Chapter 22

You Reap What You Sow

Lucy had fallen asleep in the chair next to Natsu, her head leaning on her hands face down into his hospital bed. Her dreams were plagued with nightmares of the car crash. She imagined herself at the wheel of the other car, it was nightfall, and everything was shrouded in darkness aside from the road ahead of her lit by the headlights of the vehicle she was trapped in. She watched as the car sped towards its unknown destination, almost as if she was looking at her body from above it. She felt a shiver run down her spin as she realized exactly where the car was planning to go, Natsu's car. Suddenly she was now within her own body again, she tried to hit the breaks, swerve out of his way, but the car did not respond to her futile attempts as it continued its hurdle down its path towards destruction. The air was knocked out of her as she felt the impact of the two cars merging, the sound of metal bending and cracking as it gave way during impact. She gasped for breath as the world slowly suffocated her, giving her only enough oxygen so that she could breathe. The car spun desperately out of control as the momentum of the crash drove it sideways. The quick moment felt as though it would span forever as everything in her mind turned to mush.

When the car finally came to a halt, a wave of guilt crashed down upon her. The guilt mixed in an awful turmoil with her anger she felt for being utterly helpless to the bloodshed she just caused. Unsure of who would win, her eyes were whipped into focus elsewhere, suddenly she had no control of her body as her gaze was forced upwards from her dashboard to the other car, his car. Her eyes, blurred with blood that sprang from her forehead, were glued to him as she watched Natsu stumble out of his crashed vehicle and fall onto the road, the ground around him instantly turning red as his life began to fall away. Her mind screamed to move, to run to him and help, do anything then just remain uselessly seated there. But her limbs laid on the seat lifeless, desperate but unable to be broken from their paralysis.

As if someone had answered her prayers, in a blink of an eye she stood above his body, a sudden snowstorm appearing and beginning to cover them both in its wake. Fear held her in a chokehold as her eyes ravaged Natsu's body for life, only slightly feeling relief to see his chest rise and fall. She leaned down to touch him, to tell him she was there, but the moment her finger stroked his cheek he disappeared into the wind. Lucy gasped, her hands reaching in the air to grasp at any semblance of him as his body turned into mist, but to no avail as he was carried off within the wind. It carried Natsu's essence upwards towards the stars until it was out of her sight.

Distraught, she turned her head back to where had laid, trying to understand what had just happened. But when she did, the intersection she stood in was now empty. The two cars that laid from the crash now gone, the deep snowstorm covering any proof they had been there at all. She turned around searching for Natsu or for anyone to help her grasp what was going on, but the only other presence were the streetlights that poured light onto her and the scene surrounding. With tension so thick it could be sliced by a butterknife; an eerie silence filled the area as if all the air had been stolen from the night. Lucy walked to the middle of the intersection, unsure of where to go but unable to stop herself from continuing, as if standing still would cause her to be carried away into the wind as well. A soft hum emerged from her left as she continued to wander, she paid it no mind despite the sound starting to grow. The sound, still amplifying, blended into the background noise of Lucy's mind as she searched for Natsu, although she saw him disappear her mind refused to believe he was gone.

Just as the sound became louder then her own jumbled thoughts, she finally turned her head to see what it was, annoyed that something could distract her from her search. But before she could even fully see what was causing the noise, it was already too late. She froze as she watched the car that she was just in speed towards her at light speed. The lights of the car blinding her, but just before she felt the car collide, the image of the driver became clear in her mind. Horror struck her heart, and her blood ran cold as she realized she recognized the person sitting in the car, despite all her hopes of finding him, she was torn to shreds to see it was Natsu behind the wheel this time.

Lucy sprang up to consciousness just as the car collided with her, she jolted upwards like one did when they woke up from a dream they were falling in. Her eyes scanned the room as the anxiety drained out of her body, it had only been a dream. But what in hell did this dream even mean? Her gaze then wandered back to Natsu, who still laid lifeless at the mercy of all the hospital machines. Guilt pulled at her heart strings at the sight, she had done this to him, just like her dream had shown her. Ignoring the dread weighing down on her chest, she pulled her phone out of the pocket of her dress, texts from everyone showing up in her notifications. She paid no mind to all of them but the one from Grey and Alex.

Grey had gone home and said if she needed anything to call whereas Alex had originally spammed her texts with questions on where she was, they soon turned to sincere after being made aware of what happened. He told her he would pick her up whenever she needed and to call when she's ready. Lucy sighed and closed her phone, not bothering to answer a single message from anyone. It was as if someone had sucked the life out of her bones, she felt fragile, broken, and small. She placed her phone on the bed and laid her head back down on the mattress, her spine opposed the position, sore from spending the night sleeping so uncomfortably, but she ignored it as she was beyond to tired to even shift from how she sat.

Slowly she felt sleep drag her back under, into the depths of her despair once more. This time no dreams afflicted her mind, instead her mind went black as even her brain seemed to be too exhausted to torment her. She wasn't sure how long she remained asleep, but when she awoke next it was when light streamed into the room from the open blinds. She craned her neck upwards from the position she was in and stared straight into the light despite the burning in her eyes. She continued to stare back at the light with menace, she just wanted to scream fuck you at it for waking her up from her slumber. But alas that wouldn't make the sun disappear, so she finally pulled herself back from where her head had laid on Natsu's bed and she began to stand. Her knees were so weak she was sure they would give out, but with annoyance fueling her motivation to stand, they didn't faulter. She reached the window on the other side of the room, beside it sat the chair where Guildarts had slept but he was gone now. He must've went to get breakfast or something she figured. As her hands reached to tug the blinds close, a hoarse voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Don't, the sun feels so nice."

The cracked whisper resonated within the room, it was so quiet and broken Lucy barley recognized who's voice it could be. But the feeling the words gave her made her sure who it was, it had been Natsu's voice. Lucy whipped around to look at the boy, he still laid in his bed, but the ventilator was now long gone, and his eyes were open. He wasn't just awake, but the small smile on his lips assured Lucy that he was okay.

Lucy didn't say anything as she continued to stare at him, lips parted as if she every word in her mind was about to tumble off her tongue, but somehow didn't. Natsu chuckled at Lucy's surprise, this of course sent him into a coughing fit, but he thought it was worth it.

The coughing got through to Lucy who had fallen deep into her own thoughts. Now present again, half asked questions fall out of her mouth, "When did you… how did…But you were..." She kept trailing off.

Natsu smiled as her mind tried to comprehend how he was awake, hell how he was even alive. And that was something even he too wasn't fully sure off. His last memory before awakening here was lying on the road, staring up at the stars, and allowing the calmness to lull him into the peacefulness sleep offered. Nonetheless he was now awake, and all the trauma that occurred could be delt with later, right now all he wanted was Lucy with him.

"Come here." He whispered and patted the bed. Lucy gave him a concerned look; she feared touching him would cause him pain. Natsu read the message before she even had to say it and spoke once more, "I promise you're not gonna hurt me, come here Luce."

Lucy gave him a weak smile and stumbled over, tripping on her destroyed dress. She sat on the edge of the bed and took Natsu's hand in hers once more, a simple gesture she had done so many times before, yet it felt so different now. Holding his hand after having to sit with the feeling of almost loosing him, loosing being able to just grab his hand, the gesture now carried more weight than she could ever explain.

"I woke up a couple of hours ago, the nurses took out the breathing tube, you slept right through it. Guildarts left maybe an hour ago to go get me some stuff at the house. He's also grabbing breakfast since the food here is crap." Natsu said, breaking the silence.

"How long have you been awake?" Lucy whispered, she felt terrible that she had slept through him waking up. He must've been terrified, and all Lucy did was nap straight through it, so much for a supporting girlfriend her mind thought. That sentence hit her like a punch in the gut, for soon she wouldn't be his girlfriend at all. She would become merely nothing to him all so that she could keep him safe. How redundant it all felt to her, she hurt him so she must hurt him again to prevent him from getting hurt more. The entirety of the situation made her head spin.

"I woke up officially around five but went back to sleep, woke up again around eight to find you snoring beside me." Natsu said with a small smile. When he first came to, he was not fully conscious. Though his body was prepared to be alive, his brain was not. He fell asleep moments after he was welcomed back to the land of the living. When he woke once more, it was to the soft sounds of Lucy sleeping. She was truly a sight to see, a morbid one at that. Her one beautiful dress was now covered in blood… his blood. The bottoms lace was shredded up and soaking wet from the snow. Though her hands were supporting her head, he could see the blood surrounding her nails. Although he was the one who was injured, he couldn't have imagined how Lucy felt. Guildarts had told him it was Lucy and Grey who had got him to the hospital in time, but at what cost? He could never in his worse nightmare imagine seeing Lucy in the state he was in. If the roles had been reversed, he would've shattered at the sight alone. But maybe that what made Lucy so different from him, her unrelenting strength, her courage to face fear in the eyes and tell it to fuck off even if she was at its mercy. But maybe it also made sense, she had watched so much of her life slip between the cracks, fall between the holes that she had no control over. Maybe that's why she was able to be so strong in that moment because this time she had control. She didn't just have to watch him fade away, she had the chance to save him, and she did… in so many ways.

"Oh…Sorry didn't mean to wake you." Lucy said as she looked down at her dress. Natsu gave her hand a soft squeeze, talking was still painful at the moment so he let the gesture do all the speaking. He stared at her for a moment, waiting for her to meet his gaze as they had done so many times before, but this time she didn't. As if someone was silencing her, she didn't speak, her eyes stayed glued downwards on her dress as if it was retelling her the story of last nights terrors.

His concern growing, Natsu squeezed her hand again to get her attention. "Luce... everything alright?" He asked softly.

Suddenly Lucy let go of his hand and spoke. "Natsu… I…" She stuttered off. She took a deep breath and prepared herself for it, but no preparation could stop the feeling off sheer anxiety clutching at her throat, the pure dread pumping through her veins. She wished she could stay like this a moment more, with Natsu by her side in their bubble of peace, but with every passing second doing it became a million times harder; It was now or never. Instantly reality came crashing down on her, she felt as everything she built shattered right before her eyes, but she swallowed it all down and forced it to stay there. There was no space for her emotions right now, she couldn't allow herself to feel this… not until after she did it. Feeling it meant begging for hope and there was no hope for Lucy here, in the end she was destined to walk alone.

"Natsu, I don't think I'm good for you." She managed to spit out. Words that used to slip off her tongue with ease when they spoke now seemed to have vanished, not a single word danced in her brain as she tried to think of how to word all of it.

Natsu's face drained of colour as he soon recognized where all of it was going, the air in the room suddenly felt suffocating and cold, he knew something dark now approached. Had he scared with his love to the point she would run? Had he caused this? The thoughts raced in his mind faster then he could even comprehend them.

"Luce… don-"Natsu tried to warn. He wouldn't let her fear chase her away from him.

"Natsu." Lucy whispered, she finally looked into his eyes. She gave him a soft smile, her eyes begging his to know this wasn't what she wanted, to figure it all out somehow… to save her once more. But alas the thoughts didn't transduce, and so Lucy continued. "We can't keep seeing each other. Its not anything you did… its…. its me." She whispered; her gaze still locked into his.

Natsu felt his heart drop further, his hand reached for hers once more but grasped onto nothing but air, it was as if he was actively watching her slip between his fingers, but he didn't know why. Suddenly he realized this was far beyond simple fear, something more had happened, and it was so bad Lucy was not just walking away… but running for her life.

"I don't understand. Lucy explain to me please. Did my accident scare you away? If you somehow feel guilty then don't! This had nothing to do with you. I promise I'm gonna be fine, we're gonna be fine…just please…. please don't leave me." His voice cracked as he began to hold back his tears. The heart monitor next to him began to beep as his heart began to race.

"It wasn't your accident, its nothing you did at all. I'm not scared… I just, I just can't be with you." Lucy said. She began to rise from the bed as she knew she would have to leave soon. As she began to stand Natsu's hand gripped her arm.

"Luce, I know you're not telling me everything. I'm begging you, stay. Stay with me and we can figure it all out. I love you… please don't leave me all alone…" He whispered as a tear fell from his eye. His hand shook on her arm as fear and confusion filled his chest. They had been perfect merely hours ago and now she couldn't be with him… what wasn't she saying? What was the true reason for this?

"Just know I love you and I'm doing this because I love you." Lucy said. She reached her hand down to where his grabbed her other arm. She squeezed his hand gently before pulling until he released her arm and his hand fell limply to his side.

Lucy began to walk out the room, but she paid him one last glance, letting her small voice of hope believe maybe he would figure this all out. But as she stared at the boy, lifeless and broken in his hospital bed, she realized this would be it. There would be no salvaging them or saving her, this was a choice she would have to live with. A choice she would chose every time if it ensured his safety.

The second she got out of the room she began to run, run as far as her feet would take her. She dashed down the flights of stairs as if she was in a burning building, as if there was no air left to breathe. She pushed on the emergency door of the hospital that lead to a side alley of the hospital. It was only there she fell to her knees and began to sob, she let all the fear, pain and anguish rip her to shreds. Everything she had built had fallen to pieces on the floor by her own hand. Suddenly something her dad said rang through her mind, but it had never made sense until now…

"You reap what you sow."

A/N: AHHHHH I POSTED YAYYYY! I literally just finished this chapter and the writers block was insane. Not to mention I started my second term of university this week and have the most massive cold ever but somehow at 3am I managed to get my shit together enough to post. I do apologize deeply for the longest wait ever! I hopefully will start posting weekly again as long as I don't get writers' block again. Anyways hope you enjoy the long awaited chapter, lmk if you have any comments or suggestions as I'm always looking to improve my writing:))

Until next time, CYA!

I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTER'S; I simply write the plot:) All rights are reserved by the creators of Fairy Tail.