Ch. 10
The Battle Rages On

This was it; the moment we had been waiting for, the battle that would finally end this madness. The sky had turned a deep orange and red as the sun set behind the mountains, casting an eerie glow onto the school building. All of the windows seemed dark, suggesting that nobody was inside, but we knew better. I knew for a fact there was more than one way to get into the school even if the front door was locked.

The entire army of Kupa Keep as well as the Gothic Faction were all standing in a huddle on the sidewalk just in front of the path that led to the front doors of the building. I stood in front of all of them, wand held tightly in my grasp, ready to prove myself worthy of my title as Commander. Paladin Butters stood beside me, ready to fight and defend when necessary. The only one who stood ahead of all of us was the Grand Wizard. He held his staff at his side as he observed the school. Though I couldn't see his expression, I could tell he was filled with righteous fury, ready to defend his people and regain the Stick.

For a few minutes the only sound I could hear was the wind, sending a biting chill as it nipped at my nose. I tried to stay focused on our goal and what we would have to do to achieve it, but even as I readied myself to fight, I found myself worried. Would this fight really be the end of it all? Would we humans finally defeat the Drow Elves? Or… would the cycle simply repeat itself once more? Would we be caught in a never-ending loop, constantly fighting over the awesome power of the Stick of Truth? Were we doomed to just constantly fight each other for generations to come?

I never expected this when I moved to this town, and I sure as hell didn't expect to get so fucking existential about this game and its' meaning.

"Y-you okay, Commander?"

I thoughts were cut off as I heard Butters' voice. Without looking at him, I shook myself off and nodded.

"Yeah, dude," I said as casually as I could manage. "Just… prepping myself up for battle, that's all."

I couldn't bear to look at him, but I could feel his eyes on me. Before he could say anything else however, the Wizard King finally turned to address us.

"Defenders of freedom," he spoke loudly to us. "I thank you for your courage and your audacities in joining our fight. Tonight, we are no longer the humans or the goths. Tonight, we unite as one!"

"I feel like such a homosapien right now," I heard Michael groaned behind me.

I turned to smirk at him. "Relax. You might actually enjoy yourself."

"The humans are here!"

My head snapped up as I heard the voice yell from further ahead of us. One of the windows in the top floor had opened and an elf had poked his head out. After yelling his warning, a second elf appeared with a small horn and blew it loudly; their call to battle.

"Oh, they blew their horn!" Cartman turned to Butters. "Blow ours, Butters!"

Butters seemed to pull another horn out of nowhere and blew it loudly. The wizard nodded before looking to us and gesturing with his staff.

"Guys, flank left! Goth kids, prepare to attack from behind!"

With that final command, the defenders of Kupa Keep charged forward. The citizens of the kingdom headed for the front doors while the goths headed towards the gate that led to the back.

I froze. I couldn't explain why, but something about this battle had left me with an intense feeling. Dread? Excitement? My heart was pounding hard in my chest, I could hear it in my head, and I could feel a chill wash over me that had nothing to do with the cold. Was I even breathing?

"Commander Ash!"

Everything I was feeling vanished as I heard Butters call out to me. I shook my head hard before forcing my feet to move, running until I was at the entrance. Butters, Princess Kenny and the Wizard King stood in the front, staring at the action before us. The entrance was filled with a mass of humans and elves duking it out, with little to no space to move around them.

"They've barricaded the entrance. The elves are up to their old Jew tricks again!" said the wizard. "We need to find another way in."

Princess Kenny muttered questioningly as she gripped her bow. Butters fiddled with his hands as he stared at the chaos. I, however, had turned away from the mass of boys to look at the gate that led to the back.

"I have an idea," I looked to the wizard. "I think we should be able to sneak through the back where the goths hang out. I'll need Butters and the princess to help me protect and defend our people. Will you be okay on your own, my king?"

Cartman puffed out his chest and smirked with even more pride than I thought he already had. "You're talking to a Grand Wizard, Commander. I will be perfectly fine on my own."

I nodded before turning to Butters and the princess. "Alright you two, let's get going."

Butters grinned and Kenny punched a fist into the air. I quickly lead them back to the gate. As we went through, I could see several elves already laying face first in the snow. We all looted them for some extra potions before moving forward. That's when I noticed Pete kneeling on the ground, and the other goths were crouched around him.

"Ah! Ow, I hurt my fucking ankle!"

"Just try not to move it," said Henrietta.

I quickly ran forward and kneeled beside him. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"Only on the inside…"

I rolled my eyes. "Butters."

"I'm on it," he came forward and gently rubbed and patted Pete's shoulder. "There you go, buddy."

After just a few seconds Pete was able to stand. "Hey, I'm healed!"

"Good. You guys know how to get inside through here?"

"Yeah, just go through the door. We had it locked so nobody else could get in."

Pete walked up the stairs until he reached the door. I heard clicking sounds for a few moments before the door creaked open slightly. I grinned and bowed my head to him.

"Thank you, Pete."

Pete looked at the ground and shuffled his feet, muttering something like "Have at it, hobbit," before sitting back down at his usual spot. I turned to face my other comrades.

"Alright, here's the plan. Butters, remember my strategy for when we snuck onto the crash site?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Okay, we're gonna be doing the same thing here. Princess Kenny and I will fight and defend as we go, with you landing sneak attacks whenever you can. I also need you to heal any humans we come across on our way. Do you think you can handle it?"

"Y-Yes sir, Commander!" Butters said confidently as he saluted me.

I turned to Kenny. "You ready to kick some ass, Your Highness?"

"Hm mmm hmhmm!"

"Sweet," I turned to look at the goths. "Aren't you guys coming?"

"We need a break from all this "excitement," Michael said in a bored voice as he pulled out a cigarette. "We'll come find you after we've had a smoke."

"We cleared the way, you can handle it for now," Henrietta said as she pulled out her lighter.

"Yeah, go kick their ass, Sir Douche-o-lot."

"Alright…" I turned to face the door. "Let's go!"

I held my wand out as I kicked open the door. It seemed to be some sort of kitchen with countertops and ovens, but there didn't seem to be anyone inside. There was broken glass and water puddles on the floor, and someone had written 'Elves Rule' in spray paint on the wall. I gestured for the others to follow as I made my way across the room to the next door.

Just as we reached the door, I heard the speakers suddenly turn on. I nearly froze when I heard the voice of the Elf King.

"Ash, if you're in the building, you must know you're fighting for a tyrant. But I know there's good in you. Stop fighting for your evil lord! Free yourself from his control!"

I was expecting him to say something more, but the mic cut off after that. The kings' voice was still calm like before, but there was obvious anger behind his words. I shook my head. I can't afford to get flustered and stop now.

I pushed my way through the next door, the other two following close behind me. This room was obviously the cafeteria, but it had been reduced to a messy battlefield. Trash and puddles littered the room and there was more graffiti on the walls.

"Geez, it's a mess in here. Those elves are crazy!"

Princess Kenny nodded, holding up her skirt as we passed over another large puddle. We moved away from the mess until we reached a door that was barricaded. When I opened the door, the first thing I noticed was Tweek standing by a vending machine, fiddling with his hands and twitching like crazy. Several humans were unconscious on the floor, looking badly injured.

"Don't go in there, man!" Tweek cried as he saw us. "We just got through the back. They just mowed us down, like dogs, man! All my friends are dead!"

"Shh, calm down," I said gently as I put a hand on his shoulder. "It's alright. Are you injured?"

"Ngh… N-No…"

I reached into my bag of potions and pulled out a water bottle. "Here, drink a power potion and take a breath. We need you in this fight, okay?"

Tweek stared at the bottle for a second before taking it in his shaking grasp. "Th-Thank you…"

I nodded before turning around, staring down at the fallen humans. I turned to Butters as I pointed at them.

"Butters, see what you can do for them."

"Of course, Commander!"

Butters rushed over and began to examine the fallen. As he did, I turned to observe the rest of the room. There was a huge blockade made of branches and school posters. I could see elves just beyond it, one of whom was holding what looked like a firehose.

"How the hell are we…"

I stopped talking as I looked up. There was a long tube light hanging just above the crowd of elves. It seemed to already be hanging by a thread and was swinging slightly. I glanced around quickly and noticed a crack in the water pipe the hose was connected to.

"Princess, ready your arrows. Aim for that pipe."

"Mmhm!"

Princess Kenny instantly took out her beautiful bow and loaded it as I took out my crossbow. She took careful aim before firing. The pipe burst and sprayed water everywhere, dosing the elves and the floor. While the elves were distracted by the burst I aimed and fired at the light. The wire snapped and the light swung down, landing on the floor. Two of the three elves were instantly shocked and knocked down.

"Hmm!"

I turned to see Princess Kenny prying open a busted air vent. Without hesitating I followed her in. The vent lead us to the other side of the barricade, right behind the third remaining elf. He hadn't spotted us yet, too preoccupied with checking on his fallen friends.

"Oh God! Oh no!"

He suddenly whipped around and saw us. Instead of pulling out a weapon, he knelt on the ground beside his friends, practically trembling.

"Dude, j-just take my lunch money! Please, spare me!"

Princess Kenny stood beside me, arrow already loaded and aimed. She muffled a firm, "Shall I, Commander?" I stared down at the trembling boy and was met with a sense of déjà vu. I remembered the sight of the frightened elf in the attic of the Giggling Donkey, and how terrible I had felt at making him so afraid of me. We were in the middle of an intense battle, but I was compelled to show mercy once more.

I raised a hand and gently pushed down her arm. She looked at me quizzically but didn't argue. I looked down at the elf boy and nodded my head to the side.

"Go on, get out of here."

He blinked in confusion for a moment before getting to his feet and running off. I heard the princess sigh as she holstered her bow again.

I turned to continue on and found myself facing yet another large barricade. This one was taller and made of wood with flaming torches on either side. "Humans Keep Out" was scrawled on in red paint.

"Give up, we fortified this shit!" I heard an elf call out from behind the barricade.

How the hell were we supposed to get passed this? Princess Kenny tugged on my sleeve and pointed at another vent. We didn't hesitate to pull it open and peek inside. It was too high for both of us to climb up. I stood in front of Kenny and patted my shoulders.

"Come on, I'll push you up."

She nodded before slowly and carefully climbing on top of me. Once she was standing on my shoulders, I helped push her up until she reached the ledge. She was out of sight for a few seconds before I heard a loud crash and cry of pain. Kenny quickly came back and started to climb down. I grasped her waist and carefully lowered her to the ground, making sure not to mess up her dress in the process. Princess Kenny giggled sweetly as she slipped out of my grasp, blushing red beneath her parka. I smirked as I shook my head, my cheeks feeling slightly warm.

When we exited the vent, I could see another elf passed out on the ground, the vent gate laying beside him. One issue down, one more to go.

I glanced up at the torches and grinned. I used a cup-a-spell on both torches, causing them to explode. The barricade fell to pieces and the two remaining elves fell beside alongside it. Princess Kenny cheered and clapped for me, and I gave her a tiny bow.

I was just about to continue when I remembered we had left Butters on the other side of the blockades. I turned around and cupped my hands around my mouth.

"Butters, everything alright over there?"

"Our men are injured pretty badly, Commander," he called back. "I-It might take me a while to patch them up fully, b-but I don't wanna leave you guys alone."

"Don't worry about us," I assured him. "Keeping our people alive is our main priority. Do what you can for them then meet back up with us."

"I will, Commander."

I turned to Princess Kenny. "Let's keep moving, Your Highness."

She nodded, looking more determined than ever.

We made our way through the double doors and found ourselves in the hallway of lockers. Several metal gates were posted, and I could hear boys yelling and fighting. I felt my phone buzz and pulled it out to see a message from Cartman.

Commander Ash, we're still blocked out here. I'm authorizing the use of deadly force. Flank that barricade!

I nodded as I placed my phone back in my pocket. We started to make our way down the hall when we came by another blockade. Seriously, how many of these things did they make? There was a single elf standing on the pile looking smug as we approached.

"You're not getting past this, human!"

"We'll see about that."

I noticed that there was a torch here as well, but there was a fan right next to it. If I used Cup-a-Spell it would just dissipate.

"Hmm!"

Princess Kenny must have been thinking the same thing I was, because before I could ask, she had loaded her bow and fired at the fan. The arrow got stuck in the fan as it fell over, crashing to the ground. The elf's' jaw dropped, and I smirked.

"Nice shot, Princess."

I farted into my hand and lunged it at the torch, causing it to burst. The fire hit the elf and knocked him down. The force had also caused the wooden blockade to crack. I ran forward and started kicking at it until it finally broke. Once it did, I was able to climb up and loot him for everything he had. I started to make my way to the other side when I saw another elf who hadn't noticed me yet. Despite wanting to run up and fight, I figured there might be another way to sneak by.

Just as I came back down, the speakers rang out and I could her the Elf Kings' voice again.

"These are the terms of your surrender. One, you will be the elves personal slave for…"

"A month."

I was slightly surprised as I recognized Stan's voice.

"One month! Two, you agree that the elves are the masters of the Stick for all time! Three, you… uh…"

"Hey, hand me the mic for a sec… Three, the so-called Grand Wizard has to jump up and down continuously for three straight days. If he stops early, he has to start all over."

The king laughed gleefully before the mic cut out once more. I stared up at the nearest speaker in disbelief.

"Alright, I'll admit the idea of him trying to jump is funny, but three days straight might actually kill him."

Princess Kenny simply shrugged. I guess the idea of the Grand Wizard dying didn't bother her much. Suddenly she pointed up at the ceiling, and I turned to see an air vent right above us. I was just about to tell her we had no way to reach it when I noticed a blinking blue light through the blades.

I took out my crossbow and fired, knocking the vent down. Sure enough, inside the vent was one of those alien teleporters. I groaned.

"You know what? I don't even wanna know."

I bent over and clenched tightly, bringing out the satellite. I grabbed Princess Kenny's arm before clenching my cheeks, and within a second, we were standing in the vents. The princess swooned for a moment as though she were dizzy but shook it off quickly.

This vent was much dustier and dirtier, as evident by the rat trap we had to step over. As we reached the end there was a large hole ripped into the side. We stepped through and found ourselves next to another vent that was hanging halfway out of the ceiling, with thick yellow and red wires attached to it. The frayed and damaged cable it was hanging on was barley holding it up.

I peeked through the hole as much as I could and saw the elf standing right below us. Without hesitation I reached up and yanked at the cable. It was enough to send it crashing down right on top of him, knocking him out instantly. Princess Kenny cheered and clapped for me, and I found myself blushing at her praise.

We each took turns sliding down the colored cabled to get back onto the ground. I managed to swipe some change from the unconscious elf before making my way to the door that led to the basement.

"Commander!"

I stopped and turned. Butters was sprinting towards us at top speed, looking frantic. He didn't stop until he came skidding to a halt in front of us, visibly out of breath.

"Butters, calm down," I said quickly. "Are you okay? Are the other humans alright?"

"Y-Yes! I managed to patch them up, good and proper. They'll be ready to fight once more," he swallowed and took another deep breath. "I-I was just trying to catch up with you. Didn't want you to go into battle without me."

I smiled at him. "You're too good for this world, Butters."

Butters grinned, and I could've sworn his cheeks started to go pink. Princess Kenny rolled her eyes.

"Right, let's keep moving."

Without another word I pushed the door open, coming to a small flight of stairs. We only made it down a few steps when I noticed a very familiar wizard standing on the floor below.

"Your Majesty? What are you-"

But I stopped as I noticed someone else was laying on the floor next to him. A young boy with dozens of freckles, bright ginger hair, and wearing a sash- it was a hall monitor. Cartman whipped around as we reached the floor and held his hands up.

"Stay back, you guys! Something is seriously wrong with the hallway monitors!"

"Help…" the boy pleaded in a raspy voice. "Please…"

Butters gasped. "That's Gary Nelson!"

"Don't touch him! He's ginger!"

Butters ignored the king and knelt beside Gary, wrapping an arm around him to help him sit up. I quickly walked over to kneel beside them too.

"Kid, what's wrong?" I asked. "What happened?"

Gary looked up at me with heavy-lidded eyes. "We came to school the morning after the earthquake to report for duty. We… we didn't know school had been canceled…"

He suddenly lurched forward as he began to cough- loud and wet, the kind that hurts to even hear. When he stopped and fell back into Butters' arms, I could see something dripping from the corner of his mouth. A dark green liquid…

"W-We heard a sound from down here, found this green goo. It was everywhere. It… changed the other hallway monitors…"

My blood ran cold as I stood up. "Butters, put him down."

"But I could help-"

"Put him down now!"

I grabbed Butters by his cape and yanked him back hard, causing him to drop Gary onto the ground. Butters stared at me as I dragged him further away from the contaminated hall monitor.

"Good call, Commander," said the Wizard King. "Serves him right for being a patsy ass hallway monitor in the first place."

Gary slowly got to his feet, shuffling oddly as he turned away from us. My grip on Butters tightened as I saw Gary's pale skin start to turn a sickly gray color.

"Something in the goo…" he groaned. "It… i-it…"

He never finished his sentence. His arms and shoulders began twitching oddly and I was certain I could hear his bones snapping. After a few seconds he whipped around; his whole face had changed color and he was now wearing a red swastika. He raised his hand in the air and started shouting in German.

"Aw, not again!" Butters cried.

"AH! Somehow that green goo makes ginger hallway monitors even lamer!" Cartman yelled as he made his way for the stairs.

The zombie that was once Gary Nelson pulled out a walkie talkie and spouted some German into it. Two more zombie monitors burst from behind the boxes in the shadows and ran up to join their comrade. The zombies seemed to be shielding and arming themselves for their first turn.

"How the hell are we supposed to deal with this now?"

"ASH!"

I turned in time to see Butters running up to me with a large fire extinguisher. Before I could ask, he thrusted it into my hands.

"What are-"

"New ability!" he said very quickly. "Funnel of Frost! Y-you can slow down enemies with it. J-just use it!"

I didn't have time to examine my new item this time, so I simply nodded and turned back to the zombies.

"Not a lot of room to sneak around, Butters. Just focus on healing for now."

"Yes sir!"

As soon as I gave the order zombie Gary ran up and swung at me with the makeshift pickaxe he had found. Thankfully I managed to block both of his attacks. As he started to step back, I grabbed the nozzle on the extinguisher, held it out, and pulled the trigger. White, foamy mist spat out with brute force and knocked Gary back. He let out a gargled groan and began to wipe his eyes.

Princess Kenny began to sing, summoning her army of rats. She gestured at the zombies, and the little creatures charged. The wave of rats slammed into the zombies, causing them all to start bleeding. One zombie charged at Kenny and tried to bite her, but only managed a few scratches. The other zombie ran at me and threw a few punches. He was surprisingly fast and managed to hit me in the gut.

I groaned as my stomach ached but stood my ground. I quickly dumped the creatures in water before hitting them with my battery. The zombies jerked as they were shocked, and Gary seemed to be stuck where he stood. Princess Kenny quickly chugged a cure potion before pulling out her bow. She aimed for one of the zombies and fired at him three times, hitting him each time. The same zombie charged at her and swung at her with a ruler, smacking her on the head. I tried to grab her a health potion by instinct and had to step back as the other zombie ran up and tried to bite me. Thankfully he only managed to grab my sleeve, and I kicked him back onto the floor.

"H-hold on, Your Highness!"

Butters ran up to Kenny and began to pat her back, bringing her health back up. I quickly pulled out a power potion and chugged it as fast as I could. I tossed the bottle away from me before pulling out my Dragons Breath. I aimed it at the zombie that tried to bite me, lighting him on fire instantly. He groaned in pain for a moment before falling to the ground. Princess Kenny shot her arrows directly at Gary, causing him to bleed even more. The other remaining zombie charged at me and tried to bite, but I was able to block him down, smacking his head as I did. He didn't get up this time.

While Kenny began firing at Gary, Butters ran over and began to heal me. I could feel myself getting better as he rubbed my back gently. I smiled at him before getting back to my feet. Gary was still stunned and unable to move. I ran up to him and smacked him in the head with my wand. Kenny fired her arrows one more time before Gary finally fell to the ground.

All three of us stood there panting, staring at the fallen zombies as though they might get back up. Once I was sure they wouldn't, I finally placed my wand back in my pocket. Princess Kenny placed her bow over her shoulder, brushing dust and dirt off of her skirt.

"What do we do now?" Butters asked.

I turned to face the door on the other side of the room. "We keep moving."

I didn't hesitate to step through the door, and I could hear the other two following behind me.

The next room looked like a scene in a movie. It was trashed and damaged, water leaking from the ceiling and rats crawling all over. But my eyes were glued to the massive puddles of green goo, glowing and bubbling all over the place. Kenny gasped and lifted her skirt up, and Butters gulped loudly as he placed a hand on my shoulder. I told them to stay close and be careful as we started to make our way further into the room.

We had only gone a few steps when I noticed a small group of zombie monitors on the other side. There seemed to be only three, but they were heavily armed. I looked around to see if there was another way and noticed a vent on the wall high above the zombies. That must connect to the one by the upper level we just passed.

"Look," Butters whispered as he pointed.

I followed his hand to see a large puddle of water on the ground between us and the zombies. It was sparking with electricity, and I could see broken wires hanging from the wall, laying in the water.

"I have an idea," I turned to Kenny. "Princess, think you could draw a few of them over, get them into the water?"

Princess Kenny nodded enthusiastically.

"Good," I turned to Butters. "Butters, I need you to go up the ladder and crawl through that vent. When you come out on the other side, knock out the grate so it takes out the second zombie. Think you can manage?"

"Yes!"

"Okay. Go ahead and get to the other side and wait for my signal."

Butters turned and ran back towards the ladder. As he climbed up, Princess Kenny marched ahead until she was just in front of the water puddle, careful not to touch it. I could hear soft banging as Butters crawled through the vent. After a few moments I could see his face peeking from the other side of the grate high on the wall. Princess Kenny turned to me. I pointed at the closest zombie and nodded.

The princess whistled loudly before reaching up and pulling down the front of her dress. The zombie closest to her didn't say anything vulgar as other kids had done, but he did drop his weapon and started shuffling awkwardly towards her. I guess a boys' mind is the same whether they're dead or alive.

The moment the zombie touched the water it started to twist and jerk as it was shocked. Princess Kenny giggled as the poor thing crumpled to the floor.

"Butters, now!"

The second zombie leaning against the wall had just enough time to turn to look at me before the grate fell on top of his head. He stumbled for a moment before falling to the floor alongside his friend. It was at that moment that I noticed some kind of fuse box right against the wall where he had been standing. The third zombie, either unbothered or too braindead to realize what had happened to his comrades, was standing near it.

I quickly pulled out my crossbow and fired a shot at the box. It busted open, now smoking. I reached behind me for a cup-a-spell and threw it at the box. It exploded more than I anticipated, knocking the third zombie down. Princess Kenny said something like, "Awesome plan, Commander" and I smiled.

Princess Kenny and I took turned jumping across the water puddle, which thankfully wasn't too wide. Butters was still sitting up in the vent, looking down at us.

"It's alright now, Butters," I said. "You can jump."

"O-oh, uh… I don't know, Commander. I-I should probably climb back down…"

"There's no time, we have to go," I took a step forward and held up my arms. "Don't worry, I'll catch you."

Butters blinked a me a couple of times, then nodded. He took a deep breath and yelped as he leapt from the vent. He ended up crashing right into me, knocking me down onto the floor. I heard the princess let out a gasp. Butters was laying right on top of me, gripping my shoulders tightly. I could feel him shaking.

"Are you okay?" I asked, patting his back.

"Y-yeah…" he muttered. Still holding onto me, he pushed himself up enough to look down at me. "Are you alright, Commander?"

I didn't respond at first. The sight of Butters hovering over me, looking me in the eye, all while his hands were gripping my shoulders, had caused knots to form in my stomach. Never mind the fact that he was practically laying on top of me.

"Y-Yeah…"

Princess Kenny cleared her throat loudly. Butters and I immediately started to scramble to our feet, brushing ourselves off and straightening our robes. I looked in my robes pockets to examine my magic items to give myself something to look at other than him.

"Right," I said. "Let's keep moving."

We walked until we reached a small set of stairs, leading up to another door. I could hear battle cries before I even opened the door. This hallway was littered with fallen warriors, a combination of humans and elves. Butters crouched beside one of the humans closest to us and examined him. He looked back up at me sadly, and I swallowed hard.

"Butters, can't you…"

Butters shook his head. "There's only so much a paladin can do, Commander."

At that moment the speakers came to life again. It seemed the Elf King had more to say.

"Ash, I don't want you to be on the wrong side of this when Wizard Fatass' army falls! Think about what you're doing!"

The speakers died after that. Butters and I looked at each other, and he shook his head. Was he worried that I was considering taking the kings previous deal? Even if I wanted to, I was in too deep at this point.

"Come on you two."

Butters got to his feet, and he and Princess Kenny followed me down the hallway. I wasn't sure what I was going to see on the other side this time and was mentally preparing for whatever came our way. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open.

We were clearly in the front entrance of the school, but it looked very different than before. Chairs, desks and trashcans were stacked together to form a wall surrounding the center of the floor on both sides. I could see elf banners hanging from the railings above. The room was also filled with so many elves. They must have gathered to keep the entrance blocked.

"We're breached! Battle stations!"

My head snapped when I heard that voice. I turned to see Stan running up the stairs as the other elves gathered in the center. He ran up to the railing, where I could see a large device that looked like a makeshift slingshot. He reached into one of the large blue tubs behind him and loaded the sling with something.

"Hey douchebag, let's see how you like some flaming dog shit!"

"Run!"

Butters grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to the side. All three of us slammed into the wall as several piles of flaming crap landed on the floor right where we had been standing. The smell was absolutely putrid. Princess Kenny leaned against me as she started gagging, and Butters' grip on my arm was painfully tight.

"This is fucking disgusting," I groaned, staring at the mess all around me.

"Ash, what do we do?"

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking!"

I looked all around us, trying to find a way around everything. Elves were all around the barrier, ready to fight if we got too close, and shit continued to rain down around us. I looked above to see if there were any vents or something to climb on, and then… there it was. An alien teleporter on the upper level. I didn't even question why it was there, I was just so glad that it was.

"Okay. Princess, you stay here," I told her. "Stay out of the line of fire. I'm gonna try to stop them. Butters, you're with me."

Butters looked worried but nodded. I grabbed his hand as I quickly bent over and brought out the satellite, aimed it at the teleporter, and clenched. In a flash, we appeared on the upper level of the room.

"You can't hide forever!" I heard Stan shout.

I glanced over the railing to look down at Princess Kenny. She was standing off to the side, hiding from the oncoming piles of shit. Butters and I quickly made our way to the other side, and I noticed part of the floor had been broken, and a thick rope that led down to the floor had been tied up. I glanced down to make sure there weren't any elves beneath me before grabbing the rope and sliding down.

"There they are!" Stan yelled. "I've got plenty of dogshit, dude!"

We ran around the small area as he prepared to fire. Butters stood against some nearby doors, and I ran up to a large wooden board that made up part of the barricade, thinking he wouldn't try to fire on their own structure. He fired, and I had to duck out of the way at the oncoming pile of flaming shit. The disgusting smell filled my nose as it splattered all around me. I stood up to look around when I noticed that the board I had been standing by had a huge shit smeared all over it, and it was still on fire.

I ran up to it and used Dragonshout on the board and was knocked back lightly as it exploded. The section where the board had been was now completely opened. Two of the elves inside the area had been knocked out, and the other two had their weapons out, ready to fight.

"We'll handle this, sir!" one of the elves had shouted to Stan.

"I don't suppose there's any chance you two could just sit this one out, huh?" I asked jokingly.

"Let's get this asshole!"

I groaned. "Guess not…"

One of the elves ran up to swing at me, but just as I went to block it Butters appeared by my side, his hammer blocking the oncoming blow. I took my chance and kicked the boy in the shin, causing him to yell and stagger back. As we stepped back, I grabbed a speed potion from my pocket and downed it in one gulp, smashing the cup onto the ground.

"Let's fucking go."

Before either of the elves could say anything, I dumped them with water. I was able to shock them with my battery, knocking down their health. Thanks to the speed potion, I was able to grab my Dragon's Breath and used it on one of the elves. He screamed for a moment as his head caught fire before he went down immediately. Butters marched up and used his Hammer of Storms to break the other elf's armor but couldn't cause any damage.

"Man, I could be watching TV right now…" the elf muttered angrily.

He ran up to Butters and managed to give him two good whacks to his sides, but he didn't seem too hurt. I didn't hesitate to run up and use Dragonshout on him, and he fell to his knees as he was stunned. Butters ran up and whacked him a few times with his hammer, stopping only to let me use Dragons Breath again. The elf looked like he was seconds away from passing out as Butter smirked at him.

"I shall smite thee!"

He lifted his hammer and brought it down on the kids' head, finally ending him. I grinned at him as he sheathed his weapon.

"Nice going, dude."

"Well, it serves 'em right!"

"This isn't over!" Stan shouted, and he ran though the back door before either of us could respond.

"Princess," I called out. "It's safe now, come on out."

After a moment, Princess Kenny appeared, crawling over the other side of the barrier to meet us in the middle. She muttered sadly about the multiple singes on the skirt of her dress, but otherwise she seemed unharmed.

Suddenly the doors to the side of the building opened, and I raised my wand, thinking it was more elves. It turned out to be Cartman. Where the hell had he been?

"Good work, all of you," he told us proudly, purposely stepping on some of the fallen elves as he walked up to us. "You have fought valiantly thusfar, especially you, Commander."

I bowed to him. "Thank you, Your Majesty."

"Now Commander, man the catapult and let our boys through the front door."

I nodded and made my way to Stan's catapult, which still had some flaming shit loaded. I grabbed it, aimed it at the armored door, and fired. The door was now covered in flames. The Wizard King marched up, used his own cup-a-spell and threw it forward. The doors exploded open, and the remaining humans began pouring in. Princess Kenny clapped, and Butters cheered.

"That's it," the wizard said quickly. "Hurry, open the door before they realized what's happened!"

Craig ran past everyone and made his way to the door that led back into the school. He fiddled with the lock for a moment before it creaked open.

"We're in."

"Push forward! I must save my strength for the final battle!"

I turned to Kenny. "Princess, stay with the wizard and gather your strength. We'll press on, okay?"

Princess Kenny sighed with relief and nodded. I turned to Butters and grinned.

"You ready to finish this shit?"

"A-as I'll ever be, Commander."

With Butters by my side, I strode forward and pushed the door open, ready to make our way to the classroom so we could finally retrieve the Stick. But as soon as we stepped forward, I saw that a single elf kneeling on the ground, waiting for us. I recognized him immediately.

"This ends here, Commander."

Stan stood up, drawing out his sword, a look of determination on his face. Memories of how he had fought the She-Ogre and the zombies at the crash site flooded my head, and I began to feel uneasy. Butters already had his hammer out, ready to fight, but I hesitated as I brought out my wand.

"Stan, please," I pleaded firmly. "I don't wanna fight you."

Stan glared at me. "I wouldn't wanna fight me, neither."

He brought his fingers to his lips and whistled. A second later, a dog- the same one I had seen at his house- ran forward to stand beside him, growling at us. Now this was fucked. I didn't want to hurt an animal, but it seemed like I didn't have a choice.

"Butters, you handle the dog, I'll handle Stan."

"Yes sir!"

I took out another speed potion and downed it. I then grabbed the extinguisher and unleashed Funnel of Frost. It didn't hurt Stan that much, but I knew it would slow him down. We would need that. I ran forward to try to smack him, but he was waiting for me and managed to block and strike me on the arm. He was still fast on his strikes, it seemed. Butters chugged a speed potion too before stepping towards the dog. He lifted his hammer, and used his lightening to strike the poor thing. The dog yelped as he cowered back, tail tucked between his legs. Butters tossed his hammer at the animal, causing him to whimper and run away.

"Oh no. No no no NO!" Stan shouted, now looking pissed. "Butters, you're so dead!"

"Oh geez…"

"Serves you right for bringing your dog into the middle of this shit," I told him harshly. "Everyone gets hurt in battle, dude."

"You have no right to lecture me when you're on Cartman's side!" Stan spat. "That fatass tricked you! We tried to warn you!"

Stan held up his sword and he ran towards Butters. He swung and struck multiple times, hitting Butters on his arms and legs. He failed to knock him down though. I could feel my blood start to boil as I clutched my wand tightly in my fist. I clicked the lighter trigger as I ran forward and smacked Stan in the head three times. As I stepped away I could see his head had caught fire. He yelled and flailed his arms as he tried to put it out.

I looked over at Butters to see him munching on some Cheesy Poofs. He tossed the bag onto the ground as he smirked at our opponent.

"Surrender and I will show you mercy."

Stan glared at him. "Never."

Butters shook his head. He raised his hammer into the air and struck the ranger with lightening. Stan seemed to be stunned, stuck where he stood. I used Dragonshout to shoot up into the air and slammed my wand onto his head, and Butters ran up and smacked him with his hammer. Stan seemed to get unstuck and charged at me. I was able to block two of his hits, but he struck me twice in the arm. I grabbed my Dust of Dreams and threw it into the eyes before punching him in the jaw.

"Ash, watch it!"

I leapt out of the way just as a hammer shot out and smashed Stan in his head. Stan attempted to straighten up and raise his sword, but he was starting to struggle to even stand. I knew that even if I gave him the option, he wouldn't back down. I needed to end this. I turned, bent over, and release a massive Dragonshout. Stan groaned as he crumpled to the floor, his sword falling beside him. He had been defeated.

"So much for the legendary Stan Marshwalker," Butters said as he picked up his hammer.

I placed my wand in my pocket as I stared at Stan's unconscious form. Seeing him bruised and bloodied on the ground, I couldn't help but feel bad. I really didn't want to fight him, just not for the reasons he claimed. I reached into my robes and pulled out a large health potion- a box of cookies- and placed it by his side. He'll need it when he wakes up.

"Commander…?" Butters muttered.

"We don't have much time. Let's go."

Butters didn't argue, but I could feel his eyes on me as we made our way down the hall. We went up a nearby set of stairs, and when we reached the top, I could see a group of elves being knocked to the floor. I could see Tolkien, Craig and Tweek standing in the center, their weapons drawn. It seemed as though they had just finished a fight of their own.

"There you are," Tolkien sounded relieved as he walked up to us, sword still in hand. "We were beginning to think Stan was too much for you."

"It'll take more than some elf ranger to take down our Commander," Craig stated simply as he sheathed his sword.

Tweek, who was gripping what looked like a homemade slingshot, was shaking and twitching where he stood. I walked forward and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Tweek, are you okay? You need another potion or something?"

"Ah! N-no! I'm good. We-we didn't get hit too bad."

Craig looked slightly concerned and took a step closer toward Tweek, putting a hand on his back. I patted Tweek on the shoulder before walking further into the hall, passing by other injured humans, and fallen elves. Butters was already handing out health potions to any conscious humans remaining. I turned and blinked when I noticed the goth kids were sitting in a huddle by some nearby lockers. I was honestly surprised to see they weren't smoking. They also seemed a little more roughed up than before; their outfits were disheveled, and they appeared to have scrapes on their face and arms. I didn't hesitate to walk up to them.

"Hey there, Frodo," said Michael, his voice more exhausted than usual.

"I wasn't sure if you guys would get this far," I said. "You look a little rough."

"Speak for yourself, hobbit," Pete said as he flipped his hair. "You're covered in bloody scratches."

"What, this? It's nothing."

"Hardcore," Firkle spoke in a breathy voice.

I reached into my robes and pulled out several sugar packets, passing one to each of them. Henrietta raised an eyebrow at me.

"Health potions. They're small, but surprisingly helpful."

They all collectively rolled their eyes but ate the packets anyway. They wouldn't admit it, but they looked healthier already. Butters suddenly marched over to us.

"E-everybody alright? Need any extra healing?"

Before any of them could respond, the speakers came to life once more.

"This is your last chance, Ash. He's nothing without you, you can walk away from this. You're seriously breaking my balls here!"

The Elf King had so little to say now. Was it because he had lost his patience? Or was it because we were getting closer to him, and our victory? Whatever it was, we were too close to finishing to stop here.

"What do we do, Commander?" Craig asked.

I turned to face the boys, all of whom were staring at me expectantly. My stomach started to twist, but I swallowed hard and ignored it. I turned to look at Butters.

"Butters, where's the 4th grade classroom?"

"Just down this hallway, Commander."

I nodded. "What are we waiting for, then?"

Butters grinned as he and the other humans nodded. I looked down at the goths, who all shrugged and slowly got to their feet. I smiled at them before turning and making my way down the hallway. As we did, any and all humans that could still stand began following behind us. I could hear Cartman somewhere behind me, demanding to be let through so he could lead the march. I felt braver than ever as I lead everyone towards the end of this battle, but worried that I was leading them towards the beginning of an even bigger war. But, as long as we had the Stick, that's all that mattered, right? Everything will be better once we have it.

We rounded the corner, and my eyes landed on a door with '4th grade classroom' printed on the glass. We had made it.

"This is it!" the Grand Wizard had finally made it to the front, shoving his way past me as he ran to the door. "We've made it men! The Jew Elf and the Stick are just behind this door."

"I can't wait to get my hands on that bastard!"

"Victory is ours!"

The Grand Wizard turned to face me. "You have the honor of leading the final assault, Commander! Lead us to victory!"

I tried not to let the worry show on my face as I smiled and nodded. I marched up to the door, grabbed the handle, and hesitated. Whatever happens here will determine how the rest of this war will go. I had to make sure we were victorious. If I could win the fight here and now, it would be another glorious accomplishment under my belt. One more reason for them to want me in their kingdom. One more reason to be less mad when I eventually reveal who I really am.

I opened the door.