disclaimer: We do not own any of the OUAT characters. Just our added characters.
Extra info: This story has two writers. One of us writes Helena and the other writes Amy. You will notice a difference in how Helena's and Amy's perspectives are portrayed, we wrote them like we ourselves notice/see things. Fair warning: we are insane. Enjoy!
Rieka was standing in a corner again. Red was getting tired of checking all the corners of the castle for her sister. Who would have thought that someone so used to being outside in the open would take to sulking in corners so much? Red would have expected the younger wolf to want to be outside the castle as much as possible and avoid people as much as possible. She was kind of doing that, Red supposed. Rieka did seem to avoid people, but not in the sense that she did not like being around them. On the contrary, wherever Rieka was there were bound to be many people around. Whether servants, guards, or even dwarves, Rieka could usually be found leaning against the nearest corner, a small smile on her face, listening to their conversation. She seemed to only be avoiding people who would engage her in conversation. She seemed much more content to listen. Which Red, honestly should have guessed. In the short few months Red had known her sister, the younger wolf hardly ever voiced her opinions without a prompt. Much more content to sit back and listen than to discuss the matter herself, no matter what they might have been talking about. It seemed Rieka liked the presence of people, or more likely the ever-constant sound and smells people supplied, but she did not appreciate being forced to participate in the making of those sounds.
On this particular occasion, Rieka was not even watching people. Red found Rieka on the left of the twin towers close to the main gates. She was leaning against a wall facing the window. This particular window held a great view of the small, snow-covered mountain range that hid the infant forest from sight. Rieka was staring out the window toward the mountains, except that her gaze never touched the mountains, it got lost somewhere along the way, wandering off in some unknown direction.
It was a rare occasion when Red got the chance to observe her sister without Rieka noticing. The woman truly did see everything. But it seemed that Rieka's mind was truly too far away to pay notice to anything going on around her. So, Red stood and watched. Presently she became aware of a gentle tapping. Tap. Tap. Tap. Pause. Tap. Tap. Tap. Pause. The sound was very light, more of a rustle than a tap. Red knew she would not have been able to hear it had it not been for her enhanced wolf hearing. Even with her heightened wolf senses, she was not entirely sure what it was Rieka was doing to cause the sound, but it most definitely was coming from her sister. On and on the tapping went. Tap. Tap. Tap. Pause. Tap. Tap. Tap. Pause. Rieka's face never changed. Her stare was far away and her eyes cold. Whatever she was seeing was not the water of the lake the royal castle was built on the banks of or the mountains in front of her.
Finally, Red could not take the silence anymore, nor could she leave Rieka in her head the way she clearly was. "Rieka?" she voiced tentatively "Are you alright?"
Rieka jerked violently in shock. Red would have laughed had the next move Rieka made not been pinning Red to the wall with a knife at her throat. Rieka's eyes blazed gold. It was not her sister attacking Red, it was not even the wolf. There was something, someone, staring at Red through Rieka's eyes. Someone terrifying. "Rieka?" Red asked again, being careful not to move her throat too much as she spoke, "Rieka, it's me. It's Red. Rieka, please!"
Red saw the exact moment Rieka realized what she was doing. Her eyes changed from fiery gold to clear ice blue in less than a second. Rieka gasped and dropped her knife backing away from Red as far as the small hall would allow.
"Rieka?" red asked again, stepping forward.
Rieka's eyes snapped up, still filled with terror. "No!" She said, "Don't!"
Red stopped where she was. She understood the fear and pain that went along with hurting someone you care about. Red herself had sent Snow away when she feared her red cloak would not work. So, she kept her distance, giving Rieka a moment.
Rieka, seemingly satisfied Red would not come closer, lowered her gaze to her hand. She was gripping her right hand, the one that had been holding her knife, Red realized. That same hand was shaking violently and Reika was looking at it like she could see Red's blood staining it. Blood Rieka had not spilled, but the fear was there all the same. It was because Red understood this fear that she was ready when Rieka tried to bolt. Thankfully. Red was already standing in front of the stairs that let down. All she had to do was block Rieka as the younger wolf tried to doge around her.
"Get out of my way, Red!" Rieka's voice was angry, but Red could still see the fear in her eyes.
"No," She said in a quiet calm voice
"Red…!" Rieka started but Red cut her off
"No, You listen to me. You are not going to hurt me or anyone else. Not now, not ever." The second it was out of her mouth Red knew she said the wrong thing. Rieka's eyes turn from fearful to a deep blue of sadness. Rieka's body stiffened and even with the telling color of her eyes, Red could see that Rieka had just locked away part of herself.
"Right," Rieka said in a voice that did not sound like her own. "Can I go now?" She sounded dejected.
Red moved aside and Rieka disappeared down the stairs. It was at times like this that Red wished she knew more about her sister. They had known each other for months now, but in that time Rieka had shared next to nothing about her life before joining Snow and Red. Red knew Rieka left the pack at around fourteen years old, now the younger girl was closer to twenty-three. That left such a large gap where any amount of horrible things could have happened to her. Things she never talked about. Maybe Red should try to make her? Snow had gotten through to her, at least a little bit, but Snow was not here. She was away on her honeymoon with Charming. Which left Red with two options. Either leave Rieka alone to be tortured by whatever demons lurked in her head, or risk what little of a relationship they had and try to make Rieka talk.
Helena hated that moment. That moment where she was reminded she was not allowed to be afraid. She was not allowed to be hurt, broken, or unsteady. No, she had to be strong. She had to be invincible. She had to be a pillar for everyone else who might be falling. That was her place, that was what she was to nearly everyone she had ever met and it was no different in this world than in her own. In fact, it was worse. The things she hid behind a smile were so much more now. It was not just herself anymore. Helena had to hide her whole world. She had been forced to face that moment before, with her parents, her siblings, and even her friends. Something they did would remind her she needed to be better. Needed to be stronger. It hurts every single time.
Helena did not know or care where she was going; she just walked. She walked and walked and eventually, ended up on the castle training ground. Some soldiers were practicing their marksmanship, others were sparing with their swords. Helena stood there and watched for several minutes before the captain of the guard approached her, Ethen she thought his name was.
"My lady," He said with a short bow, "did you come to simply watch, or did you arrive with an agenda?"
Helena nearly scoffed at the title and the bow. She was no fancy lady, had never pretended to be one. But she answered all the same. "I suppose I might have come to blow off a little steam."
When the captain raised a brow at her Helena was afraid her sentence may have been a bit too modern for him to understand, but then he nodded and waved his hand in a 'follow me' motion. Helena followed silently as he led her over to a row of well-made wooden swords. "Pick one."
Helena ran her hand along a few of the handles, they were all sanded smooth, which was good, but some looked uneven. She passed over those. She found one that looked even and pulled it from the rack, but the moment she held it in her hand she knew it was too off balance to use as a decent weapon. Two tries later she had one that was sanded smooth, even, and balanced. With her chosen weapon Helena turned back to the captain. Except it was not just him anymore; several of the soldiers were standing close watching her and most of the others had stopped what they were doing to watch too. Helena forced herself to look the captain straight in the eye. "This one."
A sudden cheer went up among all the soldiers gathered in the courtyard. Helena fought hard not to flinch. It was three days after the wedding and her panic attack, but sudden noises were still a bit much for her. She held fast and kept her eye contact with the captain, but her confusion must have shone on her face because the captain held up his hand to stop the cheers. The soldiers quieted, clearly very used to the unspoken command.
"You just passed the test." He proclaimed loudly.
Helena raised a brow, "Well, I figured that. Why was it necessary?"
The captain chuckled, "It's not. But every soldier here has taken it and few get top marks."
Helena sighed. Boys and their toys. "Why does it matter if someone can pick a decent weapon without having had previous training?" Technically, Helena could think of many good and logical reasons for this test to have been put in place. She just wanted to know which reason the captain had.
"It gives me a good idea of what to expect from someone." the captain said. "Whether they will surprise me."
Helena felt slightly offended by that. She had never met anyone she could not surprise. That was not about to start now. This captain was just going to have to live with that fact.
"Now," the captain said, seeming to change thought processes "Let's see what you can do with that sword."
As it turned out, Helena could do quite a bit 'with that sword'. She spent a good hour in the courtyard working up a sweat while sparring with the practicing guards. Helena had always enjoyed pushing her body as hard as she could. There was solace in straining muscles, and comfort in the burn it gave. And that feeling, that was what Helena wanted, that was what Helena could deal with. Emotions not so much. And emotions and panic attacks were what she had been dealing with over the last few days. That and lack of sleep. Because, yeah, she had not been sleeping. Again. Without her music, her hoodies, any of her normal coping mechanisms, or any of the people who could calm her down there was no way she was getting any sleep.
Despite never having trained with a real sword Helena already knew quite a bit about swordplay and what she did not know she was willing to be taught. Which all made for a nice hour of getting her…ahem…butt handed to her before the captain told her to take a break.
"I've seen a lot of things, but never someone smile because they got whipped with a sword." A familiar male voice spoke
Helena looked up into, unforgettable, deep blue eyes. "Hey, Dorien."
"Really? That's all I get? 'Hey'?" Helena could hear the teasing note in his voice and it made her smile. How many times had she teased her friends for their overly simple responses to her obscured greetings?
"I'm sorry. What did you want me to say?"
Dorien simply shook his head and sat down beside her.
Helena had to keep her face from forming a frown. She was weary, she did not want to talk about…well, anything. Especially, anything Dorien might have to say to her.
Unfortunately, she had faced this moment with far too many people. They would see something, something she did not want them to and they would have questions. And there would be a few tense days or weeks while they decided whether to ask them or not. Sometimes, like with Emma, they would tell her that yes they had questions, but they would wait till Helena was ready to talk about it. Or what usually happened, they would ask her questions she was never going to answer. Asked if she was okay or if she needed a hug. "Yeah, I'm good." "Hugs are nice." That was how normal people would answer, right?
"So…" Dorien's voice interrupted her thoughts, but before he could go further she cut him off.
"I'm not going to talk about it or anything else to do with my life. So, thank you again, Dorien, but please stay away from me." Helena got up and walked away.
She used a side gate and left the castle. She needed to sing. It helped to keep her mind intact. And she could not sing the songs she needed anywhere someone could hear her.
Kill the lights, Different songs, Killer in the mirror, Criminal minds, and Nightmare all by Set it off fell from her lips. Helena pelted each song at a random tree as if it was every single person who ever misunderstood her. Every single good person in the world who were foolish enough to trust her. As if she was somehow trustworthy because she could keep secrets. Did they even think it through? She was good at keeping their secrets. What did that mean about her own?
"You're never gonna get it. I'm a hazard to myself." We don't have to dance by Andy Black. A song Dylan gave her to listen to. He was right. It fit her.
hey, guys! A chapter on Wednesday like promised. hope you enjoy. Let us know what you think.