Henry: Listen, we're done, we're over! Okay?
Joey: Whatever bitch, you ain't never gonna find no one like me.
Henry: Yeah, that's the point shithead!

Joey: Did you know you remind me of all 26 letters of the alphabet?
Henry: What? Lik X-
Joey: No, like, T.
Henry: Awwww!

Henry: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?
Joey: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?
Henry: Yes.
Joey: I'd sleep.

Henry: Relationships should be 50/50. Joey cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

Henry: I owe you one.
Joey: That's ok. You can just date me and we'll call it even.

Henry: Remain CALM! *slaps Joey multiple times*

Henry: Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff.
Joey: Oh, that was all real.
Henry: Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?!
Joey: If I'm gonna be sacrificed, I'm gonna do it right.

Joey: *walks to cabinet, removes oreo box, takes half a sleeve, throws empty box out* Hi!
Henry: Hey- what are you doing-?
Joey, shoving an oreo into their mouth: I am saving space 😀

Henry: Ah shit, I forgot.
Joey: Forgot what?
Henry: How do you expect me to answer that?

Joey: Life could be worse, Henry.
Henry: Life could be a lot better too!

Henry: You're from Ohio, right?
Joey: Okay, first of all, my parents live in Ohio.
Joey: I live in the moment.

Joey: I need to dye my hair.
Henry: ...
Joey: Or get another tattoo.
Henry: ...
Joey: Or a new piercing.
Henry: Why?
Joey: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown gods.

Joey: So I got this amazing plan!
Henry: We fail almost every time you say that.
Joey: Well this is the same! But with a hamster involved

Computer: Please enter a password.
Joey: *types in Henry*
Computer: Your password is too weak.
Joey: How fucking DARE YOU-

Joey, dramatically: They called me a fool.
Henry, sick of Joey's shit: They weren't wrong.

Joey: Baby vibes... hold gentle... like hamburger.
Henry: Punt like football.

Henry: Wow, great work on the Halloween decorations. Where did you get the fake skeletons?
Joey: Fake?

Henry: Please could you go to the shop and get a carton of milk, if they have avacodos get six.
Joey, coming back from the store with six cartons of milk: They had avacados!

Henry: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!
Joey, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that's what.

Joey: I'm not being weird. Am I being weird?
Henry: Yes, and that's coming from me.

Joey, texting Henry: I'm a theif.
Henry: Thief.
Joey: Theif.
Henry: I before E except after C.
Joey: Thceif.
Henry: NO.

Joey: Everything's fine, Henry.
Henry: Joey, I know your relationship with the english language is strictly casual, but you- I- *deep inhale* ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU WHAT'S NOT FINE.

Henry: Joey is not allowed to violate the dress code, even on 'casual' Fridays.
Henry: No matter how many times you say please, Joey. We won't put any of the hats you've been asking about into the dress code.

Joey: I think this might be a bad idea...
Henry: Don't start thinking on me now!

Joey: It's not gonna work, I'm not a snitch.
Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with.
Joey: Lmao, Henry.

Henry: How the hell are you still alive?
Joey: Honestly, I'm just as confused as you are.

Henry: How the hell are you still alive?
Joey: Honestly, I'm just as confused as you are.

Henry: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing.
Joey: But ya' didn't!

Henry: Your future self is talking shit about you right now.
Joey: Jokes on them. I'll ruin their fucking life.