Chapter 17:

They didn't let me go to the funeral because I wasn't family. Apparently dating someone for nine months didn't allow you to be considered at least someone important. That not only made me sadder but it also made me bitter. My bitterness was directed towards school and I caught on in everything that I had been procrastinating. I was still immensely sad, though, and I kind of withdraw a bit from the group but we didn't separate completely. My birthday would fall on a Friday, which would have made me incredibly happy if it wasn't because I was mourning. My friends didn't seem to get that. They thought that a party would keep my mind off of things. I didn't argue with them, instead, I let them plan away. I wanted them to be happy, or as happy as one could be in times of war, and if a party made them happy then so be it. That's how I ended up alone in the library on Wednesday afternoon, a huge feeling of déjà-vu falling upon me when I realized I was in the same table I had been when I had followed the Slytherins and almost gotten raped. I paid no mind to it, though. I simply focused on my Ancient Runes notebook and the piece of parchment laying next to it. God, I was never going to finish this assignment. It didn't help, either, the fact that I had fallen asleep during this particular class. I shook my head and took my quill, ready to talk my way through this essay even if I ended up saying nothing but writing miles. My hand frozen, however, when I saw a small paragraph that had been scribbled by the side of the page. I frowned and turned the book over, trying to make it out. I didn't remember writing that. My blood frozen when I finally made out what it said and I immediately gathered up my stuff, putting my robe on and my bag over my shoulder, the notebook firmly in my hands. I glanced at my watch as I exited the library hurriedly.

I reached the Quidditch Pitch fifteen minutes later, panting and squinting at the top of the Pitch, where the brooms were flying. I spotted him immediately, used to doing so from years past. Sirius was near the poles, trying to goal. My eyes darted around the rest of the Pitch, realizing they were just about to finish practice. Curiously, there were close to no fanatic girls in the bleachers. I went to the first road of bleachers and sat down, anxiously waiting for practice to end. My fingers tapped against the notebook as I looked up, tightening my scarf around my neck. The moment the team lowered to the ground and started to make their way to the changing rooms, I sprung to my feet and walked down the bleachers as fast as possible without looking too desperate.

"So, I think if we do the tactic James wisely suggested, we'll be able to beat Hufflepuff next Saturday." The captain's voice reached me as I got closer to the door.

That was then I realized they were probably changing or in the mid of, I should probably just wait outside, but I needed to speak to Sirius. I really did. So, with all the resolution of the world, I walked into the changing rooms. The keeper let out such an unmanly shriek when he saw me I collapsed into a million giggles. It brought the attention of one of the female members, a seventh year redhead whose name I could not remember, who peeked through one side of the curtain separating their changing rooms with the boy's and laughed loudly at the keeper's face.

"Hi, Meredith!" she waved before going back to the girl's changing room.

"Meredith!" Geller, the captain and seeker of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team exclaimed, smiling at me and throwing a towel at the keeper who was still staring at me. "You want me to call James for you?"

"Um… no, actually, I'm looking for Sirius." I informed, looking over his shoulder to try and see if I could find said Gryffindor.

"Oh, he's near the back, I'll call him for you." Geller smiled before turning and walking a few steps. He couldn't even be four steps away from me when he put his hands close to his mouth and yelled: "Oi, Black! Your girlfriend is here!"

I heard a loud 'clang!' and some cursing accompanied by very loud laughter before Sirius came out of the back, rubbing at the back of his head and with his uniform on. Well, halfway on. He had his pants and white shirt, with the first two buttons and his tie undone. His robe and bag nowhere to be seen.

"I'll leave you two to it." Geller smirked at me, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Bugger off, Geller." Sirius shoved him away a bit. He smiled at me then but his eyebrows dipped down a bit when he saw I wasn't exactly enjoying the chat. Not that I minded the teasing, I was surprised to find out I found it was incredibly familiar and nice and I could use 'familiar and nice' in my life right now. He took two strides towards me and his hand found my elbow. "Let's go outside," He told me.

I nodded mutely before following him outside. The wind blew at his face and forced his hair back and into his face. He lifted a hand and ran his fingers through it, trying to stop it from getting into his eyes. I looked away before he could realize I was beginning to stare, my heart racing. We walked towards the bleachers, going to the top and sitting down so we wouldn't be interrupted. We didn't even agree to it. It simply happened, like we were thinking the same thing at the same time.

"I wanted to show you this," I said once we were settled and facing each other. I handed him the notebook on the page the scribbling was in. "I thought you might find it… interesting." I added, looking up at him and trying to make out his expression.

His eyebrows dipped down as he squinted at the scribble, clearly not understanding it. I had had trouble reading what it said at first too. The handwriting was incredibly poor. But after a few minutes, his eyes widened and then his eyebrows scrunched up again, the meaning of the words sinking in. I watched him intently, my eyes not wavering from his face. My heart was beating hard against my chest as the still cold wind hit us both in the face but I didn't pay mind to it. All of my focus was on this reaction. I needed to see if he saw what I had seen.

"What's this?" he questioned, looking at me and back down again at the book.

"You know what it is." I replied instantly, not even blinking.

"Meredith, you could have written this after it happened." He denied, shaking his head.

"No," I said, taking the notebook from him and showing him the top of the page, where the date was in loopy handwriting. "See? I wrote this the day I was sent to the Hospital Wing. And you see where the scribble is? Right in the middle, right after I fell asleep. Sirius, I fell asleep with my quill in my hand. I wrote down my dream."

He ran a hand through his eyes, nodding. "Yes, all right, that sounds bad. But you don't actually think—?"

"Of course I actually think!" I shrieked, widening my eyes. "It's just like before, same pattern, same rhyme, same bloody everything."

"But, Meredith, that would mean you wrote a prophecy. And not only that, but it would also mean you not only wrote one down but that you have written several prophecies in the past. Have you any idea of how bad this is?" Sirius asked, lifting the book up in the air to stress how bad it was what I had written.

"I know." I nodded. "And that leads to this question… what if… what if taking the sleeping potions is wrong? What if all my nightmares are visions of some sorts, which I am now ignoring because of the potion?" I asked, alarmed.

"Then you'll never have a vision again." Sirius answered immediately.

"But, Sirius, it's not the first time. And I've been having nightmares since I have a memory. When I was five I dreamed nana died and she did! Two weeks later! My mother was terrified! And I have been dreaming about this huge black shaggy dog that I swear to God looks a lot like the grim for three years now. That cannot be a good thing." I explained, looking at the Pitch and not noticing Sirius' reaction to my speech. "Maybe… maybe if I go to sleep and embrace these nightmares, I'll be able to remember them correctly in the morning and perhaps distinguish which is a vision and which a night terror." I finished, biting my lip. The prospect of having to relive those nightmares already scaring me to my very core. I hated it, being so scared of my own mind.

"Or maybe you'll end up completely sleep deprived and you would fall ill. I'm not having that, Meredith." Sirius snapped. I jumped slightly and turned to look at him. His jaw was set and his eyes were dark as he looked at the horizon. "I'd rather nobody ever knows about this prophecies, guessings, visions, whatever you wanna call them—I'd rather that than having to see you laying in a bed, looking like you're about to die." He added, his dark grey eyes turning to meet mine.

I was completely moved by the worry reflected in them. He was still angry at me, though, for wanting to go back to that awful routine I had endured since Christmas.

"Sirius," I started, speaking softly, trying to show him I actually appreciated the concern. "What if I can save someone next time?"

"You can't save everyone." He shook his head.

"I can try." I defied, voice hardening. "What if next time it's Remus? Or Marlene? James?" he broke eye contact, still shaking his head, his leg going up and down to try and distract himself. "What if it's you?" I asked when I realized nothing was truly working. Without even thinking, I grabbed his hand. "You can't see me lying in a hospital bed again? I can't see you dead. Especially knowing that I could have stopped it, because I would look like I'm about to die but you would be dead for real," I told him, surprising even myself by how honest that statement was. But it was the truth. I couldn't even bare the idea of Sirius dying. I had lost Fabian already; I could not lose him too. It would be too much. I would go out of my mind.

"Then it's settled." He mumbled after a while, his fingers curling around my hand. "You'll continue to drink your Sleeping Draught and I will not die."

"You can't promise me that." I let out a small laugh, shaking my head at him.

"Yes, I can." He protested, turning to face me fully. Our knees touched. "Meredith Potter, I promise you I won't die. See? Promised," Sirius said.

I looked down, breaking eye contact, and pressed my lips together in a thin line so I wouldn't smile. I wasn't supposed to smile; I was supposed to be mad at him. But, truly, he was right. I couldn't continue like this. And, okay, I had predicted multiple things in the past but not all of them had come to pass. Perhaps some of them never would and, besides, I couldn't save everyone sadly. I could try and help the Order win the war and I would do that. Also, not everything I dreamed about was bad. We were just going through tough times. Some things I had predicted were very nice and happy, only one of them had happened but I had faith that all the others would come to pass too. I fought a shiver when the air hit us again and I remembered Sirius was only half dressed. He had no sweater, no vest, no scarf, nothing. My left hand immediately went up to my neck as I took my scarf off of my neck. I stopped holding Sirius' hand and reached out to wrap my scarf around his neck, making sure it covered him perfectly.

"What are you doing, Potter?" Sirius asked, his hand halfway up to his neck to remove the scarf.

"Keeping you warm, Black." I slapped his hand away, sending him a small smile. "You can't keep your promise if you get sick."

"Nobody has ever died from a cold." He replied, letting out a loud laugh.

"Oh, shut up." I laughed as well. "Just humor me, all right?" I requested.

He didn't say anything and we sat together, in comfortable silence, for a few moments. I was done talking but I didn't want to leave yet. That wasn't okay. Yes, I was attracted to Sirius but I couldn't start to want to be with him. My boyfriend had just died and my heart had broken because of it. I would cry if I thought too much about it. I couldn't develop none-platonic feelings toward Sirius Black of all people, who I knew would most likely break my heart again, who I knew could die even if he told me he wouldn't. One did not decide when it was time to die.

"How are you?" I asked.

"I'm great." Sirius cleared his throat, clearly not 'great'.

"Yeah," I scoffed. "That sounded fantastic."

"My uncle…" he started, scratching his neck. "My uncle Alphard is sick with Scrofungulus; the healers say they can't save him. I found out because Regulus told me, strangely. Apparently Mother doesn't believe that important enough to owl me."

Scrofungulus was a very dangerous disease, incredibly hard to heal unless it was found on time. Besides that, it was highly contagious. My chest constricted in sympathy and my hand found its way into Sirius' hand again.

"I'm sorry," I said, truly meaning it.

Alphard Black was a very nice wizard. He loved his family with all his heart and he never stopped talking to Sirius after he ran away from home. He was never rude to Sirius because he wasn't sorted into Slytherin. And now Sirius was about to lose the one member of his family who hadn't turned their back on him. Why was it that the nice people died and the monsters survived? The universe was strange like that.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too." He ran his other hand down his face, sighing.

"Oi! Padfoot, Mere!" James' voice made us turn around to face the Pitch again. He was waving at us, arms flailing in the air. "Come down, mate!" James urged Sirius.

"I'll be there in a minute, Prongs!" Sirius yelled back. "I've got to go," He told me, giving me a smile. His grey eyes were still sad, though.

"All right." I nodded. "I'm going to bring this to Dumbledore… and apologize for my previous behavior." I shared my thoughts with him as we got up and started to make our way down.

"Good, let me know what he says."

"Will do."

With that we fell into silence and only when it was time for us to part did I realize we were still holding hands. Our eyes met and we awkwardly let go of each other. James sent us a cheeky smile, which I ignored, and I left, trying to come up with something to tell Professor Dumbledore. The professor accepted my apology faster than I ever thought he would and then I proceeded to show him the cursed piece of paper. He mulled the words over and I knew, even if he continued to look at me with calm sparkly eyes, he was unnerved. Sadly, he told me there was nothing to do. A prophecy once made was written in stone. It would happen. Changing the course of time, changing the future, could bring awful consequences, it could change history even.

So that's how I ended up alone in the Common Room, staring at the fire, the ripped out page of my notebook in my hands, now slightly crumbled. I wanted to cry but tears would not come. It was okay, though. I had to be strong and for that I had to stop crying. There'd be plenty of crying in the future, of that I was certain. My hands closed around the piece of paper, gripping it tightly. I wondered why of all the powerful people in my family, it was I who had ended up with the burden of possessing the Sight. Sirius was right, though, there was no way I was going to suffer for something I could not stop. This had been a part of me since I was born and it would walk with me until the day I died, which meant I would have to come to terms with it. Yes, I'd probably see things I never wished to see again, I'd probably know we'd be struck by great grief before it even came to pass. But that's how it worked and I had to accept it. Accept it and move on. So, with a new determination I never thought myself capable of possessing, I got up and walked to stand right in front of the hearth. My hands let go of the page and I watched as the paper crumbled and hissed as it burned. The words started to fade and burn soon, the paper turning red and black in the most alluring and precarious way. Even if the physical form of what I had predicted was destroyed forever, the words were still burned to the back of my mind.

In a fight against twelve
Two shall fall
Taking five others with them down
To both sides
A great lost to bear
It will be
And a thirst for blood
It shall unleash.

…

The days passed and my birthday arrived sooner than I ever thought possible. I couldn't believe I was 17; I was finally off-age. Funnily enough, I didn't feel any different. I went down to the Gryffindor Common Room early in the morning, hoping to find it desolated. Here I was, adding a year to my life, while others were having that right taken away from them. It wasn't fair and that was the reason why I hadn't wanted to celebrate my birthday this year. Instead of finding the Common Room devoid of any form of life, I found it filled with my closest friends and family. Delilah was the first to jump at the opportunity to hug the living daylights out of me.

"Happy Birthday, Mere!" she exclaimed.

"Thank you, sweetie." I laughed, hugging her back. She had grown since the last time I saw her, which now that I thought of it, had been quite a long time ago. She reached my shoulder already.

"Happy Birthday, sister." Christian was next. Ariadne, close behind. "Finally seventeen, eh?"

"Thank you." I smiled, giving him a kiss on the cheek and hugging my older sister. "And don't tease me about my age. I can finally get revenge on you the right way when we're back at home." I joked.

"As if you could defeat me." Christian retorted and I knew the small tension that had been between us since my staying at the Hospital Wing was finally gone.

James was next, hugging me tightly and even going as far as to twirl me around a bit. The shriek that left my mouth was not human, of that I was certain. Everybody laughed at my expense but it didn't bother me and I laughed along with them. Alice and Mary hugged me at the same time, wishing me a happy birthday again. They had already done so at our dorm. Dorcas was next and then Peter, who looked down the moment I made eye contact with him. That bothered me, mostly because I knew if a person avoids meeting your eyes, it's because they're hiding something. But I couldn't imagine what chubby goofy Peter Pettigrew could have to hide. I didn't think too much about it as I hugged Remus and then Marlene.

"You couldn't have given me a heads-up, uh?" I muttered to Lily when she hugged me.

"Sorry, they asked not to." She apologized, not looking sorry at all. "They wanted it to be a surprise and judging by the look in your face I'd say it worked."

"You are so enjoying this." I accused, narrowing my eyes at her.

"Maybe." Lily drawled, smiling like a maniac.

I laughed and shook my head, turning around to face Sirius. He gave me a crooked smile that made my heart flutter and hugged me, pressing a kiss to my cheek as he did so.

"Happy Birthday, Potter," he said, his tone incredibly light.

"Thank you." I replied, giving him a kiss on the cheek to show my gratitude. "So how much am I going to regret letting you guys throw me a party?" I asked him, raising a brow.

"You'll have to wait 'til then to find out." Sirius answered, letting his arm circle my shoulders as he let me out of the Common Room.

"Ugh, I hate you." I complained, shaking my head but smiling anyway.

…

I regretted it big time for more reasons than one. It was nice, though, how much thought they had put into it all, but it was still so much more than I had asked for. All I had wanted was a quiet evening with the people I loved. Instead, I got a loud party with lots of people, most of them I didn't even know. People yelled 'happy birthday' at me as they passed me, most of them not meaning the words at all. They were simply happy to be able to attend one of the infamous Gryffindor parties. I still laughed and danced with my friends but never accepted or urged on any of the advances several boys made at me. Did they have no respect? Did they not know I had just lost my boyfriend, who I had cared about a lot? Apparently they didn't care. It soured the evening a bit. There were tons of snacks, though, and that made me incredibly happy. For most of the evening I simply sat by the snacks table, eating chocolate as I talked to Lily and Remus. I was eventually left alone, though, because Remus went to look for Mary and Lily, surprisingly, left me to go talk to James. That was a small birthday gift on itself. I still hoped James and Lily would end up together. I was looking at them talking near the fire when I realized I wasn't alone anymore. I turned to see Sirius had joined me and was watching our friends as well.

"They're idiots." He commented, shaking his head.

"You mean because they're totally in love with each other but still not together?" I asked, eating the last bit of chocolate that I was holding. "Yeah, I agree."

"Did you come to regret this?" he asked suddenly. I frowned, looking up at him. "The party, I mean."

"Oh." I realized. I wanted to say yes, I really did, but he actually looked a bit nervous. So I lied. "Not at all. I actually like it."

"Good." He nodded. "It's actually great." Sirius added, smiling.

I averted his eyes, frowning. Oh, I knew what his 'great' meant. He always said that after he'd hooked up with some girl. He always did that in parties. I shook my head and ignored the wave of jealousy that fell upon me.

"What?" he asked, obviously noticing my mood swing.

"Nothing." I mumbled. "I'm leaving." I announced, walking away before he even got a word out.

I was talking to Marlene, near the stairs to the dorms, about some gossip going around that a Ravenclaw seventh year girl had actually gotten pregnant, when Sirius found me again. I internally groaned. I had stormed off around an hour ago; I thought he had let it go.

"What was that about?" he demanded, not even bothering to acknowledge Marlene.

"What?" I asked.

"That! You got angry and stormed off." Sirius accused.

"Um…" Marlene started, snapping me and Sirius out of our glaring contest. "I think I'm going to…" she trailed off, simply turning around and walking away.

I sighed and ran a hand through my straightened hair. "Never mind that," I said. "Just go back to having a 'great' time with some girl. See if I care." I waved him off, staring to walk past him.

He grabbed my hand, though, stopping me from walking away. It was so sudden, I turned back, surprised. I hadn't expected him to stop me; I thought he'd actually follow my advice. He was frowning and when I met his eyes they were a dark grey.

"Is that why you left?" Sirius asked me. I couldn't answer him. I simply stared. "Meredith… are you jealous?"

"No, I'm not." Only when the words were out of my mouth did I realize I had spoken way too quickly. Fuck.

"Yes, you are." Sirius took a step forward. By now we were within a hand's reach from one another.

"I am not jealous!" I exclaimed. "You know nothing."

"Yes, I do. I know you're lying," he said.

I looked up, eyes suddenly widened as I looked into his eyes. My heart was beating incredibly hard against my ribcage. How the hell did I get out of here? I couldn't see an exit to this situation.

"Shut up." I mumbled lamely.

He did. We stared at each other, our eyes locked all the time. I saw the change before it happened and I could swear my heart stopped. The energy changed, the room seemed to go silent around us and his eyes went from the hard steely grey to a soft warm shade. My stomach clenched and my heart skipped a bit before beating even harder than before. I had a small flashback to the incident in the lake, how he had nearly kissed me, and I knew he would do it this time. I did nothing to stop him. He brought me forward and pressed his lips to mine, softly. I knew it was wrong, I knew I shouldn't, but I kissed him back anyway. My hands went to his hair, knotting in-between his dark locks. His arms circled my waist as the kiss deepened, filled with a passion I hadn't experienced in months. It was pure bliss. The fact that everyone was watching us or that I could simply be one more name added to his list didn't even cross my mind.