Chapter 3

The air was still and as if the tension had dissipated like a thin mist. Both Rey and Ben looked at their hands as if neither believed what they were experiencing was real. His palm was cold and carried burn scars; hers was warm and rough. Together the energy was palpable. The Force flowed through their fingertips, swimming through one's body before returning to the other. Abstract images and thoughts were passed telepathically, none of which made much sense on their own, but much like a shared dream, the emotions they stirred were mutually understood. Rey closed her eyes, and leaned forward to tighten her grip, eager to experience such closeness. She wrinkled her nose and smiled at the electric current that poked at her tongue and cheeks, as the Force surrounded them in an orb of static. Ben could not take his eyes off her, as he was enthralled by her sudden joyfulness and the serenity she brought to him.

He followed the gentle curls of her hair, and the way they proudly sat atop her shoulders. His posture relaxed as he took in her brilliant smile and radiant expression. His heart picked up its pace at how close they were, as he glanced at her robed figure. Sure, she was modestly dressed, but it only increased his interest in her natural figure. The darkness urged him to act on emotion and desire alone, but he suppressed the thoughts and returned to her smile. She looked at him now, with an expression he had never seen before. Although that was not quite right, he supposed he had seen it somewhere, perhaps in his final moments on Exegol. It was as though she was happy to be looking at him, and to be in his presence. It was not an occurrence he could remember happening often.

Why is this beautiful creature, he wondered, looking…at me?

Rey had once loathed his appearance—seeing too much of his father's resemblance in him only managed to stir feelings of loss in her. She was not sure when that had changed, but now she could hardly believe she once looked at him with disgust. His dark, soulful eyes that once were a point to be avoided, now glistened in the light and captivated her focus. The wounds she had inflicted on him were now washed away as though they were never meant to stay. She raised her hand to his cheek, intent to learn if there was truly no remaining tarnish to his skin. At that, Ben flinched, to which Rey recoiled with a look of guilt. He gave a small smile, and gently grabbed her hand and placed it on his cheek. Hesitantly, she traced with her thumb where the scar had once been, tilting her head in curiosity at how there was no evidence of its existence. She was surprised at how relieved she was to see her rage no longer stained him. It was as if his image had been restored, and Rey could not help but to inspect him like a fine sculpture. Of course, his large frame had once intimidated her, and she questioned many times how she would best him in close combat. But in such times of peace, she could admire his powerful form without such a critical eye.

Despite being underfed, his muscles had not begun to atrophy, and clothed in the thick sweater she provided him, it would have been difficult for anyone else to discern his poor condition. Her mind wandered to their exchange on Ahch-To, and how he presented himself with such confidence. If asked, she would firmly remain in denial, but the image of his remarkable form had eaten at her mind since then. But now she was mere inches away, and wanton thoughts began to form. Thoughts she blushed at the idea of acting on.

The energy in the Force reached a crescendo between their touch, to which Rey stood quickly from her chair, her cheeks bright red and her expression quite bashful. Ben widened his eyes, rather perplexed. He tilted his head but said nothing—he had felt it too. The overwhelming urge to act on instinct, and the natural exchange of energy between them. He exhaled, not realizing he had been holding his breath. Rey looked back to him with a nervous smile, having regained some of her usual composure.

"Come with me. I believe you deserve to have a look around the ship, since it's been a while," she said.

"A walk down memory lane, huh? I guess I wouldn't mind that," Ben said.

He tried to appear unaffected by their interaction moments ago. He stood and stretched, his form towering over Rey. She blushed briefly, feeling rather small,

"How is your shoulder?" She asked.

"Almost like new. I'd say in a week or so I'll be free to break it again."

Rey furrowed her brow, her expression full of concern.

"It's a joke," he added.

Rey walked through the corridor into the main hold, with Ben following closely. It was nearly as Ben remembered, although some things had been moved around. Various storage containers lined the walls, most of them uninteresting and their contents likely just as mundane. He was immediately drawn to the round table to which he approached and slid into the seat. He smiled to himself as he laid his hands atop the Dejarik board, careful not to activate it.

"Does this thing still work?" he asked.

Rey nodded and clasped her hands behind her back. He smirked and nodded as well.

"I used to play this for hours during flights. I wonder if I'm still any good at it," he said.

"You'll have to teach me some time. I still have no idea how to play," Rey said.

"It's easy to play, it's the strategy that takes talent. I don't know if you're cut from the right cloth," Ben said, folding his arms.

"Oh, really? That sounds like a challenge."

"It could be."

Rey bit her lip, having no decent response. She still felt nervous around him, but she could not understand why. She tried to ignore the thick tension that filled the space between them, as she gestured widely to the encircling walls.

"Has this ship always been so…bare? I've been trying to think of ways to maybe personalize things a bit. Interior decorating isn't really my strong suit," she said.

"It's always looked like this, why change it?" He asked.

She shrugged, letting out a breath.

"I don't know. It just feels empty," she said.

Ben took a quick glance around the main hold and shrugged as well.

"Feels like home to me," he said.

"We must have very different perspectives on what home is then," she replied.

"Tell me, Rey, what is home to you?" He asked as he unfolded his arms and leaned forward on the table.

"I don't know, I'll know it when I see it though. That much I can say for sure," she said, picking up stray parts and placing them into containers across the room.

"When you were on Jakku, what was your living situation like?"

"Caves, old ships, vacant houses maybe. Anything that was suitable I guess."

"Did they provide you shelter?"

"Yes."

"So, what exempts caves and old ships from being homes?"

Rey paused, looked at Ben, then at the floor. For a moment, she was pensive.

"I guess I don't know what a home is, I just know what it's not," she said.

"Home is the people in it, right?" Ben said with an air of confidence.

"Sure, the people contribute a lot to a home. But it feels like more than that."

Ben raised a brow.

"I think you might be overestimating how domestic life is. It's not all its chalked up to be."

"How can you say that? Your parents loved you—you had a nice home."

Ben scoffed and shook his head.

"Let's not go there; you don't know the half of it," he paused, "So, did the old man ever get the parts upgraded on this thing or not?"

"It's mostly original," she said, recognizing his reluctance to push the former subject any further.

"I should have guessed. Mind if I take a look at the hyperdrive?" Ben asked, rising from the couch.

Rey gestured to the main corridor and trailed behind him as they walked to the engineering bay.

The room was large but sparsely populated and brightly illuminated in a blue glow. Sublight engines took up most of the wall space, and the hyperdrive was situated just to the right of the door. The floor panel to the freight elevator rattled as they walked across it. Ben immediately began removing a superficial plate that covered the hardware of the hyperdrive. Rey leaned forward.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Checking the motivator," he said.

"What for? The hyperdrive gets maintenance every few thousand light years or so."

"Right. And how many lightspeed skips have been performed since its last maintenance?"

Rey looked up in thought before shaking her head. She thought to some days ago when Poe returned the ship, nearly engulfed in flames, to Ajan Kloss after a series of hijinks.

"I can't say for sure," she said.

"You're lucky she's made it this far. As soon as we land, she's going to have to be looked at. If we even make it to Tatooine," he said with a string of uncertainty.

"Don't say things like that!"

"I'm just saying," he turned from the hyperdrive and gave Rey a smirk, "It's a sturdy ship, but she has her quirks. Can't be too careful with this one. What this thing could do with some First Order engineering, though."

"I don't suppose you would know where to acquire some parts?" Rey asked.

"I'm sure there are dealers out there looking to unload some First Order tech," Ben said, struggling to fix a misaligned coupler.

"But?"

"Well, it's not exactly cheap. How long do you intend on keeping this thing?"

"Forever. I could never sell the Falcon. Not after all we've been through."

"Then maybe a few upgrades are worth investing in."

Rey nodded and looked around the room. Ben continued to examine parts of the hyperdrive, appearing to get more involved with the project as pieces began to litter the floor around him. Rey sighed and rubbed her neck.

"Well, I'm going to leave you to it. I'm not much of a night owl, but I'll be up for a bit if you need anything," she said.

Ben nodded, still absorbed in his work.

"And please, make yourself at home," Rey said.

Ben paused and turned to meet her eyes. Rey quickly added.

"I mean after all, this ship was yours long before it was mine."

Ben smiled.

"I thought you said you didn't know what home was?"

Rey gave a small smile in return and raised a finger.

"I said I'd know it when I saw it."

In the darkened room of the crew quarters, Rey laid awake in her bed, and listened to the soft drumming of the engines. Sleep would not come easy as she was suddenly overwhelmed with the proposition she agreed to hours earlier. For all the time she had pursued bringing Ben to the light, she never considered what that would look like in practical terms. Perhaps it was because she knew the endeavor was hopeless, but these circumstances were not so typical. So, she drummed her fingers against her navel as she stared at the ceiling.

Their route was still set for Tatooine, but now the prospect of departing without Ben seemed unreasonable and caused a brief wave of anxiety to wash over her.

The Force wants us together, she told herself.

In the vacuum they floated through, the idea seemed simple enough to execute. All they had to do was tolerate each other in a confined space. But the Resistance was expecting her at some point. She considered the possible scenarios: the first being to land at the base and pretend as if nothing was problematic about their new guest. It was a scenario that had an extremely low chance of ending without someone dying, so she kept thinking.

She could request more time away, but that would only delay the issue at hand and ultimately draw suspicion if she continued to postpone her arrival. Not to mention, it increased the likelihood her concerned friends might come looking for her. How would her closest comrades react to Ben being alive, and on the Falcon, alone with her? She smiled at the thought, imagining how outraged they would be. But it was reality, so she would have to find a way to break the news before they got anywhere near Ajan Kloss.

Would the Resistance shoot them down if they found out? It was not a scenario she wanted to imagine, but it was in the realm of possibility. Ben, being the de-facto leader of the First Order, was more than a minor security threat. Rey failed to imagine how the Resistance members might be able to look past his transgressions, especially Finn and Poe, who had personal reason to despise him. This all left little room for compromise.

Rey frowned and turned her criticism inwards. Was she forgetting the weight that was being held over her as well? She could not deny she liked Ben by some ethereal design, despite how much it contradicted her moral compass. In the same vein, she struggled to rationalize her stance on his past actions, whether he deserved forgiveness, and if she was being overly compassionate towards him. She shifted uncomfortably beneath the sheets and closed her eyes. She asked the Force for guidance, hoping the answer would come swiftly and with concise understanding, but instead, she got silence.

Like a swarm, the darkness snaked through the room and landed on her chest. It sunk into her and pressed her against the mattress. It grabbed at her neck, took her breath away and made her moan. The way the darkness teased her was something she could never find in the Light, and she liked it. This struggle was little more than a fleeting second in time, but the truth was as clear to her as it was to Ben. They needed each other, no—wanted each other, despite their differences and despite the pain they had inflicted on each other. Healthy? No, but reality was often stranger than fantasy. Rey continued to think, as sleep dragged her away.

This is about the greater good.

By the clocks of the ship, it was midday, though the days seemed to be melding together on such an arduous journey across the galaxy. Despite the monotony, loud chatter punctuated by occasional laughter filled the usually empty main hold. Ben and Rey sat across from each other in the booth, with a few empty plates and cups on the humble table between them.

"So, what did you do after Unkar Plutt found out you were stealing his tools? How did you manage to escape?" Ben asked, leaning forward.

Rey covered her face with both hands, chuckling as she shook her head.

"I ran like a fathier without a saddle! The tools were already in a little satchel, so I slung everything over my shoulder and high-tailed it! One of his guys almost tripped me up but I'm slippery when I need to be," Rey said between laughter.

Ben was laughing too, imagining a Crolute trying to run with such fat, stubby legs. Rey groaned at the silly memory.

"It was such a stupid decision too. I wasn't allowed back into town for weeks! I had to beg Unkar for forgiveness when I finally ran out of water;" Rey said, resting her chin on her palm, "it's a miracle I wasn't exiled with all the things I pulled on him."

"Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who was a mischievous child," Ben said.

He leaned back and stretched his legs beneath the table. Rey furrowed her brow and placed one hand on her chest.

"Whoa, whoa! Don't conflate me trying to survive with your antics. All you described was you being trouble just for the sake of being trouble," she said with a playful grin.

"No, I just had to find ways to entertain myself. And I'll admit, sometimes that involved getting into trouble, but what else was a boy to do?" Ben replied with a smile, combing his fingers through his hair.

"What a terrible excuse. I'm starting to think trouble might just be a factor of your personality. Who knows, maybe you'll come up with a better excuse before we land?" Rey said.

She spoke without a thought, but quickly regretted her words as she watched Ben's expression drop. He intertwined his fingers in his lap and stared hard at Rey—his once bright expression now quite reserved.

"I must imagine you've put some thought into what you plan to do with me once we arrive on Tatooine? You have yet to be forward with me about your destination as well," he said.

Rey swallowed, finding it difficult to meet his gaze under such scrutiny.

"I have been thinking about it, and I've changed my mind about Tatooine. I never really wanted to just leave you there, I only thought it might be convenient for you. I suppose it's about time I asked what you would like to do, Ben."

"My guess is you are expected to return to the new base on Ajan Kloss, correct?"

Rey nodded.

"This is a tedious situation, to say the least. Make no mistake, Rey, no matter how much your friends care about your wishes, they will not allow me to set foot near their base. In fact, I imagine the moment they learn of my whereabouts they will set out to find me," he shifted uncomfortably, "and being the leader of the First Order, I tend to think my sentence will be nothing less than death. Not to mention the remnants of the First Order, who will want my head for treason as well."

A thick silence fell over them, sapping the previously joyous energy from the room. Slowly, Rey shook her head and cracked a small smile. To that, Ben raised a brow with an unamused expression.

"I fail to see what's so funny about that," he said.

"It's just…it's so bizarre that the universe would allow you to return from death only to put you in such a precarious position. It's cruel really," she said.

Ben looked up at the ceiling, searching for answers that were not there.

"Perhaps that is a fitting punishment—to be denied self-sacrifice and made to face a less honorable death. You can't say it isn't just, or at least poetic," he said.

"Death is not justice, Ben. Atonement maybe, but never death. The Resistance won't kill you; I won't allow it."

"I'll admit your idealism is admirable, but I don't believe the decision is yours alone to make."

"Well, if they want my support, they'll have to listen to me."

"And if they don't?"

"I haven't gotten that far yet."

"It's important we discuss a plan going forward. We only have so many days left on the ship before we have to make some serious decisions."

"I won't let the Resistance take you—it's out of the question. The only way you're going to them is if they will grant a parley. Tatooine is still on the table, or a similar planet if it's in the Outer Rim. Of course, you could always go somewhere else; we'd have to find you a ship, but it can't be impossible."

"It sounds like in all cases, you won't be coming with me, will you?"

"I know the Force and all that suggested we stick together, but I just don't see how that's possible. I'd have to abandon the Resistance, and, well, that's a heavy demand for me at the moment, Ben."

"I understand, although my position still stands when it comes to picking sides."

Rey shook her head.

"Your position?" She asked.

"On the Supremacy, when I told you I was done with the Jedi and Sith, I meant it. The First Order no longer has my loyalty, but I'll be honest in saying I'm disappointed you still cling to the Resistance," Ben said, leaning in again.

Rey licked her lip and shrugged,

"I'm sorry you feel that way. Were you hoping I'd choose to follow you?" She asked.

"Follow me? No, I see you as an equal. I want you to stand beside me—I've said that more than once now," he paused, "What I'm trying to say is the war is over. The Resistance has overthrown the First Order and will work on restoring their ideal version of the galaxy. They don't need people like us—Force users—in their ranks. We could disappear, create the life that we were denied, and the galaxy would go on as it always has."

There was a long pause as the two stared into each other's minds. The drumming of the engines was like a ticking clock, counting the long seconds that passed between them. Rey looked down, feeling at once quite vulnerable and confused. She let out a deep and pensive sigh and shook her head.

"I just…," she began.

Ben remained quiet, allowing her to collect her words. For him the answer seemed so obvious, but he maintained his patience. After minutes of uncomfortable silence, Rey dropped her shoulders and let out a breath. She tilted her head at Ben with a meek expression.

"Do you want a drink?" She asked.

Ben barely had time to comprehend her words before Rey had stood up and was motioning for him to follow. He let out a frustrated sigh but slid out from the booth and followed her down the hall.