Chapter 23: Conversations by Starlight
Zack sighed as he stared up at the ceiling, fingers entwined behind his head as he watched the slowly rolling ceiling. They had been on the ship to Wutai for nearly a week. A week without any word about Cloud. A week crammed with hundreds of stinking bodies on a ship sent to murder people for no other reason than being different than them.
It had been a week, and yet somehow he had still managed to avoid Sephiroth. He had no idea what he would say to his former friend. He knew whatever it was, it wouldn't be anything kind. He had just left Cloud like that. ...He had made him that way—to what? Reproduce? To what end, exactly? Hojo would take that child the second it was born, and if he didn't, would they be on the run? Who was that for? Cloud? Did Sephiroth truly think that would be anything he wanted?
If Hojo was ever to be considered trustworthy, Cloud was not meant to be with Sephiroth—as if he hadn't always been aware of that fact. As if the second he laid eyes on the Omega, he hadn't known that he was his forever. His mate. His one biggest mistake.
He had told himself he was going to let Cloud go, as if it would be so easy. He had told himself that if he ran far enough that the dreams would stop—as if after meeting the other half of his soul he could ever dream of anyone else.
He was trying though. He was doing everything in his power to not find a satellite phone and call home to his ex-lover...the only thing he had ever wanted. It's not to say there weren't compelling distractions. The main distraction being the redhead who was currently snoring on his couch.
Reno had insisted on staying in his suite, saying that his new partner snored. Zack didn't argue, because the Turk tended to keep him away from his more maudlin thoughts. He would daresay he had become the closest thing he had to a friend since Cloud. He would just work hard not to screw things up like he had his other friendships. Then again, he didn't think Reno had a compulsion to fuck Sephiroth….Rufus maybe...but definitely not Sephiroth.
The Turk had more than a few choice words about what had happened with his friend. Zack had hesitantly broached the subject of how sick the Omega was, and Reno had gone out that night on deck and gotten so shitfaced he couldn't walk. He told him that the only thing that was stopping him from confronting Sephiroth is that the SOLDIER could kick his ass.
He didn't blame him in that regard. Zack had had much the same thoughts as he considered telling Sephiroth exactly what he thought of him. Would the General be so quick to continue to bite the blond if he knew what he was turning him into? Would he consider giving him up knowing that their entire relationship was built on a lie?
Zack pushed himself out of bed, resigning himself to the fact that he wouldn't be able to sleep as he quietly grabbed for his boots. He didn't want to wake Reno as the other was sprawled rather undignified out on the couch, hand splayed across his thin stomach.
He pushed out of the room, ignoring the roiling in his gut as the warship rocked on the waves, heading up towards the top of the deck to get some fresh air. He had joined Shinra because of this war. He had come from Gongaga because they had recruited him and told him it was just. It had all been built on a lie. Everything in the electric city was a false bravado to control the world. They were cruel. They were monsters, and he no longer thought that slaughtering Wutaiin soldiers was anywhere close to just. He was no longer a hero. ...Sometimes he wondered how he ever thought he could be.
His dream had died with those blue eyes.
Leaning against the deck, Zack sighed yet again as he stared out amongst the endless ocean. His violet eyes scanned the countless stars as he saw one shoot across the sky. He closed his eyes, making a wish on the star. ...Knowing that it would probably never come true. He had never been so lucky.
"What did you wish for?" Zack stiffened at the sound of the voice, hands tightening on the railing as he felt his teeth grind with his anger.
"Oh, you know the stories, don't you Seph?" Zack questioned, forcing a smile on his face as he looked over finally at the General of Shinra. "If you tell someone, it won't come true."
Violet eyes scanned over the man, taking in his less than kempt and pristine appearance. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. His skin was grey and sallow, his hair unwashed. He had never seen Sephiroth like this before in his life.
"Right," Sephiroth murmured, coming to stand beside him as he stared up at the sky. "Wouldn't want to jinx it."
"You look like shit," Zack spoke, never being one to pull his punches with the other. ...It was why they used to be friends. Everyone lied to Sephiroth. Everyone catered to his every desire. It was a rarity that someone would tell him the truth. Zack used to find it endearing...now he just found it annoying that Sephiroth had taken a shine to Cloud for that exact reason.
Sephiroth made a noise in his throat, not looking over at him as he ran a gloved hand over his exhausted eyes. "I can't sleep without him."
Zack narrowed his eyes at that, but fought to bring his face back to neutral. The last thing they needed was another fight between them. The rumors from the last one had held on for weeks. "Have you talked to him?" Because Cloud may be on the bottom of subjects he wanted to pal around with Sephiroth about, but he also wanted to know he was alright.
Sephiroth frowned at the question, finally sighing as he relented. "Yes," he stated simply. "Every night."
"Suppose being the General does grant you some privileges," Zack remarked, leaning back to look over the side as they avoided looking at each other. It was easier this way to pretend he didn't want to hit him. ...It was easier to pretend that he didn't miss him as a friend.
"Perhaps you'll get the chance to try it someday," Sephiroth replied, bitter resentment in his tone. "See how much you like it."
"Is he okay?" Zack questioned, voice guarded. The last thing he needed for Sephiroth to find out was that he had seen Cloud before he left...that he had injected his venom into his veins.
"He's getting there," Sephiroth finally replied with. "He's stubborn, but you know that." The SOLDIER finally turned to face him, and Zack had a suspicion he was about to bring up whatever had brought him to find him. "I'm in love with him." To his credit, Zack managed to keep the flinch from his spine. "I don't know how to keep him alive. It feels like he's slipping away from me."
"Slipping where?" Zack questioned, leaning over on one arm to face the taller man. "He lives in your suite...in your bed."
Sephiroth laughed bitterly. "He's only there because they put him there." He tilted his head back to stare up at the sky. "Nothing in my life has ever been there by accident. Imagine my surprise when I thought that he wanted me—when I thought he was leaving you for me."
Zack frowned at the strange tone in Sephiroth's voice. He sounded beyond stressed—almost panicked. "Seph, what are you talking about? He did leave me for you. That wasn't fake." To think he was out on a boat in the middle of the ocean, giving relationship advice to the person who had ruined his life.
"He came to Shinra once—when he was younger. I hadn't remembered, but then again, the experiments were so bad at that time, I made myself block a good portion of it out. That—or they took it from me, as they took so many of his memories from him."
He debated walking away from this...leaving Sephiroth to his darkness, but he couldn't. This man had been his friend, and there was so much hurt in his voice now. "Why did they bring him to Shinra?"
Sephiroth gave a tight grin, and Zack swore he saw his eyes begin to almost slit, but they were back to normal after a breath. "Hojo brought them all...all the Omegas. He paraded them in front of the President, his new creations. He swore to them that these children would eventually lead them to the Promised Land, and in doing so, condemned them all to their fates."
"How is being an Omega going to get us to the Promised Land?" Zack questioned. Sephiroth shot him a disappointed look, and Zack realized he should have been smarter than that. "The baby."
"The baby," Sephiroth agreed. "Of course, Alphas were needed to produce a new line of super SOLDIERS. Another level from what Hojo could ever accomplish with his mako injections. But Alphas are one thing—and what I am has always been quite another, hasn't it?"
"What you are?" Zack was almost afraid to ask. He knew what Hojo had told him in the lab….he just didn't know how self aware Sephiroth was of just what they had made.
Sephiroth hung his head then, leaning over the edge as he stared down at the water. "What does it matter?" he asked after a while, slowly shaking his head. "What matters is that I was supposed to breed him. They let me choose...because I'm not one of you." Zack kept his face blank, fighting the urge to comfort this man who was clearly in so much pain. "I wasn't born with a soulmate. ...They manufactured that as well."
"Sephiroth…" Zack spoke, already knowing that Cloud wasn't his, but to hear the raw pain of knowing behind the other's voice was enough to make the cold anger he was harboring begin to break.
"You're my friend," Sephiroth spoke softly. "You've always been a good person, and so allow me to acknowledge the fact that I wronged you. Allow me to beg forgiveness for not being able to give him up...even for someone who has only ever shown me kindness." His fingers twitched while gripping the edge. "I have security cameras in the suite. ...I wasn't about to leave him without knowing he was safe." Sephiroth's hands were shaking now as he couldn't seem to bring himself to look over. "I saw what you did. I saw you save him when I could not." Sephiroth did finally look up at that, and Zack felt his heart clench at the way this man was on the precipice of breaking. "Thank you. I'm forever in your debt, Zachary, but let it be done. He'll go to you if you ask him, and so I need to make it clear that that's not something I will ever allow to happen."
Zack frowned at the underlying threat, taking all that he had said in as he turned to face him. "You don't know him very well if you think he doesn't actually love you. We're more than our instincts...that's why I didn't bite him during his heat."
"How'd that work out for you?" Sephiroth questioned darkly.
His fists clenched as he kept the anger pushed down. "Clearly not well," he spoke softly. "Still, I never wanted him to feel that wanting him was because of what he was. It's always been about who he is. You say that they put him in your path...that they made you pick one of them...well why did you pick him?"
"He saved my life," Sephiroth spoke simply. "I told you, the experiments were so bad back then. I dreamt of escaping—dreamt of dying. When they paraded those Omegas in, I used the distraction to slip away. I pick-pocketed a keycard and managed to get up to the roof. ...I would have jumped if he hadn't stopped me. ..This child who was staring up at me with the brightest blue eyes I'd ever seen."
"What did he say to you?" Zack questioned, not believing Sephiroth would have been driven to such a state. What the hell had Hojo done to him in his life? ...Done to them all.
Sephiroth gave a shaky laugh. "He told me I had pretty hair." He swept his fingers through his unkempt locks at that, and Zack remembered back to when Cloud had seen Sephiroth down in the slums. ...Everything really did come around. "He then asked me if I was trying to fly. He asked if I could teach him, because he also wanted to fly away. He told me he would follow me if I succeeded." Sephiroth pressed a hand against his face, and Zack saw it etched with pain. "His eyes were so hollow...he was so skinny. This child who had been paraded in front of Shinra like he was cattle."
"I'm going to kill them all one day," Zack spoke. "For what they did to him," he hesitated. "...For what they did to you."
"Why Zachary," Sephiroth spoke, having yet to remove the hand pressed to his eyes. "I didn't know I had made it quite so high on your list of vengeance."
"They deserve worse," he spoke, voice dripping with hatred. "So you didn't jump because he would have jumped? That it?"
"I didn't jump because the next thing he said to me was that there was no proof it would be better," Sephiroth murmured. "He'd obviously tried before...to end the sadness behind those eyes. He didn't attempt to stop me from jumping. He just promised he would go with me if I tried. It was the first choice ever given to me."
"Do you really think he would have jumped?" Zack questioned quietly.
Sephiroth sighed, and when he put his hand down, Zack could see his eyes were shining. "I think he does a lot of things for me that he shouldn't...including that child. He's never going to carry it to term," Sephiroth spoke hollowly. "I would never let such an abomination be born."
"Seph," Zack spoke, eyes wide. "It's your child…"
"Haven't you been listening?" Sephiroth questioned. "Nothing has ever really been mine. What is inside him is only there because they manufactured it to be. There's no proof letting it be born would be better," he repeated the words Cloud had spoken to him.
Zack knitted his eyebrows, not able to comprehend the pain behind that exhausted voice. How little did Sephiroth truly think of himself? What did he see when he looked in the mirror? "Seph—" he spoke softly, lunging forward then and wrapping the taller man in his arms. The other was stiff against him, arms pressed awkwardly to his side as Zack pulled him closer. "We'll figure it out, okay?" he told him, wondering what he was doing embracing the man who had ruined his life.
Had he really though? Had it ever been up to Sephiroth when it came to who was pressing themselves between Cloud's thighs? Hojo had done this. ...The President had done this.
He would make them pay.
Hesitant arms slowly rose as Sephiroth embraced him back, pulling away as he stared down into his face. "You really are the better man," Sephiroth spoke, face stricken as he turned and headed back down below deck.
Sephiroth would never know that on that star, Zack had wished for him to finally find peace. ...He wondered if it would come true.
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A.N- Sorry for the short update! I was going to have an entire segment with Cloud, but I actually liked how this went between them. I feel sorry for them both. It feels great to do an update after the delay. Sorry for the long span. Thanks so much for reading, and let me know what you thought!