Chapter 11:

I laid in bed, the covers around me like a safe cocoon and my eyes fixed to the ceiling. Lily had left around ten minutes ago, after unsuccessfully trying to get me out of bed. I didn't care, though. I wanted to be alone.

"Meredith... open the door." James called from the other side of the door.

I remained silent. I heard muffled whispers from outside, they were probably discussing how to get me out, before the door opened and James, Lily and Sirius entered the room. I glanced at them before looking up again. My mind was a mess. My heart was racing and I was pretty sure I'd have a panic attack soon. James and Lily sat down on either side of my bed, while Sirius moved to the window sill and watched me from there. We had reconciled only two days ago so I supposed our friendship wasn't steady enough for him to sit on my bed.

"Uncle and dad will be all right." James soothed me.

I shook my head. I knew that, that wasn't the reason why I was freaking out.

"Do you know why he was called at 3 in the morning?" Black asked me.

I sighed, resigned, and pushed the covers away, sitting up as I did so. "Some muggles found three dead bodies in a house near Bristol. Death cause is ignored and weird. It looked like they had simply dropped dead. The authorities informed the prime minister about the estrange case and about the bizarre green cloud above the house, who in turn informed us." I explained.

"They're killing muggles now?" James asked, concerned.

"I suppose, but these weren't muggles." Lily contradicted, already knowing why I was so distressed.

"No, they weren't." I confirmed as I got up and paced around the room. "One of the bodies… it's Emilia Greene." I mumbled, biting my lower lip.

"Who?" Sirius asked from the window, slightly confused.

I whirled around furiously and stormed up to him, pointing a threatening finger at him. He widened his eyes but didn't step back; I supposed after living with his family he wouldn't be afraid of a girl like me.

"Ugh, he must be joking." I heard Lily mutter from behind me.

"She's in our year, sits with me in Divination? Ravenclaw? Pretty brunette?" I asked both Sirius and James. The boys shook their heads to all of my questions, which infuriated me a little and also made me feel sad. This wasn't happening. Did they really not remember her? Sirius had to. "You dated her at the begging of fifth year." I ended, defeated.

I watched as his frowned eased back to a look of recognition, apparently that had been the magic sentence. His face turned grim as he glanced at James from behind my shoulder. The room went quiet and I knew they would not take what I had to say well. I stepped away, leaving a few feet between Sirius and me, before moving to my desk and sitting down on the chair.

"There's something else." I started, ready to confess why I was freaking out.

Because while I did mourn Emilia's death, she was a nice girl, the accuracy of my prediction terrified me. Not only that but the report said they had been a few days dead, which meant they died around Christmas, the same day I ask about them last. I had been up finishing my novel when Dad got the report and almost fainted when I accidentally overheard it.

"You guys remember that time I was late for lunch?" I asked.

"You might have to be more specific," James said, giving me a crook smile. I stifled a laugh. Yes, I'd been considerably late in the past.

"All right… I mean the day Mr. tall-dark-and-sexy over here screamed out the wrong name and got dumped by a fifth year," I amended.

James snorted while Lily bit her lip to prevent from snorting herself. Everyone remembered that day; it was practically marked in history. Sirius, however, looked uncomfortable and slightly angered. Not wanting to have a repeat of our last fight, I went back to topic.

"Anyway, that day Tobias—I mean, Professor Grace asked us to read our partners past, present and future." I continued.

"I remember she ran out of the room, crying." James perked up, finally picturing the young Ravenclaw.

"Yes, I saw a letter from her father saying that they were going into hiding once she left for the holidays. She freaked and ran. Then Professor Grace asked me to stay so we could discuss things. I hadn't just seen that letter, you see?" I continued. By now the three of them were leaning in with interest. "I saw her parents' funeral and also hers. I forgot about it after a while but then, at the Christmas party, it popped up into my mind again, just like that. And I couldn't stop dreaming about it, either." I stopped talking, looking down at my hands.

"That's noth—"

"You don't really think—"

"It might've been a coinciden—"

None of them were able to finish their sentences and I knew it was because it was impossible to believe. Seers were, and still are, incredibly rare and I had practically just confessed I was one. Not that I believed I was but, still, my words didn't say that. My words clearly stated I had predicted an entire family's death. That vision, or whatever it was, had haunted my every dream since the Christmas party; it was the main reason why I had been up yesterday night at 3 A.M. in the morning.

"Listen, we're all under stress. We're in the middle of a war; it's natural for us to think someone might die. You said that because you knew it'd give you an Outstanding." Lily rationalized, finally getting her voice back.

"Yeah, that's it, Mer." James jumped in. "it's the first time you've ever done something like this, it means nothing."

Sirius and I locked eyes. That wasn't necessarily true. I've always been able to guess little things here and there, like the 'present thing' I did with Marlene every year. Sirius knew I had predicted something once before but we had both swore to take that secret to our graves, no matter how much it had terrified us.

"Of course, you're right." I nodded.

"Want some breakfast?" Lily asked me.

"Please, I'm starving." I gave her a sweet smile.

She smiled back and got up, James quickly saying he'd help her before making it for the door.

"Promise not to tell anyone? Not even Remus or Peter? This stays here." I asked, even though my tone didn't leave space for arguing.

They swore up, down and sideways that this would not leave the room, before leaving to make me breakfast. Hopefully, Lily would cook French toasts. I got up and walked to the window sill, sitting on it next to Sirius.

"Now that they're gone…" I took in a deep breath. "What do you think?" I asked, letting the breath out.

He remained quiet for a moment, his brows slightly furrowed and his eyes staring into nothing. He didn't even notice the hair in his face, a clear sign that he was thinking hard about this. He suddenly flicked his head to the side so his hair would move away as he let out a sigh.

"Well, this is the first serious thing you've ever… predicted," he said the last word carefully, almost like he was testing it for the first time. "I don't know much about Divination… Dark Arts, yes, but—maybe you should talk to Professor Grace." He finished lamely.

I pouted. "I was kind of expecting a little bit more from you." I confessed. "Thank you, anyway, for your opinion." I added sincerely.

"Anytime you want." He chuckled, putting an arm around my shoulders and bringing me a little bit closer to him.

…

"You okay?" Fabian asked me worriedly.

I turned my gaze away from the kids playing in the snow-covered park and looked at him curiously. Of course I was fine. Fabian had surprised me this morning by showing up at my house and telling me to get dressed because we were going out. He knew I knew the Greene's, or at least their daughter, and was concerned about my emotional well-being. Lily had been ecstatic, practically running upstairs to pick an outfit for me while I finished my breakfast and ignored the guilty feeling I had for having Sirius and Fabian on the same room. We had spent a lovely day out in muggle London, playing for a while like little kids once we stumbled across a playground. Now, we had decided to flop down on a bench that didn't really have much snow and cuddle so we'd be warm.

"Of course I am," I replied. "Why would you ask that?"

"Well… I'm not exactly sure." He answered slowly, his nose scrunching up in confusion and making his freckles look like a bunch of little points draw incredibly together in a small paper. "You've been acting weird lately." He decided, his eyes searching mine.

I looked away from the inquisitive beautiful eyes to the kids in the park. They were now starting a snowball fight, laughing gleefully each time they got hit with a ball. I smiled a little at them. They were so lucky. They didn't know what was going on, their childhood wouldn't be taken away from them anytime soon. The perks of being a muggle: peaceful oblivion from the horrors our world sometimes had. I shook my head, pushing those thoughts away from my head. I was slowly but surely becoming a pessimist. The war was taunting me and I hadn't really involved myself fully with it yet. I had to remind myself of the good things, remember we were the winning team. Somehow, no matter how many times I told myself that, I still couldn't believe it.

"I haven't been acting weird." I frowned, forcing myself to focus on the main topic.

"You are now." He pointed out, his arms around my waist tightening as if he were afraid I'd disappear or leave if he said the wrong word. "And last time I saw you."

I tried to remember if I had behaved weirdly last time I was with him. Nothing really popped up. We had danced multiple times, had had dinner, laughed, kissed and then he had left the party to spend the rest of the evening with his family. I admitted sometimes I had to force my smile but that had been because the entire evening had been completely uncomfortable for me. Then it hit me: he arrived to the party and kissed me, and I had stepped away with a frown on my face. I had never done that before, ever. I guessed that could count as acting weird.

But nothing like that had happened today. I had practically jumped into his arms the moment he passed the door, relieved to see him in one piece. He had sat with me through breakfast and we had made small talk. I didn't mention my 'prediction' to him; he didn't talk about work. We then had gone to muggle London, with me claiming that I had never been able to fully appreciate it all. We spent a lot of time window-shopping more than going to the important places but it had been fun nevertheless.

"I'm… sorry?" I apologized, not knowing why the hell I was doing such a thing.

"I'm not mad," he shook his head. "I'm worried, Mere."

"You don't have to be." I whispered, suddenly feeling vulnerable.

"But I am!" he exclaimed. "You're my girlfriend and I—" he stopped momentarily, making me turn to look at him fully.

"You what?" I pressed.

"You've changed a lot. You're more serious, more guarded. I supposed it's you growing up or whatever but…" he trailed off, closing his eyes and sighing. He looked physically troubled. He obviously was going through some sort of inner battle I didn't know about.

"Are you—are you breaking up with me?" I asked when he didn't make a move.

His eyes flew open, a horrified look crossing his features.

"No! Of course not. I'd never do that. I just feel like you're closing off to the world, putting a ten feet tall wall around you and not letting me in." he elaborated.

I blinked. Well, that was unexpected. Usually, I never had this kind of talk with my 'boyfriends'. We simply dated for a while and when one or the other started to drift apart, we broke up. None of them had confronted me about that. I didn't know how to respond.

"Fabian…" I trailed off, not knowing how to continue. "I—I tell you pretty much everything. I'm not pushing you out."

"You're not?" he asked, unconvinced.

"I'm not. I promise." I assured, putting my arms around his neck and hugging him.

Liar, a little voice in my mind said. I rolled my eyes, telling it to shut up. I separated from the embrace only to lean in and brush my lips softly against his. His hand moved from my waist to my cheek, forcing me to stay there and taking control of the kiss. I smiled into the kiss when I felt the tip of his tongue tease my lips.

"EEEWWW."

A chorus of about six high-pitched voices brought us back from our little world to find the kids had stopped playing and were gapping at us. The boys looked disgusted while the girls had a dreamy look on their faces even if they had ewed as well. We laughed before I rested my head on Fabian's chest, feeling his chuckle vibrate there along with his heartbeat. He put his arms around me, one of them on my waist and the other around my shoulders. We stayed like that in silent contentment for a while until I noticed Fabian's heartbeat suddenly rise under my ear. I looked up to find him looking at me, awe realization in his face.

"You okay?" I asked, turning his words at him.

"I've never been better." He smiled brightly at me before kissing my temple.

I giggled at his ways before snuggling back into him. "Come on, I'm freezing." I nudged at his hand as I got off his lap and started to walk away from the park.

"Yeah, we should probably go. I'm pretty sure we scarred those kids for life." He joked.

I laughed as we started to walk down the street and back the way we came. We took our time getting back home, entering shops we hadn't seen before, drinking a cup of coffee, things like that. By the time we started to get close to the spot Fabian would apparate us back home from, we had turned quiet again.

"Meredith?" he suddenly asked, stopping and pulling me backwards by my hand while doing so. "I have to tell you something else." He started.

"Yes?" I asked.

I suddenly got pretty nervous, although I didn't know why. Maybe it was his expression, which was pretty much screaming out the words before they were out of his mouth, or my sixth sense but the moment my eyes fell on him I knew we were screwed. Both of us, him for feeling that way and me for not reciprocating.

"I love you," he said.

I tried my hardest not to tense and was proud to realize I actually relaxed a little. Maybe readying myself for the hit before it came had been a good idea. I was stunned into silence, though. What was I supposed to say now, that I loved him back? That'd be lying, that'd be playing with him. But it'd make him incredibly happy and I wanted him to be happy. Wasn't that love? Wanting someone to be happy no matter what? So, maybe I did love him in a way or another. The problem was I wasn't in love with him and, in my mind, those two were pretty different. I love you too, I formed the words in my mind and tried to push them past my lips before he got suspicious. But they didn't come. Listen, I love you, okay? And because of that I have to tell you this: Sirius is the love of your life, Meredith. Lily's words from months ago came rushing into my mind for some reason and I found myself closing my mouth shut. Was that true? No, it wasn't. she was just being… I don't know… something.

How come you haven't even been able to say 'I love you' to anyone? Sirius' own words rang in my head then, screaming at me to at least decide something about this mess. Why hadn't I said 'I love you' after Sirius? It couldn't be because I was still hung up on him, because I truly wasn't. I inwardly shook my head. That had been Sirius trying to confuse me in the middle of an argument, I couldn't base my feelings on that. With that, I made up my mind and smiled, taking a step closer to Fabian and giving him a soft kiss.

"I love you too."

The lie was past my lips and into the wind before I could actually process my lips forming them. And just like that, I had decided. I'd have a steady future with Fabian Prewett, maybe even become Meredith Prewett someday and have redheaded children. He'd adore me and I'd love him back, even if it meant forcing the feeling into me. Sirius Black would be my friend, my first love, and he'd always have a reserved spot on my heart, but nothing else, nothing more. I couldn't afford to get hurt again. Sirius meant danger, maybe not in the literal sense but danger none-the-less. Fabian wasn't. Sirius was happy jumping from one girl to the other. I wanted a serious relationship, Fabian was offering me that. He was the safest route and God knew that was what we all needed now.