DISCLAIMER:
I do NOT own any of the character ideas used in the following fan fiction. It is just an original story idea using the characters of the Manga/Anime.
My OC's are Sinha and Kaya.
No warnings for this chapter, just turmoil. :p
-KKB
Rins voice wafts through the air- as Kagome finally feels the last remnants of sleep leave her eyes.
Feeling the presence of the day- Kagome quietly sits up and looks around.
Did….was it a dream...did we…. Is he…..
Memories of hours before played in her head. Her heart began to race and she desperately tried to keep her mind clear, physically shaking the thoughts from her mind. She stood and realized she had never removed her top layer kimono.
Thankful she would not have to dress again- she grabbed her bow and arrow before lightly stepping out to join the others.
"Good Afternoon Kagome!" Rin greeted her excitedly.
"You must have been tired! Oh! You've got your bow- are you heading out so quickly? Do you need any help?"
Her continuous questions were met with silence as Kagome's mouth didn't have the strength to form words.
Come on Kagome- you can do it, we just need some time to ourselves. Just say something.
She had never missed the privacy of her old room more than now.
She gulped and smiled largely at Rin.
"Ah yes- super tired haha- um I am actually just going to the sacred tree- I want to check on something. I've got my bow and Inuyasha is somewhere so he will more than likely follow. So no need to change your plans for me haha."
Kaede glanced over at her- a curious gaze hidden from Rin.
She quickly excused herself and turned towards the door.
"Kagome…" Kaede's voice rang out.
She paused just outside the door as she heard Kaede rise. A bit of shuffling and Kaede was joining her outside.
"Do you mind if I walk with ye for a moment?" she asked.
Kagome nodded an approval and the pair began to walk.
Shortly into their walk Kaede spoke.
"Inuyasha is not here. So I wonder why he did not tell ye of his departure."
Her words startling Kagome.
Of course she knows he is not here! She's probably been all over this morning- she knows he left the village…
Her steps remained steady as Kaede continued.
"I assume ye knew he was gone, and if that is the case, I am unsure of why ye are going off on your own. I only hope ye are careful, and return to us if you feel any trouble arise."
She turned to look at Kagome. Suddenly Kagome could really see that Kaede was older- and with that age came knowledge of many things.
She nodded.
"I will." she whispered. Energy leaving her at the realization she didn't have to hide this from Kaede.
One less person to pretend for…
Kaede bowed and turned to leave.
Turning away- she continued to walk. East- away from the direction she knew he went. Needing to be further away from things. Needing to distance herself.
She did her best to keep her mind clear as she walked. Dense woods weaving a path before her. Opening up to a small swimming hole fed by a waterfall.
Knowing this area well enough- the group frequented here a lot to enjoy the hot springs up near the base of the falls.
She walked to the edge of the stream- placing her bow down before taking a seat. As she bent forward, she noticed her reflection in the steady water.
Her face seemed normal, she peered longer- searching for any sign of change, anything to show the significance of what she was going through.
Turning her face, she couldn't find a single thing to represent her turmoil.
Is that normal? Is it really that normal?
Turning her attention to her surroundings, her memories flooded with previous adventures to the springs- Shippo bathing with her and Sango- while Miroku and Inuyasha kept watch. Protecting them.
Now he protects her I guess. Her temperament thoughts hammer at her.
Shards of pain rear up as she clenches out of surprise- a spurt of sound flying from her mouth.
What the hell.. what is this…. Is this a heart attack?
Her brain tries to make sense of the sudden pain rocking her skin.
Shivering she pauses- hearing his voice in her head..
"I'm going to be honest with you"
She closed her eyes to block out the invading thoughts.
No- I don't want to think about this!
Her mind pulled a deep memory. From the beginning...
"I want you to be happy. I want you to laugh a lot. I don't know what exactly I'll be able to do for you, but I'll always be by your side."
Tears stung- threatening to break at the memory of her initial promise to him as the most recent flashed to fill its place.
"Sometimes- where we think we will end up- isn't where we end up. It's okay."
Why! Why am I torturing myself with this!
So much had changed between the two moments she shared with Inuyasha.
The first- was the beginning of their relationship- a relationship that formed into an bond believed to be unbreakable… Facing troubles of time travel- his demon nature- an ex lover- and of course… Naraku.
The second….the second….just had her counting every second. Feeling a deep cut to her heart, a betrayal, anger, sadness, hurt, jealousy...hurt….
She bowed her head and let herself cry. Going over their conversation from the night before...over…. and over….
"I have to only want you…."
How….
How can she have spent the time away- missing him and her friends so much- thinking of them every day- wishing for a second chance to come back- to spend her days with him.
THEM… not just him…. She corrected herself.
"I am here because I chose to come back for everyone I love." she grit out to herself.
Sitting back she peered at the scenery before her.
"I have to only want you….but"
But….
But….but….BUT…. "But you are not good enough Kagome" she spoke to herself.
"You want to be HONEST Inuyasha!" she screamed.
" You have to only want me- the same way I only wanted YOU!" she stood up as her anger built up inside her.
"I was never enough! I am not good enough! I was never enough when you chose Kikyo!"
Guilt briefly washed over her as she thought back to the departed priestess. It was quickly washed away with the anger coursing through her.
"How could you! How could you think of someone else, give yourself to someone else, WHAT did she have that I don't!"
Everything she should have said before spilling out as her angry tears fell down her face.
"But you get to be happy now- because I still care about you! I LET YOU! I let you-" her voice clipped as a sob broke from her chest.
I let you go- I made it possible for you to be happy! I chose for you…. I chose….to hurt...I chose this! It's my fault… my fault for being a good…. Friend.
The word struck clarity into the moment.
She wrapped arms around herself as the sun warmed her back. Her mind falling silent.
A numbing sense of clarity washing through her.
Yes, I chose this. I shouldn't put the burden on anyone but myself…. I chose….like he never did.
Thinking back on their tumultuous relationship….
He never chose me- never committed.
Never openly chose me...the signs were there...with Kikyo...the Jewel...he even wanted to be full demon after I shared my feelings for him.
Her anger briefly fell on Kikyo and the jewel.
If that damned jewel had never...NO.
Stop- she shook her head.
If the jewel never happened, if Naraku never happened, I wouldn't have had this adventure at all- I would never have Sango- Shippo- powers, a purpose…
She felt gross- physically and emotionally. Full of salty tears- Full of the ugly emotions running through her, voice hoarse from yelling….
What am I going to do now… she thought to herself.
Her arms fell limply to her side, her kimono crumpled and dirty.
I can't go back looking like this….she turned towards the hot springs ahead.
Walking the few yards to the base of the rocky structures, she closed her eyes- opening up herself to feel for demonic aura- human aura- any in the area. Before disrobing to clean herself.
Her heart skipped a beat as she realized she wasn't alone. A powerful demon was nearby.
She shuddered- realizing she was alone- and they were not far at all. Probably within hearing range for a demon.
Which means they had heard her outburst.
A frown crossed her brows as her heart beat increased.
Weighing the options before her, she decided it would be safe enough to indulge. She was far past the point of caring about it too much and she really REALLY hated feeling gross.
Another thing I miss from the future... more like another thing I gave up fo-
She cut off her train of though- physically shaking the negative thoughts from her body.
Stripping her top layer Kimono- leaving the thin white cloth to bath in per which was the norm for this era, she tied up her hair and stepped into the hot spring.
Her muscles instantly relaxed, her tense body melting in the warm waters.
Ahhh this is the best! she happily thought. Surprised at how quickly a bath could change her mood.
"Oh Kagome...what are we gonna do?" she spoke to herself.
As time passed she watched the sun creep towards the west as the day wore on. Watching nature in it's natural setting- birds and deer and smaller animals making their way around- searching for food or water. For a while she was at peace. Not thinking about anything in particular. Well nothing related to her current situation.
She thought about her mother, and how much she needed her advice. Thought about her brother Souta and his happy smile. To shippo and the twins.
And then, she started thinking about her future.
Will I ever have a family of my own? the thought struck at her heart, bringing back the hurt and something...new.
Fear.
Fear of the future that was now an unknown to her.
Before- she knew her place would be with Inuyasha..but now... what did her future hold? What path would she take?
I can always use my miko powers to make a living, but... would there be anyone else who would be interested in me?
Her face contorted at the thought of any human male here in the feudal era being interested in her. None of them could compare to the strength and loyalty of Inuyasha.
HA! WHAT LOYALTY! her snarky thoughts beat through.
If that is what you consider loyal, then girl- you need to raise your standards...
She sighed.
"Well, I need to get out. Gotta let the sun do the drying I guess."
Ah you didn't even bring a towel huh...
She stood and removed herself from the warm waters- which hadn't changed in temperature at all since she got in. Somehow the warm afternoon air felt cool to her now.
Stretching her muscles she closed her eyes, feeling for that aura again.
There is was. The same distance away- unmoving. Though- the more she concentrated on it- a hint of familiarity pricked the back of her mind.
Shrugging her shoulders she laid back in the grass. Content that there was only one demon nearby.
Instinctively she drew her bow and arrow close to her and laid back- closing her eyes to the sharp rays of the sun.
The cool air beginning to warm up as her body adjusted- the sun beginning to dry her thin robe.
She continued to fight her bitter thoughts for happy ones, as her body warmed up under the sun.
A soft buzz filling the afternoon air... her thoughts going quiet as she zoned out.
Suddenly- she opened her eyes to cooling air, as the moon was rising.
SHIT!
Her single thought encompassed her blurry surroundings. Doing her best to clear her eyes of sleep she chided herself for falling asleep without anyone nearby to watch out for her.
THIS is NOT Tokyo! You are gonna get yourself killed! she berated herself.
She dressed quickly- relieved at the added warmth her priestess robes.
Grabbing her bow and arrow she paused- and calmed herself, opening up to her surroundings- to make sure all was well.
Wait...still?!
She couldn't believe what she was feeling.
The same energy from before, the same distance away. Close...
"HEY! I know you're out there! Why have you been watching me so long you pervert!" she called into the trees, docking an arrow into her bow. She prepared to fire.
Straining her ears to listen for any sound. Wishing she could see what hid in the shadows. Internally cursing her stupidity to not check this out during the day time.
What were you thinking! she kept repeating to herself.
Then she heard it. A rough voice chuckling from the trees.
"Ah...Kagome... I thought it was too good to be true."
Her ears perked up at the voice.
"And yet- the Kami granted my wish."
She peered into the dark, taking in a breath at the realization of who the voice belonged to.
It can't be!
A flash of blue eyes filled her head- eyed filled with hunger every time they looked at her.
A tall form broke from the shadows, muscular legs leading to a fur pelt- a tail flicking behind him.
She trailed along his chest armor- to his wolfish grin- a fang peeking out of his smile.
She focused on his eyes. Even in the dark, she could tell they were filled with a hunger- as well as something else... was that relief?
"Kouga."
A/N:
Ah finally he makes his grand entrance! Such grace- such poise! Ah I have been up too long writing this. Please drop a review! 3 See you next Chapter!
-KKB