Chapter 2
Callie knocked on Arizona's door and waited, she knew her ex-wife was in pain when she left and would take a moment to reach the door.
Arizona sighed when she opened the door to see Callie stood there, "Did Sofia forget something?" She asked, leaning heavily on her crutches, Callie took note of the red eyes and the obvious pain she was in, and her heart hurt for her ex, it also increased her guilt knowing that she caused a lot of the pain she was seeing right now and all of it was for nothing, she took Sofia to the other side of the county for her new girlfriend and the relationship didn't even last 3 months.
"No, she didn't forget anything, I wanted to come back and speak with you."
"I..." Arizona hesitated, she did not want to be alone with Callie, they had not been able to have a civil conversation in so long, most conversations ended in arguments and Arizona didn't have the energy left for arguing.
"Please Arizona. I just want to talk." Callie begged softly, "We need to talk"
Arizona hesitated a little longer, still not making eye contact with Callie, before she sighed again, louder this time and opened the door further to allow Callie access.
Callie closed the door behind her and watched as Arizona headed to the couch and sat down and picked up an ice pack she was using for her limb and inhaled loudly at the contact. Callie followed and sat on the opposite couch nervously, taking note of the redness and blistering surrounding Arizona's limb. "Are you okay?" She asked nodding to her leg.
Arizona gave a slight nod, "It's just my old prosthetic, I had to wear it today. I fell and broke the other one" she offered. "So, why are you here?" she asked getting straight to the point.
"Sofia. I am sorry for how she treated you, I've had a word with her, and she is going to call you when we are back home to apologise."
"Thank you"
"She really didn't mean it Arizona."
"Yeah, she did, I've let he down so much" Arizona shook her head sadly hating how everything that was once so good fell apart so quickly.
"She really doesn't hate you; she is just hurt; I think you just need to try harder to come out to New York." Callie said softly not wanting to cause any arguments, not wanting to cause Arizona any more pain than she seemed to already be in, but the conversation needed to be had.
Callie had tried after the court case to talk with Arizona, tried to come up with a plan but her ex-wife refused any contact with her, and Callie had eventually left it, giving Arizona time, but now over a year later, Arizona still avoided her, still avoided any conversation with her.
"You think I haven't tried?" Arizona eyes shot straight to Callie's for the first time that night. For the first time since the custody trial, Hurt written over her face.
"I know your job is important and that last minute cancellations happen, I get it..."
"It's not my job Callie"
"But we need to sit down and make more of an effort, for Sofia's sake. You have barley spoke to me since the trial, we need to make some kind of plan around our work." Callie continued.
"It's not my job Callie, I can't get on the freakin' plane." She shouted, cutting Callie off.
"Arizona..."
"No, look!" she shouts grabbing hold of her crutches, pulling herself up and struggling over to the kitchen island, opening a drawer, and pulling out a folder, hands shaking.
"Here, this is from January when I booked my first flight, and I had a panic attack before I even stepped foot inside the airport." She threw the ticket across the kitchen island where Callie was standing.
"Arizona."
"And this, this is from Easter." She continued "I made it into the airport this time, April came with me, but I had another panic attack, April helped me through it, but I still couldn't make myself move towards the terminal."
"Arizona..." Callie tried again but Arizona either did not hear her or chose to ignore her.
She was crying now, and Callie tried again to stop her from continuing, "and this is from May, I almost made it this time, I was so close but someone at the bar dropped a glass, and the sound gave me a fright and it triggered a flashback, and I was instantly right back in those woods, it felt so real, and I passed out, I missed the flight."
"Okay Arizona stop, please" Callie begged as she picked up all the tickets Arizona was throwing at her, her own tears now falling at seeing her ex-wife hurt like this, but Arizona just shook her head as she continued. "And this one is from July, April came with me again but this time she booked a ticket too, she was going to come with me on the plane, I was determined to be on that flight so I changed tactics, I got so drunk at the bar, I thought maybe, just maybe if I was drunk, I could ignore the pain, forget about my anxiety, forget about my fears, I wanted so badly to see Sofia, I miss her so much Callie and I didn't want to let her down again, I really thought I could do it, and I made it onto the plane Callie, I got on the plane, I sat in my seat, April holding my hand, and I could feel the panic begin to rise, I tried and I tried but I couldn't do it, It was too much and I had to get off the plane, I couldn't do it. but I tried, okay, I really tried Callie" she sobbed as broke down, Callie quickly rounded the table, and took a chance, and pulled Arizona into her, holding her as she sobbed.
"She hates me now because I have let her down over and over and over again" She cried; her voice muffled by Callie's shoulder.
"She doesn't hate you" Callie's heart was breaking for her ex, she hadn't known just how much she was struggling.
"Yeah, she does."
"I promise you; she does not hate you, in fact she's now worried in case you hate her."
This pulled Arizona away from Callie, "No, I would never hate her, you have to tell her." Arizona said through her sobs, wobbling slightly on her crutches.
"She knows, I told her, come on, come and sit down." Callie motioned her over to the couch and helped her sit down, taking the crutches off her and setting them beside the couch before she sat down next to her on the same couch.
"I'm sorry Arizona, I should have known it was the plane, I didn't even think." Callie said shaking her head, "I'm so stupid" Arizona had flown once since the crash, and she had stupidly believed that Arizona would be okay. " I wish you would have told me, all the arguments we have had about this."
"Because Callie, everything was always about my leg, about the damn plane..." She shrugged sadly as she tried to stop her tears and compose herself.
Callie shook her head remembering the many arguments she had with Arizona about her leg and felt bad that she had been missing time with her daughter because of her fear of flying and not because of her work like she had believed.
"You should have told me Arizona, I could have brought Sofia to you, I would have understood."
"It's not your fault, you shouldn't have to fly here every time."
"But It is my fault, I left and took Sofia to New York, and I didn't even think about your fear of flying, I thought you were okay, you flew with Alex."
"And I had nightmares for weeks after, and I haven't been able to fly since." Arizona admitted.
"I wish you had told me Arizona; I would have helped."
"Well, communication was never our strong point, and we have hardly been civil now have we, not since the court case."
Callie dropped her head into her hands for a second before she sat back up dragging her hands through her hair. "I'm sorry, I really am, I didn't really think about you at all when I made the choice to go to New York. You should know I regret it." She said sincerely.
Arizona nodded sadly "Yeah me too" She whispered as Callie took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "I regret it all"
"Listen, I have to go, I'm having dinner with Meredith and our flight is later tonight" Callie said regretfully. "When I get back to New York, I will give you a call and we can try arrange a schedule that's helps you and Sofia, Okay, even if I need to fly out here myself, I will."
"Callie..."
"We will find a way, okay?" She said determinedly and Arizona nodded. "I know I hurt you Arizona, we hurt each other but I'd like us to fix it, if not for us then for Sofia." Callie finished and Arizona nodded in agreement.
Callie had noticed that she was massaging her limb again. "Is there anything I can do?" Arizona shook her head, "No, its fine, I took painkillers before you came, they are starting to kick in, It's only a little bit sore now. Thank you though"
"Okay then. I should go." She said standing and Arizona reached for her crutches. "No stay I will let myself out" she said but Arizona ignored her as she struggled to her feet.
"Thank you for coming over, Callie, I appreciate it." Callie turned to look at Arizona and offered her a smile, once they made their way to the door and despite the fact her face was red from crying, Arizona had a small smile of her own on her face and looked better than she had an hour ago.
"Are you sure you are, okay?" she checked.
"Yeah, I will be fine" She offered another smile to Callie, "tell Sofia I love her. No matter what."
"I will, and remember that she does love you, okay? You are all she ever talks about in New York." Callie reassured her and Arizona nodded. "And I don't hate you either" Callie added remembering the words from before 'you can go back to New York and hate me together.' "I have never hated you." Arizona gave another nod, not as convincing.
"We will call you once we are home."
"Thank you, have a safe flight."
"Thanks, goodnight."
"Goodnight" Arizona said as Callie gave a small wave and got into her car.
Arizona closed the door after watching Callie drive away and for the first time in 7 months, she felt a weight lift from her chest.