Natsu had never been afraid of the dark. He was a Fire Dragon Slayer – darkness was only something that happened when he allowed it. The shadows held no secrets from him, no dangers or surprises to catch him unaware. Even as a child, a fear of the dark had never been an issue. Igneel's love had been a pyre against evil, a bonfire of safety and strength that Natsu had huddled close to on those cold nights. Then, he had learned to become his own pyre, build his own bonfires. But Natsu had always been cautious of the unseen horrors and sharp terrors lurking in the pitch beyond his light, within and without.
His fire was gone, though, veiled behind an iron curtain of rage. Only the moon chased away the shadows, hanging overhead like a spotlight. His heart thundered in his chest, mind rushing blankly.
Zeref stared at him, silent and watching like a gargoyle. "Breathe, brother."
Natsu scrambled to his feet. Cool grass clung to his elbow and palms, tickling his toes. He was afraid to blink, any brief moment of amplified darkness a hissing threat in his ears. Zeref looked just as he had on the day that Natsu had run into him on Tenrou Island for the first time - back when he had no idea who he was or just how much he would change Natsu's life. Natsu licked his lips, tasting sweat and fear.
"You're not real," he mumbled. "This is a dream."
Zeref's lips parted, a shallow huff blowing from his teeth. "You may be right. But what are dreams if not your own soul's voice trying to be heard?"
His words were jilted, disjointed like pieces of different puzzles that didn't fit. Natsu frowned, his gut lurching a warning through him. The Black Wizard looked to the sky. By the pale light of the full moon, Natsu could clearly see the image of his brother before him, solid and firm - but he was empty, an old vase on a dusty table, holding withered flowers. Gone was his aura, his grief and sorrow that had kindled his magic absent. Natsu would never forget that feeling, the clear memory of anguish and remorse as their fists and souls collided three years ago a brand on his mind. Back then, Zeref's disdain for himself and the world around him had leaked from him, a great flood of power and destruction that drowned even the innocent in its fury. But now… there was nothing, not even a glimmer of magic or life. It was like he wasn't even there.
But that's impossible, Natsu thought. Almost as impossible as the notion that he would be standing before him now.
"Nothing's impossible-" Zeref said suddenly, tearing his eyes from the stars. "-if it's all in your head."
A chilled breeze picked up, ruffling the grass and dancing through Natsu's hair. His skin prickled with goosebumps.
"Wha… what are you-"
The wind. Natsu's eyes widened, his words dying on his lips. The breeze swept across the land, gusting through the trees and setting everything in the nightscape around Natsu into motion – everything except for Zeref. His clothes didn't flutter, his hair didn't shift. It was like Zeref was removed from the world around him, a specter of all the things Natsu feared. Anger flared in Natsu's chest, growing tired of the mystery and deception. He stomped across the field, heels digging his frustration and ire into the earth. His hand shot up and grabbed a handful of Zeref's robes. He could feel the cotton and silk against his fingers, just as real as the ground beneath his feet.
"What the hell is going on?" Natsu shouted. "If this is all in my head, then why can I touch you? You better start talking!"
Zeref simply smirked. "You touch what you expect to touch, Natsu. But as for me..."
His hand rose, reaching for Natsu's heart. He froze, moments passing through eternity as Zeref laid his hand on his chest. His brother's fingers sunk into his sternum like swords sheathing between his ribs. Natsu jerked back, releasing Zeref. He put a hand to his heart, expecting blood and pain… but all he felt was the coolness of his unmarred skin. Natsu's knees faltered, staggering him back against uncertainty and doubt. He was beginning to realize this wasn't a dream.
"You're confused." Zeref's voice broke through the buzz rising in Natsu's ears.
Natsu's mind felt light, detached from his body. "Confused" was an understatement. The tainted flames in his gut sparked.
"No... you're dead. This can't be happening."
Zeref's image stepped toward Natsu, his hand reaching once more. But he stopped, retreating to the edges of nightmares and beyond.
"Death is for the complete," he said, eyes staring through his fingers. "Not all of Zeref perished on that day. But he was fragmented long before you fought."
Natsu looked up. Something wasn't right.
"What's wrong with you?"
His lips twitched, Natsu's words unheard. "His lost fragments became our power. Our light was supposed to extinguish when his did. But you... you're more than a fragment."
Zeref's eyes met Natsu's own, black and green blending to a mixture of betrayal and strife. His brother's gaze rang hollowly, a deep cave of fractured thoughts.
"You are whole, unbroken," Zeref mumbled. "You're special, Natsu. I'm just a splinter in your heel, festering and calloused."
"So... you're not really him?" Natsu asked. "Then, what, am I going insane?"
"Perhaps," Zeref shrugged. "What is insanity but-"
"Stop. Stop talking." Natsu pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to give his poor mind a chance to make sense of this mess. "You're giving me a headache."
"I've been by your side long before you met Zeref," the Black Wizard said. "I was there all the times you skimmed the darkness, waiting on the other side to pull you under. I've held your hand through triumph and sorrow."
"For a splinter, you sure have a lot to say."
"I was there, screaming and rising, when you accidentally fell over the edge," Zeref said, pointing a finger to Natsu's head. The patch of darkness on his scalp tingled, pulling. "But something else put you back together again, and I was trapped once more."
Natsu blinked at Zeref. Riddles had never been his strong-suit. Then his mind flashed back to that day by the lake. When he had shattered and burned, collapsing under the weight of his own curse like a dilapidated house, waking up in a crater of his mistakes. He remembered being reset, his magic and time wound backwards. It finally dawned on Natsu.
"You're... the thing behind the glass?"
Zeref said nothing, his silence more than an answer. This was more than a piece of Zeref's magic, more than a nightmare from memories that he would rather forget. Zeref's image flickered before Natsu, a glitch in reality placing a wreath of dark flames and red thorns on his head. Onyx claws twitched on his fingers, eyes bleeding pitch. For a brief instance, Natsu saw his own etherious unfiltered and raw. The moon vanished from the sky, winking out behind raging smoke. Natsu's own grin glared maliciously back at him, sharp and hungry. The world snapped back into place, Zeref settled into his form. Natsu was beginning to prefer insanity as a better option.
"Then, you came to me willingly," Zeref said, breaking the strain. "So here I am."
Natsu wanted to scream. He wanted Lucy and Happy, to flee to their embraces and hide away from his monsters. This darkness was too heavy, too thick to chase away.
"But why now?" His voice scraped in his throat, whispering loudly in the stillness of the night.
"You took my hand and set me free. But I'm still contained," Zeref said, connecting his fingers in a loose cage. "You're still keeping me at bay. Though, I suppose you've noticed the stain I left."
A hand strayed up to the black patch on his scalp - but he had a feeling that it wasn't his hair that he was referring to.
"You told Lucy that your magic felt different." Zeref, suddenly tired, wilted. "Fire can burn through the storm, through time and hate and tyranny. But when the flames burn themselves, like a snake consuming its own tail, the ramifications can be severe. Eventually, they will be extinguished."
"What are you saying?" Natsu's bones were too heavy, threatening to drop through his skin.
"Ashes to ashes," Zeref said, his words lilted in song. "You're embers are fading, Natsu. It's only matter of time."
His words, though disjointed, sent his message loud and clear.
Natsu was dying.
"I'm sorry," Zeref whispered. His words seemed so genuine, so sincere, Natsu almost took comfort in their guilt.
His eyes wandered to his home, to the dark window where his new wife still slept in their bedroom, alone. Happy was away, spending the night with Pantherlily. His little buddy that had stuck with him through all the battles and struggles and turmoil. His mind's eye wavered, an image of gloom and grief; Lucy and Happy in darkness, their cheeks wet with tears of sorrow for him, wasting the years away and drowning in their heartbreak. Their pain twisted like a noose around his neck, burning his throat and stinging his eyes.
He couldn't do that to them. Not again.
"No. There's got to be a way to fix this." Natsu approached Zeref, looking down into his brothers tired, slivered eyes. He was older and taller than his older brother, now. He would freak out about that later. "You got me in this mess, now you're going to get me out of it. Think, Zeref! There has to be something."
For a while Zeref said nothing, staring back at him through drooping eyelids. His gaze looked through him, deteriorating like leaves in the fall.
"I don't have answers for you, Natsu," he finally said. Natsu's teeth bit his frustration. Hopelessness, a small snowflake before a blizzard, alighted on his heart.
"But, perhaps, maybe the real Zeref did at some point."
Natsu's eyes widened. The snowflake melted. "Okay! Is there a way to find out if he did? You like to write shit down in books, so maybe something like that?"
"It's possible," Zeref said softly. "If there was, it would be with the rest of his research, in-"
The ground erupted beneath Natsu, dirt and mud flying through the air. He hit the ground hard, tumbling through the grass, scraping his chest and face. Natsu shook his head, a new kind of headache blossoming behind his forehead. The air hissed, crackling in his ears like static. Vision clearing, Natsu scrambled into a crouch. He looked up to his new foe… and up, and up, and up, his mouth dropping open.
Dirt crumbled off of the frame of the monstrous centipede as it writhed in the ground, its crystal clear body reflecting the light of the moon. Thousands of tiny parts clinked together, chiming in a million dissonant notes. The beast twisted, massive pincers spreading wide releasing a screech into the night. The giant bug reared back and dove at the dragon slayer. Natsu rolled away, bumping through the narrow gap of tremors as it crashed into the earth. Springing to his feet once again, Natsu knelt and glared at the glass centipede. It yanked its head from the ground, chittering at him. Needle sharp teeth reverberated within its jowls, glistening like a spectral scythe cutting through a dark woods. There was no doubt about it – this was that Ruby Manticore girl's magic.
Another ear-splitting shriek erupted from the maw of the centipede, its many legs squirming. Natsu growled, slamming his fist into the grass.
"Hey ugly, keep it down, would ya?" Natsu stood. The night's tension thrummed through his veins, pent up anger ready to be unleashed. "My wife is trying to sleep!"
He summoned his magic without thinking. Flames danced across his fist, flaring under his skin. Hot pain lanced through the tendons of his hand. Natsu groaned, cutting off the flow of magic. Blisters boiled and popped along his fingers, harsh and oozing. His hand curled, tight and clawing against shock and heat. Natsu stared at the wound - he had never been burned before. But his surprise would have to wait. The centipede rose up once more and hissed, coiling its body in a harrowing symphony of dread. Uncountable legs clicked, dragging the rest of its body out of the ground. It was... a lot bigger than he thought it would be. The centipede arched into the sky, its translucent body gleaming like a ghost in the moonlight.
In one of the few times in Natsu's life, he didn't know what to do.
"Natsu! Mooooooove!"
A cowbell clanged in the shadows behind him. Natsu ducked to the ground, a gust of wind from Taurus' hooves passing over his head. With a mighty swing of his great axe, the bull cried out and brought the sharp edge of the blade down on the centipede's head. A sound like screeching metal pierced the air, scraping sharp nails in his ears. Taurus cleaved the insect in half in a clean cut. The centipede went still and silent, a statue frozen in memorial. Its crystal body burst into a shower of shards, glistening like snow. Natsu lifted his arms, shielding his face as the pieces rained down on him, thumping against his head and nicking his shoulders.
"You got a strange way of kicking off your marriage, Natsu." Taurus offered a hand, helping him to his feet. "It's unherd of. By the way, welcome to the family."
He dropped his arms, panting away the adrenalin in his stomach, eyes turning back to the house. Lucy leaned against the side, sleep clinging to her hair. She had managed to throw on her sweater before coming to his aid, stitches barely reaching below the curve under her hip.
Lucy dropped the hand that clutched Taurus' key and stared at Natsu. She shook her head, starlight falling from her cheeks.
"We just can't catch a break, can we?" She huffed at him, a hint of frustrated laughter behind her voice.
Natsu didn't respond. His gaze swept back over the field of ruined topsoil and glass shards. Zeref was nowhere to be seen.
Lucy sat down at the table with her mug of tea, pushing up the sleeves of her sweater. Natsu looked up at his wife, his own mug untouched. It wasn't easy to explain what had happened out in the dark, but he had done the best he could. His brother's name made her flinch, a whisper of fear ghosting across her lips. But she listened, absorbing his words and Natsu's poor retelling of the odd conversation with Zeref.
"Can you see him now?" She asked tentatively.
Sighing through his nose, Natsu looked around, not sure if he would be shocked to see Zeref standing in the kitchen somewhere. But it was just the two of them, alone yet together. He shook his head. Lucy hummed and nodded. Natsu reached across the table, his fingers gracing her knuckles, touching her wedding ring.
"You okay?"
She looked up at him, her eyes tired but her smile genuine. "Yeah, I'm okay, I guess I'm just… surprised that I'm not surprised."
Natsu sighed, guilt choking in his throat. Through all the adventures they had been on together, Natsu hadn't regretted a single day of revelry or misery. It had made them stronger, brought them closer. But even he could admit this was a lot. When had their days of questing become so laborious? When was this going to end?
He tried not to think about Zeref's message, to ignore the clock ticking down his time left.
"If I'm understanding correctly," Lucy said. "Then it sounds like Zeref used pieces of his life to create the etherious. It makes sense, that way the demons would die when he did. And you..."
She didn't need to finish. She was trying not to think about the clock, either.
"You rewrote the book," he said, smirking with pride. "You gave me my life back."
"Because you have your own soul." Lucy looked at him, the pieces falling into place. "The other etherious are just hollow imitations of life. I wouldn't be able to do the same thing with any other book."
"You still did it."
Lucy's eyes cast away from him, disappointed. "Apparently I missed something."
Natsu wanted to reassure her, to tell her she had accomplished the impossible and beaten the odds. But she had already retreated into herself, lost in memories and words marking her skin. Her writing hand twitched, drifting down to rub her hip.
"You did your best, Lucy," he tried. "You couldn't have known. Please, don't blame yourself."
Her hand came back to her mug. Lucy sighed, puffing her cheek.
"I'm not," she said. "That wouldn't do either of us any good. I'm not giving up on you."
Gods, he loved her so much.
"Something he said is bothering me, though." She tapped her finger on her mug. "That 'something else' put you back together again? Any idea what that means?"
Natsu groaned, taking a sip of his tea. Herbs and honey washed over his tongue, drowning out the lingering taste of dirt and despair.
"If he knew, he wasn't telling." It bothered Natsu, too. The distant words of Igneel's lullaby echoed. "Talking to him was like talking to a tree."
"At least we know your magic won't be too much of a problem anymore." Lucy tried to sound cheerful. They both knew it was a shallow hope.
Natsu looked down to his hands, his fingers wrapped in hasty bandages and drenched in salve. "I guess that's true."
"In all the rush to get married, I had completely forgotten about Konza," Lucy admitted. "Marlow was right; she didn't just give up and go away."
"She's a Maker-Type mage," Natsu thought out loud. "She had to be nearby in order to conjure that spell so close."
"Unless she found a way to cast spells over long distances." Lucy quirked her lips, cupid's bow bending. "We have no idea what the true extent of her powers are, or how many books she might have in her possession."
Natsu scowled. "Where did she even get those books, anyway? How many of those damn things are left?"
Lucy blinked at Natsu, his words registering a forgotten truth in her mind. She had never told him about Marlow, what he had told her and Gray from behind the bars of Christina. Between dealing with Natsu's apathy and the wedding, she just hadn't been able to find the right time to bring it up.
Whoops?
"It's possible," Lucy said timidly, "that she got them from Zeref's library."
She saw him freeze, stiffening like grass in a frost. His palms landed heavily on the table. He leaned toward her.
"What did you say?"
The desperation in his eyes betrayed the calm in his voice.
She told him. Starting with Konza's deranged ramblings of lords and curses to Marlow's cryptic warning of nightmares and lost monsters. Natsu listened intently, clinging to her words like raindrops in a desert. When she was finished, he stood from the table, racing thoughts moving his body.
"That's it," he mumbled to himself. "That must be the research Zeref was talking about."
Natsu spun back to Lucy, his eyes wild. Lucy could see it; the forlorn grasping of a man sliding into his grave, clawing for a way out.
"There might be a way to fix all this in that Library. It's not just for demons, it's all his research and experiments. If we were ever going to find a solution to all this crap, then that's probably the only place where we would find it!"
Lucy stood as well, her mug of tea still left untouched. She approached him openly, but unsure.
"How do you know you can trust Zeref?" Lucy's teeth hurt against that name. "Or whatever it is that you see? How do you know this isn't some kind of trick?"
Natsu faltered. She had a point. Could they dare to think an answer might be in sight? Or were they chasing lies taunting them like fool's gold? Natsu wasn't sure. But he couldn't think of any reason for this specter to lie to him. In the end, if he died, so did the etherious.
"I don't know, Lucy." He sighed, a thousand pounds of weight in a single breath. "But this is all we've got."
Natsu suddenly looked so tired to Lucy. His shoulders sagged, shadows swam under his eyes, and a weariness hung from his jaw. Lucy stepped up to her husband, wrapping her arms around him and falling into his woe. Despite all his strength, all the enemies he had defeated over the years, this might just be Natsu's greatest battle. There is no greater enemy than yourself, after all. Lucy couldn't blame him for trying to find hope. She felt Nastu's breath against her neck, his large hands burning across her back. She could take it all for a little while, shoulder the burdens so he could know peace.
"You're right." Lucy mumbled into his hair. "We should at least check it out. So, did Zeref tell you where the Library is?"
"No." Natsu pulled back, a frown on his lips. "He was just about to tell me before creepy-crawly showed up."
"That's okay," Lucy said, her words slurring into a yawn. "In the morning we'll go to the guild. I know just the person who might have an idea on where to start."
"I have no idea where to even start!" Levy gaped at Lucy. "You're gonna have to give me more to go off of than that, Lucy. And shouldn't you guys be on your honeymoon?"
Lucy stood in the guild hall, still in the process of being cleaned up after the ceremony yesterday. Mirajane swept flower petals off the floor while Gajeel and Elfman brought in the furniture from outside. Lucy looked around, to the garlands still hanging from the rafters and the tiered alter. It was hard to believe the wedding had only been yesterday.
Natsu sat at the bar, talking to Happy in hushed tones. The blue exceed wasn't pleased with what he was hearing. But he hugged Natsu's arm when he was finished talking, Natsu rubbing him fondly between the ears. That seemed like a good sign to Lucy.
"The honeymoon can wait," Lucy said. "This is our first real lead to helping Natsu, and I want to take full advantage of it. Are you sure you can't think of anything?"
"Lucy, I can't even begin to know where to look until I have some idea of… you know, where to look!" Levy rubbed her temple, fingers twiddling the piercing in her eyebrow. "Sorry Lu, but even I'm not that good."
Lucy tried not to let her dejection weigh into her frown.
"It's okay. I guess I got excited."
"Is the honeymoon over already?"
Gray appeared by her shoulder, Juvia familiarly by his side. Lucy's eyes strayed down to his collar, a puckered blemish peeking over the shirt on his neck. Lucy tore her eyes from the hickey, saving her smirks for later.
"There's been a… development." Lucy tilted her head. "Do you remember the library we heard about?"
Gray's face dropped into disgust. He knew where this was going. "Don't tell me…"
"We need to find it," Natsu said. He stepped beside Lucy, Happy riding on his shoulder. Gray said nothing about the bandages on his knuckles. "There may be something there that can help me."
"And how do you know that?" Gray asked. Silence, answers sealed behind Natsu and Lucy's hesitant lips. He scowled and waved off the question. "Okay, fine. I'll ask later, to spare you the trouble of having to lie to me."
"We wouldn't." Natsu grasped Gray's arm. He flinched at the touch - slick shadows dripping through smoke, a burn that raged and cried. His knuckles bared their teeth. Natsu let go. Gray shivered. "But it's hard to explain."
Gray blinked at the other man. Juvia leaned into his sight, her eyes questioning and worried.
"Okay…" He crossed his arms, pondering. "Well, if you want a fast but not so easy solution for your problem, we already know about two people who know where that library is. And of those two people, we know the exact location of one."
Natsu and Happy muddled in query. Lucy blanched, catching Gray's implications. Lips curling sourly, Lucy chuckled ruefully as she shook her head.
"I guess he was right." She stated flatly. "We do need him."
"But something tells me he isn't going to just tell us where it is that easily," Gray countered.
"Who are you guys talking about?" Levy beat Natsu to the question. "Who is 'he'?"
Lucy looked up, her and Gray mirroring disdain on their faces.
"The mercenary Ruby Manticore Master." Gray spat. "The one who tortured Juvia and Erza."
Juvia's face darkened at the memory. Natsu gritted his teeth, the miring image of her and Erza nearly beaten to death coiling through his memory.
"You know exactly what's going to happen right?" Gray spoke lowly. "We're going to demand he give us the location of the library, then one of two things could happen; at worst, he refuses to tell us unless we do something for him - probably break him out of jail - and at best, he doesn't really know the location of the library and we end up wasting our time. It's a lose-lose situation if you ask me."
Lucy hummed. Gray was mostly right. They weren't completely hopeless, though. They needed a trump card, someone else like Erza or Gajeel, who had ways of getting information. But Marlow was a mercenary after all - keeping his mouth shut was in his job description.
"We have to be smart about this," Lucy murmured. "He probably won't talk to you, Gray-"
"I'm fine with that."
"-but he might talk to me. I think Marlow has a soft spot. We just have to find it."
"I'll find his soft spot for ya," Natsu growled, clenching his fists.
Lucy shook her head. "You're not going, Natsu. We need you here, looking through the library with Levy in case this does end up being a bust."
"Really? You're going to make Natsu do research on the day after his wedding?" Gray grinned. "That's cold, Lucy."
"Hey," Natsu sneered. "I've gotten pretty good at doing research, ice pack. But there's no way I'm going to let you do this without me."
"You and Gray both being there will only intimidate him."
"Intimidation can be a good thing," Gray said.
"Not when he's safe behind bars," Lucy countered. "No, Gray and I will both go because he's familiar with us and it'll make him feel more at ease, especially since he probably already knows we're coming. But we do need to bring someone that he doesn't know, someone that he has no power over. Someone like..."
Lucy looked around. Gajeel would work, except that he would pose the same intimidation problem as before. Mirajane could get answers, her dark touch and moony face a boon against most men. But Lucy didn't want to drag more people into her problems than were necessary, even if Mira was more than willing to help. She hadn't seen Erza all morning. No, they needed someone who had been there, and knew what was going on. Someone like...
"Me."
The heat evaporated from Gray's eyes as he looked to Juvia, silent up until now. Her sullen eyes narrowed, wincing like the injuries that Marlow had given her still hurt. Lucy saw fire there, too, revived and roaring. She was done licking her wounds. Gray touched her shoulder, a fragile light of assurance.
"Are you sure?" He spoke lowly.
"Yes," she said without hesitation. "I'm done sitting by while things happen. I want to help. Let me be the one to get us this crucial piece of information. I won't disappoint you."
"It's not that we don't think you can, Juvia." Lucy said, brows holding her concern. "But this isn't going to be easy."
Juvia sighed, blowing hurt and ache. "It's not like I've never been tortured before... but I do have to admit that this time has stuck with me something fierce. I know I'll be okay, though, with time. And if you're there-" her eyes found Gray, shimmering and calm. "-then that'll make everything better. I know I'll be safe."
Gray met her gaze, seeing an aspect that Lucy couldn't, a hidden depth holding strength and conviction. Juvia was so much more now, her waves powerful and eroding.
"You've got this, Juvia." Natsu bumped her, toothy smile gleaming.
"Thank you. Besides..." Her face darkened, like a receding tide before the tsunami. "There are some things that I would like to say to him, as well."
A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for leaving you with such a nasty cliffhanger last week! I don't really have an excuse other than a general lack of motivation to do anything. I think some of you will be surprised to see that not everything is as it seems, and now the ball is rolling again!
Also, if you guys haven't noticed, all my chapter names are snippets of cliches and saying just like the title... and I'm running out. If any of you know any good ones, feel free to leave one in a review! I'll give you a shout out if I use yours.
EDIT: This chapter has been significantly rewritten for style, content, and grammar. - 12/21
As always, read, review, and enjoy!