Author's note: CW for a very brief thought of wanting to cut body parts off

-x-

Remus woke up in the hospital wing like usual; however, unlike usual he was in one of the regular beds with curtains shut around him, or at least as far as he could tell with his wonky vision. He propped himself up, hissing out as pain engulfed his arms. Grunting, he pushed himself into a sitting position so he could look. His hands were still red and covered in a rash which extended up his arms nearly to his elbows. His face was hurting too. It felt like his cheeks and eyes were puffed up.

He remembered Pomfrey cleaning him completely off and spreading more of the cream stuff on the worst spots. He remembered her putting him in hospital pajamas and getting him into a bed. He also remembered hearing Slughorn chewing Pomfrey out for putting Remus ahead of Runcorn, who had been severely injured. Pomfrey responded that Professor Shafiq had more than adequately cared for Runcorn. They had argued some more, but Remus didn't really remember what was said.

He also remembered other bits. Being in utter agony (worse than this), and wondering if this was the worst he had ever felt. He knew, deep down, he had been in worse condition but in this moment he couldn't remember, couldn't think. He had thrashed in bed, begging for the pain and itchiness to stop. It had felt like the swollen parts of his body were also swollen on the inside, pressing in until everything felt tight.

He remembered another moment he had woken up and stared at his red, swollen hands, wondering what would happen if he simply cut them off.

Another time he caved in and scratched at his face, gasping with regret immediately. Pomfrey came running when she heard his noises and forced some sleep potion into him. She bent over him, hand stroking his hair, promising him he'd feel better soon when the potion on the burning parts of him finished working. His slitted eyes shut, and he fell asleep again, and that's all he remembered so he figured the sleeping draught had worked well.

Wolfsbane. He stared down at his reddish hands, wishing he had let the chair hit him. He had forgotten he was near some of the poisonous plants. They were very fenced off, with little signs saying not to go near. The wolfsbane was wedged against the edge of the greenhouse, far away from where he'd normally be.

Did anyone see? Did anyone guess? He had run out of the greenhouse pretty fast. Maybe people would think he fell into something else. Hopefully.

What time is it? He swung his legs out of bed and saw a few red streaks on his left ankle. Vaguely, he recalled only having one sock on because he had been in a hurry to get dressed. Most of his body had been protected, thankfully. His hands and face got the brunt of the poison. He could not imagine what would have happened if it had gotten onto more places, or into him.

His searching feet found slippers and he pushed aside one of the curtains, a little surprised to see several of the beds were occupied. His eyes flickered to the clock and after studying it for a moment he managed to figure out it was a little after six pm. He had been out for five hours and missed all his classes.

"Lupin!"

He jumped a little, yelped from the pain when he moved his body, then shrank back at the eager voice. It was Rivers, a few beds away. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with him and he was sitting up with a magazine or comic book in his lap, a big grin on his face.

"Good to see… oh! What's wrong with your face?"

All right, so that meant at least one person or a few people didn't know exactly where he fell. In all the chaos, he doubted anyone had paid him much attention other than the Marauders, and maybe Lily. "Erm, I f-fell in some poisonous plants," Remus mumbled, hoping that that would be a satisfying enough response. Would Rivers know it was wolfsbane? "What happened to… to you?"

Rivers made a face. "Pomfrey is making me rest here for a bit, until curfew. Concussion. Got hit in the head with a big flower pot."

Remus scanned the wing again, seeing two other third year Hufflepuffs (both girls), as well as the Gryffindor Veronica McNab. Beyond them was a much older student wrapped up in bandages. Runcorn, Remus supposed.

"There were more here earlier," Rivers said, getting out of his bed. "But it was mostly scratches or broken bones. Black was here for a while."

Sirius? "What happened?" he asked fearfully.

Rivers shrugged. "Dunno. He wasn't here long, if that helps. Your face looks awful. Erm, no offense."

Remus shook his head, pain tearing through with each swing of the head. "S'fine. It doesn't feel too… painful." Mostly itchy and tight; it was hard resisting the urge—the need—to scratch.

Before they could talk any further Pomfrey came into the room. "Rivers, back in bed! Lupin, you too." Remus scrambled back into his bed, kicking his slippers off as he did. Pomfrey checked on Rivers before slipping through the curtains to see Remus. "How do you feel?"

"Itchy and burny," he answered. "Is Sirius okay?"

"Mr. Black?" Pomfrey raised her eyebrows.

"Rivers s-said he was here earlier, being seen."

"Oh." She smoothed her apron down. "He carried you in here so I had to make sure he didn't have anything dangerous on his body." She dropped her voice very low so nobody else could hear. "Since he only had physical contact with you and not the plants themselves, I wasn't too worried. However, I didn't want to risk it in case he had any open wounds. In addition, I needed to make it seem like he was in danger similar to you, so they didn't get suspicious as to why Black didn't break out in rashes like you did."

Oh, right. "That makes sense," Remus mumbled, wishing as always he could tell Pomfrey the truth. That they knew he was a werewolf, that she didn't need to be so anxious about tiptoeing around them.

Pomfrey pulled out a pot of cream and twisted the lid off. "He's perfectly fine. Put your hands out." She began applying the cream first to his hands and wrists which were the worst, then up his arms, on his face, and a little on his ankle. The cream was cold and soothing, giving much relief to his skin. "Your parents have been notified."

He tried not to flinch at those words. "Wh-what did you say?"

"That there was an incident in Herbology, and… what you fell in." She wiped her hands off and put the lid back on the pot. "I told them you were doing very well and there was nothing to worry about."

Remus settled back, wondering if his mother would show up. Merlin, he hoped not…

"I heard… you arguing with Professor Slughorn," he ventured.

Her lips went a little thin. "Yes, Miss Runcorn was in bad shape and he felt I should have been the one to care for her. Since Urja doesn't know your… condition… there was no way I could allow her to care for you. I explained this to Horace. He eventually accepted it."

Remus ran his fingers along the sheets, feeling bad for causing problems.

"Are you hungry?"

"Oh, yes p-please. Oh, Madame Pomfrey?" She had turned to go but faced him once more. "Um, p-perhaps it would be a good idea to say this has… caused a relapse? Since tomorrow… I'll be…"

Pomfrey gave him a strange look. "That means you won't be able to go to your lessons tomorrow."

Now Remus did flinch, feeling physical pain at that thought. "I know," he whispered. "But it might seem weird for me to… recover and then end up back in the hospital after my lessons, or even leaving to see my mother." He twisted the blanket in his fingers, trying not to think about missing so many of his classes that he should have been at or should be at!

Pomfrey studied him for another few seconds before nodding. "Very well. I'll inform Minerva that you've taken ill."

The curtains twitched close behind her and Remus slumped down, cursing Hill and Jacobs for fighting and putting him in this mess!

-X-

One by one the other students, except for Miss Runcorn, were released from the hospital wing. Rivers swung by Remus's bed to say goodbye, and Remus clutched his blanket around him, shivering and sounding weak as he said goodbye, to play up the relapse.

At around seven-thirty Sirius and Peter showed up, intending to take Remus back to the dorms. Pomfrey allowed them past the curtains to see Remus and he had to pretend to be weak and sickly until Pomfrey left them.

"What's going on?" Pete asked, staring. "You're still all red."

"Pomfrey didn't tell us what happened," Sirius said, folding his arms, looking a little accusatory.

Remus pushed himself up. "Wolfsbane," he whispered. "I fell in wolfsbane. That's why I reacted like this." He held his still-red and still-swollen hands up, knowing his face was in similar shape. "Which meant you weren't in any danger, by the way," he added to Sirius. "She said secondary contact like that wouldn't have done anything unless you had any open wounds. Pomfrey only pretended so you wouldn't get suspicious. I wish we could tell her…"

Sirius sat down on the edge of his bed. "How bad is it? How much in danger are you?" He took Remus's arm so he could study his hand, frowning deeply as he did so.

"I… don't know," he admitted. "The only experience I've had with this is when I breathed it in during Potions and it gave me a rash under my nose for a while. Pomfrey gave me some stuff that's helped. I don't think I'm really in any danger, it's mostly agony until I heal. I'm hopefully going to be better by tomorrow night, before the moon."

"Wait… will you be in classes tomorrow?" Peter asked, eyes wide.

Remus ducked his head before shaking it. "No. We're going to say this has caused a relapse, to explain my hospital visit."

"And you agreed to miss tomorrow's classes?" Sirius joked.

Remus couldn't help but smile, eagerly awaiting to see his friend's reaction. "Actually it was my idea."

Sirius's eyes bugged out while Peter's mouth fell open. "WHAT?!" they both shrieked in unison.

"Shh!" Remus flapped his other hand, the one Sirius's wasn't gripping. "I know! It pains me, it sickens me, however I thought it would be far too suspicious if I returned to classes tomorrow only to fall ill—or for my mother to fall ill—tomorrow evening. It's too much, in my opinion. This is, unfortunately, better."

Sirius let go of Remus's hand and stood up as Pomfrey approached the curtains. "What is with the yelling?"

"Remus told us he's doing really bad," Peter said quickly, putting on his most innocent face. With his cutesy haircut and chubby cheeks he really pulled the innocent look well. "It scared us."

"How bad is he doing?" Sirius asked Pomfrey. "I'm doing fine, from the poison. I recovered quickly. Why isn't he recovering quickly?"

"You weren't rolling in the plants, you only held my body," Remus pointed out. "In addition you also don't have my blood disease. All of this was… too much I guess." He coughed weakly before slumping down, shivering some more.

Sirius bit his bottom lip, eyes sparkling a little as he tried to suppress a laugh. "You're right." He was doing his best to sound sympathetic but Remus could hear a slight giggle. "Will you be back tomorrow?"

"He might, if he's left to rest," Pomfrey said, putting her hands on her hips. "Now off with you."

Sirius and Peter both bid Remus farewell, promising to visit in the morning, and they disappeared through the doors. After they were gone Pomfrey helped Remus to his usual room, where he stayed during the days of the full moon. He settled back into his bed, wriggling his fingers and wishing they weren't too sore to hold a book. Sighing, he curled up, and daydreamed until he drifted off.

-X-

In the morning the swelling had gone down, although his hands and face were still itchy, red, and had a faint burning sensation. His ankle was completely better except for a slight itch. Pomfrey applied the cream over all the red spots and after breakfast his hands felt good enough to hold a book. He spent most of the morning reading, except for when Lily and Aegis visited on separate occasions. Since it was the day of the full moon he was exhausted with deep circles under his eyes, and he looked awful.

At one point Pomfrey came in and handed him a letter from his parents, which was mostly his mother waxing fear and worry over his condition and begging him to reply as soon as he could. He did, uncomfortably writing out a response about how he was doing fine, he was pretty much better by this point, and he was sorry to worry her. He gave the letter to Pomfrey to mail out, hoping it would help his mum. He hated causing problems.

He soon found out he inadvertently caused more problems than he thought. In the early afternoon he had a surprise visitor: Hill. The Hufflepuff crept in when Pomfrey opened the door, and stood at the foot of the bed, wringing his hands.

"Erm. I wanted to apologize," he said, looking down at his shoes. "It's my fault."

"It's n-n-not your f-fault," Remus said.

"No. It is. I mean, me and Jacobs." He kicked at the ground, looking uncomfortable. "Mostly me. I started the fight and I shoved Jacobs into the plant which caused the problems. See, Jacobs and I had a big argument over the weekend and I thought he was still mad at me. I thought he stepped on my glasses on purpose. I lost my temper."

Remus wasn't sure what to say in response. He barely knew Hill at all, and had never spoken to him before. He appreciated the apology but felt too awkward to say anything back. It was bad enough his friends seeing him tucked away in a hospital bed, it was awful having a complete stranger being there.

"I heard it caused you to, uh, have your… your disease flare up again." Hill lifted his chin, forehead wrinkled, looking genuinely upset. "I'm sorry. I'm real sorry. I hope—I hope it isn't—isn't b-bad."

Remus felt exponentially guilty over the lie. It had been a good idea to have this be the reason he was sick again… but he hadn't thought of how Hill or Jacobs might feel. Hadn't expected either of them to blame themselves. "S'okay," he croaked out. "It's okay, it's—it's n-not—"

"If there's anything I can do please let me know!" Hill curled his hands into fists. "If you need me to bring your homework assignments or anything, or—or anything."

Remus struggled to sit up. "It's—s—s all right, r-really, Hill, I'm—it's—please d-don't blame y-yourself!"

"But it's my fault!" Hill's eyes flashed not with anger but Remus wasn't sure what. "You're…" He waved his hand at Remus. "You're like this because of me!"

Guilt throbbed in his chest. "I—I probably w-would have w-wound up in the ho—hospital wing sometime soon anyway," he forced out, praying that that wouldn't be too suspicious or weird to say. "And it's n-not bad, it's not as b-bad as it's b-been before. Honest." Hill frowned at him, obviously not quite believing him. "Please."

Hill shrugged, jamming his hands in his pockets. "Rivers keeps saying it's my fault, him'n Bones. They said if you end up in Saint Mungo's it's because of me."

What? "No," he said again. "No. Not your f-f-fault, I p-promise. An unf-f-fortunate accident."

"All right," he drew out slowly. "If you're not mad…"

"No."

He gave a faint smile. "All right, then. Um. I am sorry, though, and hope you get better soon." He scuffed the floor a bit before fleeing from the room, the door slamming shut behind him.

Remus fretted until the Marauders showed up and immediately he asked them to speak to Bones and Rivers about how he did not blame Hill or Jacobs. He told them about Hill's apology as well as Hill telling him that the other two Puffs put the blame on him, and James said that Hill should have apologized since it was his fault Remus ended up in the wolfsbane.

"But the fall into the poisonous flowers didn't cause me to have a relapse, which is what he's upset about," Remus pointed out. "It's not fair to let him bubble away thinking this—" he indicated himself, "—is his fault when it's not. Please tell them."

"I will," Peter said; James and Sirius both seemed inclined to blame Hill since they wanted someone to blame.

"Thank you." He gave Peter a grateful look then the other two an annoyed one.

Sirius smirked. "It is his fault, you could've had another day of lessons if he hadn't've gotten into that fight. Aren't you mad about that?"

Remus sighed, giving up on trying to convince them. Instead he asked about classes and assignments, and they gave him his homework before Pomfrey kicked them out, insisting Remus really needed rest right now. She shooed them out and didn't—couldn't—wait long before bundling Remus up in the disguising cloak he wore to the Whomping Willow. It was four-fifteen, and the sun set in a little over two hours.

Or it was supposed to. Remus was naked and huddled near the fireplace with a blanket around his shoulders when sunset came and went. He could hear wind lashing against the house and wondered if it'd be a full night of no transformation. He shivered, inching closer to the crackling fire, trying to remember what the weather was supposed to be like. His curiosity was soon satisfied when thunder rattled the windows.

The storm raged for an hour before quieting down, and finally around ten or eleven (he wasn't quite sure) he knew the clouds were passing enough to turn him into a wolf. He tossed the blanket aside and waited for the pain to consume him.

-X-

It wasn't too bad when he woke up well before dawn, though he noticed all the wounds were where the wolfsbane had been. His hands and lower arms were covered in dozens of bites, his left ankle was sliced open, and he could feel gashes up and down his face. He crawled to the fireplace to curl up, however he didn't transform again before morning. When sunrise came he hauled himself to the bathroom to clean himself off and put bandages on. When Pomfrey showed up, he was dressed in the hospital pajamas, waiting to go. He showed her all of his injuries, smiling when she told him he did a good job bandaging himself up. He mentally gave himself a few points for his side of things, hoping this would eventually lead to them letting him be alone again.

He slept for most of the morning until shortly after ten, when the Marauders had a free period. They showed up, practically tripping over themselves in excitement. They all began talking at the same time, their voices running together in a way that made Remus's skin feel tight; the only words he could make out were common room. He managed to squeak out a request from them to talk one at a time but they continued on, their words blending, their meaning disappearing.

Then Sirius asked, "You all right?" and the other two fell silent, all of them looking at him.

Remus curled his fingers a little. No, that was a horrible cacophony that made me want to die. "It wasn't so bad last night," he said instead. "My arm hurts a lot, that's about it."

And since they were curious, he rolled up his sleeve to show them the (slightly bloody) bandages around his right forearm.

"So what happened with the common room? One at a time," he said when James and Peter both opened their mouths at the same time. "Please."

James took a swaggering step forward. "We solved the issue of who was pranking our common room!"

"You'll never believe it!" squealed Peter.

"Thanks to us, I might add," Sirius said, smirking. "We—the three of us—solved it."

"Well, and the first year, and the Prefect," Peter said, causing Sirius to scowl a little.

"Fine, mostly thanks to us."

Remus sat up a little more while his friends fought for seats. Sirius wound up right next to him with Peter at his feet and James in the chair. That was becoming the usual seating arrangement for them, he realized.

"So." James steepled his fingers together, much like Dumbledore did. "Last night we were up really late, doing our homework—"

"Please," Remus said flatly. "I'm not a teacher, nor am I stupid."

"All right, all right; we were playing cards," admitted James. "I was winning, by the way. It was around two in the morning when we decided we should sleep but first we needed to pee. So we went out into the hallway and heard something down the hall. Near the stairs was this little first year. He was really scared when we came on him and he told us he heard something down in the common room. Said it sounded like mad laughter."

"We, being the brave, courageous, and noble beings we are," Sirius interrupted while Remus tried not to snort, "ventured down the stairs to see what was going on."

"We figured it was a coupla older students snogging," put in Peter. "James wanted to see."

"It wasn't," James continued. "It was three older students—three girls." He then leaned forward, eyes locked on Remus. "Three older Ravenclaw girls."

Remus's mouth dropped open, a little. "What?"

"Exactly my reaction!" Peter said.

Sirius shook his head. "They were creeping around, giggling like harpies, trying to figure out what to do to our common room this time."

"What happened?" Remus looked at them. "Did you confront them…?"

"No, we knew they'd probably hex us and escape," James said. "They looked like seventh years—"

"They are seventh years," said Peter. "We found out."

James flapped his hand impatiently. "We went back to the first year, trying to figure out the best way to do this without them getting the better of us. In case they got the better of us," he added quickly, "because if you were there I bet we could've taken them on."

Remus smiled at that. "So you got a Prefect?" he asked and knew immediately from their guilty faces they hadn't. "Oookay, so what next?"

"It was Pete's idea," Sirius said and Peter began blushing.

"It—well—we—" he stammered out.

"It was," said James, nodding. "To take a picture of them. We got my old camera and Peter took a picture of them. Of course when the flash went off they saw us so we booked it back up the stairs—"

"—quickly hexing the stairs behind us as we went!" laughed Sirius. "Anything and everything we could. Spongified them, put mud on them…"

James grinned from ear to ear. "We even did a bit of Operation Overgrowth, putting plants up and making them huge, blocking their way."

"They were shooting hexes at us but the plants blocked them," Peter said, clapping his hands. "It was brilliant."

"We dove into one of the loos, hiding out in one of the showers," said James. "Locking the door."

"They were right outside the door trying to get it open when the Prefect showed up," Sirius said. "We heard the Prefect and heard the girls getting away, so we ran out, saying we had a photograph of them in the common room which was good since the girls had escaped."

Together the three of them finished the story. The first year had fetched the Prefect who in turn went to get McGonagall. She took all the boys to the photo rooms so Peter could develop the picture, showing the culprits. McGonagall got Flitwick who got the girls who denied being there. They said the picture was faked, that it was done by a spell to look like them but it absolutely wasn't them, how could they have gotten into the common room anyway? That's when the Prefect asked one of the girls wasn't she the one who O'Dowd dumped the previous week and she swore revenge? Hadn't O'Dowd given her the password? The girl insisted she didn't know the password, nor did she ever swear revenge.

With that McGonagall sent the Prefect to get O'Dowd. When he showed up he very reluctantly admitted to giving his ex-girlfriend the password. He also confirmed his ex had promised revenge.

O'Dowd was docked twenty points for giving away the password, the Ravenclaw girls were docked sixty points each and given detention for not only being in the Gryffindor common room and pranking the common room, but also for being out of bed after hours. Then James, Sirius, Peter, and the first year each received fifteen points each.

"Ravenclaw is now behind us by fifty points!" James giggled quite gleefully, rubbing his hands together.

"Wow." Remus shook his head. "That is absolutely incredible."

Sirius smirked. "The Ravenclaws are all furious."

"Also we've got a new password," Peter said. "It's 'lubberkin'."

Remus stored that away in his memory. "Congratulations to all of you for helping get the mystery of the pranks solved, and your names cleared. Did Professor McGonagall say anything about any sort of… compensation for your two nights of detention for the fireplace incident?"

James and Sirius exchanged looks. "No!" James cried out. "We never even thought about that!"

"We'll have to bring it up to her later today," grumbled Sirius as he ran his fingers through his hair. "We do deserve some compensation!"

"We should get instant Os in all our classes," suggested James, and Remus rolled his eyes at that one. "Or some sort of public apology."

"Could you imagine McGonsy publicly apologizing to us?" Sirius asked before bursting into laughter. "She'd sooner kiss Peeves."

"I'd pay money to see that," Peter snickered. "McGonagall kissing Peeves."

"All right, maybe she would publicly apologize to us before kissing Peeves," said Sirius.

"Wouldn't you?" asked James.

"I'd definitely kiss McGonsy before publicly apologizing to anyone," said Sirius, with a sort of longing sigh. James threw a quill at him. "Either way, Remy you're right—we deserve something."

The three of them couldn't stay much longer, since their next lesson began in ten minutes and it would take them that long to make it to Defense. Sirius quickly dumped all his poorly written notes and copies of their assignments into Remus's lap before the three of them ran off, Remus shouting at them to remember to return the puffskeins.

After he was alone, he sorted through the notes, went over the assignments quickly, and then set them aside on his table; he was very tired, and quickly fell asleep until it was time for lunch.

-X-

Remus didn't transform at all on Friday night though it came very close on multiple occasions. When Pomfrey took him across the grounds in the morning there was mud everywhere and at one point he slipped, falling in some squishy patch of grass. He couldn't help but cry out as his exhausted body was rattled. Once in the hospital wing, Pomfrey got him a fresh pair of pajamas and he took a long, hot shower. It felt so good. He curled up under the hot spray, almost falling asleep. He probably would have fallen asleep if Pomfrey hadn't knocked at the door.

As he traipsed through the hospital wing, he noticed that Runcorn was still there though she only had a few bandages left. What happened to her? he wondered as he slipped into his special room. He asked Pomfrey but she said it was none of his business. Maybe the Marauders will know.

He slept on and off throughout the day, waiting for his friends to show up… but they didn't. Not during the morning, not after lunch. He stared out the window at the grey sky, realizing what day it was. The visit. They were in Hogsmeade. They probably wouldn't show up at all—and they didn't. He left the school at around four, trying not to feel too lonely or despondent; he tried not to because of course they were having fun in the village, and they deserved to have fun instead of hovering around his bedside.

They're out there, he thought, staring at one of the boarded-up windows. Everyone is.

He shuddered, tightening the blanket around himself. This was around the time everyone started returning to the school so most likely nobody stood out there looking at the house… yet he couldn't help feel like someone was. A classmate. Or multiple classmates. Staring at the bleak house, trying to figure out the secret, trying to see within…

Trying to see him.

Maybe Lily was out there.

Maybe Aegis.

Maybe Bones or Buckling…

Or Snape.

He curled up at that thought, feeling ill at the image of Snape staring at his house. Yet imagining people he didn't despise wasn't much easier.

It was rare that one of his full moons coincided with a Hogsmeade visit, things had to align just right. But of course this one would—the first where it was his classmates, and when the sun didn't set too late so there was the possibility of them still huddled outside staring at his house…

At least he didn't need to dwell on things that night. Shortly after sunset he transformed into his wolf, his human mind shrinking into the blackness until it was no more.