Chapter 8

Let you let me go

The next few weeks flew by Lucy and her friends. Things remained chaotically perfect for them. It was now the end of November, Fiore was covered in a foot of snow, every tree in sight had Christmas lights, stores lined their windows with Christmas decorations, and the air smelt of baked goods and cinnamon all around the town.

Lucy adored winter, minus the cold, she loved the it because she loved all things wintery, building snowmen, hot chocolate, big comfy sweaters, sappy Christmas movies, you name it, and she loved it.

It was currently 8pm and Lucy sat on facetime with Levy as they both tried to complete their chemistry lab write-ups.

"Now I understand why Natsu won't help me with our lab, but I can't comprehend why Erza isn't helping you with yours, she does know that lab write-ups are supposed to be done in pairs?" Lucy asked Levy, her phone was propped up in front of her on her desk as she tried to write her and Natsu's lab discussion.

Levy sighed, "Something about being unable to write as good as me so I should just write it myself. She still could've helped but, you know, its Erza. We damn well know no one would say shit back to her." Levy said while typing in some numbers into her calculator. They were doing a titration lab write-up, which may have seemed easy, but that would be to disregard the fact that no lab-write up is easy, especially all on your own.

"Yeah, if it were anyone else, I would've helped you beat them for making you do all the work, but with Erza..." Lucy shivered in fear, she had seen the wrath of Erza only a few times and she vowed to never to be the victim of her savage punishments, at any and all costs.

"She doesn't even help during the labs either, she just reads the procedure out loud." Levy face-palmed.

"At least she's awake, Natsu snores so loud during the labs I can barley focus on what I am doing." She rolls her eyes.

Lucy's head snaps up at the sound of her apartment door opening. Levy, also hearing the noise threw the phone, asks. "Who is that Lu?"

Lucy turns to look at her facetime, "Probably Alex, he sometimes just comes by and sleeps on the couch when he's too tired to drive home after his shifts."

The two girls get back to work when Lucy's door shot open.

"BOO!" Natsu yells as he dashes into Lucy's room. Lucy screams, but once she registers its Natsu, she sees red. She picks up her pillow and immediately starts beating him with it.

"Haven't you heard of knocking you ass? You scared the living shit out of me. Do that again and your life won't be spared." She says between attacking him with the pillow. She thought Natsu would've backed down, but instead he swiftly grabbed the other pillow from her bed and started fighting back.

"Two can play at this game Luce." His smile was devious. Lucy laughed and went to war with Natsu, they both attacked each other until Natsu got the upper hand, he managed to steal Lucy's pillow from her when she made a weak swing. Lucy gasped and Natsu's smile became even more devious

"Oh Luce, now you've really messed up, you have handed me your weapon, your soft pillow weapon… Prepare for death by pillow," Natsu said slowly approaching her. Lucy laughed and scrambled to run away from him, she ran out the door of her bedroom and into the kitchen. The two ran around the apartment like idiots until Lucy finally gave up.

"O-Okay-Na-Natsu, you wi-win, Holy I'm so out-t of breath." She said

"Oh Luce, we need to get you out more, you have the stamina of a grandma." Natsu joked as he returned her pillows to her bed. Lucy slapped him on the side of his head for his remark.

"I do not have the stamina of a grandmother; you just have enough energy in your body to power all of Fiore for a week." Lucy walked over to her desk to see Levy ended the facetime. She saw Levy had left her a text

Levy:" Have fun with your lover Luce, don't make babies! ;)"

Lucy turned bright red. For the past few weeks, the entire friend group teased Natsu and Lucy for liking each other, though neither of them would admit it, they definitely did. What the group found so funny was how oblivious Natsu and Lucy were when it was right in front of them. Natsu would sometimes hold Lucy's hand, and lucy would often fall asleep on Natsu's shoulder during lunch. Not to mention the pair were inseparable; if you wanted to find Natsu you just had to look for Lucy and vice versa.

Lucy could admit she did see that they were close, but she would never admit her feelings, not when everything was so perfect right now. She had great friends, a great brother, a school she loved, and an amazing best friend who she sometimes held hands and sang with.

Speaking of singing, that was Natsu's favorite part. He took every and any chance to partner with her in music class. Sometimes they would slip away at lunch to the music room and make music together. He would come over to her place on nights she would call him saying that she couldn't sleep, and they would spend hours playing songs they knew until Lucy would finally pass out listening to Natsu play for her.

That was sorta why he was hear now; he had made part of a song but couldn't seem to finish it for the life of him. He knew lucy would know exactly what words to sing, what chord to play to finish his song, so he didn't hesitate walking into her apartment this Monday evening.

"How did you get into my apartment stalker?" She asked she quickly deleted Levy's text notification off her phone.

"Door was unlocked, you should really lock it Luce. You know one day a stranger is gonna walk in and your gonna need more than a pillow to fight them off." Natsu scolded her

"Yeah, it just happened, don't worry I'll invest in a deadbolt to keep out pink-haired stalkers tomorrow." Lucy said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. The fact Natsu didn't see the hypocrisy in his statement just spoke to how dense he could be.

Lucy quickly put away her chemistry homework and Natsu headed to sit at her piano. "I want you to listen, then help me write the second verse, Okay?" he asked her as began the beginning notes. Lucy nodded and headed to sit next to him. She watched as expression changed, he looked sad, like grief had wrapped around his soul. His fingers dance across the keys as he began to sing.

(The scientist- Coldplay)

"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had find you, tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

Tell me you secrets and ask me your questions

Oh, lets go back to the start

Running, in circles, coming up tails

Heads to the science apart

Nobody said it was easy

Its such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start."

Natsu stopped, he looked like he was about to cry. Lucy opened her mouth to ask what the song was about, but he shook his head. She looked down at the piano and thought about the lyrics, someone he loved had left. Lucy knew exactly how that felt. She began to play his chords and finish his song.

"I was just guessing at numbers and figures

Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science, science and progress

Do not speak as loud as my heart

But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me

Oh, and I rush to the start

Running in circles, chasing our tail

Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy

Oh, it such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would so hard

I'm going back to the start."

As Lucy stopped playing, Natsu jumped in on the piano, finishing the song with a lovely melody. Natsu felt a tear fall free from his eye as he did. "This one is for you Lisanna, I miss you." He thought to himself.

Today marked the 4-year anniversary of her death, he never told anyone, but every year he would write her a song. He promised her he would before she passed, and he had held up his end of the bargain. The original promise he made to her was for every month she pushed through her cancer; he would write her a song. But he changed It when he realized that she wasn't going to get better.

Natsu took his hands off the piano and placed them in his lap, he stared at the piano as he fought against his tears. Lucy looked at him with empathy, she knew the toll loss had on someone. She grabbed on of his hands and held it in hers.

"Can you tell me about them?" She asked him quietly.

He took a shaky breath, "Her name was Lisanna; we were friends from the moment we met at age 4. Lucy, there was no one like her. Light and happiness just followed her around, you couldn't be sad around her, no matter how hard you tried, she would just find a way to make all your troubles disappear." He smiled; the tears were falling now. Natsu didn't try to stop them. Lucy listened as he continued to speak.

"You know one time she got suspended when we were like 7 because she punched a guy so hard in the nose she broke it? The guy had been teasing me, I don't even remember for what, and she just punched him. She was fierce and strong and beautiful. We were 9 and we were talking about marriage and kids. We didn't know her life was on a time limit until we were 10."

*Flashback*

"Natsu… can you come over please." Lisanna said between her sobs over the family landline. Natsu, having rarely heard Lisanna cry, ran as fast as he could to her house which was just down the street. He barged through the door; he didn't have to knock anymore as he was over so often the house was practically his second home. He dashed up the stairs into her room where Lisanna and her three siblings stood. Natsu looked at the three, their expressions all the same, they all looked grim and broken.

"Lis? What is it? What happened?" He said as he rushed to her side and pulled her into a hug. She began to cry even harder.

"Natsu, I don't want to die, I want to stay here with you, Mira, big brother Eflman, and Big brother Laxus." Natsu tensed, die? Why would Lisanna be speaking of death.

"Lisanna don't speak that way! You will live, I promise, please don't speak that way." Laxus said, his eyes watered, he didn't want her little sister to die. Elfman, Laxus's twin brother, put his hand on his shoulder, Elfman was only a few seconds older than Laxus, but he was wise beyond their years.

"But that's what they said right? That I'm going to die?" Natsu pulled away from her. He needed the full story.

"Why would you die Lisanna? Please tell me what's going on." His eyes pleaded.

"Angio-carpamony?" Lisanna tried to pronounce the word.

"Its Angiosarcoma Lisanna, an inoperable tumor in her heart." Mira said. She looked at her little sister, she couldn't imagine a world without her there.

"Well can they just take it out?" Natsu turned to Mira, he needed the answer to be yes, he needed to know Lisanna would be okay and that she was just overreacting about this. Unable to answer, Mira shook her head no and began to cry.

That's when It hit Natsu, Lisanna was actually really sick. He hugged her again, tightly, scared that if he let go, she would die. Lisanna hugged him back, their souls intertwining.

"Listen, you're gonna get better, okay? Your gonna kick this heart things butt and then we can go back to our plans. You can't die Lisanna, your gonna marry me when were grown up, remember?" He said with a smile. Lisanna wiped her tears and smiled back, only Natsu could make her feel okay.

The year and few months were absolute hell, Lisanna endured chemo, radiation, all sorts of medicines and surgeries to help her fight. But it never helped her long. Just as the chemo would shrink her tumor, it would come back bigger, a never ending cycle where no one won.

Lisanna became very skinny and weak; she could barley walk most days. She had a feeding tube placed so that she could get enough nutrients. Her hair had fallen out, so she wore a beanie most days. But the worst part of it all, was despite everyone telling her to fight, she wanted to stop.

"Natsu, can I tell you something?" She asked him, they were at his house, and she laid on the bed while he sat at the piano, playing her her monthly song.

"What's up Lisanna?" He asked her, Natsu was very familiar with her treatment, he went with her to every chemo appointment, waited in the waiting room while she got radiation. He knew what medications she took at what hours and what medications to give her for every symptom she had.

"Come here…" She trialed off. Natsu jumped off the piano bench and sat next to her. She tried to sit up better but couldn't. Natsu helped her, lifting her back too adjust the pillows, and laid her back.

"Please…" she whispered, "don't be mad at me for what I'm about to say. Your my best friend and I need you to be my best friend while I say this, not my doctor." She tried not to cry. Natsu felt his stomach turn into knots, he nervously reached for her hand which he held as she spoke.

"Natsu, I have fought, and fought and fought, and Natsu… Please understand me when I say I am tired. I don't mean I am sad, or depressed or anything like that. I'm just ready to let go, I'm ready to move onto my next life. A life where I won't be in pain, I need you to understand that okay? I need you to support me as I let go. Because I can't until I know you will be okay, I can't leave this world until I know you will let me let you go." She said with a sad smile on her face. Lisanna was no longer scared off death, she was not scared of leaving this world. She felt the tug of her soul every night telling her it was time they go on their new journey. But she fought it, she couldn't leave until she knew the people she loved would be okay.

Natsu began to cry, he cried into her chest as she soothed him. He couldn't be without her, he didn't want to be alone in the world again, but he wouldn't force the girl he loved most to stay against her will for his comfort. He had spent so long focused on Lisanna's cancer, he forgot to think about Lisanna and what she wanted. He couldn't be selfish any longer, he would let Lisanna let him go.

"You can let go Lisanna; I promise I'm gonna be okay." He said looking into her eyes. He choked back a sob.

"I'm sorry Natsu, I'm really sorry." She repeated as she held him to her.

"Don't ever apologize Lis, you have made me beyond happy these past few years. With you by myside I never feel alone. Just promise you will wait for me, okay? Promise you will look for me in your next life?" He said to her, he was trying to hold his tears again, but when Lisanna cupped his cheeks and gave him a smile, he shattered. He spent the next few hours crying on Lisanna's chest as she soothed him.

Natsu brought her back home that night and slept over. He held the love of his life in his arms and after she fell asleep Natsu whispered into her ear.

"Please, please look for me when you get there,"

That night when Lisanna felt the familiar tug on her soul, she gave in, her soul then left this earth, onto its next life. She took her final breaths in Natsu's arms.

*end of flashback

" When I woke up she was already gone, we were 12." He said between his tears. Lucy held him I her arms when he told her the story of his fist love.

"You know my scarf." He said tugging at the scarf around his neck. Lucy nodded

"Lisanna knitted it for me when we were 10, it was her first attempt at knitting and she was so proud of it when she gave it to me, that I vowed to never take it off. I've kept that promise."

Lucy stroked his hair as she listened to him. Her eyes were near tears as well.

"is that why the song talks about science?" she asked him softly

"I was so focused on her health; I became more of a doctor to her than a friend. I wonder how long she was ready to let go but continued to endure all of it just because I didn't want her to die." He said with guilt in his voice.

"No Natsu, you have got it all wrong." Lucy said, Natsu looked up at her and she gave him a small smile. "Lisanna didn't "endure" it because she had too or because you were to selfish to let her go. She stayed because she had to make sure her one true love was going to be okay. She had to fight long enough to know you would be able to put yourself together after she was gone. Her love for you is what allowed her to walk the earth for so long, it gave her strength when she needed it most. Don't ever feel guilty okay? Lisanna does not blame you at all."

Natsu's face contorted as he tried not to break out into tears again. Lucy cupped his face and said, "Natsu, let yourself cry, let yourself be sad, but after you need to get back up. You can't let the sadness ruin all the beautiful smiles she gave you in your time together." She said, he broke down once more and lucy pulled him back to her. He cried into the crook of her neck as she soothed him.

"Luce, I miss her so much, I want her back." He said, almost like a beg to the heavens. Lucy whispered into his ear. "Oh, but Natsu, she's so far from gone, she's right here." She said holding his scarf "She's in every little piece of everything you do, she's in your heart, your soul, your music, she's in all your smiles and all of your best days. She has been here the entire time, your guardian angel, guiding you." She said with a small smile.

Natsu pulled away from her shoulder to look at her once more, "How can you be so sure?" He asked her with a hint of hope in his voice.

"Because…"She said as a tear of her own slide free. "I didn't learn to write music so fast until my mom passed, she is in my words, she is my music." Natsu gave her a smile, a small one, but it held all the words he couldn't say right now, "Thank you Luce, I love you."

Authors Note: Bro this is not even what I had planned for this chapter, I sat down to write, and this is what came out. Its better than my original idea which I'll just make as the next chapter now lol. Anyways I hope you enjoy. I really wanted to give Natsu some more depth as a character. I wanted him to be more than Lucy's support, I wanted her to also be his because in my head I think that's what love truly is; helping the person you love most fly as they help you fly with them. I plan to also give each character a back story too, all in due time of course. Anyways Cya!

I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS; I simple write the plot : ) all rights are reserved to the creators of Fairy Tail!