Henry

Death is forever, Mommy says. There's no coming back from it… You can't be rescued because there's nothing you can be rescued from… After you die, you can't breathe or talk or see or hear or taste or smell or feel anything ever again… I won't ever see my daddy again… but Mommy says that I will always remember him… She says that each of us, me and Parker and Peggy and Everett, all have a piece of Daddy in our hearts and that he's always with us… but he's not… He isn't here and he isn't ever going to be again and that just makes me… really mad. I don't understand how he can be here and not here at the same time… I just want my daddy.

Daddy was hurt by a bad man who wanted to take his things… he didn't have to hurt him though. I'm sure my daddy would've given him what he wanted because he's really good at sharing… He taught me and Peggy and Parker how to share so I know he has to be really good at it… well, was good at it, I guess… He wasn't good enough at it since it didn't work and he died. He just left us all alone and Mommy hasn't been the same since. She's always sad and I hate him for making her sad… and me sad too…

Mommy says that if I want, I can go to the funeral… A funeral is what you have when someone dies and all of their loved ones come to celebrate their life, she said. I don't see why we're celebrating my daddy dying… That's not a good thing. I didn't really understand so she said that people do it so that can remember all the good times they had with him but I can't remember any good times… I'm too sad and mad. Why did he have to get hurt? Why couldn't he be better at sharing? Is it because I wasn't that good with sharing my G.I Joe men with my sisters? I would never let them play with them… Is this my fault? Am I gonna make my mommy die too?

I'd ask Mommy but the last time I saw her, she was crying and I don't want to make her more sad. I'd ask Bailey and Zola's aunt Maggie but she's asleep and so is everyone else. I'm supposed to be in bed too, but I can't sleep because I miss Daddy too much. I think I'm going to go downstairs for a glass of milk.

I grabbed one of my new books off the nightstand that my mommy gave me before heading down the steps. The name of this book is Help Me Say Goodbye… Mommy says it'll help me feel better about losing Daddy but I don't think I'll ever feel better about losing Daddy.

I'm in the refrigerator when I heard the front door opening and it scares me so I hide under the counter. It's not until I hear Bailey's mom's voice that I know I'm okay.

"I know there has to be a little person in the kitchen because I can't see your head over the counter," she laughs and walks into the kitchen as I come out from under the counter. She smiles down at me and lifts me up from the floor, "Hey, Henry. What are you doing up? It's late."

"I couldn't sleep," I shrug and point to the refrigerator, "I was going to get some milk but I can't reach it."

"Here," she says grabbing the milk then sitting both me and the jug on the counter. She grabs two glasses out of the cabinet then poured the milk into them before putting the jug back in the fridge and handing me a glass. She sips from the other glass then smiles at me sitting down at the stool by the counter, "So what's up? What did you do today?"

"I played with Zola, Bailey and Sofia in the backyard. We played Dragons and Princesses. Bailey was the dragon and I was the knight who rescued the princesses from him," I say in between sipping my milk.

She smiles brightly, "Oh wow, that's neat."

"Yeah, it was a lot of fun…" I trail off then I look back over to her, "Did you have any good surgeries today?"

"Oh, wow. You've been hanging around your mom too much," she laughs and I smile a little. I think that was a good thing. She sips her milk then shrugs, "Yeah, I guess I did. It was an emergency surgery so it was fast-paced, quick and rigorous, uh, precise, careful."

"Why couldn't the doctors and surgeons save my daddy?" I ask her after a pause.

She looks at me sadly, "I don't know, kid. I'm not exactly sure how your daddy died…"

"He was shot… a bad man wanted his car and hurt him for it," I tell her.

She pouts then looks down at her feet, "Oh, well… every gunshot wound is different… I'm sure that the doctors tried their best… your daddy was probably just hurt too badly."

"Oh," I nod and then I speak up again, "when my daddy died, everything changed… We don't even live in our same house anymore… and my mommy cries all the time now… I'm scared that my mommy may die too…"

"Oh, Henry, your mom isn't going to die anytime soon," she says.

I shake my head, "That's what we thought about Daddy too… but now he died and he won't ever come back… What if that happens to my mommy too? What would happen to me, Parker, Peggy, and Everett?"

"Um," she pauses, "look, if something were to happen to your mommy too, I'm sure you'd feel more alone than you do even now but baby, you won't be alone… You're not alone. Your mom has people here which means you have people too. If something were to ever happen, you'd always have someone here for you, to love you and take care of you. Once you're family, you're always family and you'll never be alone but you have to try to not think about that. You have to stay hopeful."

"It's hard to stay hopeful when you're so sad," I reply as a tear falls into my milk. I didn't even notice I had started crying.

Bailey's mom wipes the tears off my face and scoops me up in a hug, "You'll be happy again, sweetie. It may take some time but I promise you'll be happy again. Your daddy would want you to be."

"I hate my daddy for leaving us," I say into her chest as my tears fall harder.

I think she holds me until I fall asleep because I wake up lying on top of her on the couch the next morning. I wake her up too because I smell breakfast being made and I wouldn't want her to miss it. She sits up holding her head then she sees me and smiles.

"Good morning, handsome," she moves to get off the couch, "I'm sorry. We must've fallen asleep here."

"It's okay," I shrug grabbing her hand and walking into the kitchen where I find my mommy and Bailey and Zola's aunt Maggie fixing breakfast.

My mommy sees me and smiles picking me up, "Good morning, Henry."

"Good morning Mommy," I hold onto her tightly. I don't want to ever let go.

Mommy looks at me funnily, "What's up with you, little guy?"

"He, uh, had a little trouble sleeping last night," Bailey and Zola's mom says, "I found him in the fridge when I got home from work. He's really good company."

"I saw… It was the most adorable sight seeing you two asleep on the couch this morning," their aunt Maggie says as she leaves out of the kitchen.

I wrap tighter around my mommy. If I hold onto her forever, I could never lose her right? Bailey's and Zola's mom speaks up again but a little quieter, "He was afraid of losing you too, Addison."

I feel my mommy nod and walk out of the kitchen with me. I finally speak up, "If we leave, we'll miss breakfast."

"We'll be fast," she says as we head up the stairs and into the room I was supposed to be sleeping in. She picks up the other book she got me and sits me on the bed. She hands me the book then says, "Turn to page thirteen."

"I don't want to read this stupid book," I say with a pout. The name of this book is Let's Talk About When a Parent Dies and I really don't want to talk about that anymore.

My mom pouts, "Henry… please… You won't believe anything unless it's in a book. I know you…"

"Fine," I say but I only do it because I don't want to see my mommy sad anymore. I turn to the page she asks and begin reading it out loud, "A Common Fear. You may be afraid that your other parent will die too. But it's very rare for children to lose both parents. In fact, it's so un, unusual that you should not try to worry about it. But remember that no matter what, there will always be other family members and friends who will make sure that you and your sisters and brothers are loved and taken care of."

I close the book then I look up at my mommy, "That's what Bailey's and Zola's mommy said last night."

"Well she was right. Now that you heard it from her and read it in a book, how do you feel about it?" she asks.

I shrug, "I guess I feel a little better… Last night, I said that I hated Daddy for leaving us and now I feel really bad about it."

"Baby," she says picking me up again, "it hurts when someone you love dies. You feel angry, sad and scared all at the same time… It's okay to have these mixed feelings. It's called 'grieving'. One day, you'll wake up and realize that your grief has faded… you'll feel happy again but no matter how you feel, doesn't mean that you love your daddy any less than he loved you. And he loved you so much, Henry. I know he would've given anything to come home to us. It wasn't his fault that he died and it wasn't your fault either, okay?"

"Okay," I nod into her chest.

She nods too, "Okay. Ready to head back downstairs before our breakfast gets cold?"

"Yeah," I wipe my eyes as we head back down to the kitchen where all the adults are making plates.

Mommy sits me down at the table with Zola, Bailey, Parker and Peggy and I tell them good morning. Our mommies sit our plates down in front of us then they sit at the counter to eat their food. It's really quiet which is unusual… Usually all the grown ups are talking a lot.

Zola looks over to me and a big smile on her face, "What do you guys want to do today? I was going to ask my mom if we could go over to Sofia's!"

"Yeah! That sounds like fun," Bailey says and I notice I feel a little better by just the mentioning of her name.

I just shrug though… I have mixed feelings… My mommy says it's okay to feel this way. She says one day I'll feel better. I guess I just have to wait for that day…

After breakfast, Zola asks her mommy if we could go over to Sofia's and she said only if we help her make our lunches. We made sandwiches… Zola made a peanut butter and banana sandwich while Bailey made a turkey and cheese sandwich. I made a peanut butter and honey sandwich because that's my favorite. We also packed grapes, an apple and some crackers. Bailey let me use one of his old lunch boxes since we left mine at our old house. I don't think we're ever going back there.

When we're done, Zola, Bailey and I go out to the car with their mommy. I say goodbye to my mommy, brother and sisters before I leave. Sofia only stays down the street. We park and we all race inside to the elevator. None of us knows what floor to press so we wait for their mom to catch up. She presses for the fourth floor and I try to remember that for next time. We come off the elevator when it opens on our floor and we walk down the hall until we stop in front of the door with the number '424' on it. Their mom knocks on the door and soon someone comes to open the door.

When I realize who it is, I smile reaching up for her, "Auntie Callie!"

"Hi, baby!" she scoops me up into a hug before letting us inside.

I haven't seen my auntie since we got here. The last time she came to visit was a long time ago too. Sofia comes around the corner with a big smile on her face and it makes me smile too.

"You guys wanna play in my room?" she asks and we all scream running with her to her room.

We're in the middle of a conversation when Bailey's and Zola's mom peak in, "Hey guys, I'm about to leave so come give me a hug."

"Bye Mommy," both Zola and Bailey say when they hug their mom.

She waves as she walks away, "I'll be back later."

"Okay," Sofia says as everyone sits back down, "so what were you going to say Henry?"

"Nothing," I shake my head.

She shouts while smiling, "Come on! You know you want to say it!"

"I don't know," I shrug, "I just, I miss my daddy."

"Where is he?" she asks.

I look down at my hands, "He died…"

"My dad died too… He was in a plane crash when I was a baby," she says nodding.

Zola speaks up, "Our daddy died too. He was in a car accident while trying to help someone. My mom says he would have survived if the doctors actually knew what they were doing. She said they made a stupid mistake."

"Your mommy told me that the doctors probably tried their best but just couldn't save my daddy because he was too hurt," I pout.

Zola speaks up again, "How'd he die?"

"He was shot," I shrug, "Somebody wanted his stuff and took it after he shot him. It makes me really sad."

"I used to be really sad too and so did my mommy but now I feel a lot better," Zola says. Maybe one day I'll feel better too but right now it doesn't seem like it.

Sofia finally speaks up again, "You know? All of us have dead daddies. We should make a club that only we know about. We can't tell anyone else unless their daddy is dead too."

"The Dead Daddies club?" Bailey asks.

Sofia nods, "Yeah and we can do cool stuff and talk about things but can't tell anybody else about them. It'll be a secret club."

"We can draw and play with action figures!" Bailey adds in.

Zola nods, "And we can have tea-parties!"

"We can! And we're going to need a code word to tell other members and we're going to need a secret headquarters," Sofia declares.

Everyone's quiet for a moment then I shout, "It can be in Zola and Bailey's playroom!"

"Yeah, and the code word can be mommy since we all have a mommy," Zola says.

Sofia smiles, "I have two mommies."

"I want two mommies too!" Bailey raises his hand.

Zola nods then looks at me, "Do you wanna share mommies? That way we can have two mommies too?"

"Yeah," I smile. I already like their mommy too, "but what if I call out 'mommy' and the wrong mommy comes?"

"It won't happen cause we call our mommy 'mama'," she said.

I just nod, "Okay."

"Okay, so who wants to be president of the club?" Sofia asks.

Zola shouts, "I think it should be Henry."

"Me? Why?" I ask.

She shrugs, "Cause you're the newest."

"Who wants to be Vice-President? And we need a Secretary and a Treasurer," Sofia announces.

Zola claps her hands, "I'm really good at math so I should be Treasurer and you're good at writing so you should be Secretary and Bailey can be Vice-President."

"Okay, I think we have everything covered. What's our first order of businesses President Henry, sir?" Sofia says and everyone looks at me.

I shrug, "How about we dress up as our favorite things then go to a fancy dinner?"

"Can there be tea?" Zola asks.

I nod, "Yeah."

"Yay," the girls shout and I smile as we all get up to get dressed.

When Mama comes to get us we're still dressed in our costumes from earlier. We played a lot of different games and even talked about our daddies some more. Zola said at her daddy's funeral, she drew a picture of them for him and gave him some flowers. It seemed like a nice idea so maybe I'll go with my mommy to Daddy's funeral to leave him something nice so he'll never forget me.

When we pull up at the house, it only takes a second for me to get out the car and inside to my mommy. I give her a big hug because I missed her and she smiles at me, "Did you have fun at Sofia's?"

"Yeah, we had a lot of fun," I say smiling back.

She picks up Everett from the high chair then looks back to me, "Oh yeah? What did you do?"

"I can't tell you. It's a secret… you have to be in the club to know," I say with a smile before turning to walk away, "Well, I gotta meet Mama in the playroom."

"Who?" she questions and I tell her to follow me.

She walks with me until I reach the playroom where Mama, Zola and Bailey are. I turn to face her, "Mama promised to help us build a fort."

"Hey, Mommy," Bailey smiles up at my mommy with a wave.

She looks over to Mama with a worried look and Mama looks at Zola, "Zola, what's going on?"

"Sofia has two moms and no dad. We don't have dads either but we only had one mom and we wanted to have two moms too," she says crossing her arms, "Is that wrong?"

I watch Mama look at Mommy like she's not sure and my mommy just shrugs so she does too. It's silent for a minute and nobody says anything until Mommy clears her throat, "Well, I'm going to go put Everett down to sleep then maybe I can help you guys with your fort?"

"Okay," Mama says as Mommy walks away, "let's get started."

By the time were finished, we have ten chairs and fifteen blankets all up covering the whole room. Zola turned on the TV and put on 101 Dalmatians. It's Mama and Zola's favorite movie. Mommy joins all of us in the fort with popcorn and we lay inside together until the movie's over. Both of our mommies fell asleep so we quietly tiptoe out of the room and go into the living room to play the bowling game on TV.

The door unlocks soon after and Auntie Maggie lets herself into the house. She smiles at us taking us all in a huge hug, "Hi, my babies. Where are your mommies?"

"They're asleep in the playroom," Bailey says.

Auntie Maggie looks at us sideways and we laugh as she walks down the hall. Zola tries to explain, "We were watching a movie in our fort."

"Well isn't that adorable?" Auntie Maggie says peering into the playroom. She turns back to us with a smile on her face, "Okay… well, bedtime kiddos."

Today wasn't that bad of a day after all.