Chapter 1: Block-Bash
Hancock Lane is home to two distinct families in southern Ottington: the Pings and the Louds. Just from the sight of their adjacent homes, onlookers can see their defining, yet conflicting characteristics. Small vs. large; quiet vs. boisterous; orderly vs. chaotic. In all respects, unaware bystanders would think that these households would have at least a one-sided rivalry between each other based on these conditions. Yet, these families have achieved a peaceful co-existence that even bordered on symbiotic at times. And one of the factors that brought this into effect was their shared hosting of the neighborhood's annual Labor Day potluck/block party to close out the summer break, an event that evolved from the first supper the two families shared. This neighborhood event was also open to anyone (with a pitch-in fee/dish offering naturally), usually friends and distant relatives. Of course, this all would have been for naught if the children were incapable of gelling with each other…
– –09/3/2012– –
It was noon when a white, hatchback sedan parked near a police barricade. "OK, niños," said a matronly voice from the driver's seat, "We're here." "Here" referred to the decently sized block party just beyond the barrier.
Being the first to come out of his family's car, a teenage boy of Afro-Cuban descent sauntered towards the festival's entrance, dressed in a jersey-over-a-T-shirt combo, a pocket-watch-turned-medallion, and headphones. "Yo, chicos and chiquitas!" he boldly proclaimed, "The fiesta can finally start now that the Cam-Man is here!"
"Camillio! Get back here and help me with the food!" shouted his mother's voice. This was enough to cause the boy to falter and walk back the car as a younger girl of similar complexion swapped places with him.
"Cam is such an idiota," giggled the girl as she made her way to the party. Out of the roving mass of kids that were present, she spotted the two she expected. "¡Oye, gemelas de Loud!"
The gemelas in question consisted of two Caucasian girls in a pink Moxie Wheels toy jeep who, despite being biological twins and donning matching sunglasses, appeared as different as night and day. The one in the driver seat wore a long pink dress, matching evening gloves, and a tiara that was hard to discern its authenticity. The other who was riding shotgun sported a red worker's cap turned backward, blue overalls, and random splatters of dirt and grime all over her. They stopped their ride and lowered their glasses simultaneously; their feigned "business" expressions gave way to feelings of joy to see their new guest. "Angelina! You made it!"
"It's nice to see you see guys, too" the now identified girl replied excitedly. "How have you been?"
"Well, you're looking that this year's Little Ms. Ottington!" gloated the girl in pink. "At least, you will by the end of next month. There's nothing wrong with a little hype, right?"
"You actually have to win first," snarked the overalls girl, earning her a venomous glare from her counterpart. "As for me, I've been tinkering with all the family cars to make them even better. Heck, this baby is practically street legal now." This was emphasized by her slapping the car's side.
"Wow, that's so cool, Lana!" Angelina gushed. "Not that your news is any less awesome, Lola" she quickly added when the glare was turned towards her.
"So, do you want a ride to the games on the other side?" Lola asked.
"You bet!" Angelina responded hopping into the jeep's "trunk", and the trio rode off.
Meanwhile, Cam and his mother were each carrying a pair of food cases to an arrangement of tables spread in front of two houses. The food station was manned by two other adults. "¡Hola, Lynn! ¡Hola, Sue!" greeted Cam's mother.
"Oh, hello, Maria!" said the Korean-American woman by the name of Sue Ping. "We were worried that you weren't going to make it."
"It would have been a shame, too," added the Caucasian man a.k.a. Lynn Loud, Sr. "I've been looking forward to your world-famous empanadas!"
"Oh, stop; they're not that great," the now identified Maria Martinez playfully self-abased.
"Hey, Mr. L? Mrs. P?" Cam piped up after laying his burden on the table. "Do you know where my L-Boys are at?"
"Well, Lincoln is holding a video game tournament in my living room (which I hope stays clean)," Mrs. Ping answered. "As for Lee, he's been upstairs doing who knows what."
"Alright, thanks for the info, Mrs. P," Cam blurted before rushing into the Ping residence, leaving the adults to parley.
"So, I take it that your other halves are running late again?" Mrs. Martinez observed with sympathy as she got behind the table to help serve out food.
"Yes," Mrs. Ping sighed. "I know his work is important, but it's Labor Day! His bosses really need to consider their employees' families."
"No need to worry," Mr. Loud reassured. "Rita said she'll pick him up and be back in time for the concert."
"So, how about the rest of the Loud clan?" Mrs. Martinez decided to switch subjects.
"Well, Lucy has her spooky tent for fortune-telling and séances," Mr. Loud recalled with a bit of a shudder.
"My dark powers reveal that, in 25 years, you'll be wiped off the face of the earth by impossible circumstances," were the words of a pale skinned girl with pitch-black bangs concealing her eyes. It was no coincidence that her gloomy attire matched her visage and demeanor.
"Well, that's reassuring," muttered her client, a teen brunette with a strange scarlet streak running through her hair.
"It's not all bad," Lucy reassured. "Before then, it's foreseen that you will take part in an important adventure."
"Lynn, Jr. set up the wrestling ring and is wagering a few of her trophies to anyone that can pin her down for the count."
"Has anyone come close?" asked Mrs. Martinez.
"1! 2! 3!" announced a child in a referee uniform. "And that's another one down by Lunatic Lynn!"
The victor rose up, drawing attention to her red & white jersey, red shorts, and her red, black, & blue luchador mask. "Do you wanna try again?" she smugly asked her fallen opponent, already knowing the answer.
The challenger, a teenage boy with a strawberry blond pompadour with green coloration in the front, could only mutter a negative moan while he was lying on the ground.
Lynn chuckled before turning her attention to the small crowd. "Who's next?"
"Not a one," Mr. Loud said proudly. "Luan is putting on a one-woman routine…"
"… And how about those mosquitos?" said a yellow & white clad brunette, showing her braces as she spoke. "If you ask me, they're the only part of summer that really sucked! Hahahahahahaha! Get it?"
Instead of roaring laughter, the small audience gave off a collective groan towards Luan. All save for a sole teenage girl of East Asian descent, whose eye that wasn't obscured by her magenta bang just stared; she seemed to mull over the aspiring comedian's performance.
"… with mixed results," the Loud patriarch stated nervously.
"I swear, some people need to work on their sense of humor," Mrs. Ping pouted, being one of the few people that found Luan's puns funny.
"Leni has gotten into face-painting recently, so she's doing that for the younger kids…"
"And now, you're a cute little dragon boy!" a blonde girl in a green dress with white-rimmed sunglasses raised above her eyes told her subject.
Her current client, a teenage boy whose black taper cut hair was peppered with teal flecks, looked in the mirror to see the results. Sure enough, his face was painted to resemble some sort of reptilian creature, but there was something missing. "Uh, you forgot to add the flame plumes."
"No, I didn't," Leni answered, then pointing at the cheeks in the boy's reflection. As it so happens, his cheeks each had a fiery colored fruit of the plant Prunus Prunus. "See?"
"Those are plums; I asked for plumes," the boy grumbled. "You know? Like smoke coming out of a chimney?"
"Dragons don't smoke, silly!" Leni laughed, missing the point. "By the way, the paint is still wet," she added when the boy cupped his face with his hands.
Unfortunately, he found out too late as he lifted his face, saw the messed-up paint in his hands, and turned to the mirror to see his distorted visage. "OH, COME ON!"
"…and Lisa is giving one of her lectures, but she really needs to learn her audience..."
"… And that is why we are less than 50 years away before humanity can unlock the secrets to traversing the time-space continuum to any previous era. Any questions?" finished a small brunette in a green sweater and maroon pants with large rimmed glasses atop a podium. Behind her was a massive blackboard covered in various formulas and equations.
Her audience, mostly composed of curious adult neighbors, was left confused but too proud to ask her anything. That is to save one member: a young African-American man with dreadlocks that seemed to have orange hair mixed in with the regular black. "Professor Loud, would it be at all possible to travel forwards through time?"
"An intriguing inquiry," Lisa acknowledged. "This process to perfect this alternative would prove difficult as that involves temporal-spatial displacement where the traveler's matter avoids rematerializing in a position occupied with different objects…" And thus, another lecture was made.
"If she's this smart now, I'm scared to what she'll become when she's my age," Mr. Loud gulped.
"I see," Mrs. Martinez plainly surmised. "Wait a minute, I know that you've got a few more left."
"Since we ended up getting more people than we thought this year, Lori, Lana, and Lola had stepped up to keep the younger kids in line."
A small group of assorted kids shuddered in fear in w under the glare of an imposing, teenage blonde. "I'm going to say this once, and I expect you to obey it to the letter," the young woman sternly commanded. "The bushes are not port-a-potties. If you need to go, head into the closest open-door home to use their bathroom. Got it?"
The frightened children nodded nervously, hoping to not set off their older peer.
"That's better," replied the young woman clad in a blue t-shirt and khaki shorts before addressing the twin blondes on each of her sides. "Lana, Lola, you can let them out now."
"You got it, Lori!" Lana responded, unlocking the kids' holding cell that was lovingly called the Time-Out Pen. Now free, the children rushed out, with some straying off to a few of the houses to answer the call of nature.
"And if anyone goes in the Loud House, they better leave it cleaner than when they found it! Or else!" Lola roared threateningly.
Lori sighed. "This day can't end soon enough."
"Poo-poo!" babbled a voice behind her. Lori turned around to see little Lily, the literal baby of the family, tugging at her leg.
"Please let that mean that you're just agreeing with me and not––" her words died in her mouth when the dreaded odor emanating from a giggling Lily confirmed her worst fears.
"Maybe it's a bit much to also put Lily in their care," Mrs. Ping surmised.
"Nah, they can handle it," Mr. Loud boasted.
"Of course," Mrs. Martinez spoke up, "we can't forget our three artistas musicales. Camillio has been teasing us about their selection the past week."
The sight Cam was treated inside the Ping home was a nearly packed living room filled pre-teens huddled together with their eyes glued to the screen. Among them were four that seemed to have death-grips on video game controllers.
'Dang, bro,' Cam wondered, 'What could make these kids so agro?' He soon answered his own question by looking at the TV. "Whoa, you guys are taking Triple-A way too seriously."
Triple-A is the nickname for the crossover fighting game franchise Awesome Assault Associates which pitted a roster of nearly 50 characters (most of whom are owned by the gaming company Wintendo) against each other in knock-out-of-frame combat. It was the go-to PVP game for pre-teens that are forbidden from the FPS games by their parents. "Game!" proclaimed the in-game announcer. "The winner is… Bond!"
While his three opponents hung their heads, a peculiar boy stood up and boasted "Oh, yeah! Undefeated!" The clear victor stood out from the crowd due to both his orange polo and white hair.
"Dang, Poco Blanco!" Cam exclaimed when he saw the results, "You didn't have to massacre them!"
"Oh, hey, Cam!" the boy welcomed the late-comer. "You should have come in at the start when I gave these guys a virtual butt-whooping."
"Thanks for the reminder, Lincoln," uttered one of the players sarcastically.
Cam smirked at the display. The sole Loud son was one of the few younger kids he considered a kindred spirit. "I'm guessing that was the last round?"
"Yup," Lincoln answered, "We're going to start a racing gauntlet soon; you're welcome to join us."
"Thanks for the offer, bro. But I need to check in with a certain duo. Speaking of which, where are they?"
"Luna's in the garage, brushing up some tunes. As for Lee, he's– "
"'Stuck in his room?'" finished Cam. "Yeah, Mrs. P already told me. Any idea on what he's up to?"
Lincoln shook his head. "He's only ever come out for food and bathroom trips. I tried catching him while waiting for my times to play, but he'd only say that it's confidential."
"Yo, Lincoln!" shouted a feminine voice, "Are you going to leave us hanging or are we going to play?!"
"I'll be right there!" Lincoln shouted before turning to Cam one last time. "Maybe you can ask him?"
"Gotcha, hermano," Cam replied before heading upstairs. It wasn't like Lee to be a shut-in on this day as far he remembered. This was either a serious matter or he's finally grown tired of the festivities like the rest of their class.
Inside his room of organized chaos, a teenaged boy of Korean descent with a peculiar head of red-black hair decked in green attire had isolated himself into poring every amount of time on his personal project. At least he was until he felt an unseen presence of people viewing him. To acknowledge this invisible audience, he started to speak:
"Hey, Lee Ping here. You're probably wondering what I'm doing cooped up inside in my room while the remnants of summer are passing me by. Well, I just put the finishing touches on that anniversary gift I told you about last time. It was tough going considering what I had to work with. You see, while my family has stayed the same size, the Loud House has nearly doubled in size with the addition of 5 girls. I'm sure you already spotted them if only for a short while."
"Yo, dude!" called out a voice from the other side of the door, "what are you doing in there?"
"Cam?!" Lee asked in surprise. "Just a second!" he shouted back before returning to his work. "Just need to add my signature… And, done." Satisfied with his work, Lee placed his finished artwork into one of two art folio cases before opening the door to reveal his somewhat shorter friend.
"So…" Cam began, "What is, bro? I hear you've been bailing on most of the fiesta."
The partial redhead sighed before pulling his friend inside his bedroom and shutting the door. "Promise me that you'll say nothing about this before I reveal it myself."
"Dude, this is me you're talking about," Cam remarked. "How about a vote of confidence?"
"Eh, good point," Lee gave in before opening one of the art folios and taking out the canvas board with a finished art piece.
This meticulously crafted work depicted a teenage girl shredding on her guitar, both sharing a violet color scheme; she had an open-mouthed smile that signified singing. The background resembled a stage with a light-laden sign that read "Luna Loud".
"Whoa, Holmes," Cam grinned, "I didn't realize you were taking this approach; my money was on you serenading her."
"What?! No!" Lee sputtered. "It's not like that! Besides I've made stuff like this for all the Louds." He then proceeded to open the art folio that contained 5 other complete canvases. "See?"
"Sure, Bro," Cam smugly replied. "Guess that means a certain someone else no longer has competition, huh?" This earned him a playful slug to the arm from his redhead compatriot. "Ow! I was just kidding, Pong-Man!"
"So was I," Lee laughed, "Anyway, I guess we should probably meet up with Luna to prepare for the main event."
Inside the Ping family's garage, there was a certain girl that looked she leaped off Lee's painting, with the matching guitar, violet rocker outfit (tattered skull shirt, belted skirt, and boots), pixie haircut, and earrings that resembled paperclips. With her back to the black SUV that shared the room with her, she strummed some random chords in search of a new melody. This cadenza helped her to process some things that have been pressing as of late.
'I just don't get it. I know Lori's friends weren't interested in the block party anymore, but I figured some of our class would be here,' she mused. 'I guess the event being mostly kid-focused might be the reason. It doesn't make it right though.'
Her musical meditation soon came to a halt as the connecting door opened to reveal her two contemporary compatriots.
"Luna-Saloona!" Cam greeted, "Guess who I managed to release from solitary!"
"Thank you, Cam," Luna grinned, playing along, "And good afternoon to you, love."
Lee gave a sheepish smile. "Sorry for keeping you waiting; I was in the zone."
"No worries, dude; we're here now," Luna returned. "So, can we narrow down the hits we're going to play?"
"If I remember correctly, we each get to choose two before we play our one original," Lee pondered. "I'm gonna go with the Reefer Bros.'s 'Hearken to the Harmony' and BC/AD's 'Highway to Heaven'."
"You're really banking on the oldies, bro," Cam smirked. "I'm down with it. Let's rep some Cedar Valley with 'How I Could Just Merc a Kid' and Carlos Santviento's 'Maria Maria'." This got a look from his peers. "Relax, they'll be safe for the niños," he reassured them. "What have you come up with, Loud?"
"Ah, you know you me, Cam," the freckled girl shrugged in a faux British accent, "I gotta stick with my classic blokes! 'My Generation' by The What and 'Route 66' by Mick Swagger's the Stalking Rocks are my picks."
"Alright, enough talk," Lee commanded while grabbing his violin from the stand, "Let's warm-up!"
"Aw, yeah!" Cam shouted in excitement. "Grand Master Cam-Man featuring No Strings Attached is ready for their end-of-summer gig!"
"You mean 'No Strings Attached feat. G.M. Cam-Man', right?" Luna stated with a raised eyebrow.
"Same thing, bro," Cam defended.
Lee covered his mouth to restrain the urge to laugh.
Just as the sun nearly vanished from view and their food table now completely barren, the three "single" parents noticed two figures approaching that were all too familiar with them, for better or worse.
"Hi, dear," said the mature blonde to Mr. Loud, "Sorry we're late. The good doctor's project lasted longer than we thought."
"Ah, don't worry, Rita," Mr. Loud replied, "You both are doing important work."
"At least she doesn't have to go on long business trips," Mrs. Ping grumbled. "Isn't that right, Alfred?"
The now-named Asian-American scientist rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "I know; I know. I'm sorry, dear."
"At least you made it in time for our kids' performance," Mrs. Martinez said to clear the tension. "They should be ready now. ¡Vamonos!"
"Shouldn't we take care of the scraps?" Mrs. Loud asked while addressing the mostly empty food trays.
"Relax, honey," Mr. Loud convinced her. "We can deal with it after the concert."
And with that, the parental quintet made their way towards the Ping household's garage where all the partygoers have crowded together.
They all faced a makeshift stage where the three musical almost-sophomores had their amps, mic stands, instruments, et al set up.
"What up, Hancock Lane!" Cam hollered to the gathering. "Y'all ready to end the summer with a bang?!"
This was met with loud cheering, mostly by the younger members of the audience.
"Let's get this show rolling with a No Strings Attached original!" Cam shouted before pointing towards the duo. "Hit it!"
On cue, Lee proceeded to play the instrumental opening on his electric violin before Luna belted out the lyrics with intervals of guitar riffs [A/N: This is the opening for Detentionaire. Just let it be theirs in this continuity.].
"I don't wanna… take the heat, no!" the musical Loud began, "Now I gotta... go it solo…"
Suffice to say, that was quite the opening act by the young virtuosi.
From a house across the street from the concert, a teenager with a hefty disposition listened discretely to the small concert.
"Eh, they're no Dudes of Darkness, but they're passable," he surmised. A part of him even started regretting not attending himself, but that would mean his rep that he built last year could be undone if spotted. Let's face it: he isn't hard to identify with his stature and peculiar hat.
There were certain members of the crowd that he found intriguing: the five teenagers with bizarre hairdos that he assumed must have been new to the neighborhood. Something was off about them, but he just couldn't put his finger on it. Maybe if he saw them again, he could get some answers.
"… Get your kicks on Route 66!" Luna crooned the last verse before the makeshift band played the last bridge of notes.
"And that's a wrap, chiquitos and chiquitas! Goodnight, Ottington!" Cam announced before he and Lee bowed while Luna curtsied.
With the concert having sapped their energy, the audience began to disperse to their respective destinations, leaving the Pings, the Martinez ladies, and the Loud clan.
"That was amazing, kiddos!" Dr. Ping congratulated.
"¡Excelente trabajo!" praised Mrs. Martinez.
"You're a real Rockstar in the making, Lunes!" Mr. Loud cheered.
"I'm so glad that I took the shortcut home," Mrs. Loud sighed in relief. "I couldn't bear missing this."
"You're sure to win the Battle of the Bands if you keep it up," Lori encouraged.
"Aw, stop," Luna blushed. "We weren't all that."
"Yeah," Angelina piped up, "you'd be better if you dropped Camillio."
"Oh, you're so gonna get it, you little mocosa!" Cam yelled before jumping off the makeshift stage to chase his little sister who made a bee-line to the family car.
"And that's my cue to leave," Mrs. Martinez announced before heading to the serving table to collect her trays. "¡Buenas Noches a todos!"
"Good night!" the Louds and Pings returned.
"So, how about we all pack up the stands so the roads can be clear tomorrow?" Mrs. Ping "suggested" to the two families.
Naturally, this was met with collective groans from the kids.
Under the streetlights, the multicolored hair quintet was making their way through Ottington's urban sprawl.
"That was enlightening," said Scarlet-Stripe.
"What do you mean?" Teal-Flecks asked.
"Our parents liked to boast on how big No Strings Attached was in high school," she explained. "But why is it that nobody from their high school showed up?"
"It's just what old folks do," Green-Pompadour shrugged. "They like to exaggerate their accomplishments."
"The same reason you won't tell anyone that you got your butt kicked by someone half your size?" joked Magenta-Bang.
"Hey, how was I supposed to know that girl was freakishly strong at 13?" Green-Pompadour got on the defensive.
"You were really close to blowing our cover," stated Orange-Dreads. "What if someone recorded you?"
"It's not like you were any better," Magenta-Bang pointed out. "You just had to say something to the one person in the area who could have made us in a matter of seconds."
"She's got you there, dude," Teal-Flecks agreed. "Even at this time, her brainpower was on par with Steven Hawking."
"It's really hard to take you seriously with that mess on your face, bro," Orange-Dreads remarked. "But OK, I'll own up to that."
"Hang on guys," Scarlet-Stripe stopped them. "I think we're here." This drew the group's attention to their destination: a two-story building flanked by two parking lots.
"So, now what?" Teal-Flecks asked moments before the double doors opened, revealing a shadowy figure.
"What are you five waiting for?" the figure called out in a feminine voice. "Get in! We have work to do."
The five teenagers nodded and went inside, passing the building's marquee bearing the title Alexander Nigma High.
A/N:
I've had it rough these several months and not enough time to dedicate myself to this.
Credit to Mon-Ra for giving me advice on writing this scenario. Yeah, the edits to the summary are going to cost me dearly, but there is a method to my madness. For one, only one Loud sister would be seriously interested in Lee and others; the rest would have their own pursuits (some more prevalent than others).
I'm a bit iffy on if I should quote any of the songs from the shows or not. If you'd like me to add them, I will, starting with editing this chapter. Here are the musical references in lieu of The Loud House and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure:
The Reefer Bros. – "Hearken to the Harmony" — The Doobie Brothers – "Listen to the Music"
BC/AD – "Highway to Heaven" — AC/DC – "Highway to Hell"
Cedar Valley – "How I Could Just Merc a Kid" — Cypress Hill – "How I Could Just Kill a Man"
Carlos Santviento – "Maria Maria" — Carlos Santana – "Maria Maria"
The What – "My Generation" — The Who – "My Generation"
The Stalking Rocks – "Route 66" — The Rolling Stones – "Route 66"