As Expected He Was More Warped Than Most
"I'm really sorry about earlier. You looked like someone I knew from before." She apologized, clearly embarrassed by her mistake. With her husband gone to the restroom to freshen up. It was just the two of them in the living room. Being left alone with a man she had never met before, one with eyes like his no less made her uncomfortable.
"I don't mean to be rude but can you tell me more about this person?" Despite knowing her discomfort, he asked a potentially personal question. It couldn't be helped. This was the first time he had got the reaction he had always desired out of someone.
Kotomine Hachiman rode through the late night streets of Chiba. His face showed an expression of complete and utter stoicism. However, his 'emotions' were in a sense of complete and utter disarray. Thinking was difficult. Even breathing was difficult. His body only mimicked the motion of riding a bicycle. Where he was going he didn't even know. The only thing repeating in his head right now were the words of a woman whose name he failed to remember at the moment. The clouds above him passed by, hiding the moon from view every so often.
"Well, it's been years so I can't really remember much. What do you want to know?" confused by his interest in a person she hadn't seen in years, the unease she felt began to fade.
"When did you last see this 'Hikigaya'? How.. How was he... as a person?" he hesitated just a little.
How long had it been... since he started this 'search'? How long had it been... since he wondered why he was so 'abnormal'? How long had it been... since he started longing for a sense of purpose? He couldn't remember. He never really kept track.
"About... Ten(?) years ago I think? No around Seven years or so. That was my first year as a kindergarten teacher. The first time I met him was when he came to school for Jugyou Sankan(Parent's Day) because his wife couldn't make it. He was just an average salary man as far as I remember. I can't say much for his personality since he was just the father of one of my students."
The Hikigaya they were talking about was an adult? His hope dwindled. But wait. "Father of one of your students? He had kids?"
No, to be more... accurate. He couldn't remember keeping track. Maybe he did once upon a time. When working for money and basic necessities wasn't required nor crossed his mind.
"Two actually. A boy and a girl. The boy was older. The girl was in my class." she sounded a little sad when she mentioned the boy.
His breath hitched. "His children... Did they get along?" He didn't know why needed to know. He just did.
It was comedic really, the first portion of his 'life' he had almost all the free time one could ever ask for. Next thing he knew, save for the holidays, free time was the one thing he could never get a hold of.
"For a while, instead of playing with his friends he would come by -"
Friends? The brother had friends? That was hard to believe for some reason
And before he knew it, the sole reason he even came to this part of the country had faded into the background. Coming in second to scraping the last grains of rice in the rice cooker for sustenance. Come to think of it, when was the last time he did anything to further his cause of finding his previous self? Even remotely?
"- and wait for his sister to finish playing with her friends so the two of them could go home together. It was adorable honestly."
Some of his co-workers had tended to complain about how 'real life' got in the way of things and how they were unable to achieve the things they always wanted to because of it. He never really understood it then. Now he did.
"After a while he stopped for some reason. I didn't really understand why that happened and she got really upset because of it. About a month later she got better, I didn't understand why until she said her favorite person in the world was her Onii-chan cause he would always wait for her at home. It was so precious that I've been dreaming of having kids ever since." she coo'd at the memory.
"The sister... Her name wouldn't happen to be Hikigaya Komachi would it?" he asked. His heartbeat hastened.
"Y-Yes! How did you know?"" she seemed shocked by his question.
Then again, he didn't really expect having to work AND going to school would end up taking that much time. It was an oversight he just wasn't able to for see at the time.
"You remember her name?" he asked. It had been years since the woman had last since the girl. Memories tended to get blurry over time, which may have been the reason why she mistook him for the father of Hikigaya Komachi. Names stayed longer in one's memory. They tended to do that.
"How can I not?" a depressed sigh came from her. "I still remember the first day she didn't come to school after her brother died."
He blinked. "Her brother... died?"
Who would have thought that simply trying to survive was so hard? Especially without having any real knowledge or skills to help with it? Back then, he had the body of an average teen that didn't have to lift a single finger aside doing chores. Back then juggling different responsibilities, necessities and desires seemed so unnecessary. And for that reason he didn't. Looking back, half of his days as a middle school student felt like such a waste... no, were wasted. All that time, sitting in his 'home' doing absolutely nothing except chores, homework and staring at the wall. All of it could have been used to further his 'search'. Maybe if he did then he would have gotten this 'lead' long ago.
Maybe he would have been free of this 'self' by now.
"Yes. I don't remember the exact specifics but I think it was about some sort of... fire? They didn't even manage to recover his body."
His eyes widened. He was found in the aftermath of a fire.
He probably could have started at high school. But for that to happen he would have had to drop out of school. And by doing so, be unable to make friends out of Haruno, Shizuka and Yoshiteru. And lose the experiences and knowledge he had gathered these past couple of years. Was gaining the knowledge of his previous self and becoming 'normal' in the process worth losing all that?
"I see..." He wasn't sure how to feel about that. "This boy. What was his name?"
"I think it was Hac-"
The woman's voice disappeared when the front tire of Hachiman' bicycle suddenly jerked up. He managed to get a glimpse of the road underneath him. The passing image an miniature hill like structure on the road registered in his brain in that moment. It wasn't hard to figure out what happened.
He just rode full speed onto a speed bump...
The grip he had on the handles were already loose due to the lack of proper focus but he managed to hold on. Yet still he lost control of his bicycle for a few moments. And ultimately those moments had caused him to hit an utility pole. The resulting crash ended with him on the ground, a couple of bruises on his right knee and elbows. He grunted in annoyance. The stinging sensation from the bruises were not of importance. But it was clear that he wouldn't be able to get anything done like this. A long exhale later his eyes opened.
He knew what to now. Where to go.
His bicycle was still in good shape so he picked it back up and got on, not even bothering to wipe off the dust that had gotten on him after the fall, he rode off towards the Hikigaya residence.
'It's early.' He thought. The moon hadn't been directly above him since he left work. 'Would it look too suspicious if I go at this hour?' No, that was a stupid question. A visit from what was basically a stranger a few hours shy of sunrise would definitely be unsettling.
He would still go, nothing could deter him from confronting the Hikigaya family about this. Even the thought of getting called the police on him meant nothing to him. His conviction was strong.
-Hikigaya Residence-
But not strong enough apparently.
Once again he stood in front of the Hikigaya home. And just like last time, he was hesitating to press the doorbell.
'Would they even be awake at this hour?' he thought to himself, his finger inches away from the doorbell. He knew that was an excuse. His hesitation trying to persuade him into turning back. But why? He knew he wanted to do this more than anything else right now. 'Then why?..' Then why was he hesitating?
His body was rejecting his mind. That... happened only a handful of times in the past. Like when he needed to study a little longer or work some extra hours. Or even abstain from some of his more 'natural urges'. There were two ways to deal with this. One was giving into his body's desire and the other was to-
He slammed his entire torso onto the doorbell and fell on the ground. After getting up he rubbed the side he attacked it with. 'Why must so many of my problems end with me getting physically hurt?' He knew he wasn't the smartest around, or even 'smart' in general, and he did just force his body to comply to his mind but he was certain that he was no brute. He really did have terrible luck didn't he?
The sound of the doorbell ringing whispered in his ear. He probably wouldn't have heard it if it weren't for his keen sense of hearing and the lack of noise from literally everything else. Silence followed. 'They are probably asleep.' At this hour that went without saying. His courage and something else he couldn't quite describe strengthened. He pressed it again. This time without hurting again.
Nothing.
Courage weakened. The other thing increased. Whatever this other thing was, it irritated him greatly. He pressed again. No response.
The feeling intensified. Heartbeat hastened. He scowled. The frustration caused by this unknown feeling was starting to get to him. His body shivered but not because of the early winter breeze. He took a deep breath. Confronting anyone about anything in his current 'condition' wasn't going to do him any favors.
"Haaaaaaah." after losing his eyes he took a deep breath. His mind cleared. The unknown feeling had disappeared as if it hadn't even been there to begin with. His hand rose to press the doorbell once before he could complete the action, the sound of a door opening came to his ears. His head turned to the door so fast his neck hurt. The unknown feeling returned, tenfold in intensity.
"Onii-chan...?" she asked. She looked confused at his presence at this hour. Why did she open the door instead of her parents? Such a thing was dangerous at this hour for a young girl to do. Was her parents still at work?
He took a step back involuntarily but resisted the urge to turn tails and run off. A lump in his throat stopped any and all noises from escaping his lips. The confusion on her face and tone was justified. There were dark bags under her eyes indicated the lack of sleep accumulated over numerous days spent sleeping less than what her body required. Most likely because that illness she had caught.
"What are you doing here? At this hour?" the sleep deprivation in her voice was as clear as her confusion.
In this moment, Anime and Dramas would usually have the main character freak out, having them realize that they hadn't quite planned things out this far. Of not knowing what to do after coming so close to their goals and/or after achieving it.
Fortunately this wasn't an Anime nor a Drama. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Seven years ago, in Kyushu, there was a fire that took the lives of five hundred people." The confusion on her face remained. "I am one of the few survivors still alive. When I came to, I didn't have any memories." He placed a hand on the small door in front of him. "The doctor said I have amnesia." Her eyes widened at his declaration. "Before that day... Before that fire... Was I... Was I Hikigaya Hachiman?" Finally, the one question he had always desired to ask someone was out there.
"W-What?" she took a step back.
Hachiman opened the outer door to the Hikigaya residence. "Am I Hikigaya Hachiman?" He walked closer to her.
"I... I don't..." she stuttered as her legs gave away from under her. Her eyes watered at the mere prospect of finding something she had accepted to have lost long ago.
"Please..." kneeling in front of her, he placed each of his lands on her shoulders, there was no real strength behind his grip. Had his attention not been on her then he would surely have been surprised by the gentleness of his grasp. "I have to... I need to know." The ahoge on his head twitched. As if agreeing with him. 'So that's what this is.' Desperation, he finally realized that unknown feeling as. It leaked from his words like a bleeding wound.
He could speak with certainly that he disliked it greatly.
Tears spilled from her eyes, the sharpness of his own disappeared only to be replaced by ones as gentle as his grip on her shoulders. For a brief moment they saw something that wasn't there.
For Komachi it was the image of a young boy, kneeling in front of her at arms length, asking why she ran away from home.
For Hachiman, it was of a little girl, crying as she spoke of how she hated returning to an empty house.
"Onii-chan.. Is it... Is it really you?" she asked, her voice just above a whisper.
The features of his normally stoic expression softened to a degree never seen before, a smile graced his lips. A relieved, genuine and happy smile. "... I'm home, Komachi."
She didn't reply. The tears in her eyes and even the look of pure happiness in her face disappeared from view as she dove into his chest, sobbing as she did so. "... Welcome back."
He wrapped his arms around her. One running through her hair affectionately while the other held her close. A foreign yet somehow familiar feeling blossomed in his heart. It was the same thing he felt when he held her at the Cultural Festival for those brief moments when the banner fell upon them. He liked it. More than her smiles. He held her tighter. Just enough to remind him that this was all real and not some fantasy his desperation had conjured up. Nowhere near enough to hurt her though, he doubted he could forgive himself if he did that. Her sobs were loud. If anyone were to overhear then they would certainly get the wrong idea. But that was okay, Hachiman didn't care about it in the least. And for the first time in his 'life':
Not caring... was a good thing.
-Later-
Kotomine... 'Hikigaya' Hachiman rode to a school. The morning sun shone brilliantly in the sky. Despite the bags under his eyes due to not sleeping an entire night his face held the barest semblances of a smile as he replayed the events of the morning again in his head. Having never smiled for this long made the muscles of his face start to ache, but he was okay with that. It was but a small price to pay for salvation, no?
A couple short hours after the revelation of his true heritage, Komachi'... his... 'parents' arrived. Tired and barely awake. When they entered their home and saw him they were reasonably alarmed. Thinking him to be a thief, if not worse. At the time Komachi had fallen asleep on his lap, tired from all the crying she had been doing. After his... 'parents' finally calmed down and got a better look at him they-
He felt a sudden weight on his back. "Hey, don't fall asleep now."
"#_!?" Komachi made a sound he couldn't quite put to words. "Sorry Onii-chan. I'm still really tired."
"Hm." he nodded in understanding. Among other things, if he wasn't used to late nights at work and then he too would have been struggling to stay awake right now. "We're almost there."
"Hmp." he heard her pout. "Why do I have to go to school today anyway? I mean... You're finally..." The grip she had on his shirt got tighter.
Hachiman frowned. Even though it was his idea, truthfully a part of him too wished she didn't to go to school today. But she had already spent too many days skipping school. Their parents agreed that she should stop skipping school. "Studying is important. You won't be able to get anywhere in life without a decent education." The irony wasn't lost to him. After all, he had no intention of going to college. For now at least.
"Does it really matter?" her dismissive line did not match her joking tone. "I'm gonna get married to some guy that would earn all the money I'll need anyway."
"Ah..." His groan matched her joking tone. At least he thought it did. "If only I had that same luxury." After all, being a house husband is still his 'desired occupation'.
She burst into giggles. The smile on his face widened a bit. His bicycle slowed as they reached Komachi' middle school. "Okay, you want me to pick you up after school?" he asked, his 'parents' wanted him to stay with them today. Heck they even wanted him to move in already. He managed to avoid answering that question. Because that place... it still...
"That would be great!" she got off the 'passenger' seat. Her excited words drew more than a few pair of eyes to their direction. To Hachiman this meant nothing but to Komachi who was a member of the Student Council this could easily start a nasty rumor. "Come back exactly at Three Thirty PM Onii-chan. I'll be done with Student Council work by then." 'Onii-chan' was uttered a little louder than the rest of the words of that sentence.
Hachiman raised a brow but did not comment on her odd behavior. He nodded. "Hmm." She walked to the school building, waving at him one last time as he did. The smile on his face disappeared. He desperately needed proper rest. Unfortunately that was simply not possible with his current thoughts and emotions. He decided to head to his apartment.
He made it without any incidents nor being sidetracked by anything or anyone. Then again, such were rare for him. The inside of his apartment was the same way he had left it yesterday, albeit a little dustier than yesterday. He entered his room to spot an open window. "Odd..." he muttered. He was positive that he had closed all the windows when he left. He hadn't made a mistake like this in months. 'No matter.' He lived on the Fourth floor so unless a someone knew how to fly or jump at least fifteen meters, breaking and entering without anyone noticing would have been impossible. And last he checked, people didn't have wings nor jump that high. Not normal people at least... He stopped for a moment to rethink that line of thought.
Then closed the window.
He was tired but sleep couldn't come to him. Yet he still propped down on his bed and let out a drawn out sigh. "I am-" He finally found his true identity. "-Hikigaya Hachiman." That was his name. His real name. Even though it sounded far better, fitting even, than 'Kotomine Hachiman'. It felt odd. Hikigaya Hachiman felt wrong. To him at least. That was the conclusion he came to. But why? Was it because he just didn't 'like' the name 'Hikigaya'? Or was it because he had gotten too used to 'Kotomine Hachiman'? He couldn't say for certain. All he knew was that it was finally over. It took him nearly a decade but he finally did it. He closed his eyes in a vain attempt to get some sleep. 'All that's left to do now.'
Was to wait.
He sat next to her. The her in question was a woman in her mid forties. She was somewhat, as odd as it sounded coming from him, 'cute'. Actually, she looked like an older Komachi. He supposed that was the reason why she looked so 'cute'. The resemblance was so uncanny that it unsettled him even. This woman was his... 'mother'. Currently she was holding onto him tightly just like Komachi had been till she fell asleep crying. With his head in the crook of her neck he heard her whispering one apology after another. She was a caring mother. He didn't have to understand emotions to know that. Strands of his hair were soaked by her tears. That didn't really bother him though. All this excessive physical contact on the other hand though...
"I shouldn't have let you go that day." she said. He kept silent. "I'm sorry." Mostly because he wasn't sure what to say. What if he said something that would make her feel bad?
Then again, that would be entert- He stopped that line of thought and shut it out completely. He was close to becoming normal now. He shouldn't be indulging such thou-
"Honey" a voice interrupted his line of thoughts along with his mother's apologies. "I've put Komachi to bed. You should get some sleep too."
The woman let him go. Her eyes were red from the tears she shed. The two of them turned their heads to the man that interrupted them. He had short black hair eyes like that of a dead fish.
The man was Hachiman' 'father'. When Hachiman first laid eyes on him It almost stunned Hachiman how similar he looked to that man. If he had any doubts within him about all of this then they would have all fled the moment their eyes met. 'Is god running out of facial blueprints?' That was a joke made from a small observation point. He and Komachi looked like their parents. Yukinoshita Yukino and Yuigahama Yui looked like their mothers. If Yoshiteru was here he would have made a comment about clones or something.
"B-But.." his mother was distraught at the thought of her son. "Hachi-kun..."
"It'll be alright." the man smiled at his wife then glanced at Hachiman. "I would like to talk to him for a moment. Father to son."
The way he said it made Hachiman wonder what the man wanted to say. 'Is it about...?' His eyes widened a bit. If it was that then it would make sense for the man to not want his wife hear it. "He is correct. You look tired." He told her and in his defense she actually did. "You need your rest. I'll still be here when you wake up."
The woman stared at her husband, she knew how desperately the man needed this but..."I..." she wanted to protest but relented. "Alright. But you better be here when I wake up. I'll make a big breakfast for all of us." she kissed his forehead, an action he had seen many mother's do to their children both in real life and in fiction. He supposed it was a show of affection of some sort. She let go after one last hug and went upstairs.
The two men sporting near identical faces watched her leave before turning to each other. The older man went towards Hachiman and sat down on the other end of the couch. They stared unblinkingly and before Hachiman knew it, a staring cont-
"Hachiman... Son..." His father broke the silence and looked down. There was guilt in his face. "I'm sorry."
Hachiman frowned. His father's action of breaking eye contact heavily disappointed him for some reason. The apology meant little to him. After all- "I told you already' didn't I? I have no memories of Hikigaya Hachiman. So I don't know what you did for you to apologize to me. It is unnecessary."
Now it was his father's turn to frown. "No. It IS necessary. Hachiman, you don't remember this but I... I was a terrible father to you. Heck I was the one to send you there to begin with."
Hachiman raised a brow but said nothing, allowing the man to continue talking.
"When I was little, My Otou-san resented me for my eyes. I didn't know why, I still don't. He would always pay more attention to my Nii-san more than me. Praise him more than me. Tell me that I didn't deserve this 'gift'. When I look at you, I keep remembering those days. And in my resentment for my father I ended up doing the same to you." he sounded ashamed of himself. "If I... If I had just been a better father then maybe..." he sighed then formed a bitter smile on his face. ".. our family wouldn't have had to suffer these past few years." the regret in his words were telling. All of us missed you a great deal."
It was a touching thing to hear... Yet the expression on his face remained impassive. The heartfelt words of a man who was clearly not used to sharing his emotions didn't reach him. And that made Hachiman frown. A question rose in his thoughts. "Nii-san? You have a brother?" He had an uncle?
"..." the man opened his mouth to speak, only to stop before any noise came out. He closed his eyes as if the very act of speaking brought him pain. "Y-Yes." His hesitation intrigued Hachiman. "We... meet a couple of times each year. I try to talk to him, he doesn't talk back though. Can't really blame him for that. Then again, he can't really talk back even if he wanted to."
"I see..." Hachiman connected the dots. "So He's dead." Only after saying it did he realize that it was an insensitive thing to mention. But it was too late. His father's breath hitched. Seconds of tense silence later his father took a deep breath. And exhaled slowly.
"Yeah." the man nodded, burying his face in his palm. The regret and guilt were still present. Hachiman...was already bored. His frown deepened. He realized what he was doing. 'I mustn't think like this anymore.' He shook his head. He was close to his desire, he could feel it. "I see..." he placed a hand on his father's shoulder. It was meant to be a 'comforting' gesture. At least, that's why he thought it to be. In truth his action came off more awkward than comforting though. Comfort was one of the many things he wasn't good at.
His father stopped and looked at Hachiman in confusion before a laugh came out of him. This one held no regret nor guilt. It was one with actual happiness in it. 'Like father like son I guess.' Suddenly he hugged Hachiman, taking the boy aback. Hachiman hugged the man back awkwardly.
"It's good to have you back, son." the man said. His voice held a weight that Hachiman somewhat understood.
"Y-Yes." Hachiman said. "It's good to be back." His stoic expression changed to that of determination.
-Later That Day-
Many eyes scanned over him as he waited. When he looked back at the peering eyes they looked away. His own eyes glanced about. "Where is she?" He muttered. He was in no hurry but his mother had already called him three times today. Which was actually the most calls he had gotten in a single day in... quite a while actually. He answered, every single time. The first call was when he was at home, telling her that he was in his apartment. She got upset that he chose to go there instead of 'home' to rest. The second time was during lunch and the third was a few minutes ago. Just as he arrived to pick up Komachi from school. His presence had garnered the attention of many other students who were heading home. He didn't quite understand why though. By the looks of it, he wasn't the only one to pick up a younger sibling from school. So what he was doing wasn't out of the ordinary.
"Yakuza?" his head whipped to the direction where the whisper came from. A group consisting of boys and girls. When they noticed him staring at them they looked away and hastily walked left.
Yakuza? They thought him to be a gangster? That was... new... and rather presumptuous of them. Heck, he was even leaning against a bicycle, what kind of 'gangster' rode a bicycle? Being mistaken for a delinquent would have made more sense. He knew his face gave off that impression sometimes. His build didn't really help either. Maybe if he was a bit lankier then he would have given off a different impression. It wasn't really something he intended to do anything about though. After all, if he became skinnier than work would be much harder, if not impossible to do. He'd probably lose his breath after carrying a thirty pound box containing various types of tiles for more than a couple of meters. Just imagining not having at least that much physical strength and stamina again made him grimace. Those were difficult times.
A familiar cheerful voice reached his ears. But it wasn't addressed to himself. From his current position he could see Komachi exit the building with some friends. At least he hoped them to be friends. 'As expected, she's popular.' That was good. Though he was fairly neutral about it, apparently a lot of people didn't like being alone. So her having many friends was a 'good' thing. He stood straight, eyes still on the oncoming form of his little sister.
'Little sister...' He had a little sister. Even now the thought brought a smile on his face.
"Onii-chan?!" Komachi noticed him. As did her friends plus a bug named Kawasaki Taishi. He waved at her, the smile on his face not leaving. Her friends seemed surprised, likely because they didn't know Komachi had a brother in the first place. Kawasaki Taishi' face held more confusion than others. He probably wasn't expecting to see Hachiman, especially because his sister was at Kyoto. And Hachiman was supposed to be with them, not here in Chiba. Komachi ran up to him. "You're early."
"Hmm." So he was. He came here about ten minutes earlier to be precise. Punctual was something he preferred to be. It was courteous. 'Normal'.
"Aniki?" Taishi' stepped forward, his confused expression still there. "What're you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Nee-chan in Kyoto?"
Of course the way he phrased it made it sound like something that it was not. And what it sounded like would surely start a rumor. It didn't really bother him though. Rumors were rumors. They came and went like the seasons. "Kyoto didn't interest me. I also had work." Besides, if he went to Kyoto then he might not have been able to-
"A-Ah." Taishi' seemed dissatisfied by his answer, then again. If the bug really did have a crush on his sister like Hachiman suspected then he probably didn't ask the question he wanted to in the first place.
"Guys. Meet my Onii-chan, Hikigaya-" Komachi introduced him to her friends, the names barely registered in his brain. Flowing through one ear then out the other. Mostly because he didn't think he would meet any of them again. At least not anytime soon.
"Good Afternoon." he bowed slightly. "Thank you for taking care of my sister." Of course none of them knew Hachiman before today with the sole exception of Taishi who looked more lost than ever. So they accepted his rather casual greeting.
Hachiman was not ashamed to admit that he took a small amount of satisfaction in that. His phone started ringing, he checked the caller ID. It was their mother. "It's Oka-chan." Don't give him that look, the woman wanted him to call her that. He was okay with it though, she was his mother. And from what he knew some liked to call their mothers that. "I'll have to take it. Say goodbye to your friends Komachi." He walked away a few feet for privacy, leaving his sister to it. "Hello Oka-chan."
"Hachi-kun where are you two? Komachi' classes should be over by now." the woman said.
"She just got out, we're on our way." He responded.
"Alright, better hurry. The sooner you two get here the sooner we can get going." she said. "Oh and be careful! The roads can get dangerous." He considered telling her that he was already familiar with the dangers of roads with but he supposed that as their mother she was meant to be worried about them.
"We will." he hung up first then turned to the direction of the younger teens. "Komachi, are you done?"
"Yup." said girl was already on the rear seat of his bicycle. He approved and got on himself.
"Have you ever gone there before?" he asked her.
"Just once, back when we were kids. I don't remember much about it though." she replied. "I think there are pictures in the family album but I'm not sure."
"Ah." he didn't know how else to respond. "Are you excited?"
"Oh definitely!" she exclaimed. "I want to try out as many rides as we can!"
Hachiman hummed in thought. Their parents weren't poor but they weren't exactly rich either. Trying out too many rides in 'Destiny Land', which he swore was a lawsuit waiting to happen, might put them out of money for a while. 'Maybe I should withdraw some money before we go there.' The sun would be setting soon and the Theme Park would only be open until nine. 'The chances of there being an ATM near the park is high.' But Koto-Hikigaya Hachiman would not place his bet on 'chance'. Not if he had other choices to choose from. "Wait here." He left a confused Komachi on his bicycle.
"Where are you going?" she asked, her confusion became shock when he entered what appeared to be an ATM booth. He came out a few minutes later, seeming more satisfied for reasons Komachi did not know of.
"Let's go."
-Destiny Land-
Loud. This was his first time inside an amusement/theme park. And the only word he could describe this place as was loud. Not crowded. Not scary. Just loud. Most city squares had similarly dense crowds and we're harder to navigate in because of not having any landmarks to keep an eye on. Chiba had one. Even the city he first roamed in had one. But they were no where near as loud as this. The scent of various fast foods, machine fumes and... vomit?- assaulted his nose. All in all? This was a place he would never visit on his own. Like seriously, what kind of person came to places like this on their own? Those so called 'loser' type people, he didn't completely understand what that meant, he heard so much about?
Somewhere in Kyoto, Hiratsuka Shizuka who had been wondering if she should sneak out for Ramen again, sneezed.
"So what you two want to go on first?" his 'father' asked. Around his neck was a Camera, courtesy of his wife's persistence for new family photos. They had already taken a few. And he, along with his father, had already been chided as many times for not smiling. Both silently agreed to fake it for future pictures.
"I've never been to an amusement park before. Anything works for me." Hachiman internally questioned if his previous self was into this kind of thing. It was one of the two reasons he agreed to come here after all.
"Then how about the rollercoaster?" Komachi asked.
"Are-are you sure about that Komachi-chan? Rollercoasters are really scary you know?" their father warned. Hachiman could see nervousness in those dead fish eyes.
"I think it'll be fun. Let's try it." their mother seemed all for it. It was two against one and Hachiman in neutral territory. He shrugged at his father. The man gulped.
They got in line for the rollercoaster. Surprisingly the line wasn't that long. Hachiman heard his father say that it was because today was a weekday, meaning people had work.
'Wait a minute...' Hachiman' eyes squinted. He forgot he had work today!
"Onii-chan, what's wrong?" Komachi asked, her question instantly had the attention of their parents.
"Are you not feeling well Hachi-kun? Do you want to go sit down for a bit?" his mother asked in concern.
"Ah, no." He shook his head before pulling out his cell. "I forgot to tell my boss I can't make it today." He was supposed to be at work about twenty minutes ago as well. Hopefully Takeshi wouldn't be too upset with him.
"You have a job?" his parents were surprised.
Hachiman nodded. Their reaction confused Hachiman. After all as corporate workers they should know by now that one couldn't really do much without money. Or did this have to do with his previous self? Did he not like to work before? No wait, that was a stupid question. No one really liked to work. They had to because it was necessary to make money.
Takeshi picked up the call and Hachiman explained the situation to him. The man was somewhat understanding, once again proving his co-workers point about Takeshi being a good boss and a better person. Although, Takeshi did sound surprised for some reason. Even encouraging Hachiman to have a 'good time'. When the call ended Hachiman realized they were close to the rollercoaster, probably even the next ones to board it after it finishes making another pass. He examined the 'ride'. It was, in all honesty, the single most dangerous looking thing he ever laid eyes on. He frowned. 'Is this even safe?' Especially at the speed it traveled on.
"What kind of job do you have?" his mother asked as they waited.
They talked about things. It was more of them asking him about himself and him answering as best as he could. It was a pleasant experience. Emotions were running high in the morning so none of this could have been done back then. Then their turn to enter the ride came. Hachiman eyed the metal contraption once again, skeptical about it's ability to keep it's passengers safe. Yet despite his skepticism he got on after Komachi. It wouldn't do to leave her on her own now would it.
The man operating on the console near them gave them a quick speech about safety. Hachiman pulled down the metal bar that was supposed to keep them safe.
"H-Hold on tight, okay kids?" he heard his father say from behind. His words were cautionary yet nervous at the same time. Was the man afraid? Probably. Though he had to admit, to see the man that looked and acted so much like Hachiman be afraid of something like this was a little surprising...
He frowned, luckily no one saw that.
"We'll be fine dad." Komachi said. "Will you be alright?"
'Oh?' Hachiman pondered. Was the fearful nature of the Hikigaya patriarch in these kind of situations a well known fact among the family? 'Seems like it.'
"If you're afraid you should have told us. We could have gone to a different ride." he said. Both his mother and sister giggled at their husband/father's fears vocalized so casually by Hachiman.
"No-Nonsense." the man yelped when the rollercoaster started moving. The man held the railing tighter. "If this is what Komachi wants then it is what we'll do." Spoken as if it was a matter of course.
Hachiman nodded. "Hm." And as odd as it was, Hachiman understood that.
They were moments away from the top now. Hachiman noticed his mother holding his terrified father's palm lovingly in an attempt to sooth his fears. His eyes focused ahead at the evening sky, thinking of how long he had to wait. He sincerely hoped it wouldn't take long.
*SWOOSH*Screaming*
The ride had begun. His eardrums were pushed to their utmost limit because of all the screaming the rest of the ride participants were making. At least that's what it felt like. He couldn't help but question if they were all intentionally being that loud. Because in all honesty? This was just like riding a car, only faster. He didn't get what all the fuss was about. In fact, he was having a hard time trying to stay awake. He was just that bored.
"I didn't know such a thing was even possible." Of course his mutterings we're easily deafened the screams. He soldiered on though, forcing his eyes to stay open and thus, keeping him awake. He considered fake screaming. 'Maybe screaming is part of the ride?' But that just sounded ridiculous so he kept his mouth shut.
The ride ended and the Hikigaya family walked out. His father looked like he was about to throw up. And then he actually threw up. Thankfully there was a trashcan nearby and Hachiman was the farthest from his 'father'.
"I'm gonna stay with your father till he feels better. You two go ahead and have fun. Let's meet here in say..." she looked at her husband's wrist watch. "Six PM? Does that sound good to you two?" she asked. Hachiman nodded and Komachi replied with a 'yes'. "Stay together alright? Don't lose each other." she gave the two siblings a hug and even a kiss on their cheeks.
Komachi held his hand with both of hers and pulled him to another ride. A small yet genuine smile formed on his lips as the foreign yet familiar feeling spread across his heart. It was the same thing he felt both times when he held the younger girl in his arms.
The two roamed the park a little longer. He couldn't say he liked being in a place like this. But it was certainly much more bearable with Komachi near him. "Komachi..." he suddenly called her name.
Komachi, who was examining the spinning tea cups looked at her brother. "Yea?
"Can you... tell me how I was... before losing my memories?" It only made sense. If he knew what Hikigaya Hachiman was like then it would be easier to become that person. And not be... whatever he was now.
Whether it was because of the odd nature of his question or being unable to properly hear his it due to all the noise, the girl looked confused. "I...What?"
"Ah." he shook his head. "Nevermind. Just thinking aloud." She probably didn't even remember. How old was she when he supposedly 'died'? Eight? Nine? Maybe Ten at most? If only real people were able to recall picture perfect memories of the distant past like fiction. He would have to ask his 'parents' later. 'I shouldn't bother her with this.'
"..." She stared at him a little longer. A stare that he matched. But of course it was impossible for her to win against him. "... If you say so."
The enjoyed a few more rides. Well, she enjoyed it. He was more of a tagalong honestly. His phone buzzed. It was their mother, saying that their father had fully recovered and should meet up. The sun was close to disappearing in the horizon but the temperature had already dropped considerably. Fortunately they were in heavier attire so it didn't bother them as much. The Hikigaya family reunited once more and continued exploring.
He patted his wallet which was still full of cash. As it turned out, the majority of the rides were free after getting the ticket to enter the park. So his money was unspent so far. He eyed his family from the corner of his eyes. So far they were having 'fun', all showed affection towards him in some way or another. Yet he had yet to do any such thing.
He frowned, he wasn't even sure what to do. What would the real Hikigaya Hachiman have done right now? If he was here? Surely he would have done something for his family right now.
They entered another line. It was for the Ferris wheel. The sun was still in the horizon, albiet just barely. It would probably be out of sight within the next few minutes or so. It didn't take long for them to get their turn. They entered one of the 'karts'. It was large enough for all of of them sit sit in it. He sat next to Komachi while their parents sat across them. The ride started. The journey to the top was slow and the return trip to the bottom would be as equally as time consuming. As their kart reached the top, they managed to get a glimpse of the sun's final moments as it was disappearing in the horizon. It was beautiful he supposed. His mother and sister mentioned it aloud and even his father cracked a smile at the beautiful sight... But to him it was merely another event that held next to no importance to him. He had seen many sunsets and rises in the past. Back when he was homeless and even after he first set foot in his first apartment room.
"Hachiman." his father brought attention to himself. "When will you be moving in with us?" The women perked up at the question then looked at Hachiman unexpectedly.
Hachiman' fingers twitched. Though he didn't want that question to arise he knew it was bound to come up again eventually. He had thought about that already and the answer was not something he expected them to accept.
"I was thinking about moving in next year." he answered, his voice even. And just as he expected, they did not take it well.
He made up an simple lie about how he had already paid the rest for the rest of the year and it was nonrefundable. Even told them that he wasn't allowed to move out because of his contract which was also a lie. He pointed out some more things, along with how the year was almost over so it was better to just start anew in the next one. In truth he was expecting there to be an argument about it but much to his surprise his father was the one to side with him. Saying that it would give them time to plan a proper welcome for him. Even 'throw' him a party. The terminology confused him to unknown ends but he didn't ask about it. He chalked it out as some weird idiom/phrase normal people used. His mother and sister were reluctant to agree but eventually relented. His father appeared to be a surprisingly convincing man Hachiman noted. The conversation about his return home ended there. And though the over all mood had become sober due to his mother and Komachi' downed expression they decided to have dinner there.
It wasn't that Hachiman didn't want to live with 'his' family once again. It was just that he couldn't. A part of him didn't want to move in. Not yet anyway.
By the time they had reached their abode, both husband and wife were basically 'beat' as some would put it. Hachiman somewhat expected that honestly. From what he remembered back when Komachi told him about them, they were workaholics. And unlike his job which drained his physically, theirs drained them mentally. Which also meant that they hadn't built enough stamina to do activities that would require too much physical effort. That was what Hachiman gathered from their outing today.
Plus, on a more obvious note, the two were far from being physically fit. Somewhat scrawny to boot. It was a good thing they already had dinner at Destiny Land. Now they would just go straight to bed.
"Oka-chan." Hachiman called out to his mother who was about to enter her bedroom after her husband. "Can I talk to you about something? It's... important." Komachi had already gone to bed after bidding them a good night.
The woman blinked at Hachiman with her tired eyes. "Alright. Give me a couple of minutes to freshen up."
"Thank you." Hachiman thanked her and went to the living room. He eyed the long family sized couch. It was bigger than the one in his and Hiratsuka' apartment. Likely due to the fact that it was bought for a family rather than for a single who who rarely had visitors. An actual family. He tried to imagine himself and the rest of 'his' family on it. Sitting together and spending quality family time together. But he couldn't.
He shook his head. 'Of course I can't.' Not yet at least. He wasn't the Hachiman they knew. Not yet anyway.
"Hachi-kun? What's on your mind honey?" His mother finally entered the living room. Dressed in clothing more adjusted for sleeping. Even in the little amount of light in the room he could see water rolling down her cheeks.
Hachiman didn't answer for a few moments. Instead opting to look at the woman silently then averting his eyes. "Oka-chan... I wish to become Hikigaya Hachiman."
The woman froze. "What do you mean? You ARE Hikigaya Hachiman. My baby boy... right?" There was worry and uncertainty in her voice. The former dominated the later.
"Apologies, I should have phrased that better." Hachiman tried again. "I wish to become the Hikigaya Hachiman that you all knew. The one that was here before." even as he spoke the words that held the most amount of weight to him, his voice didn't shift. His expression changed just about enough to make the frown on his face visible. "Can you tell me about him? So that I can become-"
"I see now." the woman interrupted her son after she suddenly hugged him. Unlike the hug from last night, this one was far weaker. Meant to 'comfort' him rather than verify his existence to her. "You're afraid."
'I am?' his brows furrowed. "Of what?"
"Of being disliked. Of not fitting in." Her voice was soft, as expected of a mother. There was no hidden intention behind them. And Hachiman did not need to be observant to notice that. She wasn't incorrect, not completely at least. He did want to 'fit' in. To be normal.
His shoulders slumped. He couldn't say with certainty if he liked being held like this by the woman. But it was pleasant. A part of him. A very small part. Felt... envy(?) for some reason? He found it very odd.
"You were like that back then too. You'd always go to the park to try and make friends, even though none of the other kids would play with you." she sounded sad. Regretful even.
The edges of his lips twi- 'Stop.'
"You'd always try your hardest to make Komachi happy. Going as far as to avoid being seen with her by her friends so they wouldn't ostracize her too, even though it tore you up inside." Her regretful tone did not change. Hachiman could see himself doing that. 'Sacrificing' himself for Komachi. "As far as I'm concerned, you are Hikigaya Hachiman." She parted from him. His eyes widened as he took in the look of pure happiness in her eyes. "A member of this family."
Hachiman didn't respond. He had no idea what to say to that.
"You might not think yourself as Hikigaya Hachiman yet." she continued. "And maybe you're not." She poked the side of his head. "Not in there." Then placed that hand on his chest. "But in there? You haven't changed a bit. And right now? That's enough for us.
"... I see." he finally said. His thoughts kept echoing her words over and over.
"Let's go to sleep. We've had a long day." She held his hand even as she pulled him upstairs. "You haven't gone in your room yet have you?" She asked and he replied negatively. They stood in front of a door. "This is your room. I cleaned it earlier today so you wouldn't have any trouble settling in." Hachiman stared at it owlishly. "Go on." His mother placed a hand on his shoulder. He reached for the doorknob and grabbed it.
"I uh... I need to use the bathroom first." He suddenly said. "You should go to bed. It's been a long day.
The woman kissed the side of his head. "Okay then. Don't stay up too late." she went towards the door in the far side of the second floor hallway and entered it.
Hachiman remained there, frozen in front of the door to his room. In reality he did not need to go to the bathroom. Heck he hadn't even touched the doorknob, his palm was just hovering centimetres away from the knob's surface. His palm moved away from the doorknob, allowing him to inspect it.
It was shaking.
He frowned. The words his mother said not more than a few minutes ago came back to his mind. "I'm sorry, Oka-chan." he muttered. This might have been good enough for them. But it was anything but that for him. After all the things he did to come this far, both the 'good' and the 'bad'? After all the things he 'endured' and 'suffered'? After all the years he spent, trying to fulfill his desire to be 'normal'? He just couldn't accept it... To do so would be too painful for him to bear. Too foolish for him to understand.
Too illogical for him to comprehend.
Besides, they... Komachi... deserved the real Hikigaya Hachiman.
Not... whatever he was.
He took a deep breath. In it came and Out it went then turned around and headed for the living room. The night was still in it's prime. Not even midnight yet. He sat back down on the living room couch as another memory floated into his thoughts. A memory from only a three months ago.
"Looks like it really does have to matter Haruno."
-Chapter End-
The amount of self-hatred I feel when I read this chapter is unreal.
P.S: If not a single one of you notice the Mr. Bean reference here you need to redo your childhood.
Bonus Scene(Title: Home)
"Eeh?! It's Hikigerma! Stay away from him guys or you'll catch his germs!" one of the boys laughed at him before throwing sand at him. "Go away creep!"
'Hikigerma' shielded his eyes from the assault, when it stopped he opened his eyes to see the other kids had already left. He looked down, dejected. Even though he was Nine years old he still had no friends. And it wasn't due to him not trying or anything. He tried his best. He'd been trying to make friends as far as he could remember. But no matter what he did, the other kids would always laugh at him or run away from him. He knew why they did that though. And the worst part was that he couldn't do anything about it. No, he could do 'something'. All he needed was a sharp object. But he was too cowardly to do it.
He frowned, feeling depressed. Not even bothering to wipe the sand and dirt off of him, he walked home.
-x-x-x-x-x-
He gave up on making friends, at least for now. Middle School would be different, he swore. He would try his best to make friends there!
'But what if that's not enough? What if I fail?' he frowned at the stray depressing thought. His mind began to wander to a dark place.
"Onii-chan!" he saw a small girl running to him while waving at her friends. A small smile appeared on his lips. Whatever dark thoughts were plaguing his mind instantly disappeared. Her smile was enough to chase away any bad thoughts.
He frowned for a moment when he noticed her friends looking at him either nervously or confused. They whispered among themselves while pointing at him and his sister. He noticed that they'd been doing that ever since he started picking her up from school. She hugged him as a greeting then they started walking home, it wasn't far from her school. In fact she'd been going home alone for quite some time now. He'd been picking her up only recently. After he gave up making friends.
He frowned inwardly, thinking back to her 'friends' who were whispering and pointing at them.
-x-x-x-x-x-
He ran through the neighborhood, heart pounding in his chest. But that didn't concern him. It could burst out of his chest for all he cared. He called for her aloud over and over but received no answer.
"What's wrong, lad?" an elderly man asked him. He stopped. His breathing didn't stabilize yet but he still told the old man of the reason behind his actions between gasps. "I think I saw someone of that description in the park earlier." He thanked the man and rushed to the park.
The sun was setting so there weren't any other children in the park. At least there shouldn't have been. He ran up to the jungle gym and got inside to get closer to her her. Nearly falling on the ground in his rush. She looked up at him, her eyes red from crying.
The look of relief washed over his face. It was so overwhelming that even his eyes failed to demerit it. He hugged her for a few seconds before parting from her. But he didn't let go. "Are you okay?" He almost shouted, something he had never done before. "Do you have any idea how worried I was?" Their parents had probably contacted the police by now too.
She sniffled. But before she could get a word in, he tugged at her arms.
"Let's go home." he said, letting go of one arm and holding onto the other.
Her eyes widened, her face contorted to a mixture of sadness and anger. "No!" she yanked his hand off her. "I don't wanna!"
He turned to look at her, confused. He asked her why she replied. And that reply shocked him to his core.
'It's my fault.' he silently berated himself. If he hadn't selfishly spent all that time trying to make friends at school or in the playground then she wouldn't have had to suffer this much.
From that day onward, he would go home early. Right after class, just so that she wouldn't have to return to an empty home.
No Omake this time, No ideas and too tired.
Bonus Scene 2(Title:Where... ?)
He had a smile on his face. It was small. But held more weight behind it than any other smile he ever made. Soft snores filled the unfamiliar room. His legs were starting to ache a bit but he was okay with that. As long as she was comfortable and happy, it was a minor inconvenience he would willfully bear. His left palm was held in a tight grip by her hands. A grip one could only have in a life or death situation. His other hand was free to do whatever it wanted. And it wanted nothing more than to continue running through her hair softly. That foreign yet familiar feeling was still in his heart, the feeling of joy. Weaker than when he held her but present nonetheless.
She had fallen asleep not long ago, tired from all the crying she was doing. And like any good brother worthy of being called that, he took her to the couch to sleep. He would have preferred to take her to her room. But he didn't really know which room was hers. So he settled for the couch. But perhaps this was better. He was, in a sense, already intruding in someone else's home unannounced.
His keen ears picked up the sound of a key chain rustling. His eyes narrowed. Knowing his luck... "A thief?" His head turned to the direction of the door as his free hand left her head alone went into his left pocket.
"Aggh" a tired groan reached his ears. It belonged to a man. "My back is killing me."
"Hah." the voice of a woman sighed. "I should have known better than to trust an intern."
"It's not your fault honey." He heard the door swing open. "No one could have screwed up that math. Except this guy apparently."
"We-The lights are on...?"
A man and a woman. No caution when breaking in and alarmed at the sight of the lights being on at this hour. His eyes widened.
It was her... his... parents.
The sound of rushed footsteps bounced around, deafening out her snores with ease. He looked at her sleeping form once again. She didn't seem too bothered by the sound. Her expression brought a smile to his face.
"Wh-Who are you? What are you doing in our house?!" their questions did not wake her from her slumber. That was good. His head turned to them, his face alone shocked them. His own eyes widened briefly as his eyes met with a pair of dead fish eyes similar to his own.
"Oka-san... Otou-san... I'm back." he said, the soft smile on his face had already vanished, leaving his face emotionless.
The woman gasped and the man looked like he saw a ghost. The woman was the first to do something. She pointed at him, her voice shaking in disbelief. "... Ha...chi-kun? Is it... Is it really you?" she took a step forward towards the one that looked so much like her husband. He nodded at her, his dead fish eyes staring into her normal ones.
"I'm back." He repeated. The woman walked over to him, her legs shaking and eyes wide in disbelief. The woman reached for him but hesitated to actually touch him. As if her mere touch might make him disappear. He did not lean in or move away. He just stayed there, waiting for her.
Her fingertips touched the side of his head, brushing away strands of hair from his face and allowing her to get a better look at him. Behind him was a picture of a boy, sitting on a table. The boy in the picture. He looked took much like the person in front of her to ignore. "It really is you." her voice quivered. A smile spread across her lips. He tried to mirror it but it did not happen. He inwardly frowned. His failure confused him. The woman hugged him tight, sobbing as she did. The frown he held back threatened to show on his face.
The woman's husband stared at him wide eyed. The man tried to speak but words refused to come. Instead the man got closer to them and wrapped his own arms around them. Even though he was being hugged by two different people he could tell that both of them were shaking in joy. His frown finally broke free as his brows furrowed in confusion. That joy they were feeling. He too should have been feeling that. Just as he had felt it when he hugged the girl sleeping on his lap... but...
'Where... Where is it?'