Wally: Would you like something to drink? *They open the fridge* We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper-
Allison: Spiders?
Wally: Spiders it is then.
Allison: No, that wasn't-
*But they were already pouring them a brimming glass of spiders…*

Sammy: I'm bored, any suggestions?
Allison: Sleeping is nice.
Sammy: I acknowledge your suggestion, and I'm deciding to ignore it.

Sammy: What the fuck is wrong with you?
Allison: What? No good morning?
Sammy: Good morning, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Allison, watching Joey and Sammy fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt?
Henry, not bothered by the chaos: It's fine. They're too evenly matched to hurt each other.
Allison: Then... who's the strongest out of you three?
Joey: Henry.
Sammy: Henry.
Henry: Me.

Allison, working at McDonald's: Sorry sir, we don't serve a McFuck here, so either you throw that one slice of pickle out or we're gonna have a McProblem.

Wally: What's up with Joey? They've been laying on the floor for like….an hour now?
Norman: They're just a little overwhelmed.
Wally: Why?
Norman: Henry smiled at them.

Susie: It's impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.
Wally: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here's one more to further disprove your theory.
Allison: Fuck you.

Joey: If I die, you can have what little I own.
Joey: Wait. What do you mean "if" you die?
Wally: My unending existence is fuelled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full.
Henry:
Henry: *Sighs* Let me call your therapist again.

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Joey: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Allison: ...I did. I broke it.
Joey: No. No you didn't. Norman?
Norman: Don't look at me. Look at Wally.
Wally: What?! I didn't break it.
Norman: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Wally: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Norman: Suspicious.
Wally: No, it's not!
Susie: If it matters, probably not, but Sammy was the last one to use it.
Sammy: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Susie: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Sammy: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Susie!
Allison: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Joey.
Joey: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Susie: Joey... Norman's been awfully quiet.
Norman: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Joey, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Joey: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Joey:
Joey: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Allison: OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! TIME OUT! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE! GET UP THERE!
Susie: *Climbing* THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!

Henry: You're just being paranoid. Again.
Allison: When have I been paranoid?
Henry: Um, when you first met Norman you thought they were an undercover cop…?
Allison: No one has a wart that big, I thought it was a surveillance camera!
Henry: And last year you were sure Susie was a mermaid!
Allison: They hate wearing shirts! COINCIDENCE?!
*Later, when Allison's theory is proven wrong*
Henry: Do you have anything to say for yourself?
Allison: I still think Susie is a mermaid.

Joey: Is this your plan B?
Susie: Technically, this is plan P.
Joey: Plan P? Is there a plan M?
Susie: Yes, but I marry Allison in plan M.
Allison: I like plan M.

Joey: That's the longest worm I've ever seen.
Susie: That's a snake.

Norman: Where is Henry?
Allison: I'll do you one better, who is Henry?
Susie: Here's a better question, why is Henry?

Norman: How is the most beautiful person in the world?
Sammy: *blushing* I—
Susie, butting into the conversation: Allison is perfect, thanks for asking.

Sammy: This is a very powerful artifact. You'd be messing with some forces we don't fully understand.
Joey: That sounds like a dare to me.
Sammy: Oh my god.

Sammy: All the sudden I got a random burst of energy, and I think it's my body's last hurrah before it completely shuts down.

Susie: Go big or go home!
Allison: Please, for once in your life just go home. I'm begging you. Go. Home.
Susie: I'm going big!

Sammy, to Wally: You're not Mario. Lets get something fucking straight, you're Luigi at best.

Susie: Hey, Joey? Can I get some dating advice?
Joey: Just because I'm with Henry doesn't mean I know how I did it.

Susie: Valentine's day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Allison: I wrote you a poem.
Susie, already crying: You did?

Sammy: All of your existences are confusing.
The Squad: How so?
Sammy: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.

Susie: Bye Allison! Bye Henry! Bye Sammy! Bye Norman! Bye Allison!
Wally: You said 'bye Allison' twice.
Susie: I like Allison.

Henry: What do rainbows mean to you?
Joey: Gay rights.
Susie: There's money.
Sammy: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood.
Buddy: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

Wally: I'm sad.
Buddy: Don't be sad, because sad backwards is das.
Buddy: And das not good.

Joey: I have no respect for Santa. Don't sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man.

Wally: I'm usually that person who has no idea what's going on.