Author's note: CW for mentioned misogyny
-x-
It was the weekend, finally, which for Remus meant a lot of work. The first week of lessons didn't give much homework, however the second week… well he had missed a lot. Thankfully, Lily copied over all her notes from most of their classes, David lent Remus his notes from Divination, and the Marauders did their best to fill Remus in on what happened in Muggle Studies and Care of Magical Creatures. Though Remus did end up getting Aegis's notes from Muggle Studies, and Bones's notes from Magical Creatures. James, Sirius, and Peter were all amazing guys but good note-takers… they were not.
When Sirius woke Remus up on Saturday morning, Remus was still tired since he had stayed up late the previous night; James and Sirius had gone exploring, so Peter and Remus stayed up to keep an eye on the entrance. Instead of doing homework like he intended, Remus wound up playing multiple rounds of Wild Adventures with Peter.
So he was pretty tired and hadn't made any dent in his workload yet, and felt his shoulders sag slightly when Sirius explained why he woke Remus up so early: Slytherins' tryouts. Not only that but he had his first Magical Theory that night.
"Tryouts start soon," Sirius said as they got ready. "We should have time to grab something to eat."
Remus yawned as he tied his trainers. He was wearing his nice, new jeans that actually fit him and as he finished tying the laces he looked at the denim on his legs, feeling happy he had something that fit him so well. He considered wearing the jumper James had gotten him a year ago that also fit well, but didn't feel like looking for it; instead he wore his father's ancient Beauxbatons sweatshirt that engulfed his upper body. He wondered, vaguely, what the Jean-Marie would think when he saw it on him.
Sirius grabbed James's cloak, tucking it into his satchel as they left the dorm as quietly as they could. If it was a weekday everyone else would be at breakfast by now but since it was Saturday, Sirius and Remus were the only Gryffindor third year boys awake.
The two of them grabbed toast and pieces of bacon, wrapping them in napkins as they left the castle. They went out a different door than the one nearest the pitch, and found a quiet corner by the castle to wrap the cloak around themselves. Then they trooped across the grounds, Remus glancing back at the trail they left in the dew. It was somewhat foggy so hopefully nobody would really notice.
The pitch was already filling up with Slytherins and Remus quickly spotted Aegis's pale blonde head. He was by himself, twisting the handle of a school broom around in his hand, looking nervous. Remus scanned the other bleachers, relieved when he saw Alexander, hoping she was there for Aegis. Then he returned his gaze back to the wannabe-players and saw Regulus. He was also by himself but didn't look nervous. He gripped his broom—new, and nice—while giving that haughty Black look Remus knew so well from Sirius.
"C'mon," Sirius whispered, pulling them over to the Gryffindor section of the stands. They took seats and quietly ate their food, watching as the Slytherin Captain rallied the waiting students. "Wait—what the hell is she doing here?" Remus followed Sirius's eyes to see his cousin, Narcissa Black, striding confidently across the pitch. "She—she's in trousers!?" Sirius gaped at his relative. "I didn't think Narcissa even knew girls could wear trousers, let alone own a pair herself!"
Narcissa Black stopped next to Regulus. She was wearing a tight Slytherin jumper and nice trousers, looking very different from the few times Remus had seen her. Her pale blonde hair scraped back in a tight ponytail was definitely different too; Remus thought she usually wore her hair loose around her shoulders. As he and Sirius watched, Narcissa pulled Quidditch gloves out of her pocket, yanking them on before stooping down to pick her broom carrying case back up. She turned to Regulus, saying something. Regulus responded, and the Black cousins both smiled.
Remus licked the bacon grease off his fingers as the Captain sorted out who was trying out for what. Those currently on the team didn't need to try out, so there were only two positions open: Chaser and Seeker. Aegis and Narcissa stood with the Chasers while Regulus went with the Seekers.
"Chaser?" Sirius gave a snort. "Uncle Cygnus won't like that."
"Why not?"
"Uncle Cygnus is one of the Blacks who believe the only proper Quidditch position for a girl is Seeker," Sirius explained. "He constantly complains that the Holyhead Harpies are a bunch of… freaks. Unladylike. Unsuitable. Building up arm muscles is too 'manly' for witches to do." He pulled a face, making a slight gagging sound. "Arse. Good for Narcissa, trying out. Brave of her. Didn't know she had it in her."
The Chasers tried out first, going by age then name. A couple second years were trying out and they were obviously not good enough. Seeing them failing so hard made Remus appreciate how amazing it was that James got on the team in his second year. Then the third years went, and Remus quietly cheered Aegis on. Unfortunately it was pretty obvious he wasn't great. He wasn't bad by any means, but Remus highly doubted he'd end up on the team. He scowled at the two Slytherin Beaters who kept laughing whenever Aegis messed up. The Captain kept rolling his eyes which made Remus wonder if Aegis would have had a chance for the team no matter how well he played.
"Well, let's see what she can do," Sirius said when it was Narcissa's turn.
Remus really didn't know much about Quidditch, but he could tell Narcissa was good. She was clearly the best person who had tried out so far, and by the time the Chasers finished trying out Remus figured it would end up being Narcissa. Sirius had looked rather impressed too.
Regulus was the first one up to try for Seeker, as the only second year. Sirius leaned so far forward it tugged at the cloak. Regulus mounted his broom and took off, chasing down a couple of snitches as well as showing off his skills on the broom. He was really good. Remus knew less about Seekers than he did Chasers, but he thought Regulus probably had a good chance.
"Do you want to stay?" Remus asked after Regulus landed. The next person up was a girl in their year, Zella Jacknife.
Sirius stretched his arms as best he could under the confines of the cloak. "Nah, we won't find out anything until later anyway. Thanks for coming with me."
"You're very welcome."
They slipped out of the pitch, going back to the dark corner near the castle to pull the cloak off. Remus reached up to smooth his hair down and as soon as he did Sirius messed it back up.
"Hmph. So, do you think he'll make it?"
"Without seeing the others, dunno. Buuuut I think he's got a very good chance."
As they walked through the school they passed by knots of students who were all whispering about the potion-explosion-incident the previous week. Remus didn't realize why until they met up with James and Peter, who excitedly told them that the students that had been hurt in the explosion had returned to the school, or so people were saying. James was hoping they might show up for lunch while Peter expressed doubt they'd be seen at all today.
The others wanted to go around pulling pranks but Remus went to the library by himself to work on his assignments. He wanted to be with his friends, however since he stayed up so late playing games with Pete he knew he needed to dedicate time to his work. He powered through his Arithmancy homework first since it was mostly an essay. He chose an important date in recent history, took it down to its simplest number, and needed to write a couple of feet on the link between the event and what its number meant. Remus scrawled down his event, the number, and some of the basics for the essay; it wasn't due for nearly a week so he could put it off. He just wanted the foundation.
Divination would also be easy but he put that off, not wanting to touch his cards again yet. Instead he focused on beginning the essay for History, searching through the aisles for books needed and then writing for a good hour and a half before his stomach growled. He peeped up at the clock, seeing it was almost noon; he hadn't had much breakfast. Biting his bottom lip, he debated continuing writing or going to get food. Ultimately writing won, and he spent another forty minutes working before his stomach complained too much.
Groaning, he stretched his arms, flexed his fingers, and put everything away. He chose the two books he was using the most and checked them out, making light conversation with Mr. Farrow as he did.
"Professor Clawhorn wasn't any good," Mr. Farrow said, peering at one of the books Remus had chosen. "You'd be better off reading Miss Tobrayan, if y'want a more accurate view of the Cirella-Alberta duel." He tapped the cover of the book. "Clawhorn is very anti-Alberta, Tobrayan is more fair."
"Oh. Th-thank you," Remus said.
Farrow flicked his wand and as he checked the other book out, another book floated over. "You want this one?" He held up the Tobrayan book. "Or the Clawhorn one?"
"Er, b-both," Remus said, wanting to see for himself if Clawhorn was biased or not. He jammed all three books into his bag and took off, his bag banging against his legs as he ran to the Great Hall. He searched for any of his friends and, finding none of them, took a seat by himself at the end of the Gryffindor table; he began reading the Tobrayan book as he shoveled food in his face, almost immediately seeing the difference. Clawhorn had been pretty anti-Alberta… Curious he opened the book and flipped to the bio in the Clawhorn had been a Gryffindor. Alberta Flint was a Slytherin.
Remus set the book down, staring at his food, thinking again about how stupid the whole rivalry was. He glanced over at the Slytherin table, wondering if he should try to make more Slytherin friends. Though the thought of reaching out to anyone—Slytherin or not—was daunting. He felt his organs shriveling into little rocks, imagining talking to people. Even Parkinson comforting him the previous day had been almost too much.
Can't do it. He shook his head, picking his fork up. People are too scary. Besides, he really did need to keep his circle of friends as small as possible. In case anyone else figured out the truth…
-x-
"Right. Just pick three of the cards and we'll go from there."
Carefully, Remus laid out the cards Lily had chosen. She sat across from him in the courtyard, cheeks pink with excitement while Ink—Cassie and Alice sat nearby. Remus had failed in tracking down the other Marauders and instead found the girls and Lily agreed to be the subject of his Divination homework. That was a relief, since he didn't want to pull any cards for himself.
"All right, this card represents your past." Remus flipped the card over and Lily gave a slight gasp. "N-no!" he cried out. "It's n-not necessarily bad!" The card he had flipped over for her was the hanged man and Lily eyed the words with apprehension. "Actually it isn't b-bad at all really. Um. Let's see here. Sacrifice. Waiting. Wisdom. Uncertainty. Trails. Circumspection…" He licked his lips as he read through the possibilities. "It could mean you felt stuck in your life. You had a period of indecision in your life, unsure of—of where to go or how to proceed. You saw the word differently than those around you. You had to make a—a sacrifice to continue on, maybe…"
Lily narrowed her eyes, pulling one of her braids in to chew at the end.
"Er." He flipped the next card over. "Your present. Six of—of swords. This m-means… healing, progress, moving forward, journeys, enjoyment… moving onward, letting go of what you—what you sacrificed, perhaps? You're moving through unknown waters—" he paused, since she gave a loud snort at that, "—you might feel sad at what's left behind but what you are going through will help you become a—a better, stronger person."
"Hmm." She flipped her braid back. "And my future?" Alice and Cassie both began giggling wildly at that, and Lily waved her hand, glaring at them.
Remus flipped the last card over. "The five of wands. This represents… battling, conflict, aggression, clashes, tension, chaos… it sounds like you might be in for a—a struggle, that you feel like you're not heard… there could be a lack of control in your life… change is coming whether you like it or not."
Lily let out a long breath. "Oh lovely, that one."
Remus pulled the cards back. "I'm s-s-sorry…"
"No, it's not your fault." She flipped her braid again. "Could you do one more? I'm curious. Just… one question."
"Ooh, all right." He began shuffling the deck again.
Lily's eyes began sparkling and the blush in her face grew redder. "I want to know about romance." Her two friends fell over from giggling so much and Lily stuck her nose in the air, ignoring them. "My love life. I want to know… umm… well, I just want to know what might be in store for me."
"What love life?" Cassandra demanded and Lily chucked a clod of earth at her.
"Shut up!"
She pointed at a card and Remus flipped it over. "The t-two of cups let's see." He flipped the pages. "It means—oh." He felt heat creeping into his face and knew he was going as red as Lily.
"What?" Lily craned her neck.
Remus began going even redder, pulling the book close. "It rep—r-r-rep—represents l-love," he squeaked out. "Um. F-friendship. Affinity. Um. Union. Deep compassion. Um. A lot of love in your life. Strong connection. Yeah. I think whoever you are with, you will love them deeply and, er, he will love you deeply in return. You'll also have a strong connection with him as, um, friends, not just love but… yeah."
Lily tilted her head. "Is that it?"
"Uhhh, about—about all, yes," he lied, shutting the book quickly. "I should go—"
"Remus Lupin, you tell me what this means right now or I'll hex you!" Lily threatened.
Remus squeaked again, opening the book. "I—it—I can't!"
"What do you mean? Is it something bad?"
He shook his head, feeling like me might empty the cauldron any second. "Not… not b-b-bad…" He sucked in some air, looking down at the words before him then glancing up. If it was just Lily he might be able to say it, but with the other two there he doubted he could! "It—it—" She got her wand out and he shuddered at the thought of Lily hexing him. She knew a lot of vicious hexes! "Itmeanssexualrelations." He ducked his head behind the book. "Passion. In… intense… and fulfilling r-relationships."
Lily stared at him then down at the card which was… ironically… or maybe not… a Slytherin card. So there was a splash of green across the black. Not only that but between the two goblets was a line and entwining around the line were two snakes. Remus really hoped that that aspect didn't mean anything.
Then Cassie and Alice began shrieking with laughter and Lily looked like she dipped her entire head in a vat of scarlet dye. Her hands flew to her face and she fell back, making strange, muffled sounds while the entire courtyard watched the four of them. Cassie and Alice were on the ground now, rolling back and forth.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" Cassie squealed.
"LLILLLLYYYYYYY!" Alice drew out.
"SHUT UP!"
"Sorry," Remus whispered, doubting she even heard him. Feeling humiliated, he picked the card up and returned it to his deck, putting the deck away before anyone else could ask for anything possibly embarrassing. In fact, he didn't want to be there anymore at all. Lily was chasing Cassie now, since Cassie made some comment, while Alice wiped tears from her cheeks. Remus grabbed his bag and crept away, not wanting to be part of that anymore.
Of all the cards to pull… oof!
-x-
It felt like Remus would never get through his pile of work and when the Marauders found him in the Great Hall later in the afternoon, he gave up for the time being. He wanted to do things with them, even if those things were running around outside playing various games. James was on edge for the tryouts that evening, even though Remus couldn't fathom Bell not putting him back on the team. He mentioned the Slytherins not having their old members go through tryouts and James shrugged, pointing out different Captains had different styles.
"It really is just a—hmm what's the word…" James narrowed his eyes in thought. "Formality."
"Then why are you so nervous?" Sirius asked, and James punched his arm.
At supper things started off normally, then a hush went across the entire room when three older Slytherins came into the room. Remus looked up, staring wide-eyed at them, knowing immediately they were the ones who caused the explosion. One of them was shuffling along in a strange manner, the other had her wizarding hat crammed down over her ears, and the third—well, he was completely missing an arm. The sleeve of his jacket was pinned up to his shoulder, and he kept his head up, not returning any of the stares.
"They did get Splinched!" James whispered.
"They didn't," Remus said immediately. "Splinched is an Apparition-only injury."
"I heard the girl is missing her ears," Peter said, ignoring Remus.
"The other guy is limping like he's lost part of his leg," Sirius added.
The three Slytherins took their seats and began eating. Slowly conversation returned to the tables though most of the voices were hushed, as they were whispering about the Slytherins. Remus averted his gaze, looking at his food instead of the Slytherin table. He didn't want to stare though he was burning with curiosity. Had they lost parts of their bodies because the potion they were making was an attempt to be able to teleport in and out of the Hogwarts grounds, or were the injuries simply very severe injuries from a regular ol' potions incident? Not regular, though, if they lost body parts. It would have had to be something… powerful or… dark.
"Good luck at tryouts," Remus said, at twenty till six.
"Thanks," James said, bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet. "Uh, have fun with the boring nerdy thing."
Remus tried not to laugh as he shouldered his satchel. "Thanks."
He headed up to the fourth floor of the castle, finding the classroom without much trouble. He pushed open the door, peering in nervously. There was someone else there—another student. Older student, in a Ravenclaw uniform. Remus froze up, worried that he was supposed to wear his uniform. The student turned and smiled, seeing Remus.
"Come on in, have a seat!" he said cheerfully.
Remus chose a seat somewhere in the middle of the room, not sure how many other students were going to be there. There hadn't been many lists on the name when he signed up, but that was just the Gryffindor list and the class was open for all. Soon the other students began showing up. The first people that came in that Remus actually knew were Bones and Rivers, who took seats by Remus. Shortly after Snape slouched in, taking a seat near the back. A moment later Magpie came in and took the seat on Remus's other side, so he was between her and Rivers.
Then, at just before six, the door burst open. "Heya!" Sirius said cheerfully, sauntering over to Remus and plopping down in the seat behind him.
"What are you doing here?" Remus whispered.
Sirius leaned forward, grinning. "Taking Magical Theory, obviously." He poked Remus in the shoulder. "I signed up today. Didn't I tell you?"
"No!"
"Oh, really? Hmm, must have slipped my mind."
Remus glared. "If you're here to cause trouble—"
"Not tonight," Sirius promised, sticking out his tongue. "Now hush, the teach is talking."
The student introduced himself as Chang Wei (or Wei Chang, if you wanted to go that route), a seventh year who had taken both classes in his years at Hogwarts and was applying for a job at the Ministry that revolved around magical theory. Flitwick had asked him to head the basic class.
"You'll get Professor Flitwick in your sixth year, if you take Advanced Magical Theory," Chang explained. "In this class, however, you'll be learning the basics. The fundamental laws of magic, various theories on magic and how it works, and how we interact with it, how it interacts with us… all of that fun stuff."
"Fun," Remus heard Sirius snort quietly.
Then Chang began discussing the first fundamental law of magic, which Remus knew already—he knew all of them. Actually if he had to admit it, it was a little boring. There was nothing really new for him as Chang went on until he deviated a little from what the books usually said. The first law involved the consequences of meddling with the laws of magic and how it can make one inhuman. Chang decided to go on with various examples through history although most were merely rumors… and then he explained one theory of the origin of some human-like creatures; it had been witches and wizards who had tampered with the laws of magic. He mostly discussed vampires for this, though also mentioned the theory that the original werewolf had been a wizard who purposely broke the laws of magic to become stronger and in doing so became a monster. Then Chang read to them one of the Tales of the Beetle Bard; namely The Warlock's Hairy Heart which was a fairy tale about a wizard who tried to circumvent the laws of magic.
Remus tried not to yawn. This was… a lot more boring and dull than he expected. Thankfully at 6:45, Chang said there would be a momentary break so people could stretch their legs.
"Right." Remus turned around. "What are you doing here?"
Sirius was balancing a bottle of ink on his nose to the amusement of Kioko Tanaka next to him. "Learning," he said as the bottle tipped over and bounced off his desk.
"You have no interest in this," he pointed out.
Sirius grinned. "How do you know? Maybe I do." He picked up the bottle and tossed it in the air, catching it. "Could be useful for pranks, maybe. Knowing the theories and such." He winked at Tanaka as he began balancing the bottle on his nose again.
After the break, Chang began lecturing more about the actual theory side of things which was marginally more interesting for Remus, however all of it was stuff he knew. He had wanted to learn new things. Though, he thought as he scribbled down notes, it is good to go over the basics. Chang then said things similar to what Remus had said in his very first Charms lesson, back at the start of his first year. Stuff Remus had known before he even started school. There was obvious interest from other people and Remus felt slightly adrift. Disconnected. For a split-second he was surprised that others his age didn't understand or know this, then he felt horrible and egotistical for thinking that.
At 7:15 Chang finished his lecture and took questions. For once Remus didn't raise his hand. He sat quietly, sucking at the end of his quill, listening to his classmates. After fifteen minutes, Chang wrapped everything up and dismissed the first meeting.
"That was interesting!" Sirius exclaimed loudly as Remus put his paper and ink away. Maybe the next one will have more information, he thought, getting up and following Sirius out. "Did you have fun?" he asked him, stopping in the hall.
Remus looked up, eyebrows high. "Er. It was…" He searched for the best word for the situation. "It was all right."
"What, only 'all right'?" It was Snape, of course, looming nearby with a sneer on his face. "The great Lupin didn't enjoy the lesson? What, too advanced for you?"
Remus shifted his weight, uncomfortable prickles going down his spine as others stopped to look at him. "Oppos-s-site, really," he mumbled.
"Couldn't hear that," Snape said, obviously enjoying the moment.
Sirius started to say something but Remus spoke up. "Op-p-pposite issue," he said firmly. "Th-th-those w-were things I learned before I even st-started school."
Sirius snickered while Snape looked irritated. Remus ducked his head, not liking the fact he had been bragging, but he also didn't like Snape saying those things.
"I'm sure," Snape huffed out.
"Considering I heard Remus yammering on about similar theories back in our first year, yeah, he's not wrong," Sirius said cheerfully, flinging an arm across Remus's shoulder. "Now come on, let's go see if the Chasers have tried out yet."
Before Snape could say anything else, Sirius began dragging Remus down the corridor. It wasn't until they were on the ground floor that Remus asked Sirius if he really did remember what he had 'yammered on about' in his first year. Sirius grinned, saying he remembered their first Charms lesson very clearly.
"You had been this little frightened stammering kid who didn't want to be seen, to giving off this big lecture about the theory of magic. It was brilliant."
Remus felt warm. "I don't know about that—"
"Absolutely brilliant," Sirius insisted.
The pitch was almost completely empty by the time they arrived, though James and Peter were still there. Peter was riding around on James's broom while James jumped up and down, encouraging him. Off to the side was Seu-Yun Kim and Onyx Hooper—the two Beaters—hitting a Bludger back and forth. Patricia Bell was sitting on the grass, peering through a pile of papers. There was someone else high up in the air flying around but Remus wasn't sure who it was.
"Hey guys!" James said brightly when he spotted them. "Tryouts were over pretty quickly." He looked at Bell then back at them, making a face. "Unfortunately I have the feeling she's gonna be putting Kirke on the team, officially."
Sirius gagged. "Him? Why?"
Marcade Kirke was a sixth year who had been a reserve Chaser the previous year, and made his hatred of James very well known. He constantly complained about a second year being on the team, insisting James didn't deserve his position. He often said James bought his way onto the team despite the fact the Potters hadn't donated any money whatsoever to the Quidditch section of the school until January, when James had raffled off his old broom and donated the proceedings to the school Quidditch as well as the library.
"I dunno." James rubbed the side of his nose. "I'm hoping not."
"How did Cassie do?" Sirius asked.
James brightened. "Really good! If you ask me, she should be on the team, not Kirke." He bent in to whisper, "She'll probably make reserve, if Bell puts Kirke on the team."
Pete came in for a rather ungraceful landing that wound up with him tumbling head over heels and the Marauders diving out of the way. James's broom was fine though he was more worried about Peter, who promised he was fine. His ankle twinged a bit, but he didn't want to go to Pomfrey unless it got worse.
"By the way… I got what was needed," James said as they made their way to the Gryffindor dorms.
"You mean for Operation Aqua?" Sirius asked.
Operation Aqua? Remus had never heard of that. His curiosity was piqued, but he remained silent.
"Yup!" James said brightly. "I asked Bell. Told her why. She gave it to me."
"What, really?" Sirius gaped at James. "Just like that?"
James snapped his fingers. "Just like that."
"After James mentioned the fact his father planned on buying brooms for the whole team," Peter said.
James glowered. "She trusts me!"
"Jimmy, nobody trusts you," laughed Sirius, wrapping an arm around James.
James grunted. "Fine, maybe it did have to do with the brooms but—look, the point is, tomorrow we can put Operation Aqua into effect."
"Why not tonight?" Peter asked, eyes shining.
Peter knows too? Remus felt his chest aching at the realization they were all planning something without him. He felt very left out, and very hurt.
"Evenings are no good," James said. "That's when it's busiest. We'll do it tomorrow morning or early afternoon."
The rest of the evening was spent in the Gryffindor tower, playing games with the girls. Cassie and Alice kept giving looks towards both Lily and Remus then giggling madly, but otherwise it wasn't too bad. Except for the fact Remus was hurting. He had experienced something similar before… when they were keeping the fact they knew the truth about his lycanthropy from him. He knew they knew something and felt left out. But what could Operation Aqua be? What could Bell help with? He had no clue, and didn't want to ask.
If they weren't going to tell him, well… that was their choice, but if they wanted him to help with anything—which they inevitably would—they wouldn't get it!