A Life Worth Living

by Mrs.Gun4

Christian's life is well ordered but empty. Enter Anastasia, knocking him off his feet, literally and figuratively. He can't have her but can keep her close. When he can't take it, he makes a proposal she can't refuse. When he realizes the error of his ways, he has to let her go. Life isn't worth living without her. Will she be there to save him? TRIGGER WARNING: ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.

31. Figuring Out SIP

Chapter 31: Figuring Out SIP (Christian's POV)

May 1, 2017:

"Christian, are you sure you don't want me to come into work today?" Ana asked me for the third time. My wife was having separation anxiety, and I loved it, but I wasn't going to give in. She needed these two weeks off, before two more weeks of relaxation in Hawaii, and I was going to make sure she had it. She had more than earned it.

We had planned for Ana to have the entire month of May to herself once we knew things were working out with Duncan, and then we would spend the first two weeks of June in Hawaii. Sadly, however, things hadn't gone as planned. We had learned in early April that the Jack Hyde trial was scheduled to begin on June 5, when we had planned to be in Hawaii. This trial was just for the multiple shootings and kidnapping charges, which was being prosecuted by the State of Washington. The white collar crime charges stemming from the clusterfuck he had created at GEH would be a big fucking federal trial that would happen after the state was finished with him. Since part of Hyde's scheme involved the IRS, the federal government was involved, which meant two different trials.

The good thing about being the boss, owning my own private plane, and having a brand-new house in Hawaii, was that I could leave earlier than I'd planned. For that reason, Ana and I had moved our vacation up two weeks, so we would now be there the last two weeks of May, and we would return just in time for the trial. I needed to be there for the whole thing, even though I didn't think my time on the witness stand would be very substantial. Even though Hyde shot me, I doubted I would spend hours having to describe every detail. No, that would be Mia, and her former CPO, Jenna Riley. I knew it was going to be incredibly difficult for my sister, and I wanted to be there to support her through it all. Ana would be, too.

Ana was spending these two weeks getting our house in Hawaii as move-in ready as she could from Seattle, especially considering the fact that it wasn't finished yet. We had asked the contractors to finish the main level first, and everything else could wait. We wouldn't even need the upstairs at all, so it didn't matter that they hadn't finished the painting and flooring up there yet. They could finish up while we were there, or they could wait until we'd returned home.

"I'm sure, babe," I assured Ana, regarding her coming into work with me. As much as I would miss her, she needed this time. I reminded her, "Duncan is doing a great job, as you well know. He's got it all under control. You trained him well. And I know you're happy with his work. It's time, Ana. This is what you wanted, and I believe it's what you need. Get registered for your classes today, so you're ready to start in the Fall. And check in with Jerry Roach at SIP."

"Yeah, I was already planning to," she agreed. "I need to let him know that I probably won't be able to start in mid-June as planned, unless the trial finishes earlier than expected. Being there for Mia is a bigger priority. SIP has waited this long. It can wait a couple more weeks, if I need it to."

"And stay away from social media," I reminded her needlessly. I knew she was already avoiding it, which she had been since Carla Fucking Adams first started talking to the press. That bitch never stopped, and the nastiness she'd been spewing about my beautiful wife needed to end. I'd known from the moment I laid eyes on that nasty cunt exactly the type of woman Carla Adams was. I'd done business with plenty of her type. Carla had been very easy to size up, and I thought Ana had handled her well that day. The bitch never even got around to her real demand. She never had a chance to mention money, even though Ana and I both knew it was what she had come for.

I was worried, though, because Ana still didn't want to pay Carla off, and nothing Carla had said yet to the press amounted to slander, so we couldn't get a gag order against her according to our lawyers. She had her first amendment right to free speech and all that shit. Yeah, whatever. Mrs. Adams would have happily given up those rights for the right price, but Ana wasn't playing. My lovely wife would rather have the world believe all that shit that Carla was spewing about Ana's bratty childhood than to pay Carla one cent of what Ana still considered MY money. It was OURS, and if we needed to give some of it to her mother to shut her up, that was fine with me. It wasn't fine with Ana, though, so it wasn't happening.

Friday, May 12, 2017:

"Mr. Grey, Mrs. Grey, I have some news I need to talk with you about," Simon interrupted as Ana and I were eating dinner that evening, two weeks since Ana's time off had started, and two hours since mine had. We were leaving early tomorrow morning for Hawaii, and I was very happy about spending this time with my wife.

My girl hadn't been feeling great, and I was worried that she might have a stomach bug. She didn't seem to have much of an appetite these days, and she'd thrown up a couple of times this week… that I was aware of. But she didn't want me to make a doctor's appointment for her unless she got worse. Damn, she'd only had that sinus infection a few weeks ago, and now she was sick again? It worried me.

"What's going on, Kendra?" Ana asked worriedly. Yeah, if Ms. Simon needed to interrupt our dinner the night before we were leaving for Hawaii, it wasn't good news.

"It's your mother," Ms. Simon answered. "I learned a few minutes ago that she spoke with a different journalist today, one who is planning to write a biography. Your biography, Mrs. Grey. There's no question that whatever they're planning will delve more deeply into your background than ever. And frankly, there isn't anybody to dispute anything your mother tells them."

Well, that wasn't completely true. Ana had some former teachers and classmates who had posted positive things about her to counter the ugly. It wasn't enough, though. People who had never even heard of Ana before she married me were crawling out of the woodwork posting nasty shit about her, completely fabricated bullshit.

Ana groaned. "Why would anyone want to read a biography about me? Will this ever end?"

I sighed. "You know how to shut her up, Ana. I don't see another way."

She didn't have a chance to respond to me right away because I could see that she was getting sick. She ran to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. Shit! She still had that stomach bug!

"I'm calling the doctor and making you an appointment," I told her firmly.

"No, I'm just upset about my mom," she responded as she cleaned herself up and got her toothbrush. "I've felt fine all day. I'm sure it's just my nerves. I don't want to delay our flight with a doctor's appointment. I just want to get to Hawaii and relax.

"I can make all of this go away," I promised her as I watched her brushing her teeth. "You just need to give me the word. I won't do it if you don't want me to."

She finished brushing her teeth, and I could see she was deep in thought. When she finished, she turned to me and lamented, "It's not fair. She didn't even buy me clothes when I was a teenager. I had to work, from fourteen years old, babysitting the bratty kids who lived across the street, and I had to buy my own clothes from the little I earned from that at thrift shops. Ray was sending money for me, but she kept it for herself. I never saw any of it. She didn't even feed me. I went hungry more nights than I can even count. And now, she thinks I owe her enough to buy her silence? Hell, no, I don't owe her anything!"

"It's not about owing her, sweetheart," I tried to reason. "It's about silencing her."

"What if I write a book instead?" Ana suggested. Her eyes perked up as she admitted, "Actually… I've already started writing it, but I wasn't thinking of publishing it. But what if I did? Hell, I own a publishing company. It's not like I'd have to look for someone to publish it."

"You're writing a book?" I asked her surprisedly. When had she started that?

"Yeah, a memoir," she replied. "I was bored. I've been writing it for over a week now. I can continue to work on it while we're in Hawaii, during our down time. I'm sure I can finish it by the end of the summer, before I start my MBA classes. I hadn't even thought of publishing it because I didn't think anyone would be interested in my memoir. But if somebody thinks I'm interesting enough to write a biography that I have no control over, I can write my own story, too."

"Umm…" I wasn't sure how to ask her what I needed to know, but I needed to know.

"I haven't gotten to you, yet, Christian, but if I'm going to publish it, you know I won't tell anybody your secrets. Of course, I won't. I won't say anything about you that you don't approve beforehand. But I'm still in college right now. I've finished writing all about my childhood and first year of college. I can finish college this weekend, if we have enough down time, and then next week, I'll write about my big move to Seattle. There's my first several months here to write about before I get to my job interview with you. We have plenty of time to discuss it more before I get to anything about you."

I nodded. I hadn't even needed to say a word. She knew. She knew, and she would always protect me, just as I protected her. My amazing, brilliant wife.

Ana asked, "Other than your concerns about your secrets, what do you think of the idea? Is it good timing for me to publish a memoir? I've been brutally honest about everything with Carla, and it would definitely contradict all the shit she's been saying about me. I talk about all her men that were in and out of our lives, and how she neglected me and left me with them. I wrote about what happened with Number 3, and how she didn't leave him until several months after the attack happened. It's a lot to tell the world, but I think in a lot of ways, it will be freeing for me."

A couple of things came to mind, and most of it was good. "In general, I like it. I think it'll be good for you. But… other than my own fuckedupness, I do have a couple of other concerns. I think… Why don't you talk to Ray about it, and see what he thinks. I'm sure you've written a lot about him, and you'll write more. Make sure he's OK with everything you're planning to say about him."

"I was already planning to do that," Ana agreed. "I want to tell his story about ALS and Stockholm, and Patrice and the baby, of course, but I want to make sure that's all OK with him."

I continued, "And talk to my dad, too. About that Morton fucker and all you've written about him. Even if you don't name him, it won't be hard for a good journalist to figure out who it is. Make sure you don't get yourself into legal trouble. The asshole will probably sue you anyway, but make sure you've written it in such a way that he won't have a leg to stand on."

Ana nodded pensively. "I should have pressed charges when it happened. Mom begged me not to, and I just wanted to get away from there. And he didn't rape me, but he did beat the shit out of me. There will be hospital records to prove it. I'll ask Carrick if I can sue him, preemptively, before I even publish the story. He assaulted me. There should be a case there, right?"

I advised her, "Talk to Dad, but my guess is that there's a case for sexual assault, even if he didn't penetrate you. From what you told me, he stripped you naked, and he was naked, and he had intentions of raping you before the bitch walked in on him and stopped it. I think there's definitely a civil case against him."

"Do you know where he is now?" she asked me as she shivered. "Knowing you, you've had a background search done." She didn't look afraid, my brave girl, just curious.

And, yes, she knew me well. "He's in Arizona. Phoenix. He's an air conditioner repairman or some shit like that. He's been married and divorced twice since divorcing Carla. He's recently remarried, and his new wife has teenage kids. I'd be surprised if history isn't repeating itself."

Ana's eyes got large. "Shit! I'll talk to Carrick this weekend."

Another thought occurred to me. "What are you planning to write about that Jose fucker?"

She looked pensive. "I haven't gotten to the ugly yet. I've written about our first year and how we met. He's a great friend at the current time that I've written about. The ugly shit didn't happen until our senior year. But yeah, everything else I've written has been brutally honest, so I know I'll want to write exactly what happened with him."

"Ask Dad about him, too," I advised her. "Tell Dad the story. He already knows about the photos. About our fight, I mean. I told him and Mom when you were angry with me about buying them. But if you write about how he tried to force himself on you, that might piss him off enough to sue you. Or… what concerns me even more is that if he still has copies of those images, he'll publish them to get back at you."

She looked angry, but then resolved. "That'll only make him look worse, and it'll prove everything I write about him. Besides, there's nothing embarrassing about those photos. I didn't like them because of how he betrayed me in taking them, displaying them, and selling them to you. But I wasn't ashamed of them. I was innocent."

Yes, her innocence had drawn me to her, and she was absolutely gorgeous in each of the photographs. I didn't regret destroying them, though. It was what she'd wanted.

"It sounds like you're going to be busy writing while we're in Hawaii this time," I commented. "And that's fine, if it's what you want to do. I just want to relax on the beach with you. I've been counting the days before we could leave."

I had been very busy at work over the past two weeks preparing for this time off, and things were looking good. I was leaving Duncan in Ros's very capable hands, and he had plenty of work to do while I was away. And yes, I was calling him by his first name, which Ana had started during his training, and it had caught on. Whatever.

I was more confident than ever in my executive staff at GEH, and I knew that the clusterfuck that had happened the last time I took this much time off would not happen again. Sebastian was the best CFO our company had had so far, and the internal audit had gone remarkably well. He was preparing now for an external audit with a different firm than the one we'd used in the past. And Ros was busy researching new inquisitions.

I had spent most of my time over the past two weeks trying to solve our problems in Singapore, but it was a colossal mess. I still had high hopes that I could solve the problems and make Singapore our Asian headquarters. That had been my goal for a couple of years now. But I knew I'd need to make a trip there soon to figure out the problems and set things up to run all of our Asian operations from there. I only hoped when the time came that Ana would be able to travel with me. I hadn't travelled without her in over a year, but she wasn't my assistant any longer, so she wouldn't have a reason to go. That was Duncan's job now. But it was a problem to figure out after our vacation, and after the Jack Hyde trial was over.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

"That's not the furniture I ordered," Ana announced with a grimace as soon as we walked into the living room of our brand-new Hawaiian beach house.

Thank God. The two oversized couches and one love seat that now took up most of the large living room space were hideous black leather recliners. Ugly didn't even begin to cover it.

Ana spent the next hour or so on the phone with the furniture store only to learn that they had gotten our order mixed up with someone else's, and they wouldn't be able to fix the problem until Monday morning. We were stuck with ugly until then.

They'd gotten the dining and bedroom furniture correct, though, which surprised me until Ana explained that she'd ordered it from a different store. She regretted not buying all of the furniture from that store now, but she had liked the sofas at the other store better… the actual ones she'd ordered, not these ugly black things. The ones she'd ordered were a cream-colored stain-proof soft synthetic leather that she said matched the style she wanted in the entire house. The seats on the dining chairs were cream-colored, so I guessed she'd bought them to match. The dining table, which was large enough to comfortably seat twelve people, was a light colored oak that matched the kitchen cabinets. The kitchen, dining room, and living room were all open concept, and Ana had gotten them to paint the entire area a soft blue color. It certainly fit the beach theme. There wasn't any art on the walls yet, but I knew Ana wanted to shop for some while we were here. She wanted to find some good local artwork.

Due to our moved up timeline, Ana hadn't yet gotten furniture for the entire house. She'd focused on the main floor, where our master bedroom was located. There was an upstairs and downstairs that could be furnished later, or perhaps while we were here. I thought she'd done a fabulous job on our bedroom furniture. She said she wanted it to feel like the beach house it was, so she'd picked out a kingsized bed with a cream-colored padded headboard. The dressers were light oak, similar in color to the dining room furniture. The walls had been painted a pale turquoise blue, and the quilt on the bed was striped with various shades of blue, including the turquoise on the walls, navy, and a grayish blue. There were beach-themed accent pillows on the bed that matched the quilt. There was also a cream-colored chaise lounge on one side of the room, near the French doors that led to our private porch that had a fantastic ocean view. We still needed to get some chairs and a table to go out here. I already knew that this would be my Zen place here in Hawaii. I also knew that Ana would spend many evenings here on this porch. It truly was paradise.

I was glad that our master bedroom was located on the main floor of the house, which was the only floor that was completely finished. There was an upstairs that had four bedrooms where our family could stay when they came on vacation with us. Someday, our future children would have rooms upstairs. For now, though, Ana had asked the contractors to wait until our vacation was over to finish the painting and flooring that still needed to happen. She was able to approve the paint colors and carpeting, which was a plus, but she didn't want workers in and out of the house while we were here. Smart girl.

Downstairs, the large family room area was finished, except for a wet bar area. So was the veranda, where we would have an oversized hot tub that had not yet been delivered. Just beyond that was the swimming pool that wasn't completely finished yet, so we couldn't use it during this trip. But beyond it was our private beach, where we could swim as much as we wanted. Opening onto the family room, there were two additional guest bedrooms with ensuite bathrooms that were almost finished, and there was also a third room that didn't have any windows or a private bathroom. I'd already decided to turn into a home gym. All of these rooms were completed except for paint on the walls, and they still needed to be furnished, which could wait until after we left.

By Monday noon, the living room furniture problem had been fixed, and Ana had not only forgiven them for the error but also ordered additional furniture for the family room downstairs. At first, I'd been afraid she would keep the ugly black shit and move it down there, but thankfully, she hated it as much as I did. She did go with a darker color than the creme of the living area, but not black. No, she found a medium blue sectional. It was almost navy, but not dark enough to be navy. I wasn't sold on it until I sat down and realized how comfortable it was. I'm not sure how she knew it would work so well since she'd also purchased it online, but we agreed that it was perfect for the space. We'd watch many movies in this room, and we were happy with how it was turning out.

Speaking of watching movies, we needed to purchase a large-screen smart TV, which we took care of on Monday evening, along with kitchen stuff that Ana insisted that she needed to pick out in person. She bought pots, pans, and all kinds of dishes and utensils. We had eaten all of our meals out or ordered in until our kitchen was set up. Once it was, we didn't want to leave our house.

On our last trip to Hawaii in March, we had done a lot of sightseeing. This time, however, we spent almost all of it at home, enjoying our new house. When we did go out, it was mostly for shopping. We found the local art that Ana had wanted, and our main floor was really coming together, as was the family room downstairs. Ana decided while we were here to go ahead and furnish the two guest rooms downstairs and arranged for the furniture to be delivered soon after the rooms were finished being painted. That way, if we returned in the next few months with any family, they'd have somewhere to sleep. We just had my home gym and the four bedrooms upstairs to finish, but we didn't need to be in a hurry to furnish them as long as we didn't have a large family gathering anytime soon. Aspen had been fun, but we didn't do that kind of thing very often, which was why seven bedrooms was large enough for our beach house. Maybe Mia would enjoy a trip here later in the summer, especially after the trial was over. The break would be good for her.

I was still worried as hell about Ana's health, but she insisted on waiting until we got back to Seattle to go to the doctor. It was a bit mind-boggling how well she seemed on some days. We would spend the day shopping for artwork or swimming in the ocean. We even attempted surfing, which we both sucked at, but it was fun. But other days, she felt too nauseated to eat, or if she did eat anything, she couldn't keep it down. Thankfully, there weren't too many days like that, and we could take it easy and just watch movies on our new big screen TV in the family room, relaxing on that comfy sectional.

Monday, June 5, 2017 (9:05 a.m.):

"We're pregnant!"

After our return trip home, I was back to work at GEH while Ana spent the day with Mia, helping her get mentally prepared for the trial. This morning was jury selection, and none of us expected to begin the actual trial until tomorrow at the earliest. Since I wasn't needed at the courthouse, I was able to go into GEH and catch up on work. Ros hadn't wasted any time barging into my office this morning with her big announcement.

"Gwen's expecting?" I asked her with a big smile. Good for them. I knew they'd been trying for a while.

"Yes, and we've made it to the second trimester, so it's looking good, boss man. And it's twins! They're both really healthy as of our last checkup this past Wednesday. Gwen's doing really well, too. Her morning sickness has eased up a lot."

Damn, I'd never seen Ros this excited. She was downright elated.

"When are they due?" I asked her happily. It was good to see her happy.

"November 10," she answered. "But we know twins often come early, so we're hoping they'll stay in the cooker until at least Halloween."

"Do you know yet if they're boys or girls?" I asked.

"No, we aren't sure yet, but we're pretty sure at least one of them is a girl. They might both be girls, but we're kinda hoping for one of each."

A thought occurred to me, and it had everything to do with Ana's ongoing stomach bug. "Ros, you mentioned Gwen's morning sickness. Has she been sick all the time, or does it come and go?"

Was it possible that Ana was pregnant? I knew she was religious about taking her birth control. She even calculated for the time difference when we traveled, so she always took her pill at the same time each day. But the pill wasn't a guarantee, was it? No form of birth control was perfect except abstinence, and to hell with that.

Ros replied, "For about two months, it was every damn day. Not just in the morning, either. She didn't feel like eating much, but the doctor assured us it was normal. Her appetite has picked up now. She still gets sick sometimes, but not like before. Now, her biggest concern is that she's outgrown all her clothes. I love that, though. I love watching her grow with our children."

Yeah, Ana had been enjoying watching Patrice's baby bump grow, and she was really big now, as Ana's baby brother was due any day now. Would I enjoy watching Ana grow, with life that we had created together inside of her? Damn right, I would. Was my wife pregnant? Could it be? I felt hopeful that she was. It surprised me how much I actually wanted her to be pregnant.

"Well, congratulations, Ros," I told her with a big smile that caught her off guard. I reined it in and added, "And I suppose you're going to be wanting to take off some time in November and December. We'll need to make sure you're covered over your maternity leave."

"Sure thing, boss man," she agreed with a smirk.

When Ros had left my office, I didn't waste another minute. I called Dr. White and made an appointment for Ana for this very evening at 7:00 p.m. It was after hours, but Dr. White was always accommodating for me. I paid her enough, so she should be.

Then, I called Ana.

"How are things going?" I asked.

She sighed. "Not good," she admitted. "Mia's a nervous wreck. She said she couldn't sleep last night. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw his face and heard his voice. Grace has made her famous chocolate chip pancakes, and they're delicious as usual, but Mia's not eating much."

"What about you?" I asked her. "You sound like you're eating pancakes. Have you thrown up today?"

She sighed again. "How did you know that?" she asked. "Pam and Belinda were both in the staff quarters, and we don't have a camera in our bathroom, so I know they didn't see me get sick after you left for work. But I'm feeling great now, and yes, I'm eating pancakes and keeping them down."

"It was just a guess from a worried husband," I told her. "I've made you an appointment with Dr. White for this evening at 7:00. I'll pick you up at Grey Manor at 5:30, and then we can go out for dinner from there, if you feel like it. Then, I'll go with you to the doctor's office at 7:00."

"OK, fine," she agreed, although she sounded frustrated about it. "You're right, I do need to see a doctor. I'm sick of being sick."

Monday, June 5, 2017 (5:35 p.m.):

"Do you want to have dinner with us?" I asked Mia. I was looking forward to spending the time with just Ana, but Mia looked so dejected I thought going out with us might cheer her up.

"No, I'm not really up to going out," Mia replied. "I'm just glad that we have reliable staff at Ciel de Grey now. I can count on Phoebe to cover the usual lunch crowd, and Isaac will make sure the front is running like it should. We knew this was coming, so we haven't taken any catering orders at all for the month of June. I'll be glad when this is all over."

"I'm sure you've trained the staff well, and I'm not worried about the restaurant," I told Mia. "I'm more concerned about you. You'll get through this, though. Did you meet with your therapist today?"

She nodded. "For two hours after lunch. Yeah, and according to her, I'm as prepared as I can be. Whatever. I'm just ready to get it over with."

Ana and I both hugged Mia, and then we were on our way. Ana was in the mood for Thai food, so we went to one of our favorite places in Seattle. We had just enough time to finish our dinner and make it to Dr. White's office a few minutes before 7:00 p.m.

The doctor had a lot of questions about Ana's ongoing symptoms. She took some blood and a urine sample from Ana and left us alone for a few minutes.

"How's that Thai food settling on your stomach?" I asked Ana. She had chosen a fairly spicy dish, and I was worried she was going to be sick.

"I'm fine right now," she answered. "I haven't felt nauseated at all since early this morning." She looked confused and worried, but I was feeling more and more hopeful that she wasn't sick at all, just pregnant.

The next few moments passed in silence as we were both deep in our thoughts, waiting for Dr. White to return. When she did, she gave me the best news that I had been anticipating.

"Well, Mrs. Grey, good news. You aren't sick at all."

Ana looked more confused than ever. "I'm not?"

The doctor shook her head. "No, you're pregnant." She was smiling a congratulatory smile.

Ana's eyes popped. My girl was seriously shocked. "Pregnant!" She didn't sound happy at all. She sounded afraid. I took her hand.

"Yes, pregnant," the doctor repeated.

Ana's voice was high pitched and hysterical."But… but… I'm on the pill! I never miss it! I can't be pregnant! It's too soon! I'm not ready to have a baby yet!"

"It's going to be OK, babe," I tried to reassure her.

She turned to me and looked absolutely terrified. "How's it going to be OK, Christian? Neither of us is ready to be a parent! We're both too fucked up to raise a child!"

The doctor spoke in a calm voice. "I'll give you a few minutes." She left the office without another word, nor a response from either of us.

"Ana… I agree that I'm fucked up," I told her calmly. "But I know we can get through this together. And you're going to be a great mother."

She snorted bitterly. "Yeah, because I've had such a great role model! God, Christian! I'm not ready for this!" Her eyes filled with tears.

I held her as she wept on my shoulder. I couldn't tell her how happy I was that my child was growing inside her. I couldn't tell her that I looked forward to watching her body swell as my baby grew inside of her. No, I couldn't say anything. I just held her and let her cry.

Suddenly, she raised her head and looked at me in realization. "You're not freaking out," she noted significantly. "You don't even seem surprised."

I admitted, "I was hoping this is what it was. It was the only thing that really made sense. And when Ros told me this morning that Gwen was pregnant, it clicked."

"Ros and Gwen are expecting again?" Ana asked. When I nodded, she said, "That's great for them. They were so disappointed when they lost that baby before Christmas. I'm glad it's working out for them."

I told her, "Ros said they're having twins, and they're doing really well. And when she was talking about Gwen's morning sickness, I thought about your symptoms. So yeah, I was hoping you were pregnant. It means you're not sick with any serious illness."

"No, just a baby that's going to forever change our lives. So much for finishing my MBA." She just looked frustrated now.

"You can still finish your MBA," I insisted. "In fact, I'll make sure you do."

She sighed. "We need to get that doctor back in here and get some questions answered. Like when am I due? I don't know how the hell you expect me to finish a degree and have a baby at the same time, but… God, Christian! A baby?"

There was a knock at the door, and the doctor reentered. "How are we doing?" she asked. "Do you need a few more minutes, or would you like to have counseling about your options?"

"Our options?" Ana asked in confusion.

"Yes, depending on whether you wish to keep the baby or not," the doctor explained.

"Whether or not we wish…?" Ana began, and then answered, "No, of course we're keeping it. We don't need that kind of counseling. No, we're keeping it. We do have questions, though. I haven't missed a period, and I haven't missed a pill. I don't know how this happened. But I need to know how far along I am and when it is due. We've got to plan for it. I was supposed to finish my MBA this year. That's going to be challenging now, with a baby coming along."

God, this woman was so brave! She was terrified about being a mother, but she was embracing it head-on. I was so proud of her in that moment.

The doctor studied Ana's chart for a couple of minutes. As she was doing that, Ana told her, "I had a sinus infection last month, and you prescribed an antibiotic. I read all of the information about it, and there wasn't any indication that it would interfere with my birth control."

"No, amoxicillin wouldn't have interfered with Cerazette. I think the most likely scenario is that you had a day when you took the pill later than usual when you were feeling the sickest back in March."

Ana shook her head. "I'm certain that I didn't miss taking a pill on time. I never mess it up."

The doctor shrugged. "Well, these things do happen sometimes, even when taken exactly as prescribed. Just going by the level of HcG in your urine, I'd say you're at least eight weeks along. Your OB-GYN will need to take some measurements to figure out your time of conception and due date. I can't do that for you, sadly."

She probably could have, but she wanted to get home. That was fine because we wanted to hear from the expert in this area anyway, not just the GP. I didn't waste another minute. I found the contact for Ana's OB-GYN, Dr. Lorraine Greene, and called her. When she found out how much money I was offering her to make an emergency appointment with Ana tonight, she didn't hesitate.

An hour later, Ana was lying on a gynecological table in Dr. Greene's office. As she looked at me, her eyes were larger than usual, and I knew she was afraid, but she wasn't freaking out. She was in shock, but she was dealing with it.

"We'll be able to see a lot more if we do a probe," the doctor told Ana. "Is that OK?"

Ana's eyes got just a little bigger, but the doctor didn't notice. Ana's voice was calm when she replied, "Yeah, that's fine. Do what you need to do. We don't want to leave here without some answers tonight."

The next few minutes were the freakiest I'd experienced in a long time. The doctor used this dildo looking thing that she covered in a condom. Ana was uncomfortable but not complaining, and she didn't let go of my hand. I was probably more freaked out than she was.

After a lot of probing and studying the screen that was apparently an ultrasound, the doctor adjusted the volume on the thing, and then we heard it. She explained, "That swishing sound? That's the baby's heartbeat. Sounds strong."

Ana and I looked at each other in awe. We were having a baby! And Ana didn't look as opposed to the idea as she had a few minutes ago. No, she was still terrified, but she wanted this baby as much as I did!

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

The jury selection for Jack Hyde's trial was complete by Tuesday morning, so once all the jurors were given their instructions, the trial began at 11:00 a.m. with Elizabeth Morgan being the first witness for the prosecution. She had already been sentenced back in April for her part in Mia's kidnapping, when she'd pleaded guilty and agreed to be sentenced without a trial. They'd given her a lighter sentence for turning state's witness against Jack Hyde.

Tuesday was all Elizabeth Morgan. And as she sat there on the witness stand answering questions from the prosecutor, and then Hyde's attorney later that afternoon, I marveled that I had ever had this lunatic working for me. She was really a piece of work. She admitted to holding a gun to my sister's head and threatening to kill her. For her, it was all about the money she would get from the ransom. But Hyde had been the mastermind. She was just going along with his plan. The defense attorney tried to make it look like she'd planned it all, but she wasn't smart enough to have pulled it off, and I believed the jury would be able to see that.

Wednesday & Thursday, June 7 & 8, 2017:

Mia didn't take the stand until Wednesday, and she was on the stand all of Wednesday and most of Thursday. It was exhausting for those of us sitting in the courtroom observing. How much more so it was for Mia, who held up amazingly well, even when the defense attorney seemed to be taunting her at one point. Asshole. He was only hurting his case, though, harassing the witness. The judge called him out for it. And Mia held up under the pressure.

Mia only cried once, when she was talking about Hyde's threats to rape her and kill her as I watched helplessly. I admit, I had tears falling from my own eyes during that part of her testimony. So did Ana and my mom. Thankfully, the judge called for a recess so we could all collect ourselves. Dad pointed out to me afterwards that several of the jury members were also crying, and he said that was good for us. Whatever. I hated all of this. I agreed with Mia; I just wanted it to be over.

Friday, June 9, 2017:

The trial seemed to go on forever. I took the stand myself on Friday, but as expected, it wasn't much, just a couple of hours of testimony, mainly about Jack Hyde's actions leading up to the shooting, and then afterwards before the kidnapping. It was nothing like what Mia had gone through. Ana also took the stand the same day, and her questioning went on a bit longer, since she was the one Jack Hyde had targeted with ransom demands. Between the two of us, we took up almost the entirety of Friday's testimony, with the only other person taking the stand today being Danny Ryan, whom Hyde had shot the night he kidnapped Mia. Ryan was still suffering some nerve damage, but he had mostly recovered. He was still off work on disability, and it was doubtful if he would ever be able to return as one of our security staff.

I had been very concerned about Ana's health while she was on the stand. I was afraid her morning sickness would return, and she did feel nauseated that morning. She'd thrown up before we'd left our home, but once we were at the courthouse, she was determined to hold up as well as Mia had, and she did. She was brilliant.

We wanted to wait a few weeks before telling anyone our news. Ana and I had agreed that we needed to take some time for ourselves to get used to the idea of becoming parents before telling our family. Also, we knew there was a greater chance of something going wrong this early in her pregnancy. Surprisingly, though, we were a lot further along than Dr. Greene at first thought we could be. According to her, our due date was only one week behind Ros and Gwen's, November 17. We were already into the second trimester now. Ana had already been pregnant when she'd had that sinus infection, but she hadn't had much morning sickness until later. She had realized she had a bit of swelling in her abdomen, but she thought it was related to the stomach bug we thought she had. But no, she was already beginning to show! She had the most adorable little baby bump that was growing a little each day! And there was no question that I was much more thrilled with that discovery than Ana was, but as the days passed, she was slowly warming up to the idea of our little bean. She was still freaked the fuck out, but we still had time to figure it out, so I wasn't worried.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017:

The state didn't actually rest their case until over a week later, on the following Monday, and then the defense did their part, but they didn't have much of a case. Jack Hyde was pleading not guilty, but all of the evidence was stacked against him, and his attorney knew they didn't have a chance in hell. The entire trial was a waste of time and tax payers' dollars. Hyde was going down. His own defense rested their case, and the closing statements were given at the end of the day on Wednesday. Court adjourned until the following day, when the jury would begin their deliberations. Hopefully, it wouldn't take them long to reach their guilty verdict.

Thursday, June 22, 2017:

Indeed, it only took about three hours on Thursday morning for the jury to reach the obvious conclusions of guilty for every charge that the prosecution brought against Jack Hyde. Thank God, it was over, and the outcome was exactly what we had expected and hoped for!

We still had to wait a few weeks for sentencing, and then another month or two for the federal trial. The asshole would not be getting out of prison, probably ever. We could sleep easier tonight. I hoped that Mia would be able to sleep. I knew her nightmares had never gone away and were worse now that she'd been forced to relive everything. She was going to be OK, though. Her golden boy would be returning from France in a couple of weeks, and then… time would tell. I hoped Ana was right that they weren't compatible, and Mia would realize it before he broke her heart.

Monday, June 26, 2017:

The trial being over, Ana and I were finally able to get to work on Monday morning. I was back in full force at GEH, and Ana was beginning her first day at SIP.

I waited until around 10 a.m. for her to find her feet there, and then I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to know how she was doing. I picked up my private cell phone and called her own private number, which she'd promised to keep on vibrate. We anticipated that she would have her own office, a perk she'd worked out with Jerry Roach only because of her secret identity as the owner. She answered her phone almost immediately.

"I wondered how long it would take you," she answered, and I could hear her smile. "I'm fine. No nausea all morning. I feel healthy and energetic. And I'm in my private office as we planned, so I can talk more openly that I would be able to if I were in a little cubby like most interns. Stop worrying."

"How are things at SIP?" I asked her once I knew she herself was fine and that she could answer the question honestly without fear of being overheard.

She sighed, which sounded ominous. "Not good, Christian. SIP is in a bigger mess than we'd realized. I understood Jerry Roach's vision of keeping things small and family-like, but I wasn't expecting all the family drama. I'm really second guessing my strategy now. I don't know if I'm going to be able to stay undercover. I might need to show my hand earlier than I'd planned. I really didn't want to do that, though."

Well, at least the finances looked OK, and with the upcoming merger with Acorn Publishing, things would be even healthier. That didn't account for inter-office disputes, though. I wondered if Ana was going to need to clean house. Maybe the staff from Acorn would be a better fit for Ana's vision for her publishing house.

"What are your plans for lunch today?" I asked her. I was supposed to have a lunch meeting with Ros and Sebastian, but I could reschedule it if she needed me.

"I've already asked Roach to have lunch so I can talk about all this inter-office drama outside of the office. I think he probably knows more about it than he's letting on. To everyone here, it looks like he's taking his new intern out for a lunch meeting. He's the only one here who knows I have the authority to fire him."

"Don't hesitate to do that if it needs to be done. You can do a better job…"

She cut me off. "Don't start, Christian. I'm not ready to run this place, especially not now that…you know. We're going to be busy at home. But I do agree that I shouldn't hesitate to fire him if he isn't leading well. I can hire another CEO until I'm ready to do it myself. Maybe an interim CEO. I don't know yet."

"We should meet with the Acorn CEO," I suggested. "You might want to keep him on."

"Didn't you think he was an asshole?" she asked.

"He was, but…"

She cut me off again, "No, I think what this place needs is a fresh start. A new person. Not me, but somebody who will run it like I would if I had more experience."

"You've already given it a lot of thought," I noted.

"Yeah, I was already afraid of this even back in April and early May when I had more time to think about it. Today has confirmed a lot of my hunches. I had already started researching potential replacements, just in case. I have a few people in mind, but let's see how it goes with Roach first."

I suggested, "How about I take my wife out to celebrate her first day at SIP after work tonight? We can either go straight to a restaurant of your choice, or we can go home and change first. Whatever you prefer."

I could hear her smile as she told me, "Let's wait and see how hungry we are and play it by ear."

I could do that.

Friday, June 30, 2017:

It turned out that not only did Roach know about all of the infighting, but he was encouraging it! Ana was so disappointed with him when she uncovered the truth, not from him directly, but by talking one-on-one with most of the staff. They were more open with her than they would have been if they'd known she owned the company, or even that I did, since that information wasn't out there yet. Since they thought she was just a summer intern, they didn't think she mattered. How wrong they were!

Beginning on Friday of the same week she started, Ana started cleaning house, with my help and complete support. We shook up the place just with the announcement that I had purchased SIP a few months ago, which nobody had known until then except for Roach and a couple of others at the top. Of course, we kept it secret that I'd transferred the company to Ana when I'd planned to kill myself. Nobody would ever know that second piece of knowledge, and it would be a while before people knew the first part of it. Ana wanted to keep it under wraps for as long as possible. As my wife, she already had an advantage, and people were going to treat her differently now. But there was no avoiding that. She insisted that she could still keep her place as a nobody so she would have time to learn the company before trying to lead it. I wasn't convinced, but I felt confident she would find the right balance between leading and learning.

The first person to go was Jerry Roach himself. We offered him what I considered a very kind severance package. He was old enough to go ahead and start drawing his pension, too, so we simply called it an early retirement. He wasn't the only one we fired that day; the trouble makers had to go, too. There were three who were the source of all the issues, according to Ana's undercover research, and she decided it was best to just nip the issues in the bud by getting rid of them. Of course, I had the duty of being the one to let them go. I would be temporarily acting as the CEO until we could hire a new one, which Ana believed she could accomplish very quickly, hopefully by the end of July if one of the people she wanted would agree to it. The new CEO would know Ana's position from the beginning, but they would sign a nondisclosure agreement that included a clause about keeping Ana's ownership of SIP a secret until the time came that Ana herself was ready to reveal it.

Once the bad apples had been removed from the barrel, Ana laid out her plan for the next few weeks, which I was completely behind. We discussed it over dinner that night. She set herself up as my personal assistant as the CEO of SIP, and she realized that keeping that position with the new CEO would be advantageous. As my personal assistant, she would be expected to attend the job interviews for the CEO. Only the people being interviewed would know that Ana was actually in charge of the interviews. I was merely there to support her and give the impression that I was in charge. Of course, the new CEO would have a full-time assistant once Ana went to part-time when she started her MBA classes. But keeping her position as the CEO's second personal assistant would give her the direct contact with the CEO that she needed to maintain her place of leadership as the owner.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017:

Ana didn't waste any time contacting the people she wanted on the following Monday, and she set up phone interviews with them for that Wednesday, after the holiday. There were three candidates, two women and one man. Two of them were already based in Seattle; one was in Portland and would be expected to move if she look the job. One of them was actually already an employee of SIP, but she wasn't on my radar yet because she was just an editor. Granted, she was a commissioning editor, but still… I wasn't optimistic about her ability to lead the company she currently worked for.

I cleared my schedule for SIP that Wednesday, and we conducted phone interviews of all three potential CEO's. One of them, the one based in Portland, declined the offer over the phone. She didn't want to leave her current position or move to Seattle. The other two were interested. Ana invited them for interviews that Friday, and they both were able to clear their schedules at short notice for one-hour interviews.

Friday, July 7, 2017:

We kept the interviews informal, choosing to meet for lunch with one of them and dinner with the other, both in our private room at Ciel de Grey. Louis had only arrived back from France a week ago, and we had celebrated Independence Day with our launch of the dinner service at Ciel de Grey, led by our new French chef. It was a great success. If not for our private room, getting a table might have been a problem. Of course, being Christian Grey, I didn't have any such issues.

The lunch interviewee was a guy named Saul De Carlo. He was the current CEO of Mount Baker Publications, a small publishing house not all that different than SIP. I thought the guy was an arrogant son of a bitch who was more full of himself than knowledge of the publishing world. Ana knew he had a good reputation, that his company had published some best sellers in the past couple of years, so he definitely had staff who could spot talent. The most I got from the interview was the seed that I should look into acquiring Mount Baker Publications to merge with SIP and Acorn. I could create a powerhouse, if that's what Ana wanted.

Ana seemed deep in thought after the lunch interview. I could tell that she wasn't as impressed with Mr. De Carlo as she had expected to be. He seemed too eager to leave his current job to me. When Ana described the potential job, he jumped rather quickly at the opportunity. Both of us saw red flags in that, particularly because SIP was so similar to Mount Baker. It didn't really seem like a move up. Why would he want to jump ship at Mount Baker so quickly unless that ship was sinking? I told Ana that I wanted to look more closely at Mount Baker to find out what was going on there. She agreed, knowing exactly what my intentions were. If they were healthy, we would begin the process of acquiring them. If not, Ana would have the advantage of knowing that information, which could be very useful for the new and improved SIP.

The dinner interview was more to our liking, even though it was the SIP employee that I hadn't expected to impress me. Hannah Montgomery was not much older than Ana, but her knowledge of the publishing world was vast. She was already convinced that SIP would have a much better success rate now that Jerry Roach had been sacked, along with those three members of his staff. She was able to outline changes that she thought the company needed to take right away to see recovery and growth, and I could see from Ana's facial expressions that she agreed with her.

I wasn't surprised that Ms. Montgomery was familiar with the recent publications of SIP, but I was impressed at her knowledge of the recent publications of Acorn, Mount Baker, and several other publishing houses in the Pacific Northwest. All this, and she wasn't even working as the head of a publishing house. When had she had time to do all of this research while she was working as just an editor?

It turned out that Ana knew Hannah because they'd been in the same courses in the MBA program at U-Dubb, but Hannah had completed her degree while Ana had deferred hers for one year. Hannah had the same ambition to head a publishing house as Ana did, and she had experience working in a publishing house. Not just any publishing house, but the very one that we were asking her to lead.

There was no question as to why Ms. Montgomery would want to jump at this job opportunity. It was a fantastic opportunity for her. And I was all for it for two very important reasons. Number one, Hannah had drive and charisma, and I easily identified her as a strong leader who could get the job done. Number two, she respected Ana, and they got along well. There seemed to be this chemistry between them, like they were completely on the same page. So, Hannah not only could get the job done, but she would do it in a way that Ana wanted. Oh, and there was a third quality that I liked about Ms. Montgomery. She seemed teachable and not full of herself. I could mentor both of them the same way Ana wanted me to mentor her. And together, their partnership could be just the thing that SIP needed. When I made this suggestion, both of their eyes lit up like the sun. I knew then that our decision had already been made.

As we were eating dessert, which was a decadent chocolate souffle, I asked Ms. Montgomery, "So, when can you start?"

She looked surprised, and she glanced at Ana for confirmation, as she knew now that Ana was the true person in charge as the owner of SIP. When Ana nodded with a smile, Ms. Montgomery laughed and answered me, "Well, how about tomorrow?"

Ana shook her head. "No, I think we ought to spend the month of July with Christian still in charge. Or, at least, let's make it appear that he's still the person in charge. I don't want to give the impression that we're promoting you because we're desperate. Let's keep the information about your promotion to CEO to ourselves for a couple of weeks. I believe you're the best person for the job, but I'm not sure all your colleagues are going to understand why we chose you. So I think that you and I ought to work on an action plan over the next couple of weeks. Then, at the end of the month, we can get Christian to announce you as our CEO."

Ms. Montgomery nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense."

Monday, July 10, 2017:

It was a good thing Ana had had the foresight to wait to announce Ms. Montgomery as CEO because, as it turned out, Ana herself was distracted and busy the next week… at the hospital with Ray and Patrice. Ana's baby brother was on his way, and Patrice wanted Ana to be there for the delivery!

Ana called me that Monday morning at around 10:30 to tell me that Ray had called her and that she was on her way to the Swedish Hospital at First Hill, where Ray and Patrice had arranged to have the baby. According to Ray, Patrice's labor had already started the previous night, but she'd waited for her contractions to get closer together before heading to the hospital.

I checked in with Ana around noon, and Patrice was still in labor. Ana said they were doing well, just waiting. I decided to join her after work, and I sat in the waiting room with my mom, Patrice's parents, and Patrice's sister Germaine, who had flown in from Chicago just this morning.

We waited a total of nineteen hours and thirty-five since Patrice had first gone into labor. Then, at 6:04 p.m., Raymond Edward Steele, Jr. was born. Ana said he had Ray's blue eyes, which came as a surprise because brown eyes are dominant. Mother and baby were doing well, and Ray was beside himself with happiness.

Ana herself was also overjoyed. And as she kissed me when she joined me in the waiting room, she whispered in my ear that our turn was coming next. I knew then that she had fully embraced the idea that we were going to be parents. I had been afraid that seeing it would turn her off from it, make her even more afraid of it. But no, she said she had witnessed a miracle, and she was in awe. She still wasn't thrilled with the timing of our little bean, but she knew we would figure it out.