Chapter 9:

I hated hospitals. I had visited a few muggle ones just out of curiosity and their pure white and silence was eerily calm, but nothing compared to St. Mungo's. This place was as creepy as it could get. We walked through a busy hallway, James to my right and Delilah to my left, clutching my hand like her life depended on it. I was nervous but I wouldn't show it. My father's room was at the end of the hall, he had been given a private room, something very rare here at St. Mungo's but I supposed being a war hero had its perks. Near the door was a guard, just in case. It was a young auror, with flaming red hair that I recognized right away.

"Fabian?" I asked. He turned and gave me a soft smile.

That was enough for me. I let go off Delilah's hand and started to walk faster, walking past the twins and my uncle, who had gone to pick us up at school. When I reached him, I hugged him, not really wanting to kiss him in front of everyone else. He hugged me back, giving me a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Why didn't you tell me you were here?" I questioned.

"There wasn't any time for me to tell you and I knew I'd see you here." he explained, looking down at me with a smile.

I thought for a moment. If he was here, then he wasn't out there doing dangerous missions. My siblings and James and my uncle reached us. My uncle patted Fabian on the shoulder, who nodded before his superior, before walking into the room without waiting for us. Ariadne and Christian, who had grabbed Delilah by the hand, did the same, not even sparing us a second glance. I ignored them. They didn't like Fabian much, simply because he was older than me.

"Does that mean you won't go in dangerous missions?" I wondered out loud.

"For a while, yes." He nodded before directing his attention to James. "How you doing, mate?"

"I'm good. You coming in, Mere?" James asked me, shaking his head so his hair would stay away from his eyes.

"Yes." I nodded.

I gave Fabian a soft peck on the lips, the promise of meeting him later staying in that one kiss, before taking a deep breath in and entering the room. Delilah had already made herself comfortable in Dad's bed, sitting at the foot of it with her legs folded Indian-style. The twins were laughing at something their uncle had said. My father was much better than I imagined. He was a little pale but other than that he looked perfect. My mum was currently having a little nap at one of the chairs from the room, she looked really peaceful.

"Hi, daddy." I leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Glad to see you're better." I added, smiling at him.

"Glad to see you finally come in. I knew having Fabian be my guard would be a distraction." He joked, an indication that he was getting better and better. "how's school going? I heard you haven't exactly been playing nice." My father inquired and I found myself flushing as I sat close to him.

"Not my fault… I—he started it." I childishly pointed at James, whose face turned to a fake betrayed expression.

"Meredith!" James complained. "That's not fair; you're not supposed to tell on us."

"Well, I'm sorry but you are the ones who cut my hair off." I protested, crossing my arms across my chest and looking away, my hair swirling around as I twirled my head.

"Now, now, children, play nice." My father calmed us down, putting a hand on my arm.

"Sorry, dad." I mumbled, letting my hands fall to my side.

….

The next week was exam week at Hogwarts, which meant any drama we had was put on hold so we could focus. The term exams weren't as stressful as the final exams but they were hard nevertheless. Hogwarts wasn't only known for its parties; every exam and homework was a challenge for the student. Remus, the girls, Peter and I were currently at the Common Room, in front of the warm fire. This winter was getting colder by the minute. Lily and Remus were helping Peter, who had always had trouble with Potions. Mary and Alice were finishing up a project for Herbology whilst studying for History of Magic at the same time. Dorcas was stressed over Transfiguration and would scream at anyone who got closer than 2 feet from her. Sirius and James were off the radar since this morning, which was normal. They almost never studied, even if they were incredibly good at every last one of their subjects; instead, they spent their time creating fun chaos all around the castle. They had so much piled up detention because of that, that they wouldn't be able to finish it before their school career was over. I hadn't seen Marlene at all, hadn't even talked to her in at least three days. I couldn't care less.

Suddenly the portrait door snapped open and Marlene herself came in. Speak of the devil, I thought bitterly, going back to my notes on Divination. I didn't even know why I was studying for Divination; I hadn't failed a class exercise in my entire life. I could have a Troll on my exam and it wouldn't matter, I'd still have an Outstanding.

"What did you do?" she yelled. It took me a minute to realize she was yelling at me.

"Excuse me?" I asked in a perplexed tone, putting my book away.

"Yes, you must have done something. There's no other logical explanation." She kept yelling.

"Mar, calm down. What happened?" Lily asked, her voice soothing.

"He broke up with me! In front of everyone in the hall! And it's your entire fault!" She pointed at me with a shaky finger, bordering on hysterical, and I was glad she hadn't taken her wand out yet.

"All right, why would that be my fault?" I asked, closing my book. "If anything it's yours. Maybe he just got bored of you." I added as an afterthought.

"Don't you dare." She finally got her wand out.

Everyone in the room had quieted down, although there were some murmurs. I sighed, getting up and taking my bag with me. Lily reached out a hand to grab my sleeve but I shrugged it off. The trust these people had in me was unbelievable. I wasn't going to do anything.

"Listen, Marlene, you've messed up this last month. Now, I'm still willing to forgive you. Don't ruin a great friendship for an idiot." I told her, making my way over to her.

She glared at me the entire time, not lowering her wand. In her eyes, I could see she was actually hurt. Reaching out, I took her wand away from her and put it in my pocket. She followed the move with her eyes but didn't do anything. Marlene McKinnon was well known for overreacting; I couldn't afford having her snap and scratch my eyes out.

"It's not fair." She mumbled.

"The fact that you fancied him a lot and he played you like a rag doll? No, it isn't fair but it also doesn't give you the right to yell at me. I'm innocent here. So, don't bother me anymore." I stated.

I turned to Remus, who was closest to me, and gave him her wand. My pointed look clearly stated: 'don't give it back to her until she calms down'. He gave me a slight nod. I slowly made my way upstairs to the dorms, wondering if I should put a protective spell on my four-poster so that Marlene wouldn't be able to jinx me.

Thursday afternoon, I finished my Divination test earlier than anyone, which meant I could leave if I wished so. I got up and went to Professor Grace's desk. I passed by James, whose eyebrows were so scrunched up together I thought they'd become one, and by Marlene, who divided her attention away from her exam long enough to shot me a glare. I ignored her.

"You're done?" Tobias asked, impressed.

"It was easy." I commented, giving him a smile.

"Your friends don't seem to believe so." He teased, smiling at the classroom fondly.

"That's because they don't have the gift." I gasped theatrically. "Anyway, we're all leaving tomorrow, so I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas." I added, bringing a little box out of my bag.

Professor Grace was, after Minnie, my favorite professor. He was not only incredibly smart, but I could tell him anything. He knew everything that was going on with the group and my family. He wasn't just my professor; he was like a guidance counselor. He grabbed the small light blue box with the white ribbon on top of it, a surprised look on his face.

"Thank you, Meredith; have a Merry Christmas, too." He wished.

I waved goodbye and left the room. Lily was already outside the classroom, waiting for me. She had a free period right now, which worked perfectly for me.

"Hey, little flower." I joked as we started to walk down the hall.

"Hello, Mere. Ready to go packing?" She asked, readjusting her bag on her shoulder.

Lily's parents, under my own parents' insistence, had allowed Lily to spend the entirety of Christmas vacations over at my house. James had almost had a coronary out of excitement, while Lily and I had spent the entire time talking about how fun it'd be for us to spend Christmas' Eve and New Year's Eve together. Lily had always spent summer over at my house but never Christmas.

"Yes, sure," I answered. I hadn't packed anything, honestly. My four-poster and trunk were a complete mess. "Have you packed yet?" I asked her, finding it weird that she hadn't.

"Of course I have, silly, but I'll be helping you pack." She cleared and I laughed, relieved. I would definitely need help.

Surprisingly enough, and definitely thanks to Lily's help, I was all packed and ready to go by three o'clock. Everyone was down at the Black Lake, in our usual spot, at least that's what Dorcas had told us when she went to the dorms to leave her school bag, so we headed that way. The group was there, laughing and not having a care about the world. Lily and I looked at each other before sprinting down the small hill, laughing freely, until we reached the beech tree. Under it, Remus and Mary were reading quietly, although I did notice the small glances they sent each other when they thought no one was looking. Just like it had happened throughout the week, Marlene was nowhere insight. Sirius and James were laughing uncontrollably at Peter, who somehow had his clothes backwards.

"Look who decided to join us!" Dorcas exclaimed happily as she walked to us.

"Yep, we came." I nodded with a smile on my face. It faltered slightly, though, when I noticed Alice wasn't around either.

"Then, we can start." James jumped in, forgetting all about Peter the moment Lily entered the picture.

"Start what?" Mary demanded from her spot under the tree.

"Well, it's the end of first term…" Sirius said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I avoided his face at any costs, still a little uncomfortable with our last conversation.

"So?" Lily questioned, crossing her arms over her chest.

"We have to jump into the lake!" Peter exclaimed happily, already taking his robe off and staying with only his pants and shirt. "We're all here!" he finished, pointing at each and one of us. Then he paused, as if realizing not all of us were really here. "Well, at least the ones who started the tradition." He amended, biting his bottom lip.

I looked down at my shoes, finding them incredibly interesting. I wished Marlene and Alice would be here, Marlene more so than Alice. But I understood her situation perfectly, the last thing she wanted was to see Sirius and I respected that. She had chose Alice as her shoulder to cry on and I also respected that, even if it hurt that she had dismissed the rest of us girls.

"Well, I am not jumping in the lake." Lily refused.

"Now, now, Lily flower, don't be like that. It's tradition, we can't break tradition." Sirius explained to Lily in a serious voice, dropping an arm around her shoulders.

They looked at each other for a few minutes, Lily's green eyes narrowing slightly, but as always, she caved.

"Fine, but I'm not jumping first. I already did that last year." She mumbled.

We then proceeded to point at anyone who crossed our line of sight as the first jumper. I refused to be so, even if everyone's eyes had fallen toward me. I had been last the year before, so technically I should be first now but I really didn't want to. At the end, Peter volunteered. We all watched as he discarded his school sweater and his Gryffindor tie next to his robe and shoes, before he neared a rock that we used as some sort trampoline. The area of the lake where we jumped was a small, parted area where almost nobody went to. It was still deep and large enough for all of us to have fun in, but the only way to access it was by jumping off of the small cliff made of the rocks that surrounded one side of the lake. The other sides were all forest.

"Come on, mate!" James urged from where we were all looking.

Peter nodded nervously but didn't move. Meanwhile, James had already discarded every piece of clothing that wasn't necessary to jump, even if he was the last jumper. That left him in only his pants and his buttoned down shirt, two of his buttons were opened. I noticed how Lily's focus went over to him while he got undressed, thinking nobody would see her. Finally and after many encouragements from us, Peter jumped, letting out a startled scream as the icy water hit his body. The weather wasn't cold enough for the lake to freeze, but I was certain the water was freezing cold. Remus went next, without a second of hesitation, knowing quiet well that it was better not to think about it.

"Let's get this over with, please." Mary whined as she took off her socking and left them at the pile of her own clothes.

"Right, want to jump together?" Dorcas asked her, covering her torso with her arms so she could protect herself against the cold wind.

Mary nodded and with that both girls started to run the small cliff and jumped, screaming and laughing at the same time. By then, the rest of us were laughing so hard, I was surprised we hadn't fainted for lack of breath. Lily was already only in her skirt and buttoned down shirt, excitedly waiting for her turn, apparently excited over this silly tradition. I wasn't so excited, though. I had taken off my shoes, stockings, tie and sweater but my robe was still tightly wrapped around me. I always got cold feet before jumping, even if I laughed loudly every time someone had to jump. Lily jumped delightedly while James clapped for her.

"Very nice done, Lily! I give you a ten!" he laughed. I was impressed when Lily shouted back a thank you.

"It's your turn, Mere." James sang as he made his way happily over to me. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was actually jumping and dancing around.

"Why are you so happy?" I questioned as I hesitantly took off my robe and let it fall to my feet.

"He's ecstatic because Lily is talking to him." Sirius explained.

He froze then, realizing it was the first time he talked to me directly after Tuesday's events. I nodded, not bothering to glare at him or anything. I had meant what I said and I wouldn't turn back on my words and look for a reason to fight him.

"Okay, here I go." I let in a deep breath before releasing it.

Despite of what I said, I didn't move. We were close to the cliff but I wasn't moving at all. James let out a laugh, knowing it would take me a few minutes to actually move, while Sirius even chuckled. Glaring at them half-heartedly, I started to slowly walk to the cliff. At one point I was close enough that I was able to see what the others were doing. They were swimming happily or splashing water at each other, apparently the cold forgotten. Their laughter bounced around the entire place. I smiled at them with something pretty close to nostalgia pressing down my chest.

"You are taking too long." I heard behind me before being lifted up and pushed over someone's shoulder.

"What? No, no, no!" I squealed, whirling and trying to get out of his hold.

James' was looking at us with his mouth hanging open and a weird look in his hazel eyes. I could only imagine how bizarre the sight must look to him: Sirius carrying me over his shoulder and forcing me to go to the end of the cliff. I imagined it must have opened a very well locked door to the past.

"There you go," Sirius said before taking my waist and throwing me over the cliff.

I let out an ear-deafening scream as I fell, covering my eyes with my hands and bracing myself for the impact of the icy water. The water, as usual, felt like thousands of knives against my delicate skin and it had me wondering why we had come up with this stupid tradition in the first place. My scream still echoed around the small area. I came out of the water with a gasp for air and to the laughter of my friends at the look on my face. Soon enough, there was another splash right next to me as Sirius jumped into the water.

"Bloody hell!" he exclaimed. "Is it me or does the water get even colder each passing year?"

"I think that's us getting older, actually." Dorcas commented as she swam over to us.

"Yeah, now that we're talking about water and stuff…" I commented before turning to Sirius with a killing glare. "Why the hell did you do that?" I screeched.

"You are in trouble, mister." Mary laughed.

"Run, padfoot!" Peter advised. "Run for your life."

"Well, at least, swim for your life." Lily corrected with a smile on her face.

Sirius at least had the decency to look genuinely scared. He started to swim away, to a secluded area of the lake where none of the others were. I followed him, wanting him to pay for shoving me into the water. I figured a few minutes being held under the water were a good enough punishment. After a few minutes of chasing and swimming around, I actually managed to find his shoulders and push downwards. Unfortunately, Quidditch and multiple hours of exercising made him stronger than me and I was only able to keep him under water for about five seconds, and I'm pretty sure that was because he allowed it.

"Meredith! What's that for?" he exclaimed, faking shock.

"What do you think?" I shot back, not actually angry at him, and splashing him some water.

He gasped, very unmanly of him, before splashing me back. We had a water fight for a few minutes before I got frustrated, besides I was losing. I was spluttering water but still trying to beat him.

"Oh, my God! I give up!" I laughed, trying to protect myself by using my hands as a shield. "Sirius, Stop!"

The reaction was almost immediate. He stopped throwing water at me and I kept laughing until I realized the shocked, almost scared look on his face. I slowly stopped laughing, lowering my hands so they were under water. Being under the water, we couldn't feel the cold as badly as when the wind hit any exposed, wet part.

"What?" I asked, laughter still etched to my voice.

"You… you called me Sirius." He pointed out, hesitant.

I was thrown back by the vulnerability that his eyes suddenly reflected. It only lasted a minute but I still saw it. I blinked; my smile dropping before it grew again.

"That's your name, isn't it?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," he said slowly.

We looked at each other for a moment before he burst out laughing, making me laugh as well. I didn't know why I was laughing or why he was laughing, for that matter, but I knew that at least some of the tension between us had disappeared and I was very happy. Our laughter died down after a while, leaving us with that kind of atmosphere that makes you want to frame the moment and never let it go. What in hell? I asked myself after that thought crossed my mind.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. I looked at him with a confused expression in my face. "I should've never cut your hair off."

My hand automatically went to my head, touching the ends of my hair. It had grown a bit but it was still short, barely touching my shoulders.

"It's okay, I kind of like it." I lied.

"You hate it." he pointed out.

"Yeah, yeah, I do." I laughed, suddenly noticing how close we were. "What truly bothers me is the fact that your hair is longer than mine. Seriously, Sirius, cut it now." I shook my head, exasperated.

"No way, have you any idea of how much this bugs my mother?" he questioned.

"You don't live with her anymore, remember?" I pointed out, cringing the minute the words left my mouth.

This was ironic, I had told Reina not to mention his family and here I was doing exactly that. Sirius' face darkened slightly but other than that he didn't seem too bothered.

"Still, I'm not cutting it." he insisted, making me roll my eyes.

We stayed in comfortable silence for a few minutes, watching as our friends splashed around and laughed. James was trying to talk to Lily by joining the conversation she and Remus were having. I smiled fondly at his attempts.

"Meredith?" I turned to look at Sirius again, a curious look on my face to tell him to continue. "I'm also sorry about what I said…" he trailed off, one of his hands finding his way to his neck. The boy looked about ready to throw up, I couldn't remember the last time I had seen Sirius this nervous.

"No, I'm sorry." I interrupted. "I was pressing you and—"

"No, but you were right." he confessed, his hand falling from his neck.

My head snapped back to him, my eyes widened and I was pretty sure that my mouth would have been open if that didn't mean water would enter my mouth. I practically jumped out of my skin when his hands found my shoulders, obviously a mechanism to make sure I didn't run for the hills before he got the opportunity to say what he wanted.

"You were right about everything, Meredith, and I denied it and hurt you even more." He mumbled, looking down.

"I forgive you," I whispered, suddenly very aware of my heart pounding against my ribcage. Snap out of it, Meredith. I scolded myself. My heart wasn't listening to my mind, though, because it kept beating incredibly fast, and neither was my mouth because words kept tumbling out of it. "For the ink rain, and my hair, and for dating one of my closest friends and dumping her, and for what you told me on Tuesday. Oh, and for throwing me off the cliff." I added, with a small laugh.

He chuckled, passing a hand through his damp hair. I kept paddling with my legs, trying to keep afloat. We were in a deeper part of the lake and I couldn't reach the bottom of it. Suddenly, I felt something against my leg and I let out a screech, jumping into the closest thing to me so my legs weren't around the mysterious thing. The closest thing happened to be Sirius, of course.

"Woah! What are you doing?" he asked, almost sounding alarmed.

"Something touched my leg!" I exclaimed, looking down at the water.

"It was probably a fish, Meredith, calm down." He laughed at me.

"A fish? A fish? We're in the black lake, Sirius, there are plenty of things here and I assure you most of them are not fish." I snapped, still completely attached to his neck.

He chuckled, the sound vibrating in his chest, before looking at the side of my face. I wasn't paying attention, though; my eyes were still glued to the dark waters, wondering if whatever it was that touched me was still there. His fingers pushing back the hair that had stuck to my face snapped me out of my senses. I looked up, my nose accidentally hitting his. And I couldn't look away. My breath hitched in my throat, my heartbeat accelerated again but I simply couldn't move. His hand was still on my cheek, while the other was on my waist, keeping me secure. His gray eyes slipped past my eyes to my nose until they reached my lips.

I mirrored his movements, wanting to combust into a million little pieces, but at the same time I didn't want to move. He was going to kiss me, I knew it, I knew that look, it was the same look that had haunted my nightmares for months, and I was going to let him. All thoughts of our friends being next to us or Fabian or Marlene completely out of my mind, the only thing I was sure of was that he was getting even closer to me. This was wrong, I shouldn't be letting him do this but I didn't make any move to stop him. Instead, my eyes fluttered close on their own accord and I braced myself for what I knew was coming. His hand was now in the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him, when suddenly a splash of water fell on us.

I spluttered the water I had swallowed by accident before looking to my right, where James had dived into the water and provoked a huge wave that washed all over us. My face went from James, to our laughing friends (who hadn't noticed what almost happened between Sirius and I.) to Sirius, who looked almost as terrified as me.

"I'm gonna go, still have some things to pack." I mumbled, already swimming toward the shore and not waiting for his answer.

The entire walk over to the castle my mind kept replaying what happened at the lake, and every time it went to the almost-kiss part, my stomach would hurl in a weird way. Oh, no, this wasn't happening. It wasn't. I felt like that because Sirius and I had familiarity in some way, not because there were any stray feelings. I was with Fabian, I cared about him a lot, and he was sweet and a great person. Only when I was about to go to sleep did I realize that I had said I cared about Fabian, not that I loved him.

….

The next morning, all the students were meant to go back to their homes, with the exception of those who were staying at Hogwarts, of course. James, Remus, Sirius, Mary, Peter, Lily, Dorcas and I shared a compartment in the train, while Alice stayed with Marlene at another compartment. I was sad to admit my friendship with Marlene hadn't improved nor had it worsened. We didn't send mean comments at each other but we didn't acknowledge each other either. This made me even angrier; the problem was I didn't know who I was angrier at. Was I angrier at Marlene for going after my ex, my first everything, without asking me first? Was I angrier at Sirius for actually going after Marlene, my best friend, and dumping her without a valid reason, only to then confuse me to a no end? Or, was I angrier at myself for not being able to fully forgive either of them, Sirius, for everything that he had ever done and Marlene for treating me poorly over a boy? Lily knew this hurt me badly, and she claimed that Marlene was as equally hurt, but she hadn't taken any official sides. Although, considering she was sitting with me, I'd say she was siding with me. The drive back was filled with pranks and laughter, although every time my eyes and Sirius' crossed path and had to fight the urge to cry. Midway to London, it got the best of me and I had to excuse myself, mumbling something about having to go to the bathroom.

I, obviously, didn't go to the loo, I simply went to the last wagon where I knew nobody went. There, and once I made sure it was indeed empty, I leaned into the wall and slowly slid down until I touched the floor. I hated everyone and everything. I hated the fact that my dad was still on house repose, I hated Marlene for hating me, I hated Sirius for making everything even more complicated that it already was and I hated my friends for trying to pretend like they didn't see what was going on, I hated them for knowing the three of us were tearing each other apart and doing nothing about it. Because that was exactly what we were doing without even realizing it.

I was running down the corridor that led to the dungeons, where potions class was held. I knew, after threatening James to tell me, that Sirius had class there right about now. The class period was going to end in five minutes and if I didn't hurry I wouldn't be able to catch him when he left. I accidentally slammed myself at the stone wall next to the classroom's door, panging with exhaustion. I had never run so fast in my life. When I was able to catch my breath, I stood up straight, fixing my skirt. After a few minutes, the door opened and the corridor started to fill with students, many of them noticed me and sent me weird glances, knowing full well that the only one of my acquaintances in that class was Sirius, and everyone knew we weren't exactly friends.

"Black!" I yelled when I noticed him walking away.

He halted on his step and turned to face me, a sly smirk on his face as he recognized who had called him. I rolled my eyes and walked up to him, my books hugged tightly to my chest.

"Meredith, how may I be of service for you?" he mocked.

"Don't mock me, I'm here on a serious matter," I said before pausing and adding: "Please, ignore the pun."

He snickered but did as I told him, not muttering a peep about the 'serious, Sirius' joke. We walked in silence for a few minutes, with me not really knowing where to start and with him most likely thinking I was some sort of unknown subject that had replace Meredith Potter, because 1) I never approached him willingly, at least not lately, and 2) I always had something to say.

"Why…" I started before my voice trailed off. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Why did you break up with Marlene? I thought things were going great."

He groaned before passing a hand through his incredibly long hair, it was almost longer than mine. I even considered sneaking into the boys' dorm and cutting his hair off as a favor more than a come back. But we all knew how that first prank war had ended and I wasn't about to endeavor myself in another one.

"Is this why you're here? Did she send you to ask me?" he asked me, momentarily pausing in the corridor.

I paused too, turning to face him and tilting my face upwards to meet his gray eyes. We received complains from the other students trying to get to their next class, some Slytherins even bumping into us on purpose just to bother us.

"No," I snapped. "I came to ask because for some weird reason she seems to believe it's my fault, like everything else going in this castle."

I was tired of Marlene blaming me for everything, so I wanted to get the real reason out of him, so maybe I could get my friendship with Marlene back. I watched as Sirius froze for a moment before cursing colorfully under his breath.

"That's not what it is, Marlene is just being stupid." He commented quickly before walking away.

I walked after him, catching up to him quickly enough. He clearly wanted me to catch up because I knew there was no way in hell I could outrun Sirius Black.

"You and I both know Marlene is many things but not stupid." I reprimanded, frowning at him. He simply didn't answer. "Listen, I don't want to be a Mary Sue but—"

"A what?" he interrupted with an expression that suggested he had just swallowed a lemon.

"It's a muggle term," I explained. "It means I'm too perfect and everything revolves around me… which I'm not!" I added quickly when he opened his mouth to speak.

"I know." He mumbled, frown still etched to his face.

"Anyhow, Marlene is not the first person to suggest it's my fault that you broke up with someone. I just want to know the real reason so I can have my friendship with her back." I continued, slightly surprised at how disturbed about me being the center of attention he seemed to be.

"It doesn't matter, she won't listen to you. And I'm not telling you." He protested stubbornly, looking down at me. Once again we had stopped in the middle of the hallway.

"Please, just tell me!" I exclaimed.

"No, and this conversation is over."

With that he left me there, walking quickly toward the staircase leading to upper ground. I didn't know what was into me, maybe James had slipped some fire whisky into my pumpkin juice, but I started to walk again toward him.

"Yeah? Well, you want to know what I think?" I called after him. He didn't turn around but he did slow down. "I think you dated her because she reminds you of me! And once you realize she's pretty different, you dumped her. In fact, I'm 100 % sure you actually miss me."

By then I was already behind him, him having stopped in the middle of my little speech. Once I finished, he turned to face me, so fast I actually took a step back. Apparently I had angered him. Great, I had an angered Sirius Black in my hands and no witnesses around. Everyone had scattered away.

"That's what you believe? Well, Meredith, I'm sorry to disappoint but it's got nothing to do with that." he spat at me. "But maybe you're the one who misses me so much, you have to make up these weird statements." He added.

"Please, I don't even think of you." I rolled my eyes, dismissing the comment with a wave of my hand and dreading where this was going. This was dangerous territory and we both knew that.

"Is that right? Then tell me something," he started, waiting until I looked at him to continue his sentence. "How come the moment you noticed me with her you stopped laughing at anything Fabian told you? How come you haven't even been able to say 'I love you' to anyone?"

I gasped, my eyes narrowing dangerously. So he had been spying on my date as much as I had been spying on his. But that wasn't what really bothered me, what did was his second question. The only people who knew that were Lily, whom I had told on Marlene's birthday, and Marlene herself, who had known since the very begging of my not-so-holy dating career. I couldn't believe she had told him.

"That's got nothing to do with anything." I protested. "I'm a closed off person."

"Please," he scoffed, rolling his eyes at me and pulling his hair away from his eyes. "If anything you're too open."

Silence fell upon us once more as the weight of his words actually got to me. My frown disappeared as fast as it had appeared and I actually took a defeated step back. That was low blow and it had hurt more than I had ever thought it would. His faced eased back into an expression of something pretty close to disbelief as the meaning of his words were registered in his mind. He had no right telling me that, no reason why.

"You know," I said once I made sure I wouldn't cry. "I thought that if I fixed things with Marlene, we would all be happy again and stress-free. I thought that if I managed to do that, then maybe I could try to fix things with you, finally give James what he's always wanted: us as friends again. Clearly none of the things I just mentioned are going to happen." I finished, clearing my throat and turning back on my own footsteps.

Before he could leave or I was too far away for him to hear me, I stopped and turned around, one last sentence in my lips.

"I just wanted us to enter this war with clean slates; I guess it was too much to ask." With that last sentence I did leave him there, with a haunted expression in his face that didn't let me know if my words had gotten to him or if he was still horrified about calling me a whore to my face.

That had been Tuesday morning, after Marlene screamed at me for ruining her relationship with Sirius and it had left me thinking that things between Sirius and I would never be fixed. Sure, he'd fight anyone who dare speak ill of me but he would never be my friend again. But then, the accident at the lake had happened and it had left me very confused. I knew that feeling, that excitement when you wondered if someone was about to kiss you or not, and I also knew that look. But James had interrupted us by falling into the lake once more and we came to our senses, thank God. I was scared of knowing what would have happened if we hadn't been interrupted, but I was even more scared of the disappointment I had felt on my chest when the opportunity of kissing Sirius vanished. Because it was wrong, it was very wrong. I was with Fabian and I knew any relationship with Sirius wouldn't end up well for me. But both Sirius and Lily were right: I hadn't said 'I love you' to any of my boyfriends since Sirius and I was lying to myself by saying I loved Fabian. Because I didn't. I cared about him immensely, I would be devastated if something were to happen to him but I knew I wasn't in love with him. I didn't know what was going on here, but I knew that someone was going to end up seriously hurt. Marlene was already out of the game and I couldn't help but wonder if I would be next. Considering where I was right now, I'd dare say I'd probably end up with another broken heart to nurse. Not to mention the pending war hanging over our heads that all of us were happy to ignore.

A/N: okay, here's the new chapter. Finally a semi confession of... I don't know... love? anyway, I've been planning this chapter since forever. now that that's kind of out of the way, I'll focus more on the other character's relationships. I feel like I've neglected Remus and James lately. Also, if you feel like this is too centered on Meredith and Sirius, well, it is a Sirius/ OC so that's kind of the reason why it revolves around those two. chapter 10 is not written yet and it'll probably take a while but I'll give you a clue: it's the Christmas party! lots of fluff regarding James and Lily. that's all I'm gonna reveal. love you all,

me.