Little idea I got that I have been wanting to make for this story. It is also a way to say sorry for taking so long to update my stories. For this story there will be a narrator that the characters can hear.
This is not canon to the story in any way. Made purely for fun. This is a parody of the old "How To…" Goofy episodes. Now on with the show.
"Narrator speaking"
"Character speaking"
How To Wield A Keyblade.
Lincoln is in the training room of the Gummi Ship practicing swings with his Keyblade. The swings were a little sloppy to say the least and leave much for growth. Marco was also in the room practicing on a dummy.
"Why hello there young one." The narrator, me by the way, said.
"Wow dude this has got to be the biggest fourth wall break you've done yet. And last I checked you're not that much older than me. What do you want?"
"Yeah I know. New story so just play along. Do you hate it when a door is locked and can't open it? Or say find a random chest but don't have a key? Do you need to learn proper fighting styles?"
"Well...I guess so. Also that seemed oddly specific." Lincoln agreed.
"Well now there is a solution to all of your problems." I say rising the dramatics.
"You have my attention." Lincoln said, interested.
"A drum roll please." drums play in the background. "And it is called…...a manual."
A giant book fell right next to Lincoln two times his height. It is titled 'How To Wield A Keyblade'. It scared him half to death as well.
"I have to read all this?! Please tell me this is for fighting and magic?" Lincoln asked.
"Oh no no no no. This is just the fighting style book." Lincoln opened the book having to jump and pull down the cover.
"There are many different forms for keyblade fighting. You have Form 1, Form 1.5, Form 2, Form 2.5, Form 2.8, Form 0.2: The Remastered/Final Form 1, form 2 final mix+, form 0.2+: A Wielders Passage, Dream Form For Distance Fighting, and last but not least form 3. Maybe a couple years before you get to that one. These forms may look complicated but they are actually very easy to learn."
While listening Lincoln was trying to read the book but couldn't understand a lot of it. "Over half this book is just scribbles instead of actual words and some is in a language I can't read. Is it even real?
"Moving on. Along with fighting there are also magic books."
"Did you say books? As in plural?" Lincoln asked, worried.
"Yes. There's how to use fire, blizzard, thunder, aero, gravity, zero gravity, water, time, sleep, stop, magnet, reflect, and of course, cure spells." With every spell listed a book landed on top of Lincoln's arms now almost too much for him to carry. "Oh and the more powerful version of each one." Two more of each book landed on Lincoln's pile, said boy trying to not drop the books or fall from the pressure of said books. But alas it was too much and the pile fell done both on Lincoln and Marco who is still in the room.
"Ahahahahahahaha." Both boys screamed almost as high pitched as a girls scream.
"Lincoln what are all these books?" Marco asked.
"Spell books apparently."
"Think I could try some of them?" Marco asked, curious.
"Sorry but these are for keyblade wielders only. First rule of the keyblade, the wielder must be chosen by the keyblade. So in other words you have to be worthy of the weapon. And sad to say you are not."
"Alright I got it." Marco said to the narrator walking out of the room a little annoyed and sore.
"So can I try these now?" Lincoln asked.
"Not yet young padawan. First-"
"Did you just make a Star Wars reference?"
"Doesn't matter. Now before you learn magic there is another technique you must learn. Cue the montage."
"Step 1: Opening doors and chests."
"One of the many uses of the keyblade is being able to open any door or treasure chest. All you simply have to do is point your blade at the door or tap the chest."
Lincoln walked up to a closet in the gym that held the training equipment holding his Brother's Key Keyblade to the door. He waited for a couple seconds but nothing happened. Confused, he tried his other weapon but still nothing happened. Annoyed, he got right in front of the door and pointed the Jack of All Trades keyblade again, the weapon less than an inch away from the door. Nothing happened again so Lincoln tried something else.
He steadily held one blade at the door moving it slowly to the keyhole until it bumped into it. Lincoln then proceeded to repeatedly shove his keyblade into the keyhole thinking that it would eventually fit. Still not getting anywhere he backed up a couple feet and threw both keyblades at the door both harmlessly bouncing off the door and clanging on the floor.
"Have you tried pointing both at the same time?" The narrator asked.
Lincoln slapped himself on the head. "Why didn't I think of that?" He grabbed both blades and then pointed both at the door. A small beam of light formed from the two and went into the keyhole. Lincoln heard what sounded like a lock unlocking.
"Finally. That seemed more complicated than it needed to be." The boy said.
"Yes well now that you have mastered that. It is time to open treasure chests.
"I hope that's easier than the door."
"Oh don't worry. It's very easy." A chest appeared next to Lincoln confusing the boy. "For you to practice on. And before you ask I am the narrator I can do whatever I want."
"Fair enough." Lincoln said. He turned around to face the chest. "So how do I do this?"
"To open a chest all you have to do is tap the top of it."
"Alright." Lincoln used one of his blades and tapped the small chest once. Much like the door nothing seemed to happen. Lincoln taped it again but still nothing. He grabbed the blade with both hands (causing the other blade to disappear.) and slammed the blade on the chest repeatedly.
"Oh did I forget to mention that you have to double tap? My bad."
"You're enjoying this aren't you?"
"Maybe a little."
*Sigh* Lincoln reluctantly double tapped the chest and sure enough it opened. There was nothing in the chest as it was just for practice.
"Good. Now let's try a bigger chest." Another chest almost up to Lincoln's waist appeared right next to the smaller one. "Now for this chest you can try to do a little trick. It is a lot more fun."
"Alright. I'll try." Lincoln threw Brother's Key into the air flipping it but didn't go far enough and hit himself in the head with the handle. "That's going to bruise." Lincoln flipped the blade in the air again but missed the catch, the blade falling on the floor. It took about ten more times the keyblade wielder hitting his head or foot five of the times. The eleventh time he finally got the blade but missed the chest somehow.
"Oh come on!" Lincoln yelled walking away from the chest. He threw the keyblade behind him in frustration flipping it in the air not realizing that he threw it at the chest. The blade hit the center of the chest opening it. And unlike the last one this chest had something or more like someone in it.
"Surprise!" Lana popped out of the box only to see Lincoln walking away and his keyblade on the ground. "Dang it." She said.
"Now that you have…...somewhat learned the art of unlocking doors and chests it is time for the next step. Another drum roll please…...fighting styles!
"But I already have a fighting style." Lincoln argued.
"Yes but it could be better. And you just made it up in the spot."
"Well I wouldn't put it that way. It's more like-"
"Nope nope nope. No spoilers, this is not supposed to be cannon."
"Alright geez. Let's just continue this already." Lincoln replied exasperated.
"Now for this session we will look into the Form 1 fighting style. It focuses more one single blade wielders instead of dual wielding. It will help with that power up you have." The narrator explained.
Nodding in understanding Lincoln summoned both keyblades throwing them over his head letting the two form into the Kingdom Key.
"Now form 1 is very basic. For practice I brought out one of the dummies." Marco suddenly appeared in front of Lincoln holding a plate of nachos.
Marco looked around and saw that he was in the gym again and Lincoln had the Kingdom Key. "Oh hardy har har." He said sarcastically walking back out. Lincoln just looked confused, not sure how to react.
"Now that's over here is the actual dummy." The narrator said almost not holding in his laughter.
Now an actual dummy appeared ready for Lincoln to use. Lincoln looked at the book and saw that it was pretty easy. "Okay so forwards thrust, side swing, and then a three-sixty spin for a powerful finish." Lincoln read.
He walked up to the dummy and tried all three swings finally getting something on the first try. He thought nothing bad would happen and about to celebrate until the dummy, which swung back and forth with each hit, was pushed back far enough that it came pack full swing and hit Lincoln in the head.
"Really? Guess I should have seen that coming huh?" Lincoln asked the narrator.
"Yes you should have. Now try again. The best part of this form is you can try different combos." The narrator encouraged.
Lincoln backed a couple of feet and did a sliding dash followed by an uppercut and downward thrust. Lincoln was about to celebrate until the dummy hit him in the head again. "Oh come on!" Lincoln yelled glaring at the lifeless dummy. He started to swing again now blocking the dummy coming back at him and kept swinging until the dummy was almost torn up. Satisfied he turned around to go grab a water that he brought when this all started, only for the dummy to suddenly hit him again despite it not moving a second ago.
"What the heck?" Lincoln freaked out. He stared at the dummy that was once again completely still. He slowly turned around, keeping an eye on the dummy. After thinking it would be okay he turned his back to the dummy...only for him to look back at it as if it would move again. When it didn't he thought that nothing was wrong and started to walk away again, only to be hit again. Lincoln was getting very annoyed now and was about to summon his keyblades again until he heard what sounded like laughter. He looked around the dummy and looked down to see his sister struggling to hold her laughter. Sadly her self control was about as big as she was and she started bawling with laughter rolling on the floor.
Lana then happened to look up and see her brother giving her a look that said 'run'. "I'll just see myself out." She said bolting out the gym.
"You planned that didn't you?"
"Who? Me? Of course not. That was Lana. I may have told her you were in here but that was all I did."
"Can we just skip to the final part?" Lincoln asked, wanting this to be over.
"Oh of course. This next part is the end anyways. So now we move from fighting styles to, one finial drum roll please, mag-"
"Who is doing that drumroll anyways?" Lincoln asked.
*Sigh* "Okay one you interrupted me that was very rude you know. And two, Steven has been sitting out the door with a drum set I gave him just for this."
"Steven can play the drums?"
"I actually know how to play several instruments. Once tried to make a band with different me's from the past." He explained as if time traveling was just an everyday occurrence. He also came out of nowhere and scared Lincoln half to death.
"Gah! Okay one don't do that again, twoI am definitely going to be asking about that later, and three that's pretty cool." Lincoln said.
"Thanks. And I think the narrator knows how to play too." Steven added walking back to his drum set.
"I used to play percussion in jr. high but I haven't played since my freshmen (9th grade) year. I don't think I could really play anything without a music sheet and I barely remember how to read those. Especially for any instrument that is not a drum, like the xylophone."
"Maybe I can teach you." Steven suggested.
"...Thanks for the offer Steven but I don't think you understand how this whole fourth wall thing works. And I would try to explain it but we need to get back to the story before the readers lose interest."
"Alright if you say so." Steven replied. He then proceeded to do a drumroll to continue what Lincoln had interrupted.
"Hey!" Lincoln said looking at the words being typed.
"Well you did. No for the final part. MAGIC!"
"Someones a drama king."
"You know I am. Blame my drama teacher. Anyways for this we will try three different spells. Since you are still a padawan, and yes I already did that joke but I had to do it again, you shall try to cast fire spell today. Do you think you can handle that?"
"Of course I can." Lincoln said a little too sure of himself until he remembered something. "Just let me read the books first."
An undisclosed time later after reading the books
"Alright I think I am ready." Lincoln said summoning both his keyblades.
"Ah but there is something that you forgot. You see there are special items that you can use to increase your magic strength, They can increase All your magic in general, increase the attack of specific magic attacks, or make you more resistant to enemy magic attacks. And there are far too many to name so I'll just let you take a look."
"Look how?" The boy asked suspiciously. Just then there was a rumbling like an earthquake and the next thing Lincoln knew he was being buried several objects, some kind of belts, bangles, earrings and all kinds of rings. They just kept falling until it was a giant pile that completely buried Lincoln and only his small cowlick of his hair could be seen. He pulled himself out gasping for air.
"Why are so many of these rings and earrings?"
"Hey I didn't make them. That's just how they come. You don't have to use any right now but you will definitely want to use these when you have more of a grip on magic. Anyways I just thought you should now about them-"
"You just wanted to do another joke."
"Guilty as charged. But now you are ready."
"Wait!" A voice said running onto the gym, but not before what sounded like someone crashing into drums was heard. One of the Cymbals came rolling in followed by a drum set and then the bass drum with someone rolling inside it. Their feet were sticking out one end but their face was covered by the other side which hasn't broken yet….yet being the keyword.
"Okay so we all know who this is so I am just going to say it, What the drum roll happened Star?" I, the narrator asked.
Da-dum-tssss. Everyone turned around to see Steven had got his drum stick back and did the oh so popular tune for puns.
"Sorry. I heard you were doing magic and I thought I could help." She explained as she
"You owe me a new drum set by the way." Steven said.
"I'll make you a new you. And sorry Star but this is for Lincoln only. You can watch if you want." I said.
"Fine." Star agreed walking to the side.
"Now I will bring out another dummy that is more resistant to magic attacks." I said having another dummy appear.
"Alright. I'll give it a shot." Lincoln pointed Brother's Key blade at the dummy. He thought he would try fire first. He held the blade with both hands and tried to concentrate his power through the blade. "Fire!" He yelled, only for nothing to happen.
"What? Oh come on." Lincoln groaned.
"Magic is usually harder to use for those still learning their powers. Try again. And don't be so tense."
"Okay." Lincoln took a deep breath and pointed the blade again, calming himself down. He closed his eyes and took another deep breath-
"Go Lincoln go Lincoln go Lincoln go!" Star cheered.
"Star I am trying to concentrate."
"Oh sorry." Star said starting the cheer again but only above a whisper. "Go Lincoln go."
"Fire!" Lincoln yelled again this time the blade seemed to spark but still nothing. "Fire!" This time a tiny ball of fire came out and almost went to the floor immediately and bounced before disappearing.
"Nice fireball. You may give Mario a run for his money." I said sarcastically.
"Are you trying to help me or not? Fire! Come on. Fire! Fire! Firefirefirefirefirefirefire!" Lincoln kept repeating shaking the blade in annoyance. "I am starting to think these things don't like me."
"Oh trust me they do. I mean come on did you really think you would be able to use magic on the spot? It takes practice dude. You have to be patient. And to answer your earlier question I am, but you got to admit that was funny. Just clear your mind and try one more time I have a feeling."
Lincoln sighed and held the weapon again. This time he cleared his mind and concentrated on the keyblade. He closed his eyes and as loud as he could yelled, "Fire!" And a fireball actually came out! Sadly it was more powerful than he thought and was sent flying back into Star who was standing behind him for safety reasons. He crashed into her and both rolled on the ground. Lincoln quickly got off of her to save himself from embarrassment.
"Are you okay Star?" He asked.
"Oh my gosh Lincoln that was amazing! Try another spell!" She said excitedly.
"I will Star but are you okay?"
"Oh trust me I have had worse." She smiled.
"Well I guess we can call that progress. Now that you seem to have fire down why don't you try the ice or blizzard spell and we can call that a day."
"Alright. I feel better about this one." Lincoln said. He summoned Jack of all Trades this time and pointed the blade at the dummy not seeing Marco coming in.
"Why do I feel like I am forgetting something?"
"Hey Lincoln have you seen St-"
"Freeze!" Lincoln yelled at the dummy to activate the ice spell. Amazingly the spell worked on the first try! It was a little more powerful than expected but didn't send Lincoln flying like before. He noticed that instead of just one he sent multiple small shards most of them hitting the dummy.
"Lincoln help me!" Marco yelled. Key word was most of them. Lincoln looked over to his friend and saw that he was frozen in ice from his waist down!
"Oh right. I forgot the ice spell comes out in several shards. My bad."
"Don't worry Marco we are coming!" Star yelled.
"Well I guess some practice is still in order but I think we can….freeze it here for now."
Da-dum tssss
The end.
Well what do you guys think? I hope you liked it. I wanted to make this little bonus chapter for a while. Mostly as a sorry for taking so long on uploading chapters. And before you saw anything no I have not been working solely on this since the last update. I actually am almost done with the next chapter for Loud Heart's main story. I plan to have it posted within the next week assuming work doesn't get too busy. I will respond to comments in the next chapter since this is a bonus and not a part of the main chapter. So until then I will see you guys later.
Lincoln: Hey come help us unfreeze Marco!
Coming!