"Okay, this is going to be great," Whitney said. "Thanks for inviting us up into the Elite Four box!"

"It was the best way I could think of to make sure I got the inside view on what Ash's team is like," Cynthia replied. "Hmm…"

She carefully contemplated a list in front of her.

"What do you think?" she asked, holding it in front of Dawn.

Dawn considered, then tapped her finger against the option for an ice cream tasting platter.

"That to start with, then you can decide what you prefer?" she suggested.

"I like your style," Cynthia declared. "Anyway… right, we're at the prelims stage first."

"Yeah, I read about this," Whitney agreed. "Then I heard about it a lot from Ash as he tried to decide which Pokémon to use. You know he's got a spreadsheet for that kind of thing?"

"Not that he actually fills it out himself," Rapidash pointed out. "Just saying, he gets help from his friends to do that."

"His friends being his Pokémon, so it all fits," Whitney said.

"So…" Byron began. "Not that I'm complaining, but the sign on the door said that this room was for Gym Leaders and Elite Four members only. And I know Whitney is the Goldenrod Gym Leader, but I was wondering about… Dawn, is it?"

"That's right," Dawn agreed. "And I'm not actually sure, but I think it's because I'm the prospective junior Sunyshore gym leader."

Byron frowned.

"I'm just going to assume that that's a thing, rather than ask any further questions," he decided.

"Good call," Whitney told him. "So, let's see who Ash uses first!"

She glanced to the side. "Though, if you don't mind… why are the preliminary battles about hitting a target really hard?"

"It's because we're trying to reduce it down to sixty-four competitors in the battle rounds," Lucian said, leaning forward to explain. "If it was simple battle rounds, it'd be unfair to some people who'd either have to fight two battles, or get eliminated despite winning their battle, or some combination of those – unless an exact power of two of people entered, of course."

"I think I get that," Whitney replied, brightening. "So it's still subjective, but you can always rank the amount of damage done and then the people from fifty-five to seventy-four inclusive can do a stay-in-the-tournament match!"

"...actually that's a significant improvement on the structure we were going to use," Lucian admitted. "I need to make a quick phone call before the results are announced… and see if we can fit twenty more matches into the schedule…"

As he went off to do that, Dawn pointed. "There we go, Ash is up next on that field."

"Well, he's got quite a collection of Pokémon," Aaron said. "Let's see what comes first – uh – what Pokémon is that? Because it looks familiar, but I can't get over how it looks like flying bacon."

"That's Yveltal," Dawn supplied. "He's Shiny."

Yveltal spread his wings, and killed the block of stone.

"That was unsettling," Byron said.

"This Yveltal has a pseudo-counterpart Xerneas who can usually be found in Kanto," Zygarde provided helpfully. "Though that is mostly unnecessary. Yveltal does not believe in killing things which are alive in any meaningful sense."

"I would have thought things that were alive were the only things that can be killed," Byron admitted. "That's me told."

As his first qualifier was about to start, Ash waved. "Hi, Nando!" he said. "How are you doing?"

"All right," Nando replied. "Though I have to admit, I'm a bit apprehensive… but I'm sure my Pokémon will give a fine performance."

"Yeah," Ash agreed. "That's the important bit!"

He took a Quick Ball off his belt. "Ready?"

"I am ready," Nando confirmed.

"In that case, both trainers send out your Pokémon!" the referee said, and Nando sent out his Lopunny with a flash of white light.

Ash's Buizel came out onto the battlefield as well, and punched one fist into the other paw before repeating the move in reverse.

"And begin!" the referee added.

Nando strummed the strings of his harp, and a crystal forming one of the eyes of the Mew built into it began to glow. So did a crystal on an armband Lopunny was wearing, and while Buizel had gone flashing forward with a whirr of his tails to use Mach Punch the result was a collision with Mega Lopunny's paw.

"Thunderpunch!" Nando said.

"Sucker Punch!" Ash countered. "Outspeed him!"

"You know, you're one of the first people to get that right," Nando observed, as their Pokémon began a blurring dance of fists and tails. (Buizel had two, so he made up for Mega Lopunny not having much of a tail.) "It's just an assumption people seem to make, that a Mega Lopunny must be female."

"Huh," Ash frowned. "I guess maybe it's partly because of the routine you had in the Grand Festival, with Lopunny and Kricketune?"

"It could be," Nando agreed, then pointed. "High Jump Kick!"

"Unnamed priority psychic attack!" Ash replied, and Buizel zipped in to hit Mega Lopunny with a blast of telekinetic force before the Normal-type's jumping attack came crashing down.

"I can't think of any Psychic attacks that are considered priority moves," Lucian frowned. "Not offhand, anyway… has Ash discovered a new move?"

"I don't think so," Whitney replied. "But, um… okay, so I'm going to do my best to think like Mew, because this kind of thing is usually Mew's doing when it's not Ash's doing."

She pointed. "So Buizel's really fast, and he's good at moves which come out too quickly for the other Pokémon to react, like Extremespeed and Aqua Jet and Zippy Zap and things like that."

"Sorry, you've already lost me," Lucian said. "Zippy Zap? That's a move?"

"It is if I say it is," Mew told him, appearing with a squeaky little pop sound. "And I'd know, so there!"

Lucian looked at the Psychic-type, then at Whitney, and waved his hand vaguely between the two. "So… which of you is going to be doing the rest of the explanation?"

"Ooh, can I try?" Mew asked. "I want to see how well I can portray myself being portrayed by Whitney."

He cleared his throat. "So! Because Buizel is really good at those moves, it's really easy for him to pick them up. So he knows just about all of them, and there's a super-fast move for most Pokémon Types. But there's no real reason why there shouldn't be a super-fast move for the Psychic type, so Ash ordered Buizel to do it in case it worked, and it did!"

"There is no earthly way that should have worked like that," Lucian protested. "You can't just assume moves exist and then do them!"

"Shows what you know," Mew replied. "What do you think Struggle is?"

"That's a really good Armaldo you have there!" Ash said, recalling Buizel. "I didn't know some of them had Swift Swim – or that using Drill Run on a water attack turned it into something like the rain that makes Swift Swim work!"

"I will treasure the memory of surprising you for a long time," Nando replied. "I'm going to give Armaldo a rest for now, though. Would you like to hear my third Pokémon?"

"Nah, I know who I'm using," Ash replied. "Do you want to hear who it is?"

Nando demurred, and both trainers sent out their next Pokémon at once. In Nando's case, it was an Altaria who spread her wings and trilled a snatch of perfectly imitated Pikipek-song, while Ash sent out a Dragonite.

"You know, technically speaking, the fact that that's a Dragonite doesn't actually give away anything about your plans," Pikachu pointed out. "At all."

"Right, but if he knew that this isn't just a Dragonite but Dragonite it'd be a bigger clue," Ash agreed. "But he didn't, until now."

"I think he still doesn't," Pikachu said.

Aten flicked his tail.

"Oh, right, yeah," Ash realized. "Sorry."

"Does the tail flick have some kind of meaning?" Nando asked, interested. "I sometimes use my harp to send signals, and my Pokémon have similar signals, but I wouldn't think you'd need it."

Aten flicked his tail again, harder, then started continuously swishing it from side to side.

"It's a reminder that there isn't enough violence happening for his tastes," Ash said. "Aten likes action, whether he's involved or just watching it… we should probably get to the battling before he flicks his tail off. Or starts participating."

"Very well, then," Nando said, and strummed his harp. Altaria's wings swept open, and the Dragon-type hummed a pure note before using Dragonbreath.

Dragonite dodged away to the side, but Altaria's aim had actually followed him before he began moving, and he took a hit which blasted him back several paces.

"That's pretty cool!" Ash said, already frowning. "I wonder how she did that… Dragonite, Aurora Beam!"

His Dragonite smiled, and a multicoloured beam of light hit Altaria with a crash of ice against cloud. She sang another note, though, and the ice shivered away just as it formed – though it clearly did some damage anyway.

"Okay, now try Moongeist Beam!" Ash instructed.

"Hmm…" Dawn frowned. "I'm not quite sure what's going on there."

"You mean that ridiculous array of attacks?" Volkner said.

"No, that's obvious," Dawn replied, absently. "That Dragonite's got a really nice smile, so of course he knows all the beam moves. No, I mean how Altaria's using Lock On without appearing to use Lock On…"

She tilted her head slightly, then brightened. "Oh, I get it – it's like how it's possible to read electrical currents in muscles? Only Altaria's doing it based on echolocation and the way Dragonite tenses when he commits to which way to dodge, before he actually dodges, so she can aim her attack. It's a neat trick."

Flint gave Dawn a look. "You've been around Ash too long if you're understanding this stuff."

"I wonder if Ash's bracket is unusually strong, or if this is just normal and I'm paying more attention to it," Roark pondered. "I'm not really experienced enough to tell, I think. What do you think?"

He looked over at the various Elite Four members.

"Well, if Ash wins this one then he'll be facing what I think we're agreed is looking like a difficult battle, to close out his qualifiers," Cynthia said. "Then again, I don't know much about this Conway person."

"I think we met him at a summer camp," Dawn replied. "And maybe once or twice after that? I can't remember… so I can't really say."

She shrugged. "Sorry."

"Nothing to be ashamed of, dear," Bertha consoled her. "Let's find out about this Conway lad together, shall we?"

Ash's first Pokémon was his Starly, who stood on mid-air and took a martial arts pose.

Conway, for his part, sent out a Genesect.

Aaron dropped his soda. "What. On Earth. Is that."

"Hello again!" Ash said, waving. "You're that one from the summer camp, aren't you?"

"Correct," Genesect stated. "I enjoyed my time with Trainer Conway, and have decided to continue!"

"Well, I'm glad you worked out so well together," Ash smiled. "Okay, Starly, ready for this?"

"Emotionally, yes," Starly replied. "Physically, I make no promises."

"Okay, Genesect," Conway said. "I'm pretty sure you can treat this one as being… basically a Lucario who can fly."

"Understood," Genesect buzzed, not that Conway could understand but the idea seemed to get across.

"Begin!" the referee called.

"High-speed flight configuration!" Conway ordered, and Genesect jumped into the air and transformed. It blurred forwards in a Flame Charge, which Starly countered with Counter, but the momentum situation meant that Starly was still smashed back halfway across the arena.

"Except for Type," Conway added, a little belatedly. "Electroweb!"

"Bone Rush, and Stone Edge!" Ash called out. "Use the Bone Rush to get through the Electroweb, then hit Stone Edge shards at Genesect!"

"Dodge out of the way!" Conway called.

"You know what that Pokémon needs?" Mew said, watching. "A cannon. You know, like Blastoise has."

"Why that Pokémon specifically?" Stantler asked, his voice coming out of thin air.

"Oh, you know…" Mew shrugged. "Something just makes me think that that Pokémon would be better with a cannon."

She pointed at the space where Stantler was. "Now you, for example, would be served better by a shield. Or a shielding move. Hey, want to learn a move with shield in the name?"

"That's an awfully – one might say suspiciously – specific suggestion," Stantler said.

Then Starly hit the window, wings spread flat against it, and slowly peeled off.

"I'm okay!" he said, flying back into the fight.

"I revise my statement about Ash's bracket," Cynthia announced. "It appears to all be very strong, at least so far."

"Honestly, I think having strong trainers battling strong trainers is one of the most amazing things to watch," Whitney said. "It's when you really see people who are really good at Pokémon battling really stretching what they and their Pokémon are capable of."

Dawn smirked. "And I'm guessing the most amazing thing to watch is…?"

"Rayquaza!" Whitney replied. "There's a lot of competition, but at the moment it's Ash's Rayquaza. Especially when she's taking cooking lessons from Dragonite. Have you seen that adorable fireproof chef's toque for her tiny Groudon form?"

"Starly, I think you need a rest," Ash said.

Starly was currently embedded in the arena floor, and after a few seconds without a protest Ash recalled him.

"He's out of the fight," Ash added, making sure to explain that. "Do you want to switch Pokémon or stick with Genesect?"

"Hmm," Conway frowned, looking at Genesect. "I think I'll give Genesect a rest as well… the kind where I can use him later, that is."

He recalled the Bug-type, and Ash readied his next Pokéball – then sent out Typhlosion.

For his part, Conway sent out a Shuckle.

"Let's go, Typhlosion!" Ash called, holding up his Mega Ring.

"Power Trick!" Conway countered. "And Gyro Ball!"

"Okay, so… I get that Ash has found what might actually be the only Typhlosionite in existence," Flint said. "And I also get what that Shuckle is doing, because that's a trick Aaron used on me once. I had to get Lucian's help to extract Rapidash from the ceiling."

He shrugged. "But what I don't get is why Typhlosion is curled up in a ball and rolling around as well. Isn't that just making the battle the kind of thing Shuckle wants?"

"Well, you'd have to ask Ash about that, but I think it's because his Typhlosion started as a Cyndaquil," Dawn pointed out. "And so he learned that style of battling when he was a Cyndaquil and Quilava. That's my guess, anyway."

"But… wait, hold on," Flint said, waving his hand. "Typhlosion are a lot bigger and heavier than Cyndaquil or Quilava. And…"

He stopped, and chuckled. "I was going to say that when a Pokémon evolves into a heavier one it needs to change tactics, but then I realized that if I said that then someone, like Mew or whoever, was going to ask why. And I would be left wondering if I needed to explain really basic physics or whether you'd outlined some kind of fundamental truth to the universe that I'd never noticed."

"Actually he just uses Flame Charge and Rollout, since those increase speed and momentum," Dawn told him.

Flint sighed. "I can't win, can I?"

"Not in challenge battles against Cynthia you can't," Aaron said, smirking.

"Watch it, weak-to-fire," Flint replied.

"You're tough!" Mega Typhlosion said, skidding back from the latest impact. "Which is a bit odd because you used Power Trick, so you shouldn't be. But anyway – it's time for a special trick!"

He cracked his knuckles. "Did you know that gemstones are formed under intense heat and pressure, like you find under volcanoes?"

"I did, actually," Shuckle replied, then darted forwards and pinged off Mega Typhlosion again.

"Hey!" the Fire-type protested.

"Sorry, I thought the battle was still going?" Shuckle asked, one of his pseudopods forming a question mark.

"Yeah, but it's still rude," Mega Typhlosion huffed. "Anyway. Power Gem!"

He raised his arms, and a whoosh of flame and smoke swirled around them before producing an enormous green gemstone.

"Is that one the same as Shaymintwo's one?" Pikachu asked.

"No, it's clearly much better," Mega Typhlosion replied. "It's a Power Gem enriched by the heat!"

He threw it at Shuckle, and it exploded.

"So… is that, in any way, how Power Gem works?" Byron asked.

Roark shrugged. "Don't look at me. I'm only a Gym Leader specializing in Rock types, not whatever nonsense he's up to now."

"Ohhh, it looks like this battle is going to be interesting!" Whitney leaned forward a bit to look down at where Ash's latest opponent was slowly stepping up to the field, looking around the stadium.

"Oh? Do you know the trainer he's battling?" Flint squinted slightly for a better look as well. "He doesn't look familiar. What is his– huh…" He looked up at the large battle screen where the trainer's name was simply filled in with a question mark. "...that's new. How did I miss that?"

"We were all paying attention to Ash's nonsense?" Aaron suggested. "There's more than one qualifier at the same time."

"Well, that's probably a good indicator, too," Whitney agreed. "But I mostly meant that he's carrying his Pokémon out of their Pokeball." She pointed at the snoozing Spheal the trainer was holding in front of him with both arms. "In my experience people like that have at least an unexpected surprise or two up their sleeves. Also, that Spheal looks absolutely adorable, which makes it a great Pokémon by default."

"Shaymintwo, go!"

"Alright, who needs some… uhm…" Shaymintwo and Ash both paused to watch as their opponent set his Spheal down by the outer line of the field, poking it a few times before rolling it forward. The Spheal rolled to a stop upside down, letting out a soft snore as a sleep bubble grew from its nose.

"Sorry! Give me a moment! I should probably still have… really sorry about this!" He pulled off his backpack and rummaged around in it before pulling out a cardboard box, opening it up and retrieving…

Ash slowly tilted his head, squinting at the white triangle being waved around across the field. "Why did you bring a box of onigiri?"

"Actually, they're novelty shape–"

The Spheal's eyes suddenly snapped open, bubble popping as it jumped up and started bouncing up and down, eyeing the not-rice-ball. "Donut! Doooonut, doooonut~!"

"I am already regretting calling dibs on the first battle," Shaymintwo sighed.

"So, what's your name, anyway?" Ash asked, glancing up. "They don't seem to know it."

"Yeah, it was kind of hectic when I signed up," the boy agreed. "Spheal got away and I was chasing after her, and I dropped my badges, and I think they just put me down as unknown after I left? Anyway, it's not like a secret, it's-"

"Donuts, donuts, doooo~nuts!" Spheal sang.

"Huh, that's neat," Ash said. "Kind of awkward, but neat. Do you prefer first name? Surname? Oh, or initials?"

"Yeah, that'll do," the boy said.

"Dough and jelly, in my belly, do-o-o-o-o…nuts!"

"At least I know what to call you now," the referee said. "So, Ash Ketchum, OC, are you ready to begin?"

"Just give me a moment," OC requested. "She'll get kind of mad if she doesn't actually get her donut…"

Once that was all sorted out, and Shaymintwo had gone tch enough to satisfy himself, the referee slashed his hand down.

"Begin!" he called.

Spheal immediately used Ice Ball and began rolling around, and Shaymintwo took off with Flame Charge. Curls of fire flicked out from behind his paws, and he darted in to attack his opponent.

Just before he hit, there was a sudden flicker of golden light, and a ring-shaped mass of energy appeared in front of him. He tried to dodge out of the way, but it was moving towards him at least as fast as he'd been moving, and the impact knocked him through the air and bouncing off the wall.

"Ow," Shaymintwo summarized, then shook himself out. "Wait, what on earth was that?!"

Spheal licked her lips.

"Donuts, donuts, donuts with a hole," she sang.

Shaymintwo's eye twitched.

"Ooh," Mew said, getting out a tiny spiral-bound notebook and taking notes. "I've never seen Hyperspace Hole used to do that before! I'll have to talk to Hoopa about it!"

"How do you even tell that it was Hyperspace Hole?" Cynthia asked, as Whitney quietly squeed over the tiny notebook and tiny pencil. "If you've never seen it used to do that, I mean."

Mew flourished the pencil. "You can sketch with pencils, can't you?"

"Good point," Cynthia agreed. "Well made."

"Sprinkles, sprinkles, colourful and tasty," Spheal called, scattering dozens of tiny glittering fragments all over the area Shaymintwo was in. Most of them exploded. "Taste them, taste them, don't you be so hasty!"

"Going by what we've seen so far this League, that's probably another Power Gem," Roark said. "Not that I have any idea what it is, but I'm just going off general probability rules here."

"Eat this! Zap Cannon!" Shaymintwo said, pulling a ball of lightning from his planty bristles and shooting it at Spheal.

The Water-type slid briefly to a halt, used Hyperspace Hole again, and caught the Zap Cannon with it.

Then she ate the result.

"Okay, that's outrageous!" Shaymintwo protested, now honestly cross. "That's not how that attack works, this is complete nonsense!"

Even Ash gave him an askance look at that.

"...okay, but it's complete nonsense that isn't in our favour!" Shaymintwo said. "I'm putting in a formal complaint!"

Spheal cleared her throat.

"What now?" Shaymintwo asked.

"Wasabi cheese donut," she said, and exhaled a blast of flame.

"I was actually wondering about asking Ash whether he knew that he could just ask the Elite Four for a battle," Misty said. "I honestly don't know if he's aware of that, and I thought it was a bit unfair for him to enter normal Leagues given that he'd literally be the Hoenn Grand Champion if he hadn't said no about it."

Brock nodded. "And then?"

"And then I saw how he's doing in the Lily of the Valley," Misty explained. "I think his luck has decided to focus on his opponents, and no, I'm not sure how that's possible."

"Yeah," Brock agreed. "Who would have thought someone who wasn't Ash would have a Pokemon that's so easily bribed by donuts?"

Misty gave Brock a weird look. "They're not donuts, Brock," she said.

"Really?" Brock said, frowning. "Huh."

"How can you do this and let yourself be bribed by rice balls?" Shaymintwo shouted, down in the arena. "They're not even real donuts!"

"Jam, jam, jam, jam," Spheal sang, now up to considerable speed.

"All right, that's enough!" the Grass-type clone said. "Roar of TIME!"

A pulse of distorted time flashed out across the field, and Spheal froze in place.

"Finally," Shaymintwo said. "Now, playtime's over."

Spheal began to faintly vibrate, and said something.

"I didn't catch that," Misty said, glancing down at Togetic. "What was it?"

"She said, um… I think the sugar rush is kicking in," Togetic provided.

Shaymintwo used Teleport to get out of the way of the hyperspeed Spheal that shot out of his time-distortion, but she bounced off the wall and hit him anyway.

"And I don't want to translate what Shaymintwo is saying," Togetic added, her hands going to her cheeks. "It's all really nasty words and you'd be upset I know them!"

Several minutes later, Shaymintwo stood panting over a crater that had a Spheal in it.

"I'm the ultimate Pokémon," he said. "I knocked her out, that means I win… right? I'm not sure any more."

Spheal burped.

"...why is her mouth glowing?" Shaymintwo asked, now very worried.

"Too many donuts," Spheal groaned.

"So, that was…" Brock began, as Shaymintwo joined Spheal in the land of the unconscious.

"Aurora Beam," Misty insisted. "For the sake of my sanity, that was an Aurora Beam."

"Wow, that was a great battle!" Ash said. "That Spheal of yours has some really cool moves! And I don't know which Pokemon got knocked out first so I'll say what I'm sending out next and you can react, okay?"

"Actually, uh…" OC began. "I've lost."

"You have?" Pikachu said, head tilting. "How does that work?"

"Pikachu's got a point," Ash agreed. "I didn't see either of your other matches, but do you really only have one Pokémon?"

"That's right," OC agreed, walking out into the arena. "I didn't really mean to enter, it just sort of happened, but I heard that you get free food for reaching the top eight, and a lot of my food budget goes on donuts so free food sounds great. And I'd like to have donuts at some point."

He crouched down, and hoisted Spheal out of the crater. "Come on, let's get you to a coffee shop…"

AN:

This features my friend's original character, Donut Spheal.

Now say that sentence out loud if you haven't got the joke yet.