Carlitos Casagrande was now a man.

Or so that's what he had been told. Nikki, all the kids at school, music, movies, and cable news all touted the virtues of sex, and impressed upon their male audience that they could never really be "men" until they had been inside of a woman. Even though he was young, Carlitos thought it was kind of funny that a woman could be a woman without having sex, but that men were considered less than if they hadn't had it. The world was funny that way, he had already discovered. They taught you all these rules and regulations, but they never seemed to apply across the board.

That didn't matter anymore. Carlitos had finally had sex and was, by their reasoning, a man. Yet he didn't feel like a man. In fact, he felt the same as he always had. Don't get him wrong, sex was amazing and he was so glad that he did it (and with Nikki to boot), but he expected some radical alteration to his physical and mental chemistry. He half way expected that once he did it, he would instantly become "cool." He imagined that he would sprout sunglasses and a backwards baseball cap, maybe a cigarette too, and that he would walk with some kind of inherent swagger that could only be activate by being baptized in a woman's river Jordan. He thought he would immediately begin to grow facial hair, that his voice would deepen, that everyone would be able to look at him, know at once that he was now part of the super secret adults only sex club and give him respect.

None of those things happened. For all intents and purposes, he was still the same kid he had been before. His tastes did not suddenly change and mature, and his outlook on life became no deeper. His understanding of the world and how it worked remained as it had been - vague and murky but not altogether ignorant - and his face remained hairless and babyish. Having been with Nikki, he felt a little more confident and sure of himself, yeah, but compared to what he had been led to believe would happen after he was initiated into manhood, that was small potatoes. It was like winning the lotto only to find that the jackpot isn't 25 million dollars but 1 million instead. 1 million is great, amazing, life changing, but it's not 25 million, and even at the risk of appearing greedy, you'd be perfectly well within your right to feel a little cheated.

The kids at school still made fun of him, still called him a virgin and a baby. They were all somehow able to miss the tell tale aura that surely surrounded him, the one that let everyone in the vicinity know that he had sex. All of his problems and worries stayed with him, and his day to day life didn't change even in the slightest. He still had to get up at a certain time to go to school, his mom still made him go to bed at 9:30, he still couldn't pick what he wanted for dinner or leave the house without telling her or his father where he was going and when he expected to be back. He was still a normal kid subject to the rules normal kids had to follow. He had no mustache, no cool sunglasses spawned on his face, and he still liked all the same things.

He was unchanged, in a word.

But then again, to be completely fair, something had changed. A major thing, in fact, something so big that when he dwelled on it, he realized that it dwarfed everything else, and made his insistence that everything was the same kind of invalid. On the face of it, it seemed such a small thing, but when you think about it, it was massive, probably the biggest thing ever.

He fell in love.

For a while now, he had had a crush on Nikki. He thought she was cute and he liked her personality. She was chill and fun and he genuinely liked being with her. She made him nervous when she around but that was only because he liked her, and girls he liked always made him nervous.

His crush on her wasn't all that serious. He wasn't love sick and he didn't long for her the way a boy who was deeply in love might. He didn't stare at her from afar and wish they were boyfriend and girlfriend, and he didn't pine over photographs of her. He didn't have it "bad" but he did like her and he always felt kind of awkward when she was around.

On the day she babysat him, he was a ball of nerves, and even though he liked spending time with her, he kind of wished the hours would hurry past so that she could leave. But then, it happened. She came onto him and one thing led to another. They wound up having sex repeatedly.

The physical act itself was amazing, really the best thing Carlitos had ever felt. The sensation if her body - hot, tight, and wet - was beyond description, and even though he tried and tried to recapture the feeling, he couldn't. In his memory, it was duller than it had been in real life, leading him to believe that it was one of those things that you can't properly remember or imagine, but only feel and enjoy in the moment. The physical act, however, wasn't all of it. In fact, it might not even be the biggest thing. Sex was amazing, and sex with Nikki was ten times as amazing, but there was a kind of…of…

He couldn't explain it. Afterward, he felt close to Nikki, as though they shared a strong and unbreakable bond. He didn't pine for her before, he didn't think about her night and day before, he didn't love her before…but he did now. It had been three days since he and Nikki had sex and she had been running through his mind constantly. He thought of her every waking second of every day and dreamed of her by night. Without her, he felt lost, empty, as though some vital part of him, a part that he didn't realize he had until the other day, was missing, and lacking it, he could never be whole. Since she left that first night, he had been antsy and restless, unable to sit still and unable to think of anything else but her. His brain was like a record stuck and skipping in a single groove, the same thoughts and images plaguing him hour after endless hour.

His head ached and his brain hurt from going over the same thing again and again. It felt like his brain had been scoured with a piece of sandpaper, and every thought of Nikki felt like a fresh bun on a healing wound. It was enough to make him crazy. Love and sex were both beautiful things, but this longing, like a sickness in his bones, was awful, and he wanted nothing more than to rid himself of it.

On the day after his and Nikki's, ahem, activities, he woke before his alarm went off and the first thing he thought of was her. A pang went through his stomach and the sleep faded from his brain like morning mist under the light of the new sun. He sat up and leaned back against the headboard, his eyes adjusting to the predawn gloom. He gradually became aware of muffled noises from somewhere deep in the house, and he blinked as he shook his head, thinking, perhaps, that he was hearing things. He thought he detected panting and moans, which put him in mind of the noises Nikki made the previous day. A sharp pang whose origin and character he could not name cut through his stomach and he heaved a dejected sigh. He had only seen Nikki a few short hours ago, but he missed her and sorely wished she was here.

At breakfast, he stared down into his cereal like a heartbroken drunk in a classic country song. His cousins, siblings, aunts, and uncles chattered around him but he was barely aware of their presence. His mind was faraway, with Nikki. By the time he left for school half an hour later, his backpack hugging him from behind like a clingy lover (a heavyset clingy lover), he was already tired of thinking about Nikki. It was like listening to a one hour recording of a favorite song, or rubbing your arm raw and ragged. That last one was probably the better of the two analogies.

On his walk, a couple bullies from school called out to him from across the street. A boy called him "baby dick" and a girl insinuated that he was gay by lifting her skirt and flashing him her bald pussy. "I bet you hate vaginas," she said with a cruel inflection. The boy that she was walking with assured her that he loved female genitalia, whether Carlitos did or not, and he wound up dragging her into a bush for a little pre school coitus. As Carlitos walked away, head down and hands in his pockets, the girl's squeals of delight battered him from every side, putting him once more in mind of Nikki.

That, he found, was no great feat, as everything reminded him of Nikki, even things that really had nothing to do with her. He couldn't see a girl or a woman without thinking of her, and every teacher he had was a woman, so he was constantly thinking about her. Then again, he would have probably thought of her anyway.

The second day passed much the same, every minute dragging into an hour and every hour seeming to last forever. Up until then, he had never given much thought to the passage of time, but he was keenly aware of it now. He imagined he could hear the plodding tick tick tick of the second hand making its way ponderously around the clock, and that made time go even slower. He felt like he did during the first week of December, his excitement and anticipation ratcheting up as Christmas drew ever closer. Only this time around, there was no Big Day to look forward to. His feelings of restlessness and suspense had no outlet, no upcoming culmination. What was he waiting for? Where was this leading?

There was only one logical place, he figured.

To Nikki.

He wanted to see her again.

On the third day, Ronnie Anne left the house to meet up with Nikki at the skate park, and Carlitos kind of invited himself along. "I want to learn how to skateboard," he lied, "like you."

Ronnie Anne donned a fond, maternal style. If you stroked her ego a little, you could get her to do anything you wanted. "Okay," she said, "I guess we can teach you."

Carlitos grinned, excitement bubbling up within him.

When they got to the skate park, he looked around and saw Nikki sitting on a bench, her board underneath her feet. She rolled it from side to side, her hands thrust into the pockets of her 's heart soared when he saw her, and it took everything he had to keep from running over to her. She looked up as they approached and saw him, a gleam creeping into her eye. "Hey," she said, and he knew that she was talking to him specifically, "long time no see."

Ronnie Anne assumed that Nikki was talking to her, and replied as such. "I've been busy." She jutted her chin at Carlitos. "He wants to learn how to skateboard."

Nikki/ "Cool, no problem. I love teaching things I know."

A hot blush spread across Carlitos' face when she winked at him. She had already taught him everything he needed to know about sex, so why not skateboarding as well? Nikki kicked her board into the air, and grabbed it as she stood. "Let's go."

That day, Nikki taught him the finer points of skateboarding just as she had taught him the finer points of sex. He stood on her board and she held onto him from behind, stealing every opportunity to fondle him that she could. She acted like she was teaching him how to stand and where to bend, but she was totally feeling him up. Ronnie Anne didn't notice and offered her own help. She was clueless to the fact that both of them wanted her to go away. Nikki sent her to a nearby gas station for some drinks and snacks and drinks, and for almost half an hour, they got to be alone together, laughing and joking like two kids. Carlitos felt so good being with her that he didn't want it to end, and when he saw Ronnie Anne marching across the park carrying a paper bag, his heart sank. "Be cool," Nikki said, "here comes Ronnie."

It was clear that she didn't want Ronnie Anne to know about them, and Carlitos felt a twinge of hurt. Was she embarrassed by him or something? He didn't know, but that was his first thought and he couldn't shake it. He and Ronnie Anne eventually parted ways with Nikki, and Carlitos's mood darkened a little.

Over the coming days and weeks, Carlitos' crush deepened. He thought he was "in love" with her after that first day, but he was wrong, he didn't know what love was. A month in, however, he was sure that he had finally reached the stage of true love. Every time Ronnie Anne left the house to hang out with Nikki, he asked to come along, and he often asked about her. How's Nikki doing? he'd ask as casually as he could. What's Nikki up to? Oh, you're going to the store? Will Nikki be there? Every once in a while, he would pump Ronnie Anne for information about Nikki, what she liked, what she wanted from life. He asked her once if she had a boyfriend and Ronnie Anne gave him the kind of look Spongebob gave Squidward after realizing Squidward liked Krabby Patties. It made him nervous and he regretted asking the question. "What?" he blurted defensively.

"You like Nikki," she said, "don't you, Carlitos?"

Carlitos shook his head vehemently. "No. I mean…I like her, but not like that."

Ronnie Anne put her hands on her hips.

"Stop," he whined.

She leaned in and stared at him with that spongy expression.

"Leave me alone," he said and wheeled around to flee. She followed him, mocking, and he broke out into a run, streaking up the stairs and slamming the door behind him.

Ronnie Anne's muffled voice sounded from the other side. "I'm just kidding with you."

"Go away," Carlitos said, "you're mean."

"Come on, Carlitos, you gotta admit: You have a crush on her. It's pretty obvious."

He threw a toy at the door; it hit with a thunk and then landed on the carpet. Ronnie Anne went away, and he was alone. She was right, he did have a crush on Nikki, more than a mere crush, but he couldn't let her know that. It was his business, not hers, right?

Ronnie Anne, on the other hand, felt a little differently. She wasn't upset or morally outraged that Carlitos was crushing on her friend (why would she be?). In fact, she thought it was kind of cute. He was like a little puppy dog. It was clear to her, what with the timing of his crush, that it all went back to the day Nikki babysat him. Carlitos wasn't an entire stranger to Nikki before that, but that was probably the first time they had been together - alone - for any amount of time.

Did anything happen between them?

That thought gave Ronnie Anne pause. Nikki didn't know this, but Ronnie Anne knew all about her liking for little boys. Ronnie Anne had a reputation for being kind of a lunkhead who wasn't very bright, but she was a lot more intelligent and perceptive than people gave her credit for. She had been friends with Nikki for years and could read her like an open book. She knew what Nikki liked, even knew that she was ashamed of it. The world was a lot more libertine about sex, but some things still weren't exactly common. Liking children as an adult was one of them. Oh, the social and cultural attitude had changed tremendously, but pedophiles still weren't exactly beloved. They were regarded as kind of weird and not someone you'd want to hang out with, though there was a growing movement to normalize them. They called themselves MAPs - for Minor Attracted Person - and a lot of people were coming around to the fact that if a child consented, it wasn't rape or abuse. An eight year old can totally make up his or her mind as to whether they wanted to have sex or not, and given the hypersexualization of society at large, most of them did want to have sex. It wasn't really that bad, but it still made Ronnie Anne cringe a little, and the idea of her sweet, innocent little cousin having sex stirred a faint trace of something in her chest. It wasn't as strong as outrage, revulsion, or disgust, but it wasn't comfortable, she could say that much.

Now that the idea had crossed her mind, she couldn't get rid of the burning question: Did something happen between Carlitos and Nikki, and if so…what? Just because Carlitos came away from that day with a crush didn't necessarily mean that something happened between them. She could have just attracted him with her killer personality. Nikki was a cool person and everyone she met generally liked her. She could totally see and understand why Carlitos would have a crush on her. Then again, Nikki being so into young boys gave her pause. Maybe nothing tangible happened, but she very well could have flirted with him or led him on. Did she say something to him?

Ronnie Anne was suddenly curious and she resolved to find out.

The next day, Carlitos asked her if she was going to hang out with Nikki. "Just curious," he said sheepishly and blushed.

"Maybe," Ronnie Anne said. She looked around, made sure they were alone, and leaned in, lowering her voice to a whisper. "I know you like Nikki," she said. "It's okay, I'm not mad. I want to help you."

"You do?" he asked.

Well…she didn't know. She'd make up her mind on that count later on. Right now, she wanted to find out what happened between them.

"Yeah," she said. "I just need to know what happened with you guys."

A look of wide-eyed horror crossed the little boy's face and he looked so much like a trapped animal backed into a corner that Ronnie Anne had to wonder if he had practiced that expression. "Uh…no. I mean, nothing."

If she wasn't sure before, she was now. Something happened. Something tangible. "Come on," she said. "Do you want my help or not?"

Carlitos conflicted for a second, then let out a deep sigh, his head lowering and his shoulders sagging. "Okay," he mumbled.

"What happened?" Ronnie Ann pressed.

Taking a deep breath, Carlitos told her everything. As Ronnie Anne listened, she fought to keep her jaw from dropping and her face from betraying the shock that she felt. She knew even before she asked that she was going to hear something, but she had no idea that she would hear as much as she did. She knew that Nikki was a MAP but damn, even in her wildest dreams, she never could have imagined that she went as far with Carlitos as she actually did. They had full blown sex.

"So," Carlitos finished, "will you help me?"

There was hope in one eye and pleading in the other.

Ronnie Anne stared at him for a moment, her mind working furiously. It was obvious that Carlitos wasn't forced or coerced. He like Nikki and enjoyed what they did together. Who was Ronnie Anne to judge them? She could have seen this in a thousand ways, but she elected to see it as helping both her cousin and her best friend.

"Yes," she finally proclaimed, "I'll help you."

Carlitos's beaming smile almost melted her heart.

Having Ronnie Anne on his side was great, he was sure that if anyone could help him win Nikki over, it was her. Even so, self-doubt plagued him for the rest of the day. Ronnie Anne told him everything she knew about Nikki - what she liked, what she didn't, her favorite food, her favorite movie, and what she wanted out of life. The more Carlitos listened, the more…well…grown up she seemed. That was a funny thing to say since she was, indeed, grown up - it was kind of like saying that you're just now realizing how wet water is - but he guessed he had never really given it much thought. He had simply enjoyed being with Nikki. He didn't contemplate their vast age difference. She was an adult and he was still just a child. They inhabited two different worlds, were at two different stages in life.

They had fun together - both sexually and otherwise - but could she ever really love him? The way he loved her?

He was awash in these dark feelings when a video chat request came through on his laptop. It was from Lily Loud, a friend of his from Royal Woods. Ronnie Anne used to date Lily's older brother Lincoln, and their families remained close. Carlitos accepted the call and Lily appeared on the screen, her bedroom behind her. "Hey," she said.

"Hey," Carlitos replied. "It's been a while."

"Yeah, I've been kind of busy lately," Lily said. "What's up with you?"

Carlitos shrugged one shoulder demurely. "Not much."

"Did you see the new Spongebob movie?" Lily asked. "Spongebob and Patrick finally got it on." She laughed. "It was pretty graphic. "They even did a new version of the FUN song." She began to sing it for him. "F is for fucking your best friend U is for being under him. N is for nutting all over his face down in the deep blue sea."

Carlitos made a face. "Sounds gross."

"It kind of is."

They chatted for a little while, then Lily dropped a bombshell on him, sharing her deepest and newest secret. She had seduced her brother Lincoln and now they were in a relationship. Carlitos listened in shock, then, feeling obligated, told her about Nikki. "I don't know if she'd want to be in a relationship with me," he finished. "I'm just a kid."

"Why wouldn't she?" Lily asked. "You're great. Look, she seduced you for a reason. It wasn't just about sex. If it was, she could have seduced anyone, but she didn't, she chose you specifically. You have something special so, really, she already likes you. You should totally go for it."

Carlitos rolled her words around his head for a moment, then realized that she was right. Nikki could have gone after anyone if she was after just sex, but she hadn't, she'd gone after him. "You're right," he said with a smile.

"I know I am," Lily said. "I gotta jump off of here. I'm kinda horny and I wanna suck Lincoln off."

"Okay," Carlitos said casually, "see you."

"Bye."

They ended the call, and Carlitos felt much better about his prospects.

Over the next few days, Ronnie Anne engineered situations where Nikki and Carlitos could be alone together. She would suddenly have to go somewhere and would leave Carlitos with Nikki. On one of those occasions, Nikki took him home with her and they had sex in the shower. Carlitos had forgotten how good her body felt and he relished having her wet, naked, and slippery in front of him. Ronnie Anne told him that Nikki was a direct person, not into games or beating around the bush, so the best course of action would be to simply tell her how he felt.

He pumped himself up for it over several days, and then finally, with Ronnie Anne's help, he made his move. Ronnie Anne called ahead and made sure she was home alone. With that knowledge, Carlitos went to her armed with a box of chocolates and a dozen red roses. He wore a little tux with a jaunty red bowtie. He thought it made him look older, but in reality, it made him look like that asshole dummy from Toy Story 4. He went to cut through the park, but there was some kind of event going on. People in white were being marched across the commons by armed police and stuck into the back of paddy wagons. Carlitos had no idea what they had done but he assumed they were crazy right wing terrorists or something. There was apparently a lot of that going around, or so the news said.

At Nikki's he straightened his bow tie, smoothed back his hair, and breathed into his cupped palm to make sure his breath smelled okay. Satisfied, he knocked on the door.

Nikki appeared a minute later, wearing an oversized T-shirt that fit her like a dress and a pair of socks. Her hair covered one of her eyes and she looked like she'd been napping. She saw him, blinked in surprise, and then shook her head as if by doing so, she would realize she was dreaming. "Carlitos," she said uncertainly, "what are you doing here?"

"I got you these," Carlitos said and handed her the flowers and chocolates. She took them and looked at them like she had never seen confections or vegetation before. Clearing his throat, Carlitos got down on one knee. "Nikki, I really like you. You are the…" he checked the flash card in his hand, the one Ronnie Anne had written for him, "sun of my day and the moon of my night. You mean everything to me and I was hoping we could be…boyfriend and girlfriend."

Nikki gaped at him, shocked by his actions. He had been following her around like a puppy dog lately, but she thought it was just about the sex. It kind of was for her. Don't get her wrong, Carlitos was great, but she didn't go into the whole thing expecting a committed relationship. The hope and longing in his eyes, however, moved her, and there was no way she could say no. She smiled and helped him to his feet. "Okay," she said, "but before we become boyfriend and girlfriend, we have to seal the deal."

"How?" the little boy asked.

"By 69'ing each other," Nikki said with a glint in her eye.

Carlitos grinned.

He liked the sound of that.

The next week was the most blissful time of Carlitos' young life. He saw Nikki every day after school, and they always did something fun. She planned a few of their dates but Carlitos - with help from his older cousin Ronnie Anne, of course - planned a few of his own. On Saturday, they went hiking in a park outside of town. Carlitos had prepared a picnic lunch using his family's best recipes, and Nikki was blown away. "This is the best fried chicken and potato salad I've ever had," she raved, "how did you make this?"

Carlitos only grinned. "Ancient Mexican secret," he said.

She laughed. "Okay, fine, keep your secrets."

They went swimming the next day, and spent hours frolicking in the water, splashing one another and laughing like loons. Nikki liked the beach but she had never passed six hours there like five minutes, but with Carlitos, time went by in the twinkling of an eye. The more time she spent with him, the more she liked him. He was shy with other people, but with her, he was fun and outgoing. When they were together, it was like there was no one else in the whole world, only them. His laugh was infectious and the way his smile lit up his whole face warmed Nikki's heart as well as her loins. He was the perfect gentleman on their dates, even going so far as to strip off his shirt and lay it on a puddle so that Nikki could walk over it. Dude, it's just a puddle lol, you didn't have to do all that. She appreciated his effort, though, and it just went to show her that he really did like her.

They went to see a movie on Monday and wound up missing most of it because they were too focused on each other. They didn't have full blown sex in the theater, but he fingered her and she stroked him. Normally, she didn't care much for being fingered - that was kid stuff - but the way his small and nimble fingers lovingly relished her inner walls was enough to send her over the edge and to give her massively powerful orgasms. On Tuesday, he played hooky from school and they spent the day in bed, doing everything to each other, and she meant everything. They went out for pizza at the end of it and she walked him home, giving him a big, wet, tongue filled kiss. "I love you," she heard herself say, and was a little surprised to find that she meant it whole-heartedly.

"I love you too," he replied.

Inside, he told Ronnie Anne all about it, and she whistled when he was done. "Sounds like you guys are getting serious," she said.

"Yeah," Carlitos said, "I guess we are."

"You know what that means," Ronnie Anne proclaimed.

Carlitos tilted his head curiously to one side. "What?"

Ronnie Anne looked at him for a minute, and when she spoke, her tone was one of great severity.

"You have to tell the family," she said.