Author's note 1:
BlankSlate00: If the "series" goes well, I might do a spin-off for a romance with a certain character (SPOILER: It's genderbent :) ).
"Now that's interesting."
Sans carefully lifted his shirt, he had already stripped his jacket off and set it on a chair nearby in the bathroom. He traced his gloved finger on the oblique scar adorning his chest, it was familiar… too familiar.
Despite my Determination I did die and my soul should have just ceased to exist. Monsters cannot survive in an afterlife like humans do, we simply do not possess the same amount of power. Yet, here am I, with a reminder from a past life I can still remember and in the body a human in the beginning of his late twenties.
He sighed and dropped his vest back in place. Still, I still have my powers and only the hierarch entities can give me a challenge. Normal sinners shouldn't be that much of an issue to dispose of: my telekinesis is already enough.
Marauder had taken the liberty to explain the structure of his new, unwanted, home. Hierarchy mattered a lot to understand which type of entity you would face out in the open.
And as it stood, he only needed to worry about the Overlords, the noble Houses, the Princes of each ring, the so called 'Seven deadly sins' and the head honcho: Lucifer himself.
"Watch out for Overlords, specifically. They might not know of your predicament but even if they do, they'll still try to lure you in making a deal. Fuckheads always find a loophole to twist the agreement in their favour, that's why I never agreed to put myself under their 'protection'."
Sans slipped his jacket back on and exited the room. He understood the Imp's trepidation at the prospect of making a deal with him. By the way the human approached him, he looked like an Overlord itself.
He found the demon working on his shorts, stretching them further, in a backroom near the counter. The shop was closed, it was Sunday evening.
Sans glanced at the towel wrapped around his lower body and snickered. He accidentally undressed with the Imp in the same room, completely forgetting about humans' whole consideration of privacy. It's not like it was his fault anyway: he didn't even have a dick a few hours prior to his arrival!
He fumbled with the organ and remembered a few comments Frisk made about going to pee. Taking a piss for Sans was very different than for a human. Yet the neo-human adapted very quickly to his predicament and simply acted on tribal instincts.
Oh well, at least he chose one of the best suiting (and most importantly, comfortable) shoes. He felt a bit sad to say goodbye to his slippers, but they weren't part of a proper and decorous outfit.
He settled down and patiently waited for Marauder to finish his work with his machine and needle. Sans summoned a bone and balanced it on his index finger, like he did when waiting for Frisk after he killed them countless times.
"You're not going to explain your sudden abilities to me, right?"
He opened an eye and grinned at the Imp. "Nope! You have your secrets, I have mine."
"I did reveal my secrets to you though." A sideway annoyed glance came from Marauder, though he mainly focused on his task.
Perspicate…
"I'm afraid this is a type of secret I cannot reveal, buddy. Just know that if I wanted to hurt you…" He decided a bit of scary stuff was in order. Sans opened his eyes and let Marauder witness his empty sockets. "…I would have done so already."
The Imp gulped. "N-noted."
"Good." He glanced around for a moment. "So, will our first delivery come tomorrow, boss? I have to repay my debt after all. How is it that Overlords put it? 'A deal's a deal.'"
Marauder paused his action and sharply breathed. "Please, don't fuck around with that phrase. I might actually reconsider your status and deem you as an Overlord."
"Hehehe!" Sans laughed. "I'm too lazy for a job of that caliber, pal. Responsabilities and affording to care about power and status ain't exactly my comfort area. The stress might… tire me to the bone."
"Your jokes are horrible."
"I appreciate your feedback and will make sure to improve the quality." He winked.
"Mmmh." Marauder huffed in annoyance. "This'll take longer than I expected, feel free to get comfortable while I finish your shorts."
A nap actually doesn't sound like a bad idea.
"Ain't gonna slice my throat while I sleep, right?"
"It's not my style, plus you've shown nothing but respect towards me… setting aside the jokes. It's hard to find that in Hell, even among Imps. We're creature of darkness, as your indoctrinating religion revealed by our dear All-Father describes." He hissed the last part, making the human raise an eyebrow.
"You seem pretty hostile at the idea of God."
"Heh, who wouldn't?" Marauder opened the palm of his free hand and raised it horizontally. "Heaven doesn't seem to have an overpopulation issue like Hell does. The big man upstairs could instantly resolve the equation by Himself and demonstrate His never ending kindness to His trapped children here, but He choses to send the exterminators instead. It's not really hate, it's more like… I envy Him, for not caring about anything because He just can't with all His powers."
Sans chose not to pursue the argument, lest the Imp lost his self control and attacked him. Of course God would be a touchy subject for demons. Fuck's sake Sans, get a grip on yourself!
He simply nodded and made himself comfortable. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the happy memories he still had access to.
Sans dreamed of a young Papyrus playing with him.
"Wake up…"
He stirred and snorted, but didn't move much.
"Wake up, you useless piece of shit!"
"OOF!"
Not the best awakening, Sans found himself on the floor and he rubbed his head to focus.
"Finally! You're a damn rock at sleeping, aren't ya?" Marauder commented before dropping something on his lap. They were his shorts, now much longer and resembling some kind of jeans used for going to the gym.
The human glanced at Marauder's phone as he opened it and blinked. "7 a.m. in the morning? Did you work all night for this? You could have stopped, you know. Maybe take a nap?"
"This process requires much time, Sans. I can't increase the length of the fabric in one or two hours…" The Imp waved his hand while he rubbed his face. "…it ain't the first time I have been awake for the whole night. Between gun deals and the shop, I just needed to get used to the fatigue. Now, get in the damn bathroom and give me my towel back, I need to wash it."
"Aye, aye, captain!"
The sh-"jeans" fitted nicely on him, they covered whatever hair there was on the legs and the colour matched his shoes.
"Alright!" Marauder exclaimed as he opened the shutters of the shop. "You can't be seen by other demons or Imps, you'll stay in the back of the shop and pass me whatever box I need to deliver. For the nearby future, you'll be my unknown assistant which I totally pay with a perfectly balanced and respectful wage."
"Cool." Sans' eyes lost their pupils as he noticed a few shadows passing by the main door. He blinked his black sockets two times and sprinted for the back. "I, uh, I-I'll be here then. Just call for whatever ya need!"
Marauder grinned at the action. Has much power but can still be scared.
The bells of the entrance rang, Marauder immediately straightened his spine and rushed for the counter. "Good morning, how may I help you?" The Imp's fake polite face immediately melted in a nervous smile as he recognized the other Imp in front of him.
"Hi, Marauder! I've come for the shirt I gave you the other day."
It was Zoe. A female Imp Marauder totally did not have a crush on. It didn't help that she was about his same height, really really SLIGHTLY smaller than him. That and the fact they were the same age, both were twenty-two years old.
"Oh! Eh, of course Zoe…" Marauder glanced behind his shoulder. "…Sans! Bring me Order#77, please!"
"On it, boss!"
Zoe tilted her head in wonder. "Who's Sans?"
"Ah, just a sinner I employeed to help me. I can be more efficient and faster this way, might actually give me some extra time to rest." The male Imp nodded as a small box slid in the room. He picked it up and offered it to Zoe. "That'll be twenty souls."
The dreaded expression on her face spoke enough. "Shit, I only have ten. That bastard at the burger joint hasn't paid me yet and-"
Marauder quickly raised the palm of his claws and waved them. "Hey, hey! It's okay, Zoe. You know what? You can take it freely this time. It's on the house."
Her expression did a 180 and she beamed. Marauder gulped when she leaned towards him and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks, Mauri!" Zoe grabbed the box. "You know, we should organize something one of these nights. I think you're working too much by the bags I see under your eyes. You totally need to plug off."
"I-I'll think about it, Zoe."
"Great, see you!"
"S-see you too." He rubbed the spot where she kissed him.
He sighed in bliss.
"Now that's how you wrap 'em around your fingers." Marauder turned around and groaned as he stared at Sans who had his hands stuffed in his pockets while he leaned on the door.
"It's nothing big. We're just friends."
"You have a big crush on her and I can tell she's a 'nice' person among this cesspool…" He quoted the word. "…not to mention that she's too interested in you. All ya have to do is jump on the boat and see where it guides ya."
"Talking from experience?"
"You could say so. There was this girl I talked with, we communicated through the entrance of her home, both of our backs on the door as we sat. We both joked with each other, I kinda had a crush on her, though it's more complicated. Maybe she had one too, maybe not. We didn't have time to pursue a meeting in the end."
"What happened?"
Sans closed his eyes and opened them to reveal empty black sockets. "She was murdered in cold blood."
"I-I'm sorry."
The human shrugged. "At least she's in a better place now, maybe I'll finally meet her when I'll die if I not sin first." He popped his neck. "I'll get back to work, call me if you need anythin'."
Marauder placed his forehead on the counter and sighed. He couldn't know if the girl he liked, liked him back. He's basically telling me to NOT waste my opportunity. Am I really in love with Zoe?
11 p.m.
"Alright, you remember what to do?" Marauder asked as he turned on the engine of the truck. Sans sat on the opposite seat with his hood on, his magic thankfully hid his face because all the Imp could see was blackness.
"Stay near the truck, don't speak, approach only when unloading the merch and intervene only if absolutely necessary." Sans counted everything on his gloved fingers. "Anything else I should know?"
"There are only two deals this night, and one is with an Overlord named Valentino. I trust you'll be there if shit hits the fan. Fucker contacted me and drove all the way to Imp city to get some good guns for his goons."
An Overlord? Hehehe, interesting.
"What's his domain?"
"Pornography, but he's some sort of gangster too. Deals with drugs other than prostitution. A real dick. Stay on guard."
"Believe me, Marauder. Nothing's safe from my eyes."
He hoped it was true.
They entered inside a warehouse, Sans waited in the truck while Marauder opened the entrance. The Imp drived in a bigger part of the establishment which could easily fit multiple vehicles at once.
"And now we wait."
Sans simply summoned another bone and played with it, trying to alleviate the boredom.
1 hour later…
Sans expected that the first deal would include some sort of gangster group of demons too.
In reality, the precious silence was interrupted by the clacson of a van. It sped up very quickly inside the establishment and abruptly stopped on the other side, about thirty meters away.
The human noticed the clearly "I.M.P." insigna sprayed in sight.
Marauder offered a sheet of paper to him. "These are all the equipment we need to sell. Start unloading, I'll greet our guests."
"Oki, dokie."
He thanked God for parking the truck in a straight line because he just used his magic to teleport the boxes on the ground. And then he transported each one on his back, doubling down his efforts.
He took a look at their customers while he did the job.
"Ah! As always, my driving skills are unmatched."
"Sir, maybe speeding up like that isn't a wise choice. Why can't we keep it down a little bit for just one time?"
"Don't worry about it too much, Moxxie. We can just grab another van if this one kicks the bucket."
"And with what insurance, Blitz? We would have to pay with our own, and already scarce, money."
"The fuck is this insurance everyone keeps blurting about?"
Blitzo noticed Marauder staring at both of them with a deadpanned expression and beamed. "Marauder! Didn't see you there, how you're doing? Still running that crappy shop in your free time? You know, my offer of joining my awesome and totally legal company is still available."
Aren't they here to buy stuff? Why is that dude wasting time in chit-chatting?
Marauder sighed and crossed his arms together. "I already told you: I'm not an assassin. Now, are you here to get your weapons or not?"
Blitzo started mumbling under his breath, a mix of curses directed to both himself and Marauder.
Moxxie swallowed and decided to step in. "Y-Yeah, of course! Do you have everything we ordered?"
"Sans?"
Sans raised the sheet of paper and squinted his hidden eyes at it. He nodded and pointed to the boxes near him.
"And who the fuck is that?"
"Just a sinner I employeed as my body guard. He's good, very good."
"Really now?" Blitzo grinned and waved his hand at him. "Hey, dude! The name's Blitz, the 'o' is silent. Say, since Marauder deals with pretty much everything and everyone in Imp city, and that includes Overlords from time to time, wanna join m-our company? I think you might have some fine skills."
What 'o' exactly? Is his true name Blitzo?
"I'm afraid Sans doesn't jump from one job to the other in an instant."
"How do you know? Let him answer for himself, duh!"
Marauder looked at him for a few moments before nodding.
"Sorry pal, I'm afraid I'm not one for the jumps like the boss said. I'll pass."
Blitzo shrugged. "Your loss. Our company is currently shifting towards higher horizons and will continue to do so."
Moxxie pinched his nose. "Sir, can we please stop the advertising and just pay Marauder for his services?"
"Mmh? Oh yeah, sure…" Blitzo rushed to get something from the van and came back with a briefcase. "…here's the cash, as always. You have our stuff?"
Marauder counted the souls inside and pointed his thumb behind him. "Assault rifles, small guns, knives and short range weapons and a RPG."
"Perfect. Moxxie? Take 'em in the van while I gossip with Marauder a little more."
The Imp's face turned in pure dread, his arms quivered at the sheer amount of weight his back would have to endure. He even started sweating.
Sans understood it and walked up to the Imp, patting his shoulder. "I'll help you, bud. What you lack in muscles, you possess in brains anyway…" He leaned in to whisper, even if Moxxie could only see blackness behind the hood. "…I can tell who's the smart one keeping the ship in good condition out of the two."
Moxxie smiled in appreciation and the duo began to move the cargo around.
Once all was packed, everyone paid their goodbyes and the van sped up outside the warehouse.
"A bunch of interesting fellows for sure… which Hell houses, I mean."
Marauder licked his lips. Wait until you meet Valentino or Vox… or even Alastor.
2 hours later…
The sheer difference between each deal was evident enough.
A limousine parked, flanked by two cars from which armoured demons exited to form a perimeter. And out of the limo, 'Valentino' appeared, smoking a cigarette. The smoke was not like Earth's, it was a pink colour mixed with red.
In the background of the vehicle, Sans grasped the outlines of two demonesses kissing each other. Yep, he's clearly a pimp like Mauri said. Gotta keep my magic at ready.
Valetino grinned with his full set of sharp teeth, he adjusted his glasses and approached Marauder, flanked by the goons. "So~" He began. "You must be the guy I've been hearin' good stuff about. I've wanted to test your preparation for a looong time…" The Overlord took a hit of his smoke and snapped his fingers. One of his servants brought out another briefcase and shortly opened it to show the souls. "…payment is here as requested. Now, show me the goods."
"Sans?"
The disguised human immediately checked the list to see if they missed anything. He nodded and pointed his finger at the wrapped up guns.
"Check 'em." Valentino lazily ordered, wiggling the hand holding his cigar. "Nothin' personal, it's the same routine when it comes to makin' deals."
Marauder shrugged. "Knock yourself out with your research."
It took about five minutes, the stuff ordered was more in quantity than Blitzo's order.
"Now that we have concluded the research, we can go. Buckle up and let's go."
The Imp narrowed his eyes. "Where's our money?"
Valetino tilted his head. "Oh! Sorry, I almost forgot to tell you." He cleared his throat. "Despite respectin' your end, I do not know if the product you are offering me is truly remarkable or shitty. A few targets placed inside the warehouse to test the weapons wouldn't be enough of a clue if I can trust you. So, I'll be keepin' these for a first client encounter and if I'm satisfied, I'll come again and pay you."
Marauder slowly reached for the gun he had behind his back. "How about a counter offer? I'll offer you a 25% discount for a first buy."
"Tempting. But I can't know if your quality reaches my expectations."
He saw from the corner of his eyes the goons approaching, they unpacked their rifles.
He removed his hand from the weapon and uttered a single word. "Sans."
Sans let his magic loose, from the darkness hid by the hood only a trail of blue flames resembling an eye could be visible. He pointed the palm of his opened glove to two of Valentino's men. Two small hearts appeared in front of them: one violet, the other orange.
"Perseverance and Bravery? Sounds aligned enough for this situation."
The hearts' colour turned in a deep blue. Sans used his telekinesis to slam the goons on two pillars. He snapped his fingers and summoned two Gaster Blasters.
ZIUM! KIU!
What remained of the demons were two burned out bodies. Sans motioned for the trembling souls to come to him. He stared at them for a few seconds before they broke in many pieces.
All happened under the stunned expressions of the Overlord and the rest of his men.
"So! Valentino, was it? I say you have two choices: A You can take Marauder's offer and save some cash or B Do you wanna have a bad time?"
Valentino snapped out of his daze and growled dangerously, his eyes shining red. "Is that a threat? Who the fuck are you anyway?"
"Juuuust someone helping out a pal. I'm not saying you cannot win against me, but are you willing to fight and return home all beaten up and bloodied despite your victory? I might, if that's true, not be as strong as you Overlords are, but I can give a run for your money. Do you really want that when there's a much easier way out of this issue?"
Valentino shifted his gaze on the floor for a moment before he sneered and turned around, walking to the limo. "Give 'em the goods. I'll take the discount offer."
Sans retracted his magic and simply watched the exchange with a keen eye.
"I never forget someone daring to stand up against me." Valentino called from the opened door of the limo. "If I see you again, you won't walk out of our encounter in one piece."
"I'll bring marshmallows for when I camp out of Imp city. I take it our fight will be pretty in-tents."
Valetino sneered again before he shut the door. The limo exited the warehouse while the rest of the goons remaining managed the boxes.
"You just placed a big target on the back of your head."
Sans glanced at the demon.
"Heh, I can't afford to not care anymore about what happens around me."