Hey y'all. I know it's been forever, but I'm back with a new chapter. It's a little short, but if I didn't stop when I did it would've been way too long. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think. Hope you enjoy!

Ch. 8
Sneak Away

Timmy was able to get us to the school in no time. As we got closer, I could see Butters standing by the back gate, shivering slightly as he held the coffee and bag of clothes in his hands. I felt bad for him, but at the same time I felt slightly worried. What would he say when he saw me walking up with an elf in tow?

"This is where I leave you, Sir Ash," Stan stepped out of the wagon onto the snow. "Our futures still remain unknown, and it wouldn't be wise to stir up shit with the other humans yet."

I nodded. "I understand."

"However," he added. "I have been ordered to patrol the area. I owe you for helping me against the ogre, so if you should need help, I will come. One good deed for another."

I smiled. "I'll give you a call."

He placed an arm across his chest. "Good luck."

He turned and began to march off, sword at his side. I straightened up my robes and started to make my way towards Butters. I was a few feet away when he finally noticed me.

"Ash!" he instantly bound up to me. "Oh, thank goodness! I was worried the elves had locked you in the dungeon or somethin'! I- I came here just like you said, b-but-"

"Breathe, buddy," I told him as I put a hand on his shoulder. "Relax. I'm alright. I got out of there just fine."

"But how-"

"I'll explain later, I promise. Now, hand me those clothes."

He quickly handed me the bag as I took off my robes. I shivered in my boots as I quickly put on the black shirt and black pants over my other clothes. I decided to keep on my black beanie without my headband.

"Hold on!"

I looked up at Butters to see him holding what looked like a black pen.

"Eyeliner," he said. "It might help."

I stared at the pencil wearily as my fists clenched, but I nodded. Butters held my chin up as he raised the pencil to my eyes. Of all makeup products, eyeliner made me the most nervous. I didn't get how people could use it without accidently poking their eyes out. However, he was surprisingly gentle and smooth, and it was over before I knew it.

"How do I look?"

"For a goth? Basic but edgy."

I giggled. "Nice. Alright, let's do this."

"You go on," he said. "I'll stay here and keep watch. Don't want those elves sneaking up on us again."

I hesitated for a moment but nodded. I pushed passed the gate and made my way over to the goths. They were still smoking and lounging where I left them before. I stepped forward and cleared my throat.

"I'm back!"

Michael took a drag from his cigarette before even looking at me. "Oh joy, it's the Barbarian Princess from the Dungeons of Dumbass."

"You gotta admit, she looks better."

"Yeah, she's almost a goth."

My grin faded as I stared at all of them. Princess? She? They… they knew? How long had they known? Was it when I showed them my hair?

"Your tongue will get frostbite if you hold your mouth open like that," Firckle piped up.

I quickly shut my mouth, not realizing at first that it was open. My fists clenched as I took a deep breath.

"You… you know?"

"What? That you're a girl?" Peter asked. "Sure. We're not dumbasses like the rest of those nerds you hangout with."

"I thought you were just kind of feminine looking at first," Henrietta added. "But, once we saw your hair it was obvious."

"But-"

"It's none of our business why you're keeping it secret," Michael cut me off. "We're just surprised no one else has spotted it yet."

I stared at them, unsure of how to react to this revelation. I shook my head. Whatever. I'd have to deal with this later. I had a job to do.

"Anyway… how do I look then? Am I goth enough for you?"

"Being goth isn't just how you dress, it's a frame of mind!" Michael said fiercely. "It's time for you to prove that you go against society's rules."

"With cigs and coffee?"

"You're not ready for that yet."

Peter stood up and walked up to me, taking the cigarettes and coffee from my hands. I didn't bother arguing, more curious about where this was going. Michael tucked his cigarette between his fingers as he turned and fumbled with something behind him. He pulled out a large sign that read 'Fuck the Conformists' in black writing. He marched over and handed it to me.

"There's a big PTA meeting happening right now at the community center. You need to walk right into the middle of that meeting and tape this sign to their table."

"Yeah, that will prove your individuality."

"Go on, beat it. Don't come back until you have a picture of that sign tapped to the PTA table."

I rolled my eyes and gave him a mock salute. "You got it, chief."

They didn't say anything else as I turned and walked back out through the gate. Butters was still standing guard, hammer at the ready for any would-be enemies.

"So, what did they say?" he asked.

"They still don't think I'm goth enough. They want me to tape this sign to the PTA table to 'prove my individuality'."

"Aw hamburgers…" Butters quickly shook off his disappointment. "Well, like you said, we gotta do what we gotta do."

"I guess."

Thankfully, the community center was a short walk away, practically right next to the school. Butters, once again, offered to stay outside and stand guard. I tried to tell him it was unnecessary, but he wouldn't hear it. He seemed determined to ensure that what happened this morning didn't happen again.

With a loud sigh, I walked forward and pushed through the doors.

I know Michael said that there was a big meeting, but it almost seemed like the whole town was inside. I could see a few people that I had already met before, like Jimbo and his buddy from the shop, Kenny's parents, and even Cartman's mom. The rest of the room was filled with people I had yet to meet, and everyone was yelling angrily. I gripped the sign tightly and swallowed my nerves as I went down the empty path between the seats. No one seemed to even notice me yet, which I was kind of grateful for. I could see the PTA table from here. There were several adults I didn't recognize, but I froze in place as I spotted Randy Marsh sitting at the table with them.

"It isn't right, I tell you!" a man in a purple yarmulke shouted. "Out of nowhere this huge Taco Bell is being built, and now our children are missing precious school time!"

The crowd yelled in agreeance, all of them equally furious. A woman in a bright pink sweater with bushy blond hair stood up, arms outstretched.

"Parents, we've been assured by the builders that they are working to fix whatever problems they've encountered, and school should be able to resume soon."

This didn't seem to ease the crowds' concerns.

"Resume soon? Who do they think they are?" a brunette man in a green shirt and white tie stood from his seat. "They think we're gonna see a- a Taco Bell as being more important than our kids' educations?"

I was starting to wonder if I was going to be able to do this with such a huge, angry crowd around me. I glanced up at the table to see if one of the members would respond, and that's when I noticed Randy staring right at me. I tried to grin and gave a small wave, but I probably looked as uncomfortable as I felt. Randy suddenly stood up.

"What if it's not really a Taco Bell we're dealing with?"

That seemed to get the crowds attention. At the very least, it made them all quiet. Randy stopped for a moment and grinned down at me.

"Thanks for coming, kid," he turned back to the crowd. "Everyone, this is the kid whose family just moved to town. We've become very close friends."

A few adults turned to look at me, and I could feel my face start to heat up. Oh God, what are you doing?

"Her name is Ash. This child and I witnessed something last night, and I'd like you to hear her story," he turned to me. "Go ahead, kid."

I could feel my face turning beat red as the eyes of every adult in the room fell on me. My mouth fell open slightly as I stared around, unable to form words.

"Tell them, you know… about all the- go ahead, tell em- tell em that stuff…" Randy muttered, sounding embarrassed.

I couldn't see a way out of this. I slowly set down the sign, took a deep breath, and just let it out.

"Well… Randy and I had the misfortune of being abducted by aliens last night. We both ended up stuck on their ship and I basically had to fight my way all over the place just to get him unstuck. As soon as I did, he went off and left without me- real dick move, by the way- and I ended up having to find my own way out and… and…"

I said everything very quickly in a single breath, determined to finish so that they would stop staring at me. But as soon as I got to the part about actually escaping, I found myself unable to continue. Holy shit… It was my fault the ship crashed into mall, my fault there was burning ruble in neighbors' yards, my fault school was out indefinitely. What would these irritated adults say or do if they found out? The fear was too much, and before I knew it, I was frozen.

"Ash?" Randy asked cautiously.

"Enough of this nonsense!" the brunette in the tie shouted. "This is a waste of everyone's time. If the PTA isn't gonna do something about Taco Bell taking over, then the rest of us parents will!"

"C'mon! Let's go!

"Come on!"

With that, everyone stood up from their seats and began marching out of the building, yelling and shouting. The room was empty within seconds, leaving only me and the PTA members behind. The other members looked exhausted and irritable as they stood from their seats. Randy remained seated and gestured for me to come over. I picked up my sign and walked over, head hung low.

"Stage fright?"

"Sort of… sorry about that."

"It's fine, they probably wouldn't have believed us anyway."

"Hey listen, since I'm here, I need a favor," I held up the sign to show him. "I can't explain right now, but I need to take a picture of this sign tapped to your table. It's urgent."

Randy looked at the sign. "Fuck the Conformists? Look, I know how you're feeling, okay? But this isn't gonna solve anything."

"It'll be really quick. I'll take it down as soon as I have a picture."

Randy glanced around at the other adults, who weren't even paying attention, before leaning in. "Listen, we've got to get inside that "Taco Bell" and find out what's really going on. Help me with that and I'll help you with this."

"Seriously dude?"

"Please, Ash. I saw you on the ship, you have pretty good control of your farts."

I frowned. "Thanks for the observation."

Randy stood up. "Meet me in the bathroom. It's time for you to learn some real power."

Before I could even respond to that bit of nonsense, he turned and made his way into the boys bathroom. I blinked. How the hell was I supposed to get in there? I turned to look at the other adults, who were all too busy stacking chairs to look at me. I shook my head as I creeped my way over to the bathroom. I made sure no one was watching before quickly slipping inside.

"There you are."

I turned and saw Randy standing in the center of the room. For some reason, he was wearing some sort of karate uniform. I didn't even want to know where he got that from.

"Look, what's this about?"

"Ash, I can tell you have potential, but you are undisciplined. Let me show you what I mean."

He turned around for a moment before turning back and taking a fighting stance. He gestured for me.

"Come at me. Try and fart on me, come on!"

I stared at him for a few moments before rolling my eyes. This town gets more fucked by the second. I turned around and prepared my Dragonshout. I let it rumble inside for a moment before letting out. Randy let out a loud "Kiyah!" as he waved his arms sharply. He didn't seem affected at all, and I was honestly surprised.

"See that? You're fart's over there somewhere," he gestured behind him. "Didn't come close. So, what do you do when people can block your farts?"

"Um… try again?"

"Yes, but differently," Randy started to circle around me. "You must learn to control your farts to move and release at a specific time and place. I'm going to teach you a fart called… the Sneaky Squeaker. It will become your greatest ally."

"Really?"

"Don't believe me? Try and block my attack."

He stood in front of me again, getting back into a stance. I spread my feet on the ground and prepared whatever he had in store for me. He suddenly kicked in the air and spun around, letting out a loud fart into his hand. He raised his fist and released it, delicately waving his hands and blowing it in my direction. I began to back up when I suddenly heard the fart squeak directly behind me. I jumped and turned around, and within seconds Randy had run up and proceeded to kick and punch me in the stomach. I didn't even have time to react. It didn't hurt that bad, just surprised me.

"You see that? I distracted you! Distracting your opponents is key to battle."

"No kidding," I groaned as I gingerly rubbed my stomach.

"Here, let me show you again. Pay special attention to the viscosity."

Randy backed up and instantly repeated the move. I prepared for him to attack again, but he just let the fart squeak behind me this time.

"Okay, you try. Make your fart detonate from behind me."

He folded his arms and waited. I reached behind me and took a moment to prepare a fart before releasing it into my hand, similar to how I do a cup a spell. I raised my hand and released it, and I could almost see it floating over towards him. I waved my hands to cause it to float behind him. As soon as it fell onto the floor I clenched my fists, causing it to squeak behind him.

"Yes, just like that. Good!"

At that moment the door opened. Randy instantly pulled me behind him as Mr. Mackey, of all people, walked through. Randy greeted him briefly as the counselor walked over to the urinal. He leaned over and whispered to me.

"Now it's your turn. Use your Sneaky Squeaker to distract Mr. Mackey over in the corner there."

Randy stood aside. I was forever grateful that there was a mini stall blocking most of Mackey from view. I remembered how he had acted at school the other day and felt ready to dish out a little extra justice. I reached behind me and farted into my hand. I released it and waved it over to the corner by Mackey. I squeezed my fist and it squeaked.

"Huh? Hey, did you hear that? Sounded like a chipmunk."

Mackey zipped his pants and turned in the direction of the squeak. Randy instantly pounced, jumping up and kicking the man right in his swollen head. He fell to the ground, unconscious. Randy grinned as he walked back over to me.

"Very, very good. Now use what I taught you to sneak inside that Taco Bell. Find out what they're up to and report back here."

"And then you'll help me get my picture?" I asked.

"Yes, I will. But now matter what happens, never fart on anyone's balls. Got that?"

I snickered. "No worried, dude. I've already taken the oath."

Randy smiled. "That's good to hear. Now go."

I nodded before turning and walking out. The other adults were thankfully distracted from talking to each other to notice me coming out and didn't even see me walking out of the building. Butters was stationed right where I left him.

"Well, did yah get it?"

I let out a long, tired sigh. "We have a long day ahead of us, buddy."

We took a fast travel to get as close to the mall as we could before walking the rest of the way. We ended up walking past Tokin's house, and I could see signs promoting the upcoming "Taco Bell" on the community wall. Of all the things they could use to cover this up, this had to be the weirdest. I wondered if they had to make some sort of deal with the company to use them as a cover up. I then wondered if they could be sued if they hadn't.

I saw the crowds before I even saw the mall. I could see several members from the PTA meeting standing by, looking angry, along with confused bystanders. The mall itself was practically obliterated, leaving nothing but the obvious spaceship in the center of the ruble. Even with the few flimsy pieces of tarp thrown on by the nearby helicopters, it was obvious what it was. I was starting to think people in this town were just that dumb.

"Come on," Butters muttered.

We stayed close as we carefully pushed through the crowd, trying to get closer to the front. I could see army trucks and several men in hazmat suits. A man in a black suit with a receding hairline suddenly came out and stepped towards the crowd.

"Folks, there's nothing to be concerned with here. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary is going on. Were simply getting ready for the grand opening of a new Taco Bell."

"They are so getting sued for this…" I whispered to Butters, who giggled.

"New Taco Bell opening soon. Very big Taco Bell. It's gonna open in a few weeks. Thank you!"

For a moment, the crowd just stared. Then, one man raised his hand.

"Uh, will this Taco Bell be serving enchiritos?"

The man in the suit paused. "What?"

"Well, is it gonna be a full menu Taco Bell or is this gonna be one of those Taco Bell KFC combos?"

"That's a fair question," Butters murmured.

The man in the suit turned around and put a hand to his ear. I couldn't hear him, but he was definitely talking to someone on the other side.

"Look, it's a simple question," the man continued. "If this is gonna be a huge Taco Bell, will it serve enchiritos? I think we have a right to know-"

There was a soft pop and blood burst from the man's head. He fell to the ground, dead, an obvious bullet wound in the center of his forehead. Butters gasped and I covered his eyes without thinking, unable to take my own eyes off the body. Nobody seemed to notice or realize what had happened. The woman who had been standing next to the man stood frozen, staring down at him.

"Mark…?"

"Folks, we know you're all very excited, but for your safety we ask you stay clear of the construction site."

The man in the suit didn't seem fazed. Nobody seemed fazed. As soon as he spoke the crowd dispersed and walked away from the site, all except the woman.

"Mark?!"

I grabbed Butters hand and dragged him away from the sight. We moved back to the sidewalk and crouched behind a large pile of snow. I peeked around to make sure no one was watching us before turning back to Butters.

"Okay," I breathed. "So… this might be a bit of a challenge."

"No kidding! How are we supposed to get past anybody?"

"I think I may have a way around that," I said, remembering the Sneaky Squeaker Randy taught me. "But, even if we get passed them we have no idea what we're walking into. There could be hundreds of guys in there."

"What should we do?"

What could we do? We could definitely be outmatched in there, and most likely outgunned. It was too much for just two of us to handle.

But then I realized.

"Butters, where is everyone else right now?"

"They're in Kupa Keep preparing for battle. I'd ask them for help, but they can't come now."

"That's fine. I…" I hesitated, then sighed. "I know someone who might help us."

"What? Who?"

Here comes the hard part. I didn't want to lie to him, but I knew I couldn't tell him everything. If I told him what the king had offered to me, he would be furious. So, I settled for the rest of the story.

I glanced up at him. "Remember how I said I was able to get out of the Elf Kingdom just fine? Well… that's because they let me go."

Butters gasped. "What?!"

"It's true! The Elf King tried to convince me that they didn't have the Stick, so I asked to look around. He actually let me!"

"But why?"

"Because I showed some mercy to one of his elves back at the Giggling Donkey. He let me search his whole kingdom and I didn't find it. Now, that doesn't mean they might not have it somewhere else," I said quickly as Butters frowned at me. "But… you gotta admit, it is a bit weird."

"Ash, where are you going with this."

I gripped my fists tightly. "Basically, the elves and I are on semi neutral terms until further notice. When I left, the king had his ranger Stan escort me back to school, but on the way, he told me that his phone had been stolen from him by his She-Ogre sister. That pissed me off, so I helped him defeat it and get it back. When we parted ways, he… he said he owed me one. A favor for a favor."

Butters stood up and took a step back. "S-Sir Ash, you can't be serious."

"Butters, I know how it sounds, but-"

"You want me to fight along side an elf?!" he shook his head furiously. "N-no, I can't fight with one of those… those bastards! No! The only good elf is a dead elf!"

"I know how you feel dude, but we need more help with this one and he's the only one who can give it."

He took a few more steps back before folding his arms and turning his back to me. Seeing him do that to me made feel like a sinking pit had formed in my stomach. I took a deep breath and shook my head. No, not now. I slowly stepped towards Butters, who didn't move from his position. I carefully put a hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed. He didn't tense or shake me off, he just stood still.

"Butters, please… you have to trust me on this."

He didn't respond for a moment. Then, I felt his gloved hand reach up and grasp mine.

"I do trust you…"

I ignored my rapidly beating heart as he turned to look at me, still holding my hand.

"The Grand Wizard would never approve of this."

"I know."

"But… it's our only option, isn't it?"

"I think so."

We stood there for what felt like hours before he let out a long, defeated sigh.

"Alright then. Call him."

I grinned, giving his shoulder another squeeze before letting my arm fall. I tried to shake off the goosebumps that had erupted all over me as I pulled out my phone. I searched for the number and hit call. It rang once, twice…

"Hello?"

"Ranger Stan, it's Sir Ash."

"Oh, hey. Is everything alright?"

I glanced over at Butters, who was watching me intently. He gave a stiff nod.

"Remember that favor you mentioned? I need to cash it in."