Chapter 5

Ben coughed. He looked up slowly, afraid of what he might see. The room was silent and shrouded in darkness. He could barely see the translucent shards in front of him. No lights flashed; no alarms rang. He sat up and looked around with a dazed expression. He ran his hand over his arm which stung under his touch. He pulled a thick shard of transparisteel from his skin, and a drop of blood fell from the wound. The ringing in his ears had stopped, as the sound of his racing heart filled the small space. He suddenly felt claustrophobic. He looked to his side, where Rey was laying. He placed a hand on her shoulder and gently shook her.

"Rey?" He asked with a cough.

She groaned. Her eyes opened, and she blinked a few times like she had just awoken from a nap. She slowly sat up and grabbed the back of her head. She groaned again.

"Are you hurt?" Ben asked.

"I hit my head. Where are we?" Rey asked, as she rubbed her aching skull.

"We're still in the cockpit, I think," Ben said.

Having adjusted to the darkness, he could make out an object laid over them, keeping them trapped against the wall with barely enough room to stand. He reached one hand out to feel a cold metal slab—a panel from the ship's hull. He leaned against it, but it stayed firmly rooted in place. Rey stood on wobbly legs and placed her hands against the panel as well. She thought for a moment, as Ben continued to push.

"Let's try moving it with the Force," she said, and looked towards Ben.

He nodded and stepped back. They each reached out a hand, with their palms faced towards the solid metal. Rey closed her eyes. An energy gathered between them, one they both felt. It spread like fire and heated them both. A sharp, scraping sound emitted from the panel as it began to move away from them. They pushed hard with the Force as they let the power of the universe condense in their palms. The metal pushed against them, too. Rey furrowed her brow as she found it difficult to apply even pressure. She gave a few labored breaths, then looked over at Ben who seemed unaffected. She pulled her hand back, with the realization that she was not contributing as much as she thought. The panel began to swivel and creak as it fell backwards. The two stepped back before it landed with a heavy crash. Ben looked at Rey, slightly confused. Rey shook her head with the smallest tell of embarrassment,

"I'm still learning how to push things," she said.

Ben regarded her for a moment, his expression unreadable. He then walked forward into the darkness to survey the state of the room. Rey looked up and was surprised to see a multitude of stars overlaid with one distant arm of the galaxy.

The slabs of transparisteel that once covered the cockpit canopy were mostly broken and missing. From what each of them could see, the console was intact and undamaged, but the hull was dented in places where the blast shields took the greatest impact. A few metal panels like the one they had moved were torn from the ship's exterior, exposing the room to the outside. Cold air swept through the ship. Occasionally, Ben and Rey would look to each other for some reassurance but neither had any words for the scene they found themselves in.

They crept through the main hallway, careful to avoid any exposed wiring from the ceiling, or debris that littered the floor. Some rooms were in a worse state than others, but the back half of the ship had been spared from significant damage. With each passing minute, the ship grew colder, forcing them to grab extra clothes as they each checked their rooms for damage. They reached the back of the ship, where besides a few loose panels and broken lights, the cargo bay and sublight engines were undisturbed. They stood in the cargo bay and stared at the engines.

"We're lucky the shields kicked in," Ben said. Rey could only nod in agreement.

They returned to the cockpit after an attempt to open the main hatch, which refused even with manual controls. The answer was clear: they would have to climb from the wreck. One after the other, Ben and Rey climbed out of the hull where the massive panel had been torn away. Using any nook of the ship's exterior they could get ahold of; they scaled the hull until they got close enough to drop to the ground. Rocks crunched beneath their feet as they stepped away from the ship. Upon impact, the ship dug into the planet's surface, which created a crater of frozen dirt and sharp stones. They crawled out of the shallow ditch where the ship lay and looked out on the land.

A sea of boreal forest stood before them, as the tall trees all but enclosed them in their tiny plot of dirt and debris. Besides the rocky outcroppings, small shrubs and thick grasses grew under the tree canopy. In the crash, the Falcon had cut a severe gash through the forest, leaving a trail of trees cut at their bases and a dark scar across the land. Beyond the cut trees, the horizon came into view. The star of this planet, obscured by thick clouds, hung low on the skyline; it sent faint, muted rays of red and orange through the otherwise clear atmosphere. It looked to be half the size of an average star. Despite the presence of the sun, the landscape was wholly devoid of light. A stiff wind swept through the forest, forcing the trees to dance and creak at its touch.

Rey had wrapped a thick, white linen around her head and neck, and pulled it tight as the wind bit at her cheeks. From beneath the cloth, she spoke with cautious curiosity,

"What is this place?"

For a moment, Ben was quiet as his eyes scanned the horizon. He swallowed hard.

"Well," he paused, "if I didn't know any better, I'd say this is the planet Vicondor."

"What makes you think you're wrong?" Rey asked, looking at him.

"It shouldn't be here. It was destroyed by the Starkiller nearly a year ago, before we even met," Ben said, gesturing out towards the horizon, "and yet, here we are."

"This is the first I'm hearing of this. Why did the First Order want to use the Starkiller here?"

"Just to test the weapon. It was a well-kept secret."

"Well, assuming we are on Vicondor and not somewhere else, someone lied to you. And how did you all plan to keep something like that a secret?"

Ben shrugged, "No name planet in the Mid Rim goes missing, big deal. It might have made front page news at Station 88. The bloated Republic would have barely had time to notice, let alone act."

Rey stepped in front of him,

"You mean you were going to blow up a whole planet in the Middle Rim for target practice, and you didn't expect any neighboring systems to notice?"

"Well, when you put it like that it doesn't sound as cool as it did in the boardroom," Ben said.

"The First Order has boardroom meetings about blowing up planets?" Rey said with a degree of bewilderment, her voice raising a few octaves. Ben raised a hand, a subtle plea for her to calm down.

"Yes, we do—we did. You say that like it's weird. Right now, we need to focus on finding a way out of this mess, or we're going to become a frozen meal for whatever lives in this miserable wasteland. Or worse," Ben said, turning towards the ship.

"What could be worse than that?" Rey asked.

"If the First Order finds us, we're going to wish we didn't make it out of that crash."

They both slid down into the ditch of rocks where the Falcon waited. Ben boosted Rey up to where she could grab onto the hull of the ship and climb back through the opening near the cockpit. Rey reached her hand out to assist him, but using the Force, Ben jumped up and landed rather gracefully in the ship.

"Stop showing off! I can do all that stuff too, you know," Rey said, her eyes narrow.

Ben chuckled, untying the heavy cloak that draped around his shoulders,

"You couldn't even push a piece of sheet metal."

"I could if I wanted to!" She said.

"You should have wanted to then. You don't have to feel ashamed; this is basic stuff I can teach you. Then, maybe you can teach me your power to heal. Fair?" Ben asked.

He moved to the console and began the sequence to boot up the computer system.

"No, it doesn't. I told you, I can't teach you how to heal because, well, your power in the Force comes from the Sith. Dark side users just can't learn it," Rey said.

"Oh, really? Is that what Skywalker told you?" Ben asked.

"No, in fact, it's explained in one of the eight sacred scrolls written by the ancient masters of the Jedi order," Rey said.

Ben rolled his eyes.

"So, dark side users can resurrect people from the dead, but simply healing broken bones is too much?"

Rey was quiet.

"They're just old books, Rey. The Jedi masters didn't have all the answers, they wrote what they thought was true," Ben said, punching commands into the console.

"Maybe you just don't know what it means to be a Jedi," Rey said.

"Ah, you know so little about me, Rey, it's almost kind of endearing. Let's just say I know enough about the Jedi to know that their teachings made no sense and they're all dead. Now are we going to keep arguing or are we going to fix this ship?" Ben asked, turning his chair to face Rey.

She turned her face from him, finding it difficult to swallow her pride. Begrudgingly, she took a seat in the co-pilot chair and began testing the controls.

They had worked for hours in near silence, only occasionally talking about the status of the ship, and offering advice when one was stuck on what to do. Each moved back and forth between the cockpit and the cargo bay, trying commands, checking the equipment, rebooting the system, over and over until they ran out of ideas.

The ship had grown as cold as the outside, and no number of commands or manual tweaking would engage the climate controls. So, both Ben and Rey kept adding layers until they were satisfied. Their breath came out as dense clouds of mist, but they conserved their words.

For as long as they had been working, the sun never changed its position in the sky, which confirmed Ben's suspicion: this was Vicondor. As Ben worked in the cargo bay, tearing apart the coupler system, thoughts played in his mind that he wanted answered. Had the First Order generals changed their minds on testing the weapon? If so, why wasn't this communicated to him? Had there been a malfunction on the day of testing, and the project was unceremoniously scrapped? Ben had been on a mission on the opposite side of the galaxy at the time and was not expected to attend the test. General Hux had assured him it would be a boring affair compared to his current mission, and that there was no need for the Master of the Knights of Ren to be in attendance. Ben paused his work, as a realization struck him. A sneaking suspicion. A sudden feeling that something was very wrong. Rey's voice, Someone lied to you.

"Hux," Ben whispered.

He left his project in a pile on the floor and made his way back to the cockpit. He entered, and saw that Rey was sitting on the floor, working on a bundle of wires and chips she pulled from beneath the console. She paused to look at him as he approached and stood over the pilot's chair.

"How's it coming along in the back room? Did you figure out what was wrong with the coupler? As if I even need to ask," Rey said, focusing on a chip.

"Did the Resistance ever say what happened to General Armitage Hux?" Ben asked. Rey made a puzzled expression and paused her work.

"General Hux? I was informed he was executed, but I don't know the details. Why do you ask all the sudden? Shouldn't you be the one to know that, after all?" Rey said.

Ben deflated and took a seat. He looked pensive and worried. Rey felt a sting of fear from him, making it difficult to concentrate on anything else. Still sitting on the floor, she turned to face him, and regarded him with some concern.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

Ben shook his head,

"I'm not sure. This planet should not be here. If the plans had changed, I should have known about it. General Hux was overseeing the project, and I seem to remember he was quite eager to see its completion. And yet, I never heard a word from him about it after the projected date—successful or otherwise."

"What are you getting at?"

"I'm starting to suspect he never actually intended to use the weapon here. I think he was using that narrative as a cover."

Rey shrugged,

"What would he have been trying to cover up? And what would it matter now that he's dead?"

"I don't know, but whatever it was, he didn't want me to find out," Ben said.

They sat in silence for a moment, as the trail of questions had led them nowhere. Ben stared at the console, lost in thought. Rey stood up and brushed herself off, then headed for the hallway.

"All this work and talk of conspiracy is making me hungry," she said with some levity,

"and it would do you good to eat as well."

She disappeared down the hallway. Ben looked up at the dark sky and its twinkling silence. He gathered his thoughts and followed her.

They sat at the round table and chatted over Haroun bread and what was left of the orxtle stew. Two glasses of bantha milk stood in the center. Both Rey and Ben were rather quiet and content, trying to avoid discussing the dire reality that surrounded them. Rey stretched and grabbed her third bread bun.

"So, what is there to know about this planet? I assume we'll have to venture out there at some point," she said as she gestured beyond the confines of the ship.

Ben ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled,

"There's not much to know. It's mostly unpopulated, but I know the First Order would send patrols out here, as well as to Vortex and Dorin."

"Is there a reason the Sun hasn't moved in the sky? Does the planet just rotate slowly?"

"It doesn't rotate at all. It's tidally locked to the system's star."

"What does that mean?"

"It means one half of the planet lives in darkness, and the other in the light. We're lucky we landed, I'm guessing, close to the border. I imagine if we traveled any further west we'd find a frozen desert—maybe 200 degrees Kelvin."

Rey made a face of discomfort, feeling cold enough already.

"Who could live on such a planet?" She asked.

"I don't know what the native species call themselves, but they mostly live on the light side of the planet near the ocean. They must be pretty tough to live in a place like this," he said.

"Well, I wish we had landed on the warm side."

"If we start moving east it might warm up, although I kind of like this weather."

"So, what are we going to do? Even if we repair the computer system and get the engines going, the canopy is still missing in the front. We'll never be able to pressurize the cabin."

Ben shook his head,

"I don't know. Try to find a town or city and get materials. The only other option would be to send a message out, but the communication systems still need work."

Rey nodded,

"If we get the system working, I can contact the Resistance base at Ajan Kloss. They can't be far from here, assuming we didn't stray too far from the charted route."

"Great. I'm sure they'll be thrilled to see me," Ben said, stretching in his seat.

"We don't have much of a choice, Ben. We either call the Resistance or the First Order, and I can't imagine the First Order will be more welcoming."

"Or we could start anew in this virgin wilderness like pioneers and call it a day," Ben said, gesturing with his hand.

"You know I can't do that," Rey said.

Her expression was unmoving, but Ben felt uncertainty under those words.

"Why not? We've been over this; you don't owe the Resistance anything. What do you even plan to do there now that the war is over?"

Rey shifted uncomfortably,

"There's still First Order remnants out there, and the Sith Eternal is a new threat we hadn't expected. So, it's not like there's no fighting to be done, but more importantly, my whole life is with the Resistance at this point. My friends, my possessions, my purpose. You're asking a lot for me to leave all of that. I can understand why you'd want to leave the First Order, but I am quite happy with the Resistance."

Ben sighed,

"Alright, alright, I get it. Just know, they're going to throw me in jail or send me to Coruscant to be executed. All of your work to bring me back will have meant nothing."

"No, they won't. I'll figure something out. The people in the Resistance are not like those in the First Order—they have the capacity for forgiveness."

Ben smirked and shook his head, tickled by her unyielding optimism,

"Not for someone like me."

Like so many sleepless nights, Ben lay awake in his bed, thinking about the mess he was in. But this time it was not a question of what atrocities he would have to commit, or what grueling training he would have to endure. Instead, it was simply that he felt cold and lost. He missed the noise of the engines, one that lulled him to sleep since he was young. The ship no longer felt like a vessel worthy of adventure and hope, but a wreck, and he was nothing more than a castaway. He thought back to when Rey said she lived most of her life in abandoned shipwrecks. He wondered if she felt some semblance of home here. He wondered if "home" was even real.

With one hand, he held a small piece of transparisteel he found on the floor. He threw it in the air and held it there with the Force. He let it fall, and made it slalom between his fingers. He repeated these little tricks again and again.

The Resistance is going to kill me, he thought, the Resistance is going to kill me, and this will all have been for nothing.

He wished he could just laugh at the notion the way his father would have, but the thought felt too real. He felt fear, not for himself, but for Rey. What consequences would she face for harboring him? Or worse—vouching on his behalf. It nagged at him like glass under the skin.

Why does she want to defend me? After all I've done to her.

He was a monster after all, she said so herself. Why would a monster deserve second and third chances? Images flashed of the pain he had inflicted on others throughout his life. He shook his head and pressed his eyes shut. He didn't want to deal with this right now, even though he had lived it every day until his death.

With a small gesture of his fingers, the piece of transparisteel flew across the room, hit the wall with a plink, and disappeared. He turned onto his side.

He couldn't imagine the Resistance without his mother. With every mention of the name, her image came to mind. He wondered who had taken over now that she was gone. He thought about how close he came to killing her. It was one of the worst experiences he had ever endured. In fact, he never beat himself up for not accomplishing the task: he feared the toll it would have on his heart would be inconsolable. It was the kind of pain the Jedi had claimed would lead to one's downfall, and Ben agreed. It had led to his downfall, and in turn led him here. He did not know what that would mean for him, but for now he was grateful for the pain. It meant he was still human after all.

A few hours had passed, and much like her counterpart in the Force, Rey was awake and filled with questions of what to do next. Even with three blankets, she was still cold, but the icy air kept her mind ablaze with ideas. She figured she was at an advantage now that the Resistance generals happened to be her friends, and yet she frowned. Both Finn and Poe had encountered Ben, in multiple circumstances, none of which were close to civil. She could not blame them for their animosity towards Ben—he had tried to kill all of them at one point or another. She knew she could not try to justify his past actions, but perhaps she could appeal to their shared optimism of hope for a better future. Ben's words rang in her ear from earlier,

They're going to throw me in jail or send me to Coruscant to be executed.

She had heard of Coruscant, but to her knowledge, the Resistance barely dealt with them. Leia Organa had told her the New Republic saw the Resistance as extremists, and not to rely on them for support. So why would Ben have brought up Coruscant? Perhaps he believed the Resistance was sponsored by the Republic. Perhaps he believed by killing him, the Resistance might gain some monetary or political capital. Suddenly, a thought came her,

What if the New Republic thinks he's already dead?

It was simple, elegant even. It was a solution that required no further input. So far, Ben and Rey were the only ones who knew his living status.

So long as he keeps a low profile, as far as the galaxy is concerned, Kylo Ren was killed during the Battle of Exegol.

It almost seemed too easy. Convincing the galaxy of Ben's return to the light would not be necessary. That would only leave the Resistance to need convincing. It would be an upwards battle, but it was a better alternative to convincing a whole galaxy of individuals who unanimously wanted to see him dead. She could hardly wait. She needed that communications system to work.

Rey shoved the blankets aside and hopped off the bed. She threw on layers of clothes until the shivering stopped. Now having spent hours moving through the wreck, she navigated the shadowy hallway with ease until she reached the cockpit. She stopped short of the entrance, surprised to see a figure reclined in the pilot's seat, feet perched on the console. His familiar features pointed towards the sky, where the stars twinkled in a listless dance. She stepped forward,

"What are you doing up?" She said as she approached the console.

"Waiting for you," Ben said.

"You knew I was up?"

"I could feel you thinking."

"You were eavesdropping on my thoughts?"

Ben smirked,

"I can't read your mind like that. I could just tell you were deep in thought."

Rey sat in the co-pilot's chair and shoved her cold hands into the folds of her robes. She looked up at the sky, and then around at the forest. After a few quiet moments, she began,

"Do you feel like our Force bond, or whatever it is, is getting stronger? It seemed like it started off as just a whisper, but now I don't know how to describe it. It's almost like—,"

"—We share the same space," Ben said, as he looked over to Rey.

She nodded slowly, having thought the same words.

"And yet, for some legendary duo, we argue a lot," Rey added with some levity.

"All couples argue," Ben replied.

Rey's face flushed with heat,

"Hold on, I wouldn't call us a couple; it's only been like a day and a half since we had that conversation. Let's just take it slow with the labels."

"Do you have commitment issues or something? Because I don't mess with girls that have that kind of baggage," Ben said, slightly mocking.

"Shut up," Rey laughed, "I don't have any relationship baggage. It just feels, I don't know, weird to say we're a couple just because we're a 'dyad', or whatever."

"Rey, this has nothing to do with the Force. Maybe I haven't made this clear, but I like you. I like you a lot, dyad or no dyad," Ben said.

"Oh really? What do you like about me then?" Rey said, quickly switching to a playful tone.

She pulled her knees up to her chest. She had completely forgotten why she came into the cockpit in the first place. Ben rolled his eyes and sunk into his chair,

"You're really going to make me put my heart out on my sleeve, aren't you?"

Rey shrugged with a small smile, gesturing for him to continue.

"You're cruel," Ben said, he sighed, "Okay, where to begin. Well, obviously, you're beautiful."

Rey blushed harder, not having expected him to be so bold.

"But that's just low-hanging fruit," he continued, "You have a lot of fight in you, and I've seen how strong you are. Not just physically, but mentally. The ability to show resilience when most would give up—it's a sign of good character."

"I didn't realize you were such a good judge of character," Rey said.

"No one ever said you have to have a good character to be a good judge of character. But let me continue, I like how embarrassed you look right now," Ben said.

Rey made a face of feigned offense, and lightly kicked him in the leg. Ben laughed.

"Let's see, you're very passionate about people and things you care about, which is not very 'Jedi' of you, but I think it's extremely attractive. In fact, the way you proudly wear all your emotions is magnetic," he said.

"So, you're saying I'm emotional?" Rey asked.

"Why do you have to take every nice thing I say and twist it into something negative? Regardless of what Skywalker taught you, emotions are a good thing. I've spent too much time around stuffy, emotionless people. Trust me, once you purge all of those things like passion and anger and sadness, well, you might as well not be human anymore."

Rey gave a small shrug.

"But you want to know what I like most about you?" Ben continued, "You're fearless. You didn't even know what I was capable of when we first fought, and yet you never conceded. You came to the Supremacy of your own volition and stood in front of Snoke like you were ready to die for your cause. Even Darth Sidious, the bane of my existence, wasn't enough to break you. What I would give for that kind of valor," he said, trailing off as they both looked beyond the ship, into the forest.

Rey no longer felt embarrassed, instead she felt a storm of emotions that made her sink into herself. She had never thought of herself as fearless, or valiant, or attractive. She stared at Ben's hand, which hung limply over the edge of his chair. His gaze was still focused on the foggy landscape; he dared not make eye contact with her as his words still lingered between them. As if compelled, Rey grabbed his hand.

Instinctively, Ben pulled back at her touch, then relaxed as their eyes met. He watched carefully as Rey opened his hand, and gently drew the lines of his palm with her finger. She spoke in a soft tone, one Ben was beginning to become quite attached to,

"I was never not afraid of what might happen to me when I did those things. And I never underestimated what you were capable of. But I do fight for my friends and the things I believe in, and I guess that includes you. So, if fighting for you meant taking on Snoke and my grandfather, then I wasn't about to show them my fear. That's just the person I am," she said, not looking up from their hands.

Ben watched her face as she focused on her mundane fiddling. He thought his heart might erupt, as he felt such an overwhelming admiration for the woman before him. In his eyes, she was perfect—she was everything he was not. He did not deserve her affection, or her openness, or her mercy. And yet, she sat there, caressing his hand like he was someone worth cherishing. A warmth filled his heart, a sensation he had not felt in decades. For a moment, he thought he was someone else.

"I don't understand," he said, as he shook his head, "how could you believe in someone like me?"

Rey met his eyes with such softness and understanding, in a language only they knew. It was a look he had only seen in one other person. It made him want to cry.

"I'll tell you, but you have to promise me something," Rey said.

"Promise you what?" Ben asked.

"That you'll never ask me that question again."