Malice: Wow, this parking is as straight as I am.
Allison: I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

Malice: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them?
Allison: What the hell do you do?
Malice: I die? What kinda question...

Allison: Malice! For the love of god, please turn down that music. I have a hangover.
Malice: *blasting the mii theme at full volume* That sounds like a you problem, not a mii problem.

*at a zoo*
Malice: What are they in for?
Allison: Malice, this isn't prison.
Malice: So they can leave?
Allison: No, but-
Malice, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

Malice: Watcha got there..?
Allison: *petting a ostrich* A smoothie.

Allison: Malice, I need some advice.
Malice: You need advice from ME?
Allison: Yeah, frightening, isn't it?

Allison, making a cup of tea: Yeah, get into that leaf juice, you sexy, sexy bee sauce.
Malice: Hey, do you take constructive criticism?
Allison: I absolutely fucking do not.

Malice: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.
Allison: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.
Malice: I said within reason, Allison. How about I murder that guy?
Allison: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?
Malice: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Allison: I'm proud to say I've come over my fear of ghosts!
Malice: Eyy, that's the spirit!
Allison: *gasps* whErE?!

Malice: You might not know this, Allison, but I am a flawed person.
Allison: I do know that.

Malice: I've been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Allison: Wow. They sound stupid.
Malice: But they're not. They're really smart actually. Just dense.
Allison: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don't know… "Hey! I love you!"
Malice: I guess you're right. Hey Allison, I love you.
Allison: See! Just say that!
Malice: Holy fucking shit.
Allison: If that flies over their head then, sorry Malice, but they're too dumb for you.
Malice: Allison.

Allison: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.
Malice: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Malice: Remember, Allison, don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Allison: I think I crossed that line when I got a date.

*Malice is crying after a breakup*
Allison: There there, Malice.
Malice, still crying: Thanks, but how did you get into my room?
Allison: Great question—

Allison: Are you an F5 key? Because that ass is refreashing.
Malice: Are you a software update? because not right now.

Allison: Is something burning?
Malice, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.
Allison: Malice, the toaster is literally on fire.

Allison: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart.
Malice: But I'm a kleptomaniac, so that doesn't mean anything.

Malice: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?
Allison: Peonies, why?
Malice:
Allison: Were you going to get me flowers?
Malice:
Allison:
Malice: ᶦᵗ'ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ