Two chapters ago I had Mo'at tell Trudy she'd start her apprenticeship in "two mornings' time" but I made the trip to the Olangi tribe take too long so I went back and retconned it, so now it says "three." I know we're playing a little fast and loose with timelines here, but it was gonna bother me if I left it.

-x-

Jake broke from his link, opening his eyes to the cool blue-green light of his pod before the sound of knocking and a muffled, distinctly agitated sounding voice hit his ears.

He pressed up against the lid, blinking against the harsh fluorescence, until his eyes adjusted enough for him to make out the form of Grace, looming over him, her arms crossed over her chest, her mouth pulled, itching to continue yelling at him as she obviously had been from outside the safety of the pod.

"Can I help you?" Jake quirked an eyebrow at her, sitting up so they were about eye level.

"Your little partner in crime broke, you absolute ass," Grace snapped, leaning forward so their noses nearly touched, her eyes narrowed, "when were you planning on telling me about this fucking Tree of Souls ritual bullshit you two agreed to?"

"Trudy!" Jake yelled back towards the bunks, "I thought we weren't gonna tell her until we figured out when that was happening."

"Sorry!" Trudy's voice rang out, "those kids of hers are gossips, they tell her everything they hear. The jig was up, my man."

Jake sighed, turning his head back to face Grace, who was staring daggers at him, "Can we not do this right now?" Jake sighed, rubbing at his throbbing temples, "I got strangled by an asshole with a nose piercing, like, an hour ago."

That, at least, seemed to snap her out of her anger for the moment, a concerned look passing over her face, "what? Is your avatar okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks for asking," Jake snorted, rolling his eyes as he shooed her back so he could pull his legs over the side of his pod.

"Yeah, no, you lost your me-giving-a-shit-about-your-well-being privileges," Grace shot back, her hands landing on her hips, annoyance at him returning full force, "I can't believe you didn't tell me the moment you got the chance."

Jake paused, taking a moment to look at her, and perhaps if he saw past the annoyance and anger and indignance so clearly displayed across her pinched face, there was a hint of hurt in her eyes.

He sighed again, scrubbing at the back of his neck, "look, I'm sorry, it just... it happened really suddenly and me and Tsu'tey got into a fight afterwards and... Trudy and I decided, until we got all the details hashed out, we'd just keep it to ourselves."

Grace let out a breath, her eyes shifting off to the side before looking back at Jake, "fine," she waved her hand at him, "you're forgiven, we can talk about it later," then she paused, chewing on her lower lip for a moment before continuing, "so you guys had a fight? Everything okay?"

Jake huffed out a laugh that sounded more tired than humorous, "yeah, we'll be okay, I was being insensitive, he was being stubborn. He dragged me out into the woods, we yelled at each other, I told him he was being an asshole... you know, relationship stuff."

Grace, to her credit, did not laugh at him, though it looked like it took all her willpower not to, "Doesn't he listen to all these conversations at night?" She asked, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards.

"Yep," He nodded, popping the p as the word left his lips and shooting her a tired grin.

"Don't you think you should be a little bit more tactful with your words?" Now she was laughing.

"Nope," the p popped again as he finished the word, lowering himself into his chair, "he knows he was, and still a little bit is, being a stubborn dick, and he knows that I know that. Just like we both know that I was being insensitive.

"I'm not gonna flower it up just to make it sound nice. He knows how I talk and he knows how I think, that's one of the reasons I love him so damn much," Jake looked up at Grace, flashing her a grin, "he knows I'm a little bit of an asshole too, and he wouldn't have me any other way."

His words were met with a light smack against the back of his head, "yeah, yeah," Grace chuckled, "go to bed, you've only got a few hours until you've got to be back to join the riding party back to Omaticaya territory. But don't think you've gotten out of telling me about all this Tree of Soul business or about how things went with the Olangi."

"I know," Jake waved her off with a tired smile, "I'll give you all the gory details tomorrow, don't worry."

-x-

Jake regretted agreeing to full disclosure the next night as he drug himself from his pod, exhaustion fogging his mind.

It was a strange disconnect, to leave a body, sore with a day of physical strain, and enter a body that had been at rest for too many hours—sore in all the wrong places, in all the wrong ways, not matching the way his brain thought he should feel.

Jake could still, even though he was in this body, feel the lingering soreness in his legs that came from two days of riding and it made him hate his human body all the more.

Maybe there had been some truth to what Tsu'tey had said, that part of his eagerness to complete the transfer ritual was the prospect of being done with this body forever. Jake was self-aware enough to realize that—to admit that a life standing on his own, strong legs, no more phantom pain, no more pitying looks when people thought he wasn't watching, was appealing to him.

He also knew he hadn't been lying, that he would keep this body if it was both a viable option and what Tsu'tey wanted. As much as he hated how it made him feel, how weak and helpless he felt all the time, the idea alone if being rid of it wasn't enough to risk his life with Tsu'tey.

Jake shook away the thoughts, he'd made up his mind, they'd decided it was for the best, no sense dwelling on it now. Mo'at had decided, on their ride back, that the transference would happen in a few days, after she'd had time to begin Trudy's work as a healer. It would happen soon, and there would be no turning back.

He was tired, so tired, but maybe, once the ritual was over and he was in his avatar for good, he would sleep a little better. Jake hadn't slept well since he'd arrived on Pandora, it was hard to find rest in sleep without dreams to accompany him. With him and Tsu'tey both asleep, away from each other, Jake spent his night floating in an inky blackness, just waiting to wake up.

It was a small comfort that he knew he was able to provide an hour or so of dreams for Tsu'tey, since Grace always forced him to stay up and recap what he'd done and learned, or sometimes just to talk, at the end of each day.

He had considered asking Akwey what happened when people with their bond slept together, but... it had seemed too intimate a question, too personal for a man who'd just threatened to kill him. So, Jake could only hope that there would be something, something more than the endless nothing, once he was finally able to lay beside Tsu'tey for the night and stay there.

He heard Grace call for him from somewhere deeper within the mobile unit, something derogatory and rude, said with a laugh that Jake couldn't help but mirror. He would miss being here, he thought, as he pushed himself towards the sound of his chattering companions, a part of him would, at least. The human part of him would miss the solid floors and walls that had always meant security, other humans sitting around a table, their pale skin reflecting oddly against the fluorescent light.

There was a larger part of himself though, as Norm threw a protein bar at his head with a laugh, that wouldn't really miss it at all. He unwrapped the dense brick of some flavor he thought might have meant to be peanut butter, and he knew that what he wouldn't miss far outweighed what he would.

He wouldn't miss earth, with its selfish people and even more selfish leaders, its dying atmosphere and choking oceans. He wouldn't miss the convenience of technology much, a lifetime of chasing after Tsu'tey meant he'd never grown a fondness for any of it.

Jake thought about never returning to his old home, and he couldn't find it within himself to grieve the loss. The only bit of home he'd ever truly felt there, if he thought about it, had been his mother and his brother, and they were gone.

He was able to dodge the next projectile that was launched at his head, Grace's stylus clattering to the floor behind him. She was telling him to stop grazing on his food like a rabbit in a meadow so he could give her the rundown he owed her, lest he forget.

He managed a laugh as he shoved the rest of the gritty protein bar in his mouth and resolved to pull himself out of his thoughts for now and enjoy his time there with the friends he'd found... there wasn't much time left.

-x-

Jake sat outside one of the larger alcoves of Hometree, listening as Mo'at instructed Trudy through grinding together some herbs they'd gathered that morning. Neytiri was beside him, cross legged and redoing a braid that had gotten snagged on a wayward branch.

They had been in there with Trudy up until yesterday, until they had been deemed too distracting and were kicked out and, honestly, Jake had been surprised it had taken two whole days for Mo'at to reach that conclusion. So, they had settled on sitting just outside the opening, and listening to the lessons.

Well, Neytiri may have been listening, Jake was busy feeling sorry for himself. Tsu'tey had barely spoken to him since their fight. It wasn't as though Jake wasn't trying to engage with the other man, he had given Tsu'tey plenty of openings to talk, but they had all been met with single syllables at best. The silence Jake could handle, it was how Tsu'tey pulled away from his touch that was making him miserable.

Every time he would reach out, whether a simple brush of skin or a deliberate seeking of contact, Tsu'tey would turn away, his face set in an odd, closed expression. He was trying to give the man space to process everything, but he hadn't thought it would take this much time—something they were nearly out of.

"Will you stop," Neytiri waved her hands in front of her, like there was something corporeal hanging over them, "you are thinking so loudly I can't focus on what they're saying."

"Shut up," Jake muttered, digging his heels into the wood of the large branch they were seated on, "that's not a thing."

"No," Neytiri mused, shrugging, "but still. Why do you not just go talk to him?"

"Oh wow, thank you, what a great idea," Jake scoffed, shooting her a glare out of the corner of his eye, "I can't believe I haven't tried that. Talking to him, you say? Why didn't I think of that? I must be the dumbest man on the planet."

"Hm, well on that we agree, though Tsu'tey seems to be competing for your title," she rolled her eyes at him, "you are bitchy when you two are fighting."

"We're not fighting!" Jake threw his hands up, his head going back to knock against the trunk of Hometree, "well, at least, I'm not. He's the one who keeps ditching us for hunting parties, he won't talk to me no matter what I try."

Neytiri hummed at that, her fingers twitching against the bark of the tree, "he is being more stubborn than usual, I think you are going to have to force him to talk to you."

Jake huffed out a breath before a rustling in the tree line pulled at his attention. The thick foliage around the clearing of the commons stirred before a line of Na'vi topped pa'li's burst through the brush.

Jake recognized Tsu'tey as the one leading the party, even from the great height he was currently watching from, one of the animals they had tracked and killed that day slung over the hindquarters of his pa'li. It looked, from what Jake and Neytiri could see, to have been a fruitful hunt, but from the look on Tsu'tey's face, one would think they had come back empty handed.

"He looks as miserable as you," Neytiri said thoughtfully, staring down to the floor far below them.

Jake sighed, letting his eyes track Tsu'tey until he was out of sight, off to deliver their bounty for preparation. She wasn't wrong, he knew Tsu'tey was hurting just as he was. He wasn't ignorant to what was bothering the other man, and he knew they weren't fighting necessarily, not in the way that Neytiri had implied. Tsu'tey wasn't mad at Jake, that much he knew, this was something different, and he had an idea of what exactly was going on, though he had hoped he was wrong. He had hoped the man was only brooding, but it was lasting too long, cutting too deep, so Jake rose to his feet, dread setting into his bones like lead.

"You're right," he muttered, then cut her off before she could reply, "don't get used to me saying that, and I regret teaching you the word 'bitchy,'" he ignored the tongue she stuck out at him, "I'm gonna go talk to him, if you don't see me in an hour or so, it's because I've killed him, or we've killed each other—either one."

Neytiri nodded solemnly at that, not fully understanding what was going on, but grasping the gravity of it, "I'll be here if you need me."

"Thanks," he shot her a small smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes, "I'll see you later."

At that, he set off down the spirals of Hometree, his chest growing heavier with every level that brought him closer to the forest floor. It didn't take him long to find Tsu'tey, still standing among the pa'lis, and Jake wanted to pretend he didn't know why the other man hadn't ventured out to seek their company as he normally would, but that's why he was here, and that's what he was going to force Tsu'tey to talk about.

"Hey," he said, a bit weakly, stepping in front of the other man, who would not meet his eyes, "you're avoiding me."

It wasn't the best start, a bit obvious, but it was something, more confrontational than he'd been going with the past few days.

"Am I?"

Two syllables, Jake thought, that was progress at least.

"Yeah, you are, and we can have this conversation here or we can have it in private, your choice," Jake held out his hand, knowing which one the other man would choose.

Tsu'tey didn't respond for a long moment and, for a brief second, Jake's stomach twisted in fear that he would merely sidestep him and try to walk away, as he had done for Jake's dozen other attempts. He let out a breath, however, when Tsu'tey reached out a reluctant hand, allowing Jake to take it in his own and lead him away, into the underbrush, like Tsu'tey had the day of their fight, just with much less running.

Once they were far enough into the forest, Jake stopped, turning back to Tsu'tey, who tried to pull his hand away, but Jake would not let him.

"Alright," Jake stared at the dirt between them, the weight in his chest nearly unbearable, "I know what you're doing."

Tsu'tey was silent, but Jake could almost hear the protest on his lips.

"You think I don't, but I do," he squeezed Tsu'tey's hand, but the gesture was not returned, "I know we're not fighting, I know you're not mad at me, no matter how much you're pretending that you are."

Jake heard a scoff escape Tsu'tey's throat, but he ignored it, "you're being really stupid, you know that?" maybe insults weren't the best route, but Tsu'tey had once told Jake to follow his gut, so by god, he was going to have to face the consequences of that advice, "you think it'll hurt less? If you distance yourself? If you act like a dick, like you're pissed off at me? You think if I die tomorrow, that'll help with the pain?"

Tsu'tey's hand stiffened under Jake's, his whole body going rigid, and some of the weight lifted, just a bit, in Jake's chest, because know he knew he was at least a little right.

"I wish you were mad at me," Jake went on, wishing he could pull the other man against his chest, but something told him that wouldn't be welcomed just yet, "I wish you were pissed off and yelling at me, because I could deal with that. I could apologize if you were angry with me, I could make it better, but I don't know how to fix this. I don't get it; I don't get why you don't trust me… why you don't think I'm strong enough to do this. I have always come to you, haven't I? Haven't I always found a way to get back to you? Why would this be any different?" Jake's voice shook as he tugged on Tsu'tey's arm, begging him to look up, to look at him for the first time in days, but still the man stared stubbornly at the ground, and Jake felt tears prick at his eyes, "you trusted me to survive the trip here, yeah? Unconscious, hurtling around in a tin can in space for six years? Why can't you trust me now?"

"That wasn't about trust then," Tsu'tey's voice came out hoarse, the line of his shoulders wavering just enough for Jake to notice, before it returned to a taut line, "your brother died, and they asked you to come here, and you agreed without question, did not even stop to consider it. You did not consider your own life or your safety, you simply agreed and a few days later I watched them strap you into a machine and then I did not know what became of you for six cycles. I did not know if you were alive or dead, and I had had no say in the matter. This is how you live your life, my Jake," now, Tsu'tey finally looked at him, and his eyes were flooded with tears, his mouth twisted in a pain Jake could not see, "you have always thrown yourself into things you think are right. You jumped into rivers to save animals when we were young even though you are not a good swimmer, you got into fights with children older and stronger than you because they were bullying someone too small to defend themselves, you became a soldier because you thought you could do some good and you disobeyed orders when you thought they were wrong, you came here… for me… with no thought in your mind to whether if was what was best for you," Tsu'tey tried to draw in a breath, but he seemed to choke at the effort, "I have not lived my life this way, my Jake, everything I have done has been laid out before me. When I was born, I was declared the next Olo'eyktan and I have lived my life as such. I have obeyed all the rules, even when they do not suit me.

"You grew up jealous of me, thinking I was free, but it was I who was jealous of you. You, my wild human boy, with eyes the color of the ocean, who travelled the world because he wanted to, who spit in the face of authority because he thought them dishonest, who lived his life the way he wished… I always admired you for these traits, no matter how much they may have frightened me on your behalf… but now," he paused, flinching as a tear broke from his eyes to trail down his cheek, splashing down into the dirt beneath them, "now you are here, you are mine, as you are meant to be and… I do not wish to stop you from being who you are, I would never wish that, but… the uncertainty, the danger, that you so willingly throw yourself into, that you thrive in, I find myself struggling not to try and hold you back.

"I know that I cannot ask you not to do this, and I know that I should not ask that of you, because you are right… this is our best option. But it pains me more than I ever thought it could… the thought of standing beside you and allowing you to throw yourself into danger."

Silence stretched between them for a moment, before Jake squeezed at Tsu'tey's hand and, mercifully, finally received the gesture in return, "Maybe," Jake started, choosing his words carefully, "maybe that's why we're such a good pair, you know? I'm never going to stop doing stupid, perilous stuff, but… you'll always be there to pull me back by the collar when I get in over my head," he exhaled, feeling the rest of the weight lift from his chest, "but, this isn't one of those times. You know that. This time, the dumb, dangerous thing is necessary and… I just need you to trust me. Trust me that I'm going to come out the other side, ready to do a hundred other dumb, dangerous things that will probably put your teeth on edge. I'm not asking you to like it, I'm just asking you to be with me through it."

Tsu'tey sighed, tilting his head up to stare into the canopy high above them for a moment, before nodding, "Yes, of course, I am… I am sorry, for how I have been acting."

"It's okay," Jake shrugged, pulling Tsu'tey's arm a bit with him as he did, feeling the weight of the other man's hand grasped within his own, and reveling a bit in the contact he had missed so much, "I know it's a lot. I know I'm a lot. I'm sorry I let you mope around for this long."

"I was not moping," Tsu'tey frowned, his brows drawing together as he shifted his head back down to fix Jake with a glare.

"Sure you weren't," Jake hummed, smiling at the other man, tugging at his arm until Tsu'tey took a step closer to Jake, close enough for Jake to lean forward and plant a gentle kiss on his lips, "I love you."

Tsu'tey huffed out a breath, puffing warm against Jake's cheeks, before a small smile betrayed his stern expression, "I love you, my Jake."

Jake only smiled wider at that, before tugging Tsu'tey back towards Hometree, trying his best not to think about what the next day would bring.