Chapter 16:

"Now, this spell… or chant, as it really is, was used as a protective barrier against any evil that threatened to enter one's home or one's loved ones' home. Nowadays, nobody is truly able to perform it. They procedure is incredibly hard, it's not just moving your wand and letting sparks fly by,"—at this point, Professor Bathsheda Babbling let out an airy chuckled, as if her lame attempt at a joke had been the funniest thing in the world.—"Only very powerful witches or wizards can perform it, most of us only know the theory of it." She continued even if her voice slowly turned to white noise.

I truly liked Ancient Runes, it was pretty much my best subject besides Divination, but so many weeks without sleep, or at least a resting sleep, were catching up to me and I honestly couldn't focus. I blinked hard, looking down at my slightly-blurred notebook. Half of the 12 pages I had written thus far were filled with fervently taken notes as I had been completely excited to know Professor Babbling was finally going to show us the theory of how to do an Ancient spell. Those opportunities were incredibly rare. But as class I looked at the other pages, the notes started to be lazy. Now, as we neared the middle of our second class period in Ancient Runes, the Professor's calm voice was lulling me to sleep. She didn't speak to loud nor too lowly, it was a perfectly projected even tone and it was making my brain calm and my eyelids heavy. I shook my head again, trying to shake the sleep off, and continued to write as fast as I could so I wouldn't lose any of her words. My efforts to keep my eyes open were futile, though, and my head eventually fell to my propped up arm and then to the desk as my elbow slipped and my arm fell. In seconds, I was out like a light. Surprisingly, it was not a dream filled with horrors of what was to come or of what had come or of what was happening, it was a relaxing soothing sleep, the sounds of quill against paper and the quiet excited murmurs when the Professor said something interesting completely soothing to me. I could sleep better in class than I could in my own dorm, something that had never happened before.

"Miss Potter!"

the exclamation, which was very near a yell more than anything, brought me back from the sweet slumber I was under and I jumped up in my seat, blinking confusedly around the room. The students were looking at me curiously, while Professor Babbling looked down at me with an exasperated but at the same time worried frown. I had never ever in my life fallen asleep on class before, never ever. Not even when I was bored in Defense against the Dark Arts because Mother had already taught me that day's class over the holidays. I always stayed up, half of my focus on what was going on in class and the other half on the drawings on my notebook.

"I'm so sorry, Professor." I apologized quickly. "I'll never fall asleep again, I promise."

"Merlin, Miss Potter, forget about that." The professor waved me off, worry finally overcoming her exasperation. "You look awful, are you feeling ill? Go down to the Hospital Wing, immediately."

"Oh, no, professor, it's nothing really." I tried to deny.

"It was not a request, Miss Potter." Her features turned hard. "Now, off you pop."

I sighed and started to gather my stuff, still aware of everyone's gaze on me. On my way out, I spotted Mary silently looking at me with a worried frown. I gave her a weak smile before walking out, hoping I had let her know I was fine. But I wasn't and apparently it was so obvious the teachers were starting to realize it. I simply wanted to escape. I wanted to take James' Invisibility Cloak and hide away at some abandoned classroom for the rest of the year. I was so sad but I couldn't tell why. I decided to go to the Infirmary; after all, I did need a Sleeping Draught or something. This was getting ridiculous. The walk there was calm, considering everyone was in class. The Hospital Wing was vast and filled with warm light coming from the big windows on its walls, there were only three beds occupied. I gave the poor sick or wounded students a sad glance before breathing in a deep cleansing breath and knocking on Madam Pomfrey's office.

"Come on in!" was the response I received and yet, I hesitated.

I opened the door and stepped forward. Madam Pomfrey looked up from some papers in her mail.

"Miss Potter, what brings you to my office?" she asked, putting her quill down.

"I've been… lately, I haven't been feeling so good." I started, walking further into the office slowly.

"What is the matter, Miss Potter?" the healer asked, already getting up to stand beside me.

"I can't sleep." I admitted in a small voice. "I don't want to sleep."

"Now, Miss Potter, what nonsense is this?" Madame Pomfrey demanded, her tone reproachful. "Why wouldn't you want to sleep?" she put a hand in my shoulder and directed me outside her office, walking slowly and keeping her eyes on me, obviously inspecting me.

"Because of the nightmares." My voice came out almost below a whisper and the healer's face softened immediately. She paused and turned to face me completely.

"When was the last time you had a good full night's sleep?" she questioned, her blue eyes searching, ready to know if I was lying or not.

"Since we came back from Christmas break, I think." I pondered the idea for a moment. "Wait, no, a bit before that but it wasn't as bad as it's been recently."

That was a small lie; I had had bad dreams, weird dreams, ever since I could remember but the last thing I needed was for Madam Pomfrey to floo St. Mungo's and declare I was bonkers, so I kept the information to myself. The witch's eyes widened and she shook her head, walking me completely out of the office and into the depths of the Hospital Wing. We walked past one of the students and my eyes widened when I realized it was no other than Rosier. He had a bandaged foot but didn't look in pain at all, almost as if he were here simply so he could skip class. He probably was. He had fallen off his broom in the Quidditch mach against Hufflepuff, even if he had claimed one of the players had pushed him off and that it hadn't been an accident. That had caused Hufflepuff a fault and they had lost the game because of it. I was sure he probably simply had a sprain or something but he had exaggerated it to a ridiculous extent when the accident had happened. He smirked when he met my eyes and I quickly averted my gaze, turning back to the healer. She directed me to a bed, not three beds away from Rosier's. She forced me to sit down.

"Wait, no, no, why am I staying?" I asked a bit alarmed over the fact that Evan Rosier was so close to me.

"Because you, Miss Potter, are suffering from exhaustion. You need sleep, a lot of sleep in a calm place." Madam Pomfrey pointed at me. "I'll be right back with a Sleeping Draught, do not leave this bed."

With that the young healer left me. I sighed, resigned and laid down on the bed. I kind of wanted the potion, if I was being honest. I was starting to be afraid of falling asleep, that was never a good sign. A Sleeping Draught would give me a relaxed, sleepless sleep, something I craved more than anything right at the moment.

"What's happened, Potter? You broke a nail?" Rosier's voice echoed around the empty wing. I ignored him. "What's wrong, princess, finally realized you shouldn't mess with a snake?" he asked me after it became clear I was not answering him.

"You call me 'princess' an awful lot." I rolled my eyes and sat up, glaring at him from across the room. "Do you fancy me or something?"

"Careful, Potter," he said, a threatening tone seeping through.

"I told your little friend and I showed you with my actions but, apparently, you Slytherins are real thick. Don't worry, I'll tell you once more; I am not scared of you," I said the last words separately and perfectly enunciated, as if taking to a five-year-old.

I was scared of them, of course I was, especially because I knew that the thicker the war got the less time they had as simple idiotic boys and the sooner they'd become Death Eaters. But I was not about to show that. I was a brave Gryffindor and while, yes, finding courage had come to be a bit difficult lately, I would not let it be said that Meredith Potter had cowered away in front of a Slytherin.

"You should be." The Slytherin continued, highly bothered by my insult.

"What's the most you can do to me here? Make me trip on the hallway?" I asked sarcastically, starting to wonder where the hell Madam Pomfrey was.

"We won't be in here forever, Potter. And the moment we're out, you're the first I'll be going after. You and the rest of your stupid little family." Rosier spat.

Thank God, Madam Pomfrey made her way over to me right at that moment, otherwise I would have cursed the little son of a bitch, I didn't care how exhausted I was. How dare he threaten my family? He could say anything he wanted to me, I didn't care. But my family was precious territory; nobody messed with them, even if sometimes I messed with them. The healer gave me a long glass filled with a potion that didn't look as disgusting as I half-expected it to.

"Bottom's up." She ordered, fluffing my pillow and watching as I drowned the whole thing in one go.

"How long will I be asleep for?" I ask, already feeling the effect of the potion. Well, that was quick.

"As long as you need to," Madame Pomfrey said.

Those were the last words I heard in a very long time, not even the knowledge of the Slytherin, who had already threatened my life, laying not too far away from me was enough of a worry to keep me up. After what felt like only a second but was probably a lot more than that, I woke up with a sigh. Oh, Madam Pomfrey had been right, I needed to sleep. I felt so much better already.

"Hello, sweetie," a soft familiar voice said to my right and I looked up to find my mother sitting next to me.

"Mum, what are you doing? You have class." I frowned, sitting up.

"Meredith, you've been asleep for fourteen hours," she said as it was the obvious answer. I watched as she got up and sat down at the edge of my bed. I pulled my legs to my chest and circled them with my arms. "Why didn't you tell me, honey?" she asked, her prefect brows arching down.

"I didn't want to worry you." I mumbled as my eyes darted to where Rosier had been. The bed was empty. "I didn't want to worry anyone."

"Well, everyone is worried. James almost had a stroke. And your brother's been paranoid about Delilah since I told him; he's worried she might be in the same position as you." My mum reprimanded. "You need to tell someone about this. You can't keep everything in."

"I told Lily and Sirius," I protested. "Well, kind of. But Lily knew." I defended, finally looking up to make eye contact with my mother.

"Yes, she told me. I meant a responsible adult, Meredith Adhara. You can't be this reckless, it came to the point were you had to almost collapse to ask for help. Stop being so proud." My mother reprimanded, her tone even harder than before.

"I'm sorry." I replied, locking my jaw and looking away so I wouldn't cry.

My mother sighed, shaking her head and moving forward to embrace me. "I don't want to fight. I'm sorry," She said, stroking my hair. "Madam Pomfrey will give you some potions so you'll be able to sleep normally, only for two months, though. We don't want you getting an addiction, now, do we?" she tried to light up the mood. I indulged her with a breathy laugh.

"Thank you," I said, moving out of the embrace.

"You do feel better, right?" she asked me, slightly worried. "It's… it's not like last time."

I frowned but caught on quickly to what she was implying. I thought about it, was it like last time? Not really. I had nightmares, I was edgy, and constantly feeling like someone would jump up on me. But that was normal, considering we were going through a war where my family and my future and my loved one's future were in constant peril, not to mention I had been threatened constantly by future Death Eaters. And, yes, lately my nerves were a bit wracked and I got really close to having anxiety and panic attacks but nothing as bad as last time. Nothing compared to last time.

"No, mum." I shook my head. "It's only nightmares. I've had bad dreams all my life, you know that. Sometimes it gets harder to ignore than others, that's all."

That answer didn't qualm her worry. She shook her head, pulling a lock of my hair back. "I keep telling your father we should get you tested, that's not normal."

"Mum, really, it's not necessary. I'm fine." I insisted.

She kept looking at me, worried, but accepted my answer even if she wasn't entirely convinced. After that, leaving the Hospital Wing was incredibly easy. My mother told Madam Pomfrey she wanted me discharged and Madam Pomfrey surprisingly agreed, after giving me a very long talk about how I should take my potions and that if I didn't I would never get better. The talk was so long and boring I almost fell asleep again. After that, mum and I made our way over to the Gryffindor tower. Dinner was taking place but I wasn't really hungry, so mum left me in my room and went down to attend dinner. That was new, maybe she was finally admitting I was kind of almost grown up now. I had about ten minutes of peace and nothing but my thoughts, not exactly a good thing, before the door burst open and the girls ran to my bed. Lily threw her arms around me, hugging me tightly and babbling about a bunch of stuff I almost didn't get because they came tumbling out of her mouth incredibly fast.

"Lily, Lily! I don't understand a thing about what you're saying," I said, hugging her back but trying to calm her down a bit.

"I'm sorry but you had us worried. One moment Mary is telling us you had to leave because you weren't feeling good and the next James comes into the Common Room, white as a sheet, and tells us you're in the Hospital Wing until further notice!" she ranted, her green eyes widened.

"I'm fine." I repeated for what felt like the umpteenth time. "I told you I was having trouble sleeping, that's all."

Mary and Dorcas nodded, relieved to find I was indeed fine and hadn't died or something while Marlene and Lily simply gave me another tight hug.

"You better go down, James wants to see you. And Christian is also downstairs." Mary mentioned from her bed.

I thanked her before going downstairs, having no idea of what I would find. They could be angry at me, they could be relieved; neither option was appealing to me. I hadn't done this on purpose, it wasn't my fault I had horrible nightmares. But Christian would not let it go. They were sitting near the fire. My brother had a frown on his face and I knew he was angry. Great.

"Hi," I said.

James got to his feet immediately, hugging the daylights out of me. I hugged him back.

"Don't scare us like that again," he said after a moment. "If you need anything—"

"You're here?" I asked, moving backwards to meet his eyes. "I know, James."

Unfortunately, my brother wasn't so kind. He went on and on for hours about how irresponsible I had been and how I should've told someone. I turned his voice into white noise after a while. He stormed out at the end. I knew he was worried but I didn't want to be reprimanded by my brother. Peter smiled at me awkwardly, wishing me a good night. Remus game a kind smile and hugged me before making his way back up the stairs. Sirius stood to the side for a moment, hesitating. I looked up at him, biting my lip.

"I better not see you down here at four A.M tonight," Sirius finally said. I knew he was only half-joking.

"You won't." I shook my head, smiling at him.

He moved forward and hugged me, kissing my temple and making my heart beat faster. I hugged him back before stepping back.

"See you tomorrow, Meredith." He muttered.

"See you tomorrow," I said.

I sent them a last smile before making my way back to my dorm, leaving them alone. It was still early but I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

…..

The next few days were actually nice. The potions were working perfectly so I wouldn't fall asleep at class and I wouldn't be cranky, which meant I got to spend a lot of time with my friends without being annoyed. Lily and I even got around to talking about James. She wasn't entirely admitting to fancying him yet but I felt like she was pretty close. Remus and Mary went on a date. We definitely gossiped about that for around two hours, demanding every detail and trying to decipher what he meant by his words and actions. I even got around to telling the girls about Rosier and what had transpired between me and the Slytherins. James and Sirius already knew and the girls deserved to know. The week ended and Monday came around, making me believe from now on things would be great. Silly me. We were in the middle of Herbology when McGonagall interrupted the lecture.

"Excuse me for interrupting, Professor Sprout," Professor McGonagall said. "May Miss Potter come with me, please?" she asked, looking at me.

"Of course." Professor Sprout nodded, smiling at me to direct me to leave.

I frowned as Lily helped me gather my stuff. We were all sharing one of the big tables, so we huddled a bit closer to talk.

"What do you think that's about?" Remus asked.

"I have no idea." I honestly admitted, looking at them. "I'll tell you once it's over." I promised.

"All right." James nodded.

"We'll get the rest of the assignment for you," Sirius told me, receiving a weird look from the rest of the group.

"Thank you." I smiled before taking my bag and walking nervously toward Professor McGonagall.

She looked at me for a moment before turning and starting to walk back towards the castle. I met her eyes so briefly, I couldn't even read her emotions. My stomach clenched in worry as the silence stretched and I started to recognize where we were going; Dumbledore's office.

"Professor…" I started, too aware of my voice quavering. "What's happened? Is my family all right? Has someone gone missing?" I asked, my mind going to all the worse scenarios.

"Your family is fine, Miss Potter," Professor McGonagall said, hesitating slightly. "No one's gone missing."

My heart started to beat even faster, so much that I thought it would break out of my chest. She had said nobody had gone missing, that didn't mean they weren't in trouble. I didn't even listen to the password as she spoke to the gargoyle; the only thing I heard was the beat of my heart.

"Ah, Miss Potter, please, sit." Dumbledore signaled to one of the chairs in front of his desk.

I noticed my mother standing next to him, her mouth furrowed and a crumbled letter at her hands. By now my heart was beating so hard I was sure it couldn't be healthy.

"Is something wrong, Professor?" I asked again, hoping to have an answer this time.

When Professor Dumbledore finally spoke, calmly, trying not to scare me, my heart stopped for several seconds. I started to shake my head before he was even finished. He was lying this wasn't happening.

"No, you're lying!" I protested, continuing to shake my head.

"Mere, we're not lying. Professor Dumbledore wouldn't lie to you about something like this." My mum explained softly.

I bit my lip, looking down at my hands. It wasn't true. It couldn't be. But something in the back of my mind told me it was true. I lifted my head and tried to meet Dumbledore's eyes.

"How did it happen?" I asked. "When?"

"Mr. Prewett and his brother accompanied the Order in an important mission. The battle was thicker than they had all thought. They both fought greatly and bravely, took five Death Eaters with them, but at the end, they were hit by a killing curse." Dumbledore explained.

"Well, perhaps if your so beloved Order of the Phoenix did some planning before heading out to war, this wouldn't have happened!" I yelled, getting up from my seat and glowering at Dumbledore.

"Meredith!" My mother exclaimed but I didn't listen.

"Just because you stay here, not worrying and being man of the year, it doesn't mean people have to fight and die for you! You founded the Order, what for? So that people could die?" I demanded angrily. "Right, because we're not getting enough deaths, are we?" I asked sarcastically before grabbing my bag and turning to leave.

"Miss Potter that will cost you ten points!" Professor McGonagall scolded after me.

"Really?" I gasped, turning suddenly to look at her. "Oh, no… wait, I just remembered," I paused, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. "I don't care."

"Miss Potter!" McGonagall exclaimed, angry.

I was sure she was going to come after me but Dumbledore stopped her for some reason. I didn't care. I ran down the stairs and into the hall, fuming. It wasn't fair. The Order was supposed to be a good organization, they had the best aurors and wizard and witches. Why in hell would they let some Death Eaters win? They should be fighting them and winning this war for us. Wasn't that the point? Fighting so that the young generations of witches, wizards and muggles alike could have a better future, could live. Instead, they were losing. And now he was dead. Fabian was dead. I couldn't believe it. How could he be dead? He wasn't even 21 yet, how could he be dead? I let out a sob as I continued to run towards the Gryffindor tower. Many students passed me by and followed me with their eyes but I ignored them. I didn't stop until the portrait hole appeared in front of me. I yelled the password and rushed inside, panting.

I took in a deep breath and stumbled towards the centre of the room, where my friends were. They were all sitting in silence, Dorcas and Alice nowhere to be seen, and looking down. Did they know? Could the news have reached them before me? I walked slowly until I reached the couch where James and Sirius were sitting and let myself flop down between them.

"Meredith!" Lily exclaimed, sitting at the edge of her chair. "What happened? What did they tell you?"

I shook my head, closing my eyes shut. This was awful. I couldn't even manage the words out. Admitting them out loud would mean accepting he was dead.

"He's dead." I mumbled, my eyes still closed.

"What?"

"Who?"

That was James and Marlene, speaking loudly and at the same time. The others remained quiet, perhaps trying to swallow their own worry.

"Gideon is dead," I said, a few tears falling from my eyes. "And so is Fabian." I cried, covering my face with my hands and leaning forward to put my elbows in my knees.

"Meredith, I am so sorry." Remus consoled.

I bawled something out that I hoped sounded as a 'not your fault' but I wasn't sure. After a while, a pair of arms wrapped around me and I didn't fight the display of affection. I cried into Sirius' shoulder so much I think some of my tears passed his robe and got to his skin. He didn't seem to mind, though, and as long as he was okay with it, so was I. soon, James joined the hug and Lily and Marlene followed. At the end we became a giant hug. We stayed like that until I stopped crying.

"Are you better?" Marlene asked, squeezing my hand.

"No?" I let out a watery laugh, shaking my head.

"Right, sorry, stupid question." She flinched.

"No, don't worry about it." I sniffed and rubbed at my eye. "Oh, God, I yelled at Professor Dumbledore." I groaned. "And told McGonagall I didn't care about losing house points." I added, remembering what must have been the most foolish action ever.

"Well… she's going to murder you." James pointed out.

"No, she's not." Sirius jumped in, his arms still around me comfortingly. I didn't care. "I'll get her a chocolate frog and she'll forget Meredith even talked back. Sometimes, I think she truly fancies me." he added, thinking.

They laughed a bit, clearly trying to get me to cheer up and I allowed a small sad smile.

"Thank you," I said, looking at each one of them in the eye so they'd know I meant it.

"No problem." Lily answered.

"That's what family is here for." Remus added.

I was a bit taken aback by the accuracy of his statement. It was completely true. We were a family. We had our ups and downs but, no matter what, we were always there for each other. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

A/N: okay, guys, I'm so sorry. this is getting so depressing and sad.