Sirius' fingers twitch for his wand before he remembers Harry has all of them. The minuscule amount of good humour Sirius has towards Harry for looking like James drops to zero at this moment. To be fair, zero is far better than the negatives Sirius usually labels people with.

He puts his hand on James' thigh and James' hand finds his. They both watch the fey, twisted towards each other so they can look over the backs of their chairs.

Sirius hates turning his back on the other threats -that fucking Slytherin one especially- but he knows how to prioritise. He hears the others shifting behind him but small movements, just preparing. For legends like Dumbledore and bloody Grindelwald himself, they went down fast earlier and Sirius doesn't have any expectations for them. This is will be the Marauders alone, like always.

Out of the corner of Sirius' eye, he sees Remus calmly screwing on the lid of his tea and putting it on the ground so he doesn't drop it this time. Remus stands up, long-limbed and lax, but the fey hisses sharply, a piercing whistle of a noise that makes James flinch.

The fey watches them with bleached white eyes and a mouth full of needle-sharp teeth, peering down from the tree. "Sit down, human. You do not understand the futility in-"

"I'm sorry, who are you?" James asks in confusion, pushing up his glasses. "Do I know you?"

"We're kind of in the middle of something," Sirius says pointedly with a sneer. "You can come back later."

James tsks and slaps Sirius' hand, then turns back to the fey. "My bestie didn't mean it like that. I mean…we weren't really expecting you? But that's cool though! You can hang if you really want to. Like I can get a chair…?"

Remus walks to Harry, who's holding the wands in his hands now instead of tucked away in a pocket. Harry keeps them half-hidden by his arms and holds them close as he stands tense, uncertain if he'll trigger a fight if he moves to hand them out.

"I'm sure it has it's own friends," Sirius cuts in and raises an eyebrow at the fey. "Maybe. Unless they didn't invite you either. I hear fey parties get pretty wild, and you don't look like the fun type."

The fey rears back. "I was invited to the – to a party, I just have better things to – and really I find it droll to listen to the same music that we have had for the last century." The fey stutters over lies it's unable to speak and has to loop itself around with wordplay.

"Okay well why are you out here then?" Sirius complains. "Go mope on your own, why do you have to kill the mood over here as well?"

"Oh!" James cries like he's just realised something. "Are you lost? This realm is pretty far out from a fey court-"

"I am not lost," the fey snaps back, straightening up with a sneer, blinded now to anything but Sirius' mocking smirk and James' exaggerated pity. "I am an adventurer. I was searching the fey wilds when I encountered your filthy human magic."

Having waited for the fey to get pissed off enough, Remus takes the wands from Harry and pockets his own along with Peter's, then walks over to pass back Sirius and James'. Sometimes, if Sirius and James rile up a teacher enough, Remus can just walk right over and search through the teacher's desk because he's essentially become invisible.

"We don't want you here either," Sirius deadpans, tucking his wand up his sleeve back into the holster spell.

"Stop!" James laughs, stuffing his wand away too. "Try to be nice. We haven't seen a fey for a while and the other ones were great."

"This one isn't," Sirius scoffs. "What, you think he's going to give us fairy dust? I doubt he even has any."

"You – you are humans, no one would give you fairy dust!" the fey snaps, petal wings ripping apart into nettle spines as it gets angry. "I know you are lying, fey can sense lies."

Sirius and James dart a glance at each other. Shit, they both forgot about that part. Remus has his lips pursed.

Sirius leans towards the fey, teeth bared. "Sense the truth in this; you're fucking lame and no one likes you. Just leave already-"

"What he means to say!" James says quickly over the top. "Is…um, listen. You're kind of making things a bit awkward."

"You should not be here!" the fey screeches and the tree groans under the fey's pressure, bark cracking. "You are humans! This is fey territory."

"Actually we made this," Sirius mocks. "I don't expect you to understand because fey nobility is in charge of maintaining realms and you look like you're barely a part of a court."

"I don't want to have an argument," James tries. "Look, you seem like a great fey but maybe you should go home."

"Fuck off," Sirius translates.

"Please and thank you," James tacks on and then smirks, razor-sharp.

The fey pauses and its eyes flicker from James to Sirius. It's starting to understand the joke. Or rather, understanding that it is the joke here.

Sirius laughs and it comes out mean. "What's with those fucked up winter vines and summer flowers on you? You really are just a mudblood from a no-name court, aren't you?"

"You just cracked the tree," James sneers. "I bet they don't invite you to dance at parties because your magic isn't pure enough to support the realm."

"I bet you always talk to the human sacrifices because they're the only ones who don't think you're pathetic. Isn't that embarrassing?"

"You make things so awkward. Why can't you just leave?"

"Do not understand that we don't want you here?"

"Just go home!"

The fey takes a step back along the tree branch, jaw clenched and back straight. "You should not be here. I am going to tell the court." It screeches again, a wordless noise of frustration. "How wonderful you know so much about the fey – you will be the main attraction at the next party."

The fey whirls around and, not trying to be sneaky this time, phases into the wood of the tree and reappears further off on another tree, unable to get far because they're not real plants.

Sirius was the one who designed the trees to be hollow vessels, in case they produced fey fruit, to make sure Moony -but mostly Prongs- doesn't eat anything dangerous. Apparently, it's had the side effect of crippling fey travel. Neat.

The fey looks back once, far off.

"Bye!" James chirps, waving. "Yep, bye, keep walking."

"There are losers in every race," Sirius mutters. As the fey vanishes entirely, Sirius double-checks with a few spells. After, he twists around to sit properly in his chair and smirks.

Remus is sitting down again, holding three extra wands from Albus, Gellert and Tom. Those three are watching warily.

"We should move," Harry says, either not understanding the situation or pushing through. He looks around him. "Can fey come from anywhere or do they need an entrance as well?"

"That's a bit more complicated," James admits, taking Peter's wand from Remus and shoving it up his hoodie where the rat is staying. "We need some more tweaking but we'll do that later." He claps his hands together. "Okay, is everyone ready to be obliviated and taken home?"

Sirius doesn't wait for an agreement, he just stands up and points his wand at Gellert.

"Wait!" Harry calls, stepping up with his hands out. "Wait, I thought we agreed a vow was okay?"

"Vows are useless, they always have loopholes if you're smart enough," Sirius muses and turns his wand on Harry. "You know, Harry, I find it fascinating how you think I'm not going to hurt you."

Harry's expression falters.

"Sirius," Remus says cautiously. "That's James' son."

"What?" James blurts out in shock. "Not a cousin?"

"Tom said it when we were fighting and Harry seemed to agree," Remus explains. "You were a bit distracted with Sirius going down, I don't think you heard."

James splutters, surging out of his chair and shoving away Sirius' hand. "Don't point your wand at our son, dickhead!"

"Ours?" Sirius asks.

"Yes, ours!"

Sirius opens his mouth, closes it, and then tries again. "Okay." His voice comes out soft and he has to clear his throat.

Harry is blinking rapidly. "I – I think we should leave first in case the fey comes back. Then we can talk."

"No one will believe it," James says confidently. "And by the time it drags anyone out here, we'll be gone." James steps past Harry and smiles at the other three. "Now, you can write a note or something to explain why you're missing your memory but this is going to happen either way."

Sirius refocuses himself after that…moment and realises Albus and Gellert are tipped towards each other, whispering.

Gellert hums as Albus finishes saying something and pulls away. "May I ask you a question…" Gellert's gaze roves over the Marauders. "Sirius?"

Sirius scoffs. Remus is quiet, answers questions obediently, and they know he's a werewolf so they look down on him. James is cheerful and joking and acts like a dumb deer half the time. Most of them have probably forgotten Wormtail exists. Obviously, Gellert thinks Sirius is the leader.

Sirius narrows his eyes. "I don't like the way you said that but sure."

"You made this place for your werewolf friend but there are a few issues to work out still until it can help him," Gellert summarises. "Albus and I propose that we assist you in fixing those issues in return for a well-worded vow about keeping everything that happens in this realm a secret."

Sirius hums. "And what guarantee do I have that you won't attack us as soon as you get your wand back?" Sirius is still tempted to snap their wands anyway.

"That can be a part of the vow if you'd like?"

Sirius shares a look with Remus and James. "Tell us the wording and we'll think about it."

.

A/N: So it turns out I do want to continue this into a full adventure (because my other HP fics are ending soon jkwhjxfgjkw) so I hope you'll come along for the ride lmao.