Something Clear
That entire day, Hope stayed at Chuck's side. She followed him around, learned from him, and got-to-know the young boy a little better. It was obvious, from the way Chuck explained his job to her, that he didn't necessarily enjoy it. Nor was he proud of it. However, that only made Hope want to help Chuck more. She didn't care about cleaning the stinky, dirty toilets, she didn't care about cleaning the blood-stained slaughterhouse, she didn't care about the time-consuming labor she was doing. Nope, all Hope cared about was Chuck.
Chuck, who always smiled.
Chuck, who never complained.
Chuck, who greeted Hope every morning.
After being in the Glade for half a month, Chuck had easily inched his way into Hope's heart. She had an undeniable soft spot for him, and it grew stronger every day. Hope knew that she'd do anything for this kid. Anything at all. She wanted to protect this innocent, sweet boy. Hope never wanted to see Chuck's smile fall into a frown, because she believed she might not be able to handle it. The sight would be too painful.
But, sadly, the Maze… had other plans.
"Oof…!" Chuck huffed the moment his butt fell to the ground. Similarly, he hit his back against the wooden shower behind him - the two had just finished cleaning it. "That was a looot of work!"
"Tell me about it," Hope agreed, sitting down beside him. "I respect you for it, though, Chuck. Your strength is admirable."
"Tch," Chuck clicked his tongue. "Not really. I mean, I do this stuff every day, and it never gets easier. I'm still a sweating mess."
"Well, the fact that you keep going is more than enough," Hope said as she poked Chuck's side with her elbow. "Some people would quit in your circumstances, but… you don't. You've kept working after all of these months. Moving forward. Seriously, your endurance is amazing."
Chuck looked over at Hope in surprise. "R-Really?"
"Woof!" Hugo barked from his sitting place in front of the two. "Ruff, ruff!"
"Haha, see?" Hope chuckled. "Even Hugo agrees!"
"Aw… Thanks, buddy," Chuck remarked while lifting up a hand to pet Hugo's head. But when the boy dropped that hand, his eyes turned from thankful… to sorrowful. "Truth is, though, is that I'm… I'm nothing like how I act."
"…What?" It was Hope's turn to be surprised; her head snapped toward Chuck, seeing him staring off into the distance. "Ch-Chuck, why are you suddenly-"
"I told everyone to tell you that I'd been here for longer than I have," Chuck confessed very abruptly. "A few months, four months, five months, half a year, or anything other than the truth. The truth that… I got here one month before you did."
For a few moments, Hope could only stare at Chuck in confusion. She didn't understand. Not Chuck's words, not his sudden honesty, not his sudden change of mood, any of it. Still, there was that frown on Chuck's face. The frown that… overpowered Hope's confusion. It made her less worried about his lie and more worried about… why he had lied.
"Why, Chuck?" Hope eventually asked. "Why did you lie…?"
"'Cause I… I wanted… to look stronger," Chuck murmured, looking down at the ground between his crossed legs. He started idly plucking the grass there, tearing up the green pieces into littler ones. "I wanted to look better."
Hope tilted her head. "For whom?"
"For… you," Chuck whispered, but Hope was able to hear it. "The moment you came up in the box, I wanted to… not be the "little boy." For once, I wanted to be more than a lame Slopper or a stupid kid. All anyone did was call me those things, but with you, I wanted it to be different. I wanted you to see me as… stronger than I actually am." He then let a self-deprecating smile adorn his face. "Plus, it felt nice not being the newest Greenie; it felt nice to start being seen as an equal. Still, I think I'm selfish for wanting those things. I'm selfish enough to lie about myself. I'm… I'm selfish, right? I'm selfish… for wanting things that I don't deserve. I'm not strong. I-I'm weak."
Once Chuck had finished, Hope thought over all of what he had said. He had ended with a question, and she wanted to help answer that question. Chuck had obviously been feeling guilty about lying, and that guilt had eventually turned into hurt. But however much Hope thought it over, she didn't see Chuck as 'selfish'. She couldn't see the selfishness in his actions whatsoever. Instead, Hope saw the hurt - she saw that sad, sad smile of his. And she… Because of that sad smile, Hope wanted to…
'Have hope and protect them.'
Hope wanted to protect Chuck's feelings.
"I don't think it's selfish to want to be seen," Hope proclaimed, making Chuck immediately turn his head toward her. And there, as her face looked out at the Glade, he saw the kindest, most understanding of smiles. "I don't think it's selfish to want to be respected or even loved. I think it's normal for humans to want that. I mean, ever since I came up in that box, I've wanted to help in any way that I can. And that includes helping you boys. However, I've also thought about why I would want that. Am I selfishly doing it to make myself seem better? Am I doing it for my own personal gain? But now, after I've heard your side, I've started to come to the conclusion that… maybe… it's just human instinct. It's scary to think about being a nuisance or an unloved person. If anything, it's normal to be scared of such sadness and to do anything in your power to get the opposite effect."
Hope then turned her smile to Chuck. "So, Chuck, please don't think of your emotions as selfish or invalid, because I think they are completely valid. More so, you've been a great friend to me ever since I came here. And, even if that friendship started with lies, it nevertheless has made my time here enjoyable. You've made me feel accepted, understood, and cared about. You are not selfish, Chuck. You are one of the most selfless people here… Your strength… has given me strength."
Chuck's jaw dropped, while his entire body turned numb with shock and… something else. This feeling was something Chuck had never felt before - it made his heart beat rapidly and his chest to feel warm. Furthermore, as he stared into Hope's compassionate eyes, Chuck felt the feeling become stronger with each passing moment. His entire body felt like it was on fire, but it oddly didn't hurt. It was quite the opposite, actually. At that moment, Chuck felt more alive than ever before. He felt… seen.
Hope understood him and accepted him. Instead of being angry at him, she forgave him. She gave him a new understanding of his feelings, too. Chuck never thought it was possible for either to happen, but… here he was. Here Hope was: the person his young heart had been yearning for.
"Th… Thank you…" Chuck sniffed, tears starting to form in his eyes. "I really needed that."
"Chuck, I will say it as many times as needed," Hope consoled as she placed her hand over Chuck's. "You are enough, you are strong, and… it's okay. It's all going to be okay."
But rather than answering with words, Chuck answered with something else. He leaned over to his right and placed his head against Hope's shoulder, causing the girl to freeze in response. After a few moments, though, Hope visibly relaxed against his touch. She accepted it. Hence, Chuck smiled to himself and closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling of being fully accepted. He had lied because of his fear of being rejected, but the more Chuck got closer to Hope, the more pain he was in. The more he hated lying to her. Hope didn't deserve to see… a fake version of himself. Nevertheless, Chuck never thought that this would happen, which was why he could smile so gleefully. He never thought that she'd accept the real him and the fake him. But it felt so nice. It felt so safe. It felt unlike anything Chuck had ever felt before.
'You're enough,' 'you're strong,' 'it's okay,' Hope had said to him. And, for the first time in his life, Chuck believed it. He felt oh-so seen. So, the entire rest of the day, Chuck never left Hope's side. He wanted this warm feeling to last forever. Hope had given something special to Chuck that day. Something so special… that it would last a lifetime.
"I'm selfish…"
"I was jealous."
"I'm weak…"
"I felt… worthless."
Hope stood in front of the wall of names, remembering word-for-word Chuck's and Siggy's confessions. Hidden underneath each of their smiles and their choices, hid a frightened boy that didn't understand what was happening to him. They hid their insecurities and their fear to the point that… they'd started to hate themselves. Those boys were more than just boys-trapped-in-a-maze. They were young and full of life. They had feelings and wants. They were just boys. They were not lab rats.
Hope's heart hurt for the names crossed off of this wall. She felt angry, confused, and so very sad. None of those boys deserved this. They didn't deserve this kind of ending. It wasn't right. Why were they trapped there? What was the point? And it couldn't have been to merely "solve a maze." It must have been more than that, because this… This couldn't be…
"Is it truly possible for humans to hurt other humans like this…?" Hope asked the wall, trailing her fingers against its rough stone. "H-How could we do this to each other? I can't… I can't accept that."
Above Hope was the night sky, twinkling with white stars. Behind her, some Gladers were starting to get ready for bed, while the others sat around a campfire. Hope could hear their muffled, cheerful voices from far away, making her feel even more conflicted. In the past couple of days, Siggy and Chuck had taught Hope that the way you acted, wasn't always how you truly felt. That there was a more honest, deeper side to yourself. However, everyone had a breaking point as well. Just like how Frypan couldn't hold in his anger, or how Chuck couldn't lie any longer, you couldn't keep your feelings locked away. Not forever, at least.
Eventually, they would come out whether you liked it or not.
"Hey, Hope."
"Gah…!" Hope let out an awkward noise of surprise after hearing a voice from behind. Although, exactly like every other time, Hope's face reddened in embarrassment once she'd turned around to see the person who'd scared her. Also, despite it being dark, Hope could perfectly see his handsome face. "N-Newt!"
"We gotta stop meetin' like this," Newt said with a strained smile. "It's getting a little creepy."
"Geez… I'm so sorry, Newt," Hope sighed to herself. "I'll work on not being an idiot, I swear."
"No one's calling you an idiot, Hope," Newt argued softly. Likewise, his brown eyes softly looked over the girl before he spoke next. "Still, what're you doing out here so late? Shouldn't you be asleep after the long day you've had?"
"I-I guess…" Hope mumbled as she refrained from eye contact. "Though, I'm not really tired."
Newt raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Oddly enough, no."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah… Why?"
"There's bags under your eyes."
"A-Are there?" Hope questioned, instinctively wiping underneath her eyes. "Well, I guess that makes my lack of tiredness even stranger then."
"Hope…" But when Newt spoke her name with that smooth voice of his, Hope could feel her stomach knot. "What are you really doin' out here?"
"Hugo and I were paying our respects," Hope replied with Hugo sitting at her side. "And I… wanted to pass the time, since I can't sleep. Though, the better question is," Hope finally glanced over at Newt, "what are you doing here?"
"…I wanted to talk to you," Newt acknowledged after a short pause. He put his hands into his pockets, not looking away from Hope's eyes. "I wanted to talk to you about… the other day."
"No…! I'm sorry!"
"O-Oh…" Hope stuttered once the memory flashed through her head. She even turned her eyes away from Newt again. "That's, uhm… I-I actually wanted to talk about that, too. I wanted to apologize for-"
"No, none of that," Newt interrupted her. "You're not apologizing for this. Not for something I did. I crossed a line, and I'm sorry. I won't do it again."
Hope took a deep breath. "Newt, that's… that's unnecessary. I-I mean, I appreciate the thought. I really do, but I just don't think that-"
"Your feelings are valid, y'know." But this second time… This second time that Newt had interrupted her, Hope's eyes widened in utter bafflement. "You don't have to bottle up your feelings and act like everything's okay. I'm not saying that you are, either. I'm more or less just puttin' it out there. You're always bloody smilin' and doing the best you can. And that's great, but… we can't always be bloody smilin'. We need a break every once and a while. Even Greenies that have been here only half a month… have the right to complain."
Hope's words were thrown right back at her, and she didn't know what to do about it. Regardless, it didn't take Hope long to feel that feeling of selfishness rush through her. She felt that she didn't deserve to take a break while everyone else worked so hard. She felt that she didn't deserve to complain when everyone else had been through so much more. To Hope, what Newt was saying was… impossible.
"I don't have anything to complain about, Newt," Hope stated as she looked up and smiled brightly. "I'm content with what I have, I'm surrounded by amazing people, so there's absolutely nothing that I could complain about. My mind is blank!"
"You're my toy!"
Despite the sudden negative voice in her head, Hope continued to smile as Newt stared at her. She wouldn't give up in making Newt believe that she was fine, because it was the honest truth. To Hope, she was fine. She truly had nothing to complain about. She believed that lie to the fullest extent. Her heart may have been clouded in confusion and hurt, but she wouldn't let anyone - even herself - see that.
On the other hand, however, Newt didn't know what to think. He didn't know Hope very well, so he couldn't tell what she was actually feeling. Still, he wanted to know. Not only her feelings, but also Hope as a person. Ever since Hope had done that selfless thing for Frypan, Newt wanted to get to know her. He wanted… to see her smile more. Therefore, maybe Newt did know what to think. So, before he could talk himself any more out of it, he ultimately asked the question that drove him to find Hope in the first place.
"Hey, Hope," Newt smiled sheepishly, "do you wanna see something cool?"
Hope followed Newt across the Glade, realizing that this was about the third time that this circumstance had happened. Newt always seemed to be leading her and Hugo somewhere, guiding them. Unlike the last few times, though, Hope didn't look around her; she didn't stare up at the night sky or the Glade's greenery. This time, her eyes were pointed right at Newt's back. Or, well, the limp in Newt's step. It was barely there, but now that Hope had noticed it, she couldn't not notice it.
Was it there before he'd entered the Maze? During the Maze? Had he fallen? Had someone hurt him? Hope didn't know why, but that limp of his clouded her mind with questions. She knew it wasn't any of her business, and yet… she wanted to know. Of course, Hope wasn't one to pry, so the answer would presumably never come to her; if Newt didn't want to talk about it, then it was his right. Nonetheless, the questions kept coming.
What happened to you? Hope thought. What hurt you?
"So, Hope," Newt suddenly started speaking, "how're holding up so far? In the Glade, I mean."
"O-Oh, I'm doing great!" Hope chirped, walking faster so she could walk beside Newt instead of behind him. "You all are super kind and welcoming. I don't have anything to complain about."
"…And how about Fry?" Newt asked after pausing in spite of the word 'complain'. "Your relationship seems to have changed since the whole strawberry incident."
Hope blinked in confusion. "In what way?"
"You just seem closer," Newt said matter-of-factly. "With Chuck, too. He wouldn't leave your side today for anythin'. And the way his eyes - Frypan's as well - sparkle whenever he looks at you. Heh, it was almost adorable to watch." Newt then smiled warmly. "I'm glad, though. Out of everyone, both of them have always smiled the most. They never complained about anything, they never tried to start fights, and they just… got along with everybody. And even better, it seems that I didn't need to meddle this time. They found someone else to check in on them, and I'm thankful that… you were able to help them. I-I could never really help them, anyway. I just listened, y'know?"
Hope stared up at Newt, understanding twinkling in her differently colored eyes. Newt was the second-in-command, but he was also more than that. So much more. Newt watched over the Gladers like a big brother: protecting them and understanding them. He cared about their wants and needs. He watched over them from afar, making sure that they were okay. So at that moment, Hope saw Newt in a new light.
"Newt, you're… you're such an amazing person," Hope muttered, admiration swirling in her eyes. However, the second that Newt stopped walking and his head snapped toward her, was the moment Hope had realized what she had done. "W-Wait… D-Did I say that out-loud?"
"Um, y-yeah…" Newt stuttered, prompting Hope's face to turn red.
"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be weird like that! I-I mean, I meant what I said, I just didn't…! Ah, goodness, why am I such a mess?!"
"But… But, did you…" Newt stammered. "Did you really mean that?"
"W-What?" All of Hope's embarrassment vanished. "Mean what?"
"That I… That I was," Newt had to look away from her, "you know."
"That you were amazing?" Hope inquired, and Newt could only nod awkwardly in response. However, Hope's own awkwardness had vanished with her embarrassment, and instead, was replaced with sadness. Almost immediately, Hope walked around to Newt's front to stare at him in bewilderment. "Newt, you can't… you can't be serious right now."
"About what…?" Newt asked, showing Hope an equally bewildered expression. "What are you-"
"I mean, haven't you seen the way the Gladers look at you?" Hope queried, not being able to stop herself. "They respect you. They adore you, Newt. Your presence here is a good one - a needed one. Just like Alby, you help these boys feel better. You help them to feel safe and cared for." Hope took a step closer to him. "Newt, you are irreplaceable to these boys. Your life is important to them. So, yeah, of course you're amazing, Newt. And I think everyone here would agree with me."
"I-I can't… I can't do this…"
Thump! Newt unexpectedly heard his past-self in his head, causing his heart to beat painfully in his chest.
"I don't wanna live like this…"
Thump, thump!
"Nothing matters."
Thump, thump, thump!
"It's hopeless."
Thump, thump, thump, thump!
"It's amazing…"
Thump! Suddenly, Newt heard Hope's voice.
"You carry on."
Thump…
"You're irreplaceable, Newt."
Thump.
"Your life… is important."
Once more, Hope's words made something within Newt change. He didn't know what had brought her words on, and he didn't know where the hell they had come from, but… But, the second she'd said them, Newt realized how much he needed them. How much he had been waiting for someone to say those four special words: 'Your life is important.' However, before Newt could say anything else, the reason as to why he had led her into the woods, was finally shown. All around them, yellow fireflies had started flying out of the bushes and the trees. They graced the dark night air with light, causing the entire area to illuminate in a wonderful glow. Hope's eyes widened with joy, while the biggest of smiles adorned her face.
"Newt, is this what you wanted to show me?! It's beautiful!" she beamed, twirling around to get a better look at everything. Furthermore, after her little look-around, she gave Newt a joyous smile. "Yep. You really are an amazing person, Newt. Thank you for this."
Newt couldn't look away from that smile of hers. It enchanted him, keeping him glued to his spot. He didn't understand what he was feeling, but it was powerful enough to make his heart feel alive. Newt had shown Hope this spot, since he wanted to make her feel better, but, in the end, it seemed that Hope had made Newt feel better instead. For the first time ever, Hope saw Newt unlike anyone had ever before. It made his head feel clear, no cloudiness in sight.
Was this what it felt like to be around Hope? Was this why Siggy's and Chuck's eyes always sparkled around her? If so, Newt wanted more of it. He wanted to…
"Hope, can we…" Newt took a step closer to Hope. "Can we be friends?"
"H-Huh?" Hope blinked in shock. "You wanna… be friends… with me?"
"Yeah… I do…" Newt mumbled. Moreover, for the first time, he was annoyed with the beautiful light that the fireflies gave out, because he didn't want Hope to see the even more annoying blush on his cheeks. "I-I want to… know you better. Talk to you more. So… So would that be… okay?"
Newt was usually an outgoing person: he wasn't shy or timid around other people. But, to Newt's irritation, he was around Hope. He didn't know why, but she just made him feel strange things. She made him do strange things. Similarly, Newt didn't know why his awkwardness made him feel so uncool around her. He didn't know why he wanted to be cool around her. Regardless, the one thing that was clear to Newt, was how much he yearned to be closer to Hope. He wanted to hear those amazing four words again: 'Your life is important.' But not only those words: Newt wanted to hear those words… from Hope's lips.
"Newt…" Oh the other hand, Hope didn't see what Newt saw. She didn't see an 'uncool' boy, she saw an amazing one. Hence, as Hope stared up at Newt, the warmest of smiles instinctively formed on her face. "Newt, I would be more than honored to be your friend."
And when the girl reached out her hand for Newt to take, the boy took it almost immediately. Her hand was soft, warm, and so very comforting. He didn't want to let go, but… Newt knew he had to.
"S-So, um, what should we start with?" Newt asked once they both dropped their hands. "Likes? Dislikes?"
"Hmm… How about… your favorite food?" Hope acknowledged happily. "Or, even better, your favorite Frypan-Meal? I know he'd love it if we talked about that!"
"Pfft, okay," Newt snickered. "Let's start off with that, then."
But as the two started talking, Hugo watched the two dorks from afar. His dark brown eyes that held night-vision orbs, glinted with knowing. Hugo saw the sparks between them, and he didn't dare to disrupt those sparks. He would allow the two to have their moment alone. Therefore, Hugo turned around and walked toward the infirmary… to sleep.
A/N: Holy crap was this chapter hard to write! I deleted and un-deleted so many things, and I had no idea where this was going. However, I'm okay with what I ended up with. But on a positive note, thank you so much for reading, and I hope you have a great day!
Also, Lucy2703x, I don't really like using actresses for my OCs, so if it isn't too much trouble, I'll just let you all imagine what Hope looks like! :+