Chapter 20:

Hanna Wulff turned out to be... plain, not to say ugly. She had black hair and way too big blue eyes. Her bottom teeth were crooked and there was a big gap in-between her frontal upper teeth. Her nose was too slim and her forehead too broad. She was short, bordering on 5'2 and a bit chubby, although the extra weight looked good on her. She was the type of people who would look incredibly awkward if she were skinny. Her face lit up in a bright smile when Dorcas and I approached her and I had to give it to her; she looked adorable when she smiled.

"Hanna, darling," Dorcas started, flipping her hair off her shoulder. "How are you?"

"I'm good!" Hanna nodded, staring at us excitedly. I tried to hide my smile. She was looking at us like we were famous. "How are you?"

"Great, just great." I dismissed, sharing a look with Dorcas. "Hanna... what will you be doing on the next trip to Hogsmeade?"

"Nothing, really," Hanna shrugged. "Why?"

Her tone was so eager, I was certain she would say yes. If only so she'd spend some time with all of us. Dorcas and I shared a knowing look. Marlene had been apparently right.

"Well," Dorcas started, taking a step closer to Hanna. I did the same, effectively cornering Hanna in the hallway. "How about a date with one of my friends? Like... I dunno, Peter, maybe?"

Hanna's face scrunched up in disappointment. I sighed; maybe Marlene hadn't been right after all.

"Peter?" Hanna asked, starting to shake her head. "I don't think so, sorry."

"Whyever not?" I asked with a frown.

Peter wasn't that bad. He wasn't the most handsome or most intelligent boy in our year—or school, but I was sure he had something good. Somebody had to find his chubby face and slightly crooked teeth attractive. This was starting to become ridiculous.

"Sure," Dorcas jumped in. "Have you seen the way he smiles? Truly adorable. And he eats quite a lot so he'll never judge you for having seconds, or thirds." She added persuasively.

I nodded, agreeing whole-heartedly, before freezing as I realized how her words could be interpreted. With slightly widened eyes, I turned to Hanna; her eyes had narrowed and she had her mouth open, ready to speak.

"Not that we think you're the type of person that has seconds or thirds." I rushed before Hanna could get a word out. "It's just that sometimes you want to have more... pudding and your date will give you this look. We've all been there." I lied with an easy laugh at the end.

"Oh, yes." Dorcas agreed quickly, nodding her head in complete conviction. Hanna still didn't seem completely convinced, though.

"What is that? That's just..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say. Hanna was still frowning slightly. Ugh, great. What would we need to make her just fucking agree? "That's just..." I turned to Dorcas, widening my eyes and raising my eyebrows, clearly telling her to help me out.

"Rubbish, is what it is." She jumped in, not missing a beat.

"Totally," I said, turning once more to Hanna. "So, fancy a date with a non-judging bloke?"

She truly thought about it, I could tell, but this was taking way too long and I had an exam to study for. You would understand why my patience was wearing thin. Unconsciously, I tapped my foot against the stone floor.

"All right, I'll do it," Hanna finally said. Dorcas and I looked at each other, surprised. "With one condition."

Those three words shattered all hopes I had had. What condition could it possibly be?

"What?" I nearly snapped, having to take a deep breath in to release my impatience.

"You talk Sirius into taking me out." Hanna's smile was almost smug.

I let out a bitter laugh. Sure, of course Hanna would go on a date with Sirius. Over my dead body. Sirius Black was, whether he himself knew it or not, mine and I would not be finding girls he could shag. If I had my way, actually, that little sneaky son of a bitch would not shag anyone until he came to his senses and realized what he was missing on me. But I couldn't blatantly deny her request, could I? An undesired mental image popped into my head and I cursed it out of my mind as fast as it had shown up. Yes, I most definitely could deny her request.

"Absolutely—" Dorcas started to agree.

"Not." I finished, a little rudely, I must confess.

"Whyever not?" Hanna threw my own words at me.

"I've got my reasons." I shrugged. "We were doing you a favour, you know? But, whatever. Let's go, Dorcas."

Grabbing Dorcas' hand, I twirled around and walked away. This had all been ridiculous. We were not matchmakers to go looking for a date for Peter. He could look for it himself. And Hanna's condition? God, who does she think he is? I walked quickly through the corridors and down the stairs, so fast, actually, that Dorcas' hand slipped from mine and she ended up racing after me. It was rush hour, which meant all the students were rushing out of class. I was still seething over Hanna's boldness and it took every ounce of patience and good-will I had not to smack a group of first years over the head because they were walking so slowly. Eventually, the crowd thinned out and Dorcas was able to walk next to me.

"What was that?" Dorcas asked, referring to my snappy answer to Hanna.

"I just think she was just so insolent!" I exclaimed. "What would make her think we'd get her a date with Sirius?"

"Well, he's not seeing anything right now." Dorcas shrugged, not really seeing my point.

"That's not what I meant." I shook my head as we reached the moving staircase.

Dorcas remained silent for a second, momentarily losing her balance when the staircase started moving to the right. After six years here one would think she'd be used to it but this wasn't the case. I sighed, running my fingers through the golden railing. Had I exaggerated before? I didn't give a rat's arse, though.

"Mere, why are you so angered over this?" Dorcas asked, confused.

I kept quiet, pretending to think about this. I knew the answer to that question, of course. I'd known for quite some time now, but admitting it out loud was a complete different thing. I noticed, though, the longer it took me to answer, the more worried Dorcas looked.

"All right," I agreed. "But don't tell anyone."

"Of course," Dorcas said.

By now we were one hallway away form the Gryffindor Common Room. I prayed none of the marauders were there. I did not want them to hear what I was about to say.

"I'm in love with Sirius." I admitted, my tone was both nostalgic and wistful. "And I know he will never be mine but—but seeing him with someone makes me want to vomit."

I mumbled the last part out, feeling unbelievably sad. Come to think of it, I never truly fell out of love with him. This past year and a half of me hating him was only because knowing we weren't together but having to see him and be friendly towards him everyday nearly killed me. After a while, I had grown used to it and my anger towards him had become real. But this year my life had been a complete rollercoaster and I found myself yearning for him, wondering what would he think about the new sweets the trolley was selling in the Hogwarts Express, or if he had finally decided what he'd do once we graduated. More often than not, I had had to bite my own tongue so I wouldn't point out his favourite breakfast whenever someone else asked, or exclaiming in second-hand excitement when his favourite song came on the radio. But things weren't looking good at all for us right now and that caused my eyes to water with heartbreak.

"Yeah..." I cleared my throat after a few seconds of shocked silent from Dorcas. "Whatever, I suppose."

"Oh, honey, don't cry," Dorcas said, finally snapping herself out of her own shock. "Come here." She hugged me and I tried hard not to cry into her shoulder. "Everything will work out, you'll see." She consoled me, patting my hair.

I sniffed and stepped away from the hug, giving her a grateful smile. We started to walk towards the portrait hole once it was clear I wouldn't break down in tears.

"I dunno..." I sighed. Dorcas smiled at the portrait and shouted out the password. "I mean, I'm pretty sure he hates me now."

"Oh, that can't be true." Dorcas shook her head as we walked together into the Common Room. The place was full, with everyone getting ready to go down for dinner. We were able to spot Marlene, Peter and Lily somewhere close to one of the book shelves. Dorcas continued talking as we made our way over there. "As a matter of fact, I believe he also fancies you—" she stopped talking abruptly when we ran into the subject of our discussion.

On our way towards Lily, Marlene and Peter, we had to pass by our usual spot by the chimney. And there he was, with all his elegance and attractiveness. The thing was, however, that Sirius was not alone. With him was a brunette girl I'd see a couple of times here in the Common Room but whose name I didn't know. At the very least, he wasn't kissing her or anything. They were just talking, with Sirius' arm slung around the girl's shoulders easily and intimately. She was smiling up at him, listening as he talked about something I couldn't hear over the buzz in the Common Room. The two of them together looked nice, actually, properly nice. I was fucked. They weren't kissing, Sirius wasn't parading her around for everyone to know he was still a Casanova, and they were clearly on a date. Obviously, Sirius had absolutely gotten over me.

"He totally misses me," I sneered at the couple, hoping the girl would disintegrate in little pieces of glass so that he would also get cut when he tried to kiss her.

Rolling my eyes, I continued walking towards the others. Dorcas followed and we both flopped down in the love seat in front of Lily's chair. Peter seemed eager to know what we had to say but I noticed once more that he couldn't make eye-contact. His eyes always stayed on the spot between my eyes or my nose or my forehead. And it wasn't just with me, it was with everyone. It bothered me; it made me feel unsafe.

"Actually, Peter, we have bad news." Dorcas started, biting her lip. Marlene and Lily shared a confused look before looking at Peter with sympathy. "Hanna didn't—well, she wasn't certain it'd be a good idea, really, and then we had to cancel." She explained briefly.

"What do you mean you had to cancel?" Lily asked, not exactly understanding Dorcas' cryptic explanation.

I sighed. "She said she'd do it under one condition I had no choice but to deny." I clarified, looking at Peter to gauge his reaction.

"Why would you do that?" Peter asked, apparently mad.

"Because it wasn't fair to you or—or anyone else involved, that's why." I replied with a tone that screamed out 'duh'.

"You know, Peter maybe you should just... well, ask someone out." Marlene suggests. Lily and Dorcas nodded along with her in agreement.

"I asked you." Peter lamented.

"Sure but I wasn't about to go out with one of my ex's best mate, Pete." Marlene laughed slightly.

I agreed with her. That would just be wrong. I was certain Sirius wouldn't have minded much, though, considering he was over Marlene and Peter wasn't much competition anyway. But it would still be uncomfortable for everyone. Peter, however, seemed to be saddened by her words. He looked down at his feet in the carpet and I briefly wondered if he was sad because Marlene had rejected him or because nobody would go out with him.

"I'm not his best mate." Peter mumbled detachedly, still looking at his feet.

"Right, one of his best mates." Marlene corrected, not quite catching on Peter's tone.

"Not that, either." He shook his head; his dirty blond hair fell into his face. "Remus and James are his best mates, not me."

"Peter, what are you talking about?" Lily asked, getting up from her seat and sitting down on his chair's armrest. "Of course you are! Don't think like that." She consoled him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm not." Peter protested. "Everyone thinks so. They don't get why I'm even friends with them. And I believe them; they're much better than I am... at everything."

Lily kept her attention on Peter and Peter only but the rest of us didn't. With one look, we three realized we were all thinking the same thing. We couldn't help but admit to ourselves that Peter's words were true. Sirius, Remus and James had all things in common with each other, they were smart, handsome, easy-going, while Peter was anything but. But I also felt bad, because even though I didn't like Peter, he truly seemed sad, as if he thought he was all alone in the world. I stood up and sat by his feet, making sure he looked at me.

"You really do think that, don't you?" I asked, to which he nodded. "Well, then I suggest you have a little chat with yourself and consider your life's decisions."

"I don't understand." Peter frowned, lost.

"What Meredith is trying to say," Dorcas said, walking to where we were sitting. "Is that the boys do consider you their best mate but for some weird reason you don't think you are." She explained. "You should think why that is."

Peter nodded in understanding. Considering our job done, the girls and I got up, ready to leave. When we were a few steps away, however, Marlene paused and turned to Peter once more.

"And about your date..." she called out to him. "Just be brave and ask a girl out. The worst that can happen is her saying no." Marlene shrugged, turning on her feet to join us.

At dinner we sat with the Marauders and I had the bad luck of sitting next to Sirius. My heart raced the whole time and I had so many butterflies in my belly I couldn't eat. I was still totally bitter about his ridiculous new girl, so I was immaturely grumpy towards him. And he noticed. Let's just say our bickering got so bad, James had to sit between us. After that little incident, dinner went by smoothly. James and I discussed our next project for Herbology, which he wanted to procrastinate and I wanted to finish right away. Peter didn't show up to dinner and neither did Remus and Mary. Once dinner was over we all went up to the Gryffindor tower and to our dorms, truly exhausted. School was killing us all. I went to sleep the minute we walked into our dorm and fell into peaceful oblivion. At 3:30 AM, however, my alarm went off, signalling it was time for me to get up and study for my exam. I dragged my tired body out of my bed and down the stairs to the Common Room, hoping not to wake anyone on my way out. The Common Room was empty but it did not feel lonesome. There it was in its own glory, radiating warm, screaming out the word home. I didn't know what I would do when it was time to leave Hogwarts because it truly was home. It hadn't been ten minutes when footsteps down the stairs could be heard. I frowned, momentarily looking up from my Potions book. Who could it be? I wasn't expecting anyone to be up until seven thirty top.

"Why are you awake?" I asked when I saw who it was.

Sirius Black halted on his way to the chimney, his hand stopping mid-scratch on his left eye. He looked... dead. I couldn't remember last time I'd seen him this tired. He slowly turned to me and blinked several times, as if realizing for the first time that the Common Room and his usual spot weren't empty. He seemed to be more awake, though, when he realized it was me who had spoken. Something very close to anger flashed across his grey eyes.

"Why are you awake?" he demanded, frowning down at me. "Shouldn't you be asleep?"

I signalled to my books around me that were set on the coffee table. "I've got a Potions exam tomorrow to which I haven't studied." I replied somewhat coldly. Noticing my tone had been absolutely rude, I scrunched down a bit as I stared at the books and notes. "I'm fucked." I complained.

"You usually study weeks before the exam." Sirius commented, still standing a little ways from me. He looked as if he didn't know what to do with himself next. Should he sit and accompany me or should he retreat back to his dorm? I couldn't tell. He couldn't tell.

"Yes," I conceded, looking at the scribbles on my notebook. "But—But it's been a hard two weeks." I mumbled, pressing my lips together.

The ruffling of barefoot feet against soft carpet made me look up, only to see Sirius flop down on the other side of the coffee table, right in front of me. He reached forward and took my Potions book, looking down at the page. I gave him a suspicious look; Sirius Black never studied and he somehow always got good grades, what was he doing?

"I need that." I pointed out.

"I'll help you so you can go back to sleep." He shrugged as if him offering to help me study was nothing out of the ordinary.

I shook my head; his mood swings were giving me whiplash. Did he hate me? Did he fancy me? What did he want? I reached forward and tried to pull the book from his grasp, physically denying his offer.

"I'm serious!" I exclaimed once it was clear he wouldn't let go. "I do need to study."

Sirius grinned at me, clearly enjoying some joke I hadn't caught. But then it dawned on me; I had muttered the infamous 'serious, Sirius' joke. I groaned and got up, exasperated. I was tired, heartbroken, worried and ignorant; I did not need to handle a goof. I needed to study.

"Sirius, I don't have time to joke." I informed him. "My exam is right after lunch and I know that'd mean I have lots of time to catch up but I don't. So, please, give me my book and I'll just go study in my dorm." I requested, putting my hand out so he'd give me my book.

He seemed to consider my proposition as he looked up at me, studying me with those grey eyes of his. The longer he looked at me, the faster my heart beat, the tighter my stomach knotted. I never broke eye-contact, though. I couldn't. Sirius suddenly gave me a sideway smile and took my offered hand and pulled me down next to him. There was nothing I could do to stop him, that's how surprised I was.

"You'll fall asleep before you even open the book." He commented, completely certain of his answer.

"So what do you suggest I do?" I asked, not bothering to acknowledge he was right. My eyes were glued to the book in the table, afraid that if I were to look at him this close, I'd kiss him again.

"You'll let me help you." He shrugged and his shoulder brushed mine. My neck started to get warmer and the heat travelled all the way to my forehead. Why was I getting this nervous? It wasn't the first time I was this close to him. But he was just so attractive. He was so attractive I wanted to cry. "Meredith, this notebook has less notes than mine." he frowned down at my notebook.

"Oh, that's because I simply wrote words that'd trigger the memory of the class." I explained, highly aware of the nervousness in my voice.

"But you always wrote every little word the teacher uttered." Sirius commented, going through the pages.

I smiled a little over the fact that he remembered that. Perhaps I wasn't the only who had been missing our time together. I softly took the notebook from him.

"Yes," I said. "But this way I'm forced to pay attention in class, no matter how boring it is."

Sirius nodded in understanding. We spent around half hour studying. Sirius was actually a magnificent teacher. He was almost more focused than me, as if his life depended on me getting a high grade on this exam. Eventually though, it became obvious I did remember the class and I took advantage of our situation and tried to keep a conversation up with him without bickering over ridiculous stuff. Perhaps it was because we were both half asleep or perhaps it was that spell that fell around the world right before the sun rose, but Sirius and I didn't argue at all that brisk morning. I couldn't think of a moment where I had been this happy in the past year. Sirius told me about this new obsession of his, a motorbike that could be magically enchanted to fly. Apparently, he truly liked muggle stuff; it wasn't just to annoy his family. The idea of him in one of those things worried me sick. But seeing him talk about it made me smile broadly, if slightly nostalgically. Stifling a yawn, I rested my head against his shoulder, unconsciously humming in content when Sirius moved so his arm was around my shoulder and brought me closer to him. I wasn't completely sure of what was going on here. He had admitted he kissed girls at parties all the time but maybe he hadn't meant him kissing me was just another fling. Perhaps, he had been trying to justify that letting him kiss me in my birthday party hadn't been that bad a thing. And perhaps, hopefully, he had been bitter these past few days for the same reason I had been: because our fight had hurt him. The sound of his voice as he explained to me all the different types of motorbikes there were eventually lulled me to sleep and I didn't even think about the consequences of my arm snaking around Sirius' torso as I moved until I was comfortable enough to drift off.

A/N: Okay! here it is! Mere finally admitted she's in love with Sirius! And Peter's whole thing does have a point, I promise. Anyway, read, favourite, follow :) and let me know what you think! I'd love to hear from you guys, what do you think Peter will choose when he thinks of his life choices? Do you guys think Sirius and Mere will get together now? What about James and Lily? Valentine's is just around the corner and anything could happen! love, me.