Forty Five

Victoria was late.

Inwardly cursing Homer, who had held her up for fifteen minutes just to ask her opinion on calculations she didn't have to look at until next week, she slipped into the turbolift behind two ensigns and breathed out the name of her destination. Fortunately, her companions were talking amongst themselves, ignoring her as she quickly flipped through the PADDs in her arms until she found the right one. She was late, and unprepared, and Leonard hated it when she was late; he had hated it before they had even gotten together, but he wasn't polite about it anymore, rolling his eyes at her excuses and often refusing to even talk to her until his bad mood had subsided. He was a punctual man, he liked to live by a schedule, and she respected that; unfortunately, even on her best day, she was the complete opposite. Also, if she was honest with herself, it was a little funny to see how long he could go without smiling at her.

True to form, when she finally managed to rush through three sets of doors and past a bemused Julia Riley, she was already half an hour late, and Leonard was waiting for her in his office.

"You're late," he said, not looking up from his PADD.

"Sorry," said Victoria, shrugging out of her lab coat. Leonard still hadn't looked up, and she rolled her eyes before draping her coat across the back of the chair opposite his desk. Ignoring his slightly passive aggressive behaviour, she walked around the desk to kiss his cheek and sat down in his lap, pulling the PADD into her line of sight. When she realised what he was reading, she laughed. "Seriously? I thought we were working on antibody samples today."

"We're doin' that too," said Leonard. He finally looked at her, and he was smiling. But it wasn't the same smile he had given her that morning when she'd woken up and he'd brought her coffee again, even though she had slept in. Victoria knew this look; he had gone into doctor-mode, and it immediately made her wary. "Two birds, one stone," he added, when she still looked confused.

Frowning, Victoria's eyes landed on the desk in front of them, the only thing out of place being a box of equipment she recognised, but had no idea how to use. "Well, I can't use that," she said, pointing to the blood sample collection kit she vaguely recalled seeing in old textbooks. "Those are ancient, and taking blood from someone using a needle and a tube just feels barbaric now. Plus, we don't even have anyone here to take a sample from. All our patients are at least a two month journey away."

"I know," said Leonard, still smiling patiently. "That ain't for the vaccine. It's for you."

Victoria blinked, glancing between the equipment on the table, to Leonard's expression, before shaking her head firmly. Hell no. "Absolutely not."

Leonard didn't seem to find her tone definitive enough. "Look, I've been doin' some readin', and I think I know where we need to start with Nikols' research. A sample would –"

"You're not stabbing me with a needle!" Victoria snapped. Her heart was racing, and the tell-tale urge to run out of the room, an urge she hadn't felt in months in Leonard's presence, reared its ugly head again. "No, Leonard. Sorry. Come up with something else."

"I know it's unorthodox," he said, his hand rubbing up and down her arm soothingly. "And I know everybody hates needles, but I can't put you under for this, darlin'. That'll leave a paper trail. I promise, it'll be over so soon you won't even notice."

"Why can't you use a tricorder?" she demanded.

"I can, but it won't be as accurate," said Leonard, and somewhere in the back of her mind Victoria acknowledged that he was an incredibly patient man; there was no frustration in his tone, no matter how dark her glare got. "And it ain't in your arm, it's your leg."

Victoria froze. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I can rework the machine to test the blood from a site closest to your implant better than a normal sample," he explained. "We won't even have to do a biopsy. If I'm right, this'll be the only test I have to run on you."

"You want to use an arguably outdated piece of equipment, not even for the purpose it was originally intended, and do some kind of caveman procedure on me right here while I'm still awake?"

"Yes," he said simply. "And you're gonna let me."

Victoria snorted and stood up, stalking around the desk to pick up her lab-coat. "Like hell am I letting you do any of this. I'm leaving. Call me when you come to your senses."

Leonard didn't answer, but he stood up as well, stepping into her path to the door and grabbing her arm before she could leave the room. His grip tightened when she tried to pull away, and she gave him an affronted look. "Nice try. I know I'm not hurtin' you," he said, rolling his eyes. "Just hear me out, darlin'. Please."

Victoria shook her head. Her palms were already sweating, unbidden memories of the last time needles had poked into her skin flashing through her mind as she avoided Leonard's eyes and stared at the ground between them. The flesh of her arms broke out into goosebumps, and she desperately tried to pull her hands out of his grip before he could notice. "No. No."

"I'll be done in a few minutes, and we can work on something else for the rest of the day to take your mind off it," he assured her, still not letting her go. "I promise, you'll walk outta here in an hour and no one's gonna know what happened."

"If I walk over of here."

"I'm not gonna hurt you, Victoria, and I can't do any more without a sample," said Leonard, the edge in his voice the only indication that he was getting slightly frustrated. Instead of yelling at her – which, again, in the back of her mind, Victoria felt like he had every right to do – he let go of one of her arms to stroke the side of her face. "C'mon, darlin', don't you trust me?" he asked, his voice unbearably soft. "I can barely let you do those damn hypos by yourself in case you get a scar. You think I'd jam a needle into you, knowin' how much you hate it, if there was a chance in hell I didn't need to?"

Victoria felt her protests melt on her tongue at his words, and sighed. It was his voice, she realised, her shoulders slumping in defeat. He sounded so calm, so assured, and so unlike the doctors and scientists she had worked with before that, for a moment, she believed him. It wouldn't hurt, and it would be over soon, and she had enough to do to take her mind off of it for the rest of the day. It would barely take a minute. And he was doing this for her, she had to keep reminding herself. This wasn't his job. The least she could do was make it easier for him and cooperate. Hadn't all the other doctors told her she was being ridiculous, for panicking so much over a needle? If she kept refusing, Leonard would think the same. And the idea of him thinking she was silly didn't sit right with her.

Victoria bit her lip. "I do trust you," she admitted grudgingly. He smiled at that, and she added quickly, "But I've had blood samples taken before, and my reactions are not pretty. I get sweaty and stop breathing, and it's honestly the most unattractive thing you've ever seen. The last time someone tried, I think I even blacked out. Even if I wasn't sleeping with you, I wouldn't let you see me like that. And you want to take it out of my leg."

"I like your legs," he smiled wider, ignoring her half-hearted glare as he gave her a quick kiss. "It'll be over soon," he assured her, adding a kiss to her cheek this time. "I've got good hands, darlin'. You won't feel a thing."

"Stop distracting me from the fact that you're about to do some DIY surgery on me," muttered Victoria.

"I'll come up with plenty of distractions later," he promised, smirking at her. Satisfied that she wasn't going to run away now, he let go of her arm and indicated the sofa at the end of his office. "Sit down. I'll bring this stuff over."

As he pulled the kit towards himself and began to set it up, Victoria chewed her lip nervously and walked to the sofa, sitting down on the edge of it. Leonard snapped on a pair of medical gloves and picked up box, sitting down next to her and placing the box at their feet. Victoria twisted her hands in her lap, her anxiety building, but Leonard seemed determined to ignore it. Without asking for permission, he slipped his hand under her knee and pulled her leg up onto his lap, carefully folding the hem of her trousers up – she hadn't worn her uniform dress that day, and she almost wished she was better at laundry because she usually wore tights with the dress and that would have given her a few more seconds to prepare herself mentally. Instead, Leonard had already positioned her knee at an angle, and Victoria jumped when she felt the cold touch of the antiseptic wipe, causing goosebumps to erupt across her skin.

"You need to relax," sighed Leonard. "Lie down."

Victoria's eyes widened. "Why? Am I going to faint?"

"No," he said, but didn't elaborate. When she didn't immediately lie down, he pressed on her shoulder until she finally gave in and lay down, threading her fingers together over her stomach. Even though Leonard's touch was familiar, she still felt a sudden surge of anxiety when she realised she couldn't see anything; the only indication she had that he hadn't inserted the needle into her leg yet was the lack of pain.

"Alright," he said finally, and the smell of antiseptic got stronger as he tossed the wipe onto the floor, close to her head. "I'm gonna count to three, and put the needle in. It'll take a few seconds, then I'll take it out and you'll be done. There's nothin' more to it, and nothin' can go wrong here. Okay?"

"Okay," Victoria whispered. Her mouth was dry; she swallowed thickly. "Will it hurt?"

"Less than you think."

"Will it scar?"

"Not even if I did it wrong."

"Will you hold my hand the whole time?"

Leonard's lips twitched. "I'll even kiss it better when I'm done. How's that?"

Momentarily, she forgot her anxiety. "That was only cute when I didn't wake up in your bed every morning, Leonard," said Victoria, rolling her eyes. "Now it just feels like you're getting off easy."

"Trust me, darlin'," said Leonard dryly. "Nothin' about you is easy."

Victoria smiled wanly. His flippant confidence was almost reassuring, but only almost. He didn't know that her heart was beating a million miles a minute and she felt nauseous and dizzy all at once. Taking a deep breath, she scrunched her eyes shut as Leonard took the large needle out of the sterilised packet it was in, and tried to keep breathing.

"This'll barely pinch," said Leonard, but Victoria still didn't open her eyes. He sighed, and then his free hand was resting on top of her cold one, and she thought he was going to stop when he realised she was shaking. But after a few seconds, she heard a quiet, "Ready? One, two, three…" and felt the needle enter her skin. It was followed by the curious sensation that came with blood being pulled from her vein in that slow, meticulous way that immediately made the saliva pool in the back of her mouth in anticipation of bile and vomit.

"I'm going to throw up," she said suddenly, and her voice cracked. But she was frozen, and Leonard's hand was practically holding her in place, refusing to let her move even though she desperately wanted to.

"Relax," he said, not loosening his grip. "Almost done."

She was too afraid to open her eyes. "Please hurry." Leonard didn't answer, but his grip on her hand slowly loosened, and she felt the tell-tale sensation of the needle pulling out of her skin. Her eyes flew open "Is it done?" she demanded, a touch of hysteria in her voice.

"Yes," said Leonard, still sounding maddeningly composed. "C'mon, you can sit up now."

Finally. Slowly, Victoria sat up, resting her shoulder against the back of the sofa heavily. Leonard was watching her with a perfectly calm expression on his face, and it alleviated some of her anxiety; at least nothing had gone wrong. But then she realised his thumb was still pressed against the spot where the needle had been, and Victoria felt the bile rise up in her throat at the thought of it. As if he had read her mind, Leonard's free hand reached out to touch her cheek, and it was warm. Or maybe her skin was cold. She couldn't tell.

"You feelin' nauseous?" he asked. Miserably, she gave the slightest nod. "That's okay," he assured her. "Here." To her surprise, he wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her onto his lap easily. "Lean forward," he said, still in that quiet voice that could put her to sleep. Automatically, she obeyed, and the heaviness in her head receded when their foreheads touched. The normal temperature of his skin against her ice-cold face was a jolt to her senses, and some of the tension that had been coiling tighter and tighter in the pit of her stomach eased at the action. "Good girl," he whispered, and she faintly registered that he was holding one of her hands, her skin growing warmer as he rubbed circles into her palm with his thumb. But her other hand was still cold, and empty. Instead of holding it, she felt his fingers press into the inside of her wrist; he was checking her pulse. "Breathe for me. It's all over, I promise."

She didn't know how long they sat there, with her eyes closed and forehead against Leonard's as she struggled to take deep, calming breaths. Slowly, she stopped hearing her heart hammering in her ears, and the muscles in her forehead relaxed as her frown went away. When she finally got through five breaths without being able to feel bile in the back of her throat, she opened her eyes to find that Leonard's were already open, and watching her carefully.

She tried to smile. "Sorry," she muttered, her voice hoarse. "That was very dramatic."

Leonard smiled, and when he let go of her hands to take her into his arms, Victoria practically latched onto him eagerly. Her hands were still cold, and he was warm; bunching up the front of his uniform shirt in her hands, she nuzzled his neck contentedly, ignoring the chuckle that vibrated through his chest and against her hands at her actions.

"You're not dramatic," he said, and it took a few seconds before she realised he was replying to something she'd said, and not reading her mind. "You gonna tell me what that was all about, though?"

"I told you," said Victoria, without opening her eyes. "I hate needles."

"That wasn't just hate, darlin'. I've seen you less afraid when you ran into a collapsing tunnel to go find Jim."

"That was different."

"Fear is fear." He nudged her with his shoulder so he could see her face. "You should've told me you were gonna have a panic attack if I did that."

"I didn't know I would this time," she said honestly.

"So it's happened before?"

"I told you, I –"

"– don't like needles," Leonard finished her sentence for her flatly. "If I had known it was this bad, darlin', I wouldn't have asked you to do it."

"You told me there was no other way."

"There wasn't, but…" he trailed off, and made a noise of frustration. "I wouldn't have done it like that, darlin'. I could've calmed you down better."

"You did," said Victoria. She smiled reassuringly. "Being a human experiment means there were a lot of needles involved, okay? And not everyone has hands like yours. It just isn't the most fun of memories for me. I wouldn't have agreed if it wasn't you doing it."

Leonard frowned. "Why would they –"

"Why do you think?"

He stared at her. "You told me they didn't run any tests on you."

"I may have skipped some details," said Victoria hesitantly. "Like a six month stay in a private facility where my father paid a bunch of scientists to try and get this thing out of me. It didn't work," she added, when Leonard still didn't say anything. "And it was a long time ago, so we really don't have to get into it right now."

He was still frowning at her, and the vein throbbing in his forehead made Victoria balk a little. She braced herself, expecting questions and chastisement. But just like the last time Leonard had learned she was still hiding things from him, the rebuke never came. Instead, he took a deep breath and nodded, and Victoria breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly even more tired than before, she buried her face deeper into his neck. The longer she stayed in Leonard's arms, the easier it was to forget the last few minutes had even happened.

But even though Leonard's hands were still stroking her hair soothingly, the air was still thick with tension, and the weight of all thing unspoken. She couldn't take it, not now. "By the way," she mumbled, forcing her voice to sound light and airy. "This better not be your bedside manner for all your patients."

Leonard laughed, and the tension was broken. "Trust me, it isn't. If you were anyone else I'd have knocked you out to get you to shut up."

"Well, thank god for favouritism then."

He laughed again, and Victoria finally pulled away to catch the smile on his face. "Feelin' any better?" he asked, stroking her cheek.

"Much," she smiled back. "I'm not even tempted to call in sick and take the rest of the day off."

"Just try and get through this afternoon," said Leonard. "Spock and Jim are comin' to check up on us."

Victoria groaned. "Seriously? And you picked now to almost give me a heart attack?"

"Pretty much. Good thing I'm a doctor, huh?"

"Don't be so smug." Sighing, Victoria climbed off his lap and stood up carefully, testing her weight on her leg as though it was broken. But Leonard had been right; there was the vivid memory of the pain, but she could barely feel anything now. When she turned around to catch his eye, she expected him to be rolling her eyes at her. Instead, she found him watching her carefully, quickly plastering a smile on his face as he stood up too. Without a word, he kissed her cheek and walked past her to his desk, and she quickly fixed her uniform before following him, trying not to dwell too much on the emotion she'd seen in his eyes before he'd realised she was watching him.

It was pity.

!

"You're doin' it wrong."

"I am not."

"You are, and that's the second sample you're gonna ruin if you keep this up."

"Maybe because you keep talking when I'm trying to concentrate!"

"I wouldn't be talkin' if you did it right the first time."

"I told you, the set-up was –"

"Are we going to interrupt them?" asked Jim quietly, leaning towards his companion. "Or are we just hoping Tori doesn't actually turn her phaser on him like she threatened to do five minutes ago?"

"I have observed that their working relationship is more harmonious when they bicker," said Spock, his voice equally quiet. "I attempted to mediate their argument last week, and Dr. McCoy was most offended at my interference."

"Right," said Jim, wincing when he saw Victoria slap Leonard's hand away as he attempted to take a sample tube from her. "Remind me again why I have to be here?"

"It is an important project, Captain. You informed me you would like to be kept up to date with Dr. McCoy and Dr. Woodville's progress."

"I meant send me a memo, Spock, not make me watch the weirdest form of foreplay ever," sighed Jim. Spock raised his eyebrows, but didn't comment, and Jim pointedly cleared his throat, interrupting the argument that was still ongoing between the scientist and the CMO in front of him. "Right," he said slowly. "So far, what I've learned is that it's a miracle you two get any work done, since all you do is yell at each other."

"We aren't yelling," said Victoria immediately, while Leonard grunted something that sounded like 'she started it'. "And anyway, we're on track, aren't we?"

Jim looked Spock expectantly, who nodded in confirmation. "Their methods of working together are questionable, but I see no negative impact on their progress."

"Gee, thanks, Spock," said Leonard sarcastically. "Nice to know I can still do my job."

"Be nice to the commander," said Victoria, elbowing him in the side. "He should throw you in the brig for ruining my sample from yesterday."

"I didn't do –"

"As I was saying," interrupted Spock. "I have already had a meeting with Dr. Woodville this morning about the chemical makeup of the vaccines, and she assures me the prototype will be ready to enter phase one of trials next week."

"I've got the rest of the files in my office," added Leonard. "You need to see 'em now?"

"That would be acceptable," nodded Spock. "Captain, will you be joining us?"

"No, go ahead, I think I'll visit with Dr. Woodville," said Jim, and Victoria rolled her eyes. Spock merely nodded and walked out of the lab, and Jim picked up one of the PADDs on the desk, absently flicking through the data that, even he had to admit, was a testament to how well Victoria and Leonard were working together; he was sure there were only a handful of people on the ship who could come up with this much information in such a short amount of time. Just as he was about to put the PADD down and verbalise his praise, however, Jim noticed something strange from the corner of his eye; Leonard's hand, which had been holding sample tubes a minute ago, was suddenly empty, and as he picked up his PADD and got ready to leave, his hand rested against Victoria's briefly as he said something about seeing her later. To anyone else, it would have looked harmless; Jim had seen Leonard talk to plenty of his female friends, and his voice was always softer, his expression much less hostile – even though he tended to not smile at them quite as much as he smiled at Victoria. What was strange, though, was the way Victoria reacted. Instead of jerking her hand away – which Jim had seen her do multiple times, with other men as well as Leonard – she merely smiled back and nodded, as if their argument from the past few minutes was completely forgotten.

Well, well, well…

"So," said Jim, as the doors slid shut behind Leonard. "How are you?"

"Overworked and underpaid," deadpanned Victoria, beginning to clear up the desk in front of her. "Do you still have questions, or did you really stay back just to annoy me?"

"I have plenty of questions, but none of them are work-related," said Jim, and Victoria gave him a sharp look. He grinned. "I take it you and Bones are doing good?"

"If you mean us working together, yes. Spock is exaggerating, we weren't arguing last time he was here. We just work at different paces, in different ways. But as long as it gets done, isn't that all that matters?"

Jim held up his hands in surrender. "I know better than to question your methods, Tori. Or his, for that matter. Bones is a good doctor, if he thought this wasn't working, he wouldn't still be here."

"Neither would I," said Victoria, the hostility in her voice significantly decreasing when Jim agreed with her. "Okay, you can ask one personal question. One!" she snapped, when Jim perked up eagerly. "And it can't be the one you've asked before."

"Why?" asked Jim, grinning. "Has the answer changed?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"We both know what my question is, Tori. I mean, I should have seen it coming," Jim tapped his chin thoughtfully. "You find out what we did after Julia's wedding and ran out of my office ready to tear his head off, and the next day I see him in Sickbay and you in your lab like nothing happened. He's still reading all that top-secret research peacefully, and as far as I know you've even agreed to a few tests to help him out. Seems to me you two are getting along. Very well."

"We are getting along," said Victoria evenly. She studiously avoided eye-contact as she picked up medical gloves and other instruments, throwing them into the sterilisation tray. "But that's all there is to it. I can't exactly rip the head off of someone who is trying to help me, can I?"

"Have you discussed his reasons for wanting to help you?"

"You said it yourself, he's a good doctor," she shrugged. "Why wouldn't he help me?"

Jim raised his eyebrows. "You can't be that stupid."

"Maybe I am. Are you going to fire me?"

He snorted. "Fine, Tori. Have it your way. I'll talk to Bones about it later. If there's nothing to talk about, he can tell me to shut up too," he added, when Victoria opened her mouth to argue. "Unless there is something that you don't want him to tell me?"

Lips pursed, Victoria shook her head once. Liar. Unperturbed, Jim clapped his hands together and stood up, indicating that he was ready to leave. Just one more thing… "Anyway," he said, his tone casual. "I did actually want to ask you something. Are you busy next Friday?"

Victoria narrowed her eyes. "I'm probably working. Was that really your question?"

He ignored her suspicious tone. "Can you get out of work? Come on, it's for Bones."

Victoria sighed. "Why? Does he need to know what I'm doing next Friday?"

"I think he'd like to know, considering it's his birthday," said Jim. Victoria froze, and Jim smirked at her expression. Gotcha. "I thought that would get your attention. So, Friday? Yes or no?"

Victoria blinked. "You shouldn't throw him a party," was all she said. "He'd hate it."

"Oh, he'd totally hate it, that's why we're doing it," Jim continued to grin. "I take it you're in?"

"Yeah, sure," said Victoria absently. "Just let me know when. And where."

"Friday, my quarters, nineteen hundred hours. You can bring him," he threw over his shoulder, already halfway to the door. "He'll be more surprised if it's you, since you don't know when his birthday is."

"Yeah," Jim heard her say quietly, as the door closed behind him. "I had no idea."

!

She couldn't breathe. Every time she tried, her nasal passages would fill with dirt, and then she would cough, and every time she would open her mouth to cough she tasted more dirt. The weight on her chest wasn't lifting no matter how hard she moved, and she couldn't even move enough, because she couldn't feel her right arm at all. Or her right leg. Everything around her was black, or maybe it was brown, but she couldn't tell because it was so dark. The ringing in her ears could be from when she'd hit her head – she had heard the crack of her skull against the wooden beam behind her, she had felt something break – but it could also be the alarms ringing, telling everyone to evacuate the planet.

But they wouldn't know where she was. And they would leave without her. They had to, if they wanted to survive. At least she had gotten Jen out.

The wooden beam her shoulder was resting on shifted suddenly, and Victoria opened her mouth to scream, choking on dirt again as the pain shot through her shoulder. She could hear yelling now, and tried to open her eyes, a desperate twinge of hope growing in her chest. Had someone found her? Could someone hear her? She tried to scream again, but she merely inhaled dirt, and the taste was vile in her mouth. And then she was choking, and the weight on her chest was moving…

Gasping for air, Victoria's eyes flew open, and she automatically tried to sit up, but the curious weight on her chest wasn't just in her dream, and she felt trapped. But as her eyes adjusted to the darkness around her, and her breathing didn't taste like dust and dirt, she realised the ceiling was that of a starship, and the warmth next to her wasn't the remains of a dying planet, but a human being.

She was safe.

Closing her eyes, Victoria attempting to calm her racing heart, but her pulse was still thundering in her ears. It took her a few more seconds to realise why; she remembered falling asleep on her side, with Leonard's arm around her waist from the back. But she had shifted onto her back in the middle of the night, and Leonard's arm was now thrown over her stomach, pinning her down in place. The weight wasn't uncomfortable, but it was unfamiliar, and even though realistically she knew she could nudge him away and he probably wouldn't wake up, the fact that she was effectively stuck was making her heart race even faster. She was trapped. She felt trapped. It was worse than before, because now even though her eyes were open, she felt as though she couldn't move.

Next to her, Leonard's breathing was still quiet and even. She should wake him up, she knew that; if that day had shown them anything, it was that he was good at calming her down, and right now she felt as though her heart was going to beat right out of her chest if she didn't do something. Victoria hadn't had nightmares since they'd started spending the night together, so it wasn't even that he'd resent her for disturbing him. But then the face he'd made when she told him about her fear of needles flashed through her mind again, and she winced. He already pitied her; how long before he realised she was too damaged to be worth the trouble?

Decision made, Victoria took a deep breath and smoothly slipped out of bed, right under Leonard's arm, without waking him up. The chill of the room hit her bare legs suddenly, but she didn't want to risk looking for her clothes and waking him up. Ignoring it, she pulled down the sleeves of her shirt – Leonard's shirt, that she had worn every night since the first night she'd slept with him – until they covered her hands, and quickly padded to the bathroom. As the door shut silently behind her, she didn't bother locking it and flicked on the light, sinking down onto the floor and burying her face in her hands. Ten minutes, she told herself, biting her lip so her sobs weren't loud enough to wake up Leonard. For ten minutes, she would allow herself to feel scared and miserable and in pain, but only for ten minutes. After that, she would go back to bed and pretend this never happened.

But it took longer than ten minutes for her tears to run out, and her shaking to stop. When Victoria finally removed her face from her hands and blinked against the harsh light of the bathroom, the first thing she thought of was a desperate prayer that Leonard was still asleep. She hadn't even checked the time before she had tried to schedule her breakdown; how long had she been inside? Had he noticed? Would he finally ask her about it?

Picking herself up off the ground, she slowly turned on the tap in the skin and washed her face with cold water, hoping the temperate would be enough to minimise the puffiness around her eyes. With any luck, the room would still be in darkness and she could claim a restless night if Leonard asked why she looked so tired in the morning. Refusing to look in the mirror, she scrubbed the water off with a towel and switched the light off, taking a deep breath as the bathroom door opened. She released it with a sigh of relief when she saw that the room was still dark, and Leonard was still asleep. Pushing her sleeves back up her arms, she quickly got into bed and turned on her side, away from him, clenching her eyes shut and preparing to pretend nothing had ever happened.

Instead, she almost jumped out of her skin when Leonard shifted behind her and drew an arm around her waist, pulling her back into his chest.

"Where'd you go?" he asked sleepily in her ear. "S'not mornin' yet."

"Nowhere," Victoria whispered back automatically. Without turning around, she slipped her fingers through his and pressed a kiss to the back of his hand. "Did I wake you up?"

She felt him shake his head behind her, and then kiss her neck, which made her smile. "Havin' a bad night?" he asked, and Victoria's heart almost stopped beating. She turned around in his arms quickly and tried to make out his expression in the dark, but Leonard's eyes were half-closed and he genuinely seemed to be fighting off sleep to talk to her. Clearly, he had no idea why she had actually woken up.

"A little," hedged Victoria. Eyes mostly closed, Leonard frowned and made a noise of sympathy, and Victoria almost laughed at how hard he was trying to stay awake. "It's okay," she assured him. "Go back to sleep. I'm tired too."

She only got a grunt in reply, and for the first time she was grateful for how much of a workaholic Leonard was, and how tired he got on a daily basis. As he mumbled a good night and tightened his grip around her, Victoria closed her eyes and tried to focus on the even breathing of the very alive, and very safe, man next to her, instead of the memories of pain and fear that lingered at the fringes of her consciousness, threatening to overpower her again.

Hello! If you're still around after my sporadic update schedule in 2022, you are very kind - I hope you stick with me as I try to keep up with this story and real life all at once! LLAP xx