Ch. 11
You Can't Handle the Truth

The Elf King was already in the room. Was he waiting for us? Did he not expect us to make it? I guess it didn't matter either way. The room was a wreck; many of the desks had been knocked over, books and papers scattered on the floor. Kyle had been crouched on the floor next to one of the fallen desks but quickly stood on his feet as we entered the room. He looked furious as he raised a large red and black hockey stick- that must be his staff.

Cartman pushed past me, pointing his staff towards the elf. "Back away from the desk, Jew King!" he demanded.

"The Stick doesn't belong with a fat, racist liar!" spat the Elf King, pointing right back at his enemy.

"Alright Kyle, you fucking asked for it," the Grand Wizard turned to face me. "Go ahead and kick his ass, Ash."

I blinked. "Ex-fucking-cuse me? Why do I need to fight him?"

"If you fight this dirty elf leader, it will bring us victory and solidify your role within our kingdom. You must defeat this bitch!"

I felt my brows crease as I glared at him. "What happened to you "conserving your energy for the final battle?""

"The abilities and magic of a Grand Wizard are fucking complicated, okay?!" he yelled. "Jesus Christ! Stop being a fucking pussy and fight him!"

The Elf King turned to look at me. "You see, Ash? Cartman is just using you to get what he needs, he's a manipulator! Even if you do defeat me, he'll just take all the credit for it."

"You're just jealous 'cause he picked me as a friend over you, Kyle!"

"S- He didn't pick you, you found him first and dragged him into your messy kingdom! You didn't give him a chance to choose!"

I felt my chest tighten as he spoke. I had almost forgotten that he and Stan were the only ones who knew my real gender. Thankfully, nobody seemed to pick up on his almost-slipup.

"He could've left at any time, bitch. Ash just knows which one of us is cooler!"

"If your definition of cool is being a fatass tyrant!"

I whipped around to see Stan standing in the doorway, still bruised but looking better than he had before, holding his sword out in front of them. The humans crowded around the door were glaring at him and rubbing their arms- he must have shoved passed them.

Stan took a few steps closer, standing between us two and the door. The other humans were looking between him and us, as though waiting for orders. The Elf King beat us to it.

"Don't attack yet, Stan," he stood his staff on the ground as he spoke, slightly calmer than before. "Ash still has a choice to make."

Stan glanced at his king before looking over at me. His expression was hard but seemed to soften slightly as his eyes met mine. Keeping his sword pointed at us, he slowly stepped around us until he stood in front of us, right next to his king. Kyle took a step forward, his eyes never leaving me.

"You've got one last chance, Ash. Do the right thing, fight Cartman instead."

I blinked at him in surprise. He expected me to just turn and attack the Wizard King? Why couldn't he do it? It would be treason, I'd never see my friends on this side again, unless it was on a battlefield. But… I still had no idea how angry they would be if they found out who I was. Would I be squandering my only chance at being a part of the game without hiding myself if I didn't fight them?

"Don't let him Jew-wash your brain, Commander," Cartman said quickly. "Remember, I brought you into the game, I made friends with you before anyone else would. You'd be lost without me."

I frowned. That wasn't true. Butters found me before anyone else; he became my friend before I was a part of the kingdom, before I was even a part of the game. I had grown to like the others of course, but the biggest reason I wouldn't allow myself to even consider the Elf King's offer was because I didn't want to betray him.

"He doesn't wanna play with cheaters!" Kyle said as he took a step towards Cartman.

"The elves are trying to cloud your mind, but you have to fight it," Cartman stepped towards Kyle. "Punch him right in his smug, little lying face."

"Attack him, now!"

"Make him shut up!"

"It's not me you should be fighting, it's him. Pick a side!"

"Kick his ass, Commander!"

"ENOUGH!"

I couldn't stan it anymore. My heart was pounding, and my ears were ringing, their back and forth arguing not giving me a chance to breathe. I grabbed each of them by the shoulders and shoved them away from each other. Kyle stumbled into the teacher's desk and had to grab it to stay on his feet, while Cartman tripped and fell onto his ass. Neither the humans nor elves moved or said a word, they just looked surprised. Both kings stared at me, mouths open and lost for words.

"Will both of you shut up!" I snapped. "I'm sick and tired of this arguing. I've been busting my ass for the last two days, and you morons expect me to just pick which one to do the dirty work for?! Fuck that! You two started this fight, you two can be the ones to finish it."

The two boys gapped at me, glancing at each other then back at me. Neither moved to grab their weapons or even stand up properly. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, feeling my anger drop lower and lower.

"Okay. If you guys don't wanna duke it out, fine. We'll make this simple. I'm gonna check both of your desks and see which one of you has it. We can figure out who actually cheated and go from there."

"If you touch my desk it'll be considered treason!" Cartman snapped angrily.

I glared at him. "Take a pill, my king. If you have nothing to hide, you shouldn't be worried," I turned to Kyle. "You're a bit more reasonable, right? Where's your desk?"

The king blinked, still leaning on the desk for support. His face appeared to be a bit red, but I figured it was because of the low setting sun glowing through the nearby window. He glanced down at the floor as he pointed somewhere behind me.

"That one, right there…"

I turned to look at the fallen desk- the same one the king had been crouched by earlier. Suspicious… I marched towards it without hesitation, ready to search and find out if this boy had truly cheated all along. I kneeled beside it to get a closer look, my arm reaching towards it-

I felt myself freeze before I even registered what I was looking at.

"Butters," my voice clipped as I spoke. "Where exactly did the message say the Stick was hidden?"

"Uh… i-in the Elf King's desk, Commander."

"Really?" I stood up and whipped around. "That's funny, because these desks don't have insides."

You could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed my words. Five solid seconds of pure silence.

"What?" Cartman asked, sounding surprisingly shocked.

"These are tabletops, you jackass!" I yelled. "How could you forget? Isn't this your classroom? How could you not know?"

"But- But Twitter said that-!"

"Hey Ash, look over here."

My head snapped at Henrietta's voice. She was kneeling beside another fallen desk, apparently looking at its surface.

"What is it?" I asked as I walked over to her.

"This desk has writing on it."

I crouched down to look at the desk. Sure enough, a message had been messily carved into the dirty surface.

"Check my locker," I read aloud. I stared at it for a moment before standing up and turning to face the room. "Who's desk is this?"

"That's…" Kyle swallowed then continued, "That's Clyde's desk…"

Now it was my turn to be shocked. Clyde… That was the boy I had defeated in training when I first joined Kuppa Keep. The one who had been banished after he lost the Stick the first time. Was it possible he had the Stick? He definitely had motive. Still, I had to be sure.

"We need to find his locker."

"I know where it is!" said Stan.

He quickly sheathed his sword as he made his way to the door, and I followed right behind him. Kyle quickly made his way over as Cartman scrambled to his feet. Soon, every boy from both sides started marching behind us. They weren't even shoving or cursing at each other, too distracted by this turn of events.

We only made it a few feet down the hallway when Stan stopped. He reached for one of the top lockers on his left and opened it. Honestly, I was surprised to see it was unlocked. He reached inside for a moment before pulling out a laptop.

Stan stood beside Kyle, Cartman and I in the middle of the hallway, surrounded by the humans and elves of both kingdoms. He opened the laptop, which immediately turned on and started to play a video. Clyde appeared on screen, dressed in red and black armor with gray shoulder pads. His hand was raised for the camera to see, and in it's grasp was the Stick of Truth.

"Greetings humans and drow elves of Zarron…"

"Clyde…"

"He took the Stick!"

"While you've all been busy fighting amongst yourselves, I've built a kingdom beyond your comprehension. I prayed for a way to destroy you all, and the solution came crashing down from the heavens!"

Clyde moved to the side to reveal a huge barrel, and beside it was a clearly dead and decaying cat. The barrel had a yellow toxic sticker, and the liquid inside appeared to be green and glowing.

"Shit, it's that alien goo," I groaned. "How the fuck did he get his hands on it?"

"The crash site was pretty disorganized once the virus started to spread," Butters piped up. "He-he might've snuck some out through there."

I thought it over. It was certainly possible, but how did he even know about it?

"With what I have found, I shall raise an army of the dead."

Clyde opened a nozzle on the barrel and filled a large soup ladle full of the green ooze. He slowly poured it onto the poor cat's corpse. After a few seconds the cat started to stir, meowing painfully as its limbs started to twitch, it's fur somehow turning grayer. A moment later the cat jumped to its feet, somehow hissing in German. Clyde smirked as he raised the Stick and gestured for the cat to walk away, which it did. Clyde turned back to the camera, placing on his head a large three-pointed crown with a skull in the center of it. I had to admit, it was a cool villain costume.

"I shall raise an entire army of darkness and kill the earth!"

"Clyde… But why?" Stan asked aloud.

"I banished him to be lost in space and time, and now he's all pissed off," Cartman said simply.

"So, you see, fools, I control the Stick, and the future of the earth-"

"Clyde, do you want a sandwich?" an older male voice called in the background.

"Not now, dad. I'm making a ruler of darkness video," Clyde cleared his throat before continuing his evil monologue. "Whoever controls the Stick controls the universe, and my first deed is that I herby denounce the Human and the Elf Kingdoms, and strip both kings of all their powers! AH HAHAHA!"

"What?!" Kyle asked.

"Motherfucker!" Cartman snapped.

I sighed. "Well, can't say he doesn't know what he's doing."

Stan held up his hand. "Wait, it's not over…"

"Oh, I have one more surprise for you all. One concerning your newest Mage…"

I raised an eyebrow. What could this guy possibly have against me? All I did was beat him in one fight.

"You must think you're really something special, huh? The Grand Wizard claims you are the one the prophecy foretold about. I call bullshit. You were nothing more than a tool used for convenience. That bastard always hated me and was dying for an excuse to kick me out, and then you came along. Fresh off the street and not at all powerful- perfect candidate to replace me."

"He's angry I beat him in training," I said, deadpanned. "It's not my fault he lost the Stick."

"Everyone's a critic, Commander. You'll have to get used to it," said Cartman.

"You didn't even have the guts to defend me, and everyone acts like you're so good and merciful. But I know better. In fact, I now know a lot of things about you, Ash," Clyde suddenly grinned. "You've been keeping secrets from everyone, haven't you? Or rather, one really big secret…"

I could almost feel the color draining from my face. There was only one secret that I had been keeping since day one. But no, that's not possible. There's no way he could've known. How could he? The only kids that knew were Stan, Kyle and the goths? Could any of them have told?

I couldn't bring myself to look at the crowd, and my eyes landed on the three boys standing next to me. Stan and Kyle were clearly trying to play it cool, but I could tell that they had gone stiff. They must have come to the same conclusion I did. Cartman was frowning at me, looking confused.

"Ash, what's he talking about?" he asked cautiously.

I shook my head. "I-I don't… I don't know!"

"I had to track you for quite some time, trying to find the right time to strike. You've proven yourself to be strong, so I knew I'd have to find another way to take you down."

I felt my hands clench into fists. Clyde had been following me? If that was true, that must have been who he discovered the ooze. I practically led him right to it.

"Finally, I found the answer…" Clyde's face split into a wicked grin. "I think it's about time to expose you for who you really are."

Before anyone could respond, the video started to glitch before it cut to an image of an outdoor fence. The camera shook as it raised up slightly, now facing the red wall of a house. A voice yelled as the camera toppled over the fence and landed in the snow. After a few seconds it rose up again and zoomed in on a window that seemed to be cracked open slightly. I recognized the carpet floor that was still littered with boxes. It was my living room.

"No fucking way…"

I could feel the others looking at me, but I refused to look back, my eyes glued to the screen. The camera got closer until it could see the dining table my parents had set up on the far side of the living room. My father was already sitting in his chair while mom placed bowls of spaghetti around the table.

"Did you see how happy she was when she came home today?" mom asked. "She's already made so many friends. I was so worried she wouldn't be able to adjust."

"She hasn't started school yet though," said dad. "Could be a totally different story. She can't afford to draw too much attention, less friends would be best."

"Don't be negative, Chris. Our daughter deserves to be happy as well as safe, we just can't let it get out of control," Mom turned to face the stairs in the background. "Ashley, dinner's ready."

"I'm coming!"

Footsteps could be heard in the background. After a few seconds a figure could be seen running down the stairs. I saw myself run over to the table and slide into the chair at the end, wearing nothing but my purple skull shirt and pants. My hair was on full display for everyone to see. The me on screen picked up my fork and started to eat.

"Thanks mom!"

At long last, the screen went black.

I wasn't sure at first if it was quiet or if the pounding in my head was blocking out all sound. I swallowed hard and forced myself to turn my head away from the screen to look at the three boys next to me. Stan and Kyle looked shocked and concerned, and Cartman was staring at me, his brows furrowed and mouth hanging open. I slowly turned to look at all the boys standing around us. The elves looked confused; the humans looked stunned. Princess Kenny had both hands raised up to cover her mouth, as though she had just gasped. Butters stared at me with an unreadable expression, his chest rising and falling slightly.

"What the FUCK?!"

I whipped around at Cartman's voice. "Dude, I can explain-"

"You've got five seconds to tell me that's not you," he snapped, jabbing me hard in the chest. "Tell me it's not fucking true!"

I held up my hands as Cartman glared daggers at me, his face starting to turn red. I tried to think of something, anything to defend myself. This wasn't how I wanted this to happen. I wanted to tell them myself when I was ready, when I thought they could handle it. But maybe they couldn't handle it. Maybe Clyde knew they would never accept it, and that's why he did this. He thought I was responsible for getting him kicked out, now he's done what he could to get me kicked out.

I sighed, seeing no way out of this. I took off my headband with one hand and grasped my beanie with the other, stopping for just another moment. I slowly pulled it off, and I felt my soft hair fall around my face. Several boys gasped and took a step back. I could hear them whispering to each other, but I wasn't paying attention. Cartman was shaking now.

"Cartman-"

"You lying snake!" he screamed, pointing a finger at me. "You- you deceived me! You deceived us all!"

"I didn't mean to at first, you just-"

"I let you into my sickass kingdom and this is what I get?! I let you see the Stick, I made you a Commander, I-" he spluttered and shook his head. "You tricked me into showing you the most sacred arts of magic! You don't deserve to know Dragon Shout!"

"You're the one who assumed I was a boy in the first place," I yelled back. "It's not my fault you can't handle playing with girls!"

"You could've told us at any time!"

"You would've kicked me out if I had!"

"YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I WOULD'VE!"

"Dude, calm down," Kyle stepped forward cautiously. "You don't have to-"

"Stay out of this, jew!" Cartman snapped at him before turning back to me. "What other lies have you been telling us? Were you spying for the elves? Starting your own faction to take us down? Spill it, bitch!"

"I haven't told any other lies!" I bellowed. "I've done nothing but loyal to you and the others this whole time!"

"You expect any of us to believe that?!"

I couldn't believe this was happening. After everything I had done for my team, not only was Cartman still furious with me, but no one was coming to my defense. I didn't expect anything from the elves, but I thought at least one of the humans would defend me. Instead, they all avoided my eyes, suddenly interested in their own shoes. I broke my heart a little, but I guess I should have seen this coming. Of course, this would happen, even if I had done so much good for the kingdom.

"I never meant for things to go this far," my voice was softer than I intended, but I couldn't help it. "I was gonna tell you, I swear."

"As if that would've changed anything!"

Cartman glared as he took a step closer to me. He straightened his hat before gripping his staff in both hands.

"Ash, you have lied and deceived I and all other beings of Zarron. You are a filthy temptress who can no longer be trusted and must be punished."

"Cartman, don't!" Kyle pleaded.

Cartman ignored him and raised his staff in the air. "You will plague our lands no longer, wench! I hereby banish thee from space and-"

"NO!"

I blinked as someone shouted and jumped in front of me. It was Butters. He stood between me and Cartman, his arms held out, shielding me from harm. I heard Kenny gasp in shock from somewhere behind me. Everyone seemed shocked, none more so than Cartman. His staff faltered slightly as he stared at his paladin.

"Butters, I know you've spent a lot of time with the Mage, but now is not the time to be noble. Now move out of the way."

Butters took a step back, now standing closer to me. "I… I can't do that, Eric."

"This witch has clouded your mind, Butters. You must resist her charms!"

"You can't just banish her."

"Yes, I fucking can! It happened to Clyde and it's gonna happen to her," Cartman raised his staff up again. "Now move… or suffer the same fate."

"Don't you fucking dare!" I snapped as I took a step towards him, but Butters raised an arm to stop me.

"You can't banish our paladin," Tolkin piped up. "He's our best healer, we'd be screwed without him."

"I'm the king, I can do whatever the hell I want!"

"You'd be dooming the rest of your kingdom if you did, fatass," said Stan.

"My kingdom doesn't concern you, asshole elf!"

"SHUT UP!"

I flinched as Butters yelled. I hadn't expected him to raise his voice like that, and by the looks of it nobody else did either. Everyone jumped slightly as the usually quiet, passive paladin shouted. Even Cartman looked shaken. Butters took a few deep breaths before his was calm again.

"Uh, s-sorry…" he muttered. "Look, fellas. It's not Ash's fault that Clyde got kicked out. He was careless and lost the Stick himself, plain and simple. But you know who stepped up to help us out? Ash. Who gathered our warriors and broke Craig out of jail? She did! Who fought the Bard and got us the Stick again? She did! Who worked their ass off to recruit the goths? She did! Ash has done nothin' but help us since she's arrived."

"Ack! He- sh-she has helped us out a lot…" Tweek muttered.

"But she lied to us…" Craig said simply.

Buttered frowned at him. "We didn't give her much of a choice."

Cartman shook his head. "I can't just let this go, Butters. This witch must pay."

"Can't you give her a chance?" Butters pleaded. "Let her prove herself. Please, Eric!"

Cartman stared at him for a moment, not moving from his spot, staff still raised. He glanced at everyone around him before grumbling angrily, lowering his staff. He brought a hand to his chin as he muttered inaudibly to himself. After a few seconds he stopped, a shit-eating grin growing on his face.

"Alright then... how about this," he took a few steps towards me. Butters stood close to me, still holding his arms up. "You want to stay in the game so bad? Fine, I'll give you a chance. One final challenge."

I frowned at him. "What do you want?"

"It is curious that you chose the Mage class, Ash. While they aren't as cool as Wizards, they can be powerful. I say it's about time we see how powerful you are. We all shall meet at Starks Pond tomorrow before sunset, where you and I will fight to the death, or until one of us yields. We'll see how strong your magic has become."

"What happens if I win?"

"You will be deemed worthy of reentering the game and will continue to serve as Commander, and you won't have to pretend to be a boy anymore," Cartman smirked. "But that won't happen."

I glared at him. "And if I lose?"

Cartman started to chuckle evilly. "If you lose the fight- which you fucking will- you will be banished from the Kingdom of Kupa Keep, and will forever be known as Douchebag the Mage, an absolute bitch to the very end. Seems fitting, doesn't it?"

"Oh my god…" Kyle groaned. "Ash, you don't have to do this. He's just trying to humiliate you."

"She'll only be humiliated if she loses, which she will," Cartman turned back to me. "What do you say… Ashley?"

Man, this guy was doing everything he could to be a prick. Well, I wasn't going to let him off easy. If it's a fight he wants, it's a fight he'll get. I placed a hand on Butters arm and pushed it down gently. He glanced over at me, and I gave him a small nod. He lowered his arms and stepped to the side, allowing me to step towards the 'Grand Wizard'.

"That's how you wanna do this?"

"That's how we must do this."

I clenched my fists. "Alright… game on, motherfucker."

Cartman pointed a finger in my face. "You're going down, bitch."

There were a few seconds of silence as he and I glared at each other, neither of us willing to look away. Suddenly, somebody's phone went off. I glanced over to see Stan pulling out his phone.

"Oh no, no! Shit!"

"What's wrong?" Kyle asked.

"My mom texted me. She says it's past my bedtime and I need to come home right now!"

Cartman's face fell. "Oh shit, is it past our bedtime?"

As if on cue, several more phones started to go off in the crowd of boys around us. Several of them started to yell and cry in fear. I couldn't blame them. I had never been out on my own this late, and my parents were probably worried by this point.

"Dude, I'm gonna get it!"

"We have to go!"

"Run! Everyone run!"

All at once, everybody started running down the halls, flooding the area until it was far too crowded. I tried shoving past everyone, but they just shoved me harder. Suddenly, someone grabbed my wrist and started pulling me forward. It only took me a second to realize it was Butters. He didn't say anything as he continued to help me move through the crowd.

It wasn't until we reached the front doors that the crowd of kids started to dissipate. Butters held onto me tightly as we began running down the sidewalk, speeding passed other kids. I wasn't even bothered by the fact that he was holding my hand, my mind far too distracted.

"Butters…"

"We're almost there, don't worry."

"Butters, wait-"

"There's no time! We're already late-"

"I don't care! Stop!"

I stopped running and yanked my arm away from him. Butters skidded to a halt and turned to face me, panting slightly from running.

"Ash, wh-what-"

"I'm sorry," I blurted out. "I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you. I'm sorry I wasn't honest with everyone, but- but especially you. I didn't mean to pass off as a boy at first, but I realized it was the only reason you wanted me to play with you. I really wanted to play, and I was having so much fun and- and I didn't want it to end. I-I just…"

I was rambling but I couldn't stop myself. My throat started to feel tight, and my eyes started to burn. I turned away from Butters. Don't you dare fucking cry, I screamed at myself. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to face Butters, who had a sad, concerned expression on his face.

"Oh Ash, i-it's okay, I get it. I know how Cartman can be."

"I should've trusted you," I told him softly. "I should've just told you."

"Aw, it wouldn't have changed nothin'."

"You don't know that."

"Yeah I do, 'cause I-"

He stopped, his face starting to go red. I frowned.

"What is it?"

Butters fiddled with his hands. "W-well, I… I kind of… oh geez…"

My eyes widened as I suddenly realized. "Butters… did you already know?"

Butters remained silent as his face turned scarlet.

"Ashley Avery!"

My whole body flinched as I heard my middle name being shouted. I slowly turned around to see both of my parents making their way towards me. Mom looked worried, while dad looked furious. Damn, we were only a few feet away from our houses, too.

"Where have you been?" dad demanded. "We've been worried sick! Do you have any idea how late it is?"

"Dad I'm sorry, I was just-"

"No excuses, young lady! Our one rule was to be back before it gets dark, it isn't safe for you out here."

"I didn't mean to!"

"What's that?" dad gestured to my face. "Is that a bruise? Have you been fighting?"

"Uh- sh-she hasn't been fighting, sir," Butters said in a shivery voice. "J-just roleplaying. It's just a part of our game, see? Human vs Elves, a-and…"

"Have you stupid boys been hurting my daughter?"

Butters flinched and stuttered under his breath. I clenched my jaw and lowered my head to look at my feet. I didn't make my parents angry too often, but when I did it was always bad. Mom put a hand on dad's shoulder, and he seemed to calm down slightly. She looked down at Butters.

"You better get home to your parents, young man," she said in a firm voice. "Come on Ashley, let's go home."

"Yes, ma'am…"

I glanced over at Butters before walking towards my parents. Dad put a firm hand on my shoulder and lead me back towards the house.

"Your dad and I are just worried about you, hon. We're in a new place with new people, and we don't want you getting hurt."

I tossed my headband and beanie onto my side table. "It's not like I was alone."

Mom rolled her eyes as she handed me a small icepack. I took it and placed it on the bruise that sat under my right eye. I don't know why, but it wasn't until dad brought it up that I realized how sore I was. My face wasn't the only thing bruised, but dad didn't need to know that.

"Being with a bunch of kids isn't the same as being with a responsible adult, Ashley."

I had to stop myself from snorting at that. If my parents where this upset about me coming home late, the last thing they needed was to know that I had actually fought a few adults already and came out on top.

"Can I still play with my friends tomorrow?"

Mom sighed. "I don't know, hon… I don't like that they're so rough with you."

"I can handle it. The others usually look worse than I do anyway."

"That doesn't make me feel any better, sweetie."

"Mom, please!"

She groaned. "Your dad and I will talk about it. Just get some sleep for now, okay?"

I rolled my eyes. "Okay."

Mom walked over and gave me a gentle hug, kissing my forehead. She smiled at me before finally leaving the room. The second the door shut I placed the icepack on the desk and took off my bathrobe. It had gotten dirtier today than it had yesterday. The skirt and sleeves were damp with dirt on them, and there was what looked like blood on the collar. When did that even happen? I sighed as I tossed it on the floor.

I turned to look at the full body mirror and did a doubletake. My arms and shins were covered in scratches and bruises, and both of my knees were red. I glanced down at my hands; my palms were red and raw, and my knuckles were covered in tiny scabs. I let out a shaky sigh. How did I not notice these before? Was I so focused on the game that I didn't notice I was hurt? The silver 'mage ring' glinted up at me, almost mockingly. I fiddled the ring between my fingers, contemplating taking off before quickly changing my mind.

I turned away from my mirror to grab my Ninja Turtle pajamas from my dresser. I had almost forgotten that one of the sleeves had a hole burned into it. Stupid aliens, stupid goo, stupid Cartman. Stupid fucking everything!

I stomped over to my desk and yanked open the drawer, pulling out a pair of scissors. I brought the blades just above the burned hole and chopped the rest of the sleeve off. I didn't hesitate to do it to the other sleeve, they needed to match. I held up the shirt to examine it. As angry as I had been at the ruined sleeve, I actually liked how it looked with shorter sleeves.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I took it out and saw I had a message- it was from Butters.

Are you okay?

I sighed as I typed.

I'm fine. Dad was pretty mad.

Are you gonna go to the fight?

I groaned. I had momentarily forgotten about Cartman's challenge. Of course, I wanted to do it, I didn't want that guy to have the last laugh, and I certainly didn't want to be known as 'Douchebag' by the boys in my grade. But, neither mom nor dad seemed keen on me playing anymore, and I wasn't sure if I was even grounded yet.

If I don't I'll lose by default. I don't know how I'm gonna make it though.

Are you grounded?

Maybe? Mom said we would talk about it in the morning.

Butters didn't respond for a moment. I placed my phone down and started to pull off my shirt. No matter what I do tomorrow, I couldn't do it without some sleep. I had just put on my pajama shirt when my phone rang again. Butters had responded.

Don't worry, Commander, I'll make sure you'll make it. I'll get some help. Just be ready by 5:30.

Why?

Just be ready.

I frowned at my screen. What was Butters talking about? Was he planning to break me out? I didn't want him getting in trouble with his parents, or even my parents. I actually wanted him to be able to visit sometimes once all of this was over. But… if he could get me out, I would be able to make it to the fight, and I could rub my victory in that sexist wizard's face.

Ok.

Once I was changed, I shut off the lights and hopped into bed. I opened up the alarm clock on my phone and set an alarm for 3am. I figured that would give me enough time to get dressed and sneak out so that I could be at Starks Pond in time. I hadn't been there before, but if Butters was helping me bust out then I shouldn't be worried.

I was having trouble falling asleep, my mind buzzing with everything that had happened. Last night I had gone to bed feeling good about where this game was going, happily planning how to confess to the others. Now, I was preparing for a fight that would determine my stance with all the boys in my grade. I had a feeling if I lost, I wouldn't only be called 'Douchebag' during the game. I could only imagine what creative names they would have for me.

I forced my eyes to close and took deep breaths. I needed to get sleep tonight, I couldn't afford to pass out when I faced Cartman. Just…count sheep. That works, right?

1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3 sheep, 4 sheep…

11 sheep, 12 sheep, 13 sheep…

But my counting was interrupted as I heard voices. At first, I thought it was just my parents, but as it got louder, I realized it wasn't. These voices were loud but high pitched, and they were singing.

"Gotta go to work, work all night, search for underpants, hey!"

My eyes snapped as I realized the voices were close, too close. I sat up and looked around my room, seeing nothing at first.

"We won't stop 'til we have underpants, yum-tum yummy tum, tay!"

I leaned over the bed to see four very tiny men dressed as gnomes scurrying around my dresser. I was too shocked to speak at first. Aliens was one thing, but this was a very weird development. They all stacked on top of each other, and the top one reaching inside my underwear drawer. After a moment he pulled out a pair of purple and blue striped boy shorts.

"Time to go to work, work all night, search for underpants, hey!"

Not sure what else to do, I cleared my throat loudly. The gnomes were startled, falling apart and scattering, my boy shorts falling into a clump on the floor. The first one to recover looked at me and shrieked.

"Oh shit, she's awake!"

"What?"

"This kid is awake! What the fuck do we do?"

"Oh fuck… I guess we gotta kill 'er."

I groaned as I leaned my head into my hand. I did not have time for this shit.

"Look, I'm really not in the mood to fight, okay?"

"We're not leaving empty handed!" one of them shouted at me.

"And you need… underpants?"

"Yes!"

I sighed. "Fine."

I stood up from my bed, causing all four of them to jump. Holding my hands up to show I wasn't a threat, I slowly made my way over to my dresser. First, I picked up the boyshorts they had dropped and folded them up.

"You can't take these, they're new and they're comfy."

I placed them back in the drawer before rummaging through the rest of it. I dug for a moment before pulling out a pair of Terrance and Philip undies. While I did like these, they were a few years old and had started to grown tight, and I hadn't worn them in a while.

"Here, you can have these," I said, tossing the pair towards the gnomes. "I was gonna toss them out anyway."

The gnomes all looked at each other, clearly confused.

"You're taking this surprisingly well," one of them piped up.

"I've had too much shit happen in the last few days to be bothered by this," I told him. "Just take them and go."

After a few moments one of the gnomes gathered the courage to run forward and grabbed the undies. As he started to fold them up, another came forward.

"It's rare for someone to give their underpants willingly. Please accept a gift from us in return."

I raised an eyebrow. "Okay…?"

"Hey Warlock, get out here!"

A fifth gnome crawled out from under my bed. Unlike his friends, he was dressed in furs and had what looked like a small bird skull on his head. He hesitated for a moment before walking forward to stand in front of me.

"What is it?"

"She gave us underpants willingly. Give 'er the you-know-what."

The Warlock thought about it for a moment. "Ah… okay. C'mere, kid."

Curious, I kneeled down in front of the little gnomes. The Warlock reached behind him and pulled out a tiny drawstring bag. He held it up to me, and I picked it up with my fingers as carefully as I could. As soon as it did it suddenly expanded until it was as big as my palm.

"Um… what is it?"

"It's a magic powder that changes your size," said Warlock. "You can grow small or big whenever you want."

While I wasn't expecting this, I wasn't going to discard it. Being able to change my size seemed like it could come in handy at some point. I stood up and placed it on my dresser.

"Um, thank you."

"No, thank you! You have no idea what this means for us!"

"Why do you want underwear anyway?"

"We wanted to collect underpants to stop the Taco Bell from releasing its toxic green goo into our underground world."

I raised an eyebrow. "How do underpants help?"

"Don't ask questions you don't want answers to, kid."

I rolled my eyes. "Alright, fine. Could you leave now? I have a lot to do tomorrow and I need sleep."

"Yeah, we got what we came for," the Warlock turned to his fellow gnomes. "Let's move, fellas!"

The gnomes nodded and followed the warlock out of the room, one carefully holding the pair of underwear I had given. I watched them until they left before letting out a strained sigh. I really needed to sleep.

I shuffled over to my bed and fell face first into the pillow, resuming my previous sheep counting.