Prompt: Tears

They fell into a sort of routine easily.

In the morning, Phil would give Techno food in the aquarium. He'd often eat at his desk himself, so he could keep the mermaid company and because nobody else was awake yet. When they were done, he asked Techno if he wanted to go to the pond.

The answer seemed to be dependent on the weather. If the sun was out, Techno usually went into the pond. When it was cold or raining, he stayed inside. Even if he did go in his pond during the day, when night fell Phil would bring Techno into the house and they all had dinner together. They shared stories about their days while they cooked and then ate. It was domestic, calm in a much simpler way than the past weeks had been. Phil could walk around better and he was less plagued by constant pains - which used to mean he would return to his job of traveling in search of trinkets and other valuable items to sell. But they had enough money saved up to get by for a while, he saw no rush to return to chaos when peace felt so hard to come by recently.

Techno was pretty much in the best health he could possibly hope for.

He was certainly not as frail as he used to be, putting on weight because of the proper three meals a day. Phil even felt like he'd become a bit bigger in general. He couldn't carry Techno around in one hand as easily anymore. With how little information was available on his species, it was impossible to know if starvation and abuse had left Techno permanently stunted in terms of growth and it was unlikely he'd ever find out, but the progress still made Phil happy.

There were some other marks that definitely would remain forever. The scars along Techno's side had faded a little and he swam more easily, though they'd never fully go away. Phil didn't ask about Techno's stamina but since he had seen firsthand that the mermaid slept less during the day he was confident in saying that had improved as well even if it'd never return to what it should be.

It was stupid, yet Phil couldn't help but feel a little proud of himself.

He'd always been told he was a stubborn bastard, something that had rung in his ears as a compliment despite not being intended as such. When he set out to accomplish whatever had caught his interest, he didn't often stop to wonder if it was achievable. He just went for it, odds be damned.

He wanted to be able to say that when he bought Techno, he did not doubt if the action would be a fruitless endeavor.

Phil wished he could say that he knew from the start that Techno would turn out fine.

But that wasn't the case. Uncertainty had fallen over him so many times in so many ways over the past months. Phil had stayed awake in bed and wondered if he'd get up come morning to the mermaid having died multiple nights in those first three days alone.

And the thing was, Phil had failed before. He had set out on pursuits that had blown up in his face plenty of times. Sometimes he wasn't even the only one who suffered for it. Sometimes, people had gotten caught in the crossfire of his bad decisions - that was simply part of being human.

(He'd gotten so much less reckless after Wilbur and Tommy entered his life. Everything they said about fatherhood and how it tempered even the wildest of fires was probably true, Phil could admit. One doesn't gamble as easily with others on the line.)

His choices had never had to carry the weight of a life.

If Techno had died, Phil might not have had the blood on his hands, but he would have felt the burden of it in his soul forever.

Maybe Phil had not realized the pressure that was put on him until one afternoon. He was tending to the vegetable garden, pulling out the weeds. His hands were stained with dirt and his shirt clung to his back soaked with sweat. It was hard work, but his arm didn't hurt anymore and the tilling of the earth grounded him somehow. It made him feel alive with it, happy.

Wilbur's music was keeping him company.

When Phil looked over, Wilbur smiled at him. He was sitting under the shade of a tree to get away from the sun's heat, playing his guitar. The sound was undercut only slightly by Tommy reading to Technoblade, lying on his stomach in the grass next to the pond. Phil couldn't actually see the mermaid from his kneeling position, but he knew Techno would be there, floating on his back on the surface or perhaps lounging on one of the lilies' leaves with his tail draped into the water.

It was then that it struck Phil that they had all made it out alive. He had done what he set out to do and given Techno his life back.

At the moment he simply smiled to himself, the warmth in his chest not too alienating from the sun on his skin as he continued working the garden. But the scene kept coming back to him, even long after night had fallen. When he was alone in his room, it broke him.

He cried, and he had no idea what he was actually crying for.

Relief, probably. Mostly relief.

But there was also this trace of lingering dread he couldn't quite name until the next day. When he came downstairs and saw Techno was already up and about, rearranging pebbles across his aquarium. Phil knew then he was coming to terms with the fact that if Techno was truly better, it was also time for him to leave.

The big river Phil thought would be a good place for Techo to live was about half a day's walk. Phil knew there was a possibility for them to still see each other. Though Techno probably shouldn't stick too close to where the people from the village often went to draw water or play. That'd be too dangerous. And it'd be really hard to communicate, considering Techno didn't have a communicator to reach him on.

They could make it work though? They'd have to make it work.

The alternative was they'd never see each other again and… well, Phil didn't want to think about that. Because they would make it work.

"Good morning."

"Mornin'" Techno said after swimming up to greet him. He was smiling a little bit. "Your hair looks terrible, man."

Phil reached up to smooth down some of the frizzy mess. "Yeah, well, some of us can't have lucky magic genes."

By reasonable logic, Techno should look like a drowned cat at all times. Or his hair should be drenched and sticking to his face at least. Phil had pondered on it and come to the conclusion that it was probably water-repellant because of some weird biology trick.

"Did you sleep badly?" Techno asked, interpreting Phil's messed up hair for him lying awake tossing and turning a lot.

"Kinda," he said. "I had some stuff on my mind."

"Like what?"

Phil swallowed but steeled his resolve. He couldn't keep beating around the bush forever. "It's probably time for you to return to the river, isn't it mate?"

Techno's face noticeably fell. "Oh…" he said, but then just remained quiet.

Unable to read that expression, Phil frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Techno answered quickly before diving under again. But it was a lot harder for him to hide in the aquarium compared to the pond.

"Do you still feel sick? Does anything still hurt?" Phil prodded. Techno had demonstrated in the past he had a concerning lack of self-preservation. Phil wasn't sure he could entirely take the mermaid's word for it when he said he was better.

Techno didn't answer anyway. Phil sighed.

"I'm going to make us breakfast."

As soon as he was around the corner and out of sight, Phil rubbed a hand down his face.

Fuck, why would he do this to himself?

Phil wasn't an idiot, he could tell there was something holding Techno back from reacting enthusiastically to his impending freedom. But whatever it was, it most likely had something to do with Techno's past and the trauma he had as a result of it.

So for Phil to try and project his own feelings on that, for him to want to grasp onto any sign of reluctance on Techno's part and use it as fuel for his own desire to have him stay. It was inherently selfish of Phil to do that. It was terrible of him.

More than anything else, Techno needed his support right now. And not for him to act only in his own interests.

No matter how much it would pain Phil to watch Techno leave.

If nothing else, he could pretend to be just as happy for Techno to be able to get his normal life back as Techno himself should be but probably was scared to express because of his past. Anything less would make Phil a bad friend.

"I think I got a spot that will work," he told Techno while they ate. "We could go check it out later? See if it'll work for you?"

Techno didn't look at him. "Sure," he said, sounding disinterested. The gills on his throat flared out at the same time that his shoulders hitched, but he had his back toward Phil.

(Phil wondered what it would look like for a mermaid to cry underwater. You would be able to tell by their breathing more than by their tears... He shook the thought again before he could indulge in it. Wishful thinking would do neither of them any good.)