture towards the three shot glasses with whiskey then look at Al "I believe that you and Cam are short on drinks there. And as for that, well one weekend at the cabin D and I decided that drinking yourself was boring. We spent the whole weekend refusing to put anything in our own mouths."

Donna laughs as Opie shakes his head at the memory "That was the messiest dinner we'd ever had."

Jax shakes his head "I dunno Ope, it was pretty good when they simultaneously missed their aim with the water bottles."

I look over at Donna and we both start laughing again while Jax looks completely oblivious. Opie shakes his head "Bro you are so thick. That shit was planned!"

I shrug my shoulders hopelessly still giggling when Jax turns his fiery blue eyes on me "Really?"

I nod and try to get hold of my giggles. A long few seconds later I finally manage to stop laughing "You don't think we both wore white t-shirts and red bras by accident do you?"

Jax rubs his hand over his face "I did till right then. What else was planned?"

Donna mimics my position, curling herself onto Opie's lap with a contented sigh "Umm, my car running out of gas in Modesto. Me and Ope bailing on that movie in Lodi. The bikini malfunction of my 16th birthday weekend. That was the last one we planned."

Jax groans and keeps his hand covering his face "I was an idiot, I never suspected anything."

I shrug and reach up, pulling his hand away from his face "Baby, you didn't have a clue about my feelings till I dropped my bombshells on you when I came home. Don't feel that bad that you didn't know how devious I was then."

Jax looks up at me and cocks an eyebrow "That's true Darlin'. Just don't think you're gonna get the drop on me like that again."

I lift my eyebrows and lean closer to his ear "Victoria Secret in San Francisco." I whisper softly.

Jax chuckles as I retake my original position "Okay okay, I'll admit defeat. You're much more devious then I am."

I nod and reach for the shot glasses handing them to everyone with a grin "Glad you know that baby. Cheers."

The 7 of us knock back our shots at the same time, setting the glasses back on the concrete Cam leans forward and refills them all again "So do I get any more stories. I think someone said something about a story involving the first time on a bike."

Donna buries her face into her hands with a groan "No! Anything but that!"

Opie laughs and runs his hands down his wife's back "It's okay babe, I recovered."

Cam's eyes widen and she looks between them "Now I definitely need to know. Spill, someone."

Leaning back into Jax's arms further I can't help the little shiver that works its way through my back when a particularly cold gust of wind brushes over us "Cold babe?"

I nod "A little."

Juice leans over and pulls Jax's hoodie from the spot where it had been dropped and passes to me silently.

"Thanks Juice."

Juice shrugs "No problem Sarah."

I roll my eyes towards the sky and lean towards him, grabbing his hand before he can pick up his shot glass. He lifts his startled eyes to me and blinks slowly "If you insist on calling me Sarah all the time I am going to start calling you Juan-Carlos, or Coffee. S is fine, that's what all my friends call me."

Juice's eyes dart between mine and Jax's behind me and the short nod of his head is enough for me to let go of his hand with a smile "Good. Now, D's first experience riding bitch was not on the back of Opie's bike as you'd expect, but Tigs."