Chapter Five: So, What Have We Learned Today?

It didn't take long for Kazuma to realize that befriending Luna was quite possibly the best initial step he could have taken.

When he'd exited his room, he found Luna sitting alone in the common room just as yesterday, although this time the place was pretty full: other students chatting or reading or even playing what looked like a variant on chess. Luna, however, sat alone and as far away from everyone else as possible. Based on some of the looks he got from others as he approached her, that was not her choice. Based on the look he got from Luna, though, he'd probably need to adjust his schedule so that he woke up when she did: a little girl who'd just gotten a puppy wouldn't have smiled that widely.

No one else even tried to talk with him once he sat next to her, and for that he was grateful. If Luna also provided a shield against any unnecessary conversations on top of everything else he knew about her, then he'd stick with her until the end of time.

As it was, the two of them went to breakfast together, Kazuma piling a plate full of anything that looked interesting while Luna just had some toast. He would have enjoyed devouring his meal in silence, but fewer than three minutes had passed before Megumin had made her way over to the Ravenclaw table again, somehow carrying even more food than Kazuma did.

This time, Megumin became the target of a bit of staring, but the reaction was nowhere near as severe as yesterday's dinner: perhaps it didn't take long for the student body here to get used to something new.

Luna appeared no exception to that. She and Megumin introduced themselves very quickly and then got to talking, the two of them making conversation like they'd known each other for years. While the two of them being close gave Megumin more of an opportunity to cause chaos, if it made Luna this happy, who was he to complain about it?

The topic of choice eventually switched to their classes for the day, Megumin taking the lead. "I've got Potions, Ancient Runes, Charms, and Divination today, and I have Astronomy tonight. I'm looking forward to Charms, but the rest looks kind of iffy at the moment. What about you?"

"None of our courses match," Luna said, which was super helpful because Kazuma didn't remember the first thing about his schedule for the day. "We've got Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures, Transfiguration, and History of Magic. I hope Care of Magical Creatures is still enjoyable without Hagrid; I really liked him."

The conversation continued in earnest for about ten more minutes, but then Luna chomped down on her last bite of toast and abruptly rose from her seat. "We need to start heading to class. It's starting in twenty minutes and the greenhouse is pretty far away."

Well, that gave Kazuma an entry point. "Do you mind if I follow you there?"

"No problem."

Just like that, the two of them set off for their opening lessons, Kazuma wondering just what he'd be able to do once the ball started rolling.

Ginny's first class of the new year was Defense Against the Dark Arts with the newly-appointed Professor Umbridge. While she hadn't heard great things about her from Harry following his trial, maybe she was better suited as a teacher than a juror. Halfway there, she realized that she'd forgotten about Darkness and doubled back, only to find her walking to class alongside Colin. She stuck with them anyway, though: it gave her an excuse to have a nice conversation and ease off her nerves before classes started once more.

Upon entering Professor Umbridge's room, Ginny was greeted with a room so sickeningly cute that Cupid would have told her to tone it down. The room was full of things that either had unnecessary frills tacked onto them, were some shade of pink, had a picture of a kitten somewhere on it, or some combination thereof. Umbridge herself sat behind her desk, dressed in the same cardigan from the day before and sporting the same black bow.

A few more minutes elapsed as the class filled with students, and then Professor Umbridge rose from her seat (although it barely looked like it, since was somehow on the shorter side compared to the class) and began to address them all. "Good morning, class. How pleasant it is that I get to start the day with a class like yours! Now, wands away and quills out, please."

Well, that bode ill. Ginny complied, as did everyone else, but that left her in the dark on the lesson plan. Umbridge didn't keep her that way for long, though: as soon as every desk had nothing on it but writing material, the blackboard at the front of the room displayed a handful of bullet points, all of them written in an overly fancy manner that just had to be Umbridge's handwriting. The letters were too small for Ginny to read, and she didn't even have the time to do so: before a single word of information made its way to her brain, Darkness' hand was in the air.

At the very least, Umbridge seemed more receptive to outside input than she had during her opening speech, handling that situation right away. "What is your name, sweetie?"

That tone and language felt wildly inappropriate for the situation on multiple levels, but Darkness didn't seem to mind. "My name is Darkness, madam."

Professor Umbridge chuckled in a manner that she probably thought was endearing, although to Ginny it just sounded ludicrously saccharine. "We don't have time for silly games today, 'Darkness.' Could you please tell me your real name?"

Darkness refused to relent. "Everyone who knows me calls me Darkness. Therefore, I would much prefer it if you also referred to me as Darkness."

Umbridge's smile became far more pinched than before (something Ginny might have thought quite impressive in another situation) but she kept both it on her face and herself on topic. "I presume you have a question?"

"More like a statement, but close enough," Darkness said. "I would simply like to say that if you wish to demonstrate any of these dark curses we must learn to defend ourselves from, I would be more than happy to be your test subject. I find it useful to experience them for myself."

Umbridge chuckled. "We're not doing that."

Darkness' face fell. "I assume we'll cover them later?"

"They're not being covered, period," Umbridge said. "There is simply no need to learn such things in this class."

If anyone else had said that, or Umbridge had said that at any other time, Ginny might have laughed. However, Umbridge made that statement with a straight face and kept it, rendering what she'd said confusing at best and outright infuriating at worst. She did realize that every year, their exams in this class had a practical portion, right? How were they possibly going to pass that if they never got the chance to practice?

She didn't seem to be the only one there, because as soon as she stopped talking, someone else's hand shot up. Umbridge let him stay that way for far longer than Ginny expected before finally calling on him. "And your name is?"

"Evan Watkins, ma'am. I must ask, isn't this class called Defense Against the Dark Arts? Shouldn't we actually get a chance to learn how to defend ourselves?"

"Oh, I'm not saying we'll refrain from doing that," Professor Umbridge said. "You'll simply learn how to do so using theory."

"But that doesn't—"

"I've answered your question," Umbridge said, cutting him off. "If you have any further questions, then raise. Your. Hand."

Colin decided to take a shot. Another unnecessarily long pause later, he introduced himself and began speaking. "Will this theory be of any use if we get attacked?"

Umbridge didn't seem to get the question, taking a few seconds to figure out what she wanted to say. "Do you expect to be attacked during this class?"

"No, but—"

"Then consider that matter settled," Umbridge said, her voice taking on a nasty edge. "There is no reason to question why you're learning what you're learning for this course."

And that settled it. Ginny was done playing this woman's stupid game. She clearly either was or wanted to be blissfully ignorant of all the terrifying things that had happened at Hogwarts even since she'd been here. Time to bring everything out into the open and see what she had to say then.

An almost painful amount of time later, Umbridge finally acknowledged her. "And you are?"

"Ginny Weasley, Professor."

"Do you have a question about the textbook?"

Since the same could be said the other way around, Ginny didn't even bother answering the question. "You remember what happened during my first year, right? With the diary?"

Ginny hated bringing up that incident unless she absolutely had to, but Umbridge had already burned through whatever goodwill Ginny had brought to class with her. Maybe she had something else up her sleeve that Ginny didn't know about at the moment, but that little nugget of data invalidated just about everything she'd said thus far.

Umbridge sat there in silence for a couple of seconds, but she came up with a somewhat-rational answer there, even if it dodged the point Ginny wanted to make. "A cursed artifact made its way inside the school and temporarily possessed a student. It was dealt with before any casualties or significant injuries occurred."

Colin piped up upon hearing that. "What, they don't count being turned into a statue for months as—"

As expected, Umbridge shouted, "Hand, Mr. Creevey!"

Unfortunately for her, though, at that point the cat was well outside the bag, everyone else adding their own incidents without even bothering to raise their hands, talking over any attempts she made to shush them. "What about the craziness with Sirius Black?"

"Or a Death Eater teaching at Hogwarts for nine months before anyone noticed?"

"Or when the Quidditch pitch got swarmed by dementors?"

"Or everything that happened with Professor Quirrell?"

Umbridge's face kept turning a deeper shade of red throughout all of this. Once Professor Quirrell came into play, something snapped. "Quiet! Sit down and remain silent, all of you! If I hear one more unapproved word during the rest of this lesson I will give this entire class detention!"

Ginny marked that as a win. She had no other points to make: the logical follow-through to all the events that had been brought off worked just as well unsaid. Darkness, however, didn't seem to think so, because her hand rose again as soon as Umbridge was finished speaking.

Umbridge made a point of ignoring her for several minutes, but as a result, found herself the subject of a steadily increasing number of stares. Eventually, even the handful of students that had their books open abandoned their pursuit of knowledge to glare at either Umbridge or Darkness, with the former starting to become visibly uncomfortable and the latter's face beginning to flush with every passing second.

Eventually, the tension became too pressing and Umbridge conceded defeat. "Miss Darkness, if your question does not concern Defensive Magical Theory, then I should not be hearing it."

"Again, this is not a question," Darkness said, ignoring the class' (and Umbridge's) attempts to get her to quiet down. "I simply find it illogical that a class about protecting ourselves using spells doesn't involve practicing or casting any spells. Doesn't that seem even the least bit odd to you?"

Umbridge's face flushed even deeper, and it looked like steam was about to pour out of her ears. "I have had it with you. Ten points from Gryffindor, and stay behind after class. From there we'll handle your punishment for your… insolent attitude. The rest of you, open your books and read Chapter One. If I hear a single word from any of you until class is over I'll keep all of you in detention for the rest of the month."

Darkness didn't need to go there, but whatever. At least she'd proven that Umbridge's threat of collective punishment seemed baseless for now, or perhaps Umbridge had realized putting the entirety of her very first class in detention wouldn't do her reputation any favors. Meanwhile, Darkness herself had started panting and blushing and generally making everyone in the room uncomfortable. Ginny's idea of who she was got scrambled once more.

The rest of the class remained quiet, though: Umbridge looked one snide remark away from straight-up hexing whoever made it. Ginny was pretty confident that wasn't allowed, but at the same time, she didn't want to find out it was just fine firsthand.

Deciding to give Umbridge one more chance than she probably deserved at this point, Ginny opened the book she'd assigned, slogging through its opening sentences before she gave up. Maybe some useful information was buried in here beneath the ludicrously overwritten prose, but she wasn't going to go digging to find it. If she wanted to learn about defensive magic this year, barring drastic changes it looked like she'd need to do it on her own time.

Aqua felt exhausted already, and her first day of classes was only half-finished. Herbology, which she'd just come back from, had been a breeze: while she didn't have a green thumb by any means, once she got over her revulsion about touching some of the plants, they all seemed to synergize with what she was doing. On the other hand, Transfiguration promised to be an absolute disaster unless she figured something out in a hurry: the hedgehog she'd been required to transfigure into a pincushion had exploded everywhere when she tried. She had to give it to Professor McGonagall, though: few others would maintain the same level of composure when their face was coated in hedgehog guts.

Now she had a bit of a break between classes and planned to spend it trying to figure out some new party tricks. So far, she hadn't found any spells that resembled those she'd used in Belzerg, so for the most part she'd have to learn everything from scratch.

Halfway between her class and her room, however, her path got blocked by three boys. One was blond and was clearly another prefect based on the badge pinned to his robes, while the other two flanked him from either side, looking like the identical twin henchmen Aqua remembered from cheesy cartoons.

The prefect badge alone wasn't what made her nervous. When she'd gone to the hospital wing, she'd gotten to know Pansy Parkinson, the other prefect, and she'd seemed fine enough, albeit a bit hyper-focused on whatever the heck "pureblood culture" was. In a lot of ways, she reminded Aqua of herself, and while even she knew better than to let herself fall into an echo chamber, having one or two like-minded people to speak to never hurt.

This guy, on the other hand, set off warning bells the instant he came within hearing range of Aqua, and not just because of the two oversized students flanking him. With his immaculate blond hair and sickeningly smug expression, the first comparison that Aqua drew was to Kyoya. Being comparable to Kyoya was never a good sign.

"You must be the new girl," the boy said, extending his hand. "Draco Malfoy, Slytherin prefect."

Aqua shook his hand, which felt unnaturally cold for some reason. Maybe it was a side effect of living in the dungeons. "Aqua, healing mage."

Draco started snickering. "'Healing mage?' What kind of ridiculous title is that?"

Both of his friends started laughing, their voices identical. Aqua's face went hot.

Apparently, Draco was one of those people who enjoyed kicking people while they were down, because the follow-up came within seconds. "And what's wrong with your hair? The last time I saw a color that ridiculous, I had to get checked for brain damage."

More eerily similar laughter from his friends.

Sure, this sounded quite a bit like an insult (which it was) but given everything she'd seen so far, it was also a legitimate question at this point. "Do your idiot friends even have a full brain to share between them, damaged or not? Or are they like some kind of weird hive mind or something?"

"Bold words, considering the three of us could jinx you six ways to Sunday," Draco said.

Aqua snarled at the two of them. "Ganging up on the new girl. Way to go! Your parents must be so proud of you."

"You don't get to talk to me like that," Draco said. "I'm a pureblood!"

"Well, I'm a goddess," Aqua yelled in response. "That's better than any stupid title you mortals could ever hope to get, so take that!"

A few seconds' worth of silence as Draco's face flickered through several different emotions, but then both he and his two goons started laughing their asses off, and so loudly that several other students on either end of the corridor stopped to watch what was going on. Meanwhile, Aqua's seething spiked in intensity, to the point where literal steam started rising from her wand.

"Wow. We have our own Loony Lovegood," the boy to Draco's left said. "Come on, let's tell everyone else!"

All three of them ran off in a cluster, still laughing like banshees as they left Aqua to rage in silence.

"Just you wait," Aqua hissed under her breath, her voice dripping with unadulterated rage. "I'll show you. I'll show you all!"

Storming off down the hallway with her robes billowing in anger, she marched into the common room and plunked herself down in the corner. She pulled out every book she'd purchased up to this point, beginning to scour the pages in search of anything that she could learn quickly to impress and mystify anyone who ever questioned her again.

She meant what she'd said. She was still a goddess here. And nobody would tell her otherwise, especially some idiotic Kyoya wannabe.

Megumin and Lulu sat next to each other, hunched around two saucers and trying to make sense of the tea dregs on them. Both of them tried interpreting their own, then switched off and tried to interpret each other's, but it was no use: none of the shapes resembled anything other than formless blobs. Nevertheless, they tried drawing the closest comparison they could, for the sake of their grades if nothing else.

Lulu squinted at Megumin's saucer. "Uh, I think that one in the corner looks kind of like a bomb…"

Megumin scanned the relevant pages of Unfogging the Future, looking for something that even resembled a bomb but being unable to find it. "Maybe it's just telling me I plan to blow something up soon. No surprise there."

Both of them chuckled a little at that before Lulu got them back on topic when Professor Trelawney passed them. "Do you see anything in mine?"

Megumin pointed to the largest lump in the center. "Maybe you could say this resembles an actual heart. I think that means you'll find your true love soon, but I'm not sure how true love works here, so…"

The faintest trace of a smile worked its way onto Lulu's face. "Oh, there's love potions, but I don't think those count for obvious reasons. Besides that? I think it works the same as it does anywhere else.

A few more minutes of this in between trying to match anything in their saucers to a symbol in their book, and class had ended just like that. It looked like Divination wasn't her thing. Oh well. She still had plenty of other classes to see where the potential for explosions lay.

Draco wasn't someone who usually organized everything into a routine, but until now, he always sent letters to his parents every Saturday and received a letter every Wednesday, often alongside some variety of sweets or school supplies. Despite today being Monday, though, he felt like a letter was warranted. Father would appreciate being brought up to date on this… situation before it went too far out of hand.

As soon as he found a spot where he could be alone, he pulled out his quill and inkpot alongside a roll of parchment and began penning his letter. While he'd been assigned a truly preposterous amount of homework for his first day, that could wait.

Dearest Father,

I hope this letter finds you well. While it might be unusual for me to send a letter this early, this one may be important, especially regarding certain recent developments.

While you may already be aware of this, four new transfer students arrived this year. According to rumors, they have already defeated something known as a Demon King back home, yet this is their first time receiving any formal education. All of them came dressed in strange attire or with magical artifacts that are not common in Britain, and all of them refused to elaborate on where they came from.

Furthermore, one of the transfer students got Sorted into my House and refers to herself as a goddess. This is likely just a personality quirk of hers, but I will be keeping an eye on the situation to ensure there is no truth to that statement.

Well, that covered everything he needed to say. He added a little extra to the letter about his Prefect duties and the first day of classes, but it felt like irrelevant fluff made to cover the true purpose of the letter: impressing upon him that the new arrivals were wild cards and could prove quite dangerous to any objective Father was trying to achieve. While he no longer held his position on the Board of Governors, he still had a reasonable amount of power within the Ministry of Magic, and thus could pull some strings to get the four of them investigated if truly necessary.

Now it was off to the Owlery to send it. Hopefully, this letter reached Malfoy Manor by morning: in that case, Father might be able to advise him on his next steps. There were already a million spinning plates for him to handle this year, he didn't want or need to deal with more.

Are you wondering how I managed to push out a chapter of almost 4k words in two days? Don't worry, I am too. Sorry to let you down here, but don't expect this quick of a turnaround again anytime soon.

I think one of the factors this time around was that I had way too much fun writing the scene with Professor Umbridge, which would also explain why it's the longest individual scene for this story to date. However, while that scene was enjoyable to write (and hopefully to read), I plan to make Umbridge a bit more competent than her book version in the long run, just because while Kazuma and the gang constantly running circles around her would be funny, I also want there to at least be the barest semblance of a conflict here.

Also, just as a heads up, other than keeping the class schedule consistent from week to week and ensuring there's no obvious schedule conflicts, I'm not going to drive myself crazy figuring out the master schedule. That's a Gordian knot I don't have the patience to untangle, at least at the moment.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited, followed, or even read this far into the story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope to see you again next chapter!