BLOODSHARE
Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries or any of the characters, I just like to play in their world:)
Chapter 12 ~ Disgraced
I open my eyes and look around dazed, it takes a few minutes to realize I'm at Caroline's. I turn to look and shes not in bed, oh yeah, she's a vampire so she does not need much sleep. I start to piece last night together and instant nausea hit's me like a tidal wave and I know it's guilt. I swallow and my mouth is so dry. I sit up and stretch and I know before I can do anything, I need a shower. I know a shower won't wash away what I did last night, but I need it just the same.
After a long, hot shower, I dress quickly, straighten my hair, and put on some makeup. I look at the clock and it's 11 am already. I run downstairs and Caroline is cooking Breakfast and Mrs. Forbes is nowhere to be seen.
"Hi Elena, How did you sleep?" Caroline says all chipper like.
"Like a rock." I reply with a smirk.
"I'm making you some pancakes, bacon, and eggs, and OJ is in the fridge." she states simply.
"Wow! Thank you, I'm starving and it all smells great." I say smiling widely.
"Well I feel really bad about the underwear thingy. I'm sorry Elena, I was angry." she says with her best pout face.
"No worries Caroline, I was very embarrassed, but like you said, he already knew." I say shrugging my shoulders.
"So, now that that's outta the way, how was it?" she ask with a gleam in her eyes.
I quickly try not to think about the guilt I'm feeling, or Stefan, so I can give Caroline an honest answer...
"Well, your right! That was an outta this world experience, best thing I've ever felt!" I shout out with more excitement than I intended to.
Suddenly I look wide eyed and run out of the kitchen looking for Mrs Forbes, Caroline yells out...
"She's working today Elena!"
I walk back to the kitchen and sit down, I am relieved, and Caroline puts our plates in front of the glasses of OJ I already poured, and I giggle.
"Sorry, I freaked for a minute." I laugh out.
"I told you it was crazy." she says with a wicked smile.
"I feel really guilty though. I'm afraid Stefan will sense something, and...and...I'm scared." I say shakily.
"Why are you scared?" she asks with a weird look.
"Damon said it was like a drug, and I really didn't believe him. I thought he was trying to scare me out of trying it...but..." I trail off.
"But What!" she asks too loudly, like shes afraid of what I will say.
"Well last night Damon drove us home because I was swerving..." and she cuts me off...
"I know, I heard." she states.
I continue. "Well I caught his eyes in the rear view mirror, just that alone, or being close to him, started the craving all over again! So I'm scared. What do I do?" I ask, my voice very shaky.
"You fight the urges Elena, that is what you do!" she exclaims!
"Did...you...uh...feel them when you were human, after Damon fed off you?" I ask shyly.
"Yes, but for a very short time, I really did not have to fight urges, because I was compelled to forget. However, I do remember a few times I was with Damon all day, and I did have urges constantly, so we did it a lot." she states with a look of regret or maybe even disgust.
"Oh, so what if I get really bad? Will you need to compel me?" I ask feeling a little disgust myself.
"We will see." she replies with a soft smile.
"Today Stefan is going to want to spend some time with me, and I really don't want to be alone with him yet. It's just too fresh." I state with a frustrated sigh.
"I have an idea, call him, tell him your spending the day with me, and you will see him tonight at the Grill. I will call Bonnie and Matt, and we will all meet up at the Grill, so your not alone with Stefan yet, and that should help give you more time to deal." she finishes sure of herself.
"Yes, okay that's a great Idea. What if Damon is at the Grill?" I say gasping.
"Well Elena, you have to see him sometime, better in a crowd, plus you will get to be around both of them at the same time too, see, kill two birdies with one stone." she adds deviously.
"I feel like I cheated Caroline! I belt out.
"You did Elena." she states apologetically.
I frown and tears are slowly building in my eyes, we finish our breakfast in silence, we are both in deep thought and then Caroline seems startled, I look at her a little surprised and she says...
"Your cell phone is ringing upstairs."
"Oh.." I race upstairs to answer it, with shaking hands I accept the call without looking. It's Stefan...
"Hello Elena." he's all cheerful.
"Hi Stefan, How are you?" I ask swallowing more guilt.
"I'm good, did you have a good time with Caroline last night?" he asks.
"Yes, we had fun. Sorry I didn't answer my cell, it died, and my charger was in my bag in the S.U.V." I say nervously.
"That's okay, Jenna told me you went out. Hey, you wanna do something today?" he asks with enthusiasm.
"Um..Well, I Kinda promised Caroline today also, you know, all the Matt drama, so...how bout we meet at the Grill tonight? Matt and Bonnie are coming too. How's around 6pm tonight?" I ask, feeling more confident that I can keep it together around Stefan.
"Sure Elena, that sounds great! He says.
"Okay, well I gotta help Caroline do the dishes, so I will see you tonight." I say with guilt retuning.
"See you tonight. I love you Elena." he adds softly.
"I love you to Stefan." I reply softly back.
I hang up, the guilt is a huge lump in my throat again and I can't even swallow it. I start to cry and I realize, I need to! I just slump over Caroline's bed and sobs start to come with every breath, deeper and louder, just then Caroline's beside me, rubbing my hair...
"Shh, everything will be okay Elena." she says in an almost whisper.
She strokes my head over and over. I hug her and bury my head in her lap and just cry everything out of my system. I feel something more than guilt of cheating, it's like a sadness of some sort when I think of Stefan, but I'm not sure what it means. In the back of my mind, I keep thinking of Damon, and what it will be like when I see him, and I cringe, more so at the whole situation, and the possibility of future embarrassment. Twenty minutes or so later, Caroline talks first...
"Cmon Lena, let's go shopping for another fun outfit for tonight." she says grinning.
"Another slut one?" I ask loudly.
"No! Just a nice, new outfit, to get your mind off everything. A slut one...really Lena...maybe your urges are going to be a problem." she adds with a giggly grin.
We do the dishes and head out to shop. It is working, my head is clear, and we are having fun. I buy a new pair of dark jeans with sparkles on the pockets, and a black shirt, with tiny ruffles around the edge of the sleeves and neckline. It is tighter than I would usually purchase. I see some black dangle earrings with dark red stones in the middle of them, and I buy them too, as we pay, I ask Caroline if I can borrow her Black low-cut Boots with heels? She just looks at me with wide surprised eyes.
""What." I ask.
"Elena, I know you have a black leather jacket, but I have never seen you buy, or wear for that matter, an all black shirt, or black earrings, or borrow my black boots. You always wear Converse shoes." she states with a questioning one-eyed look.
"I know, I just felt like wearing something different for a change." I speak with an angry tone, by accident I think?
"Are you sure your craving is not driving you to dressing in black to...I dunno, catch Damon's eye? Or say to Persuade him into round Two?" she ask with a determined look of being right.
"Of coarse not Caroline!" I snap, surprising myself at my harsh tone.
"Geez, sorry Elena, just asking." she says sounding hurt.
"Let's go back to your house and get ready, it's 4:30 pm, I need to call Jenna and check in, and I'm hungry, so let's go to the Grill early." I say, as if I did not just snap at her a few seconds ago.
Back at Caroline's, I call Jenna, she's heading out for a date with Alaric, and she says Jeremy will be at the Grill tonight too. After I hang up, I'm in a hurry to get ready, and get seeing Stefan over with. I apply more makeup and darker than normal, and I really fluff up my hair. I look in the mirror and I look good...New tight jeans, jet black tight top, with the cutest tiny little ruffles, and the black dangle earrings show up great with my hair. I slip on Caroline's Boots, tuck my jean bottoms into them, and take one last look. Caroline comes out of the bathroom and she has new dark jeans, hot pink sparkly shirt, and black dress shoes. Caroline looks great, as always, she turns to look at me, and shes noticed my darkened and added makeup, she looks me up and down and whistles.
""You look Hot again Elena! Accept this time, a little more like yourself. I actually really like you in Black." she says shaking her head and smiling.
I smile widely in return and say, "Thank you."
We arrive at the Grill early, around 5:35pm and I'm relieved that I will be here before Stefan. I know sitting at our normal booth, and chatting will help me feel and act normal. In the back of my mind(riveting place it is) I wonder again, if Damon will be here tonight? He should, he's here mostly every night of the week, drinking with or without his new Buddy Alaric. I secretly smirk. I know I should not think of him but I can't help it. Caroline shakes me out of my deep thought when she asks...
"You okay Elena?"
"Um...yes...I'm fine." I reply with a small smile.
We get out and walk to the front door of the Grill, I take a deep breath, hold it, then release it...and In we go!