My Other Worldly Harem Curb Stomp is Wrong as Expected (SNAFU)

Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru is created by Wataru Watari and published by Shogakukan.

Familiar of Zero is made by Noboru Yamaguchi and is published by Media Factory (though I only know the J.C. Staff production).

Neither is owned by me nor do I have any power over them.

Louis had said that classes for the rest of the day were canceled. Normally there would be a familiar bonding session in the afternoon, but after the ruckus, the teachers believed that an afternoon of rest would be the best for students.

The small gathering ended with Kirke and Tabatha grabbing a sleeping blonde with drills from the shaded tree. Once again I was left alone with Louis. The courtyard was peaceful as the soft sounds of the fountain played along with the soft humming of birds. The night was starting as the sun had dripped behind the walls of the castle housing the occupants of a town. The small girl stood awkwardly away from me, not quite looking at me, but keeping myself in her sight.

I went to speak but the words would not come. What could I say to her? She had gone to get me help, she did worry about me. Despite the constant argument she made for her nobility, and how commoners were below them, she still came to me in a time of need. "Thank you," I let the words out. They were spoken as quietly as the breeze, but they caused her head to fling up to gaze at me with those pretty pink eyes. The soft light made her look ethereal like a fairy as twinkling stars began to come from the fading blue sky.

She also looked to start talking but caught herself. Straightening her shoulders she started with a serious face, "Well of course, familiar. We are connected." She stood so proud I couldn't help the snort that came out. Her face began to redden, "Now see here familiar. What are you laughing at."

And that broke the dam of giggles at the absurdity of everything. All of this was just crazy, and here she is still trying to do that. "Louis,"

"Master!" she started.

"Louis, you already called me my name."

She stopped fuming for a moment and looked to be in thought. Flying up to the tower we lived I saw the blue dragon perched on a window. This is truly absurd.

"Well, of course, I did. I was worried about you." She spoke with an even deeper blush, trailing off into some words I couldn't hear.

"I know I am not what you are expecting," I started, I squatted slightly to be on her level, "but, I do think we can work together."

"What do you mean?"

I dropped my hand on her head and gave it a slight pat. "Instead of Master and Familiar, we can be Louis and Hikigaya. I'll help you and you help me try to get home?"

A myriad of emotions played across her face. Anger, frustration, until finally, acceptance. "For now that will have to do. But you still will be my familiar, got it." She pushed my hand off her head and pointed at me with sharp fingers. Luckily I have a much longer reach so my eye was not punctured by the vicious swing.

"Now, first step in treating me like a human, a bed."

"Why, was the one I made not good enough for you." She looked honestly upset that the pile of hay was not up to my standards. How does one even respond to that?

I chose option 3, silence.

It was super effective.

Despite Evidence, Even Louis can be Nice

Magical lights started up in the halls as we walked them, and the passageways were alight without command at need. Louis led me to a door that she calmly knocked on to reveal, the same girl from the fountain. Was it really her or was this just a generic copy-and-paste person?

Her dark eyes lit up with joy as she gripped my arms. What no dialogue before combat? What the heck! "Hikigaya. It is so good to see you well. I heard about your little fight, how could you go fighting a noble like that." Stop please, I cannot handle this at all. "I am so thankful you are safe. Did you get the food I left, did you like it?"

So many words, so fast. Confusion again. This has to be the same girl as before. It was… Shoot. Did I not get her name? That is awkward.

Lucky for me Louis was not affected by [grab] nor [confusion], but unlucky she was mantled with [jealousy]. "What do you think you are doing to my familiar, wench." Her fiery person lit behind her like a Su*er Sa*en.

The grab condition ended on me as the girl who would make bank at a maid cafe turned to the shorter girl. "I am sorry ma'am. Is there anything I can help you with today?" Despite the professional tone, the look on her face was irritated.

"There was but now I want to know what gives you the right to manhandle my familiar like that!" She shouted at the well-endowed maid. Why is it that everywhere in this world people are trying to fight all of the time?

The maid went to speak but I cut her off, "We would like to get a large collection of blankets." I am too tired to deal with this bullshit, and my stomach was still cramping from being kicked by sentient metal. If I get involved in one more fight today I'll. What. What will I do?

"Ara, now what would you need those for mister." She looked at me like a predator. Holy cow.

"I am planning on making a futon. To sleep on the ground." I did not match her provocation.

"No need for that, my bed is big enough for two." If I was drinking I would have spit-taken right there. What? What? WHAT? What did she just say? Call down Hachiman. Think about this clearly. There is no way she meant that. Not THAT. What is my life? I think I am broken. Luckily Louis wasn't. Right?

Turning my head like a stuck robot, clicking and her face burned crimson as her body shook slightly. In her hand was that wand, and already I knew what would happen.

Time stood still until the wand was raised up and she started "FIRE-"

"And here are those blankets ma'am," A bundle was dropped into her outstretched arm, breaking the concentration. She looked up from the blankets into the sweet and innocent face of the maid girl. "Anything else I can help you with," she spoke with a voice sweeter than honey.

"No?" Louis said, still looking at her in bewilderment.

"Then I wish you a goodnight." She did a deep bow and shut the door with efficiency, leaving the two of us silent in her wake.

Nothing much else was said that night.

There is something special about the Japanese futon. It is a great way to have a wonderful sleep without taking up space during the day. I sleep on a European bed, normally, but when visiting my grandparents when they were alive I did use a futon. The pile of blankets I made on the floor was nothing like a well-made futon but was one million times better than the floor. I even had a warm comforter to keep the cool air away. It was a good night's sleep, that is for sure.

He woke with the rising sun. Efficiently dressing in some spare clothes that appeared in the pile of blankets they were gifted, he grabbed Louis's for the day. He was dressed in the male uniform of this school sans the cloak. The material was not quite up to his standard, but the wool did not scratch at least.

He used a bell to wake her that day, something that seemed to avoid the violence of the previous day. As she stretched, though with her body silhouetted with the rising sun wearing only a thin nightgown, she truly did look exquisitely beautiful, like a mythical creature. "I picked out your clothes, I'll head out now."

Without waiting for a response I ducked out, the slight blush on my face showing what I really thought that morning. I went to the bathroom and finished preparing. Then waited for her to do the same.

They attend breakfast together, with an odd tension that he couldn't explain between them. She didn't bother him as he ate, however, and he did her the favor of not attempting small talk.

"So classes today were modified." She spoke quietly.

"Mhmm," I responded with a bit of toast in my mouth.

"All day familiar class."

"Meaning?"

"You need to come with me and 'bond.'"

I agreed and we went back to silence. Sweet silence. I love silence so much.

We then walked to the courtyard that had started to become the most common place I went to pass the time. People were already there. Drills stood with a small bird that sang on the winds. Kirche played with a salamander which was as large as a wolf and breathed flames that danced to her control in a beautiful display. Her face had a look of pure joy as she did. Tabatha, the girl with blue hair, sat on her dragon's back as it danced in the wind pulling off spectacular tricks in what had to be a fun ride, though the girl just sat there reading with a deadpan expression.

Others did various things with their strange monsters, usually using magic in some way. "Wow, everyone is training so hard," Louis said next to me in awe. This was working hard. It looked like when Yuigahama played with Sable. I looked down to confirm and noticed, yes this was serious. What even was this world?

"So why is everyone 'working so hard'" I tried to not make it sound like I was mocking it, I don't know if she caught on or not, but she didn't look upset. That probably meant I was safe.

"Next week is the Day of the Void," She says it like Christmas. "And the Princess will be here this year!"

"Ok?"

"Don't you understand?" She turned to me and blew out a puff of air. Miss. How am I supposed to know anything? I got here two days ago. Calm down Hachiman that won't help.

"Can't say I do," I chose instead.

"The day of the void is a holiday celebrating Brimir the great founder." Wow, maybe I was summoned into a new world and to a crazy cult. "And the princess will watch the progression of familiars in person this year." And that mattered because. Sadly I couldn't say that as pure jubilation expressed itself on the small girl.

"Yes," I nodded sagely. I really don't know what to do here.

"So what are you good at?" She turned to me still excited.

I took to rubbing the back of my head with my hand. "I am fairly talented at the humanities, especially Japanese Literature."

Her smile fell into nothing. "So you are useless." She spoke with dripping disappointment. Well, now she can join my parents, Yukinoshita, and, well, everyone else too in thinking that. Goodbye what little self-esteem I still had, it was nice to know you. "Well, I guess we can get you some clothes, armor, and a weapon. That way you at least look presentable.

I think I'm gonna cry. That hit a little too hard.

Sorry for the delay everyone. I updated all the previous chapters with a little help from Bluecookie420. Life is pretty bad right now. I hope this brings smiles to all of your faces though!

See you next time!