There had been one girl he'd had a crush on.
Only one that made him think mushy thoughts and daydream like some lovesick girl. Charlie remembered the very first time saw her; it was his first day of eighth grade in his new school. He was at the end of the hallway and she was at her locker, along with a few other girls that he later learned followed her everywhere. She was just so beautiful. Her hair was long, blonde and flowy. It fell to the middle of her back, curled at its ends. Her eyes, he found out, were a sparkling blue and her smile was dazzling. And that laugh she did at whatever amusing thing her friend said, made his stomach flutter happily.
Her name was Tara Conway and Charlie was absolutely smitten with her.
To his excitement, they shared several classes together and with his desk benign where it was, he could easily glance at her out of the corner of his eye. He wanted to say something, anything to get her to notice him but he didn't know where to start. He wasn't very good with girls and hadn't ever felt like this before. What was he supposed to do?
He subtly paid attention to the other couples in the school in hopes of copying them. He witnessed girls getting candy or a small stuffed animal or even something as gushy as a handmade love letter. And they liked it. It worked out for the guys in the end because the next thing he knew, he would see the new couple walking hand-in-hand around school.
So it only made sense that he should do that for Tara! He'd just have to find out what kind of chocolate she liked-because all the girls liked chocolate-and he'd finally have her! In the meantime, he didn't want the gesture to come out of nowhere so he tried to have a few words with her. Only, it never happened. It was so stupid, he'd never had problems talking to people before. His previous teacher used to give him detention for not shutting up and now he couldn't even pull enough courage to say hi. Oh, man, he was a major dork.
Charlie told himself he would do it one day. And so, picked a Friday afternoon when school had just let out. Unfortunately, he hadn't anticipated on him.
Charlie's heart was pounding in his chest. His palms were sweaty and he felt like he was going to puke any minute now. Tara was near the door, talking to one of her friends. He was just waiting for the opportunity to strike; when that friend would leave and he could slide in her place to talk to her.
"Hey twerp," A hand grasped his shoulder painfully, turning him around.
Charlie's eyes shot upward at the giant who glared down at him. He hadn't yet reached his growth spurt so he was shorter than most of the boys in his class. The giant then latched on to the front of his t-shirt, yanking him.
"Let me go!" Charlie twisted to escape but the giant only tightened his hold.
"I'm only telling you once," The giant snarled, "you leave Tara alone."
"Why do you care?" Charlie felt his body go cold for an entirely different reason now. He had flashbacks of his dad doing the same thing. Yanking him. Throwing him. Kicking him.
"She's mine!"
"She's not anybody's!" Charlie snapped. He kept his voice lowered so as she wouldn't hear. But he didn't know how long he could go on without ripping into the guy.
"That's where you're wrong, shorty," The giant jeered, poking him hard enough in the chest that it actually hurt. "There's no way she'll say no once I ask her out."
Charlie straightened up. "I'm asking her out, too."
The giant snorted. "Oh, yeah? You think Tara wants someone like you?"
The defiance slowly dropped from Charlie's face. Someone like him?
"I heard you're an orphan," The giant whispered wickedly. "You think Tara wants some orphan for a boyfriend?"
Charlie clenched his fists. "I'm not an orphan."
"Touch a nerve? I bet your parents left you soon as they could." The noise surrounded him. Charlie fought to keep control. The giant smirked, sensing what it was doing to him. "Bet your mom wishes she didn't have a bastard for a son." He got closer untilhsi breath was hitting Charlie's ear. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to count in his head. "Bet she killed herself. That's alright, she was taking up valuable air."
That was iti!
Charlie lost it. He saw red and pushed the giant on his back. He straddled his waist, throwing repeated punches. The other kids gathered around them, screaming out fight, fight, fight! The giant fought back, limbs were tangled together, blood starting to ooze. They were pulled apart by two teachers, who immediately rounded up on them, lecturing them and saying they were going to call their parents.
Panting, bloody and bruised, Charlie glanced around and saw Tara looking in his direction in horror. She swallowed, turning on her heel and bounding out of the classroom.
He was suspended for a week after that. Originally, he would have been the only one; the school officials didn't want to suspend the other guy because they insisted it was harmless adolescent teasing. His parents had been furious. They shouted at the principal, telling him it was unacceptable that only Charlie would be punished when it was the other guy who started it. In the end, after some time had passed and his parents attended a couple meetings with the principal, the two teachers and the other guy's parents, it was determined that they would both be suspended for a week. Evidently, the principal didn't even want that for the other guy, who was one of the school's best football players. His suspension would mean that he couldn't play in the next game and there was no bending that could be done to ensure that he could. Nothing that wouldn't make the principal look bad.
In addition to that, Charlie was grounded for two weeks. It was the first time was punished by his adoptive parents since coming to live with them. He'd never really done anything wrong prior to this to warrant anything. That evening after the final meeting to which the punishments for both Charlie and the other guy were all sorted, they told him to go sit in the living room and they would be there in a moment.
It didn't fail to send off panic within him.
His dad used to do that. Tell him to go sit and wait and he'd return with a thick belt in his hand or a lit cigarette or whatever it was he thought to use that time around.
The rational side of him tried to say that they weren't going to hurt him. They'd promised they wouldn't. But why did he have to wait? What were they getting? It was difficult to discern anything by their voices. They weren't like his dad; if one or both were upset, they hid it and kept their tones calm. Unlike his dad. His dad used to scream and get in Charlie's face. He would shake him by the shoulders, ignoring his son's cries and pleads.
These people...they didn't do that.
And it was different than anything he'd ever known.
All three of them sat in the living room. The silence was deafening. Charlie kept rubbing his hands on his legs, trying to calm down his breathing. Trying not to fear the worst as he tended to do. His mom put a hand out to touch his knee. He jerked and she pulled away. She sank her teeth into her lower lip, looking at Dad helplessly.
"Charlie," Dad's voice was firm but soft at the same time. He stiffened out of habit. "Why did you fight that boy?"
"You know why," Charlie's eyes never left the floor. They'd heard the reason a few times because of the meetings. They knew why he did it.
"What he said was awful and not true but you-" Dad said, "have to learn to control your temper. You can't go after everyone that says stuff like that to you."
Charlie shot up, a surge of anger rushing through him. "So what, I'm supposed to let him talk about my mom like that?"
"Sit down," Dad said sternly.
Charlie's face was hard. The two of them held consistent eye contact. Until he did as he was told and sat back down.
"I'm not condoning what that boy told you but you need to conduct yourself better than that. What if you had gotten expelled, hmm?"
Charlie's hands clenched and unclenched. He huffed. "I don't know."
"Look at me."
Charlie did.
"We love you, Charlie. You're our son and we love you very much. But one thing we don't accept is fighting. Now in addition to being suspended, you're grounded for two weeks."
What difference did it make? It wasn't like he had a bountiful social life.
Mom handed him a piece of paper. "You're going to do these chores until we say otherwise.
"Yeah, okay," he muttered.
Mom was going to lean in to give him a kiss but decided against it. They got up and left him to his own thoughts after that.
A week later, he came back from his suspension. As he went out the door, Charlie was reminded that he still had a week left of his grounding so he was to come home straight after school. He just nodded instead of telling them that he already knew that. When he arrived on the school yard, he was met with glares from some people. Apparently, quite a few hadn't taken it too well when they found out that their star player was being benched. He was their one way ticket to the...whatever the next kind of game was to come after this one. Without him, the team sucked. A piece of trash or two was thrown at him during his walk up to the front door. He ignored them. They wanted a reaction, wanted to see him explode. It never happened.
His locker was tainted with. No surprise there. He scowled at the words orphan reject sprayed in red spray paint.
He slammed his locker door shut, causing some heads to turn his way.
When he got to his first hour classroom, he saw Tara there. It made him stop right where he stood his breath hitching at the sight of her. She was as gorgeous as ever. Her smile dropped slightly upon the sight of him and before he could stop himself, Charlie approached her.
It was deadly silent within the room.
People stopped and stared. They watched with morbid fascination as to what was going to happen next.
"Hi, Tara," he said breathlessly.
She took a step backwards, her expression conveying alarm. His smile faltered, though he tried to remain indifferent.
"You look nice today," He told her, feeling shy now that her attention was on him. "I...I like your hair. It looks soft and shiny."
He'd blurted out that last part, hoping she would look more appreciative and happy.
She didn't.
Laughter erupted around them. It engulfed him. He swallowed, his throat feeling dry.
"Hear that?" Somebody spoke, which made the laughter momentarily die down. "Sounds like the orphan reject has a crush on Tara."
More laughter. People oooed. They said all sorts of things. Charlie desperately tried to focus on Tara and her only.
"Would...would you want to get together sometime? We could go rollerblading? Or whatever you want to do."
Tara was frozen in her spot, mouthing opening and shutting. Her eyes darted around them. Charlie's hope fell as every second passed. Eventually, she pushed past him, leaving him standing there like an idiot.
It left a gaping hole in his heart. Charlie's feelings for her were strong. Perhaps even enough to say that he loved her.
Correction: he had loved her.
What he didn't know was that the giant and his parents knew Tara well and had been over to her house many times. The giant's mom had gone to school with Tara's mom and the two were best friends. So, they'd been warned about him at their next gathering. Tara was not to speak to him.
Of course she didn't like him.
"You think Tara wants someone like you?"
People like her didn't end up liking people like him. Those fairytales were a bunch of crap. Not at all representative of real life. People like Tara didn't fall for broken people.
He never told his new parents. He didn't want to have to be seated in the middle of them as they reassured him that he'd find someone eventually or they will be someone who will love him for him. Because it wasn't true. He wasn't going to find somebody and there wasn't someone out there for him. He wasn't stupid enough to be filled with naive hope. He knew better than that.
He'd all but forgotten about Tara, about the giant, about the absolute humiliation he felt that day. But then Stephanie asked-told-him to share a break up story and the memories came back at full force. Still as fresh and raw as they were that very day.
He wasn't going to fall in love.
He wasn't going to find the kind of love people searched for. He would never get married and start a family-that was a whole other discussion. The prospect of beginning a family and having children made him feel woozy. He couldn't imagine it. It wasn't like he'd had great guidance at home for the longest time. And he refused to be like his dad. He wouldn't. He'd never be like him. He would never put a kid through what he went through for so long.
And his solution was to never have any. He wouldn't risk it. What if he lost it on the kid someday, hmm? What if he had one and got ticked off and like his dad, got physical with the kid? It could happen. It could. And it would be all his fault. The kid would have the same fear in his eyes that Charlie had whenever he was around his dad or smelled the odor of alcohol.
But it didn't matter.
Even if he did want a family and a beautiful wife to spend the rest of their days in some nice house with a picket fence and a dog-
It wouldn't happen.
People like him didn't get happy ever afters.