self-harm trigger warning - suicide attempt trigger warning

Contrary to popular belief, the concepts of "feelings" and "emotions" are not, in fact, synonymous. There exists a distinct difference between the two that most people will go their entire lives being unaware of. Though they are indeed similar, they are not the same. Feelings are plays on the senses, a conscious awareness for one's surroundings and situations. They are only on the surface, quick to come and just as quick to go. Pity, irritation, and contentment – all knee-jerk reactions that hardly leave a lasting impression. Feelings are the preludes to emotions, like the smell of a meal being cooked, or the spark that lights the bonfire. Feelings do not create memories, but they can make moments. Emotions, however, are the deep seated sensations that clench the heart and numb the brain, that change the color of the world. Joy, rage, sorrow and countless unnamed others within the human soul that seize a moment and don't let go. Emotions are what create and destroy.

Natsu, Lucy, and Happy quickly learned the difference between the two… the hard way.

Mostly, Natsu slept, so he didn't leave the house, which Lucy was thankful for. She didn't want their guild mates to see him like this. But when he wasn't resting, Lucy and Happy would have thought they were living with a stranger. He didn't cook, didn't laugh, didn't leave messes, and didn't touch either of them. It was like he was a doll, one that could talk and see... but empty on the inside. At some point, Natsu must have realized that his cold exterior was deterring Lucy and Happy from interacting with him, so he would start faking his smiles and telling them things he thought they wanted to hear - all so he could get them to do what he wanted. But it usually didn't work, because one of Natsu's quirks had always been that he spoke his mind, and defined himself as a brutally honest man. Lucy sometimes got the impression that he could feel things – things like amusement and annoyance. But they were selfish feelings, only fleeting happenstances he felt when something did or didn't go his way. He toyed with Lucy's and Happy's emotions, playing on their senses of sympathy and love. Whether he meant to or not was a different matter. This hollow, manipulative person that slept beside Lucy every night… it was almost too much to take.

He had never growled or snapped at her or Happy, nor had he said or done anything to make them think that he would hurt them. But Lucy and the little exceed had never felt more unsafe in their own home.

On the sixth day after they had all returned from Juniper Hills, Lucy walked into the guild on a sunny afternoon, closed the door, and then kicked it with all her might. An angry scream tore from her mouth, ringing of frustration and desperation. The immediate response was the pain in her toes. Lucy suppressed a whimper as she turned around and hobbled over to the bar, refusing to acknowledge the attention she had just warranted herself from the other guild members. They were gracious enough not to say anything. As she seated herself at the wooden countertop, the Celestial mage grabbed handfuls of her hair and sighed heavily.

"Everything alright, Lucy?"

Lucy looked up, spying Freed behind the wooden countertop, his hands busying themselves with polishing a glass. Dropping her arms heavily on the bar, Lucy sat back.

"Not really," Lucy replied. "But thank you for asking."

Freed paused in his actions, waiting for Lucy to continue. When she didn't, he set down the glass and crossed his arms. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Lucy blinked up at the man. His attentiveness caught her off-guard. "I would hate to keep you from doing your job."

Freed quirked his lips, considering her words as he took his place across from Lucy and reached under the counter. Procuring a fresh glass, Freed set it before her and began prepping a drink.

"You and I have never gotten that chance to talk properly, without Natsu and Laxus." Freed bowed his head. "I apologize for that. I truly don't mean to pry."

"Oh, I didn't think you were. But you don't have to give me special attention. I know you have other duties." Lucy tried to smile at Freed, but she was too tired to even fake one. And yet, he had a ghost of a smirk on his face.

Freed spread his hands, the bottle he was holding sloshing with amber liquid. He looked up and down the empty bar top. "What duties? You're the only one up here, and I was getting bored."

Lucy stared at him, not quite sure what to make of Freed's unusually relaxed attitude. Freed didn't miss a beat between speaking and mixing liquors and juices into the glass.

"Mirajane told me that being the Master's assistant means being his eyes and ears. But, whatsmore, also providing a safe space for my guildmates. So, by all means, I'm here to help." Setting his last bottle down, Freed garnished the glass with a cherry and slid it towards Lucy. "On the house."

The drink was excellently layered with pink, yellow, and amber liquors. When Lucy brought it to her lips, it smelled like an almond short cookie with raspberry jam. Lucy took a sip, and was pleasantly surprised by the sweet yet nutty sensation on her tongue.

"This is delicious, Freed." Lucy looked up at him. Freed had been carefully watching her, though trying to hide it. "What is this?"

"It's a drink I've created myself." He began putting bottles away. "Haven't come up with a name for it yet. I'm glad you like it."

Lucy stirred her drink, mixing the layers together. Freed was silent, patient and open as he waited for her to gather her thoughts. "It's Natsu. He's been driving me a little nuts lately."

Freed looked over his shoulder. "Has he not gotten any better?" Lucy figured Laxus would have told Freed about Natsu's current situation after she had come to report. She didn't mind, it saved a lot of explaining that she would rather not do in a crowded hall.

"He's getting stronger everyday," Lucy continued. "But he's still not himself. Before I left, he was sleeping on the couch."

"And that's... strange?" Freed guessed.

"He never sleeps on the couch," Lucy explained. "He prefers to sleep in his hammock."

"It's possible there might be a delay in his psychological recovery," Freed suggested after a contemplative moment. "We've never dealt with this before. What has he done?"

Lucy groaned as she clutched her drink. "Nothing, really. He's been sleeping a lot, and hardly eats anything. The first couple days were fine, with Happy and me there to help him with everything. But yesterday, he was awake for most of the day."

"Isn't that good?"

"Yeah, but he treated me and Happy like servants." Lucy bowed her head, saddened by the memory. "Like we were just tools. And then this morning, he was standing at the end of the bed just… watching me sleep. Nearly scared me to death. I almost summoned Taurus before I realized it was him."

"That… is quite strange." Freed leaned against the liquor shelves. "Did he say anything?"

"Only that I was tossing a lot last night and he couldn't sleep because of it," Lucy huffed. "I tried to apologize, but he just walked away."

Freed nodded as he rolled his eyes. "I know what it's like to live with difficult people, so you have my sympathies."

Lucy cocked an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? What's Laxus like to live with?"

Freed started, his eyes going wide and a deep blush blooming on his cheeks.

"Laxus? No, no I was talking about Evergreen!" Freed turned away from Lucy, hoping to hide his red face. "The day she and Elfman finally got their own place was the happiest day of my life!"

Lucy chuckled, remembering the days when all the girls still stayed at Fairy Hills. Now, most of them were moved out, and some of the younger girls had made it their new home. Erza did still live there, simply because there wasn't a single house in all of Fiore big enough for her to put all of her stuff in.

"Try to take heart, Lucy," Freed said as he picked up the glass he had been polishing. "I don't think Natsu knows what he's doing. It would be unfair to hold it against him."

"You're probably right. I know it's only been a few days," Lucy hummed. "But I'm really starting to wonder when I'm going to get my Natsu back…"

Freed only nodded. Lucy sipped her drink in silence, the alcohol already beginning to quell her stormy mind. Talking to Freed had also seemed to help her calm down. He was no Mirajane, but his cool attitude certainly helped. As she sat alone pondering, the drink Freed had made her quickly diminished.

"Lucy?"

Spinning around on her bar stool, Lucy came face to face with Levy. The Sold-Script mage looked worried.

"Hey Levy," Lucy smiled. "You okay?"

Levy chewed her lip. "It is true? About Natsu?"

Lucy felt the blood drain from her face, her fears following the events of Juniper Hills confirmed. Gajeel wasn't like Alzac – he would have told her about Natsu, maybe in order to protect her. Lucy stood from her stool and approached Levy, looking around the guild for the Iron Dragon Slayer, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Uh… what do you know?" Lucy asked, keeping her voice low.

Levy seemed calm, but her wide eyes betrayed her shock. "Gajeel told me what happened. And what you said. Lucy, is it true?"

Her first instinct was to lie. No, it wasn't true, Lucy wanted to say. Natsu was fine, or he would be. But she couldn't lie to her friend, no matter how dismaying the truth was.

"Yes." Lucy answered, casting her eyes to the floor. "It's all true."

Levy frowned, her lithe frame starting to tremble. The air whooshed out of Lucy's lungs as Levy's small but strong arms wrapped around her and squeezed.

"I was so worried!" Levy's hushed voice whispered in her ear. "I'm so sorry I didn't check up on you sooner."

"Natsu would never hurt me, I promise," Lucy said gently. Levy shook her head, squeezing her tighter.

"No, I know that." Levy's numerous earrings clinked against Lucy's as she tilted her head into Lucy's hair. "I just feel terrible that you and Natsu have been dealing with this on your own!"

"We're not completely on our own." Lucy smiled. "We have Happy."

Levy did not laugh. Pulling back, her hands gripped Lucy's arms as her face set into a determined glare. "Listen to me, Lucy. Gajeel might be a coward, but I'm not. If you and Natsu ever need help with trying to find a way to fix this, then I'm your girl."

Lucy gaped at Levy, her friend's words striking a chord within her, a reassurance and validation that she didn't know she needed. Gratitude welled up in Lucy's heart, a smile pulling at her lips.

"Thank you, Levy." Lucy wiped a tear from her eye. It might have been the alcohol, but finally hearing someone actually offer to help them broke a piece of her fear away. "It means a lot to hear you say that."

"Of course, Lu." Levy smiled, her fingers lightly brushing Lucy's hair as the piercing in her eyebrow sparkled in the light. "I'd do anything for you and Natsu. For any of my friends." Levy huffed a small laugh. "You're going to get married, too. I can't have anything interfering with that."

The smile fell from Lucy's face. Taking a step back from Levy, Lucy crossed her arms, frown lines creasing her brow and mouth. Her fingers began twiddling her engagement ring, the diamond shining quietly.

"Actually, about that…" Lucy licked her lips, hesitant to speak her mind. "I've been thinking about calling off the wedding."

"What?!"

Lucy jumped. Erza and Gray stood frozen to the floor, gawking at her like she had attacked them.

"Please tell me you're joking," Gray asked, incredulous. Erza remained silent, gauging the weight of their words.

Lucy sighed, her heart thumping painfully from all the long nights she had stayed awake considering this. Everything had just become so... uncertain.

"I only said that I was thinking about it," she clarified. "And it's not like we would be breaking up. I just don't think it's a good idea to have one any time soon. We'll just… have to wait till this whole thing blows over. And then we'll… we'll talk about getting married then."

Nobody said anything for a while as they absorbed Lucy's words. The silence stretched on a touch too long.

"Those are dangerous thoughts, Lucy…" Gray was the first one to speak. "Most couples I know that said they were just 'taking a break' usually never got back together. I mean, just look at Lyon and Meldy…"

"It won't be like that. That's not how we are," Lucy bit. She knew she was just frustrated, and was about to take it out on Gray, but she couldn't stop herself. "I'm not so shallow that I would do something like that to him. This isn't easy for me - but it's also not easy to wait for a day that may never come."

Erza stepped forward, her face stoic as she gently laid a hand on her shoulder. Against the pale gray strands in her hair, Erza's brown eyes almost seemed black. The Requip mage still had a bruise on her cheek and a bandage wrapped around her neck. She and Juvia had also had to purge themselves of the curse, though they had done it the much harder way, without the Pneumeños plant. Despite this, her recovery was going well.

"As your friend, I think you should do what you think is best." Erza spoke slowly and steadily. "But, as Natsu's friend, I think you should really reconsider. You are what he treasures most in this world. If he ever got the idea that he was starting to lose you, I don't think he could survive."

"I agree with Erza," Levy said. "At the very least, see how Natsu feels about this."

Lucy frowned, but she knew that Erza had a point. With a simple nod, Lucy promised that she would definitely think about it some more. Nobody was satisfied with that answer, but at the moment, that was all she could do.

"This is just great," Gray grumbled as he scratched at his beard. "Natsu finally asks me to be his best man, and now he might not even get married."

Lucy was about to apologize, until Gray suddenly stiffened. Grunting, Gray clutched his arms against his chest, fingers spasming. He started to tremble, struggling against an adversary that none of them could see. The muscles of his arm twitched beneath his skin, his palm glistening with sweat. They all watched as the tattoo of the devil slayer appeared on Gray's arm, blazoning itself across his skin like how embers would consume a leaf. Gray huffed as he regained himself, just as surprised as everyone else by the sudden appearance of the mark.

"That's the second time it's done that." Gray looked up at Lucy. "I don't know what's going on, but I think you need to check on Natsu. Right now."

Lucy paled, gave him a curt nod and spun on her heels. As they watched her leave, Erza turned to Gray, her face asking countless questions. Gray could do nothing but shake his head at her, also not quite sure what to make of his father's magic suddenly forcing itself to awaken once more. The door to the guild slammed shut, the heavy clang echoing through the hall. Gray swallowed past the stone of worry in his throat, and hoped everything was alright.

Lucy had never run so fast in her life. When she reached her house, she could hear Natsu and Happy screaming from outside.

Breaking into a sprint, Lucy rushed up the narrow walk to their house, anxiety spiking like ice through her veins. Through the wood housing, Lucy could just barely make out words. Stop, Happy screamed. Move, Natsu said, his voice gruff and strained. Lucy held her breath as she burst through the door, an image of flame and anger bursting forth in her mind.

But what she saw was not at all what she had been expecting. There was no fire or carnage. Natsu and Happy were in the kitchen, Happy clinging to Natsu's arm, his tail wrapped around one of Natsu's wrist while his paws wrestled with the other fist. Natsu's eyes shined, bloodshot and strained. His cheeks were wet, and Lucy realized that he had been crying. In his hand he clutched a simple knife, an empty slot in the wood block on the counter not two feet away. But the serrated edge shined with liquid crimson. Lucy scanned Natsu and Happy quickly, spotting a bleeding slash across Natsu's other inner forearm, dangerously close to the thin part of his wrist. Happy was desperately trying to take the knife out of Natsu's hand, positioned between the dragon slayer's arm and torso. Lucy stared at the knife in her fiancé's hand, the bloodied tip still aimed at his own flesh.

Before Lucy could think, she was rushing at the two. They looked up at her a split second before she collided with them. The sudden look of horror on Natsu's face did not escape Lucy's attention. Jamming her elbow into his arm, Natsu grunted as the knife flew from his stunned fingers. It clattered across the floor, scattering red. Lucy quickly wrapped her arms around Natsu, trapping his bleeding arm against his torso while Happy clutched onto his other. His upper body immobilized, Natsu cried out and thrashed under them, but he was still too weak to shake them off.

"Let me go!" Natsu cried out, his voice cracking under an unbearable weight. He took a labored step forward, toward the knife. "Let me go!"

Lucy swept her foot under his ankle. Natsu dropped to one knee with a loud wham. Lucy and Happy fell with him. "Stop, Natsu!"

Fresh tears bloomed in Natsu's eyes as his breathing quickened. "Please, Lucy. Just let me go. I can't live like this!"

His words were like an arrow to her heart. Natsu tumbled forward, hitting the floor hard. All three of them struggled on the wooden floor of the kitchen, Lucy and Happy clutching to Natsu with all their might. Red smeared against his shirt and Lucy's thigh. Natsu stretched his arm out under Happy, reaching for the fallen knife only a couple inches out of his grasp. Happy, still wrestling with Natsu's wrist, cried out and flicked his tail. The knife skittered across the floor and hit the wall, well from Natsu's reach.

"No! Happy, please!" Natsu begged. His cries hurt with desperation as his voice strained around the sorrow in his throat. "Please let me go!"

"Natsu!" Lucy screamed. "Calm down!"

The man twisted and jerked his body, trying to get free as his pleas turned to sobs. He pushed himself forward on his belly, knees digging into the floor. Lucy wrapped her legs around his and locked her ankles. Fully restrained, he threw his body helplessly. Natsu huffed between cries.

"I can't do it anymore, Lucy," Natsu sobbed, squeezing his eyes shut. "I can't pretend that I'm not a monster anymore."

Lucy stared at Natsu, her mind blank and rushing. "You're not a monster, Natsu! What the hell would make you think that?"

Natsu twisted to look at her. Lucy lost her breath, crushed by the burning grief and depthless shame in his eyes. He wasn't with her, she realized. He was trapped in his own head, somewhere darker and far more painful than he had ever been.

"I killed all those people," Natsu croaked. New tears of anger and loathing ran down his cheeks. "I've never taken a life before, but I killed them without a second thought! I'm a murderer!"

Natsu dropped his frantic gaze, panting. Lucy could practically the see the madness of his guilt curling behind his eyes like smoke. When he spoke again, his voice hissed with finality.

"I don't deserve to live."

For once, Lucy had no words. Natsu let his head drop to the floor and bawled like a child, his whimpers and cries breaking Lucy's and Happy's hearts into a million pieces. Lucy and the exceed looked to each other, their shock mirrored on each other's faces. Neither of them had ever seen him like this.

"He… he just broke, Lucy." Happy gulped. "Everything was normal one minute, and the next thing I knew Natsu was trying to…"

Lucy looked to the man who wept in her arms. Everything clicked all at once. It seemed that Natsu's persona was not a gradual restoration, like Porlyusica had expected, but more like someone had flipped a switch on his emotions. The dragon slayer had essentially gone from feeling nothing at all to feeling too much. All of the guilt, all the sorrow had hit Natsu like a ton of bricks. It was understandable that anybody in that state of mind would be reckless, but Lucy never would have imagined that Natsu would resort to this. Natsu sniffed, trying to take deep breaths to calm himself. Lucy loosened her grip, and Natsu didn't move. Moving her hands up and tangling her fingers into his hair, she pressed her face into his neck.

"They would have killed you, Natsu." Her voice was low, trying to hide her trembling. "You know that, don't you?"

Natsu twisted his head away from her. "Please, Lucy. Please don't try to make this better. Don't try to justify what I did."

Lucy's face grew hot, her own emotions roiling. "It's the truth, Natsu. They were under some spell that wouldn't let them stop till you were dead. Sometimes… sometimes you have to do unspeakable things in order to live. I know that that's not who you really are, but you didn't have a choice."

"You saved Gray's life, too," Happy chipped in. He crawled along Natsu's arm towards his face. "Don't forget that."

Natsu shook his head, refusing to look at either of them. "I don't know who I am, anymore."

Lucy and Happy frowned, not sure what to say. Lucy released him out of her stranglehold, letting him sit up. Thankfully, he didn't make a move for the knife. Leaning against the cabinets, Natsu hung his head and continued to silently weep through his misery. Lucy watched him, unsure whether she should comfort him right now. She knew that when she was sad, she preferred to be left alone. But it didn't seem right to just sit there and watch him cry. Then she remembered the cut on his arm. Natsu's blood was smeared on his shirt and Lucy's leg, but when she gently grabbed Natsu's arm and inspected the wound, she was relieved to see only a little blood. Lucy sent Happy to retrieve the first aid kit while she wetted a rag in the sink and began to clean the cut.

It was a small slash, but the entrance point was deep, which explained all the blood. If Lucy had to guess, Natsu had stabbed himself with the initial intent to carve through his own flesh, doing irreversible damage. If Happy hadn't yanked his hand away, he would have succeeded. Natsu would live, but actually seeing the knife wound suddenly made the situation even more real. Natsu had tried to kill himself. Happy had stopped him in time, but the very idea that Natsu had even tried made Lucy's blood run cold.

"What were you thinking, Natsu?" Lucy whispered. Happy came back with the kit. Lucy opened it and began to unroll a pack of gauze. "Didn't you know how this would have affected me and Happy if you had…?"

Natsu didn't look up at her. As she sanitized the wound and began to dress it, he took a deep breath.

"I was thinking that you and Happy would be better off without me in your lives."

Lucy froze. Happy gasped next to her. The impact of Natsu's words hung in the air like a thick fog. Natsu lifted his other hand and grabbed a fistful of his hair, trying to fight off another bout of sobs. Finally, Natsu looked up at Lucy. His eyes were red and brimmed with tears. As much as his words had hurt Lucy and Happy, it was nothing compared to the kind of pain he was in right now. Natsu and Lucy stared at each other, neither of them sure what to say.

"Don't," Lucy's breath caught in her throat. She swallowed thickly. "Don't ever say such nonsense again."

Natsu said nothing, returning his gaze to the floor as he shivered. Lucy tied off his bandage, laying a hand over the cloth already blossoming with blood. His words played themselves over and over in her mind, digging painful holes into her heart. Did he really hate himself that much? Was it true that he didn't think he deserved to live? What about her? Were she and Happy not good enough reasons to carry on? The more she thought about it, the harder it became to breath. As irrational as it was, Lucy was angry with Natsu – betrayed by the idea that he would do something so selfish. Lucy tried to remain calm, her hand against Natsu's wound.

"Do you want to take a bath?" Lucy blurted out. "I think you should take a bath."

Natsu looked up at her through his lashes. He had run out of tears to shed, left drained and tired. He considered her suggestion, knowing that she wanted him to leave so that he wouldn't see her cry. Moving his arm out from underneath her hand, Natsu stood.

"Okay," was all he said when he walked out of the kitchen and to the bathroom, leaving Lucy and Happy alone. He stumbled a little as he went, bracing himself against furniture. It was only until they heard the bath water running that Lucy and Happy released shuddering breaths they didn't realize they were holding. Happy spun towards Lucy and leapt into her arms. The little blue cat bawled into Lucy's chest, the idea of Natsu being gone absolutely terrifying him. Lucy cried as well, cradling Happy in her arms as she wondered what she was going to do.

Natsu had been in the bath for about thirty minutes when he heard a knock on the door. The hot water had done nothing to soothe him, but he did feel better. His bandaged arm was up out of the water, his hand fingering the lock of black hair on his head, rubbing it like he was hoping it would go away. The hairs tingled in his scalp, like his body knew they didn't belong. The door creaked as Lucy poked her head in. The steam in the air made her hair curl.

"Hey," she said as she entered the room. "Mind if I join you?"

Natsu blinked up at her, finding himself the smallest bit happier that she was there. "Yeah, but the water's hot. Just to warn you."

Lucy only shrugged as she undressed. Sticking her foot into the water, Lucy grimaced at the temperature. Natsu was about to say something, but Lucy proceeded to climb in, raising the water of the tub till it was almost over flowing. Tying her hair back, Lucy leaned against the opposite wall of the tub so she was facing Natsu. Their legs tangled together under the water. Natsu searched with his hand until he found Lucy's foot. Wrapping his fingers gently around her ankle, he was relieved when Lucy didn't pull away. It wasn't long before Lucy's face was wet with sweat.

"How's Happy?" Natsu asked.

"I sent him to go catch us some fish for dinner," Lucy replied. "Fishing always seems to lift his spirits."

Natsu nodded. He knew that he had upset his little friend a great deal by what he had done. Another log on the fire.

"What about you?" Lucy interrupted his thoughts. "Are you feeling any better?"

Natsu looked up at her, trying to decide if he should tell her the truth or what she wanted to hear. But they had sworn they wouldn't keep secrets from each other, and he was going to stick to that.

"No," he finally answered, dropping his gaze back to the water. "I mean, I am feeling a little better. But… I still wanna… but I won't. I wouldn't do that to you or Happy. I was being stupid."

Natsu didn't dare look up at Lucy, afraid of what he might see.

"Well," Lucy's voice was soft. "I guess that's good to hear."

Natsu's grip around her ankle tightened. How could she be so calm? She should be screaming at him right now. He wanted her to - he fully deserved it.

"I'm so sorry, Lucy." His voice quivered. "I never meant to hurt you guys. I'm just… I don't know how I'll ever be able to make this better."

Lucy shifted, drawing herself closer to him as she took his hand under the water. Natsu finally looked up at her. Lucy was smiling at him, tears glistening quietly in her eyes.

"You can start by kissing me."

The water sloshed as Natsu drew himself up and pulled Lucy towards him. When he kissed her, he could taste her tears and sweat. His damp hands cradled the back of her head, wetting her hair. Natsu kissed her fiercely, eyes shut as he allowed himself to give in to his grief only a little bit. It had been a strange ordeal, how one moment he had been lying on the couch resting when he suddenly felt a shift in his mind. His neck spasmed, snapping his head and jerking him awake. Suddenly the crushing weight of his actions had reduced him to tears, and he had acted without thinking.

Natsu felt new tears leak out from under his eyelids as he kissed Lucy again. Or were they Lucy's tears? He didn't want to open his eyes to find out, only pull Lucy in farther so he could wrap his arms around her. He held her like he was never going to let her go. Lucy's arms curled around his back as she fell into his embraced. He leaned back against her comforting weight, the water rising up to meet him. He heard it sloshing out of the tub and onto the floor, but he didn't care. As the back of Natsu's head submerged into the bath, his lips traveled to Lucy's neck. He wanted to cover her skin with his love, with his apologies, anything to wash away the scent of grief. Lucy broke away too soon, gazing down at him. Natsu opened his eyes and gazed back at her, both of them silently hanging in the moment. Natsu searched her face, trying to figure out what she was thinking.

"Let's get married," she said suddenly.

Natsu blinked up at her. "I thought we already were."

Lucy chuckled. "I mean right now."

Natsu moved to sit up. Lucy slide off of him, her hands moving to his chest. "Are you saying you want to elope?"

Lucy shook her head. "Not at all. We've got everything planned, right? We have a cake, we have flowers. I have a bridesmaid; you have a best man. I have a dress; you have a suit-"

"It's only half a suit, really."

"We could do it," Lucy breathed, her eyes shining. "We don't have to wait."

"But some of the guild members still aren't back, like Gildarts."

"I'm sure if Cana contacted him, he would get here. And we could give the others a couple days notice." Lucy smiled at him, tilting her head. "Whadda ya say?"

Natsu stared at Lucy. It was odd that Lucy would suggest something so hasty, but perhaps she was onto something. With all of the stress and turmoil that they had been through over the past several days, maybe it was a good idea to have a wedding. Just one day where they could forget about the E.N.D. situation and all of the other shit that was going on and be blissfully happy with each other. They owed it to themselves. Natsu returned Lucy's smile, genuinely happy.

"Okay. Yeah, let's do it." He took her hand, her engagement ring sparkling. "Let's get married."

Lucy's laugh ringed in the bathroom. Natsu laughed too, his excitement overcoming his shame. He leaned in and kissed her once more, joy finally making it's own tears in his eyes. He could feel Lucy's smile under his lips, a welcome sensation as they both forgot the shock from half an hour ago. Natsu pulled Lucy onto his lap, pressing her flush against his body. His bandaged arm dipped into the water. Neither of them saw the little wisp of blood rise up from the gauze and dissipate into the water.

A/N: Hey! Sorry I'm a day late. This chapter was hard to write, as I'm sure you can guess why. But next chapter should be a happy one! If anybody is curious, the drink that Freed made does have a name - it's called "Sex At My Friend's House", one of the variations of sex on the beach. It's 1/3 amaretto, 1/3 chambord, and 1/3 pineapple juice. It's delicious, so please enjoy responsibly.

EDIT: This chapter was edited for content on 9/2021.

As always, read, review, and enjoy!