A/N: I'm sorry it's been a while for an update to this fic. I was burning out badly and needed to step away. But I'm back with a solid idea for it's future and I am very excited to present this long awaited chapter. I hope you all enjoy and I look forward to bringing you whats to come!
Plain shreds through my body. It's the only thing I know. I don't remember what my skin used to feel like, if my bones never ached and if my insides were ever safe from evaporation, but I know that this isn't what I want. I don't know how much more I can take before everything just ends.
Darkness surrounds me and threatens to swallow my light whole no matter how much I tear at it and claw to what I hope will be freedom on the other side.
I'm afraid. So afraid. Everything hurts and I can't bear it any more. I need to get out. Away. Just anywhere. I need to find the light. Where is the sun?
Where is … Atem?
Atem!?
Where are you?!
"Yugi…"
I wake with a start, pushing the darkness away roughly, a scream just on the edge of my voice but cut off from the air I draw.
"It's okay. It's me. You're safe."
Atem's voice is soft and here! So here! I feel tears welling up and I clammer my way into his waiting arms. He holds me close and I bury my face into his bare chest. His fingers lace through my hair as he soothes me with sweet words and gentle sounds, but what calms me the most is his warmth and the feel of his heart beneath my finger tips. His smooth, hot flesh barely separates me from his soul and it's this that reminds me I'm home, safe and sound.
We lay here a while, just breathing and being. I'm sure he's worried - I can practically feel it at his finger tips - but I do not wish to disturb this moment of peace.
I've had bad dreams and nightmares before but that … that was so … real. It felt real and it honestly terrifies me. I tell myself I'm okay, that I'm safe within my home and with my mate, with my friends to protect me. But this fear is irrational and deep - I feel as if maybe it was more a warning than a concoction of fears and recent events.
I feel him move slightly and carefully I lift my head to see him. But my hands slide across his silky smooth, hot flesh of his back and his own tangles in my hair. I feel his breath upon my lips and I feed him my own. Our bodies entwine and rub flush against one another, and in only moments does he push this terrible fear aside with his tongue exploring my mouth.
Red eyes as bright and deep and rich as blood stare up at me, lit by a blinding light I cannot see.
The eyes of the others were not so afraid though, were not wet with tears and terror. He reaches for my cheek with a shaking black claw and while the motion is slow and obvious I feel an overwhelming surge of fear and I quickly strike his corrupted claw away from me, a hiss between my teeth to warn him not to touch me.
His breath catches and … pain, confusion… I feel it all through him.
It hurts…
So much to know what he is feeling when he looks at me. To know that I am the reason for his fear.
His lips move but I cannot hear him. I can almost read them though: my light?
I wake with a start, clasping my hand immediately to my lips to trap the yelp within.
I lay still for a long, long while, breathing softly so as not to bring any unwanted attention to myself. Not that anything is here in my room save for my beloved partner.
Atem stirs gently beside me, his arm curls around my stomach and pulls me close to him and I let him, turning my back to him so I might be wrapped in his embrace as much as possible. With him behind me I can watch and gather my senses in silence.
I know I'm safe here. I am SO safe here. The sigils and seals and runes that protect my home are strong and stable. I can feel their energy buzzing in the walls and I know that within these walls, nothing malevolent can reach us.
So why… I haven't left this house in days, a week or so maybe - why do I feel so unsafe? For the last several days it has been nothing but vivid nightmares and peaceful days. I can almost piece the dreams together too, they just connect in a way dreams are not supposed to. This is the first I have seen Atem in them though. The others have been nought but pure pain and terror, unrivaled anger and flames and the disgusting, sickening feel of thick dark red water between my fingers.
The only thing I don't understand is why these dreams are plaguing me so. Ryou says I'm stressed about Amar and that I have a lot going on. Tea's not said much on the matter and Atem assures me that he would never allow anything remotely similar to come to pass.
But still…
"My light." Atem's sleepy murmur makes me hold my breath. I remain still just in case he's not awake but after a moment he takes a deeper breath and nuzzles the back of my shoulder affectionately. He must be awake.
Now that he is though I feel my walls crumbling again. I'm afraid and I hate that I can't sleep without seeing or feeling something horrible anymore.
I turn around to face him and he readily pulls me closer. My shuddering breaths encourages more sobs and he hushes me gently, kissing my head and petting me softly. I glance his wing covering us to form a protective shell where we can curl and hide, and while I am softly crying it does feel better being within his shield.
He holds me until I feel so heavy and so tired that I am barely thinking of anything. I am warm, comfortable in his arms and sleep nears. I feel it's pull, feel it's weight and while I know what waits for me I am powerless to resist it's call for long.
The next time I wake I find myself alone in my bed, tucked in like a burrito and comfortable among many soft pillows. I feel as if I am within my own nest. It is comfortable and warm and safe - but I miss Atem. Where did he go?
"Atem?" I mumble softly before a yawn robs me of doing anything else. I stretch and push off my blankets before I lift myself up on my elbows.
He's not here. He's close though. I sense he hasn't left the house. But someone else is here too.
…Tea.
I throw off the blankets completely and find the closest thing to decent clothing as I can. I'm in no rush but I am quick to do so. I'm curious as to why she's here and why Atem is with her.
I hear their hushed voices in the living room and immediately feel that whatever they're talking about, they might not want me to know.
But this is my home and I want to know every word uttered inside it.
I am lightfooted, practically floating down the hall until I am close enough to hear their words.
Atem sounds urgent and Tea worried or annoyed perhaps. A quick scan of the house tells me every seal is fine and intact, as strong as the day they were burned - what could he be worried about?
"Please. I won't ask you to do anything more but these dreams of his concern me. They concern you too."
They're talking about me?
"They do. It's uncommon for a Cupid to see their future though. He isn't a Prophet or a Faith." Tea argues softly. She doesn't sound convinced… my future… could these dreams be visions instead?
"Uncommon, not unheard of. Tea he is miserable and so terrified. I can only reassure him so much. One dream is passable, but every night for a week? They are relentless, he is exhausted and I do not know what else to tell him."
"Atem…"
"There are Demons that foresee their end in the days to come should it ever pass. Can the same not be said for Angels?"
She is silent and I hold my breath to listen. I fear for a moment I've been caught but then she sighs.
"I'll look into it. They've been consistent?"
"Yes. Every time he sleeps and they shake him to his core."
"Is he asleep now?"
Shit! He's going to know in seconds I'm not in bed and I can't creep back their quick enough without -
"Yes."
What?
"He's asleep. Finally. And I'd like to keep it that way for as long as possible." He says and there's an edge to his voice.
"Fair enough. He's told me what they've been about but should anything else come up, please call for me. In the meantime I will return to Heaven and see what I can find."
"Thank you Tea."
"Don't. I am doing this for him. Truth be told, I am concerned too. Atem - he can be reckless when pushed. He left home with near nothing to his name and a teenage human as his only companion at 16. Please, just -"
"I'll make sure he's safe. He won't be anywhere I won't be able to be at his side in seconds. You have my word that on my life I will protect him. Not for you, but for him and for me."
Silence follows and a soft shift in the air later tells me she's gone. I could sneak back now before he returns to the bedroom… or -
"How long are you going to stand there before you come to my arms?"
I know he's speaking to me now and honestly it's endearing to know he knows I'm here. I feel pretty shy for being caught but I am glad though. I'd rather have this out in the open than a secret I must keep.
I step out and he turns to face me with a sympathetic smile upon his lips. He's wearing trackpants and nothing else but his wings and horns are proudly out. His feathers shimmer as they breathe and he holds his arms out for me.
I go to him quicker than I expected to but I am so relieved when he wraps those strong arms around me and his wings around the both of us.
"How did you know I was there?" I whisper and kisses my nose softly.
"I can feel your presence. How long were you eavesdropping?" He asks cheekily and I chew my lip.
"Long enough." I pull from him and releases me just enough, his wings fall behind him gently. I know what I want to ask - but I'm anxious about his answer. But I can't not ask. "My future?"
A grimace tugs at his lips and his eyes look regretful and unwilling to answer - but he knows he must. I won't let him go until he does. "It's uncertain but I have asked Tea to look into the possibility that these dreams could be more. It is still only a possibility though. She is right that only certain angels can foresee the future and according to her it is very uncommon for any other to predict it."
I nod slowly, taking in exactly what he's saying. These dreams are consistent, they tell a story and I can follow them as clearly as any memory - which is just not dream-like. I've never had visions, I could never predict the future. I keep a set of clothes in my car for every occasion for the amount of times I've gotten the weather wrong.
But this…
"My theory however, is that in the off chance it is not stress and anxiety, then Cupids are a subspecies of Angels that have direct influence over fate. So, it might be possible that perhaps these dreams are warning you of what could be coming."
I nod again, though I only understand a bit of that. Subspecies and fate confuse me, but I understand that he's saying there's a chance that these dreams are premonitions instead.
"What can we do if they are a warning?" I ask and he purses his lips together.
"I will do everything in my power to protect you, Yugi."
"I know. But what can we do?" I ask more firmly and he looks uncomfortable. He has no answers for me, I know that. But we have to come up with a plan. "Atem. I know you'll protect me - but I cannot stay inside these walls for the rest of eternity."
He opens his mouth to argue but closes it very quickly. We've been over this argument time and time again. This isn't about rent or bills or groceries or even the apartment standing for the rest of time because of supernatural magicks. This is about my life. I cannot stay cooped up. With him remaining indoors is bearable, especially when he makes me forget everything - but I miss the sunlight. I miss the breeze. I see birds outside and I long to join them in their flight and their freedom. My friends can come over every day but it will not ease this ache in my chest, this yearning to adventure outside beyond these walls.
He touches my arms and steps closer. His hands circle my hips and I know what he plans to do. He intends to take my mind off it all in the only way an incubus knows how to - but I demand some kind of reassurance that after, we will come up with something.
"Lets give Tea a few days. If she finds nothing or has not returned, then I will take you out for a while." He says softly, his lips ghosting my own before he moves down to my neck.
"Is that safe?" I ask breathlessly. He kisses my shoulder and I shudder, leaning into his warm lips.
"No. But I wouldn't dare tempt a sun starved angel by keeping him caged for any longer than an angel should be."
"Sun starved?" I ask, moaning as his teeth sink into my neck. He hums and his hands slide under my pants to grope and squeeze my ass. He pulls my hips against his and grinds against me. My knees weaken and I hold onto his arms lest I collapse under his attention.
He lets me go and kisses my lips, his tongue eagerly laps at the inside of my mouth and I am quickly turning into jelly. When he lets me go he pushes my head to the other side so he might drag his wet, smooth tongue along my jaw to my ear.
"I can feel how restless you are. All Angels crave the sunlight - this is why they live above the clouds. I will feed you soon, but I need you to be patient. Just a little longer."
"I'm impatient…" I whisper hungrily. He knows what I mean though. He snickers and his fingers push between my cheeks.
"For something else I can feed you, I'm sure." He growls in my ear.
I was afraid.
Now all I want is him inside me.
Sun starved has been a term that has haunted my mind ever since he uttered those words. It is almost like now that I have a name to put on this insufferable urge it has only gotten worse.
Atem has been so good though and so patient with me, even when I shake him off or I get so restless and irritated he ends up being the target for my frustration.
The sleepless nights are the worst though. When the sun is down and the stars are barely visible and I am so tired and afraid of sleeping. The night terrors, these … visions. They have me up all night, huddled and curled up by the living room window with the lights on. Atem stays up with me, he keeps me company until sleep takes him away. I'd rather he sleep if I'm honest. I love his support but I feel so unfair to him. At least when he's asleep, then he is not actively worried.
Last night was no different. He sleeps beside me still, curled on the floor with his wings shielding the light from his vision. I let him sleep soundly, my head resting upon the glass as I watch the light blue sky become brighter and brighter and white doves of the city begin to wake and take flight.
I.
Need.
To.
Get.
Out!
I can't take this anymore. I want to feel the breeze. I need the sunlight. I feel like I'm suffocating in here.
I glance down at my sleeping little raven and I feel frustrated tears beginning to wet my eyes. My nose tingles. I feel so irritated but I do not want to wake him. He's been putting up with me so much he deserves some rest.
Carefully I lift myself up and very very carefully I unlock and open the door. He doesn't stir at all but I do not breathe until I have made it safely outside.
The feel of the cold concrete under my feet is blissful! The fresh cool morning air tickles the hair on my skin and takes every ounce of heavy metal out of my blood. I feel weightless after my first breath and the cold metal railings between my fingers makes me want to collapse with relief.
All the games, movies, sex and company does not compare to the immense relief I feel standing here in this moment. Oh my god! I didn't know this could feel so good!
The magic of the seals protecting my apartment are quieter here too and much less present. I do feel them throughout the building, but honestly this feels more like a beacon than a mask. A hidden part of the city that no one takes note of, a vacant blip on the map… nothing is more obvious to me than that. Hidden in plain sight to humans but to all else that can feel it? This would be the first place I'd look.
But standing here, in spite of that… I dont care. Amar could find us. She could fly before me, taunting me frustrated because whatever she does she can't inside, and I would revel in that. Just to feel the air on my skin again, I would welcome her.
The breeze picks up and I feel it lift my burdens from me. I breathe it in and lean into it, holding onto the rail tightly so I don't fall. As it leaves I relax and thank the gods for their touch.
It's weird… I've never been so attuned to the world before. I've never been totally spiritual or one with nature or anything like that. Perhaps a little more than most city folk after having grown up at a farm but, never this awoken to it.
Standing here now I feel the sigh of the air, the turn of the world, the thrum of the earth and in the distance the rock of the ocean. I feel the hearts of the people around me and the love of those I've touched. I feel it all and it's so surreal.
I'm certain the seal within me is weak. I can almost feel it hanging on by a thread at this point and as the days pass it gets weaker. I wonder what will happen when it breaks. Will it be as gradual as these strange sensations or will it snap and unleash a fury of heavenly power? Will I be able to handle it? Will I even know who I am? How much will I change?
I watch a pair of doves fly high into the air, their white wings shining in the glorious sunlight they bask in. I wonder if when my seal breaks my wings will be strong enough to carry me into the air. Will I be able to fly with Atem as those love birds do, free of the world's stresses and so powerful no threat could sway us.
…
I look upon this city and its vast buildings and I listen to the gradually growing noises of traffic. So long as we live here I suppose we won't have much chance to be ourselves. We can go anywhere in the world sure, but having to leave only to come back.
I came here to find love. It's taken years but I found it. I look back at my black dove asleep still where I left him and I smile. I found him.
So what do I need this city for now? The life I built here, it's a good life. I have friends, I have a nice little job, it's an inconspicuous life. One I can blend in and be one with humanity.
But I wonder… when my seal breaks and I become whatever it is they think I'll become - maybe I'll outgrow this nest and desire something bigger. Something wider. No cage, no walls to trap me, no social rules to adhere to. Just me and Atem and the wide world we live in where the land and skies are our home.
I think I'd like that. One day… when the threat has passed.
If it ever does.
I turn back and lean on the rail somberly. So long as Amar stalks Atem we won't be able to have that. I have to remain in this cage I once called a sanctuary because I am the closest thing to Atem's heart and she knows it.
I want that life though. More than anything. I want it right now. I don't want to go back inside. I want Atem to take me away from here where I'll never have to go within four walls again.
I hear the door slide open softly followed by Atem's confused voice sing my name. I don't have to move for soon he's draping himself over the back of me, resting his head upon my back and his wings cover my sides.
"It isn't safe out here." He says softly but he doesn't move to drag me inside. I don't want to go back inside.
"I want to leave." I say. I try to be strong but my voice wavers.
He lifts himself up and pulls me into a loving embrace I lean into. "Where do you want to go?" He asks.
He asks as if it makes a difference. He and I both know we are trapped here. It doesn't matter how I feel or what I want because so long as she's on the hunt, we are stuck here.
"Yugi?"
I feel my frustration growing as easily as breathing… which means he can too. I close my eyes to it and try to breathe slowly, to calm down. He doesn't deserve my anger.
"My light." He whispers, leaning in to kiss my cheek.
"Why do you ask me that?" I ask him in barely contained rage. When he does not answer I look at him. I feel the frown but I cannot iron it out.
"Ask you what?" He asks softly. Ever patient. Ever asking stupid questions.
"Why do you ask me where I'd like to go? Like I have the option to leave this cage."
I turn away from him and lean on my arms, watching the city wake. People walk, cars drive by and not one of them knows of the huntress that may or may not even be in this city.
He touches my arm gently and I shake him off. I don't want to be held or distracted right now. I want out.
He sighs softly and then I feel something odd. The railings wobble and I look to see him climbing them. Curiously I watch as he easily stands upon them and my heart leaps when he jumps off.
His wings catch him and he hovers before me, his wings fluttering quickly to keep him afloat.
He holds out a hand to me, as if wanting me to take it. I'm curious and confused and a bit wary, and he smiles warmly at my hesitation.
"Take my hand." He urges softly.
He's… taking me away.
The rush of happiness that floods my system is so overwhelming that it sweeps me off my feet. I've never climbed this railing before but without a second thought I am sitting upon it and pushing off to leap into his arms. It doesn't even matter how high I am, that I would die were I to fall, because I know he would catch me.
I am safe in his arms but still I cling to him, burying my face into his chest and not a second later I feel that familiar rush of wind as he teleports us to some random place in the world. When he opens his wings again and I feel nothing beneath me, I know we've arrived and carefully I look out to the world below.
We are above a small island covered in grass and trees and high above the ocean surface. It looks uninhabited and no where near any large landmasses that I can see. Other smaller islands dot the ocean and the curve of the world is beautiful. Small white clouds glide across the sky but the sun is allowed to shine brightly upon the world - upon us.
And it feels incredible.
I sink into him and he holds me tighter against him with a small chuckle in his throat. He kisses my cheek and I hum and lean into him.
"Thank you." I breathe softly.
I feel so high right now. Not above the ground, just … my mind feels so light and weightless. My body is soaking in this light and I can't believe how relaxed I feel now.
"Shall we land?"
I nod tiredly and he holds me close. I wrap my arms and legs around him so he can carry me like a child and with my head nestled between his neck and shoulder, I watch as we make a soft descend.
The island is actually a lot larger than I thought. From so high up I could see the entirety of it but it's actually a pretty decent size, could easily fit a small town or two.
His wings flap hard against the air before he touches down and I unwrap myself from him when he does.
The grass is so much softer than I expected. It is like the softest fur or the fluffiest sand. It is pleasant between my toes, like I am walking on silk. I eagerly kneel down to feel it between my fingers and I don't know what comes over me but in seconds I am rolling among the soft blades, rubbing my entire body over it's surface and soaking in the suns radiance.
I hear Atem laugh softly but I ignore it. I don't let what this looks like get between me and this feeling. I am in absolute ecstasy right now. I've never felt such sensations before and I love every second of it.
Eventually I find the best spot. Laying flat on my back, curved in a way that I am stretched out like a cat would upon their favourite sunny spot. If I could purr I'm sure I would be.
All this frustration over the last few weeks has been sapped from my body. Every ounce of anxiety cannot reach me here. Even knowing that this cannot last, that we'll end up returning to Domino and our nest, it doesn't bother me so long as I can stay here longer.
This is exactly what I needed.
I sigh deeply, happy and relieved before I curl within myself to nuzzle the grass and clasp it's leaves between my fingers, breathing in the sweet, earthy scent.
Atem kneels beside me and I frown at him because he is blocking my light. He laughs and moves to the side and instantly I am rubbing in the sunlight again.
"Incredible." He says quietly. I hum in acknowledgement of him but when he says nothing I adoringly look up at him. His smile is so warm and endearing, as if looking upon the sweetest little animal. "Tea told me that fine fescue acts very much like catnip for angels."
Catnip? I laugh at that and rub myself against the soft, fine textures some more. I think I can see why. There's something about the scent and the textures that have me feeling like I'm in heaven.
"How do you feel?" He asks softly.
"A million times better." I purr.
He sits down comfortably, letting his wings relax behind him and he watches me happily. I crawl over to him and lay my head in his lap, settling down comfortably while he brushes my hair with his claws. When the sharp tips of his claws scratch my scalp I hum pleasantly. I adore this. Everything about this.
"How did you know to bring us here?" I ask, my voice soft and so relaxed.
"I've been around. When she told me about the grass I knew I needed to bring you here."
I hum again and bury my face into his leg.
"Why did she tell you about the grass?"
"I asked her if there was anything I could do to soothe you. She suggested the grass but Shadi has so far been unable to find anything practical."
I wonder when he did this. Maybe in the small moments I've been asleep. It doesn't matter, I'm just touched he's gone through so much effort to relieve me. He's so good to me.
"Thank you. For everything. I've been so unfair to you lately and you've shown nothing but sincerity and patience. I'm so sorry for snapping at you so much and pushing you away. You don't deserve that kind of behaviour after everything I put you through." I say sadly, gripping his leg tightly and rubbing my face against him to try and stop any tears from forming.
"It's alright, my light. I understand. Besides, I am the reason you've had to be so locked up of late. In a way it is justified."
I lift myself up to face him, a small frown upon my face. I know where he's coming from and I know the blame and guilt he puts on himself for this. But … "This isn't your fault. You couldn't have known she even existed. I understand how and why you feel the way you do, but I promise this isn't your fault. It's unfortunate, the circumstance we're in, but we're in this together."
He smiles at me and gently strokes my cheek. I lean into his touch lovingly and sigh happily.
"I love you, Yugi."
I feel his warmth and love seep into my core, filling me up even more as if there was room left to pour more in. His love for me has been the only thing keeping me somewhat sane of late, but I feel that without the sun I've been unable to tap into that energy. Maybe that's why I feel so incredible now…
"Do you know much about how the sun affects an angel?" I ask curiously but he shakes his head.
"No. What I've learned I've learned from Tea. She told me the reason you've been so restless is because keeping you locked up is very stressful to an angel. It is exactly like a grounded bird or anything that is trapped. What the sun specifically has to do with it, I don't know. She called it sun starved and didn't seem inclined to explain further."
I nod, but I think somehow I just know though. It honestly feels like the sun is giving me the energy to feel the earth, to tap into my own energies and power and food stores of love.
"Do demons have this kind of barrier on their food source? Like… do you ever feel like you can't feed off the lust that is fed to you?" I ask but he looks completely confused. I can feel he has no idea what I'm talking about. "I guess not."
"No, I don't think so. Why?" He asks, cocking his head to the side curiously.
"I don't know. I think that's kind of what I feel like. Being here now, in the sun, it feels like I can finally feed off all the love you've been giving me. Like I've felt it while we've been indoors but it's been somewhat … diminished. Now though, it feels like the market is open and I can feel everything. Like the dam has been opened and I can relish in this feeling to my hearts content."
He hums and nods thoughtfully. "I see. Maybe angels require the sun and open air in order to feed properly. Until now you've never been trapped indoors for extensive periods of time."
"Yeah." I say, running my fingers through the grass slowly, as if giving the earth a massage. "I think… my seal is really weak too." I add idly.
"It does feel fairly vacant." He admits quietly.
"I can almost feel it hanging on by mere threads now."
"You can feel it?" He asks in surprise.
I smile at him and massage the earth with both my hands. "I think so. There's so much about me right now I just know and can't describe how."
I think back to those dreams of mine. Those horrific scenes, the pain, the screaming… the story it tells is of my death. Atem will be there. He'll try to stop it but I'll turn on him. Fear and pain will make me turn on him… my seal will break. It is ironic that when I get my wings and I take flight for the first time, it won't be with him by my side, but him against me.
"Yugi?"
I zoned out there and I realise he's waiting for something. An answer to a question maybe. "Sorry, I zoned out there." I laugh awkwardly. He smiles sweetly.
"I noted that your intuition and knowledge of what you are and what you can feel is very accurate now. You can feel the magic on your nest, you've started using terms an angel or demon might use that I've not shared with you, you seem a lot more attuned with what you are and what you can do even with the seal blocking much of your latent powers and abilities. I remember, a couple of months ago you adamantly denied what you were, insisted you were human and didn't want anything to do with the reality of what you are. But now look at you: sun starved and high on life after just a few short moments being in the sun, actively scanning your own home and checking on the souls you've touched. You are growing into what you are at remarkable speed and what's most surprising, is you seem to want your seal to break now."
I smile at him and return my attention to the grass. "You're right. Every word of it. I didn't want to admit that I was anything different. I didn't want to believe that all those years trying to find love, I was wasting my time because a human cannot fall in love with a cupid. A cupid brings love to others, they don't draw it in for themselves. The only way we can find love for ourselves is to find someone immune to our charms. Now though; I do want my seal to break. I want my wings, I want to fly above the earth and into the endless sky with you by my side. I want to feel every ounce of love I've helped to spread, I want to touch every corner of the earth and defend the people I care about from anything that dares threaten it. I want to embrace everything I can possibly do so that in any event, I am prepared. If anything came for the people I've touched, for the people I love, for you… I want to be there to stop it and ensure your safety for all of eternity. I want this so much. I just… I want to fly with you, Tem. Forever."
He smiles but I feel fear in his heart, a deep rooted pain I didn't expect to feel. I lean towards him and gently touch his chest. His heart beats slowly beneath my fingers but every beat is hurting. "What's wrong?"
His pain blossoms but he barely lets it show. He looks down between us and gently holds my hand over his chest. "I'm afraid of your seal breaking, if I'm honest."
"Why?" I ask curiously. I thought he'd want this too.
He looks back up at me, but his eyes are glassy now, teetering on the edge with tears.
"The first time I showed you what I was, I did it fully prepared for it to change you. I did it, completely convinced that you might actually kill me. You didn't and I had never felt more relieved in my existence to be allowed to remain living."
He pauses, taking my hand away from his chest to hold in both of his, and I wait patiently for him to continue. "Your transformation has been a privilege to watch. I am beyond proud of you and I never thought I could love someone or something as much as I do you. Much less an angel. I see you grow into what you are every day and I can feel how close you are now to reaching that milestone. Your dreams of late concern me greatly; but even if they come to pass - what I fear most as well is what will you do to me when your instincts take over? With no seal to hold you back, to block that desire to rid the world of my sin, will you kill me then? I want to see you fly Yugi. I want to see you burn as brightly as the sun and I want to feel your radiance - but I am afraid it will also be the last time I will feel you."
He sobs then and on instinct I pull him close. I climb into his lap and drag his head to my chest where I can hold him. He holds me tightly, crying softly and I try to soothe him.
I feel his pain and he wears his fear so close to the surface, and I understand. He took the biggest step of his life exposing himself to me that first time, but my instincts, my knowledge, all of what I am was sleeping. He's afraid that when I awaken into what I am, then I will forget him and he will become nothing more than another demon to kill.
"Atem." I say softly, kissing his head. He squeezes me tightly and I rest my cheek upon his head. "I will never hurt you. Even should my seal break and I differ to what I am now, I will never hurt you. You are my mate, my love, my soulmate. You are mine to cherish and hold and without you… I don't want to imagine what a life without you would be like. I can't. I love you so much, I would never, ever, hurt you. I will die before I ever endanger you." He sobs harder and I realise that might not have been the best thing to say.
"Look at me. Look at me please." I say softly. It takes some encouragement but he sniffs and pushes off me. I wipe his tears away and rub the redness from his cheeks. He smiles shyly and blinks his tears away.
"I vow to you, I give you my word on every ounce of grace within my form, with my entire heart - I will never hurt you. You and I will fly together one day in harmony, and we will spend every day of forever by one anothers side. I am your light and you are my love, and we will never forget that."