Disclaimer: Don't own any OUAT characters. also we're crazy

As it turned out screaming in the woods was quite therapeutic, who would have thought? Helena had never put much stock into the 'Just go scream it out' theory, but it did, apparently, have its merits. Good thing too, because Helena had been able to feel the insanity creeping in. Thankfully, it was gone now. Well, as gone as it ever got. Now, though, she was able to return to the castle and the nest she had made for herself on her bedroom floor and finally get some sleep. She would apologize to Red and Dorian in the morning.

Unfortunately, as ever, Helena's unconscious thoughts never let her be.

Helena sat straight up, but she did not scream or even gasp. She knew better than to make a sound. She did take a few deep breaths trying to dispel the images in her mind, though. Helena half expected her phone to ring with Amy or Dylan for some random early morning questions, for some reason it seemed to happen nearly every time she had a horrible night. Sometimes she even hoped they would, because it helped to focus on someone else's problems. To focus on something real. But when her phone did not ring and Helena opened her eyes to find herself in the bed chambers Snow had gifted her all she could do was sigh.

Helena disentangled herself from her nest of blankets and stood to go through her archery stretches. Afterward, she took the time to clean herself before leaving her chambers to face the day.

As it turned out facing the day was not all that hard. Helena took the time to remember how to force sounds out of herself, then she was smiling and laughing with the dwarves before breakfast. When Red came in and cast an odd look in Helena's direction, Helena excused herself from the table, pulled Red into a far corner, and apologized.

Thankfully, Helena knew how to make very convincing apologies, the kind that would raise no red flags for the people she was talking to. That is not to say she was not sorry for what she did to Red. It was scary and honestly, it terrified Helena. She had not had a reaction like that in years, but of course, this place, being here, would pull out those things which she had buried long ago. No, what Helena needed to apologize for was why she had run away, which, of course, she lied through her teeth about.

After apologizing to Red, Helena went in search of Dorian. Finding the soldier on guard duty she apologized to him for snapping at him. Saying that she had just been having a really bad day. He smiled understandingly at her and said it was fine. With those things accomplished Helena moved on to what she always did with an excess of free time. She learned. She learned sword fighting. She learned archery, technically she already knew that one but the style was different in medieval times. Helena even practiced acrobatics. This, though, she did out in the woods alone.

In years past when she would watch sword fighting she would always note that while there was an easy dance and flow to it, people never seemed to mix styles. Like in Avatar: The Last Airbender, the Avatar fought better than most people, not because they could bend all the elements, but because they knew all the fighting styles and implemented them all into their battles. Hence, if Helena could form a style no one in Once Upon A Time used or knew she would win significantly more fights. And who knew how many of those she would be getting into before she and Anna could get back? So, Helena was going to implement acrobatics into her sword fighting. Plus, the thought of falling and breaking something did not hold much weight when she seemed to heal even faster than she had back in her world. It probably had something to do with her being a wolf. It was helpful either way.

Unfortunately, even with how active Helena was she still got bored. Days to weeks to months. Helena practiced everything she could think of to learn. She even found some magic books to read. Not that she could use magic, but it was a fascinating subject and Helena could see it coming in handy later on. She was trying to do everything in her power to distract herself. She missed her friends and a letter arriving from Amy saying she was losing her grip on reality did not help. Of course, Helena had answered, assuring Amy that A: Helena was really here with her and B: That would come to find her as soon as possible. She never got a response back, though. Not a good sign. But there was nothing Helena could do about that from here, except hope that Amy was okay when Helena found her.

In short, Helena tried very hard to stay busy and distract herself from the people she missed. The people she loved. A long list. Though, not as long as someone might assume. Helena could recall when Emma told her that how strongly and deeply she cared for the people she loved was, while wonderful, a bit of an oddity. Simply because Helena picked very carefully who she would care for, but once she had Helena was absolutely devoted to that person. And that meant that she spent a very long time with almost no one on her list of people she loved. Emma had been the first in a while. After that had come the group of slightly younger kids from archery that Helena practically adopted. Even to the extent that they usually called her "Mama" and she would often refer to them as her children. Then Faith, Jinxy, and Rex, all three practically siblings as far as Helena was concerned. It was nice having siblings she actually loved. Nice having a family she loved. Helena firmly believed that blood had nothing to do with family. If a family did not feel safe or like home then they were not a family. So Helena had built herself a new family made of people that did make her feel safe and cared for, and like she was home.

And it was those people Helena was trying to forget. It hurt way too much to be away from her people, her home. At the same time, Helena did not want to forget anything. She risked losing herself again if she forgot and then she would never get back to them. Which left Helena with only one option. Create a new home. Don't forget, but learn to live here. Learn to care for the people here. Starting with her sister. Well, Red. It would be a while before Helena could think of Red as her real sister.

"You're getting better at that." Helena praised.

She had been helping Red with her wolf training again. Today, Helena had set up something of a scavenger hunt for Red. Objects were hidden around the castle that Red had to find only by tracking Helena's scent to find where Helena had been to hide them.

Red beamed but was cut off from answering by Granny.

"Are you teaching her to hunt people, Child?"

Helena simply nodded, "You've done it. You used what little of your enhanced senses you still have to track Red."

Red frowned at Helena. "How would you know that?"

Helena smirked, "I know quite a few things I shouldn't. Isn't that right, David?" Helena raised her voice because she could both hear and small Prince David lurking around the corner.

Having been caught, Charming reviled himself in a way that was somehow incredibly dramatic for someone just stepping around a corner.

David was wearing his 'I'm not sure what to think of you' face. Helena had noticed he wore it a lot around her and for a while had not been able to understand why, until she remembered she called him David when he came looking for Snow. No one should have known his real name at that point in the story. Helena had not been thinking about it at the time.

"You do seem to know too much in most cases." David said.

Helena frowned, "And what is too much? That I know you grew up on a farm and your brother was a horrible person? That I know Granny only has a few of her heightened senses left from when she was a wolf? Or that I know the first time Red and Snow met she was stealing eggs?"

The looks on everyone's faces hinted that she had gotten to her intended target. There was certainly plenty of information about these characters that she should not know and it was hard filtering the information she could talk about versus what she could not. Therefore, what Helena needed to do was show them that even if she spoke of things she should not know she was not going to use that information against them. She wanted them to trust her. Helena closed her eyes and just breathed for precisely sixteen seconds before turning and giving them all a 'well?' look.

Granny, unsurprising, just accepted this new information and stayed silent. Ruby… No! Red… Red looked very confused and David looked like he might pull his sword on her. Helena sighed, she did not want to fight him, but she knew that a man could understand more through a fight than through words. Also, Helena knew that she would never be able to get anything done with David watching her like a hawk. She needed to make a point to him.

"Are you a spy for The Evil Queen?" David asked, "Or The Dark One? He seems to always be privy to information he should never have."

Helena let out a small chuckle. "Wouldn't that be interesting? No, I am not a spy for anyone. I'm just really good at compiling information and I had a lot of time to do so."

Helena changed what she was going to say last second. Her plan had been to rile David into a fight, but that had been the wrong side of her talking. She walked away from fights, she did not start them anymore. Her life did not have to be like that anymore, but this place was making it hard to not revert to the person she used to be.

The green in her eyes faded and the smirk on her face fell. She held up her hands to David. "Look, I want to help. I want to be friends, but I can't do that if you keep watching every move I make."

"Snow says you can be trusted but she always sees the good in people…" David trailed off, waiting for Helena to speak.

"I'm not a good person. Haven't been for a very long time. If you pulled my heart out it would be blacker than anyone else in this castle. I've been buried in darkness and pulled back out by someone so bright they almost destroyed me. But I am trying to fight that darkness. I am trying to be a better person and I need good people around to keep me out of the darkness." Helena paused for a moment. None of what she said had been a lie, but she was surprised at herself for saying it. How had Emma changed her so much she could talk about herself like that with other people?

"This isn't a threat, David. I can't and won't stay here if you can't accept me, but if I leave now, with nowhere to go, I will lose myself again. We're all lucky Granny was the one to find me last time." Helena stopped there, unsure of what else she could say. She wanted to leave. To get back to Emma, but she needed to belong here too. She could not just go back now. This place would forever be a part of her.

Everyone was silent for a few minutes. Three to be exact. Yes, Helena counted. Slowly David released his grip on his sword and his stance relaxed. Helena let her gaze move to where Red and Granny still stood. Granny nodded at her and walked away. Helena knew Granny had already accepted her, but Red was the one she was worried about. If she did not have Red then Helena would be lost. She had attached herself to Red and Kate had always gone off the deep end without the people she attached to.

Red had an odd look on her face. She was wary, but she seemed to be searching Helena's face for something. Helena spent years wondering what people saw when they looked at her face. But she stopped wondering exactly six years ago when she stopped letting people see things she did not want them to see. So the look of finding something in Helana's eyes that she saw on Red's face startled her. Had she fallen that far? Or had she recovered that much?

Whatever red saw gave her the courage to step forward and pull Helena into a hug. When she pulled away she whispered "We are not monsters." her voice was so low only someone with enhanced hearing could have understood.

Helena gave her a grateful smile. She was not sure she believed that, but the reminder helped.

After that things got boring again. At least for Helena. All the fun adventures David and Snow went on they did alone. All Helena could do was promise Red again and again that they would come back as she waited for the Charmings to finally capture the Dark One. Good thing she had a lot of experience being patient.

Hey Guys! Finally back to some of Helena's side of the story. hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment