Neville watched Hermione stare at Professor Umbridge, in Defence Against the Dark Arts class.
"I've got a query about your course aims," she said.
"And your name is?" Professor Umbridge asked.
"Hermione Granger."
"Well Miss Granger, I think the course aims are perfectly clear if you read them through carefully."
"Well, I don't. There's nothing written up about using defensive spells."
"Using defensive spells. I can't imagine any situation arising in my classroom that would require you to use a defensive spell. You surely aren't expecting to be attacked during class?"
"Surely the whole point of Defence Against the Dark Arts is to practice defensive spells?"
"Are you a Ministry-Trained Education expert, Miss Granger?"
"No, but…"
"Well then, I'm afraid you're not qualified to decide what the whole point of any class is. You will be learning about defensive spells, in a secure, risk-free way."
"If we're going to be attacked, it won't be in a secure and risk-free way," Neville said.
Dean raised his hand. "He has a point."
Parvati raised her hand. "And isn't there a practical bit in our Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L.?"
"As long as you have studied the theory hard enough, there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to perform the spells under carefully controlled examination conditions."
"Without ever practicing them beforehand?"
"What good is theory going to be in the real world?" said Neville.
"What's your name?"
"Neville Longbottom."
"This is school, Mr. Longbottom, not the real world."
"So we're not supposed to be prepared for what's waiting for us out there?"
"There is nothing waiting for you out there."
Neville and Hermione approached Jane and Luna, in the great hall. "Did your guys have Defence Against the Dark Arts today?"
"Yeah," but all we did was sit around and read a boring book. I wish we could learn to defend ourselves."
Jane nodded, in agreement, and then she stood up and put her lips to Neville's ear. "Professor Umbridge also gives me the creeps," she whispered, in parseltongue.
Neville knew that Jane's mother had given her a notepad to carry around for communication, but the fact that she chose to whisper parseltongue into his ear instead made him feel special.
Neville was in the Gryffindor common room, doing his homework when Hermione sat down beside him, and then Crookshanks sat jumped into her lap.
"Neville," Hermione asked, "would it be ridiculous if I wrote to Professor Lupin and asked him to give us secret Defence Against the Dark Arts lessons?"
Neville thought that sounded like a good idea, but a little too good to believe. "No. The worst that can happen is he says no."