Ash knocked on the door of Virbank Gym.

There was a long pause, during which a faint rumble of music died away, and then the Gym Leader opened the door.

"Yeah, who is it?" she asked, refocused, then nodded contemplatively. "Huh. Ash Ketchum, right? I wondered if you'd turn up here."

"Was it something that might not have happened?" Pikachu asked. "Oh, wait, never mind, we could have gone to several other eighth gyms."

"Yeah, exactly," Roxie agreed. "But I've heard a lot about you guys… at first I wondered if you were trendy, but I think I'm pretty convinced by now that you're more punk than trendy."

Ash looked politely blank. "Uh… punk and trendy?"

"Punk's a philosophy," Roxie explained, waving a hand and sending her pink-and-blue sleeves bouncing. "It says you don't care what anyone thinks about what you do or how you look, it just matters what you are. It's perfect for the Poison type, because of how often people say the Poison-type's icky or disgusting – the Poison-type doesn't care about that! It cares about what matters to it, and that's nothing to do with being trendy!"

"So I'd assume then that being trendy is the opposite of being punk?" Cilan said. "Because being trendy is doing things based on how other people think?"

"Exactly," Roxie confirmed. "See, this geezer gets it."

Cilan looked troubled. "...geezer?"

"But what do you do if the punk look becomes fashionable?" Pikachu asked. "That seems like a pretty major possibility."

"Tch," Roxie shrugged. "Sellouts exist, but doing stuff because they're being trendy copying punk would be being trendy too, you get it?"

"So… it's like the Ghost type?" Ash tried. "It's not Normal and it can damage itself?"

Roxie snorted. "If you want to think of it that way, sure… anyway, you're here to challenge me or something, right?"

"Yeah, unless that's trendy," Ash replied. "I wouldn't want to make you do it if you didn't want to… though I guess I'd ask why that's your job?"

"Nah, trendy isn't just what people are doing," Roxie said. "Okay, look… the reason I thought you might be trendy at first was that you had all the kind of Pokémon that people want to get, like Legendary Pokémon and stuff like that, but then I saw more of you being a trainer and more of you interacting with your Pokémon and I realized that it's nothing to do with trendy. You just like your Pokémon. And that's punk."

"Punk is confusing," Iris mumbled. "So what's all the spitting and stuff about?"

"Because punk is meant to not be commercialized, if at all possible!" Roxie declared. "So doing stuff that's harmless but offensive keeps your image from being wholesome, so it fends off the dread hand of…"

She shuddered. "Merchandise."

"Wow," Pikachu said. "Apparently I'm sort of punk."

"I'm pink!" Mew contributed. "Ooh, are Mew punk or trendy?"

Roxie examined the squeaky little Psychic-type for several seconds.

"You can turn into a Porygon, right?" she asked. "Or a Torkoal? Because those are potentially cyberpunk and steampunk."

"If you want steam, Volcanion is the way to go!" Mew told her. "But what are those words in front of punk for?"

"Punk is about transgressing boundaries," Roxie said. "And that includes taking one style of things and looking at it from another perspective. Cyberpunk is about the future and how it'll look if you don't assume it'll all get shiny and new, but stays messy and complicated."

She shrugged. "Unfortunately, steampunk has just turned into a trendy way to add steam pipes to things without the same kind of social commentary."

Cilan raised his hand. "Aren't you a musician?"

"Social commentary in music can be subversive," Roxie defended herself. "Anyway, uh, we should probably actually get to that challenge… I've been doing my degree coursework recently."

She fixed Cilan with a brief glare. "And before you ask, I'm doing social science in a correspondence course at a Kalosian university. Not buying a degree from an over-commercialized Unovan degree mill. My professor sent me an email yesterday that was an eight page complaint about house prices and I have to do a social analysis on it, it's great."

Zygarde looked up at Ash. "Query. Is this gym leader actually one of the most responsible we have found in Unova?"

"...she actually might be," N admitted. "I don't think anything she's said so far has broken any of the Unova Gym Code of Conduct. Except for Rule 36b, but everyone does that."

"Rule 36b," Arc stated. "Gym leaders may not use inflatable decoys of their Pokémon to battle Electric type Pokémon. I am fairly sure that not everyone does that."

"I mean the one about keeping personal Pokémon separate from gym Pokémon," N sighed. "I should really start looking these up before saying them."

"Okay, so… right, rules," Roxie realized. "So, because you're a tough trainer and everything, I'm not going to do what I usually do, which is offer to let you battle three of my Pokémon with six of yours. Instead, let's try this… you get up to three Pokémon, but you have to switch out after each time one of my Pokémon faints."

She waved her hand. "That's Toxic for you!"

"Right," Ash said, already thinking. "Okay, I know who I'm using for this because it's their turn…"

Roxie held up a Pokéball, waited for Ash to do the same, then sent out a massive Garbodor.

Sandile came out with a flash of light, did a double-take, then rummaged in the ground next to him and pulled out a sheaf of paper.

"Uh…" he said, flicking through. "Let's see… right, there we go. Garbodor beats Palpitoad, which-"

He stopped, rolled his eyes, and gave Ash a look. "You know, it helps if you stick at least vaguely close to the script?"

"But I did?" Ash replied. "I'm pretty sure I got all my lines right, or if I didn't Luke had me retake them until there was a good take… sometimes that wasn't the line on the script, but only because Luke thought something else was better."

"Look, if you're going to get recursive with me then I can't be expected to work under these conditions," Sandile complained, crossing his forearms. "Anyway, let's see what we're dealing with here."

Roxie picked up a guitar, and played an echoing chord. "Begin! Garbodor, Stockpile!"

"Garbodor!" Garbodor called, starting to glow.

"Okay, uh… get ready to Dig," Ash decided. "And use Power Trip!"

"But Trip's miles away," Sandile said. "Actually, he doesn't appear again for several episodes, so it might take a long time to get there."

"I mean the attack," Ash replied.

"Hey, that does make more sense," Sandile agreed, diving into the ground before springing up next to Garbodor and slapping the Poison-type with his tail.

It went clang, and some of Garbodor's surface shifted to reveal a large shopping trolley acting as a kind of armour.

"Is that allowed?" Iris checked.

"Yeah, it's food," Roxie replied. "You don't disqualify an Emolga or whatever just because they had breakfast, do you?"

She shrugged, playing another chord. "Garbodor gets take-out. He takes all the rubbish out of the canals and eats it."

"I'm not sure that was very punk," Emolga complained. "More of a dad joke."

"Dad-punk is a thing!" Roxie replied. "Or it is now, anyway."

"See, I'm starting to get the picture that you just don't like me," Sandile said, head poking out of the ground, then ducked back down again as Garbodor flung a discus at him. "And that reminds me! Who's disposing of Olympic sports equipment in a canal?"

"Frustrated athletes," Garbodor shrugged.

"That's a surprisingly good answer," Sandile conceded, then did an underground flip-turn and tilted his head at Ash. "Hey, eh… any ideas, boss?"

"Well, uh…" Ash began, thinking.

"Awp, hold that thought," Sandile added, as Garbodor started flailing around with a pair of shopping baskets.

"Wait, I know!" Ash decided. "Garbodor's Stockpiling everything, you can use that! Seed Bomb!"

Sandile reached into the ground and brought out a large spherical bomb with a hissing fuze. "This do?"

"Exactly!" Ash agreed.

"Spit Up!" Roxie interrupted.

Sandile threw the Seed Bomb, which intercepted Garbodor's Spit Up coming the other way, and there was a very big explosion.

Ash shaded his eyes, trying to see through the smoke, and spotted Sandile had somehow ended up perfectly flat against the wall.

"So this is what Flatter feels like," the Dark-type said, then shook his head and pulled himself off the wall. "What now, boss?"

"Dig!" Ash ordered, pointing at the still-woozy Garbodor. "He can't heal now!"

Sandile pulled a big spade out of the ground and hit Garbodor over the head with it.

"This was quicker," he explained. "We want to get this over before the ad break."

Once Ash had switched Sandile out again – Garbodor had been knocked out, but Roxie's rules meant he had to change Pokémon rather than doing it because he wanted to – his Oshawott took his place on the field.

"Let's do this!" he said, taking up his Scalchop proudly. "Who's my opponent?"

"Not sure yet," Ash replied. "Let's see!"

Roxie held up a Pokéball, and a Scolipede emerged with a flash.

"Oh, okay, a Scolipede," Oshawott said, thinking. "They're good at rolling, right?"

"Steamroller!" Roxie ordered, and Scolipede jumped forwards before tucking-and-rolling forwards into a high-speed charge.

Oshawott yelped, jumping into the air, and just about avoided being hit by the fast-moving Bug-type. His feet waved in the air, then landed on a current of swirling water, and he let out a sigh of relief.

"Phew," he said. "Now, um, Strengthen my Heart, Scalchop!"

His blade flared up, then split in half to form a pair of scalchops. Both of them lit up white, and Oshawott looked from one to another.

"That's new," he said. "I don't think I ever got that one before!"

"What is it?" Ash called.

"Double Hit!" Oshawott replied. "Are you allowed to ask Zacian to give me advice? I'm not sure how to dual wield!"

"Scolipede, jump!" Roxie called, and Oshawott got knocked off his water current. He formed a new one on the way down, skating in a three-quarters-circle, and slid to a halt with a swoosh of spray.

"You did one handing, right?" Ash asked.

"Well, yeah!" Oshawott replied.

"Megahorn!" Roxie said.

"And I know Zacian wouldn't let you rely on just one paw!" Ash added. "So do two one-handed ones at once!"

"That actually helps!" Oshawott shot back, blocking Scolipede's Megahorn with both Scalchops at once. They came from different directions, resulting in a scissor-block, then he made his current force him upwards and over Scolipede's head. "Hey, you're right, this isn't as hard as I thought!"

He landed, rolled, spun around, and saw Scolipede was spinning up towards him.

"One blade up behind you!" Ash called. "No, to your right, and turn so your left side faces Scolipede – now, the other one down!"

Oshawott briefly shaped himself into the form of a ramp, and Scolipede went flying into the air before landing with a crash.

"Watch out for that trick," Roxie advised. "In fact, Sludge Bomb!"

"Dive through with a swipe!" Ash said. "As fast as you can so the wind blows the attack apart!"

"Right!" Oshawott agreed, jumping and swiping at the Sludge Bomb. It went cleanly in half, and Oshawott dodged through the middle – only to get hit by a Rock Tomb attack, knocking him to the floor and stunning him slightly.

"Now, get him!" Roxie called.

"Form a current!" Ash countered. "Have it go towards Scolipede and jump off!"

Oshawott duly formed a current of water and jumped off it, leaving it for Scolipede, and the fast-rolling Steamrollering Poison-type got onto it and promptly stopped moving. Their maximum speed wasn't enough to overcome the water current Oshawott had set up, and Ash pointed.

"Now, Double Hit!"

It took several Double Hits to finally beat Scolipede, and Oshawott was visibly tired by the time he did – not to mention poisoned – but Roxie eventually recalled her Bug-type.

"Not bad," she decided. "Double Hit is an odd move to teach him, especially without finishing, but I guess not using normal movesets is pretty punk."

"Thanks," Oshawott said, panting. "I think. Okay, how do I turn these off again?"

He thumped them against the floor, and both of them deactivated.

"Huh," he said. "Apparently I have two now."

"That's probably because you're a Dewott now," Ash suggested. "You evolved when you did that."

"Ooh," Dewott said, thinking out loud, and inspected his twin Scalchops. "I wonder if I can do different attacks with them?"

Then he fell over.

"Doesn't evolving mean a Pokémon gets cured of whatever status was affecting them before?" N asked. "I thought that was in the rules somewhere."

"For a card game, yes," Arc told him. "Otherwise, no."

Both the rules and the fact Dewott was now unconscious meant that Ash had to switch out for another Pokémon, and he sent out Leavanny just before Roxie sent out her third Pokémon.

"Oh, that's interesting," Iris said. "Isn't that one of the Dragon-type's best answers to the Fairy type?"

"Heh, probably," Roxie said, as her Dragalge went splotch onto the arena. "Honestly I don't bother thinking much about how to beat Fairy types, it's usually super obvious how for me."

"Unless they're also Steel types, right?" Ash checked. "Like Crowned Sword Zacian, or a Mawile."

"Well, I do have a Salandit," Roxie told him. "But he's not really the best choice against a Pokémon like a Legendary… he's more of a surprise for anyone who tries to beat me with an all-Steel team."

She shook her head. "Anyway, that doesn't matter right now. What matters is that your Leavanny's going to have a difficult job battling Dragalge!"

"Am I?" Leavanny asked, scratching her head with one of her leaf-blades. "Because it looks a lot like that Pokémon can't move."

"Nah, he's fine," Roxie said. "Begin!"

Dragalge immediately spat out a Dragon Pulse jet which knocked Leavanny into the far wall.

"Dragalge," Ibid volunteered, as Leavanny staggered a step away from the wall and then began fast-roping around with String Shot. "The evolved form of Skrelp. They stick the top of their heads out of the water to gain Dragon energy."

"Oh, I get it," Ash realized. "So because his entire body's out of the water, he's got loads of it!"

"Yeah, exactly," Roxie said, making a rude gesture at Leavanny out of what could have been habit. "He's got other tricks too, though… Acid Armor!"

Dragalge dissolved into a puddle, and Leavanny's blade-swipe just split the puddle in half before it reformed.

"What do I do now?" Leavanny checked.

"Hold on a moment, I'll think of something," Ash said. "For now, use String Shot a lot!"

"What's that you've got there?" Cilan said, as Iris checked through a list on a notepad.

"Oh, I'm trying to rate some of the unusual Dragon-types I've seen on my travels," Iris explained. "This is my first time actually seeing a Dragalge up close, so I'm trying to work out where it fits."

She frowned. "The only thing is, I'm not sure if this counts as a Dragalge battling in the environment where it'd be best suited. I think they're better underwater?"

"Acid!" Roxie called, and Dragalge's head appeared for long enough to spit a ball of gunk at Leavanny. She got out of the way, but it melted through four of her String Shot wires before hitting the wall and leaving a blotched mark with a hiss.

"That seems to be eating through the wall," Emolga said. "Is that normal?"

"It's a Poison gym and a punk rock venue," Roxie replied. "This is just distressed walls."

"Leavanny!" Ash called. "Rock Throw, but make the rock out of chalk!"

"I don't know how to do that," Leavanny admitted.

"Well, uh, grab a rock from the ground with String Shot!" Ash called. "And throw it with the String Shot like a bolas! That's Rock Throw!"

Leavanny looked around, not seeing any rocks, then took Roxie's comment about distressed walls to heart and sliced her way into the floor.

Dragalge flopped over to pour acid down the hole, but a String Shot wire snapped up to connect with the ceiling and Leavanny yanked herself clear before flinging the rock.

"Right!" Ash said. "Now you know Rock Throw, just do it again with chalk! Chalk's made of millions of tiny plants, so it's sort of Grass type!"

Zekrom burst out of his Luxury Ball.

"Hey, no interruptions," Roxie protested.

"I'm not interrupting," Zekrom replied. "This is just thoroughly Ideal and I'm taking notes."

Leavanny launched out a second rock, then at Ash's instructions she snagged it before it landed and sliced it into dust with a barrage of Leaf Blade attacks. Fine chalk dust went everywhere, and Ash pointed.

"Now, go in for a Cut attack!"

"Acid!" Roxie called, and Dragalge exploded.

"Who decided to teach you basic chemistry?" Pikachu asked. "When they said a little knowledge was a dangerous thing…"

"Mostly Boldore told me," Ash shrugged. "It's to do with chalk so I guessed she knew what she was talking about!"

Dragalge finally peeled off the ceiling, and Roxie inspected the Dragon-type before deciding he was probably knocked-out and returned him.

"All right," she said. "I don't normally give out badges, but here you go."

"You don't normally give out badges?" Iris repeated. "Why not?"

"...because I usually win?" Roxie replied. "Nothing says a gym challenge has to be easy, just possible."

AN:

If punk is trendy, something weird is going on.