Meredith
"What's wrong? What's happening?" I say stepping into my bridesmaid gown, "What can I do?"
"What can you do? What can you do?" she chuckles like a maniac, "What… That… That is amazing. That is an amazing question. What can you do?"
"Amelia," I start.
She cuts me off, "Meredith, I am flipping out here. I'm wearing a wedding gown. There is a good and decent man in there who loves me and is expecting to marry me, and I can't tell if I am marrying him because I love him back or because I just ran here and picked up a scalpel and slipped into this Shepherd skin. And maybe it is right, and maybe it's not, but I don't know, and I am marrying Cristina's husband. I know what you think about that. And I don't know what I'm doing. And there is no one here with me. There is no one here to tell me to quit or get me down the aisle or j… help me. That is Derek's job, and Derek is dead. And Addison is out there handling all the last minute changes for the reception but it's not like she can help me anyway because she has a perfect life with a perfect husband and perfect kids. And all I have is Maggie, and Maggie is full of sunshine and candy and hope, and every time I try to tell her that the world is on fire, she hands me a marshmallow to roast, so that just leaves you. And you… you are rooting for the other guy. You told me to go and be with Owen, and then you turned on me, and now you are not on my side. And we both know you don't like me, but you are stuck with me. So here I am in a wedding gown on the happiest freaking day of my life in a room with no family and no help and no one on my side but you. So what can you do for me? What can you do for me, Meredith?"
Earlier this morning…
"I'm getting married today!" a super elated Amelia runs through the house tripping over just about everything and banging on all the doors. I'm pretty sure she woke everybody in the house.
I sit up groggily with the same clothes from yesterday still on and a raging headache. I can't believe I even woke up considering how much liquor I drank last night… and here Amelia is, delighted, carefree and running through the house… I wish this day could be over already.
Once everyone was up, cleaned and dressed, we decided to go out for breakfast. I'm pretty sure I could eat just about everything on the menu but to be careful, I order anything that has to do with bread to help rid me of my hangover. I look over at Addison and she looks like she came straight out of a magazine… How could she have woke up like that? I'm pretty sure she had more to drink than I did because she kept losing the drinking game… And I know I don't look anywhere near as perfect as she does. I bet I even I look worse than I feel… I hate Addison.
"Mama," Ellis says bringing me out of my thoughts and I realize a whole conversation was going on around me.
I pick her up out of her highchair where there's literally a piece of everything she ate hanging off her dress, the highchair and all over the floor, "Yes, my baby?"
"Mama," she says as she runs her messy hands through my hair and I pout. I was going to have to wash it anyway…
The morning was going by swiftly. It wasn't until we got home from breakfast, that everything started to go downhill. It started to rain while we were out and Addison, being the maid of honor, had to run over to the park where the reception was going to be held and have everything moved to another location indoors. I didn't think that could happen so last minute without already having a back-up place but I guess when you have enough money anything could happen.
I still haven't talked to her about overhearing Henry talk to Zola about his dad dying in the car yesterday but… I don't know if I'm even going to. It's not my place and she hasn't told anyone… not even Amelia so why would she want me out of all people to know? It's just… for some reason I can't get Addison out of my mind. Ugh, I just wish she would go back to L.A. already. She didn't even cross my mind for years until the other day when Amelia asked me if I could pick Addison and her family up from the airport because she had an emergency surgery. It was then, walking out of the airport still leggy and fabulous just like the first time I met her that all these thoughts started coming back…
And now she has these four amazing little kids… they're so freaking adorable and get along so well with Zola, Bailey and Ellis… And they're all pristine and educated… Little Henry loves to read… And Pa―Before I could finish that thought, I hear Amelia yelling, "Mom. Mom! Mother! I know I was engaged before. I was there… No. I am sober."
"Because we love each other," she says after a pause. I can hear her voice is breaking, "Because we didn't see a reason to wait. Because people get hit by cars. We've been together for a year."
I walk up to the bathroom door where Maggie is standing outside and I see that Amelia's on the phone, "Yes, we broke up, and then we… So what if it has been off and on?"
"Oh, hey," I say once I reach Maggie.
She holds her finger up to her mouth, "Shh, shh. Shh."
"What?" I question.
Amelia's still talking, "I don't know, Mom…"
"Amelia's mom," Maggie finally answers, "No one in the family is coming to the wedding."
"...ex-daughter-in-law. What? …and ask her permission to live my life," she says crying. "Because I do. I'm alone. If you don't come, it is just me. Mom. Mommy, please, I am getting married."
"That's ridiculous," is all I get to say before I'm cut off by Amelia's screaming again.
"Fine. Yeah, no. Um… okay. I understand," she sighs, "Yeah, it's so good to know that all of the best people in this family are dead."
She hangs up the phone and Maggie tries to go in to make sure she's okay but she closes the door on her and locks it.
"Amelia," I call out through the closed door, "You don't have to go through this alone."
"We're here for you," Maggie chimes in. We get no answer from Amelia and Maggie turns to me, "What do we do?"
"Call Addison," I say after a short pause.
When Maggie returns from the phone call, she sits down beside me on the floor outside the bathroom hallway where I've been trying to talk Amelia out for the past ten minutes. She hasn't said a word back to me.
Maggie looks over to me, "I don't feel good about how quiet it is in there."
"She's fine. You have no idea how many people have locked themselves in that bathroom. They're always fine," I say remembering all the times where either Izzie, Cristina, George or even Alex would lock themselves in the bathroom. I still can't believe it's just me and Alex now.
Maggie shakes her head, "I am serious, Mer. I'm worried about her. This is her wedding day. It's supposed to be the happiest day of her life, the... the magic day, the love day," she says then shouts through the door, "Amelia, we're here for you, okay? As long as it takes."
"20 more minutes and I'm ripping the door off the hinges! Amelia, stuff your feelings in!" I shout in response then I look over to a stunned Maggie, "What? It's not my love day. I have things to do. Okay?"
About five minutes later, I hear footsteps belonging to none other than the redhead that I haven't been able to get out of my mind all morning. She strolls down the hallway and honestly, I just watch her long toned legs. She reaches us and asks, "Where is she?"
"Oh, thank God," Maggie says pointing to the door.
"Amelia, open the door. Amelia? It doesn't matter. If they don't want to be here, then... they shouldn't be. We don't want them here. They don't get it, and they don't have to. I do. I've only been here three days and I can clearly see how much love you two have for each other. And I'll be there. And I'm sure that Owen doesn't care if they show up. The only one he wants there is you," she says as the door cracks open and Addison steps inside, "Owen is deeply in love with you and I know you haven't been in a relationship like this before… you're usually with bad boys or guys that don't understand you but Owen is a good person and he's good for you. I haven't seen you smile like this in a long time… I'm grateful to Owen for that… And you're good for him too, Amelia. From what I've heard and witnessed is that you bring out the best in each other. If the rest of the family doesn't want to share this amazing day with you, then fuck them. Okay? Just get out there and marry Owen. He's waiting for you at the church."
It's quiet for a moment before the door opens again and both Addison and Amelia stepped out of the bathroom. Addison hugs Amelia one more time before she sends her on, "Okay now go get your things so we can head over to the chapel."
"You're so insightful and reliable… You just swooped in and saved the day. Thank God you were here in Seattle and not in L.A.," Maggie says as she goes to her room, I guess, to gather her things leaving me alone in the hallway with Addison.
I nervously look around for a second before speaking up, "I, uh, I have to go to the hospital and check on a few things then I'll be right there."
"Okay, I'll take the kids over," she smiles walking away in the same direction as Maggie.
Meanwhile, I grab my things and hop in my car making my way to the hospital. I don't know why she makes me so nervous. She's no longer Derek's wife… I'm not intimidated by her. I don't actually hate her… even though I'm pretty sure she hates me…
I can't help but go back to that night… eleven years ago, we threw a prom for Richard's niece… I slept with Derek although I knew he had a wife… I mean, she was there all tall, gorgeous, graceful and put-together as always, whereas you have me… And I look like, the complete opposite. I wasn't graceful… I didn't have my life together or even know who I really was… I was childish… Yet he couldn't keep his eyes off me… I knew it was wrong but I slept with him anyway and Addison found out because I lost my panties… Derek found them and put them in his coat pocket which she washed. She found them and pinned them to the news board at the hospital the next day… What makes it even worse is that she asked me a couple of days before, had I slept with him… I told her I hadn't since I found out he was married and it was true… Then I went back and screwed her over completely… She probably hasn't forgiven me for that… I wouldn't forgive me for that.
I pull up at the hospital, park and run inside. I need to make this a quick in and out so I can make it to the chapel in time. I round on my patients and I see that a couple of them are ready to be discharged. I fill out the necessary paperwork then I run upstairs to check on some labs. On my way out, my resident asks me to look at these scans for her so I step into the nearest viewing room to have a better look.
I wonder if Addison still remembers that? I'm sure she wouldn't just forget… You know, I'm just going to apologize. That's what I'll do. I collect the scans off the board and find my resident to let her know of my thoughts before I head out for the church. I rush to the chapel and grab all of my things out of the car as I run inside. I'm late. I should've been here thirty minutes ago.
Walking into the chapel and into the back room, I come across Owen who's still getting into his tuxedo. I smile at him, "Hey."
He looks up from trying to get on his cufflinks, "Hey. Uh, Amelia's next door. You can go through there if you want."
"Here," I say stepping up to him and taking one of the cuff-links in my hand.
He smiles, "Thanks."
"Big day today," I say and he chuckles, "Big step."
"Mm-hmm. Really big step," he says as the thunder rumbles, "Meredith, why do you have a problem with me marrying your sister?"
"I don't, but I'm responsible. I mean, he left her to me, and she left you to me," I say as I finish buttoning the cuff-links. Okay, so maybe I am kind of iffy about he and Amelia marrying… I don't really know why… I know I said it was because she was trying to replace my husband and best friend but that was just too childish… I just… I don't know.
He sighs walking away, "I'm not a piece of property for Cristina to just hand over for safekeeping."
"I haven't told her. Does she know?" I ask him.
He shakes his head, "No."
"Don't you think you should call her and tell her before you do this?" I ask.
He scoffs, "Why would I do that?"
"She was the love of your life," I pause, "If it were me, I would've called Derek… I don't know… just to see if it came close to what we had."
"Well, I'm not you. I'm not calling her," he pauses as though he's lost in thought, "And what Amelia and I have… it's different. We both are in the same place in our careers and lives, we both want to settle down, we both want to have a bunch of little kids running around our house… I bought a freaking house… Cristina didn't want any of that. Yeah, I love her and I will always but not like I love Amelia."
"That's all I need to hear," I say looking up at him with a smile, "I really am happy for you, Owen."
I grab my things and I walked over to the other room where Amelia is standing in front of the long mirror alone. She's dressed, her make-up and hair are done but where's Addison and Maggie? I thought they both would be here with her.
"Hey. I'm here. Sorry I'm late," I say closing the door behind me, "I had two patients I had to discharge, and Owen just had cuff-link issues."
She doesn't respond. She just stares at her reflection and it makes me nervous, "Are you okay? Amelia?"
"You should probably go," she says simply.
I look at her confused then I ignore her and continue getting dressed, "Where's Maggie?"
"She's checking on the weather," she said then the thunder rumbles. She turns to me, "It's raining. Didn't you notice?"
"What's wrong? What's happening?" I say stepping into my bridesmaid gown, "What can I do?"
"What can you do? What can you do?" she chuckles like a maniac, "What... That... That is amazing. That is an amazing question. What can you do?"
"Amelia," I start.
She cuts me off, "Meredith, I am flipping out here. I'm wearing a wedding gown. There is a good and decent man in there who loves me and is expecting to marry me, and I can't tell if I am marrying because I love him back or because I just ran here and picked up a scalpel and slipped into this Shepherd skin. And maybe it is right, and maybe it's not, but I don't know, and I am marrying Cristina's husband. I know what you think about that. And I don't know what I'm doing. And there is no one here with me. There is no one here to tell me to quit or get me down the aisle or j... help me. That is Derek's job, and Derek is dead. And Addison is out there handling all the last minute changes for the reception but it's not like she can help me anyway because she has a perfect life with a perfect husband and perfect kids. And all I have is Maggie, and Maggie is full of sunshine and candy and hope, and every time I try to tell her that the world is on fire, she hands me a marshmallow to roast, so that just leaves you. And you... you are rooting for the other guy. You told me to go and be with Owen, and then you turned on me, and now you are not on my side. And we both know you don't like me, but you are stuck with me. So here I am in a wedding gown on the happiest freaking day of my life in a room with no family and no help and no one on my side but you. So what can you do for me? What can you do for me, Meredith?"
I sigh as all these thoughts start running through my head. I close my eyes. What really is my problem here? Why am I so against this? I think to myself and after a moment I finally speak up, "You're me."
"What?" she looks back at me furious.
I explain, "You're me before Derek. I can be here for you. I know how to do this. I can be a twisted sister for you. Just how do you want to play this? Do you need me to tell you you're a beautiful bride and kick your ass down that aisle? You're a beautiful bride. Turn around. I'll start kicking. Do you need me to call your mother and yell at her? I'm your girl. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I have two. If you want to freak out and call it off, if you want to run, I'll drive the getaway car. Just let me know what you need. I'm here for you. I am your family, Amelia. Today, I am your person. Just tell me what you want to do."
I wait… We just stand there looking at each other for a moment before she grabs my hand and we go running out of the room. We run all the way to the front of the chapel where I can hear the bells ringing and the thunder rumbling… We literally run into Maggie and Addison who were on the way back to the room.
Addison looks at us crazily, "What are you doing?"
"We're running," I answer simply. I don't know what else to call this.
She looks at me sideways before joining in, "Oh…"
"Where are we running?" Maggie asks as we run through the rain.
I feel like I saw Richard but we don't have time to stop, "Doesn't matter. Let's go!"
"Aah! Aah!" everyone's screaming as we run to the car getting drenched.
Maggie looks around, "Oh, God. So many people. All those people!"
"Okay, stop it," I say.
"And the food! Oh, my… All that food," Maggie exclaims.
I shake my head as we pull off, "Stop. Don't do that. The food doesn't matter. Amelia's what matters."
"Right. Okay," Maggie nods.
Addison leans forward from the backseat to look at Amelia, "What happened?"
"Nothing happened," Amelia finally speaks.
Maggie then questions, "What's wrong with Owen?"
"Nothing's wrong with Owen," she answers.
I cut in, "Well, he could use some sun."
I see Addison nod in agreeance and I smile a little to myself as Amelia proclaims, "There's nothing wrong with Owen."
"Then why are we doing this?" Addison asks.
Amelia doesn't answer… She points to this gas station off the side of the road. I pull into a parking space and we all get out following her inside. She walks over to the slushie machine and pours herself a huge cup. I grab one too as Maggie and Addison fall in line.
I see she's having a hard time getting it out the machine so I speak up, "Tap it and let it settle and then tap it some more. You get more that way."
"Why am I doing this?" Amelia turns to me, "Why did you make me do this? Why the hell would you make me run?"
"I didn't make you run. You wanted to run," I say in defense.
She shakes her head, "You dangled the carrot. You... You dangled it because you didn't want this wedding to happen, so you dangled."
"I didn't dangle anything," I say sipping my slushie, "You're not a victim here. I presented you with a menu of options. You chose to run. You wanted to run."
"You're right. You're right," she says pacing and breathing heavily, "Why am I marrying Owen? Is my family right? Is this just one more in a long line of ill-advised, impulsive decisions? I don't even know. Shouldn't I know? Shouldn't I know on my wedding day?"
"Probably," I shrug.
Maggie looks at me, "Mer."
"I mean, what if I'm just… What if Owen is my new drug and I'm just using him to ignore the fact that…" she trails off.
Addison looks at her skeptically, "That what?"
"That Mer's right, that Owen's had the love of his life and so have I, and once it's gone, everything else is just filler and you'll never, ever have that feeling again. I mean, who gets that twice?" Amelia poses.
Maggie shrugs saying mostly to herself, "Some of us would like to have it once."
"I like to think that I've had it twice… If I could find love again, you definitely can Amelia…" Addison pauses then sighs, "Ryan would want you to find love again… He wouldn't want you to grow old alone."
She nods… takes a breath then goes up to the counter to pay for the slushies. We all go back outside to the car and Amelia decides that we can go back to the chapel. I drive all the way there but she doesn't get out. We're just sitting outside in the car.
Maggie slurps down the rest of her drink then looks to me, "Are we going in?"
"Why are you looking at me?" I shrug… It's not my wedding.
Addison looks over at her sister, "Amelia?"
"I don't know," she looks to me, "If we don't go in, where would we go?"
"Why's everybody asking me?" I look around the car slightly annoyed. I see Addison smirk in the backseat.
Maggie sighs, "Come on, Mer."
"What do I know about getting married? And who am I to say we only get one great love in our life? Lots of people get two. Look at…" I pause thinking, "Look at… Well, I don't know. I can't think of any right now, but…"
"Richard Webber," Maggie adds for me.
I smile, "Yes! Exactly. Thank you. Richard Webber. Exactly. You see? Maybe we get two, maybe we get eleven, maybe we get thirty. Isn't that better, just to believe that?"
"Yeah," Amelia says mostly to herself.
I continue, "I mean, Owen believes it. I swear he does. And he loves you. And maybe this time is different for you. Maybe this time, you're right."
I guess my speech worked. Everyone seemed satisfied from it and Amelia nodded. She turned to me smiling for the first time today, "Okay. Let's go get married."
The rain has cleared up and we run back into the chapel then into Amelia's room where Addison has already called hair and make-up back. They take Amelia's dress to try to dry it off some while I go into the other room to let Owen know that we're here.
"Hey. Hey. We're back," I say walking into the room.
Owen nods and starts walking towards Amelia's dressing room, "Where is she?"
"No, she doesn't want to see you now," I stop him.
He looks at me startled, "What?"
"Before the ceremony…" I correct, "It's bad luck. Hurry up and get in there. I mean, she needs like ten minutes."
"Okay. All right. All right. Oh, April had the baby. It's a girl," he says.
I exclaim, "What?!"
"Yeah, Riggs just told me," he smiles as I rush him out of the door making my way back to the room.
Everyone's dressed, dried and makeup re-done. Maggie and I help get the flower girls and the ringbearer in line for the walk while Addison helps walk Amelia over. I watch her kiss her on the head before she joins me in line. She stands three inches taller than me even in heels… Well we're wearing the same heels so… Ugh. It's just that she's standing so close to me. My body is tingling… I don't understand why… It's not like I'm attracted to Addison… God, I hope I'm not attracted to Addison… I have always had a knack for falling for the wrong people. I just, I have to wait until it passes because I'm pretty sure she hates me… Plus she's got a lot to deal with right now… You know, the four kids and a dead husband thing.
"Wait," Addison's voice pulls me out of my thoughts, "where's Owen's best man?"
"Hospital, she had her baby. It's a girl," I say as Arizona walks up in her bridesmaid's dress.
All the woman just gush over this, "Awwwwww."
"Hey, Owen asked me to fill in for April," she says taking her new place beside Addison.
"Oh," Maggie says just realizing that the music for our walk is playing, "Is this when we go? Do we go? Did we miss it?"
"Just go whenever you want," Amelia says from the back of the line. Maggie nods then looks to Riggs as they decide to start the walk down the aisle.
I turn to Amelia jokily, "You sure you don't want to run? Now's your last chance."
"Please shut up," she rolls her eyes at me and smiles.
"You look beautiful… Congratulations," I smile before turning around and walking down the aisle with Dr. Warren.
When I get to my place at the altar, I turn around and I see Arizona and Addison walking down the aisle and for some reason, all I see is the redhead. I have to say she looks breathtaking in maroon but I don't think there is a way for her not to look that way…
I really need to shake these thoughts of her because I'm almost certain she isn't thinking about me like that. For a moment though, it looked as though she caught my gaze and blushed but it could just be my eyes playing tricks on me. I watch as Addison's twins and Zola walk down the aisle throwing flowers that's when I notice Carolyn, Amelia and Derek's mom, in the front row.
When Addison reaches me, I try to ask under my breath, "Isn't that Carolyn?"
"Yeah," she nods and whispers, "I called her after I calmed Amelia down this morning. I kind of forced her to come… Had a car pick her up and a private jet bring her here. I was not about to have my baby sister upset on her wedding day."
This makes my feelings that I already have for her multiply by like a zillion… I hate that Addison is such a kind person… Why can't she just be Satan like we all thought once upon a time ago? Then I wouldn't be struggling with the fact that I actually like Addison… I think I've liked her from the moment she walked through the doors of Seattle Grace Hospital and introduced herself as 'Addison Shepherd' and I 'the intern that was screwing her husband'. She didn't take it out on me… She was kind to me… Right from the start… She even corrected this crazy patient of hers who didn't want me in her surgery because she thought I was a homewrecker. I can't believe I didn't recognize it then. I was too young and foolish… I wonder what life would be like if I actually knew my true feelings back then? Would it be any different?
The girls reach us and Addison commends them on doing such a great job as Henry finishes his walk and stands on the side with the men. I watch her give him a thumbs up and he smiles so brightly. God, I hate myself for having feelings. It's just that, Amelia was right… Addison is perfect, with her perfect family, perfect hair, perfect looks, and her freaking perfect body.
I grunt aloud, "Ugh."
"What?" Maggie whispers to me.
I shake my head. I really need to get her off my mind... I can't wait for the reception… Tequila always solves my problems.