"Stay… Stay near me…

Stay near me now…"

Now that we were on our way, I was starting to panic. I kept my expression as blank as I possibly could as we rode Arcanine on the way back to the Cerulean City pokēcenter, but it was difficult. I could barely breathe, nonetheless think. I had learned so much today that I wasn't expecting to, that I hadn't accounted for, and now I felt even more awful. I was going to be hurting them so badly. I was going to be abandoning them. I was going to leave them behind.

Sure, it was for their safety, but…

Sweet Arceus, did it make me feel sick.

When we finally reached Cerulean City, Misty slid off of Arcanine- giving the three of us a small salute. She grinned. "Well, it's been fun, you guys, but I need to get back to the gym and see how things are going. Unlike Brock, I don't have anyone that can replace me as gym leader. My sisters would just treat it as a joke and hand out badges left-and-right."

Blue snorted at that, and Brock just flashed a sheepish grin, scratching his cheek.

Smile falling, Misty looked up at us- her green gaze becoming a bit more serious. "I'll keep an eye out for anything suspicious. Hit me up once you guys reach Celadon City, okay? I'll see about joining you if I can."

"Please don't." Blue said, but he sounded a lot more joking than usual.

Misty blew a raspberry at him in response. To my surprise, Blue actually retaliated in kind. He was… warming up to her. Did he view her as a friend now? That makes me feel a bit better over what I'm about to do, but still… I don't know. I'm starting to feel scared. I don't know if I can actually go through with the plan after all.

What if something goes wrong? What if they start finding my behavior suspicious?

No. No, it's fine. We can do this. I'm fine.

I'm doing this for them.

Swallowing thickly, I stiffly waved Misty goodbye as she ran off towards the gym- several people screeching when they saw her. She ended up getting bombarded by the townsfolk, surrounded, and from the looks of it several were crying and hugging her. It was rather odd. I hoped everything was alright.

Making our way to the pokēcenter, we soon learned from Nurse Joy- after Brock had been stopped from flirting with her by Blue, who pulled on his ear- that apparently everyone that went on the S.S Anne made it out okay, but four trainers had gone missing and were presumed dead, and that Misty had been one of them.

Which meant… the other three had to have been us.

When we didn't show up for an entire day, we were presumed dead and Officer Jenny ran a funeral procession for us. It was a sheer miracle no one on the ship actually recognized us as we didn't really talk to anyone outside of Misty and a few sailors, so the only one that was stated by name to be missing was Misty herself.

No wonder everyone was screeching when they saw her.

I guess it was safe to say Misty's sisters were in for quite the surprise.

"Oh my god." Brock froze in place. "Bill!"

Blue and I looked at Brock in confusion.

Brock turned towards us, alarmed. "Bill doesn't know we're alive!"

Oh.

Oh, frick.

We had completely forgotten about him.

"Nurse Joy, is it alright if we call him real quick!?" Brock pleaded. "He's the one who gave us the tickets, and I think that he might think we're all dead!"

"What? My goodness, I… I suppose you can." The pink-haired nurse held a hand up to her lips in shock. "That's terrible. I'll go and get you set right up, okay? Please, follow me." Leading us deeper into the lobby, she leaned over and started to fiddle with one of the machines. "I had shut them all down for the night, but I think this can qualify as an emergency- seeing as it is technically a matter of life-and-death… Okay. All ready. Don't take too long, now. Curfew is at eleven."

She smiled sweetly at us, and returned to her desk to finish up some paperwork.

Brock let out a deep breath, and sat down. Blue and I stood on either side of him, leaning over and watching as he pressed a few buttons to call the pokēmon fanatic and scientist. After a few rings, a familiar face appeared on the screen- but it wasn't Bill. It was his Nidorino. Bill was asleep on the couch in the background, his red hair a mess and several sticky notes stuck to his face.

Nidorino squeaking at us, it rushed over to wake up its trainer, and Bill snorted in his sleep before sitting up with a shout when Nidorino poked him with its horn. "Ow, ow, owie~! Why you gotta do that to me, bud? I fed you earlier! You'll poison me if you ain't careful!"

"Nidoo!"

"Huh? What's that yer sayin'?"

Nidorino ran back to the screen, its face taking up the whole view. "Nido!"

There was the sound of footsteps, and then Bill was pulling Nidorino away from the screen. Brock ended up having to hold the phone away from his ear with how loudly the scientist screamed when he saw us. Nidorino just made a face, wiggling out of his trainer's hold, and sat up on its hindlegs in the background, watching as Bill struggled to recollect himself.

"Wha- you- you're all- I mean, thank the mother of all pokēmon ya'll are alright, but I- I thought-!" Bill yanked a sticky note off of his forehead and blinked, the redhead close to tears. "I thought for sure you all died on the S.S Anne! When I saw the news and nothin' about ya'll showed up, I-I thought that- oh, sweet goodness, I'm so glad you're okay!"

"I mean…" Brock made a face. "We did come pretty close to dying, but no. We're alright."

"Turns out you can survive sinking to the bottom of the sea," Blue said, grinning, holding up an index finger like he was spouting some wise piece of wisdom, "but only if the ship hasn't filled up entirely with water yet. We all woke up just in time, and lucky for us I had my Gyarados on me."

"We also had Misty." Brock explained. "She was with us, too, and had all her water-type pokēmon with her. She built a model of the S.S Anne ages ago, so she knew the layout of the ship pretty well, and that helped get us close to the hull so we could blast our way out."

"The gym leader is alive, too? And… th… the hull? Was the ship upside down!?"

"Yeah."

Bill screeched again, hands to his face, and he violently ruffled his hair as he hunched over, tears spilling from his eyes as he wailed. "I'm so sorry, ya'll! I hadn't the slightest notion that the ship would be attacked! I-If I had known, I'd never've given you them tickets! I wanted you to relax and take it easy, not get killed!"

Nidorino, seeing its trainer about to start having a breakdown, move closer to him, nuzzling his legs.

Brock waved a hand, flashing the man a small smile and trying to calm him down. "It's alright, Bill. We're not mad at you. Isn't that right, El?"

He directed the question towards me and I tensed- knowing right away what he was trying to do. Uncomfortable, heart still racing rapidly, I turned away and folded my arms over my chest, hugging myself. "R-Right… we don't… blame you."

Brock beamed, nodding proudly, before turning to face Bill again. "You heard her. If not even El blames you, then we're good. It was Team Rocket who attacked the ship, anyway. There's no way you could have expected that."

"I… I guess yer right…" Bill looked hesitant. He pulled another sticky note off of his face. "Still, I'm mighty grateful you called. I was feelin' awful thinkin' I got you youngsters killed."

"Well, no more of that." Brock joked. "We're perfectly fine. We just got back from Fuschia City. "

"Wow! I guess that means El's already got her that Soul Badge, huh?"

"Yup!"

"Wonderful! … Um, I apologize if this too much to ask, but… the next time ya'll make it to another town with a gym, do ya think you can call me? I'm real worried about you kiddos, and I just… I want to make sure ya'll stay alright. Y'know?"

Blue blinked at that and I furrowed my brows, but Brock just smiled and nodded at the young adult's request. "Of course. Sorry for not getting into contact with you sooner. We didn't find out until just now that everyone declared us dead. You and Misty were the only ones who knew we were on the S.S Anne, after all."

"I s'pose that makes sense." Yawning and rubbing his eyes, Bill blinked. He flashed us a lazy grin. "Well, I'll let you youngsters get yer sleep. Stay safe, alright? And don't go chasin' after Team Rocket!"

Brock didn't say anything to that, just chuckling, and ended the call. My hands were shaking, but I had them curled up against my side so no one could tell. Standing, Brock stretched his arms over his head. He slumped over with a groan. "Yeah, sleep sounds great right now… I'm exhausted. Way too much has happened today."

"With parents like yours?" Blue said, raising an eyebrow at the boy. "I can imagine. I felt tired just watching you deal with them."

"Right?" Brock shook his head, stretching his arms again as he stood up straight. "But, well, at least they realize the mistakes they've made. Especially my mother. Here's to hoping they're able to do better from now on. I… don't have too much faith in them, though. If anything happens, hopefully Onix and Forrest can set them straight."

He started to walk forward, only to come to a halt- hesitating before glancing at the two of us from over his shoulder.

"Hey… El, Blue?" We stared, waiting for him to finish. Brock lowered his head, a faint smile on his lips. "Thanks. If you guys weren't there, I'm not sure I…"

He shook his head.

"Nevermind. Let's go get a room from Nurse Joy."

"You good, man?" Blue asked, raising a brow.

"Yeah." Leaning his head back, Brock inhaled deeply. When he looked at Blue, his smile was much brighter. "Yeah, I am."

The way he had said that and the things he had been about to say; it caused something to twist inside my chest, my heart dropping painfully into my stomach. It crushed and it churned, making it hard to breathe, and I had to actively keep my expression steady so as to not give anything away.

Each second I spent with them was making me feel worse, because all it did was make me want to stay with them.

Blinking rapidly to fight against the tears, I tried to convince myself I was fine. Everything was okay. Even as we were guided to a bedroom by Chansey and watched our pokēmon eat food Brock had specially prepared for them, everything was fine. I sat in silence as they ate, Brock laying down on a bunk and letting out a tired breath, stretching out his arms and legs. Blue sat down beside me, petting his Umbreon as it climbed onto the bed and rested her top half on his lap.

Everything was fine.

Even as the pokēmon finished eating and the lights turned out, Brock and Blue falling asleep on the bottom bunks, it was fine. I sat on the top right bunk, unmoving, simply watching the window and the clock on the wall, waiting for the time to pass. So many thoughts were racing through my head. So much guilt. All the things I would be losing by abandoning them.

Something stuck with me from our time at Brock's home. Something one of his sisters said to their parents.

"Why bother coming back, when you weren't ever here at all?"

I would never be able to return to Brock and Blue. I would never get to see them again. By leaving them here I would be cutting all ties, and once I'm in Hoenn and Team Rocket is defeated, I'm…

I'm going to disappear.

I can't raise Adrien like I had originally planned, and it's not like I know how to live a normal life. I don't have family or a home to go back to. Once Team Rocket is defeated, my pitiful existence will no longer have a purpose to keep going. Hopes, dreams; I only ever had one from the beginning, but… it was unattainable. I would never see that person again, and I highly doubted he would ever recognize me.

He probably didn't even remember the promise we made..

Deluding myself otherwise is just… another foolish endeavor. There's no point.

Once Team Rocket is defeated, I'll put an end to everything. No one will suffer because of me and I won't have to suffer from hurting them. I don't want to die, I don't even know if the world will let me die, but I can hide. I can stop existing to other people. I can isolate myself. I'll go somewhere no one will never find me.

I just…

I don't want to live like this anymore. Everything hurts. I don't want to hurt the people I care about anymore. I'm never going to amount to anything more than what I already am. Brock and Blue deserve better than this broken mess that I am. So if they aren't going to abandon me themselves, I'll have to do it for them.

I know what I have to do.

Quietly calling my sleeping pokēmon back into their pokēballs, I slid my backpack towards me- having pulled it up to the top bunk before bed so I wouldn't risk waking anyone like last time, and I carefully took out one of the notebooks Professor Oak had given me. Lip quivering, I swallowed down the pain and pulled out a pencil, struggling to breathe normally as I tried to write out a letter. There was… so much I wanted to say.

So much I wanted to tell them.

In the end, I settled for something simple.

Quietly tearing the piece of paper out, bending the page both ways until it was safe to rip, I set it on the bed where the two boys would see it. I pulled my backpack over my shoulders, and held my breath- stealthily moving down the bed ladder. I hesitated briefly, looking out the window and seeing the sun start to rise, and ended up hesitating once again when I was at the door and saw Blue and Brock still sleeping peacefully. Inhaling sharply, I gripped the stone that was heavy in my pocket and tore my gaze away.

I can't turn back now.

I've made my choice.

Opening the door, I took that final step forward- and carefully closed the door behind me as I pulled out the map I had been given ages ago when I first left on my journey. I knew Ansem would be furious when he woke up, as would Basil and maybe even Belladonna, but they would understand soon enough. This was to protect our friends. Brock just gave away his most powerful pokēmon; he's more vulnerable than ever now.

I have to keep him safe. Kōga was wrong. I don't need their support.

Not… anymore.

Brock and Blue's friendship is a luxury I can't afford.

So why… does it hurt so much? Why does it feel like I'm breaking inside?

My legs felt so heavy, running through the early morning streets of Cerulean City. I felt so sick, like rocks were in my stomach, my heart empty and gone from my chest. I felt so cold, so… alone. Even my backpack felt heavier than usual. I made myself set one foot in front of the other, moving faster and faster, telling myself it was too late to turn back.

I was scared that if I didn't, that if I stopped focusing on the path ahead of me, I would end up running right back into their arms.

It's fine. It's okay. It's for them. I can't hurt them again.

I'm doing the right thing.

One step, then another. Keep going. Gods, the sun is so bright right now. It hurts to look at the sky.

Head hanging low, I was surprised to see there weren't many trainers out today. Any wild pokēmon that were in the grassy fields or crawling along the hill steered clear away from me, sensing my chaotic and highly negative emotions and deciding they didn't want anything to do with me. Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, I inhaled deeply, telling myself once more that this was for their sakes as I climbed up the rocky terrain, trying to take a shortcut in case Brock and Blue woke up soon.

Both are observant, so chances are they'll notice I'm gone right away- especially if they don't see my pokēmon. I'm surprised Machamp stayed as quietly asleep as he was. I expected him to pose a challenge for me to sneak passed, but once asleep he was fast asleep. That worked out in my favor.

So why…?

Why do I feel worse?

I ended up slowing down to a stop, stumbling towards a tree and leaning against it, burying my fingers in my hair. I could scarcely breathe, nonetheless see through the tears that were blurring my vision. I felt so drained and sick, and I could feel vomit trying to bubble itself up my throat. It was disgusting. It was awful. But it was nothing compared to the sheer agony tearing me apart from within, like sharp claws ripping my insides to shreds.

Everything was trying to well up, to break through, to burst like a dam overflowing.

I didn't actually want to run away. I didn't want to abandon them. What I wanted was to stay with them, to listen to them bicker and argue and to willingly let myself fall into their warmth. But after what happened on the S.S Anne I… I can't. It's too risky. If we were any less prepared, if Misty wasn't there, we would have died.

I would have killed them, and all because of my emotional attachment to a rock.

So I fought. I fought hard to keep it all down, and ended up choking and nearly hyperventilating as I pulled the dawn stone out of my pocket. It glimmered brilliantly in the sunlight, so small and dainty and cracked, and I slowly wrapped my fingers around it. Curling my lips back and inhaling deeply, I spun to the face away from the mountain and reeled my arm back, shaking, trembling, fighting.

If I got rid of it now, then there'd be less chance of me hurting Brock or Blue again.

I could go back to them.

But I… I…

A faded memory of a boy's smile came to mind and I faltered. Arm falling to my side, I stood there for a moment before raising my hands to my face and stumbling backwards, back hitting the tree as I slid down, unable to stop the tears as they began to fall.

Just… what am I doing? What am I trying to do? Why am I like this?

I don't understand.

"I-I'm such an idiot." Choking and sniffling, I tried to wipe the tears away, but they just would not stop falling. It was frustrating, and trying to push my emotions down only made everything hurt more, and in the end I just settled for pressing my palms against my eyes, stone safe back in my pocket. My bruised eye felt so swollen, throbbing in aggravation, and ignoring it I forced my legs to carry me forward along the path I was already on. My voice was a strangled murmur as I talked to myself. "I-It's fine. I'm… fine. I'm fine. I'm okay. It's okay."

It… It's going to be okay.

…

I had no idea how long I had been walking at this point.

I don't even know how much time has passed since I first left the pokēcenter, but after what felt like eternity the sun was finally high in the sky and I could feel the pokēballs in my bag rattling slightly as everyone woke up. Judging by the sun's height in the sky, Brock and Blue have probably woken up as well.

Please…

Just forget about me.

I'm no good for you.

Find a better friend.

I don't want you to end up like Belle.

Don't end up like my poor, sweet Skitty.

Lips curling back, I rubbed at my eyes again and inhaled shakily, growing tired as I finally neared the top of the cliff- coming across what looked to be a pokēcenter surrounded by water. I could hide in there for a while, maybe even eat something. If Brock and Blue try looking for me, they might assume I went ahead to Lavender Town; they wouldn't look in the pokēcenter for me.

Wait, what am I thinking? No. They won't… come after me.

They won't.

I abandoned them. I betrayed them.

They'll hate me for that.

Which is… okay. It's what needs to happen.

Sniffling, I shifted the scarf that was around my neck. Everything was fine. I'm going to go hide in the pokēcenter, Brock and Blue won't come after me, and then after enough time has passed and my pokēmon have calmed down I'll continue to the rock tunnels and make my way to Celadon City. It's perfect.

Everything is-

"Got you!" A rough voice exclaimed, a pair of arms snaking around me from behind. Before I could scream, a gloved hand clamped itself over my mouth, and I began to thrash. Kicking my legs violently, hitting his legs with the heels of my shoes, the man held tighter. "Stop moving! I saw you there on the ship; you're the same brat that's been getting in our way, aren't ya!?"

I didn't bother to respond, knowing anything I said would be muffled, and only continued to try and break free. Kicking him hard in the knee, I managed to worm my face partially free and bit down hard on his hand. As a result, the man yelped and dropped me, and I scrambled away- screeching.

"Ansem!"

At my words, a red light erupted from my bag and the pokēmon shot out- barking and growling at the Team Rocket goon. Yet, as soon as he appeared, several more adults in black uniforms came running into view. Based off of their dark gloves and boots, they really were just goons- unlike Rich and Velga, who wore white-and-red gloves with their black uniforms. Tch. Great. Just what I needed to deal with right now.

Blinking several times, I sobered up and quickly counted the number, discovering there were now eight adult goons in total, nearly all of them twice my size. They had me completely surrounded. Lips curling back, I got into a stance- glaring at them. "Basil, Belladonna!"

Two more red lights shot out, and the grass-type pokēmon appeared. They looked confused by their surroundings, but after seeing our opponents the Ivysaur and Weepinbell quickly got their vines ready for attack. There was no way things could possibly end well like this, but… no. It's fine. We can do this. My pokēmon are strong.

The first goon, the one who had grabbed me earlier, pointed at me, glaring venomously. "It's because of you Team Rocket's reputation has been getting continuously smashed! None of us can face the boss after what you did to our perfect plan on the S.S Anne! So we're gonna bring you to him as revenge! Got that, brat!?"

"Yeah!" Another goon exclaimed, his face just as hideously twisted as the previous goon. "Besides, you're the same one who exploded the headquarters, aren't you?"

"And took out our friends by the nugget bridge!"

"Bringing you in when you already have a bounty on your head will be sure to get us in on the boss' good graces! Get ready for a beating, Grunt!"

My expression fell into something cold and empty, and I slowly stood to my full height. I didn't say anything, simply staring at them. Tilting my head, my lips turned downwards into a frown, and I folded my arms over my chest. "Bella, use Sleeping Powder."

A few of the goons didn't realize what was happening until it was too late. Belladonna had already jumped into the air and coughed up a huge cloud of Sleeping Powder, sending several of the goons stumbling around and crashing into each other as they became tired. In about three seconds they crashed to the ground, and when that happened the real battle commenced.

Two of the remaining goons ran at me, intending to hit me with physical force, while another sent out their pokēmon: a Gengar and a Coffing. Basil and Belladonna were quick to intercept them, while Ansem lunged at one of the two goons trying to physically attack me. I ducked and dodged out of the way of one of the men's hands, but he managed to recover and grab at my hair- pulling me back and causing me to flinch. When he tried to hold me to his chest, I reeled my arm back and delivered a cheap shot, punching him right where it would hurt most.

He ended up falling to his knees with a loud, pained squeal, and Ansem roared as the goon he had been viciously biting finally managed to throw him off. The man's forearm was bleeding profusely, and it almost looked like Ansem had actually managed to take a chunk out of him. As Ansem flew through the air, he flipped and rolled along the ground before skillfully landing on all fours, sliding across the dirt. He barked, angry and fierce, and the goon that was bleeding had reached his non-bloodied hand to his belt, gaze full of pure loathing.

"Better yet…" The goon growled, voice sinister and quiet, before gradually rising as he threw a pokēball out at me. "...why don't you just die!?"

Not even Ansem could have moved fast enough to stop what happened next.

There was a flash of red as a pokēmon shot out from the pokēball, and then a force crashed into me- a pain so sharp in my shoulder I almost didn't register it, and wouldn't have if not for the sheer burning that stung my flesh. The next thing I knew, I was flying backwards. Purple liquid colored my shoulder, mixed with my blood, and I became vaguely aware of the fact that I had been poisoned. The world began to pass me by.

I wondered where I had gone wrong, what I had missed, and if this was how I died.

And then, just as fast as it had bit me, Arbok let go.

I was left to fall alone.

I could hear Basil and Belladonna crying out for me, Ansem letting out an ear splitting wail, but right as I was about to crash into the water… something strange happened. I had stopped falling. Something caught me, something not human, and that something wrapped around me. A force of sorts, holding me in place and encasing my body in a blue glow.

I could see the Team Rocket goons staring at me in shock- behind me in shock- and I could also see my pokēmon letting out happy cries of relief, yet before I could question what had just happened the force began to move me.

It had me float gently downwards- not into the water, but into a pair of strong arms.

What?

Startled, dazed, and more than a little confused, I blinked several times before looking up to see who was currently holding me, only to freeze. I had only gotten a good look at his face once before in the Cerulean City pokēcenter, but that silvery-blue hair was unmistakable. He was the person who had asked those suspicious questions about my friends, and who had followed us to the Daycare Center. The one I had been running from, because I believed him to be with Team Rocket.

But… he had just saved me. Why?

His face looked like it was struggling to remain neutral- an anger burning in those steel blue eyes of his. Yet that anger was not directed towards me. No, it was as if it were directed towards the Team Rocket goons who had been attacking me just now. But he kept himself calm, and looked down at me.

"Are you alright?" He asked me, voice soft.

Before I could muster up the strength to answer, another voice called out- this one unfamiliar. "Steven! Did you find her!?"

Whirling my head around in alarm, I saw a curvaceous young woman approaching us from atop a Lapas, her red hair long and tied back, and her sharp eyes scarlet in color. A pair of silver glasses rested overtop her nose, and from what I could see through my gradually blurring vision she was dressed in a black pencil skirt and a very elegant, very intricately designed top. Her eyes widened when she saw me, and she quickly turned her icy gaze towards the Team Rocket goons.

"Ganging up a child… and even hurting them." Her voice was as deep as it was cold, and a shiver went down my spine. "Now that I absolutely can not forgive."

"W-Who're you!?" One of the Team Rocket goons demanded, boldly stepping forward. Ansem barked when he tried to get close, and he took a step back. His forearm was still bleeding. The red liquid was seeping through his glove and between his fingers, dripping onto the grassy ground. When the remaining goons and their pokēmon tried to move forward as well, Basil and Belladonna roared and thrashed their vines outwards, forcing everyone- even the Arbok- to keep their distance. "We'll take you on, too!"

"Hmph." The woman scoffed, unimpressed. "Very well. Steven, look after the girl; I'll take care of these miscreants."

What?

Steven?

My head was ringing for reasons I couldn't quite explain, although I think most of it had to do with the poison that was currently traveling through my system. Squirming in the person's hold, I pushed myself away from him- startling him- and I flinched as I landed hard on the pokēmon we were atop of. I looked down in alarm, not recognizing it or having any idea of what kind of pokēmon it could possibly be. From the texture alone, I could only guess it was a steel-type.

No, wait. Don't think about that right now.

Gripping my bleeding shoulder, black spots dancing in the corners of my vision, I sat up straight and called out to my pokēmon. "Basil, Bella! S-Sleep Powder, Stun Spore! Ansem, use… use…"

Oh no.

My vision started to fade rapidly and I grew increasingly dizzy. Black spots coating the corners of my eyesight, I ended up falling backwards. The man behind me catching me quite easily, he carefully lifted me up and had his pokēmon fly away from the water, the steel-type moving closer to the ground so the man could step off of it.

I weakly pressed a fist against the man's chest, trying to push him away again. "S… Stop… s-set me… down…"

"I'm afraid you're in no state to walk." He said, refusing my request.. A frown adorned his young face. "That Arbok poisoned you, didn't it? I have some antidotes that can help with that."

"D-Don't… need… it." It was hardly the first time I've been poisoned, though admittedly it was the first time I've suffered such a large dosage. "...'m… fine."

He shook his head at me. I could hear shouting in the background, screaming, and the sounds of pokēmon as they attacked one another, but I was too out-of-it to actually make sense of what was going on or who was getting hurt. I felt sick.

Carefully kneeling down and setting me on the grass, the man reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle, uncapping it and pressing it to my lips. His voice, though gentle, was stern. "Come on now. Drink."

I tried to glare at him, but because of my lack of strength it came out less of a glare and more of a grimace. I ended up doing as told, begrudgingly swallowing the drink he was pressing to my lips- even if I didn't necessarily trust it. But I could feel it; the cool, bitter liquid rushing through my veins, purifying the poison that had been killing me and causing me to shudder. I let out a small cough.

The next thing I knew, a giant furry body belonging to that of a rather large Eevee was pressed against my side, whimpering and crying, and Basil and Belladonna were quick to join him. Basil helping me to sit up as he nudged my back, I grimaced and flinched, bringing a hand up to my still-bleeding shoulder.

"What is… huh?" I blinked several times, finally taking notice of the battlefield. The Team Rocket goons were all unconscious- either wrapped up in vines or partially frozen. Shaking my head, I turned my attention to my pokēmon and pet them, careful not to get any blood on them- completely ignoring the amount of red that was coating Ansem's muzzle. "Good… boys. Good girl. You did… very good. Yes."

Becoming dizzy again, I pressed the back of my hand to my forehead.

"Why…" I glanced at the man out of the corner of my eye, able to see the woman slowly making her way over to us as well. "Why are… you…"

"Because." He said simply. "I'm not with Team Rocket."

I furrowed my brows at that, the confusion making itself evident on my face. The redheaded woman knelt beside us, careful not to snap her heels. She pressed a well-manicured hand against her chest. "My name is Lorelei." She informed. "I am with the Elite Four, and I specialize in ice-type pokēmon. This man here with me is Steven, from-"

"Hoenn…?"

They both froze at that. The man called Steven inhaled a little too sharply, and he shared a glance with Lorelei before looking back at me. "How… do you know that? If you do not mind my asking."

"...Kō…ga."

He blinked. "Kōga? As in… the Fuschia City gym leader, Kōga?"

I gave a tired nod. Reaching up, I tugged at the scarf around my neck. "His."

Even Lorelei seemed surprised by that. "Kōga gave you his scarf?"

"He said… Elite Four… was looking for me. Man from Hoenn… working with them." I looked up at Steven, frowning deeply. Belladonna and Ansem had worked their way against either of my sides, my arms draped loosely over their bodies. Basil was doing his best to keep me from falling over. "That's… you. Right?"

"Y-Yes… that's…" The young man named Steven closed his eyes, letting out a shaky sigh. When he opened his eyes again, something in his deep blue gaze seemed heartbroken. "That's correct. Now, we should really take care of that wound of yours. Let's get you to Nurse Joy."

He reached out to pick me up again, but I just smacked his hands away and made to stand up on my own, stumbling a bit and nearly tripping over my pokēmon when they decided they were going to stay a bit too close to my feet. Waving my arms, I barely caught my balance, and then started staggering towards the pokēcenter entrance. To my surprise, the giant floating steel pokēmon that had helped catch me earlier was suddenly up against my side, keeping me from falling over.

I blinked, staring down at it in confusion, but… there was something about it that caused my brain to itch. Its red eyes and black sclera, and dark blue body made entirely of steel…

It looked familiar. Familiar, yet not quite right for some reason. I wondered why.

"Titanium."

"Huh?" I turned to look at the man, confused.

There was a sadness in his gaze, but his expression seemed to have softened slightly. Like there was a relief of sorts. "The pokēmon. Its nickname is Titanium."

"Oh…"

Giving the big pokēmon a few awkward pats on its flat surface of a head to thank it and acknowledge my new awareness of its name, I turned back towards the black-wearing duo behind me. I gestured for Lorelei and Steven to enter the pokēcenter first, and I was just about to follow when I heard a pair of voices calling out my name.

"El!"

"El, where are you!?"

"Squirt!"

Steven and Lorelei turned around just as the glass doors closed behind them, surprised by the sudden shouting, and they watched as I froze in place- too many emotions trying to flood up to the surface for me to control. I could hear them, Brock and Blue. Their voices as they searched for me.

My breathing became uneven. I began to tremble. My eyes started to sting. The steel pokēmon against my side let out a concerned hum.

"El!"

Not bothering to explain anything to Lorelei or Steven, I bolted for it- running from the pokēcenter and away from the voices. I wasn't thinking. I was simply panicking. I knew if I turned back to look at them, to actually see the two boys looking for me, I would fall apart. I would fall apart, and I'm not sure if what little sanity I had left would be able to survive the sheer magnitude of that level of pain. Because everything would spill out.

Every single little thing.

And… I can't.

I can't have that happen right now.

My pokémon thought differently, however. Before I could so much as reach the ledge to jump down it, to slide down the mountainside and run away, Basil and Belladonna shot out their vines and blocked my escape. I stumbled, barely stopping myself in time from tripping over them, and looked at the grass-type duo in shock.

"Ivy!"

"Weepinbell!"

Why? Why were they stopping me? I knew they would be upset with my decision, but to this extent? Can't they see I'm trying to do this for our friends?

Tensing, I could hear Brock and Blue calling out to me. They were getting closer now. Ansem was barking from his spot just outside the pokēcenter doors. My hands and legs were starting to shake uncontrollably. I became afraid.

I became so afraid of the expressions Brock and Blue might be wearing.

They shouldn't be here. They should hate me. I gave them the chance to leave me alone. I gave them an out from this nightmare mission. They shouldn't be here.

"El!" Blue. He sounded angry.

I made him angry.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I swallowed down the pain and forced myself to turn around. Blue and Brock must be so furious. But… that's fine. If they want to hurt me, that's fine too. I'll let them. I deserve it.

Every harsh word and beating they wanted to unleash on me, I would take it.

It's the least I can do, for doing this to them.

But I… I still can't believe that they had found me. That they actually came here. Trembling, I forced myself to open my eyes- to face the consequences my actions had brought, only to choke. They were standing there, wheezing and gasping, but instead of anger their faces only held panic and concern.

They were… worried.

Seeing that, I could feel within me the last tiny thread of defiance beginning to fray.

"Why?" I ended up asking. My voice was weak. "I… I gave you an out. I-I wrote the note. I-I said- you weren't… after everything I did, you weren't s-supposed to… to…"

I couldn't finish. There were footsteps, a flash of blue, and then a pair of arms were wrapping around me, clinging tight and refusing to let go. A sound left my lips then, unintelligible and pained, and a shudder of emotion wracked through me. Blue was almost crushing me with how hard he was hugging me, but I couldn't speak.

I couldn't tell him to let go.

Because, despite it all, I was happy they had found me, and I hated myself for it so much. Even if I didn't understand it, even if I didn't know why they chased me down or why they cared so much about someone who barely existed, it meant so much to me that they had run after me.

Even though… I had hurt them.

Even though I had betrayed them.

When I could finally talk again, the tears were hot against my cheeks. My heart pounded in my ears and my voice got caught on a strangled sob, my fingers twitching as they tried to figure if they should push him away or cling to him for all my life was worth. The blood felt hot against my left hand.

"Why…?" I hiccupped, struggling to keep my flooding emotions at bay. "Wh-Why are… Why are… you here? You're not… You're not s-supposed to be-"

"Shut up!" Blue snapped, his voice ringing in my ears. "Do you have any idea how scared we were!?"

His words left me speechless.

"You were gone!" I could feel his fingers digging into my back. Blue was shaking nearly as bad as I was, and he sounded so furious- but not once as he shouted did he try to hurt me. He just held tighter. "You were gone, and your pokēmon were gone, and then I found your letter- that dumb letter! El, why would you write that!? "Thank you? I'm sorry? Don't look for me? You deserve a better friend"? You think you're not a good friend!?"

Blue finally pulled away, but his grip on my biceps were unrelenting. He wasn't going to let me escape.

"I'm not a good friend either, okay!?" His brown eyes were fierce and intense and full of tears. His lips curled back, and he continued to go off, rambling away as his anger took control. "I don't know what I'm doing! But you don't get to decide whether we deserve you or not! You don't get to decide whether we want to have you as a friend or not!"

"But-"

"El!" He shook me a bit, and I flinched when I met his stare. "We are never going to abandon you. You can run away as many times as you want, but we will always find you. Like it or not, you're stuck with us."

A hand resting gently atop my head from behind had my lungs stuttering as they tried to intake oxygen, and I knew from the feeling of the hand alone that it was Brock's.

When he spoke his voice was quiet, barely loud enough for either of us to hear. "I know you want to protect us, but this isn't the way to do it, El. You said we'd take down Team Rocket together… didn't you? That all we had to do was stick together? We're stronger together, El."

Brock suddenly paused, slowly pulling his hand away.

"Or… do you not trust us?"

That one tiny thread of defiance, barely clinging on, finally snapped.

Everything came rising up to the surface then. I could feel it- in my chest and in my throat and all around me. The fragile glass bottle that was my being had filled to brim ages ago, shaking and shuddering even as I spent these past nine years trying so desperately to tape over the cracks, to stop its eruption and to convince myself it would be okay. But it was futile. All the pain and loneliness I had shut down for so long finally came bursting out, and it would not stop.

The bottle had burst, and its shards cut deep.

My emotions kept pouring and pouring, flooding me and swallowing me whole, and then I was falling, legs giving way as a scream ripped itself out of my throat. The weight of all that pain, so raw and real, left me wailing, clinging to Blue as he knelt down with me, my fingers tugging at his shirt as I screamed and cried and broke down, finally, truly, letting out everything that has ever been inside of me.

I always tried to avoid getting too close. Even when I wanted to be closer to them, I still had barriers. I still had reservations and concerns. I had locked it all away, behind a wall of stone and steel, refusing to let anyone tear it down. But now? Now I've given up. There was just no winning against these two.

I'm a coward. A weak, pathetic coward.

And a fool.

A fool desperate for friendship and affection, who wanted nothing more than to cling to the ones willing to give it. I was always scared, so violently scared that something horrible would happen the second I truly let myself do so. I feared that they would be killed, that it would be my fault, that I wouldn't be able to do anything to stop it and that I would have to explain to their loved ones my failure. I feared them getting hurt trying to help me.

And they would.

And they did.

But they're still here, even though I've given them the perfect opportunity to forget I existed. I was trying to do the right thing in letting them go, wanting to keep them safe. Yet those very people weren't allowing me to do even that.

No, they were fools, too.

"I-I gave you a-an out- I gave you a chance to go away!" The shaking wouldn't stop, and my arms wrapped tightly around Blue's waist, my face burying itself in his chest. "I-I tried t-to save you!"

"We don't need saving." Blue stated, frowning as he looked down at me. "We just need you to stop pushing us away."

I only cried harder.

The boy rested his hand atop my head. "I get it. It hurts. You don't want to be hurt. I've pushed people away too, when they just… wanted to help. But it's okay, y'know? You don't have to protect us. We can… We can just protect each other. As long as we stay together, Team Rocket can't hurt us."

"Blue is right." Brock murmured, rubbing a hand against my upper back. "You don't have to do everything alone. We aren't going to let you do everything alone. We're here for you. Let us help you. Will you finally let us help you, El?"

Hiccupping, sobbing deeper into Blue's shirt, I could only nod, not trusting myself to speak.

Though a mess, I could feel Blue move to wrap his arms around me. That was when the boy finally noticed- the blood seeping through my shirt that had been hidden by the red scarf I was wearing. Blue froze, staring with wide eyes at his hand that was now covered in red. Grabbing my arms and forcing me back so he could get a look at what was going on, he gazed, horrified, at my shoulder wound.

Brock, seeing the blood now on Blue, the crimson color dying his shirt a hideous violet, inhaled sharply, and then he was frantically untying the scarf so he could figure out where the bleeding was coming from. With the scarf finally removed, the wounds left by Arbok could be seen- several nasty indents left along my flesh by its deadly fangs and bottom row of sharp teeth. "Th-This is…"

Blue yanked the scarf away from Brock and pressed it to the bleeding wound. "This was- This was caused by Team Rocket, wasn't it? We saw some of their lackeys tied up and frozen on our way here, b-but we assumed that was just… Basil and… Sapphire, somehow. That she had learned a new move. That you were fine. But it wasn't. It's not. You're still-"

"We're right outside the pokēcenter." Brock said, reaching over and gingerly prying me away from Blue.

Lifting me up, I buried my face in the curve of his neck, using my left hand to add pressure on the wound with my scarf now that Blue was not doing so. I sniffled, squeezing my eyes shut and wondering if this was really reality, if they were really here. I could care less about the wound; it was just another injury. I would be fine. It seemed to really scare them, though.

"Nurse Joy might be able to help!" Brock told me, voice struggling to stay calm. "Y-You're gonna be okay, El. I promise. You're… You're gonna be okay."

"I'm sorry." I whimpered, feeling the lightheadedness worsen. There were too many things I needed to apologize for. "I-I'm sorry. I'm… I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay. You're okay. We're here now. We're together now. I got you. You're going to be okay."

I could vaguely hear the sounds of Ansem, Basil, and Belladonna following after us- barking and roaring and overall just panicking. The steel-type pokēmon that seemed to want to be glued to my side was humming loudly in worry, and as we entered the pokēcenter Blue cast it a weird look but didn't say anything, too busy running into the building and looking around for Nurse Joy. He paid no attention to the redheaded woman or the silvery-blue haired man that were talking to her, heading straight for the nurse instead.

"Nurse Joy! Nurse Joy, we need you!"

"Hm?" Seeing us approach, Nurse Joy let out a small gasp. Her blue eyes went wide, the woman bringing her hands up to her lips. "What on earth happened!?"

"Team Rocket." Blue informed, brown eyes burning with a barely kept rage. "That's- That's all we know."

"It was an Arbok." A voice said, catching their attention, and the two boys finally turned to look at the strangers in the room. It was the man named Steven who had spoken up, his arms folded over his chest with a grim look on his face.

Nurse Joy was horrified. "An Arbok…? You don't mean-"

"Yes. It had poisoned her with its fangs, but I managed to give her an antidote to counteract the toxins before it was too late. She was the one we were just telling you about, Nurse Joy."

Brock and Blue's faces twisted with rage upon hearing this. I felt the taller boy's grip on me tighten. My hearing was starting to get a bit iffy, my right arm growing numb. When Brock spoke, his voice was a low growl. "They poisoned her?"

The young man nodded, a shadow covering his face.

"She would have fallen in the water and been carried downstream if Steven hadn't showed up in time with his Metagross." Lorelei informed, frowning deeply as she let out a small sigh. As they spoke, Nurse Joy disappeared behind her desk- kneeling down to grab something. "I was so worried we wouldn't be able to find her, but then when we finally did… it had to be in a situation like this."

"...The one who froze the Team Rocket jerks outside," Blue breathed, realization dawning. He narrowed his eyes, "that was you?"

"Alright, everyone, follow me!" Nurse Joy called out, getting our attention as she stood back up, and I groggily turned my head to the side to look at her. A clipboard tucked beneath her arm and an emergency first aid kit held by her other, she looked nothing short of determined. "We'll take her to the infirmary, and I'll see what all I can do then. I'm afraid Chansey is a bit busy with other patients at the moment."

Brock's face softened and a huge smile of relief crossed his face. He looked close to tears. "Thank you so much, Nurse Joy! You're an angel!"

"Don't thank me yet, young man. An Arbok's fangs are nothing to scoff at. We're lucky that's all it did to her! Arbok are known to completely crush the bones of their prey!"

As they began to walk, I found myself growing fainter. The pounding in my head was becoming too much, and after all that crying and screaming my body was completely tapped out of energy. My head lolled against Brock's shoulder and I mumbled incoherently, apologies once again spilling from my lips as the group was rushed through a hall.

Shifting his hold on me, Brock's thumb rubbed gently against my back. "You're fine. You're going to be fine. Just stay awake, okay?"

He says that like it's so easy.

There was something haunting about this situation, the feeling of cold as blood continued to seep from my body. I feel like I've gone through something like this before. I remember bleeding out like this before. It was darker back then- my surroundings. I think I had a shoulder wound at that time, too.

My nightmare…

Was it a reality of something I've already experienced, or was it a vision foretelling what was to come? Am I just repeating history? I'm so confused over everything. I don't understand it. I don't know what these nightmares mean or what they're trying to tell me. I have no idea who I am, nonetheless who I was. I only know what I don't want to be. But as I feel myself getting dizzier, it… feels like something is missing.

Someone.

Suddenly, a warmth wrapped around my right hand- fingers squeezing them tightly. Blue was working to keep pace with Brock, the boy talking to me with a fierce tone of voice. Something flashed in his brown eyes, something disturbed and haunted, and I was vaguely aware that his hand was shaking. "El. El, hey. Don't you dare die on us, okay? Nurse Joy is going to take care of you. You're going to be fine."

Oh.

I think… I know why I like Blue so much now, even though he's always been so rough.

"...El?"

He reminded me of her.

"El!"

My ringing head falling back against Brock's shoulder, my eyes slid shut as the world around me went black.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you all think in the comments, and have a wonderful day/night wherever you are! Stay safe! 💕