Surprise, surprise: continued angst. On the bright side, we get to meet a bunch of new characters here, one of whom doesn't show up in the regular Glee timeline until season 6! You can read more about Ricky, and Sarah's other online friends, in the futurefic Apprehensive Naked Little Trembling Boy. -amy
Finn came back to the hospital room after eating dinner to find Puck curled up in the chair, asleep. Kurt pointed and put a finger to his lips. He beckoned Finn over to stand by his dad's side.
"Try not to wake him. He slept really badly last night." He sighed. "I was thinking about calling Shelby and asking her to take Beth this weekend, just so he could get some sleep himself, but I don't think it would help."
Finn put an arm around Kurt and they leaned against one another. "More waiting. Nothing's really helping, is it?"
Kurt shook his head. "Maybe Sarah was right. We do need to do something."
"The things we've been doing involve a little more privacy than we've got right now," said Finn. "I know I could totally use a visit to Carl's office."
He shivered. "Maybe we could arrange some alone time at the house, two at a time. Something to help us get back into balance."
"I don't know if Puck can do that without it being about sex," Finn said regretfully.
"I don't know either, but it might be worth trying?" Kurt reached out and fixed the snaps on his dad's hospital gown with a rueful smile. "Feels kind of rude talking about this in front of my dad. If he were awake he'd be putting his fingers in his ears and saying lalalala already."
"Well, tell him about something he would want to hear, then."
Kurt thought for a moment. "I guess… I would tell him about how awesome Sarah was the other day in the cafeteria. She saw something was wrong and she took charge. She's not afraid to say exactly what she feels, ever. I wish I could be as brave as her."
"You think that was brave?" Finn shook his head. "I think she was desperate."
"Maybe they're not such different things." He smoothed his dad's gown as the monitor beeped. "I remember asking my mom once why I didn't have a brother or a sister. She said it was because I was exactly enough for them. That was after she was diagnosed, though. I wonder if she really wanted to have another baby, but she couldn't because of the radiation treatment?" He smiled. "And now we have so many people in our family, and it feels… overwhelming. And wonderful. And horrible when they go away. I wonder if my parents chose not to have more kids because they were afraid to lose them? Or maybe they tried and did lose them, before they had me? So many questions. I'm sorry I never got to ask them."
Finn held him while the tears came again, but then Kurt said, "Dad?" in a tremulous voice, and there was something there Finn hadn't heard before. It was hope.
"Nurse Nancy!" Finn called. He took a step toward the door, watching Kurt.
"Dad, I'm right here," Kurt said, leaning in to take his dad's hand. "I'm not going anywhere." He looked up at Finn, his face alight. "Go, go — get someone. He's waking up."
The last thing Finn wanted to do was to walk away from Kurt, but if that was what he needed, he was going to do it. He intercepted the nurse in the hall and she got Burt's nurse, and by the time they returned, Puck was awake and Burt was opening his eyes, and Kurt was arguing with the nurse that no, he wasn't leaving that spot. Finn let out a laugh of relief.
"Come on, Kurt," he said, tugging him away. "Let them do their job and take care of your dad."
He put an arm around Kurt and Puck put another one around him, and when Sarah and Carole returned from dinner a few minutes later, that was how they found them, watching Burt slowly respond to his nurse's stimulus tests.
"Oh, thank god," Carole said, and she hugged Sarah and began to cry.
It took another two days before the hospital was willing to release Burt to Carole's care and let her take him home. They made a lot of noise getting him settled in his room, but he went willingly, mostly because he was too weak to protest.
"He's not going to be happy about his new dietary restrictions," said Kurt, reading them over.
"I'll consider it a challenge." Puck nodded at the list. "I can do healthy and tasty at the same time. Trust me."
The mood around the house was significantly more optimistic that evening. Sarah brought the Monopoly board out and talked the rest of them into playing a game while Burt slept.
"We'll keep the same schedule for a few days," Carole told them as she rolled the dice. "I'll be home in the morning, then you take over after school, and we'll trade off evenings. He can't drive for another week or more. No strenuous exercise — I honestly don't know if stairs count, but he'll be okay since we're on the first floor."
"He's going to be okay?" Sarah asked. She was looking hard at Carole.
"Yes," said Carole. "As much as anybody can be sure they'll be okay. Burt's chances are excellent."
"Okay." She nodded decisively and tapped the table. "So I think we should do this family therapy thing."
Carole looked around the table, but considering she was the only adult, there wasn't much eye conversation to be had. "Okay?"
"It's something to do," Sarah said. "In addition to praying. And Holly, Finn likes her and says she would understand. And she's Toby's friend. And she's Coach Beiste's roommate."
"She — what?" Finn stared at her. Sarah waved him away with brisk irritation.
"Not important. Just, that's like five hurdles already. Somebody to talk to who doesn't need an explanation about some of our awesome weirdness."
"Our awesome weirdness." Carole was already smiling. "All right, I'll call her. Finn, just so I don't make too many assumptions, how much does she already know?"
"That I have a boyfriend. Boyfriends." He glanced over at Puck. "And a little about Carl. No names. She said there was nothing I could tell her she hadn't heard before."
Carole tried not to smile. "I think collectively we might challenge her a little there."
When the doorbell rang, Burt attempted to get up off the couch, but Sarah all but sat on him.
"Carole said no getting up," she said.
"Sarah, I'm not climbing stairs," he protested, struggling under her insignificant weight. "And honestly, I'm not sure how this is better."
"No getting up," she repeated, louder, and he subsided with a minimal amount of muttering. It was somewhat irritating how fast he really did run out of energy, but he felt like he should at least try to object, just on principle. He listened as she went to the door and opened it.
"Hi there," said a sweet, melodic voice. "I bet you're Sarah. Jake told me you'd be here today. Is your mom or dad here?"
"Come in," he called. "I'm under strict orders not to get off the couch."
The smiling woman who rounded the corner looked more like a fashion model than a therapist, but Burt was learning not to judge based on appearances.
"Well, I'll play along with those orders. No dancing or other aerobic activity in our session today. I'm Holly Holliday. Call me Holly."
He took her offered hand and shook it while Sarah sat next to him on the couch. "Hey there. I'm Burt Hummel. My son — Kurt, he goes to McKinley. Have a seat, please… I hear you taught Finn this summer."
"That's right. Finn Hudson." She settled in the chair across from them, then cocked her head. "How do you know him? Nice place you got here."
"Finn is Carole's son. She's my, uh." He looked over at Sarah and smiled helplessly. "My fiancée."
Sarah's eyes got really big. "No shit," she breathed. Then she launched herself at him in one of those tackle hugs that left him laughing and scrambling for purchase on the edge of the couch.
"I take it that was good news," drawled Holly, grinning at them.
"We haven't told anybody," he gasped. "Sarah, please, some respect for the invalid."
"I won't tell." Sarah made an X over her heart. "Promise. That is awesome news."
"So you all live together in this lovely abode. How about that." Holly turned kind eyes on Sarah. "So which one is your brother?"
"Neither. My brother's Noah. Most people call him Puck. He's Kurt's boyfriend. Except Jake's my half-brother. And I have another brother, Timothy, who doesn't live with us anymore because he works with Lady Gaga."
She waved her hands for peace. "Okay, okay, wait. Hold on. Who's Noah again? Kurt's boyfriend? And he lives here?"
"I'm in the process of adopting Noah and Sarah," Burt said. The idea still made him smile.
"Our Ma died last year," Sarah added. "Our dad's giving up custody to Tatenui — Mr. Hummel."
"Wow. I think I'm going to need a flow chart or something. This is fabulous." Holly didn't look thrown at all; on the contrary, she seemed excited. She opened up her notebook to a blank page. "Here, I think I have a pen in my bag."
She actually drew a flow chart. Sarah and Burt took a few minutes describing the familial connections between all the people who lived in the house while Holly took notes. When he got to Beth, he added Quinn with dashed lines, after which Sarah decided they needed to add all the family members who didn't live in the house that way, too.
"And Blaine," she said.
Burt turned to Holly. "This is the point at which you have to reassure me that all of this is confidential."
"I will if this is the point at which you decide you like me well enough to hire me? I mean, as long as you're not breaking the law, and nobody's threatening suicide, and there's no abuse or neglect. We can look at the consent forms any time."
He looked at Sarah, who nodded. "We like you," she said. "Ready for all the weird stuff?"
"Fire away," Holly said cheerfully.
To her credit, she didn't blink when he noted the relationships between Puck, Kurt and Finn. Adding a box for Carl meant a circuitous line connecting to Shelby and a resulting line to the Rachel box, who was already in place as Finn's girlfriend. Burt wasn't sure if that was the right term, but he figured it was close enough for a first discussion.
"And Adam," Sarah continued. When Burt hesitated, she took the pen from him and drew in a box with dotted lines connecting to Kurt and Puck.
"Adam Lambert." Holly's eyebrows went way, way up. "Huh. We're talking major-league obsession, then?"
"No, we're talking flesh and blood secret boyfriend," Burt said grimly. "Seriously. I wouldn't make that up."
This made her laugh and clap her hands in delight. "I think I should pay you to let me listen to this. I can't wait to hear that story. Okay, what else? Sarah said Lady Gaga. Is she a girlfriend too?"
Sarah was giggling. "No, but Finn's cousin is Katy Perry."
"Katy Perry as in Teenage Dream Katy Perry?" She turned her astonished face to Burt for confirmation. He nodded.
"On Finn's father's side. That song's about Finn and Puck, actually."
She turned her palms to the sky and threw her head back, basking in imaginary light. "I am in rapture. Come on, that can't be all."
"Well, unless you want to hear about the specifics of their relationships. I'm going to leave those to the boys to tell you." Burt coughed. "Carole and I probably don't know all of it. Privacy kind of went out the window when they started dating, but we're trying to maintain… well, appropriate boundaries."
Holly was smiling, and not in a teasing way. "Burt, I will say you have already exceeded most parents' appropriate boundaries in the course of this conversation. But I am all about personal disclosure and honesty between parents and children. If your son trusted you enough to tell you these things about his relationships, I will call that a positive. We can talk more about your goals and the kids' goals for privacy. I can already tell I'm going to want to meet individually and in groups with each of you." She was making furious notes in her book as she spoke. "We're going to have to budget time carefully. Introductory sessions like this are usually an hour or more, but that would end up being a lot of people, in a lot of sessions."
"Carole has health insurance that might cover sessions for her and Finn," Burt said. He nudged Sarah. "We can talk more about that later. You want to go first? Talk to Holly about what's bothering you?"
She scoffed. "The only thing that's bothering me are my stupid brothers. Well, and my equally stupid dad."
"I'm sure we can find lots of things to keep us busy." Holly stood up, shouldering her bag, and smiled at Burt one last time before turning her attention on Sarah. "I would love a tour of this beautiful house, to begin with?"
"You have to see the library. And the landscaping in the back; Finn worked really hard on that." Their voices became less distinct as Sarah led her into the foyer.
Burt sighed and leaned his head back, closing his eyes for a moment. He did like Holly, and her reaction had been promising. Knowing that Finn had liked her as a teacher was another point in her favor.
A chance to talk about what's bothering us, he thought wearily. God knew they could all use a little of that.
He must have fallen asleep for a few minutes, because the next time he opened his eyes, the light coming through the blinds was different and Sarah and Holly were sitting with her laptop open at the kitchen table. He started to get up, then thought better of it and called out instead. "Sarah?"
She was beside him in an instant, talking excitedly. "Holly's showing me how to get on the discussion group. Jake uses it to talk to his friends. He said they're great."
"It's a supplement to one-on-one sessions," Holly said, "especially for the kids in my former group practice. Gives them a safe outlet to talk about their daily life, get some peer support. It's completely private; the only adults who have access are therapists, but we don't do too much talking. We let the kids run the show, as long as they're following the rules. Rule number one?" She gestured to Sarah, who read from the top of the screen:
"One, I'm not here to fix myself or anyone else. Two, I'll strive to balance positive with honest. Three, I've got a voice and I'll use it."
"Hey, you could use some practice with rule number two, Sarah." Burt grinned as she responded with growls and tickles and fended away her advances with one hand. "All right. Do I need to sign some stuff, consent forms and contracts, make this official?"
"I'll send you a packet in the mail. My old office will type it all up." Holly gave Burt a card with the name Christian December Holliday on it. "This is the name you'll see referenced on the paperwork, but it's me. I moved out of that practice before I changed my name this summer. Can we schedule some times in the next couple weeks for me to meet with the boys and Carole?
"And you…" She turned to Sarah, offering her a fist to punch. Sarah did, with relish. "I'll see you online."
Online: Jake.
Login 2010-10-16 20:04:37: Sarah. Mood: curious.
S: Anybody around?
J: hey new grl, its jake
S: This thing is hilarious. It's at once perfectly retro stylish and also screaming for a makeover.
J: yeah well its better than facebook
S: It's not gonna be too weird having your sister around?
J: dude its just a couple of us. and its not like you and I grew up together. no last names tho
S: Yeah, Holly said I could pick a screen name, but I figured it was stupid not to be myself considering I'm specifically trying not to hide.
J: that works if who you are is who you wanna be
S: Point.
J: nobody else online at the moment, but you can introduce yrself anyway, theyll see it tomorrow
S: I guess anything's better than "Jake's little sister." I'm Sarah, I'm in 8th grade in Lima, I built a house, I have a lot of brothers, I like cooking and drawing and writing stupid poetry. Anything else?
J: I actualy think that about covers it.
The next morning, Sarah logged back into the discussion board and found four replies waiting. Each one felt like a surprise, but the last one was definitely the biggest:
K: Welcome, Jake's sister Sarah from Lima. Call me Katie. I go to Carmel in Akron and I'm a sophomore in Vocal Adrenaline. Your brother's private dance teacher is our dance teacher at school, Mr. Grey. Glad to have another girl to talk to!
R1: yo it's ry from dayton, the original R before ricky joined, keeping it real. I'm hedding to football practis.
R2: Hi, Sarah, I'm Ricky from Columbus, and as Ry said, I'm the newest addition to Holly's group. I can only speak for me, but I think you're going to like having a place like this.
M: I'm so excited you're here, Sarah! Jake told me you were coming and we realized I already know you at school! Except here my name's Mar and I like neutral pronouns they, them. I hope that's not going to be too weird.
Sarah went right up to Marley Rose at school. She looked startled to be approached like that, which wasn't surprising, since Sarah usually tried to avoid Marley.
"Hi?" said Marley.
"You?" Sarah demanded. "On Holly's discussion board?"
"I—I really didn't know Jake was your brother," Marley protested. "We've known each other forever through Holly and I had no idea you were the Sarah he was talking about."
"No, I'm not blaming you. I mean… jeez." She slumped against the wall. "I'm not mad or anything."
Marley closed her locker, watching Sarah carefully. "You don't think it's going to be weird?"
"Sure, it is." Then, at Marley's crestfallen expression, she added, "But weird isn't bad. I can adjust. So you're telling me you're not really the super-cheerful obnoxious girl you pretend to be?"
"Well," Marley said, shrugging. "I'm still all those things. Except for the, um. The girl part, not so much."
"Yeah, you said. So you want me to call you Mar at school? Use they, them?"
"No," Marley said immediately. "No, just… treat me the same. At school, I'm Marley."
Sarah made a face at her. "How can you do that? Be somebody you don't want to be all day?"
"I think most people do that, Sarah." She took Sarah by the arm and drew her close enough that Sarah could see her lip gloss. "Look… school is already complicated and confusing and… and I don't want to have to work any harder than I already have to to fit in. And don't ask me why I need to fit in, because that's even more complicated and confusing. But I could use a friend who knows who I really am, somebody I can trust. Are you going to be that person? Or should I keep looking?"
"You can trust me." Sarah raised a skeptical eyebrow. "But you can still keep looking for others, too. I'm not the only nonjudgmental girl in eighth grade."
"I actually think you might be," said Marley. Then she smiled and let out a long breath. "Well, that's a load off my mind."
Sarah's raised eyebrow was joined by the second. "Just like that? You trust me?"
"I will until you give me a reason not to." Marley resumed her walk down the hallway, and almost against her will, Sarah joined her, watching her suspiciously.
"You want some equally heavy ammo to use against me?"
Marley laughed. "No. I'm not interested in those kind of games."
"All my dirt is about my brothers, anyway. And I guess if we're going to talk on Holly's board, you'll learn it all eventually."
"I'm looking forward to it." She paused outside her classroom. "Do you hug?"
Sarah paused, thinking it over. "I think the answer is not yet if I'm taking this long to decide."
"Fair enough," said Marley, still cheerful. "Bye, Sarah."
Puck had learned to wake up immediately to the sound of Sarah's voice a long time ago. After Beth was born, he learned to wake up to her first hitching breath. Recently, he'd learned to wake up to the vibration of his cell phone on mute, because what if Shelby had an emergency in the middle of the night? It was more annoying than useful, because sometimes he'd end up waking up to stupid texts or calls instead, but once he'd learned how to do it, it seemed he couldn't un-learn it.
Luckily, nobody else in the house woke up to vibrating cell phones. He kept his phone under his pillow when he slept away, and on the nightstand by his bed when he was home. Kurt didn't even move when he got the text from his dad.
I have a surprise for you. You awake?
He kind of wanted to be an asshole about it and say, Dude, I am now, but he just said Yeah?
Meet me at that 24-hour donut place on Elida. Bring your guitar.
His dad had a long history of doing weird-ass stunts, so this felt familiar. Puck sat up, rubbing his face. Kurt stirred beside him, one arm sliding across the sheets to touch his leg.
"Ev'rything okay?" Kurt murmured.
Puck leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Fine. Just something with my dad. Go back to sleep."
That was no problem. Kurt hadn't really woken up anyway. Puck texted back, On my way. He got dressed in the dark, pulling on his jeans and hunting for his socks under the bed. The house remained quiet as he made his way down the back staircase and into the garage.
The drive was brief, and he sang loudly to Adam's CD to wake himself up. When he arrived at Pat's Donuts & Kreme, his dad's truck was parked beside the entrance and his dad was standing at the counter.
His dad looked up and smiled at Puck, handing the girl behind the counter a five and taking the cup of coffee and bag of donuts.
"You up for a road trip?" his dad asked him.
Puck looked around them, at the dark parking lot. "When? You mean now?"
"I mean right now," his dad said, his smile growing. "I just got a call from the Adventure Camp folks in Oregon. They have an opening in the October weekend. This weekend. If we leave tonight, we'd just make it in time for welcome. I've got everything in the truck you need. What do you say?"
Puck looked out the plate-glass window onto the dark road, leading back home. "I should call home." Call Finn is what he meant, but he wouldn't say it in front of his dad. "Burt. I don't want to stress him out."
"Oh, Burt already knows," his dad said, surprising him. "I talked to him about it last week after he got released from the hospital. Sounded like he wasn't sure about the idea of you missing a couple days of school, but I talked him into it. And I could call the school on the way out of town. You said Shelby would keep Beth on the weekend if you needed that."
He nodded. "Yeah, she said that would be okay." Shelby was never happy giving up Beth, any more than he was himself. "I really think I should —"
"Hey, you brought it." He patted Puck's guitar case with a pleased smile. "Mine's behind the seat. Been a while since we played together."
That was definitely true. Puck wasn't sure he could remember the last time they'd done that, actually. Before his dad had moved out, at least. He felt a wave of longing — and for once, it wasn't the kind of longing he was being told he shouldn't have. He grasped for it.
"Yeah," he said, nodding, and shook his dad's hand. "Yes. I'm in. What the hell."