We were in the car on our way back to the Agartha portal. We had just visited Aaron and Lucas, who was getting bigger every time we saw him. As always, Loki had spoiled him rotten.
"I remember when his bedroom was farm animal themed," I grinned. "You can barely see the wallpaper now!"
"You say that as if it's bad a thing. Everyone can use a bit more Loki in their lives," Loki grinned back from behind his sunglasses. It was early spring and the sun was shining bright but low.
"When he gets his teenage rebellious phase he'll replace them all with posters of Superman," I predicted.
"Or even worse, just Clark Kent," Loki laughed.
It was nice to have some time with just the two of us. Loki had been busy with the hold, and I had slowly been getting some jobs from the Templars again.
It was mainly little things, a bit beneath someone with my powers according to Loki even if I never quite saw it that way, but it was obvious they didn't trust us as much as they used to. Thor and I easily dealt with them by ourselves. In all honesty, I didn't even need Thor, but it got him out of the house and gave him a sense of purpose.

"There has been something on my mind recently, and while it is just the two of us this may be a good time to talk," Loki said suddenly.
I wondered if it had something to do with the message Sif had left for Thor, but Loki meant something quite different.
"We've been slowly clearing out the rooms in Jotunnhold. And while we aren't discovering much of interest with regard to what happened there on the day I was born, it is becoming more and more obvious that part of the hold was caved in on purpose.
The hold itself is structurally sound, has its own source of energy and water and while old, the security system is still perfectly functional."
I eyed him curiously, I was wondering where he was going with all this.
"It wouldn't take much to make it habitable."
"Wait what?" I asked in surprise, "habitable by whom?"
"Us," Loki said, "our family."
"You can't be serious…" I hadn't even considered the thought before.
"Oh, but I am. I am very serious." Loki pulled the car over and took off his sunglasses.
"But I love our cottage, I thought you did too…" The thought of having to leave our wonderful little home brought a lump to my throat.
"I do love it, I love it dearly.
It is where we shared our first kiss, where I first caught a glimpse of how wonderful life with you and Jessie could be.
Where I spent the first night in your arms, and my whole life changed forever. It is where we lived, loved, laughed and cried together.
It is where I felt at home for the first time in my life. There is no place in the realms I hold more dear," Loki reassured me.
"Then why would you want us to move to that cold and big tomb in the middle of nowhere?"
"Because we aren't safe at our cottage anymore, I can't keep us all safe there.
We are powerful and we are making our mark on this world, and with it comes the attention of powerful enemies, both old and new.
We were lucky our wedding night wasn't interrupted by a Templar SWAT team coming through the windows."
"But we talked to the Templars, it's all okay now!"
"Is it? Is it, truly? Do you trust they won't come after us again the next time we set a foot wrong in their eyes?
And it is not just them, darling. We have made some powerful enemies along the way. Halja and her mother Hel, the Phoenicians, to just mention a few. I have made plenty of enemies in the past who must be aware of our marriage, gossip spreads quickly in the Secret World.
And now it is clear that we are without the full backing of the Templars and of Asgard, we might seem easy prey to some."
"Then let them come and see what happens when they try to hurt a hair on the head of those I love," I said fiercely.
"And what if they come when we are not at home, what if they come when Jessie is all alone? What if they threatened to hurt her or if they took her?
We both gladly would put a collar around our own necks if it meant ensuring her safety, and you know it."
My jaw set stubbornly. I knew Loki was right, but our home meant the world to me, and I felt that abandoning it would be letting our enemies win.
"Don't see it as retreating," Loki knew me well enough that he didn't need to read my mind to know what I was thinking.
"See it as being one step ahead of our enemies. Once the hold is set up properly it will be the most secure place on Midgard, no one will be able to touch us there."
"But it's so big and cold and horrible," I argued.
"Then we change it, we make it our own!
I'm certain I can work out how to convert the energy source. We'll have electricity, we'll have running water.
We'll install plumbing and a central heating system that keeps the whole place so toasty you'll never feel like you'll have to sleep with socks on again! We'll have a huge fireplace!
We'll have a kitchen that will be the envy of every cook on Midgard, a bathroom with a bath so big you could swim in it, a bedroom with a fourposter bed so big and sturdy even I won't be able to break it, a library with bookcases lining the walls from the ceiling to the floor, a music room big enough for all our instruments and an audience to boot!"
Loki's eyes lit up with enthusiasm as he painted a picture of the home he would build for us there.
"We'll break down some walls and build rooms that are more suitable for our size in the resulting space!
We'll build some guest rooms and a room for Thor. It will be glorious!"
"How would we afford all that?"
"I'll cash in another alias! I own a vineyard in Italy, it should fetch a good price. And Cedric and I aren't doing badly with our business, I'll make it work!"
It was hard not to get swept up in Loki's enthusiasm. For every problem I brought up, he had already worked out a solution.
"You have planned this all out, haven't you?" I asked suspiciously.
"I may have given it some thought before bringing it up, yes," Loki admitted. "There was no use discussing it if it wasn't feasible."
"And our cottage?"
"We'll keep it for now. We don't need the money and it gives us a valid address for official purposes."
He smiled a lopsided smile.
"It's a good idea though, isn't it? You, me, our family?
A place that is safe and completely our own? Where we can be ourselves and where no one can touch us?
Come on, say yes, you know it is a brilliant idea!"

I didn't agree right away, but there really wasn't an argument Loki didn't have an answer to, a problem he hadn't already solved.
And I remembered the awful feeling I had on the day after our wedding when I heard Jessie's key in the door and readied my magic before thinking. I hated feeling so unsafe in my own home. The thought that someone could enter and hurt my family, hurt Jessie, was more than I could bear. I would protect them at all cost, and if that meant moving to the hold, so be it.
I realised Loki must have felt the same, that he had been looking for a way to keep us safe from that day, that he had worried and planned and plotted until he had a rock-solid solution before even bringing it up. That brilliant mind of his never ceased to amaze me, and I loved him all the more for it.
Eventually, I ran out of arguments, and Loki smiled a triumphant smile; he knew he had won.

It was harder to convince Jessie.
When she and I had moved from our rented accommodation to our own cottage a few years ago it had taken her almost a year to come to terms with the changes, but in the end, she had come to love our own home as dearly as I did. Her life had changed so much in the last year and the road to becoming a real family had been rocky, and it hadn't been without its toll. Moving home, now things were finally happy and calm, turned out to be too much to ask from a high functioning neurodivergent, especially since I had downplayed the dangers of staying where we were as not to frighten Jess.
Jessie was angry and upset, and despite talking to her for hours there was no way I could see without scaring her that moving was a good thing.
It was Loki who came up with a solution that calmed her down in the end; we would recreate her bedroom exactly the same in the hold so at least her own room would be completely familiar to her. She wasn't happy, but at least Jessie was willing to move with us.

The next few weeks saw Jotunnhold buzzing with activity; the rooms that were declared safe were converted into human-sized living quarters with electricity, full plumbing and central heating by retired army friends of Matt's who were now in the construction business. They had signed all the appropriate NDAs, of course, and once they had solved the logistics of getting building materials to the hold via Agartha and helicopter, they could start construction.
Loki's days were fully occupied with both endeavours, bounding from room to room with seemingly limitless energy, making sure everything was happening according to his plans and designs.
In the evenings we spent our time together deciding on a colour scheme and picking out furniture.
Our new home was to be light and airy despite the lack of windows, warm and cosy despite the cold outside.
Loki spared no expenses, never satisfied with anything less than perfection. I had a suspicion we were spending far more than we had, even with Loki selling the vineyard, but Loki was tightlipped and evasive whenever I asked. In the end, I simply decided to trust him. However he was paying for all of this, he wouldn't endanger our family, and sometimes with Loki, it was better not to know.

In the meantime, Doc Lee's team was still excavating deeper into the hold. They had set up temporary quarters in one of the empty rooms as well.
I was at home trying to make a start with packing up the belongings we wouldn't need in the immediate future when my phone rang.
"This is Doc Lee. We finally broke through the last of the rubble, and what we found in the last rooms has rather upset your husband.
I won't investigate what he has found without permission and I am hesitant to approach him at this moment.
You may wish to make your way here."

Doc Lee was waiting for me at the entrance of the hold, as always calm and collected.
"We may have found the remains of the one responsible for the demise of your father-in-law and his soldiers.
There was a bottle containing a similar poison as on the dagger we found, and a tablet with what I presume was a note.
Your husband read the note, but as yet has been unavailable to answer any questions."
"Where is he?"
"He's in the armoury, when I tried to enter he threw one of his daggers at me. It barely missed." doc Lee said dryly.
"He likes you," I said with a grin, "Loki doesn't miss unless it's on purpose."

Loki was in the armoury, which doubled as a training room.
He was in his Jotunn form, his father's circlet perched on his brow.
He must have activated a training protocol because frost golem after frost golem spawned in the training area, while Loki destroyed them one by one with his daggers and blasts of pure magic.
I watched him for a moment. Even with his face contorted in anger, he was beautiful, moving with the elegance and feline grace of a predator.
It didn't seem like Loki was in the mood for talking, so I decided to join in instead.
A fireball came flying past him, melting a hole in the next frost golem.
He swiftly turned, his hair flying around his face as he eyed me with annoyance.
"Hey!"
I activated my necklace. If it was a fight he needed, I could at least provide him with a challenge.
"Why not pick on someone your own size," I grinned.
Loki tilted his head for a second as if considering, then smiled a mirthless grin as one of his daggers flew towards me. I was just in time conjuring a shield of ice in front of me to protect me.
I had sparred with Thor on regular occasions, but Loki and I had always avoided sparring alone, perhaps because the few times we had gone toe to toe it had been in proper combat, not just for practice.
I was stronger than Loki, but he was faster.
Loki was smarter, but I was familiar with every one of his moves.
We were evenly matched.
After a while, we were both suffering from multiple cuts and bruises, neither of us willing to back down or hold back.
Loki went sliding back and smacked against the wall as a blast of icy wind hit him at the same time one of his daggers struck me in my shoulder.
We looked at each other for a moment, after which Loki slowly lowered his remaining dagger.
"Perhaps now would be a good time to call it even, before one of us really gets hurt?" he asked breathlessly.
"Might be a good idea," I admitted, feeling just as winded as Loki looked. I deactivated the necklace and summoned a globe of blood to heal us both.
Loki nodded, shifted back, and allowed me to heal him.

"Are you ready to talk about what you've found now?" I asked.
"How about we simply agree that life is a bitch and the world an awful place and skip the tête-à-tête for a change?" Loki asked hopefully.
"You know you are going to tell me eventually, you might as well get it over and done with," I persuaded him while trying not to smile.
"You are truly relentless, aren't you?" Loki grumbled.
"It has been said before, and probably will be said again," I grinned.
Loki grinned back despite himself.
"There's no way you are going to let me quietly brood all by myself?"
"Not a chance, and you know it."
"I do look gorgeous when I'm brooding."
I snort-laughed. He was right, but I wasn't going to admit it.

Loki sat down on one of the steps leading to the training area and ran his hands through his hair. His face turned serious.
"We found the person responsible for the death of my father and his soldiers," he finally said.
I sat down next to him and nodded.
"He left a suicide note.
His plan was to kill my father and his most loyal warriors, not the complete annihilation of the Jotunn race.
When he returned to Jotunnheim and found nothing but death and destruction he came back here, caused the collapse and took the poison himself."
"Who was he? Why did he do it?"
"He was my uncle."
"Your uncle? Your father's brother?"
"My mother's older brother. As for why?" Loki smiled humourlessly. "Well, isn't that just a tale that practically writes itself? It's the tale of my life after all."
His blue eyes met mine, looking tired and old, all thousand years of pain and loss and hardship written in them as clear as day. I took his hand into mine and gave it a squeeze.
"His note was a rambling, guilt-ridden, self-pitying mess. I think I got the gist of it, but there were journals too. Perhaps if I read those I might get some clearer answers."
He gave my hand a squeeze back, then lifted it to his mouth and kissed my fingers.
"But I suppose I don't have to do that here.
Let's get them and go home, I've had my fill of this place for today."

Together we walked into the room where his uncle's remains were found. Doc Lee was waiting outside, eying Loki apprehensively.
"No more daggers, see, my hands are empty," Loki spread out his hands to show the Doc he was unarmed. It was the closest Doc Lee would get to an apology.
Loki grabbed the tablets that were scattered around without giving his uncle's remains a glance.
He stalked out of the room on his long legs, I had to run to keep up with him. A few steps down the hallway he stopped and turned around.
"Oh, and take the remains, Doc. Do whatever you wish with them. Test them, burn them, use them to build a playhouse for your children, I care not. Just get them out of here before I return."
Doc Lee nodded. "May I at least ask what his name was, for cataloguing purposes?"
"No, you may not. He doesn't deserve to have his name remembered.
He may go down in history as the one who orchestrated the downfall of our people and the death of my parents, but he shall remain nameless, an honourless cretin, and I'll be damned if I give him more than that!"

Loki spent most of the night pouring over his uncle's journals. I tried to stay up with him, not wanting to leave him alone.
I knew that whatever he was reading, it couldn't be easy even if it meant finding the last pieces of the puzzle that told the sordid tale of the day of his birth.
I must have dozed off because I awoke as the sun was beginning to rise, curled up on the sofa covered with a blanket Loki must have put over me as I slept.
Loki himself was sitting in his favourite armchair holding a journal in his hand, but instead of reading it his eyes stared unseeing in the distance.
He startled as I sat up, seemingly he had forgotten I was there.
"Did you find anything?" I asked as I stifled a jawn.
Loki nodded and tiredly rubbed his eyes.
"I think I can paint a picture now of what happened the day I was born.
Do you believe in karma?" he asked.
"I suppose," I frowned, "I believe that being nice to others will eventually come back to you, just as being bad will come back to haunt you in the end. Why?"
"Because if that is true then my story is the biggest example of the universe punishing me for my misdeeds with events that were set in motion centuries before I was born.
I am karma's biggest joke and destiny is laughing at my expense," Loki said bitterly.
"I don't think it quite works that way," I said, immediately regretting the words I said seconds ago. "And whatever you have done, no one deserves what you have been through, let alone a newborn child."
"Perhaps not," Loki agreed, "but if the whole story isn't a form of poetic justice for all the times I have tried to kill and betray Thor, the universe is even more without rhyme or reason than I always assumed it was."
"What happened, love? What happened on the day you were born and lost everything?"
Loki shook his head.
"The story starts long before that.
For a long time, my uncle was an only child. It wasn't until late in life that my grandmother gave finally gave birth to a daughter, Laufey. Heir to the throne of Jotunnheim.
Up till then, it had been assumed my uncle's wife would be the one to rule Jotunnheim, and he had picked his wife accordingly; pliable and easy to manipulate into obeying my uncle's every whim.
But with the birth of Laufey, he lost his bid for power. Grandmother died when Mother was still young, and for a while my uncle was her guardian and advisor, practically ruling in her stead.
He was an ambitious man, but not half as cunning and as clever as he thought himself to be. More often than not even his best-laid plans would fail, and he lost more battles than he'd won.
That was until a young soldier started rising through the ranks of the army. Fierce and brilliant, cunning and clever, charismatic and a creative thinker who was willing to take risks, he lead his men to victory over and over again."
"Your father, Fárbauti," I realised.
Loki nodded.
"My uncle, seizing the opportunity, promoted him to be his right-hand man. For a while, he claimed every victory as his own, but the people soon came to realise it was truly Fárbauti who was behind their success.
My uncle became jealous of how well-liked and admired Fárbauti was, but he could not rid himself of Father without losing face.
Eventually, inspiration struck. What if he didn't demote or banish Fárbauti, but promote him instead?"
"How would that help your uncle?" I asked curiously, as always finding myself completely engrossed in Loki's tale.
"Because he promoted Fárbauti beyond the army, thus gaining control over his own forces back.
He promoted Fárbauti to head of the Queen's personal guard. A prestigious position, but with very little true power.
It was to be his biggest mistake.
Mother was of the right age to take an interest in men, and Father was clever and charming, witty and passionate.
And like lightning striking leaves in the forest, their love burned sudden and bright, giving birth to a wildfire."
I smiled at the poetic picture he was painting. I knew Fárbauti meant 'dangerous striker', Laufey meant "foliage' or 'leaves' and Loki's own name was at times associated with the Old Norse word 'logi', meaning 'flame'. He was referring not only to his parents' whirlwind romance, but to the creation of their family.

"When my mother took my father for her consort, my uncle lost his position as general of the Jotunn armies.
Soon Mother fell pregnant, and she and Father were so delighted my uncle presumed the child had to be a girl. Once born, my uncle would lose all chance of ever ruling Jotunnheim.
If he was to get rid of Mother and Father and resume what he felt was his rightful position, it had to be before this new heir was born."
Loki stopped for a second and rubbed his brow.
"It was he who approached Odin, with a plan that was sure to be agreeable to both.
With Odin's aid, my uncle would feign an attack on Jotunnhold. It was Jotunnheim's only foothold on Midgard, and my father would be sure to defend it, taking his most loyal soldiers.
While Fárbauti and his men were gone, Odin was to attack Jotunnheim and kill Laufey. My uncle would make sure the gates were open, making Odin's assault on Jotunnheim as bloodless as possible.
My uncle was to kill Fárbauti and the men loyal to him once they returned to Jotunnhold, ensuring only Jotunn would be loyal to my uncle would remain after Laufey's death.
Afterwards, the throne would be my uncle's, he would sign a pact with Odin to not expand beyond their own realm and in return Asgard would not attack Jotunnheim again, making my uncle the saviour of his people, and everyone would be happy.
Little did my uncle know about the agreement Odin had with Hel, and the massacre that took place on Jotunnheim while he murdered my father and his own soldiers."
"But that is horrible!" I proclaimed. "Why would Odin agree to that? And why would he still need Hel?"
"Odin didn't know Laufey was pregnant. It is also likely he didn't trust either of his co-conspirators, expecting each of them to turn on him and his Einherjar at any moment.
The presence of Hel's forces would have assured a sizable force in case my uncle was luring Odin into a trap, and if my uncle was true to his word this way would have led to the least bloodshed from Odin's men, and the least amount of Asgardian souls lost to Hel during the strike on Jotunnheim.
I can only presume Odin wouldn't have trusted my uncle to form a pact after Mother was killed, after all, who would trust a traitor?
But between the loss of her armies, her husband and learning her own brother betrayed her, my mother would have had no choice but to submit to Odin.
As we now know, however, that did not work out the way Odin had hoped, because Laufey was willing to fight to the death to protect her newborn child."
"So they were all planning to betray each other?" I couldn't even begin to understand how people could do that to each other.
Loki's eyes met mine, his eyes haunted and sad.
"Everything that happened, the whole course of my life was determined by lies, deceit, jealousy and betrayal. So tell me, how was I supposed to have turned out anything different than I am right now?
How was I ever supposed to have stood a chance, when everything I should have had, everything I should have been, everything good in my life was taken away through plans that were conceived before I even drew my first breath?
It is my fate, it is my destiny, it is in my blood!
I will always be a liar, a deceiver, a weak-willed, jealous, miserable charlatan just like my uncle was!"
Loki could barely look at me; pain and anguish were clear in his voice, his face, his eyes.
I ran my fingers past his cheekbones and gently cradled his face in my hands.
"You told me once that you have a saying in Asgard; 'keep walking the same path and you will keep arriving at the same destination'.
You don't have to walk your uncle's path. You are not him. You can make your own choices, better choices!
You know where giving in to the anger, the jealousy, the hatred and the self-loathing leads, you've been there and you don't ever want to go there again.
Walk a different path, Loki. Walk it together. Walk it with me.
You are not alone anymore, you haven't been for quite some time.
And you have been walking a different path, just look at where it has led you so far! Hasn't it been wonderful, isn't our life together amazing?"
Loki's eyes met mine, a small smile breaking through on his face.
"It has been, and it is truly amazing."
The smile disappeared again, the same way the sun disappears behind the clouds.
"But what if I can't leave the past behind?
It haunts me, it chases me. It will come to find me. Everything I have done, everything I've been, it will catch up with me in the end.
I wish I could protect you from that, I really wish I could."
"What is coming for us Loki, what is it that you fear so much?"
Loki closed his eyes and shook his head mutely.
I knew he wasn't going to tell me, that he was afraid of what I would say or think. Afraid I'd love him less.
"Whatever it is, we'll fight it together," I reassured him, "side by side. We've worked too hard and we've come too far. I'll be damned if I let you get dragged back into the dark!"