Warning: physical and emotional abuse

Chapter 6

"The Doctor will come, you know."

"I know," I sobbed.

The Master looked down at me in disgust.

I could have wept forever, but he didn't let me. After only a few seconds the Master seized my wrist and yanked me roughly to my feet.

"Come on," he said, "I'm going to show you where we are."

He dragged me through several halls and up a long flight of stairs. I was still exhausted from running with the Doctor and the Master's long legs walked faster mine ever could, so I stumbled several times, but he kept pulling me along without pausing. When we finally reached a door at the top of the steps the Master stopped to straighten his tie.

"Here it is." He opened the door and pulled me out with him onto a runway full of airplanes.

I flinched against the wind. "An aircraft carrier?" I yelled over the sound of engines.

"Of sorts!" the Master yelled back. He dragged me to the edge of the runway where I looked down then pulled back sharply. We were in the air.

"The first flying aircraft carrier!" The Master shouted, pride in his voice. He tugged me back to the edge and I tried not to imagine falling all those miles to the ground.

"I designed it myself – every detail. I call her the Valiant. One of my first big accomplishments as England's prime minister."

I looked up at him in surprise.

"Pretty good, huh?" he grinned.

I shook my head in horror but didn't get a chance to respond because he grabbed my arm again and hauled me back inside.

He towed me through the first deck showing me the biggest rooms.

"What year is it?" I finally asked.

"2008."

I furrowed my brow. "But wouldn't I remember you being prime minister?"

The Master rolled his eyes. "Did you learn nothing from traveling with the Doctor? Time is in flux. History happens now." He shrugged, "Chances are, having had moderate exposure to the time vortex, you'll retain memories of both timelines."

My mouth formed a circle "Oh." It made sense. "So what happens now?"
The Master dramatically touched the palm of his hand to his forehead. "Where are my manners? Come."

To my surprise he didn't grab my arm again so I followed him cautiously down to ships lowest levels.

We went down a hall so narrow I had to walk directly behind the Timelord. He stopped halfway down the hall and put his hand on a doorknob.

"Your room: for as long as you're my guest." He smiled insincerely then opened the door.

I approached the door, taking care not to touch him, and poked my head in.

It was white. Starched white bedsheets blended into white concrete walls and a white linoleum floor. I stepped inside and the Master stepped in behind me.

A large vent in the ceiling blew cold air into the barren space. The bed took up nearly half of the room and there was nothing else.

"Bathroom there." The Master jerked his head toward what could be mistaken as a closet door. "Make yourself comfortable." He left and slammed the door behind him.

I had been so anxious to get away from him, but I wasn't prepared for being left alone in such a room. I wrapped my arms around myself as if that alone could guard me from the harshness of the place.

That's when I saw the window. It was small, but it was a real window to the real outside. I went over and looked out into the blue sky. Out of one corner I could barely see one of the ships huge propellers.

"I can live here," I murmured, a weak flutter of hope in my chest.

I pushed the bed against the wall to be near the light.

It didn't matter at that moment that I was being held prisoner by possibly the most dangerous man in the universe. I was exhausted. I crawled into the bed and fell asleep instantly.

When I woke the sky was fading from blue to pink. I sat up, groaning from stiffness in my back. The bed was awful.

I wasn't sure how long I'd be in this room, so I decided to practice my mind-guarding technique. I sat tall, closed my eyes, and remembered what the Doctor had taught me.

"You won't be able to resist him if he gets in," he'd said, "so you have to make sure he never does."

He had reached out then and touched my mind with his – something he'd never done before – and it was so gentle it surprised me. Still, I'd instinctively pulled back from the intimacy of a new consciousness in my mind.

"It's ok," he'd assured. "I'm not going to hypnotize – I'm just here. Now I'm going to teach you how to get me out."

We'd spent countless hours practicing together. He'd told me that the trick was to make a clear picture in my mind that couldn't be gotten around.

"If he reaches out to your mind, all he'll be able to see is that image. But your image must be strong – unbreakable."

I took a deep breath. Breath in, breath out.

I began constructing walls around my mind. It was an image I'd chosen early in my training. Brick by brick, mortar in between. No cracks. If there was a single crack he could slip in, and I wasn't going to let that happen. So I built my walls.

I was startled out of my meditation by the door being suddenly thrown open. I sprang to my feet, ready for anything, but a man in a militaristic uniform stepped in, put a tray of food on the floor, and left, closing the door behind him.

I hesitated a minute, then cautiously approached the tray and crouched down to inspect it. There was a bowl of mashed potatoes and a plate with… something. I smelled, poked, and finally tasted the food. It seemed fine, but I decided to wait and see how my sample affected me. I wasn't hungry anyway.

I hadn't heard any click after the door was closed and it occurred to me the guard may have neglected to lock it. Although, now I thought about it, I wasn't entirely certain the Master locked had it in the first place.

I walked softly across the silent floor to the door and carefully tried the handle. The door opened with ease. My heart pounded – the possibility of escape reminding me of my danger.

I stepped into the hall and looked both ways. There was a loud humming, but I saw no one. I was near the end of the hall, so I decided to go down to the end first. I opened one more door on the left and found another room just like mine, small and white, but with no bed. I continued to the end of the hall into an enormous room. This was definitely the engine room, which explained the humming. An engine this complex should have had someone tending it, but oddly, no one was in there. I tried touching a controls panel and had to stifle a yelp when it gave me a small electrical shock. It seemed there were low-level energy force-fields around the controls. Smart. I looked around some more for a couple hours, but everything seemed tamper-proof. There was nothing I could do here.

I crept back down the narrow hall. Behind all the doors on my side were tiny white rooms. All the doors opposite were locked.

I continued exploring the ship, trying to ascertain what my situation was. When I went up to the next deck, I saw more men in uniform and I had to duck behind walls until they passed. My best guess was that they were soldiers or guards the Master had hired – or trapped.

I didn't want the Master to find out I'd left my room, and I'd been gone a long time now, so I headed back down. It was quite dark out my window, and I guessed it was almost midnight. I slipped under the stiff sheets but felt something jab my hip.

"What…" I sat up and pulled the Path-Scrambler out of my pocket. I opened it up and the inside was completely burnt – nothing salvageable. I looked at it sadly.

I made this choice, I reminded myself. I sighed and let myself fall back onto the pillow. It wouldn't be forever; the Doctor would never give up on finding me. Yes, I told him not to follow, but when did he ever listen? My only hope and expectation was for my action to delay him. I could make it until then. I rolled over and fell asleep.

I woke the next morning to my door slamming open and I jumped up, heart thundering against my ribcage. Two of guards had entered and were standing stiffly, staring dead ahead.

"You will come with us," one of them stated.

I only hesitated a moment. Afterall, what choice did I have?

"Wait," I shakily threw my sweater over what I was wearing. Who knew where I was going or when I'd be back? "Ok."

I followed them to the uppermost deck where they led me down a carpeted hall I hadn't seen yet, to a stained wood door.

"Enter!" came the Master's voice from inside, before we had a chance to knock. One guard opened the door and walked me in.

The Time Lord sat behind a broad desk that faced the door. A window was directly behind him and the sun cast a glow around him which, with the serenity of his face, was reminiscent of a heavenly being.

He waved his hand and the guards left, closing the door behind them so I was left standing in front of the Master.

The second the door clicked his face broke into a childlike grin.

"What do you think of my office?"

"Um…good?" nervously.

He shrugged. "Eh, you're right."

I felt a ridiculous wave of relief.

The Master waved a hand at the chair on my side of the desk, and I looked at the chair uncertainly.

"It won't bite."

Confused by his friendliness, I sat across from the desk from the man who'd murdered millions.

"Why am I here?" I ventured warily.

"Because of the Doctor." He spun his desk chair from side to side. "You're just collateral damage – consequence of traveling with a dangerous man."

"Ok," I shook my head, "but what do you need me for?"

"Oh I don't need you. You're not important."

"That's not what you told the Doctor."

He stopped spinning, eyes darkened, "I told the Doctor what he needed to hear. The truth is you're only bait. After you've lured him here, you'll be useless."

His words chilled me to the bone. "And then what?"

He held my eyes, his face hard and cruel. "Then I kill you. Slowly. Painfully. While he watches."

My eyes widened with alarm.

His face split with a mad grin. "I'm kidding. Don't worry, I won't let you die, at least not right away. I don't want you to miss what I'm going to do to the Doctor."

I leapt out of my chair, but he moved with superhuman reflexes and in one motion grabbed my right wrist, twisted it roughly, and brought it slamming into the desk.

I cried out in pain.

"You'll leave when I say you can," he hissed, and pushed me back into the chair before letting go.

I whimpered and held my wrist. It was certainly strained; I hoped he hadn't damaged the tendon.

"Why?"

"Why?" he scoffed, "Because it's fun! Duh."

I shook my head incredulously. "You're crazy."

"I've been told." He smiled.

I laughed softly, despite the searing pain in my wrist.

"What?" he demanded.

I smirked up at him. "It's just that I've dealt with bullies before. And in the end: they always lose."

He smiled back and leaned over me menacingly.

"Bet."

Day three.

A guard knocked on my door.

"The Master commands your presence in conference room A."

I winced, but stood and walked past the guard, careful not to touch him.

He escorted me to the room and left. The Master was waiting with his back to me, staring out one of the windows, hands clasped behind his back. Always a pose.

"How –" he spoke slowly and deliberately, "does one hurt a Doctor? A man, sworn to protect and to heal, who would willingly sacrifice himself for the people under his care."

I sighed impatiently.

"How do you hurt a man like that?" He finally turned around, "Except by hurting his friends?"

"Yeah, I know this part already. When the Doctor comes to save me, you're going to hurt us both. You've told me this before."

The Master shrugged, "But you don't know how."

"Please. Spare me the excitement." My voice dripped with sarcasm.

He laughed condescendingly. "It'll give you something to look forward to. These days of waiting can be so monotonous."

"What I'm going to do to the Doctor is based off something called the 'Lazarus project'. Have you heard of it?"

I shook my head.

"Then I'll leave it a surprise. But you—" he cupped my cheek and I flinched, "I have something special planned for you."

"Death?"

He laughed, "No, a project."

"Project?" the question slipped out before I could stop myself. I bit my tongue.

"Aww! So you do care! I'm touched."

I wrinkled my nose.

"Well you'll just have to wait to find out about it." He leaned in conspiratorially, "It's a surprise."

I sighed. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I can."

I shook my head "That's not a real answer."

He scowled. "Then to show him how stupidly weak he is. And that I hold all the power."

Day Five.

I continued practicing my mind-guarding technique every day to stay sharp. I also exercised. I'd spent so much time running with the Doctor that I'd become quite good, but it was harder on the Valiant. Still I exercised religiously because I never knew when I'd have the opportunity to escape or what form that escape would take and I had to be ready for anything.

Day Eight.

It was a huge aircraft and I knew it should need a whole crew just to keep it running, but the ship was eerily empty. As far as I could tell there were no passengers, no crew, and no other prisoners. It was just me, the Master, and maybe a dozen muscle men.

I was on the second deck when I saw a guard alone at his post. I looked around for other people, then cautiously approached him.

"Hey," I said softly, "I don't know how the Master forced you into this, but I think there's a way out."

The guard didn't turn his head and his expression didn't change. I continued quietly.

"I know he's powerful, but he's still only one man. If we all work together, we can beat him. We can get free."

Suddenly the man turned on me and in one swift motion tackled me to the ground, twisting my arms behind my back. I cried out in pain.

"That was a pathetic attempt."

My heart sank at the Master's voice. His black dress shoes came into my limited line of sight.

"Everyone on this ship is hypnotized – completely under my control."

I winced, both because of his words and because of the continued weight the guard was putting on my back and arms.

He sighed. "And you really thought you could get the better of me? That easily?" His voice was drenched with anger and annoyance. My heart pounded.

"You know what, I'm not going to tolerate this kind of troublemaking." He addressed the guard, "Give me your gun."

My heart jumped to my throat and my ears started ringing. Strange how in all those dangerous times with the Doctor I'd never truly believed I was about to die.

"No, please don't!" I begged wildly.

I heard the Master cock the gun.

"Please. Please. Please." My words tripped over each other. "Please, I don't want to die."

The gun fired and I felt the guard's body fall on me. For a second, I didn't understand what had happened, then I felt a warm liquid spread over me and some blood fell on the floor in front of me.

I gagged as the realization hit me, then I started sobbing. The worst part was that I was relieved. I was relieved that the guard had died instead of me, and it made me feel like a monster.

"Stop blubbering." The Master commanded, kicking the guard's body off of me. "It's your fault he's dead."

I didn't even try to get up. I laid there crying long after the Master had walked away. And I never approached the guards again.

Day Nine.

My door opened without warning making me jump to my feet. The Master strode in and I watched him warily, like a trapped deer would watch a hunter. He hadn't been to my room himself since the first day. He'd always sent his guards when he wanted me and I'd hoped it would stay that way.

He barely acknowledged me, instead he looked around the room curiously. He came over to my bed where I stood but I stayed frozen. Nonchalantly, he pulled my sheet off the bed and dropped it on the floor, then he lifted the mattress with his foot and looked under. Seeing nothing, he went into my bathroom. I didn't turn around, I just listened to him empty my shampoo into the toilet. When he came out, I was almost as angry as I was scared, but I still didn't move.

Finally he looked me in the eye.

"I think," he smirked, "you get the point."

I was too furious to speak and then he was gone.

I got the message. He was saying that everything I had was his. That I had nothing – not even personal space.

"He will lose." I whispered like a mantra. "The Doctor will come and the Master will lose."

Day Twelve.

"You realize you surrendering yourself was a waste?"

He never stopped. If only he would leave me alone.

"Nothing you do here matters. When the Doctor comes, I'll do what I want to him and all your suffering will be in vain."

"You know, I know what you're doing, and you won't kill my spirit."

"Kill your spirit?" he looked amused.

"You're playing a long game. Well, I can be patient too."

The Master tilted his head in consideration, then shrugged, "Well we can make it a short game," he reached into his inner coat pocket and pulled out his laser screwdriver.

Terrified, I turned and bolted.

"Hey! Come back." the Master called – not angrily, but very persuasively.

I felt a presence brush against my mind and I recognized it from the night of the ball as the Master's. I froze. I remembered vividly how that night in London his words had flowed through my mind like a melody, lulling me into a trance.

"Come here."

The command was gentle, both audibly and mentally. I remembered my training with the Doctor and mentally pushed his voice away.

The Master chuckled softly. "The Doctor taught you some tricks I see. That should make our time together more fun." Then demandingly, "Come."

This time the pull was a little stronger. I threw up my mental walls, but the urge to obey persisted. I used every defense I had, holding my head as if I could keep him out physically, but he patiently increased his mental pull on me – reeling me in.

"One, two, three, four, five," I started counting aloud in desperation, but my words sounded fuzzy in my ears.

He pulled me to the edge of awareness – any further and he could make me do anything and I might not even realize it.

"Come here."

I stumbled toward him.

He nodded to the floor, "Sit."

I sat.

"Good." He pulled his mind away, keeping just a faint presence, and crouched in front of me. "You're very strong."

His fierce brown eyes looked curiously into mine and I found myself immediately enthralled by the deepness of them. The only eyes I'd encountered like this were the Doctor's. They were ancient and held such intense sorrow and pain it was staggering.

He grabbed my chin with his thumb and first finger and tilted my face up toward his.

"I like you. You've got a lot of fight."

He dropped my chin and stood. "It won't do you any good in the end, though. You don't stand a chance."

"So, you're going to kill me." I still felt weak from my mental battle and my voice came out hoarse.

"No! ugh, you're so daft. Where would be the fun in that? If you die now you're free – you basically win. The sport is to make you suffer, and by doing so," he grinned, "make your precious Doctor suffer."

He frowned suddenly, as if in pain, and put his fingers to his temples, bowing his head.

"What? What happened?" I asked in alarm.

"Nothing." He straightened and looked at me with contempt before turning his back on me. "Go away. Your stupidity is boring me."

I struggled to stand, but I didn't have the strength. I couldn't just stay – not when he'd told me to leave – so I dragged myself across the floor. He was watching me again. Hot tears of humiliation ran freely down my face. I wanted to redeem myself – to show myself physically strong since I'd proved to be so mentally weak. I wanted to stand up to him and make him stop bullying me. I wanted to hurt him back. But all I could do was crawl away.

Day fourteen.

I didn't meditate anymore. There was no point. He'd proven I could never beat him. My only weapons now were my words, and I knew some day I'd pay for them dearly, but I still spoke because I couldn't stop fighting him. It was all I had left.

Day Seventeen.

I couldn't sleep so I got up and started roaming the ship. I knew the entire ship by heart now and had no trouble navigating the dark halls. When I walked by the Master's office, I saw that the door was cracked open. No lights were on, but by the moonlight I could see him sitting on the floor, holding his head and rocking back and forth, then I heard a soft sob.

The Master was crying.

I gawked, staying carefully hidden in the shadows outside the door.

Day Twenty.

He was at it again.

"You're embarrassing. You know you can't escape, so you just sit and wait for the Doctor to come save you."

I pressed my lips tightly together. He was trying to upset me. I'd learned how manipulative the Master could be and I wasn't going to let him get through to me.

"I remember some of his old companions. Oh! They burned like suns! They changed the outcomes of worlds! But you," he glanced at me in disgust, "can't do anything."

Don't react.

"You're like a weak little child, needing a grownup to take care of you. Is that why the Doctor travels with you? Out of pity because you can't take care of yourself?"

I bit the inside of my cheek hard, my pride smarting.

"But maybe that's over now," he mused. "Maybe he's changed his mind about you and doesn't want you back. Maybe he's abandoned you with me forever."

He'd hit the tender spot where the old wounds of betrayal were.

"The Doctor would never abandon me."

His eyes glinted. I bit my tongue and dropped my head, knowing I should have just kept my mouth shut. Now he knew where I was weak.

"I've wondered what's taking the Doctor so long, but if he doesn't care about you maybe he's not coming at all. But it would make sense. You're not special. You're nothing. I don't know why he didn't leave you on a desert island ages ago. Has anyone ever really cared for you?"

I shook with rage as he stabbed my old wounds again and again.

"Maybe he never intended to come at all. Afterall a willing sacrifice offered up, who would come?" he smirked. "He always intended to use you. He was going to betray you all along."

Finally I snapped.

"At least I don't sit on the floor of my office at night and cry like a three-year-old." I threw at him.

He froze in complete surprise. Then he actually laughed. He laughed like I'd said something funny. I didn't know what to do. A nervous chuckle escaped my lips.

The Master's laughter calmed and he sighed and smiled at me. Then his face contorted in anger and his hand flew at my face so hard, the blow threw me backwards onto the floor.

I gasped, momentarily unable to breath or see. My cheek didn't hurt yet – it was completely numb.

The Master's blurry figure came close and crouched in front of me. His hand came into focus and I threw up my arm for protection, but he brushed it away and grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him. His face still lacked definition, but his rage was clear.

"Don't… ever," his voice was soft, "mock your Master."

My eyes were locked onto his. I wanted to look away, but I was too terrified.

The Master changed his expression from anger to condescension. His hand shifted under my chin to tilt it up more gently. "I don't think we'll forget this lesson, now shall we?"

With effort I shook my head.

"Come on, you can say it," he encouraged. "Will you forget?"

"No," I croaked.

"No…?" he prompted.

"…No, Master." I whispered, sick to my stomach.

He smiled down at me.

The pain was setting in – a burning sensation from my temple to my chin. To my shame, I started crying.

The Master just watched.

Day Twenty-Two.

By avoiding the guards I managed to make it to the top of the ship-to the runway. Silently in the cold night I tried to commandeer a small plane. I hadn't even gotten it open when I heard yelling. I saw five guards running from the stairwell. I frantically redoubled my efforts to get the plane door open. The lock clicked and I threw open the door. As I was trying to scramble inside a hand grabbed me by the back of my shirt, yanked me out roughly and threw me on my back on the ground.

I groaned in pain and looked up. Shining in the moonlight, glaring down at me horribly was the face of the Master.

The guards were standing by now, guns held at attention.

"I told you once," the Master's voice was dark with rage. "that I wouldn't put up with this behavior."

I tried to swallow but my mouth was dry. "I'd rather risk my death in escape than stay here to be killed slowly by you."

"I know." He motioned with one finger and the first guard in line stepped forward.

The Master took the guard's gun and the next moment the man was bleeding out on the runway.

I rolled over into a fetal position to hide my face from it.

The Master nudged me with his foot. "Take a good look at what you've done." He tsked. "What would the Doctor think?"

"Clean that up," I heard him order.

Next moment he was yanking me to my feet by my hair braid. I gasped in pain and grabbed at my hair but I was already standing on my own feet.

He pressed his lips together angrily. "I'm not going kill to you, because that would still be an escape." He took my face roughly in his hands and I flinched at his touch. He turned my face to see the sweltering bruise from where he'd hit me two days before. My legs went weak at just the thought that he might hit me again. He held me for forever.

"You should put some ice on that." He walked away.

Day Twenty-Three.

The Valiant was inescapable. The Master was too smart. If his plan was to kill my hope it was working.

I stopped exploring the ship and kept to my room.

Day Thirty-Nine.

I opened my eyes and saw his figure in the darkness again.

"Why?" I asked, still groggy from sleep. I'd asked so many times.

"Because he deserves it. Payback's a bitch."

Day Eighty.

1My door opened and out of the corner of my eye I saw the Master came and stand in the doorway. I didn't move from my perch on the bed or look away from the window. We were both silent for several minutes. I didn't know why he'd come. I didn't care. I didn't have the energy to care anymore. Finally the Master sighed.

"It's been over two months."

I nodded.

"Almost three months."

"Two months, twenty days." I looked up. "It's October, right?"

He sighed. "Yeah."

I kept still and quiet, waiting.

The Master silently put his fist to the wall in frustration, them left the room.

I looked back out the window and mused wryly that it was the nicest conversation we'd ever had.

Day Eighty-two.

I'd been called to the office again. The Master started yelling at me as soon as I was in the room, "You!" He came within inches of my face and I flinched.

"It's your fault that the Doctor isn't here yet."

It was almost amusing that he hadn't figured it out sooner.

"Answer me this: did you scramble the paths in the vortex?"

I didn't dare lie. "Yes."

His lips twisted in anger and his eyes flashed. Instinctually, I pulled back and threw my arms up to protect my face.

When the blow didn't come, I lowered my arms to look. But his face had gone blank. I stood frozen, waiting.

"Leave now."

I was surprised, but not about to argue. I ran.

Once in the safety of my own room, I sunk down onto floor.

This was it, I suddenly realized. If the Master was that upset over what I'd done it meant there was a real possibility the Doctor would never find us.

Of course I hadn't wanted the Doctor to follow. I'd asked him to move on and I meant it. But I never really believed that he would listen or that the Path-Scrambler could slow him down for long. But now for the first time it occurred to me that he might never come for me.

The reality of my situation hit me. I belonged to the Master for the rest of my life. My life had ended the second we'd come to the Valiant.

I heard a strangled cry and realized a second later it had come from me. My heart exploded inside me and my sobs left me gasping for breath.

I was dead.

I was dead.

I. Was. Dead.

Personal Note:

I know I haven't posted in forever but I won't make excuses. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for several years and recently figured out I have OCD too. So life kind of sucks. One thing I've learned in my struggle with mental illness is not to make wild promises about doing better, so I can't tell y'all when I'll post again. I love you guys and I'm grateful for your support. I'm willing to bet some of you struggle with this stuff too, so I just want to say, you've got this. I recently dropped out of university and now I have a good job and I'm looking at apartments with a friend, so rebuilding is possible. Never give up 3